My Sister Leni
by Gumball2
Summary: Leni isn't quite like her other sisters. Lori always wonders what's going through her little sister's head whenever she stares at her so intently or smile uncontrollably at the most sudden moments. Lori loves her sister, no doubt about it, but there are times where Leni can be so confusing. (Completed)
1. Smile Wide

Snap.

Rita tapped the camera's button. The screen on the back documented her two oldest daughters dressed up for the first day of the new school year. Lori was smiling with the fancy new blue dress her mom had bought her just last week; she looked forward to wearing the best clothes in her first grade class photo. Standing to her left was Leni, one of her four little sisters. Unlike Lori, she was wearing a turquoise hand-me-down dress. Although it had been cleaned and pressed, Lori was still disgusted by how gross that thing looked on herself, preferring to passed it on her little sister. But their differences didn't stop at clothing. Leni was looking away from the camera, her eyes wandered aimlessly, and her mouth lacked any form of tangible expression.

"No! No! No!" Lori exclaimed, grabbing Leni's head and jerking it towards the lens, "Leni! How many times do I have to tell you that you have to look into the c-can-camera! You make me look bad! You ruin the whole picture!"

"Lori, that's not nice!" Rita said, frowning at her oldest child, "Now tell Leni you're sorry."

"But she always does this!" Lori said, pointing to her sister "Every time we take-"

"Lori!"

Realizing it was a losing battle, Lori sighed.

"I'm sorry," she stated, clearly annoyed. Leni darted her eyes before resting on her big sister; her mouth hung slightly open. She raised her fingers to her chin and hunched herself forward, but nothing came out.

"Leni," Rita said gently, "what do you say?"

The younger sister stood there for a moment, her mouth frozen in place. Lori was tensing up with every second that the silence went on.

"It...I-it's okay Lori," she eventually said. She then awkwardly raised her arms and walked towards her big sister. Lori played along and hugged her sister, smiling in the process.

O"Smile," Rita said, raising the camera and snapping it, capturing the pleasant moment. Even Leni, enjoying the warmth of Lori's hug, found her lips slipping into a cheery grin. Rita loved it when that happened.

"Alright," Rita said, putting the camera away, "Now, let's get you two to school."

She went into the kitchen and gave each of them a lunch bag, which seemed more like a miniature backpack than those old-fashioned metal boxes. She then handed the girls their backpacks. Lori, who had a year of experience with the object, slipped on the pack with ease. She then turned to see Leni, who had been staring intently at her.

 _"If only you did that a minute ago."_

Leni got the pack on fairly easily despite a little struggle at the start. The three then said goodbye to Daddy, who was tending to the three youngest girls. They then headed into Vanzilla and drove off.

Lori twiddled her thumbs, excited to impress her classmates. But in the corner of her eye, she saw Leni fixated on her. She hoped her little would stop, but those eyes never broke their gaze.

"Mom! Leni's staring at me!" Lori whined.

Rita looked into the central mirror and saw the familiar scene playing out.

"Lori," she said as she reached a red light, "why don't you tell Leni what kindergarten is gonna be like? I'm sure Leni would really like that."

Lori turned to her sister, brows furrowed. Leni wasn't smiling or copying her expression; she was just sitting there, looking right through her. Lori breathed in and opened her mouth.

"There will be a lot of new kids and games and stuff," she said, her voice gradually getting lighter and less rigid, "you will like it. You will get to talk more and play more. And you will be less weird."

"Lori!"

She sighed, "You will make more friends. Other than me."

Rather than easing off, Leni continued to stare at Lori. The latter wasn't sure if the former was even paying attention to what she was saying. Whenever that happened, it creeped Lori out.

"Doesn't that sound fun, Leni?" Rita asked, noticing the elementary school inching closer. For a moment, the only sound she could hear was the car's tires pressing themselves against the road.

"Yes..." Leni said, breaking away from Lori to look out the window on the other side of the car, "...fun..."

The car then turned into the parking lot. Rita found a nice empty spot pretty close to the main entrance of Royal Woods Elementary.

"Okie dokie," Rita said, turning off the car and getting out, "Let's head on in."

Lori started walking towards the school, holding Leni's hand. Meanwhile, Rita was walking alongside them.

"Mom!" Lori said, stopping. Leni clumsily halted her own feet, coming just short of bumping into her sister, "I can walk in all by myself! Why are you walking with me?"

"It's Leni's first day, honey," Rita said,smiling and placing a hand on Lori's shoulder, "I have to talk to Mrs. Egan. Don't you remember _your_ first day of kindergarten when I talked to her?"

It was blurry. Lori fished around, hoping to find that memory lingering around. But she recalled no such happening. She had thought she had just gone in on the first day, only to have the wonderful games and new friends outshine any of the more trivial facts.

 _"If Mom said she did, I guess she did."_

"Okay," Lori said. She then marched on, pulling Leni's arm, "Let's go in!"

Rita followed behind as they entered the school. The lobby was decorated with banners, crayon drawings, and construction paper stars decorating the walls. Lori smiled upon seeing how lively and clean the space was on that day.

Rita escorted both of them to Mrs. Turner's room, which was a considerable walk away from the kindergarten wing. The three of them entered the room, where some of Lori's classmates were already seated.

"Bye Mom!" Lori said, hugging her.

"Bye honey," Rita replied, hugging her back, "And what do you say to Leni?"

Lori broke from her Mom and turned to her sister.

"Goodbye Leni," she said, wrapping her arms around her sister. Leni's eyes shot open, astonished at the sudden gesture. But then, she smiled and hugged Lori intensely. With every second of squeezing, Leni's smile grew.

"Too...tight..." Lori said, fighting for air, "...Leni...stop"

Leni jerked her arms away, allowing Lori to cringe forward. Lori gasped, trying to regain her composure.

"I'm sorry," Leni said, offering to hug again.

"N-No don't," she said, puffing. By then, Lori had her breath again. She stood straight up, embarrassed at what she just said, "I-it's okay. Just don't hug so tight. Okay?"

Leni stood there, stone-faced. The coarsing rapids of joy that fueled her hug were completely dried out, leaving no traces behind.

With that, Lori walked into the door. Leni stared into the room, watching the older kids playing and talking.

"That's where Lori will be this year," Rita said, kneeling down to Leni's level, "Next year, that's where you will be."

She then stood up and grabbed Leni's hand.

"Now let's go see Mrs. Egan."

The two of them started walking. Leni turned her head back, keeping her eyes on the door to Mrs. Turner's room.

"Okay," Leni said. She gave one last look at the receding door and then turned back to the direction she and Rita were headed.

The walls of the kindergarten wing were lined with even more decorations than the lobby. Streamers, posters, drawings, paintings, and other spectacles that were meant to excite its students. But Leni's blank face never was unaffected. Rita kept looking back at her second daughter, noticing that her eyes were fixated in one direction.

Eventually they reached Mrs. Egan's door at the end of the hall. Behind that door was everything that could have been expected from a kindergarten classroom: a cubby board for backpacks and lunch bags, circular tables, toys, books, sleeping mats, and a decent amount of open space.

"Good morning," a woman said cheerfully as the two entered. Her smile was white and glowing. Her short brown hair had narrow bangs on the end that gently touched the collar of her white sweater.

"It's a pleasure to see you again Mrs. Loud." She then kneeled down to the little girl's level.

"Hi," she said with an even bigger smile, "You must be Leni. My name is Mrs. Egan and I am going to be your teacher and friend."

Leni stood still, if awkwardly. Her head was up, but her eyes were not focused on the new face.

"Not much of a talker, huh?" Mrs. Egan said, chuckling a little, "Well there's a lot of kids in here that want to be your friend. This year will be a lot of fun!"

Rita smiled at the interaction.

"Mrs. Egan," the mother said, "Can I talk to you for a few minutes about Leni?"

"Yes," Mrs. Egan said. She then looked down, "Leni, why don't you go meet some of the other kids?" She said, turning to them; they were mostly on the ground playing with toys.

At first, Leni was frozen. She was nervous and she tugged at her Mom's leg.

"It's okay Leni. Go play," Rita said, giving her daughter a reassuring smile.

With that little push, Leni slowly walked over to the others; her arms and hands are bent inward to her chest. The first one she wandered to was a girl with auburn hair in a ponytail. She had a Barbie doll, brushing it's lush blonde hair. Noticing Leni approaching caused her to look up.

"Hi!" she said, "my name is Liliana. What's your name?"

The two stared at each other. The silence was suffocating.

"...Uh...Leni," she finally said, "Leni...Loud."

"Well..." Liliana said, "do you wanna play with me?"

Leni turned to the toy shelves and saw the different things that could be used. Without warning, she stumbled her way over to the shelf and pulled out a white plush dog. Hugging the dog, she made her way back to Liliana.

Liliana continued to brush the doll's hair, occasionally looking back up at her new acquaintance. Leni's eyes were closed, she was smiling, and her entire focus was on embracing the stuffed animal.

"So, do you have any Barbie dolls?" Liliana asked, grinning.

Nothing. Leni seemed to be in a bubble.

"Um...Leni?" she said patiently. But it was like talking to the open air, "Well I have eight of them in my room. But this isn't one of them," she said, pointing to the doll she was currently using, "this one I got from the s-shelf."

Leni started rocking the plush dog, as if it were a newborn. Seeing this, Liliana changed course.

"You like stuffed animals," Liliana said, "I do too. In my room I have all k-kinds of them," she then took out her clenched palm and flipped her fingers, "I have a pony, a cat, a monkey, a bunny, and I have a dog. It looks like the one you have, but it's black."

Liliana smiled, hoping to gain Leni's attention, but the two were worlds away at this point.

"Leni, dear!"

As if by magic, Leni's eyes snapped open and she stood up, continuing to hug the dog. Rita walked over to the two girls.

"And who is this?" she asked, looking down at Liliana. The two then exchanged their introductions, "Look at that, Leni. You already have a new friend."

Leni stood there for a moment, staring at the dog.

"Yes..." she said softly, never letting her gaze break from the animal.

"That's good," Rita said, kneeling down to Leni, "Now listen, I have to go now. I want you to be a big girl and do what Mrs. Egan tells you. Okay?"

Leni started petting the dog, stroking its yarn fur.

"Leni, did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah," she replied, not looking up.

"At the end of the day, I will come back to take you and Lori home," Rita said. She then placed a hand on Leni's shoulder, prompting the girl to look up.

"Today is a special day, Leni," she said, "you will have a lot of new things to do and kids to talk to. I want you to have a good time," her eyes brightened as pride flushed across the mother's face, "I love you so much."

Rita then tucked Leni into a deep hug, one much more overwhelming than she imagined. For the first time in a while, Leni chuckled as an empowering wave of happiness overtook her. The embrace lasted almost a minute.

When they finally separated, both of them were smiling.

"I will be here to pick you two up at 2 o'clock," Rita said, giving Leni a kiss on the cheek, "Have a wonderful day, sweetie! I love you so much."

She then turned to Liliana.

"It was really nice meeting you, Liliana," she said to the little girl, who smiled back at her.

And with that, Rita left, leaving the two girls to themselves. For the next ten minutes, they sat there as if nothing had happened. Liliana went back to brushing the Barbie doll. Leni, however, focused all her attention on the plushie dog, petting it and hugging it.

"You...will be," Leni said slowly, "...Blacky..."


	2. First Day

Once all the kids arrived, Mrs. Egan made her way to the front of the room, which had a rug with many colorful circles on it.

"Good morning everyone," she said with a peppy grin, "Can we sit down on the lovely dots?"

It took a minute, but each of the students made their way towards the teacher. They each sat down on a distinct dot, claiming it as their territory. Some of them brought the toys they were playing with. Leni and Liliana sat next to each other, each holding Blacky and Barbie respectively.

"Good morning," she said, repeating herself, "My name is Mrs. Egan and I will be your teacher and friend this year in kindergarten."

The other kids viewed their surroundings, their innocent eyes a little nervous at the new setting.

"Let's go around and say each other's names. That way we can get to know each other," she said before turning to her right and lifting her hand in that direction, "Let's start over here."

Leni and Liliana were on the opposite end of the blob, so they waited as they learned all of the kids' names.

"I'm Adam."

"Lizzie!"

"My name is Elijah."

At last, the two girls remained. They were uncertain and they looked at each other for a moment.

"I'm Liliana," she said. She then held up the doll, "and I like Barbies."

She then looked at Leni, waiting for her to speak. The blonde then saw how everyone else in the room was staring at her, even then smiling, anticipated Mrs. Egan. She awkwardly held up the plushie.

"Um...hi...I'm Leni," she said quietly, "and...and this is Blacky, my...um...new pet doggie."

There was a brief moment of silence as she continued to hold the dog in the air, as if she had more to say. But alas, nothing came out.

"Well it's very nice to meet all of you," Mrs. Egan said, whose voice boomed compared to Leni's, "Now let's go around the room and say one thing about ourselves that make us special!" she then pointed at herself, "I'll start. I have a brother named Percy and he works at Chuck E Cheese."

Some of the kids gasped, some others smiled as they thought of the ball pits, lively mascots, and endless pizza. Mrs. Egan allowed these reactions to transpire before the first kids listed off what they had to say. A lot of the kids talked about stuff they liked-their favorite food, cartoon, toy, game, color, and whatever else a five year old cared about. Same as last time, the two girls waited patiently as everyone else went first; Liliana started to wish she had chosen a different circle to sit on.

"My favorite color is pink because it looks good on everything,". Liliana said when it was finally her turn.

Again, there were about five seconds of complete silence. Leni thought about what she would say, but she found it hard to find something.

"I..." she said, thinking. She then looked down at the plushie, "I like my dog Blacky," she then held up the toy again for everyone to see.

"I'm really glad we're learning about each other," Mrs. Egan said, "This year, I hope we all get to know each other even better. By knowing what others like, it can help us be friends with those people. And then you can play with those friends, watch movies, and talk to them."

The teacher then scanned at each of the smiling and anxious kids listening to her.

"So what I want you to do is sit down at those tables over there with a group of others," she said, pointing to the cluster of them on the other side of the room, "and you'll see pieces of paper and crayons. I want you to draw pictures of your house and your family. And then when you're done, show your drawing to the other kids at your table."

With a little encouragement, the kids found themselves able to make their way to the tables. Each table had five chairs, meaning that Leni and Liliana were surrounded by three girls. Although they introduced themselves along with everyone else, Leni had a hard time remembering their names.

 _"Polly...Dory...Blacky?...Oh...Cindy..."_

As she pondered, Leni noticed the others grabbing paper to start their drawings. Seeing this, she copied this behavior. For the next few minutes, Leni unconsciously colored her house and other things she felt were needed.

"Are you done?" one of the girls asked.

On command, Leni stopped. She looked up and saw everyone else had finished. The girl that had asked was sitting right next to her and held up her drawing. On the top of the sheet was her name-Dorothy-written in red crayon.

"I live in a red house with my Mommy and Daddy," Dorothy said, pointing to each part of the picture, "My house has a slide in the back and inside there is a big TV. Like bigger than the whole school!"

She then lowered her sheet and turned to Leni.

"Do you wanna go next?" she asked.

Leni nodded. She scanned the drawing she made before presenting it.

"I...have four sisters..." she said slowly, her eyes wandering all over the room, "my Mommy said that I will have another one soon...but I don't know if it is a boy or a girl..." on the paper, she drew Rita with a bulge on her tummy. Leni then let go of the sheet, allowing it to slide back on the table. She then leaned forward with Blacky and began cuddling with him once more. The others presented their drawings, but Leni shut them out in favor of the plushie. She giggled and smiled as she embraced the puppy.

* * *

The bell rang at precisely 2 pm, signaling most of the kids to chatter.

"Alright kids," Mrs. Egan announced, grasping the class's attention, "We are done for the day. So let's clean up and put all our things back where we found them."

Leni watched the others restock the shelves with the toys they were playing with. She stared down at Blacky and brushed its soft fur.

"Leni, it's time to put Blacky back on the shelf," Mrs. Egan, coming up to her. But Leni stood there, unsure of what to do. Sometimes, she got so confused by what was going on. In response, she tightened her embrace with the plushie.

"It's okay, Leni," she said, "You can see Blacky again tomorrow and play with him even more. But now, he needs a nap from all the fun he had today," she then cast Leni a warm smile.

Leni smiled back. Then, without saying a word, she walked over to the shelf and rested the dog on its wooden surface. She leaned in and kissed it on the forehead.

"Goodbye Blacky," she said with a surprising amount of confidence. Her meek voice carried itself well as she spoke, "I will see you tomorrow. And then we can play and snuggle."

Leni gave Blacky one more hug.

"I love you."

She forced herself to break from the warm intimate hug. She turned away and walked to the others, who were grabbing their bags. They were all hanging around the corner of the room, talking incessantly. She tried recalling the names of the ones she saw.

 _"Elliot...Alan...Dolly...Lily..."_

"Alright kids," Mrs. Egan said, "your parents are waiting for you in the hallway. I hope you have a nice day and I will see you tomorrow!"

Leni swiped her backpack and lunch bag and quietly walked out of the room. She saw all the parents lined up across the hallway, some of them accompanying older students that have already been dismissed. Leni wandered aimlessly in the open hallway, unsure of what to do next.

"Leni! Leni! Over here honey!"

Her right ear buzzed, alerting her to the sound waves producing those chants. She turned and saw Rita, waving her arms, and Lori standing impatiently. Seeing those two, Leni walked her way over there, her uneven steps occasionally throwing off her posture. Upon reaching Rita, she stopped.

"Hi sweetie," Rita said, hugging her, "How was your first day of school?"

"Good," Leni replied. She then turned to Lori, "D-did...Lori have a g-good day?..."

Lori frowned.

"No," she said, "it's not fair! Carol wore an prettier dress and everyone was saying how good it was. No one said mine was pretty at all. It's not fair!"

Leni stepped over to Lori and slid into her arms. Lori was thrown off by this sudden, unnatural gesture.

"Don't be mad, Lori," she said monotonously, "I like...your dress..."

Rita gleamed at the sight.

"Lori, it's okay," Rita added, "we both think you had a wonderful dress. Don't let anyone else bring you down."

Lori pouted a little, but then sighed. She peered down to her sister and realized that Leni, through all her creepiness, really cared about her. Lori took several breaths and then stroked her little sister's blonde hair.

"Thank you Leni," Lori said. She then looked up at Rita, "and Mom."

"Now," Rita said, turning to the nearby exit, "Let's go home."

* * *

Rita, Lori, and Leni were greeted to the sounds of laughter, banging, and television back at the Loud House. Everyone was settled in the living room, enjoying their day.

"Hey kids," Lynn Sr said, getting up from the couch, "How was your first day of school?"

"Okay," Lori said, twirling a strand of hair. She wasn't lying. Although Carol upstaged her at picture day, she admitted that she enjoyed seeing Bobby and some of her other gal pals again. Plus, Mrs. Turner was a pretty good teacher.

"And what about you Leni? How was your first day of school?"

Leni's shoulders tensed up, making herself look smaller. Her eyes darted back and forth, never settling on one object.

"Good..." she eventually said. Her head then dropped to the floor.

"Do you like Mrs. Egan? Do you have any new friends?"

Leni shrugged and turned her head towards the kitchen. She then walked towards the stairs, intent on heading to her room.

"Leni," Lynn Sr said, kneeling down, coughing out a laugh, "Don't you want to say hi to your little sisters? They have been waiting to see you!"

Instinctively, the young girl changed her direction. Her body's thrust in the other direction was jaw-dropping. Leni approached the toddlers, who were playing with plastic plates, cups, and dolls.

"Hi Luna! Hi Luan! Hi Lynn!" she yelled enthusiastically. Leni plopped herself on the floor and gazed at the dolls they were using.

"What are you all playing?" she asked.

"Tea party," Luna said, holding up a pink cup, "Want to play?"

"Yes!" Leni exclaimed. With that, Luna handed the cup to her. Leni propelled the cup into her mouth and drank the imaginary tea, even going as to include slurping sounds.

"That is a good tea, Luna!"

"Thank you," Luna replied, smiling. Seeing her face, Leni contorted her muscles to mirror it as precisely as possible. It was a habit of her's.

"Try it Lynn! It's good!" Leni cheered as she handed the tea cup to the infant. Lynn ripped it from her hands and chucked it at the couch. Leni couldn't help but laugh at her sister's rambunctious tendencies.

"No, no, Lynn," she said, struggling not to chuckle. She got up and retrieved the cup, which was resting on the couch's cushy surface, "You drink the tea. Like this," Leni then took a massive swig of the "beverage". Smiling again, she handed it to Lynn.

"Now you try!"

Leni watched as Lynn started to strike the cup on the floor like a hammer. She waited patiently, hoping the infant would eventually get it right.

"Lynn," Luna said, crouching herself closer to her little sister. She extended her hand towards the cup, "Here, let me help y-"

Lynn started banging Luna's hand with the cup. Although the blows lacked precision, when they locked with the hand, Luna recoiled. She yelped at the sting the plastic edge wrought. Leni transformed almost instantly, her eyes and face burdened by discomfort. She knelt down and grasped the cup.

"Don't hurt her," Leni said, pulling the cup. Her voice wavered, as if she herself had been hit. Lynn was strong for her age, but Leni managed to pry the cup away with a little extra effort. With the cup in one hand, she stretched her arm as far from Lynn as she could.

"Please," Leni said, her eyes suddenly devoid of life, "please don't hurt her."

And just like that, the dam broke. Lynn burst into tears and crawled to Leni. In desperation, she gripped Leni's dress trying to get her beloved toy.

"No," Leni said slowly, trying to stretch her arm even further, "I can't let you hurt Luna..."

Lynn Sr. And Rita rushed over to them. He lifted Lynn Jr. and rocked her in his arms, trying to calm the infant. Leni tried to walk over to Luna, but was stopped by Rita.

"Honey, what happened?"

Leni lowered her arms and allowed the cup to fall.

"She hit Luna...I wanted her to stop," she said, looking towards Luna. She stared at her little sister, who was still rubbing her hand. Her need to kiss and hug burned at her very soul.

"Well honey that's a very good thing you did. You're teaching Lynn how to play nicely and I'm glad you like helping others."

But Leni barely listened; she walked past her mother and enveloped Luna. Luna admitted that Lynn didn't hurt her that much, but she liked how her sister cared.

"Are you...okay?" Leni asked, stroking Luna's brown hair.

"I'm good."

Despite her reassurance, Leni refused to let go. To her, Luna's pain was unimaginable, worse than any fall or slap. For the next several minutes, all she did was hold onto her little sister.

"Leni," she whispered, "you can let go now..."

Leni rashly pulled herself away, asking if she was okay. Luna nodded her head.

"Are you okay?" she repeated.

"Yes, Leni," she said, realizing that she couldn't understand the gesture.

Rita offered to make the girls a snack, but Leni declined. She turned to the stairs and headed towards them. Any mark of excitment from the tea party had long dissipated at this point, but Leni was someone that likes being in her room. She liked the isolation, the freedom from talking to others (even though Lori was in there as well). Knowing this, Lynn Sr. and Rita escorted the others into the kitchen, much to their joy.


	3. Hanging Out

Lori and Leni were sprawled across their beds, waiting for Rita to tuck them in for the night. The afternoon had moved smoothly after the whole tea party; the oldest two hung out in their room and the youngest three played in the living room with their parents.

"Hey Leni," Lori said, turning to the other bed, where the lying Leni was facing the wall, snuggling with her stuffed bunny Bun-Bun. She didn't respond, though. "Mom's belly is getting pretty big! Do you think the baby will be a boy or a girl?"

All she got for an answer was a familiar groan. It was the type that evoked indecision rather than discomfort or frustration. Lori took it as an audible shrug more than anything else.

"I want another sister," Lori continued, staring at the ceiling, "to make things easy. And when we get older, she will be one more girl to teach about boys and makeup and all that fun stuff! Having a boy around will make things all gross and weird."

She then turned to her sister, who hadn't moved.

"What do you want our new baby to be?"

Nothing. Not even a groan. Lori sighed, thinking about all the other times she had failed to get even a word out of her sister.

"Leni!" she said, raising her voice, "Do you want a brother or another sister?"

"I dunno..." she said, tightening her grip on Bun-Bun.

"Don't tell me you want a brother getting his yucky hands all over everything!" Lori said, "Dirty underwear, comics, Ace Savvy toys everywhere! So don't tell me 'I dunno'!"

Rita then walked in, going over to Leni's bed first.

"You got Bun-Bun with you, honey?" she asked as she wrapped the pink blanket around her, "Good night," she added, giving her a kiss on the forehead, "I love you so much."

Rita then made her way to Lori, who had her arms crossed.

"Mom, when are we gonna know if the baby's a boy or a girl?"

Rita chuckled and started to tuck her in.

"Me and Daddy are going to the doctor next week. There, we will find out once and for all. Won't that be exciting?"

Lori smirked and nodded her head.

"I'm glad that you're interested in the baby," Rita said, adding the finishing touches to the blanket, "no matter what, this baby will be a special addition to our family."

She then leaned in and kissed her eldest daughter.

"I love you honey!"

Lori couldn't help but smile.

"I love you too Mom."

"Good night."

With that, Rita exited, gently flipping the light switch on the way out. Lori didn't even bother trying to talk to her sister, who was probably already fast asleep. She lied there and closed her eyes. She thought a little more about the upcoming baby before falling asleep herself.

* * *

Lori and Emily loved hopscotch. It had been _the_ game for recess since last year. Emily always brought her chalk box to school in case the design they had set aside was erased, which was usually every week.

The bell rung and the masses of first-graders and kindergarteners raced out to the playground like a herd of wild dogs. The group two arrived at the hopscotch court, their own special corner of the playground, and started playing.

"I still think Marcy is the best character," Lori said, skipping on each of the blocks.

"No way! Riley is way funnier. Plus she's pretty," Emily replied, watching on from the side.

"Marcy is pretty. Have you seen what she does to her hair?"

"It's okay, but Riley is so much better! It was even better in that episode from a couple weeks ago where they had the talent show."

"I guess."

Lori completed the course and swapped places, spectating Emily. Lori was no worse at hopscotch than any normal girl, but she was glad to have Emily. Unlike herself, Emily was a dancer and when she graced the chalk boxes, it showed. Lori never let this showmanship bug her in the way Carol's did; iif anything, it was exciting seeing such fine footwork.

"What did you think of Tyler in last night's episode?" Lori asked.

"Is that even a question," Emily answered, not even losing a breath in her movements, "Funny!"

"I know! I laughed so hard when he shot milk out his nose."

The two girls chuckled as they recalled the scene. Their six year old minds exaggerated the details, making it seem even funnier in hindsight.

"And when he told Mrs. Snootie he wrote his paper about boogers," Emily said, completing her set, "You know, Mrs. Snootie is kinda like Mrs. Turner. Kinda mean and boring."

"She's not that bad."

"She put Sean in time out! Sean is, like, the cutest boy in class. And he's funny, like Tyler!"

"He was rude to her," Lori said.

"But it was funny! Tyler does everything Sean does and he doesn't get put in time out."

"True," Lori said, looking down at her feet hopping along the court. She started feeling the urge to monitor her steps to keep from tripping. She took her time formulating her next thought, "Boys are weird."

"Nuh uh."

"The ones on TV are good. Tyler's really funny and all," Lori said. Upon reaching the end of the set, though, she just stood there looking to the street beyond the hopscotch court, "but then there's ones like Sean. They are rude and gross. None of them are like Tyler at all!"

It didn't take long for Emily to put the pieces together.

"Are you still mad that the baby's a boy?"

"A little," Lori responded, walking over to her, "It's gonna be weird having a little brother running around. I don't want him to be like Sean."

"Even if he does," Emily said, starting to chuckle, "it won't be that bad."

"Emily!"

The dancer continued laughing as she moved to begin her set.

"Having a brother can't be that bad," she said, starting to skip along.

"How do you know? You don't even have one."

"Come on Lori. They can't all be bad. Besides, you have four sisters. He will learn to be just like you. And then he won't be gross."

Lori hadn't thought about that. She was so mad and disgusted by having a brother that she forgot about the numbers game; her thoughts assumed she would have been caged with this "animal" without any help.

"Maybe," was all Lori could say, though.

Emily completed the hopscotch again and turned towards the side of the school.

"Speaking of sisters," she said, squinting her eyes, "isn't that Leni over there?"

Lori looked in the indicated direction and saw a small girl sitting against the brick wall. She silently sitting there, alone. Seeing this, Lori and Emily walked towards her. She wasn't doing or saying anything; the girl was in a world of her own.

"Hey Leni," Lori said as she arrived, "What are you doing?"

Leni shrugged.

"Why aren't you playing with anyone?"

Once again, a simple shrug.

Even though Lori predicted this was how her sister spent her recess, it still stunned her to see it playing out. Lori had a hard time understanding how anyone could avoid conversation or playtime to the extent Leni could.

"Leni," she said, extending her hand towards her, "me and Emily are playing hopscotch. And I want you to play with us."

Leni broke away from the girls, allowing her eyes to turn to the street behind the playground. Lori frowned.

"Leni. I don't like you sitting here all by yourself. Now I want you to play with us!"

Distressed by the familiar sharpness of Lori's voice, Leni slowly pushed herself against the pavement and wall to prop herself up.

"It will be fun," Emily said as she did this, "I've been dying to know how you've been liking Mrs. Egan's class."

Upon getting on her feet, Leni just stared at Emily creepily.

"If you were dead...how would you find out?"

Lori mentally face palmed.

"No, Leni," she said, "Emily is not dying, she just _really_ wants to know about your time with Mrs. Egan."

Leni stood there, her face clearly lacking any registration of the input.

"Then...why didn't she just say that?"

Lori sighed and placed her hand at the back of her sister's shoulder.

"Never mind. Let's just play."

The three of them made their way over to the hopscotch court, stopping right at its entry point.

"Okay Leni," Lori said, having calmed down, "now in hopscotch. What you want to hop from box to box until you get to the other side. You want to touch every box, okay?"

Leni observed the arrangement of chalk boxes and then jumped, planting both her feet safely inside one of the boxes.

"No, no, no! That's not how you do it," Lori said, "You only put one foot into each box."

She then nudged Leni outside the court.

"Now watch me."

Leni stood there and looked at her sister, easily hoping her way through the court. To her, the maneuver was so fast and hard to do. Leni wasn't exactly the princess of balance or grace.

"Now you try," she said upon completing the set.

Leni walked her way to the front of the court. She looked down and saw the two neighboring boxes before her. Suddenly, she jumped and opened her legs. Each of her feet landed in a different box.

"Good job," Lori said, relieved, "Now do the next one. Don't stop until you get to the end."

Inputting the data, she examined the next row, which had only one box. For a moment, she was paralyzed, uncertain of how to go about it. And then she jumped, her legs never changing position. With a slight shift in trajectory, she landed with one foot in the tile and the other planted outside the court. Mentally, Lori face palmed again, which manifested as a frown.

"No Leni! That's not how you do it!"

She stomped over to Leni, who was frozen in place and looking off in the distance.

"You can't have any feet touching the ground outside the chalk. Your feet must always be in the air or in the boxes!"

Lori gripped Leni's offending foot and pulled it off the ground. There was a little struggle, but the older sister prevailed.

"When you get to the rows with only one box, you do that instead," Lori said. She gave Leni a quick look before walking back to Emily, "Now do it right!"

Leni gazed down and saw the next row, two boxes. Just standing, her balance wavered. She stretched her arms and shook them around, trying to stay afloat. Veering down at her object once again, she bent the knee of the grounded leg and pushed up. But rather than jumping, the leg in the air jerked forward and pressed itself on the ground, just in time to prevent a major fall. Leni took several breaths before walking off the court.

"I don't like this game..." she told Lori, looking at the brick wall she was previously sitting at.

Lori understood what Leni was inclined to do and was determined to stop it. Acting quickly, Lori extended her hand to her sister's shoulder and turned to Emily.

"That's okay," Lori said, creating a smile in the process, "you don't have to play. You can just watch me and Emily play. From there, you can tell Emily all about Mrs. Egan and school. Do you want to do that?"

She didn't answer, but she did turn her head away from the wall. Lori took that as a 'yes'. She and Emily raced to the entrance of the hopscotch court and began once more. Leni just stood there, looking at nothing in particular, even as the two friends engaged in serious foot tactics.

"So...," Emily said as she waited for Lori to finish her set, "do you like Mrs. Egan?"

"Yes," she replied after a momentary pause.

"Lori and I were in her class last year and we liked her too. She's nice and a lot of fun!"

Leni simply groaned and continued to stare at some figment of her imagination, one that was blurry, but amusing nonetheless. Before Emily could add anything, she started her set as Lori finished her's.

"Why don't you tell Emily about your classmates," Lori said as she walked past her, "I think she would like to know about them."

The incoherent blob had vanished, leaving Leni a little nervous. Her head lowered to the ground with her mouth open, unsure how to answer. She had tried to learn their names. She really did. Or at least, know some of their names. Lori looked on, waiting impatiently for her sister to answer.

"Well..." she started, concentrating on the subject, "there...Blacky and Ruth and Barbie and...Lilo..."

Dreaded silence re-entered the hopscotch court, breaking any sense of flow the conversation had earlier. Lori tapped her foot, watching Emily approaching the end of the path.

"Is that _all_?" Lori said sharply.

Another groan. It was clear that no amount of pressing would get even another name out of the girl, or what she thought was a real person.

Before either girl could ask Leni another question, the bell rang. Leni marched through the chalk court, her eyes focused solely on the door she had come out of at the start of recess. Lori and Emily just watched the girl walk so purposefully back to class, which differed so greatly from themselves and many other kids. After a little bit, they reluctantly joined the massive herd of children being sentence to several more hours of school.

* * *

Lori was sitting in her room playing with one of her Barbie dolls. For all that she scolded Leni for doing the same, the eldest sister admitted that a little alone time never hurt anyone. Once in a while. And only for a couple minutes. She felt that after a long day of Mrs. Turner's class and Carol's snobbishness, a little decompression was in order.

She was riding the doll around in the pink car accessory, imagining the aquamarine carpet as a beautiful road hugging the sparkling Pacific Ocean. Lori had seen California a lot on television, as it was the setting of most of the shows she watched. She fantasized herself being in that sunny paradise some day. To her, it seemed like a girl's dream.

Her play session was interrupted, however, by her tummy growling. It appeared that relaxing after a hard day had other parts to it.

Getting up, Lori exited her room and turned to the hallway. She noticed, however, that in the middle of the corridor was a wooden staircase going up; someone was in the attic. Curious, Lori approached it and ascended its decrepit, creaky steps. She thought she heard sniffling as she went up the first step, followed by hasty attempts to silence it. Upon reaching the top, Lori saw her mother, holding a baby blue book in her hand.

"Hey sweetie!" Rita said, suddenly perking up a smile, "What brings you up here?"

"I just wanted to see what was up here," she answered, moving closer to her mother, "What's that you got there?"

Rita then held the book with pride.

"This is a special book I made before you were born, honey," she said before turning back to an open cardboard box, "I have one for your sisters too. And I'm making one right now for your future brother."

Lori looked inside the box to see four other books, each one a different color and with a healthy film of dust on their covers. She then turned to Rita and noticed that her cheeks carried a tint of red and that her eyes looked a little glassy. Something looked off.

"Are you okay, Mom?" Lori asked.

"Oh honey," she said, hugging her daughter, "reading these books just make me think of how much I love you and your sisters."

Rita then sniffled a bit as new thoughts emerged.

"And sometimes they make me cry a little. I just can't keep it in knowing how wonderful you all have been to my and Daddy's life," she then squeezed her a little tighter, "I love you so much, Lori."

Lori was touched by the hug, but was uncomfortable to hear her mother cry. Still, she found it in her to hug back.

"Mom...could you make me a snack?" she asked, breaking the awkward series of sniffles and stifled sobs.

"Of course, honey..." she replied, her voice having gone hoarse.

Rita closed the blue book and rested it on top of the teal one. She then got up and helped Lori downstairs.


	4. Movie Time

Leni was lying on her bed tossing Bun-Bun up and down like a ball. The sunset permeated an orange tint into the mostly empty room, which she appreciated. As she rhythmically played catch, her mind was swirling with thoughts about her future brother.

"I don't know, Bun-Bun. When brother comes, what if he feels sad and that no one wants to be around him?" she spoke, "I can...be there for him. I want my brother to be one that knows that he has me always...but I don't know."

After throwing the stuffed bunny up once more, she allowed it to land on her chest. She flinched a little at the impact, but it didn't hurt. She lied there; her eyes first went to the wall, then the ceiling, and then out the window. Thankfully, the sun wasn't in direct alignment with her line of vision. She took a deep breath.

"I hope Lori sees how much you mean to me, brother. When you come, Mommy and Daddy will be really happy...and I will be happy too. The world is a big, cute place with a lot of good stuff. You will like it a lot."

She stroked Bun-Bun like she had Blacky every day in Mrs. Egan's class _—_ a careful, unusually precise hand brushing the fur. After doing this for a minute, Leni turned on her side and started snuggling with the stuffed animal. It was one of her prized possessions, one of the few things that never failed to make her outwardly express her happiness _—_ up there with her little sisters, soft things, cartoons, and ice cream. Her parents had given it to her as a baby present shortly after she was born and she cuddled with it almost every night since.

As she laid there, she imagined what her brother might look like. The best she could come up with was practically a clone of herself. "Leni's Brother" had blonde hair, liked everything she liked, and did everything with her. He would be her special boy. She closed her eyes, unfazed by the light that remained in the sky. She laid there for what felt like an eternity. Had it been just an hour or two later in the day, she would have fallen asleep.

Thankfully, Lori opened the door, holding a black VHS tape, and saw her sister lying down. At this point, such behavior didn't surprise her.

"Hey Leni," she said, standing in the doorway, "do you want to come downstairs and watch a movie? I think you'll like this one."

"What-What is it?"

"It's called _The Land Before Time_. It's a cartoon, you'll like it!"

Leni's eyes shot open. She lifted her head and stared at here sister. Lori knew she would fall for the bait. Leni got up from her bed, carrying Bun-Bun, and joined her older sister. The two of them went downstairs to the living room. The three youngest sisters were already sitting on the couch, waiting for the movie to start. Leni saw a nice spot for herself next to Luna.

"Hi Leni," Luna said, excited to see one of her big sisters.

"Hi Luna," she replied, now sporting a massive grin. She squeezed Bun-Bun, excited for what was to come.

Lori turned on the TV and nudged the tape into the VHS player. She then rushed to turn out the lights before taking the last seat next to Leni. As the opening credits rolled, she took a quick glance to the girl next to her, whose eyes were glued to the screen. The plan worked.

Leni smiled at the different dinosaurs and prehistoric animals came to life, providing visuals for the baritone narrator. By the time Littlefoot hatched from his egg, any lingering thoughts of going upstairs had vanished. He was cute, which was all that mattered to her. Compared to his mother _—_ a giant "longneck" _—_ he was tiny enough to snuggle in her arms. She even went as far as to imagine Bun-Bun as that young cuddly dinosaur and hugged it tighter.

Despite what she had told Leni, Lori had never seen _The Land Before Time_. She urged Rita to take her to the video rental store, claiming that she wanted to pick out a movie for "all my sisters". She was telling the truth, but she had Leni on her mind as she walked up and down the aisles. Lori didn't like how her sister spent most of her time alone in their room; she wanted to find something that would get her to spend time with everyone, even if it was only for an hour or two. And just by looking at the cover, she assumed that the colorful cartoon dinosaurs would win her over.

About ten minutes into the film, Lori was surprised by the vicious "sharptooth" _—_ a nasty T-Rex _—_ rampaging through the scene, trying to devour the young Littlefoot and Cera _—_ an orange "threehorn". Her heart and mind raced, demanding to know where this monster came from. Seeing the case on the floor, Lori snatched it and scanned the cover. She mentally slapped herself as she noticed the "sharptooth" lurking in the background.

 _"How did I not see that at the store?!"_

She turned left and right. Luna, Luan, and Lynn were just as terrified as she was, but Leni was practically a stone. Lori was baffled. She wanted to believe that she just wasn't paying attention, but her eyes were clearly directed at the "sharptooth".

After several tense minutes, the T-Rex appeared to be defeated. Lori took several deep breaths, hopeful that the "real movie" would start. But then it started raining on the prehistoric Earth and the clouds darkened to resemble night. A large brontosaurus had collapsed on a ridge and the young Littlefoot approached her. It was her mom, seriously wounded from the attacks. Littlefoot was distraught and urged her mother to get up.

 _"Why is this so sad?"_

Suddenly, Lori felt light-headed. She felt uncomfortable being on the couch, forced to watch not only the movies but also her little sisters' confused, heartbroken reactions. She started regretting her decision to pick this movie.

Leni was sniffling erratically, barely able to keep herself together. Tears were trickling from her eyes like streams in the forest. Although the other sisters showed distress at what was transpiring, Leni was trembling. It felt like more was being released than melancholy; it was as if her fear from the "sharptooth" scene was being dispersed too.

Lori slid her arm onto Leni's shoulder. Noticing this, Leni clung to her sister, crying into her shirt. As Lori rubbed her back, she felt like she was dreaming. It was surreal for her to watch Leni cry. She only remembered it happening once before. It was about two years ago, when they were watching a concert on TV with their parents. At one point, there was a middle-aged woman that sang a slow, gripping solo with an orchestra providing instrumentation. She didn't remember the details, but she saw how the woman's voice and the orchestra's majestic chords penetrated Leni's heart in a way that was an enigma to her.

"M-make her come back, Lori!" she wailed, gripping her sister's shirt,"Make his mommy come back!"

"I can't do that..." was all she could say, fighting back a dizzying headache.

This made Leni cry even more, causing her to squeeze Lori. By then, the other little sisters had started sobbing as well. Some of the overlapping sounds were blubbering, other were pleas for the mother to live, and some more were worried about Leni. Lori herself didn't cry at the scene, but she was uneasy towards the animosity.

Sure enough, the mother had died. And in the minutes afterward, Littlefoot sauntered around the barren, jagged terrain. Leni wasn't paying attention, though. She was still hugging Lori, struggling to breathe without whimpering. The eldest sister soothed her while still watching the movie, hoping that things get resolved.

Eventually, Littlefoot encountered a new character. She was a tiny green dinosaur with cheery blue eyes and a innocent voice.

"Leni, look!" Lori said, nudging her sister's shoulder. After several seconds of urging, she reluctantly turned her head to the screen. She had stopped crying, but her breaths were shaky. As this new character spoke, Leni found herself lightly chuckling at her voice.

"S-she's...cute..." she said, leaning against Lori.

"Yeah! She's great!" Luna said, trying whatever she can to make her big sister feel better.

"Yeah..."

The five continued to watch the movie. That dinosaur even got a cute little name _—_ Ducky. Every so often, Lori looked down at her sister. Although she never got back up on her own, Leni started smiling throughout the rest of the film. It was clear she liked all the other characters that got introduced, but her facial muscles jittered every time Ducky came on to do or say something. Ducky carried the magnetism that Lori was looking for.

Although there were several dramatic scenes that wiped that smile away, nothing was able to drag Leni down to that low she felt when the mother died. Lori and the others just watched with their eyes peeled and faces tense.

As the credits began, a female voice started singing. Lori was instantly reminded of the concert from two years. She gently got up, making sure not to disturb Leni, before racing to the VHS player and turning it off. The TV screen went to the normal blue. Lori cautiously ejected the tape and turned off the TV.

"So everyone...what did you think?" she asked.

"I liked it..." Leni replied in a deadpan tone.

"I _loved_ it!" Luna said more enthusiastically.

"I. Like," Luan babbled.

Lynn wasn't old enough to talk, but she was smiling. And with that, Lori exhaled in relief.

Not long after that, the parents entered and brought them all up to bed. Lori pampered herself with pride, knowing that she fulfilled her mission. Rita took the two oldest sisters to their room and tucked them in.

"Did you two like the movie?" their mother asked, standing between the two beds.

"Yes, Mom," Lori answered, carrying a sly smile.

"You should have seen it Mommy!" Leni said, unusually excited, "There was this one girl named Ducky and she was so cute! I wish she were here so that I could hug her and play with her!"

Rita chuckled.

"You know, I was in middle school when _Land Before Time_ came out," she said, "and everyone I knew saw it at the movies. And for weeks after that, dinosaurs were all anyone could talk about," she then sported a reverent smile, "I'm glad that you two liked this movie as much as I did when I first saw it."

She then went over to Lori and gave her a kiss.

"Good night, honey. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

Rita then went over to Leni and gave her a kiss.

"Good night Leni," she said warmly.

"Good night Mommy," she said, unusually excited, "Maybe when Ducky comes, she'll get to play with you too!"

Rita smiled at her daughter's enthusiasm.

"I'm so proud of you for spending time with your sisters tonight. It's feels really good knowing that you enjoyed the movie."

"I love Ducky!"

Rita gave her one more kiss before getting up and closing the door. Needless to say, sleep came easily for both girls that night.


	5. Having Fun

"I think Bun-Bun likes you, Luan!" Leni said. The five sisters were all sitting in a circle on the living room floor. Luan fiddled with the stuffed animal with her hands, grasping its soft white texture.

As this happened, Lori was playing with her Barbie doll. She had brought down a tupperware container with innumerable accessories: outfits, combs, brushes, the pink convertible, and other things. She was in the process of changing Barbie into her nurse outfit when the piece of plastic won Lynn's eyes. Since she was sitting next to Lori, she extended her arms out towards it. Lori noticed rather quickly.

"Lynn, you _can't_ have this," she said. Her mom had already explained to her the dangers of toys with small parts and had she been in the room at the moment, she would have told Lori to not play with it so close to the baby. But mostly, Lori just found Lynn's begging annoying. When Lynn didn't stop her grabbing, Lori just groaned.

"Ban-Ban," Luan said enthusiastically, tossing the doll into the center of the social circle.

"No, silly," Leni replied, chuckling. She then reached to grab her beloved bunny, "It is Bun...Bun."

She handed it back to Luan and watched her play with it some more, which mostly consisted of throwing it up and down. As the younger sister did this, she laughed in her cute voice.

"Ban-Ban!" she exclaimed again as she threw it up. This time, it landed behind her and outside the circle. Leni giggled again.

"Let me help you," Leni said. She then grabbed the doll and held it up in front of Luan.

"Bun," she pointed. She then paused for a brief moment to poke the bunny's plush belly, "Bun!" Luan then opened her arms, her eyes clearly burning for the doll. Leni gently handed it to her sister once more.

Meanwhile, Luna was playing with an interactive push-button board; each of the buttons had characters from _Sesame Street_ on it. Luna pushed the various buttons and grinned whenever she heard the respective character compliment her. No one else was a big fan of electronics, much to Luna's delight.

"Hey there, kids!"

Lynn Sr. emerged from the kitchen with a quip on his face and newspaper in hand. Seeing the girls sitting in their circle, he knelt next to Luna and Lynn Jr.

"You girls getting along, having fun. That's what I like to see," he said before turning his head to the other side of the circle, "Leni, you're letting Luan play with Bun-Bun?"

"Yes, daddy," Leni said, perking a smile. Luan barely noticed, however, and continued to play around with the bunny.

"I'm glad you're doing that. And what about you girls?," he asked, "Everything's going good?"

Lori nodded her head with her eyes glued to her Barbie doll, prompting Luna to do the same.

"Well okay," he said. He then gazed at the various plastic accessories in the tupperware container, "Lori, just make sure Lynn doesn't get her hands on those."

"Yes, dad," she said, not even looking up.

"Thank you."

With that, Lynn Sr took a seat at a nearby armchair and started reading his paper. None of the girls really minded their dad watching them play; in fact, they barely even noticed it.

Luan tossed up Bun-Bun and reached her hands out. To her amazement, the doll slid comfortably into her hands, causing the toddler to grin.

"Yup yup yup!" she cheered as she hugged the doll she caught.

Something clicked in Leni. A burst of excitement suddenly rushed through her and she enjoyed every moment of it. Instinctively, she propped her arms up and bent her elbows. She bent her wrists downward, causing her hands to cup in a similar fashion.

"Yup yup yup!" she mimicked, her eyes closing in glee.

Luan giggled at her big sister's antics. Leni's gleaming eyes opened to see the toddler clapping her hands, asking for more. But instead, she stuck a finger to Bun-Bun and tapped its nose. She then lifted it up to Luan's and poked it as well. As she imagined, Luan chuckled and her lips curled upwards.

"You're so cute, Luan!" she said. Her eyes were now transfixed on her sister, never breaking away, "Yes you are! Yup yup yup!"

Lori glanced up to see her two siblings. She noticed that Leni was now kneeling as opposed to sitting and leaning in towards Luan. She then turned to Lynn, who was slumped down on her leg like a puppy. Feeling the undeniable obligation, she stroked Lynn's blooming brown hair. She didn't feel much from it, though _—_ no smile, no sparkle in her eyes. As she did this, she heard Leni cheering and repeating "Yup yup yup" every couple of sentences.

 _"How can she be so happy right now? She's not trying!"_

Lori then turned back to Leni, who was now really close to Luan. A little too close, she felt, but Luan didn't seem to care _._ Both of them were laughing, beaming, and encouraging each other. If there was one thing Lori knew Leni was better at her at, it was making her sisters happy.

* * *

Leni was sitting in the corner on the floor with Blacky. She stroked it's black fur like it was Bun-Bun. Her face lacked any tension or energy.

 _"You should have been there,"_ she thought to herself, envisioning herself as much more excited than what her outward appearance conveyed. She imagined the plushie was a living, happy, furry friend she was talking to, _"The best scene in the whole movie was when Ducky was helping them get those green thingys out of the tree! And they ate them and Ducky said 'Yup yup yup!"_

She then propped the plushie so that its face was directed at her's.

 _"Yup yup yup!"_ she imagined Blacky saying.

 _"Yup yup yup! That's what Ducky says! And it gets better too. Mommy told me that there are more of those movies. So I get to see Ducky even more. Yup yup yup!"_

 _"That's good. Yup yup yup!"_

At this point, Leni started humming and swaying Blacky back in forth in her extended arms. She didn't even notice another girl approach to her.

"Hey Leni," Liliana said. In her hands, she held some paper and a crayon box. She was met, however, with detached humming; it was like she was blended into the colorless air.

"Uh...Leni?" she repeated. Still nothing. Liliana walked closer and held out the materials in front of Blacky, "Did you want to color with me?"

The blonde continued playing with her plushie. Liliana thought she could hear her classmate mummering words under her juvenile noises. But at last, she concluded that Leni was having fun in her own bubble.

"Okay then...," she said, pulling back the art supplies, "I will be coloring now. You can color too if you want."

Liliana then stepped back and retreated to one of the circular tables. Leni couldn't have been bothered to see.

* * *

"And that kids is the magic of subtraction!" Mrs. Turner exclaimed, sticking both her arms at her big, green numbers on the white board. Despite her enthusiasm, though, none of her students were excited. Some were bored, some were annoyed, and others were in the middle.

"Lame!" Sean exclaimed as he crumbled a piece of paper.

And just like that, the closing bell rang, "Very well, I hope you all have a good weekend!"

The students sighed and started getting their backpacks.

"Hey Lori, do you want to have a sleepover tonight at my house? My parents said I could have one," Emily said, walking with her friend.

"Yes! I'll just ask my mom to see if she's good with it."

Upon grabbing their things, the two girls made their way through the crowd of children and into the hallway, where all their parents were waiting. Emily tagged along with Lori as she made her way to Rita, whose stomach had become noticeably bloated.

"Hi Lori how was your day?" she asked before noticing the additional member, "And if it isn't Emily. Hi there, how was _your_ day?"

"It was great! Thanks Mrs. Loud," Emily interjected.

"Good, Mom," Lori said. She briefly looked at her friend before turning back to Rita, "Hey Mom, can I go over Emily's house tonight for a sleepover?"

The two of them smiled, hoping the adult would grant their wish.

"I'm sorry, girls, but tonight is not a good night for that. The doctors want me at the hospital to make sure the baby is doing well," she said regretfully, "How about next weekend? Does that sound fair?"

The two girls sighed and groaned.

"Sorry," Emily said to Lori, "I'll see if we can do it next week," she then turned to Rita and straightened her face, "Good luck Mrs. Loud."

Rita smiled.

"Thank you Emily! That's very nice of you," she said. She then took her hand and rubbed her inflated belly, "And I'm sure my special little guy will be happy to see the doctors again."

"I hope you all have a nice weekend!" Emily said. And with that, she left to attend to her awaiting mother. Lori, however, still had the face of a stone.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Rita asked, approaching her daughter.

"I wanted a sleepover," she pouted.

"I know you're upset, but soon you'll have a brother to play with. Doesn't that sound exciting?"

"And why did it have to be a boy? Why couldn't it be a girl?"

Rita was disappointed in herself for not resolving this. It wasn't the first time she had gotten that answer from Lori and no answer seemed to be good enough for her. That didn't stop the mother from trying, though.

"Honey," she started. She then leaned her body towards the hallway, "Let's go pick up Leni and we can talk on the way."

She started walking down the corridor. The moody Lori trudged alongside her.

"When gave me and Daddy you and your sisters, we didn't choose to have you all be girls. It was God that made that decision. This time, God chose to give us a boy."

"But why?"

"We don't know. God works in ways that we can't learn about. But what we do know about Him is that He loves all of us. You, me, Daddy, your sisters, Emily, everyone. He loves boys and girls the same because they are all special. Your brother is someone God loves in the same way you are someone God loves."

"But now there's gonna be Ace Savvy toys and comic books everywhere!" Lori lamented, "It's gross! Boys are bad anyway. They are mean! Brother is gonna be really bad to me and my sisters."

"Not all boys are bad. What makes you think they are?" Rita asked.

Lori sighed.

"There's this one boy in my class named Sean. And he's really rude. He _always_ talks back to the teacher, he never does his homework, and he's mean to us! And now I'm gonna have a boy like Sean living in my own house. It's not fair!"

Rita has heard Lori talk about this boy several times before and she had tried to reassure her, but the girl still doesn't understand. She figured it was important for her to comprehend it, even if she had to tell it a hundred times.

"Lori, not all boys are like Sean. Some of them are mean, yes, but not all of them. Me and Dad will work hard to make sure your brother is not like that. We will love him, we will care for him, and we will try to show him how to be good. Just like you and your sisters."

Lori didn't respond. She just kept walking alongside her mother, noting how they were getting close to Mrs. Egan's room.

"I want you to be able to get along with your brother when he comes," Rita continued at the urging of her daughter's silence, "he will be something special. He will grow up to like certain things, have friends, and maybe even find a special someone. Just like you and your sisters."

"Mom!" Lori exclaimed, blushing a little, "Boys are dirty and I don't want a special someone."

"That's okay. You're young and you may not like that idea. But when you get older, you might change your mind and you might start falling in love."

"Stop it. I don't want to talk about this," she replied, her face now even redder and more flustered.

Rita forced back some laughter.

"I'm just having fun with you Lori," she said, looking down at her, "I guess what I want you to know is that you shouldn't be mad about having a brother. He will be a blessing to our family and I hope that with time, you can see that."

Lori stared at the crowd of parents outside Mrs. Egan's door.

"Okay we're here," she uttered, trying to flush away the awkwardness and embarrassment.

The two settled in the special corner of the hallway. It wasn't long before each of the students flooded out the door, eager to escape for the weekend. Leni emerged with her arms up, eyes closed, and smile widened, trying once again to imitate Ducky. Lori groaned.

"Hi Leni," Rita said, giving her second daughter a hug, "How was your day?"

"Good...," she said before flouting her arms up even higher, "yup yup yup!"

Rita chuckled.

"I'm happy to hear that."

"You were doing that during school?! That's weird," Lori snickered.

"Lori!" Rita said, shooting her head to her. She then exhaled and turned back to Leni, who appeared unaffected by the comment, "It's good to be yourself, Leni. Never be ashamed to show to others who you are."

"Yup yup yup!" Leni chipped.

And the three of them left. Rita smiling, Leni pretending to be Ducky, and Lori somewhat annoyed.


	6. Far Away

Lori was plopped down on the couch, tuning into her favorite show.

"Will Marcy say yes? Find out now on _Los Angels_!"

She groaned thinking about the commercials that have flooded the Bizney Channel this past week. She was prepared for the mushy, annoying scenes they promised, but banked on the hope that Marcy, her favorite character, would stay true to herself; a fashionista with a joke to quip and too good to fall in love.

As the _Los Angels_ theme song played, Lori's dad came in, carrying the infant Lynn.

"Hey Lori. I'm gonna start making supper. Could you keep an eye on Lynn while I do that?"

"But dad," she moaned, "I'm watching my show!"

Lynn Sr. then placed the baby on the soft couch, besides Lori.

"Please," he said, "she can just sit next to you and you could watch your show together. How does that sound?"

Lori sighed.

"Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes. That'll give you two plenty of time to see everything you want."

Before she could reply, her dad retreated into the kitchen. By then, the theme song was finished and the show began. Lori did her best to pay attention, but Lynn was trying to climb up her arm.

"Lynn! No!"

She didn't stop. She started trying harder, pulling Lori's shoulder down. Unable to ignore the situation, she broke away from the screen to see Lynn's eyes burning with desire.

"Lynn!" she said, trying to pry the little hands off her body, "You _can't_ do that! Keep your hands off!"

Lori turned back to the screen and tried to concentrate. The current scene was one that was played in all the commercials: Josh flirting with Marcy. It annoyed Lori to no end, especially now having to see the same dialogue, same acting, and same framing playing for what felt like the hundredth time at this point. She then got an idea of how to get through it.

"So, Lynn," she said, painting a grin on her face, "You haven't seen this show before."

Lynn sat there with an open-mouthed smile and her head turned away.

"Well today's your lucky day. Now," she said, lifting Lynn and placing her on her lap, "This is called _Los Angels_ and it's your big sister's favorite show. You see that girl with the really nice and shiny brown hair?"

She grabbed Lynn's hand and used it to point at the character on the TV screen.

"Her name is Marcy and she is the good girl. You like her. Now do you see that gross boy talking to her?"

Lori pulled her baby sister's arm to the right. Lynn, hating the fast movement, tried jerking away from her mighty grasp, but it was of no use.

"That joker is Josh. He's rude and he's mean and he smells. He's bad and you can't stand him," she said. Lori then peered down to see Lynn using her free hand to pick her nose, "Hey pay attention!"

She paused to give her sister time to stop distracting herself. All the while, the scene continued. Josh pulled out a box of chocolates and offered it to Marcy. Marcy, being a helpless chocoholic, accepted the box and smiled.

"Oh come on!" Lori exclaimed.

"Is everything okay in there?" Lynn Sr. asked from the kitchen.

"Yes, Daddy."

Without even checking to see if Lynn was paying attention, Lori continued as she watched the episode unfold.

"Now here's the crummy part. Marcy doesn't like Josh, which is the right thing. Marcy also doesn't like falling in love because that's gross. She doesn't like watching grown ups kissing and stuff. But Josh right there thinks that he can change her mind and make her fall in love with him. And she's fallen right into a trap. Chocolates!"

Lori looked back down to see Lynn lying on her legs, her eyes missing the screen. Seeing this, she sighed.

"Why aren't you watching? Don't you feel mad at Josh? Don't you want Marcy to find her way out of this?"

Lynn just rested, her innocent mind in a world of its own. Once again, Lori sighed. Rather than trying again,she just resumed watching the episode by herself. To her, that's how it was originally going to be. But then, why didn't she feel anything? No anger at Josh, no hope for Marcy, no attachment to anything. The glass screen separating the two worlds was well-defined.

 _"I wish Emily were here. This night was gonna be perfect. Sleepover and snacks and everything."_

As those thoughts made their course, Lori did start to feel something. A headache.

 _"Stupid Mom and stupid doctors and stupid brother. Isn't five kids enough?!"_

The throbbing pain persisted. She took several deep breaths in an attempt to alleviate it, but they did little to help.

The show cut to a commercial break, leaving Lori alone with herself and her two-year-old sister. Finding none of the ads interesting, she dropped her head to her sister, who looked unusually calm. Most of the time, Lynn was either whacking one of her toys or trying to climb something; she had even become proficient at walking. Sure, there were times during the day where the baby got tired, but she was almost never lying on her knees.

Despite the heartwarming sight, Lori barely cracked a smile. She made sure to remain still and occasionally stroked her sister's brown hair.

 _"It's fine. You can just rest right there. Don't worry about the show."_

Before turning back to her show, Lori gave her sister another gentle rub and said,

"I love you."

* * *

Leni and Mrs. Boxer, a short elderly woman, were seating at a small round table. Upon its surface were flashcards, books, paper, and pencils. The room they were in was compact and windowless; to make up for this, the white walls were laden with colorful posters with children and animals on them. Also adorning these decorations were reminders written in bubbly letters about personal space, eye contact, appropriate conversation, and figures of speech.

"Okay, very good Leni," Mrs. Boxer said as she slid away some papers and summoned some flashcards, "Now, I will show you some faces and I want you to tell me how that person is feeling."

Leni merely shrugged as she eyed the teacher. Her eyes froze in place as she was revealed the first card. It was a color drawing of a face whose lips were curved downwards and had a tear streaming down his cheek.

"How do you think this person is feeling?"

She sat there, not sure at first. To her, the answer was nothing because no face was there. Leni then thought it was how she herself was feeling, but she couldn't quite put that to words _—_ she didn't sense any wave of emotion flooding her mind. What resulted from all this was a long silence.

"Is this person smiling?" Mrs. Boxer asked, tracing the drawing with her finger, "Is he laughing?"

Realizing her focus, she directed her attention to the drawing itself. It didn't take long for her to reach one conclusion.

"...No..." she said, twiddling her thumbs.

"What is the person doing? Does he look mad? Or is he sad?"

Once more, Leni sat there and thought it through. She wasn't sure if it were anger, but that was a feeling she couldn't wrap her head around. To her, she couldn't understand why anyone, let alone a simple drawing, would feel that way. This left sadness. She had to work it out, searching for what she knew about it. And then she remembered what happened to Littlefoot's mom. The memory was too detached to make her well up, but she did recall the feeling of tears breaking free from her eyes.

"He's...sad..." she finally said.

"That's right," Mrs. Boxer replied, casting a rewarding grin and using her finger once more to articulate the drawing's details,"This boy is crying and he is not smiling. That means he's sad. And if you see someone that is sad, what do you do?"

There was a pause. Leni then leaned towards the picture with her arms extended.

"Hugging is one thing you can do. What else could you do?"

Leni froze. Her arms bent as they remained there with no certain target. She started staring at the white tiles on the floor with her mouth open. But words could not be found.

"You could ask him why he is sad," Mrs. Boxer said. Leni, however, didn't change her position, "Uh...Leni. Could you please look up at me? It's good to look others in the eye when they are talking to you."

Allowing the instructions to flow into her ears, Leni rolled her back up into a proper sitting position and stared at Mrs. Boxer.

"Very good. If someone is sad, you could ask him why he is feeling that way. He could be sad because he dropped his ice cream, or maybe he fell down and got hurt."

Leni listened to her teacher; her eyes didn't even dare to move.

"Well..." she then said, "um...did he fall down?"

"Yes. Let's say that this boy was running on the playground and he fell down. His knee hurts and now he is sad and he starts crying," Mrs. Boxer said. She then handed the flash card to Leni, who then held it with an awkward grip, "What do you do?"

Leni was now eyeing the card, absorbing its various features. Instinctively, she pulled it into her chest and started swaying in her chair.

"Okay, now the next thing to do is find a teacher and tell her that the boy is hurt."

It took her a moment to register that comment. She then stopped rocking and looked back up at Mrs. Boxer with an uncertain look.

"Okay. I'm the teacher," Mrs. Boxer said, pointing her fingers at herself, "Leni, do you want to tell me something?"

Leni's eyes fell to the floor.

"Uh...Mrs...Boxer,"

"Remember to look at the person you are talking to," she reminded.

She then lifted her head, however nothing was said for several seconds.

"He is sad...he uh...fell down and...he's crying."

"Thank you for telling me Leni. I will take him to the nurse's office," she replied. She then lowered her hands, "Very good, Leni. You are getting better every day."

Mrs. Boxer then cast a smile at her, but she wasn't compelled to mirror the expression.

"That's all we have to do today. Let's walk back to Mrs. Egan's, shall we?"

Mrs. Boxer then put her things away and got up. Leni silently followed her.

"It sounds like you are having a lot of fun with Mrs. Egan," she said, trying to get a conversation going, "What made you the most happy in class this week?"

Leni walked by her side, trying to think of something spectacular. After briefly brimming through the things that happened, something came to mind.

"...I saw a kid...he was coloring a picture...of Ducky and I...said 'Yup yup yup'," she said, smirking a little. She even propped her arms in her 'Ducky pose' as she strolled along.

Mrs. Boxer chuckled at the sight.

"I'm happy that you are being yourself, Leni. Kids like it when you show them who you are. Do you know anyone that likes _Land Before Time_?"

"No," she replied, "they don't talk about it or play about it...or color it. They like other things."

"What do the other kids talk about?"

Leni concentrated on what she remembered from class. Her strides noticeably became uneven at some points, but she was able to redirect herself when she was on the verge of stumbling.

"Uh..." she said as she continued to think, "They like...um...toys."

"You like toys. And there's lots of them in Mrs. Egan's room. Maybe you could ask someone to play with you."

"Maybe..." she said cheerfully, although she wasn't thinking about the prospect; it seemed too distant for her to grasp.

Eventually, the two wound up at the appropriate door.

"Well, here we are," Mrs. Boxer said, smiling, "Thank you so much for another great day. I will see you again next week."

"Sure..." she said, still holding her pose.

And with that, Leni re-entered the room. The kids were all making their way to the cupboard full of blue mats.

"Leni," Mrs. Egan said with her trademark grin, "Did you have a good time with Mrs. Boxer?"

"Yes," she said, motivated largely from the energy she felt from talking about Ducky.

"That's wonderful," the teacher said. She then leaned towards the cupboard, directing Leni's vision, "The others are getting ready for nap time. You should get your mat."

Without any verbal acknowledgment, she moved to the shelf, nudged herself past the other waiting kids, and dragged one for herself. While still gripping the mat, Leni made her way to the toy cabinet and pulled out Blacky; such was her ritual at nap time. She found an open space on the floor and let go of the mat, letting it slide across the tiles. She slowly got down and rested herself on the foam surface. She curled herself around the plushie, as if it were big enough to be a blanket. Her mind cleared and she slipped into sleep.


	7. Making Choices

The Halloween Emporium was packed on that Saturday afternoon before the big night. Practically every kid under the age of thirteen decided to get their costumes just three days before, five of which were the Loud sisters.

After spending a few minutes finding an open parking spot, the entire Loud family entered holding hands and were quickly stunned by the crowd. The line had six couples in it, each with children. As they made their way to the costume section, they encountered many familiar faces in the decoration and candy aisles. Rita and Lynn Sr. stopped a few times to greet their neighbors, although such meetings were hastened by the kids' begging and dragging.

The costume section was the most packed; almost every aisle had at least two people squished along the walkway's width. Unlike the other sections, where the aisles were defined by overbearing shelves, these paths were lined with crates filled with props and tall white walls dotted by pictures of all the available costumes _._ And tucked in a corner of the complex was a door that led to the mysterious storage room, where the real things were stashed.

The next twenty minutes were defined by nudging, stretching, turning, and bending in an effort to see all the options on the wall. Lori's first pick _—_ Marcy _—_ had a red sticker beside its picture reading 'Sold Out'. After briefly pouting at the disappointment, she brought herself back together and continued her search. She eventually found one available for Barbie, surprisingly enough. Before she could question how such a popular brand wouldn't sell out so quickly, she ran to Rita, who was holding the baby Lynn.

"Mom! I want to be Barbie!" she said, grabbing one of Rita's hands and directing her to the picture of the outfit. The older woman examined the costume; it had a standard pink dress, pieces of foam wrapped around the outside of the shoes to mimic heels, and a cheap plastic mask resembling Barbie's iconic face.

"Honey, are you sure you want that one? There's a lot of costumes to pick from," she said, carrying a little concern.

"Yes Mom," Lori replied, pointing at it, "I've looked around and this is the only one I like!"

Rita quickly realized that there were little options remaining. She then gave one more look at the picture.

"Well let's try it on and make sure there's a size that fits you," she finally said.

Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. was monitoring the other three kids as they searched through all the available options. Although the three were not side by side, they were all within their father's view.

It didn't take Luan very long to settle on one. Entitled 'Circus Clown', it consisted of a toddler-sized white suit with purple suspenders sewn and colorful polka dots splattered across. In addition, it came with a pair of Groucho glasses that made her laugh. When Luan told him her choice, he went over to Rita, who was waiting outside the door to the storage room with Lori and Lynn Jr., and informed his wife.

Luna walked along the entire wall at least three times, her mind fixated on three different options. She struggled between Oscar from _Sesame Street_ , a Black Power Ranger, and a police officer. Her eyes examined each of her preferences, trying to nitpick and make the choice easier, but it was more difficult than she hoped.

Leni looked and down at a slower pace than either her sisters. She glanced at each picture one row at a time. While she appeared to be indecisive, she actually had a clear image of what she wanted to go as. With every column she completed without having found it, she felt a wave of anticipation that the next one would have her coveted prize. And so it went. Eventually, she had taken a gander at every picture, but none of them appeared interesting to her. With her body lacking conviction, she made her way to Lynn Sr.

"Um...Daddy."

"Yes, sweetie," he said, giving her a smile. Unfortunately, it failed to transfer to her daughter's face.

"I don't see Ducky..."

Lynn Sr. had a strong feeling that was what Leni was going to desire. In his six years of parenting and visiting the Halloween Emporium, he didn't recall seeing any _Land Before Time_ costumes. Granted he never did a personal inventory check, but the film had been out of relevance for years. For a lot of kids, _Land Before Time_ was little more than a collection of direct-to-video sequels acting as background noise during playtime. What store would still have Halloween costumes for it?

"Well honey," he said, carefully crafting this sentence, "maybe they don't have a Ducky costume. Why don't we take another look?" he then pointed to the top of the wall, "maybe there's one way up there."

The two then went to one of the wall and began their search.

"Would you like me to hold you so you can see those pictures at the very top?" Lynn Sr. asked.

Leni moaned and and stood there, almost unattached from her father's conversation. Lynn Sr. was familiar with that response and he figured the answer was no.

The two spent a couple minutes looking at all the available costumes. The top ones were a little hard to see, but the father could make out their basic outlines and could tell none of them resembled a dinosaur. Sadly, his initial thought was confirmed and no Ducky was found.

"I'm sorry, Leni. It looks like you have to pick something else," he said reluctantly.

Leni didn't answer immediately. Her face didn't wince or tense up, but nothing seemed to indicate acceptance.

"But...I wanna go as Ducky..." she said blandly.

"I know you do, but I'm afraid they don't have Ducky."

Had it been one of her other daughters, there would have been some degree of an argument. Lori would have gone on for a minute or so trying to fight him _—_ as if he were dangling the desired costume just out of her reach _—_ before sighing and moving on. Luna or Luan would have had a meltdown, as the latter had last year and the former the one before that; there would have been a twenty minute struggle in the store's bathroom, trying to wipe away the tears and calm them down, followed by an effort by him and Rita to save face to the employees and other parents. Leni didn't cry or get grumpy. She barely said even a word. But she seemed to have turned her body towards an unspecified point away from the costume section. Lynn Sr. gestured towards the wall, urging Leni to at least take a look at it.

"Here, I'll help you find a costume you'll love," he said. He then scanned the pictures closest to him, trying to find one that relates to his daughter's interest.

"Look here," he said, throwing on a smile, "here's a fluffy bunny! It looks just like Bun-Bun."

That got her to move a little bit closer, however she didn't even bother to look at the picture Lynn Sr. was referring to. With that, her father continued his examination, trying to find another.

"How about this one?" he said, pointing to a puppy with black fur. Although it resembled Blacky, Leni didn't take the time to consider it.

For the next few minutes, Lynn Sr. slowly went through all the pictures once more. He knew his second daughter was fond of cuddly animals, which the wall had no short supply of. But despite her eyes being in the direction of the collage, Leni was barely paying attention. By the end, it was concerning Lynn Sr.

"Honey, are you okay?" he asked, looking down at her. All Leni could think about was her precious Ducky and how she wanted to dress up like her. If her father hadn't asked his question a second time, she would have never received it. However, despite knowing the question, she simply shrugged.

"Do you want to pick from one of these animals?" he asked.

Before she could respond, though, Luna came running up to them.

"Dad! I want that one! That one!"

Lynn Sr. turned to her third daughter, who was starting to direct him to the specific point. Leni automatically followed along. They stopped about half way down the wall and Luna tapped the picture of Oscar. Leni stumbled her way into a spot where she could see the costume. From what she could see, there was a lot of fur covering the kid wearing it and it looked really soft. Sure it had a trashcan lid on the head, but she didn't seem to mind.

"I...want that one," Leni said, lifting her arm and weakly pointing at the Oscar costume.

Lynn Sr. was surprised. He knew all his children saw _Sesame Street_ , including Leni, but he never imagined her liking a character like that. Oscar was the opposite of courtesy, gentleness, and cleanliness. If there was any character he felt she would have picked, it would not have been Oscar.

"Are you sure honey?" Lynn Sr. asked, turning to Leni.

"It's mine!" Luna exclaimed.

"They have Elmo," he said, pointing to said costume. Conveniently, all the _Sesame Street_ costumes were lumped together, "they also have Big Bird and Rosita."

"I want that one," she repeated. She got closer to the Oscar costume picture and started tapping it like Luna was.

And like that, she was settled. Lynn Sr. knew it, and nothing would have changed Leni's mind now. Besides, he felt like it would have given this Halloween a couple extra photos for the family album.

He went over to Rita and the other three daughters, with the older two carrying their costumes. Lynn Sr. told the employee to give them two Oscar costumes.

"Aw! That's gonna be adorable!" Rita said upon hearing the news.

Sure enough, the two costumes arrived in the appropriate sizes. Lynn Sr. handed it to the two for them to try on. It took about two minutes and some help for the sisters to get on the outfit and secure the trashcan lids on their heads. As expected, they fitted pretty well.

Both the parents felt wonderful seeing their daughters standing side by side in the same costume. Rita wished she could have captured the moment with a picture. But then, for the first time that day, Leni smiled _—_ always a good sign. And then, she embraced Luna. Any underlying annoyances Luna had towards her sister having the same costume evaporated. She grinned and then hugged her back.

Now, Rita regretted leaving the camera at home.


	8. Halloween Night

The big night finally arrived. Skeletons, pumpkins, cobwebs, and coffins decorated the neighborhood as each house prepared for a large share of trick-or-treaters.

The Loud House had finished dinner and the kids went to put on their costumes. All the while, Rita was pouring bag after bag of candy into a wide punch bowl and Lynn Sr. was digging through the crevices of his bedroom trying to find the camera. By now, both the parents knew the drill: Lynn Sr. took out the kids while Rita tended to the neighbors. But even with this understanding, Halloween became more difficult every year as the family got larger. Every year, it took a little longer to put on costumes, to head out, to go from house to house, and to scan every last mini chocolate bar. Indeed, the tumbling, sifting, chatting, and chuckling upstairs lasted for fifteen minutes, plenty of time for Lynn Sr. to locate the camera and the tripod stand.

"Dad! Let's go!" Lori cried out.

Grasping the cue, Lynn Sr. emerged from his first-story bedroom to be greeted by his five daughters all dressed up. Accompanying the scene were Rita's footsteps directed towards the foyer. He immediately noticed that Lori appeared even more impatient than last year _—_ frowning and gripping baby Lynn in her arms. But the father wasn't about to barge out without completing some "rituals".

For one, it was tradition in the Loud House for the youngest to wear an infant-sized pumpkin costume. It started with Lori's first Halloween and every year since it had passed on to the next child, but lucky Lynn got it for a second.

"Aw! You all look great," Rita exclaimed, beaming, as she entered the room.

"You're just in time," he replied as she grabbed Lynn from Lori and handed her to his wife.

"Mom! Dad! Do we _have_ to do this?" Lori moaned, tapping her foot.

"It's for the album!"

Rita smiled and held up Lynn, who was distracted by the interior decorations lining the walls. Lynn Sr. didn't mind and he snapped the camera, producing a glaring flash. The final result materialized on the screen in the camera's back. It was beautiful.

"Yes!" he cheered, "Now before we go, I want a picture of all of us."

Lori sighed and clumped with the rest of her sisters. Rita gathered behind them as Lynn Sr. attached the camera to the tripod. After aligning and setting the timer, he raced to the back and wrapped one of his arms across his wife's shoulders.

"Smile!" he said through his teeth.

The girls obliged and, after what felt like an excruciatingly long time, there was a giant flash that threatened to blind them all. The vigilant father paced back to the camera to see the result. All of them were smiling, even if Lori's looked forced. He, his wife, and Lynn all looked excited for the night of laughter and memories that was to come. Luan appeared decked out in her clown costume, ready to take on any grumpy ghost or ogre. Then there were Leni and Luna, both dressed up as Oscar. They were both hugging each other and their faces emanated a sisterly love; even though they weren't technically twins, they sure acted like them. Lynn Sr. couldn't help but smile at those two.

"Thank you," he said calmly, "Now let's have the best night ever."

"Finally!" Lori said.

The eldest sister led the way towards the door, tempted to burst out.

"Remember to stick together kids," Rita said as she saw them move, "And don't eat any candy until me and Daddy check it! Love you!"

Lynn Sr. knew he had to act quickly. In a swift motion, he detached the camera from the tripod, snatched Lynn's candy bag, and took the infant out of Rita's hand. He then burst out the door and caught up to the girls.

"Okay kids," he said from the back, "First stop is Mr. Grouse's."

Lori groaned.

"But Dad! He's old and grumpy!" she complained.

"Now girls, I think he would really like it. It's not every day that he gets visitors," he said as he tried to keep up with Lori's breakneck pace.

Mr. Grouse's house was lonely and barren. The lawn was nice _—_ thanks to the help of a volunteering teenager _—_ and the paint was far from dull or chipped, but the lack of decorations made the abode stick out. Not helping matters was the fact that aside from the front porch, the house was dark aside from a single lamp light glowing through the shut curtains covering the window. The only thing even remotely festive about the place was a bowl of licorice and mints that rested on the porch's top step.

"Alright girls, make sure to take _only_ one," Lynn Sr. said as he did so for his youngest girl. It wasn't hard for the others to obey, as they all appeared eager to get off the wooden steps as quickly as possible. The father found it sad that his daughters had no interest in befriending their elderly neighbor.

"Hold on," he said. Rather than freezing, the girls allowed themselves to slow down. Ever so gradually, "Before we leave, I think it would be really nice if we said 'hi' to Mr. Grouse."

Lori didn't even bother trying to protest this time; she had accepted the fact that she was going to have to follow her dad's weird ways.

While holding Lynn, he turned to the door and gave it several hearty knocks. From inside, he heard mumbling and movement. And then, he was greeted to Grouse, appearing as his usual self _—_ sagging shoulders, tight lips, loose cheeks, and bent back.

"Hello Mr. Grouse," Lynn Sr. said with a peppy grin, "We the Loud Family would like to wish you a Happy Halloween!"

Grouse sighed and lowered his head, staring at his welcome mat. It took a mountain of effort to get it back up to face his neighbor.

"Yeah. Just take the candy and go."

Before Lynn Sr. could reply, Grouse slammed the door. He didn't falter, though, as he maintained his cheery attitude as he faced the girls.

"Let's go!" he said, trying to come across as pumped.

The Louds began making their round around the neighborhood, going from door to door and accumulating chocolate, taffy, M&Ns, and other treats. Outside of Mr. Grouse, most of the neighbors were parents and gave the Louds a warm reception from their doorsteps. Lynn Sr. mainly relegated himself to a simple greeting and farewell to these grown-ups, all in an effort of maximizing the kids' candy load.

At one house, the McAllisters, the bowl on the doorstop had a wide array of options, far more than what most people do. Lori decisively snagged a mini Mershey's bar and practically leaped off the porch. In the following ten seconds, most of the other sisters had made their choice. But Leni stared at the bowl and dabbled her hand along the surface of plastic and paper wrappers. Meanwhile, the others were focused purely on the straggler.

"Just pick one already!" Lori exclaimed.

"Lori. Be patient," Lynn Sr. replied.

Mr. and Mrs. McAllister, however, chuckled at the scene.

"So many things to pick from," Mr. McAllister said from his lawn chair, a tight fit for the narrow porch.

"It's okay, Leni. Choose whatever you want," his wife added, throwing on a smile. Although it took another twenty seconds, she eventually settled for a mini Mershey's bar _—_ her twelfth of the night.

"Thank you, have a happy Halloween!" Lynn Sr. said as he waved to the neighbors.

"You too Lynn," Mrs. McAllister said, "And tell Rita I said 'hi'!"

As the Louds continued their trek, they came across other familiar faces. Many of the houses recycled the same decorations, making the neighborhood feel like a bubble frozen in time. Lynn Sr. admired how his community embedded tradition, treating some things as something to be remembered rather than erased by the rapid waves of change.

Although Lori was the one pushing the group along, the momentum halted as she suddenly veered from it.

"Emily! How you doing?" she said, taking off her mask, running up to hug her friend, who was dressed up as Riley from _Los Angels_.

"Great! I have so much candy!" Emily answered as she presented her bag, which was nearly full.

"Lucky! I _should_ have hit more houses by now, but these babies are slowing me down!"

"Hey!" Luna jeered.

By this point, Lynn Sr. had realized that the boat had been anchored and decided to stir up a conversation with Emily's parents. Meanwhile, the younger sisters were left to wait.

"Let's go!" Luna said.

"Can't you see I'm busy," Lori shot back. She then turned to Emily and rolled her eyes, "Sisters."

"You should have come with me. The two of us could have made it to the other side of town."

"Tell me about it," Lori said. It wasn't that she had forgotten about her friend; she did ask her parents if she could trick-or-treat with Emily instead. Unfortunately, family won out, "But enough about that! Where did you get that costume?"

"The Haunted Mansion," Emily said, showing off the T-Shirt and wig with luscious brown curls that embodied Riley's appearance.

"Did they have Marcy there?" she asked slowly, anxious to learn the answer.

"Yes."

Lori felt her uneasiness evolve into jealously, which then quickly morphed into bitterness. She was ashamed by her costume's tackiness. The notion that her desired outfit _—_ Marcy _—_ was out of reach made it easier to accept the tacky dress, the sad attempt to imitate designer heels, and the mask that acted as an airtight oven. Lori felt robbed of a better experience, all in the name of maintaining the status quo.

"Does this...look good?" she asked, awkwardly putting the plastic mask back on.

"Of course," Emily replied, "Who doesn't like Barbie?"

But Lori knew better. She could tell by her friend's soft and mellow tone that she was just trying to be nice. She couldn't blame her.

"Why thanks," she said, inflating her voice and projecting it through the material layer, "I love Barbie. And I'm gonna get so much more candy with it!"

"That's great. I'm happy for you," Emily said. She then waved to Lori's siblings who, for the most part, weren't paying attention to their conversation.

"Well...I'll let you get back to trick-or-treating. I have so much houses to go to!" Lori declared.

"Okay then," she replied before giving her friend another hug, "Happy Halloween."

After they separated, the two first graders alerted their parents that the travel break was over. Luna rejoiced as she set herself back on the path, although it was Lori who was acting as if she was suffering from the lost trick-or-treating time.

"Hey Luan," Luna said, walking alongside her little sister, "What do you have in there?"

"Uh..." Luan held out as her hand sifted through her bag, "Candy."

Luna peered into the bag and saw the mixture of lollipops, chocolate bars, and taffy. She then got an idea.

"If you give me one of yours, I will give you one of mine," she said grinning.

Luan didn't answer right away. She wasn't sure what would happen if Luna dared snatch one of her prizes. But before she could come to a conclusion, Luna reached into her own bag and pulled out a lollipop.

"I want Mershey's," Luna said, holding the stick up like a dog treat. Luan, however, wasn't salivating at the mere sight of the candy. Not helping matters was the fact that the pop's wrapper said the flavor was random. Luan turned away from her big sister, trying to ignore the offer, "Come on Luan! You love lollipops! Give me a Mershey's!"

"No! I like Mer...sheees," the three-year-old Luan said, fighting the limits of her ability to pronounce words. But even with her outright refusal, Luna pressed on, trying to get the candy bar out of her. Luna started to lose her patience and yelled, threatening to use her hands to take it by force.

"Girls! Stop!" Lynn Sr. interjected as he halted the group. The other sisters watched as Luna was leaning against a crouching Luan trying to steal her candy. He handed Lynn to Lori and went to the quarrel to separate the two. In the midst of this, Leni walked up with her typical expression-less face to the three with her candy bag. She looked in her bag, which was filled with nothing but Mershey bars and took one out. She then held it out in front of Luna.

"Luna, look!" Lynn Sr. said, noticing the gesture, "Leni wants to give you one of her's."

The instigator immediately pried herself off Luan and accepted the wrapped piece of chocolate.

"Thank you," Luna said, her frown having quickly been replaced by a smile. She then dropped it in her bag and presented her loot to Leni, "Here, take one."

But Leni merely went back to her original position; her face didn't move a muscle. Luna found it weird, but she went on.

 _"She can pick one when we get home."_

And so the journey continued as normal _—_ more houses hit, more candy (especially Mershey's bars), and more friendly neighbors greeting Lynn Sr. and the kids. The peace and rhythm of the routine persisted as the night wore on. Luan had even forgotten all about the incident and could enjoy everything Halloween had to offer.

Eventually, they came upon the Santiago house. For the past couple years, Lynn Sr. had always saved this one for last. It was a part of a cul-de-sac entrenched in the middle of the neighborhood. Although many of the houses on it had light decorations, the Santiagos loved to go full out. The entire front of the house was caked in a thick cobweb, a fleshed out vampire was standing on one side of the lawn, and on the other was a giant inflated spider.

As the house came into the Louds' sight, there was a sharp screech. Lynn Sr. jerked back to see Leni screaming. He knelt down beside his second daughter and hugged, all while softly shushing into her.

"It's okay, honey. You don't need to be scared," he said. To add to it, he started rubbing her back. Such actions were natural and fluid for him at this point. But although the screaming halted, Leni's eyes remained like shaking saucers.

"Leni...it's okay," he said, allowing her to see his reassuring face, "It's not a spider. It can't crawl on you. It can't hurt you."

Her breathing, though, remained airy and unsteady. Seeing this, Lynn Sr. gave her a smile and his eyes lit up.

"You know that I am also scared by spiders, but I don't feel scared because there's no spider here," he said, placing one of his hands on her shoulder, "If you want, I can hold your hand as we go here. Would you like that?"

Leni stared at her dad, her face still wrecked by terror. But, she found herself able to open her trembling lips.

"Okay..." she said.

Lynn Sr. then stood up and offered his hand to Leni, who slowly accepted it. With that, the group walked up to the front steps of the Santiago house. Leni dragged her feet at several points, however she was able to move on with the help of her father's words.

At the front porch were the two Santiago parents and their son Bobby, who was dressed as Batman. The most prominent feature was the bump on Mrs. Santiago's stomach. It wasn't as large as Rita's, but it was noticeable.

"At last, the Louds are here!" Mrs. Santiago said, going up to Lynn Sr.; if he was holding an infant and Leni's hand, she would have shook his.

"You did it again! That spider float never fails to spook me," Lynn Sr. said.

"Um...Daddy...I thought...you were not scared..." Leni said, staring up at him to clear her fogged train of thought.

Mrs. Santiago chuckled.

"Oh Lynn, your girl cracks me up."

Lynn Sr. followed to until he looked back down at Leni and tried explaining to her that he was giving a compliment. Unfortunately, Leni didn't smile; she merely stood there, emotionally neutral.

"Hi Lori," Bobby said walking up to her.

"Oh...hi Bobby," she said with uncertainty.

The two of them stood there in silence, trying to think of something to say to each other.

"How about that homework Mrs. Turner gave us?" Bobby said, throwing up a grin, "It was hard..."

"Uh yeah," Lori said, although without the smile. At that moment, she could understand how Leni could walk around with a blank face most of the time.

Before the scene could get more awkward, the others had picked out their candy. Lori darted away, remotely hearing Bobby tell her goodbye. Not much was said of it, though as the Louds made the walk back home.

By the time they returned, trick-or-treating had ended and the streets had mostly cleared out. As they headed inside, the kids went into the kitchen and placed their bags on the kitchen table. Rita told them that they could get unchanged as she and Lynn Sr. examined the mountain of candy for anything suspicious. Because there was so much, the sorting lasted an excruciating twenty minutes _—_ more than enough time to throw off the costumes and chuck them in the closet. The girls remained in their respective rooms aside from Lynn, who was downstairs with the parents. It was a boring twenty minutes, as the girls sat on their beds, silent. What was there to talk about after having one of the most exciting nights of the year and waiting for the real reward to be enjoyed? They all knew what was in store, and enough energy was spent on thinking about the tastes that were to come.

Eventually, the parents called down the girls; as they expected, no wrappers were ripped. The four older girls paced downstairs to the kitchen, where they were greeted by their respective bags.

As they all stood there in the kitchen, Luna went up to Leni.

"Here," she said, holding up her bag, "take one."

Leni wasn't sure how to go about this. She raised her hand and left it in the air, unsure of where to direct it. Luna was patient, though, and gave her big sister all the time she needed to make a choice. After looking for a while, Leni settled for one of the few Mershey bars Luna had acquired. But Luna merely smiled and hugged her sibling.

"Thank you, Leni. You're the best!"

And for the second time that day, Leni smiled back and embraced her sister.


	9. New Arrival

Snow blanketed the grass surrounding Royal Woods Elementary. Many of the kids loved sledding and playing in it, however the school imposed indoor recess due to the 'unsuitable' weather. Not that Leni minded either way.

Recess had ended, the toys were put away, and the students were sitting on the rug. Mrs. Egan was standing in the front holding up a large cardboard calendar _—_ dotted with hearts and pink and purple letters and numbers.

"Okay kids, now tomorrow is a very special day," the teacher said, using her hand to point to a specific box on the calendar, "tomorrow is February 14, which is Valentine's Day. Have you heard about it?"

Most of the kids were silently staring at Mrs. Egan and her calendar, however a few of them raised their hands.

"Yes Dorothy."

"I watched _Spongebob_ and they were having Vale-Valen-Valen-tine's Day and Spongebob and Patrick were giving stuff like candy and hearts."

Mrs. Egan beamed at her pupil's response.

"Yes. On that day, people do give each other candy, but they also give each other cards and and necklaces and toys and other things that mean a lot to them. Valentine's Day is about showing others that they are special and that you care about them."

One of the boys raised his hand and waved it around in the air. Upon finishing her sentence, the teacher called on him to speak his mind.

"My big sister has a boyfriend a-and she said she is going to be with him on Valen-Val...Valentine's Day."

In the six months they've worked together, Mrs. Egan was well aware about these big brothers and sisters; some of them were former students of her's. And adding onto this was the prominence the subject received family movies and Bizney shows. So naturally, teenage romance wasn't foreign to these five and six years old.

"Well Tyler, Alice's boyfriend is someone that means a lot to her," she said while trying to use the hearts on the calendar as visuals, "and there are a lot of different people that you can show that love to. For you, it could be Alice. It could be your Mom and Dad. It could be me or one of your friends. Heck, it can be all of us at the same time! That's what makes Valentine's Day a wonderful holiday and it would be great if we could all celebrate."

Mrs. Egan rested the calendar on her desk and pointed to the counter lined up against the windows.

"In the back are mini cardboard boxes, construction paper, stickers, markers, crayons, scissors, and glue," she announced. The children turned their heads to try and see the display, "For Valentine's Day, we are all going to make special mailboxes. You can use whatever you like to make your mailboxes show off what makes you you. And then for tomorrow, you can bring in something special to give to each of your classmates."

Leni sat there and was petting Blacky. She had heard of Valentine's Day before, but it seemed like nothing more than grown ups kissing and doing other things she was too young to do. As Mrs. Egan explained it, however, the idea suddenly felt doable and nice. And that made her excited, even if it wasn't enough to make her smile.

"If no one has questions, we can get started."

All the students rose and made their way to the back of the room, grabbing supplies. Leni wasn't one to barge into the crowd, preferring to stand and wait for the others to get what they needed before taking whatever was left. Although this meant she couldn't use scissors or glue for a while, she was left with a surplus of construction paper and markers _—_ particularly pink, white, and turquoise. She took a healthy amount of these colors and a cardboard box before making her way to her seat.

Leni looked at the other kids sitting around her, who were already cutting and making their first artistic decisions. She then looked down to see Blacky on her lap and the supplies she had picked out. For about two minutes she sat there, struggling to think of how to design her mailbox. She tried conjuring images of her sisters, Blacky, Mommy and Daddy, Bun-Bun, Ducky, and other things that made her happy _—_ something that would inspire her.

As her students worked, Mrs. Egan's phone rang. Since she was close to it, she was able to respond quickly.

"Mrs. Egan. How may I help you?"

It was Mrs. Hutchins, the secretary in the main office. The call lasted no more than twenty seconds, but it was long enough for Mrs. Egan to develop sprinkles of excitement and fear.

After putting down the phone, she walked over to one of the tables, where a very particular student was sitting.

"Hey Leni," she said as her lips curled upwards, "Daddy's here to pick you up."

Leni's mouth lowered as she looked up at her teacher's lively eyes.

"But...uh...what about this? I want to make this for...Valen day..." she said meekly. Her head veered away from Mrs. Egan and her eyes found their way to the supplies sprawled across her space.

"It's okay. We won't have Valentine's Day without you. Daddy knows that you want to be there and we'll make sure you won't be left out."

As Mrs. Egan touched the back of her chair, Leni turned back to face her teacher.

"And," she added, stretching her lips further, "Daddy wants you to meet someone very special. He wouldn't pull you out of school unless he knew it would make you happy."

Leni's eyes widened. She then pulled out her chair and got up. Mrs. Egan watched as she marched to do her end-of-the-day routine with swiftness and precision. Within a minute, Leni had her puffy coat and backpack on.

"Goodbye Mrs. Egan!" Leni exclaimed, which startled her classmates but endeared her teacher.

"Have a nice day Leni," she said back.

Right in the hallway was Lynn Sr. and all of her sisters, even the ones who were too young to be in school. Leni's face exploded with joy as she ran up to hug her dad.

"Hey kiddo, how was school?" he asked.

"Good," was all she could say.

He was lost in the moment. It wasn't every day that he saw his second daughter so outwardly excited. Adding onto that was all his children being there, even if they weren't in the embrace. It was a family moment. But it was that revelation that made him snap out of it.

"We gotta go!" he asserted, although the command was betrayed by his loose diction and heavy breathing, "Mommy's waiting for us!"

And with that, the family raced out to the giant blue SUV, which was sloppily parked in the stripped yellow fire lane. Lynn Sr. was relieved that the car wasn't towed in the short time he was in the school, but this was quickly sidelined to his rapid departure. With quick hands, he strapped the younger girls into their baby seats and ordered Lori to handle the rest as he got Vanzilla started. The experienced father _—_ still in his early thirties _—_ jammed the key in the ignition and fired up the engine. There was a blast of digitized sound as the radio came alive, but Lynn Sr. was quick to shut it off. On a tense day like this, music only made things worse.

Vanzilla roared down the road. Lynn Sr. took advantage of Royal Woods's chronic shortage of police officers to push the tanker at least ten miles over the speed limit. His hands were glued to the firm steering wheel. His eyes shot lasers at the horizon.

The uneasiness was too much to bear; the baby Lynn burst into tears.

"Lori. Make her feel better."

The oldest was conveniently sitting next to the youngest. Without a moment to protest, Lori turned to her sister and manifested concern in both her eyes and voice.

"Shh..Shh..." she said with pressed lips and a stern finger attached. Lynn's wailing persisted, though. For a two-year-old, her voice was rather bombastic and shrill. She fit the Loud name rather well _—_ too well.

"Lynn. Lynn," Lori said. She started using her hands to keep her sister's arms in place. She continued trying to say whatever she thought was comforting. Unfortunately, Lynn never calmed down. Lori was frustrated that she _—_ the oldest _—_ was unable to be useful under such urgent circumstances. But she herself didn't lose her cool. The air's bitterness and flush of anxiety created an effect that was quite contrary to what one would expect _—_ an inability to scream, cry, laugh, or let out any lingering thoughts. She may not have been old enough to understand why, but it burnt at her mind like a match.

During all this, Leni sat at her big sister's other side. She tuned out the commotion and gazed out the window, a past time she had grown fond of. She memorized the stains that had accumulated on the glass from years of weathering. She also liked watching the trees, buildings, pedestrians, and signs whizzing past her as Vanzilla sped off. Not even the turbulence could have distracted her from her sight-seeing.

After what felt like an eternity, Vanzilla parked at the hospital and its doors flung open. Lori and Lyhn Sr. swiftly got everyone out and they hustled into the main lobby. The nurse and other clients were drawn from their own worlds to see the gasping spectacle before them, although the former had anticipated their arrival as she pulled out the proper paperwork. Lynn Sr. fumbled with the black pen as he scribbled down all the appropriate information; it was barely legible, but the nurse accepted it.

After five pregnancies, Lynn Sr. knew the procedure like the back of his hand _—_ elevator to third floor, turn right, go down the hall, and sit in the waiting room for the news. Of course, that never made it any easier _._ And topping it off was the black and white analog clock that towered over the entire room. He had mixed feelings about it.

The room came with a toy box and book shelf, which most of the girls took advantage of. Most of them were quick to pick something to use, to kill time before meeting their new arrival. Leni, however, wandered about the room, pulling books out and looking at them. For each one she grabbed, she stared at the cover for about ten seconds and arbitrarily leafed through some of the pages. Some of the books had illustrations, which consumed her attention for some time. Then she closed it and returned it, sometimes in the middle of the story.

Lori gripped a stuff doll. Now that the atmosphere has relaxed, she found her entire body feeling heavy. She knew it wasn't the flu or a cold, but she lacked any sort of energy.

 _"It's not fair. I don't want to be here. I don't want to meet him."_

She sighed and tried to work up the strength to enjoy the doll's company, even if it wasn't her own. It wasn't easy, but the longer she used her imagination, the easier it became. She envisioned the Bahamas in July with her and her 'gal pal' lying on the warm sand, hearing the gentle waves and birds chirping (she wasn't sure what type though). She fantasized a conversation, even if it was just a series of tangents that were quickly forgotten. It may not have always worked and she may have been plunged back to that dreaded waiting room and the unresolved bitterness resulting from the possibility of missing Valentine's Day. She hated those moments. All she wanted to do was lose herself in her age-appropriate despair.

The door opened to reveal a man wearing blue and white. There were a few red splotches on his outfit, but he was relatively clean. But what Lynn Sr. noticed the most was the smile on his face.

"Mr. Loud," he said, "You and the kids can come in now. Congratulations!"

The father had to use every muscle in his body to stay in control. Even with number seven, the emotional overload hadn't receded. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths _—_ clear his mind. Once he thought he had hold of his reigns, he rose from his chair and turned to his daughters. His beautiful girls that each signified a distinct, heartfelt nine-month wait followed by a unique payoff.

"Girls, let's go," he said simply. The sisters dropped whatever they were doing and rushed to their father. Most of them were smiling as the doctor escorted them down a wide white hallway. The younger sisters were in awe at the unfamiliar sight. Lynn Sr. couldn't help but indulge in the excitement that was awaiting him and his girls.

Eventually, the doctor turned to a door and opened it. He smiled and allowed the family to enter.

Inside was Rita. Her face was drenched in sweat. Her hair was noticeably disheveled. Every part of her skin was redder than a fire hydrant. But upon closer inspection, it became evident that none of that mattered to the mother. Her eyes _—_ even with bags underneath them _—_ revealed a warmth that no Christmas morning could exceed. They looked down on a beat pink baby with gooey brown hair. She held the infant with her arms, which remained strong even after the endless hours of labor.

Lynn Sr. smiled as she approached his bedside. All the while, the younger girls were awwing at the precious sight. Lori, even with her preoccupations, found herself grinning a little at the new addition.

The father turned to Rita and nodded his head. The mother, eager to smile despite her extreme exhaustion, opened her mouth.

"Girls," she said soothingly. Immediately, all the sisters _—_ even Lori _—_ gathered around the bed with open ears.

"Say hi to your brother Lincoln."


	10. Special Delivery

The family was there for the rest of the day. Lynn Sr. remained by his wife's side, marveling at his first son. After five girls, he had convinced himself that he would never have a kid to play catch with or build something in the garage. Of course, it was perfectly fine if those activities weren't up his son's alley, but it was still exciting to have another man around.

About once an hour, the doctor's had to take the baby away to administer immunizations and check his vitals. It was painful for the couple to be separated from their son; even though the procedures only last two minutes, each time they returned him felt like a gift from God.

Rita was exhilarated. Her mind was overflowing with thoughts, sentiments, and visions of what lies ahead. Lincoln was bound to be another interesting addition to the Loud family. He would grow, cultivate his own interests, embrace his own quirks, and paint his own special way of seeing this beautiful world. She wanted to jump out of this prison cell called a bed and proclaim this right out to him and everyone she knew, but her body cried the opposite. About twenty minutes after the others arrived, she handed the newborn to her husband and took a nap.

Lynn Sr. smiled as he cradled Lincoln. He was a quiet baby, sleeping under his father's watchful eye and unaware of the size and brightness of the room around him. Most of the time, one of his sisters was leaning against the chair's arm, trying to get a good look at him. Thankfully, they were quiet enough to keep little Lincoln in his blissful slumber.

At one point, Leni stumbled up to her mom, who was in the middle of her own nap.

"Mommy," she said, staring right into her drained, unresponsive face.

"Mommy is tired right now, honey," Lynn Sr. said with a gentle smile. He then took one of his free fingers and pointed down at the baby, "Why don't you take a look at your brother?"

Leni turned and approached the two. Her eyes fell onto the newborn and at first, it wasn't clear what expression she was trying to make. Lynn Sr. recalled from past experiences that it took Leni a little longer to learn her siblings' names than Lori or Luna. When the fifth daughter was born, it took Leni a week to learn her name, let alone realize her joy. And even now, Lynn that whatever Leni was trying to do, it most certainly wasn't talking. An opportunity had found itself.

"Say 'hi' to Lincoln," he said, reflecting his encouragement from his eyes.

As she stood there, she suddenly remembered something Mrs. Boxer had taught her _—_ a thing people do when they greet each other. First she imagined it happening, and then she raised her wrist and waved her hand towards the infant.

"Hi Linc...oln," she said. The continuous movement made her feel good. And it was through that another lesson from Mrs. Boxer popped in her head, "My name...is Leni and I am your big sister."

And then after that, she gave a nice smile, showing off her teeth. They were far from what one would see in the movies _—_ some of them were yellow and coated with plaque _—_ but it almost never seemed to matter. Lynn Sr. was enamored by his children's smiles, no matter how much _—_ or little _—_ they brushed their teeth.

Leni then reached her hand towards Lincoln and rested it on the blanket wrapping him.

"Be gentle. You wouldn't want to hurt him," Lynn Sr. requested through his hushed voice.

She was never regarded as the gold standard of coordination. Lori was used to seeing her little sister and roommate dropping things, holding objects in a way no one else does, having a posture that was either strange or unsettling. Even when she was walking, it wasn't uncommon for Leni to bounce or stumble from her uneven strides. But then when it came to limited and particular situations, she acquired an uncanny level of precision and purpose. Her hand caressed Lincoln's tummy just enough for it to make his body relax but light enough to keep him asleep. It didn't stop there, though. Her fingers were fused together to form a smooth, slightly curved shape. It was as if she knew that would guarantee the greatest amount of comfort to Lincoln.

Minutes went by of Leni rubbing her brother continuous, never daring to break his sleep. It was a scene like that that reaffirmed Lynn Sr.'s confidence in Lincoln being included among his siblings, even if none of them will be able to relate to the boy-specific matters that lied ahead.

Eventually, Luan made her way over to the chair to get another look at her little brother. Her big sister, however, was completely entrenched in the massage she was giving.

"Leni," Lynn Sr. said tenderly, "Why don't you give Luan a turn with Lincoln?"

She continued. Her small smile was frozen in place, the rhythm her hand made never faltered, her eyes didn't even flinch.

Lynn Sr. was disturbed by this. He turned to Luan, whose eyes clearly desired one-on-one time with Lincoln. He then turned back to his second-oldest daughter with her feet planted on the floor and lost in her own world.

"Leni. Your little sister really wants to see Lincoln right now. Why don't you let her...you know scoot in?" he asked tentatively. It wasn't that he lacked a backbone, but the air around him was stifling. Nearby were two people resting and he wouldn't dare wake them up. To yell would most surely disturb the peace.

But then Luan started tapping her foot and wrapping her fists around the chair's arm. Lynn Sr. felt the tension accumulate. Sweat threatened to break from his pores as he continued to get through to his second-oldest daughter, even if his pleas fell on deaf ears and blind eyes. At one point, he considered using one of his hands to pry her's away. That would surely get the message through, but then he hesitated. Leni may have been immersed in her own bubble, but doing something so drastic posed the risk of making her...react.

Lynn Sr. merely sat there, trying to think of a better way to give her other child a chance to spend time with her brother. So many dead-end thoughts flashed through his that nothing of substance could emerge.

"It's my turn, Leni!"

Luan's fist were shaking within their grips, adrenaline raced through her blood, and her limbs felt ready to lunge at her big sister. But even with that, such force wouldn't be necessary. Rita and Lincoln shot awake. Everyone stared at her. The bubble was burst.

Lincoln was the first to reply as he burst into tears. Lynn Sr. started cradling the baby and tried hushing him down. Leni and Luan both recoiled from the chair, the former propped up her Ducky arms. Any emotion either of the two girls experienced was blown away by Lincoln's wailing. The other kids, who were sitting on the other side of the room, had a mixture of reactions to the pandemonium.

"Nice going, you two," Lori sneered.

Moments afterward, the baby calmed down. Lynn Sr. cast him a smile, using one of his fingers to wipe away the tears. He then turned to Luan, whose face was mangled by shame.

"Luan, it's okay. You can be with Lincoln now," he said, having conquered the uncertainty that plagued him earlier. But instead, she stepped back and turned away from them. She lowered herself and huddled on the tile floor.

"What's wrong, honey?" he asked, getting up with Lincoln and kneeling down beside his fourth daughter.

"I'm sorry for wa...waking Linc..Lin...coln," Luan made out, fighting her loose lips and shortness of breath. Her father then noticed that her eyes were squeezed shut and her cheeks were reddening. He knew he needed to act quickly.

"Well look who's here to see you," he said, holding up his son. Luan opened her eyes and wiped them. She then turned to see the newborn just inches from her. Lincoln may not have been able to keep his eyes open, but she didn't care.

"He's so c-cute," she said, giggling. Rather than rubbing him, she peered over him, watching him drift back into sleep. That was enough to make her happy, which is more than Lynn Sr. could have hoped.

Leni stood by the window, keeping up her Ducky arms. She watched the scene unfold, her face lacking color or expression.

 _"Nice going, you."_

* * *

At seven o'clock, Lynn Sr. and the five girls went home for the night. It was hard having to say goodbye to Mom and Lincoln, but Lynn Sr. promised all of them that they would be heading back the next afternoon, Valentine's Day.

On that morning, he bundled up all the girls and took them out to Vanzilla. The three younger ones were confused and tired, forcing him to carry them out and buckle them in. Once in control, he pulled out of the driveway and turned on a kids CD to entertain Luna, Luan, and Lynn.

"Do we _have_ to go to school?" Lori protested, crossing her arms.

"Yes, honey," he warmly replied, "Mrs. Turner told me you and your class are having a special party for Valentine's Day. That sounds like it'll be a lot of fun."

The eldest daughter huffed. She knew she wasn't crazy about having a brother and it wasn't like she wanted to sit around, being bored for hours on end. But then her younger siblings _—_ the ones too young for school _—_ started smiling and laughing. They felt like daggers sinking into her skin. She envied the fact that they had nothing to worry about _—_ no school to bog them down. She then turned to Leni, who was staring out the window and twiddling her thumbs.

 _"At least I'm not alone."_ she thought to herself.

Vanzilla pulled up at Royal Woods Elementary. The tires came to a stunning halt, forcing everyone forward. Lynn Sr. was used to such quirks; they were just one part of what made the car special. Planting his foot on the brake and allowing the engine to continue its roar, he twisted himself back.

"Okay, you two. Have a nice day," Lynn Sr. said above the noise, "I love you."

Neither of them responded, though. Lori helped Leni unbuckle and get out of the car. Once outside Vanzilla, the daily routine had been restored _—_ Leni's big sister held her hand, walked her in, and dropped her off at Mrs. Egan's. On most days it was a silent affair, nothing more than an obligation.

"Good bye," Lori said as they stood in front of the closed classroom door, the last step of the procedure. She usually waited about ten seconds in the hope of getting a response out of Leni. It was always uncomfortable _—_ especially when she never got a reply or even a hand wave _—_ , but she perpetually imagined mom urging her to do it every day. It was a nagging voice that held onto her mind even when none of her parents were around.

Today, Leni didn't do anything. She looked at Lori as if she were an artifact at the museum, ambivalent to its various features. She remained there as Lori turned and walked away without any further acknowledgement. She stared at her older sibling as she slowly petered out of sight. Once she was gone, she turned the knob and entered the room.

The room looked different. Along the back wall was a line of decorated boxes. Leni made her way to it to see some of the finer details. Each of them was coated in glitter and stickers, had sloppily cut pieces of construction paper, and had a name on them. They each had a personality that could be detected from the choice of supplies; some of them were flooded with stickers while others had simple pencil and crayon drawings.

As she remembered the events at school from yesterday, she felt a minor sting. Her curiosity propelled her from one box to the next, only for the sensation to deepen. It started to hurt, even if her face barely moved. A noise echoed off her eardrum, but the burgeoning burn blocked it out. Her eyes darted at the remarkable touches her classmates put into their Valentine's mailboxes.

But then it halted. She froze as she stopped at one particular entry. Around its edges was a white border, which was unusually well-cut _—_ the wave-like humps were smooth enough to act as a road. Covering the background was the turquoise. Along the top, a white banner ran on top of the turquoise with Leni's name written in an aquamarine marker. At the bottom was a pink cut-out of a familiar face. Unlike the other boxes, it's clear that a careful hand was responsible for the figure; a black marker went the extra mile of including eyes and an open-mouth grin. Beside it was a small white box with the words "Yup yup yup" written in a pink marker. Leni stared at it. Her anxiety fizzled away.

"Good morning, Leni," Mrs. Egan said, smiling, as she walked up to her student. She quickly observed her behavior, "Do you like it?"

On cue, the girl's lips curled up, cheerfully closed her eyes, and she raised her Ducky arms.

"Yup yup yup!"

Mrs. Egan chuckled. Ever since Leni started imitating the character, she found it charming. Indeed, her gift had been a success. As she pondered how the rest of the day would play out, she decided to continue the conversation.

"How was your day yesterday? Did you meet someone special?"

"Yup yup yup!" she exclaimed before re-opening her lids, "I have a little brother now! His name is Lin...Lin..." her smile then dropped as she dug through her mind in search of that beloved name.

"Is his name Lincoln?" she asked.

"Yup yup yup!" she said as her memory re-activated.

Mrs. Egan smiled once again.

"I'm happy that you are happy. And I know that Mommy, Daddy, and your sisters are happy to meet your brother too. Maybe you should make a Valentine for Lincoln," she suggested.

Leni stood there. Her mind wasn't thinking too much about something that appeared so hypothetical. The idea of a Valentine still seemed beyond her reach. Regardless, she smiled at Mrs. Egan's warm radiance.

The other kids entered and put away their coats and backpacks. Some of the students were discussing their Valentine's on top of their usual banter. Leni, however, simply took her seat and waited for Mrs. Egan to start teaching.

"Happy Valentine's Day everyone," Mrs. Egan said. Just like that, the chatter settled down, "I hope you are all looking forward to give out your cards and goodies today. But before we do that, Leni,"

The teacher then turned to the student in question.

"Do you want to tell your friends the exciting news you have?"

All of those juvenile eyes immediately turned to Leni. Her throat tightened, a feeling that was unfamiliar to the young girl. She knew that talking was far from her strong suit and conflicted with her nature. She was tempted to keep up what she found comfortable, to sit there and let the matter either be forgotten or for someone else to act on her behalf. But then she made contact with Mrs. Egan. Something about her teacher's gaze _—_ the serenity that her gave off, the encouragement that emanated from her eyes _—_ made her vocal chords relax.

"I...have a baby brother now."

The kids nearby started congratulating her, telling her stories about their own brothers. Leni suddenly felt a burdensome weight in her chest. This didn't feel right. To her, it was scary and unsettling. Mrs. Egan, however, smiled at the scene.

"It sounds like you all are pretty happy," she said to the class.

"I have a little brother too! And...he likes Hot Wheels!" one boy exclaimed.

"Mine likes Pokemon!" another replied.

"Well I got mine into _Princess Pony_ ," one girl said slyly, "Leni should do the same with her's."

Most of the kids shivered and groaned upon hearing that dreaded title; even some of the girls found that schmaltz to be overkill. But even as this was going on, Leni merely sat there stone-faced, not really listening to what any of her classmates were saying. Her mind instead fixated on Lincoln. After one afternoon in that hospital room, she became excited at the prospect of seeing again to rub his adorable tummy.

After some more group conversation, Mrs. Egan extended her arms in some grand gesture to silence the masses.

"We will have time later to talk about our families. Now, let's put all of the Valentines we made into the mailboxes," she said, pointing to the long line of them hung from the wall.

A flood of kids rose from their seats and made their way to their backpacks. Leni stumbled her way to the crowd and, once again, waited for the clump to disperse. Once it did, she sorted through her bag until she pulled out a pink piece of construction paper. Looking down at her work was enough to make the young girl smile.

Holding it, she made her way to the mailboxes, where the rest of the class was. From the back, she read the names on all of them in the hopes of finding a particular one. With so many boxes lined up, one of them had to be correct. Sadly, though, none of them were.

"I see you've made a Valentine," Mrs. Egan said as she walked up to her, "Who is it for?"

After mustering the will to speak before the whole class, Leni felt drained. It was as if she had run several laps around the playground. Instead, she merely shrugged and handed the card over to the teacher.

It was a pink heart with the words "Happy Valitimes Day Linkun" written in purple marker. While there were no extra ingredients on it _—_ no glitter, no extra pieces of construction paper, no drawings _—_ the handwriting was extraordinarily neat, as Leni's work usually was. Mrs. Egan felt it had to be as good as a fourth grader. Not only that, but the edges were smooth; the heart shape was simply immaculate.

"Leni, this is wonderful," she said, smiling, "You should take this to the hospital and give it to Lincoln yourself. He will love it!"

Mrs. Egan then gently handed back the card.

"Why don't you look in your mailbox? Maybe someone gave you a Valentine."

Leni turned to the line of boxes, where the crowd was starting to disperse one kid at a time. Seeing this as an opportunity, she walked over to her box. Upon reaching it, though, she was unsure how to look inside. If it was stuck to the wall, the only way to see was to stick her hand in. Doing so, she fiddled it around the cardboard interior until her fingers felt a piece of paper. She pulled it out to reveal a white heart with beautiful calligraphy and drawings on it. One of which was of Ducky.

 _"You are amazing. You are special. Never let anyone bring you down. Always be yourself and there will be people that will love you._

 _Happy Valentine's Day!_

 _\- Mrs. Egan"_

Leni didn't know what to say. She wasn't expecting anyone to give her anything, given the fact that she never talked to anyone. But the drawing of ducky, the beautiful blend of colors, and those words were more than enough.

And it made her smile.


	11. Coming Out

As February melted in March, life in the Loud house began to accustom to the new normal. Rita was bound to the house, focusing most of her energy on the latest arrival. Each day would start at sevenwake up, feed Lincoln, help her husband get the girls ready, give them each a kiss as they left, cradle, take phone calls from the office, feed Lincoln, work with Lynn Sr. to care for the girls, feed Lincoln, spend time with the whole family, tuck him into his criband end at nine. Of course, there were also the errands. During all the kids' early months, there were more than a few times when she asked to help Lynn Sr. out, given how he was forced to act as both parents to the older ones. Her husband, however, gave a confident grin and insisted that _she_ was the one with the weight of the world of her shoulders. Sure she found it charmingand it wasn't like taking care of an infant was any easy featbut even the house and daily routine can get dull.

After being out of the hospital for two weeks, Rita was confronted by Lori. Her eldest daughter begged her to have a sleepover with Emily, something she had yearned for the past four months. It had been a while since someone else had visited the home, someone that was outside the gelling status quo. And besides, it was unfair to stretch Lori's patience for so long. Rita granted it.

The big night arrived soon enough, on the first Friday of March.

"This is gonna be great!" Lori exclaimed as she sorted through various boxes in her room. Leni lied on her bed, holding Bun Bun, "You have no idea how fun tonight is gonna be. Do you know why?"

Her little sister was barely paying attention, though. Leni mostly stared at her doll, focusing on the individual fibers that make up its fur. She was drawn to how its material felt warm and soft in her hands and made the design look adorable.

"Leni, look up!" Lori said. Just like that, her sister plopped Bun Bun on her tummy and sat up, "Is this how you're gonna be tonight when Emily comes over?"

She stared at Lori for a solid few seconds before shrugging.

"Well you can't! You are going to hang out with the two of us and I don't want you doing or saying anything weird. Got it?!"

No answer. To Lori, her sister's gaze irritated her incessently. After impatiently waiting several seconds on the false hope of getting some kind of response, she sighed.

"Now when Emily gets here, the first thing we're gonna do is watch the new episode of _Los Angels_ and I want you to be able to talk about it with her. So, here's what you have to know," Lori said. Disregarding her sister's blank expression, she continued, "So over this past season, Josh and Marcy are dating, which is a very bad thing. Josh is rude and bad. But last week, Josh messed up big time when he took another girl to the Spring Social and kissed her right in front of Marcy. Now, we'll see if Marcy will make the right decision and break up with him."

Before she could outline the rest of the itinerary, though, the doorbell rang.

"She's here!" Lori proclaimed, her smile widening, "Let's go."

She grabbed Leni's hand and ripped her from her bed; the motion was so fast, that she accidently dropped Bun-Bun. Lori rushed down the stairs, dragging Leni like a blanket. Upon reaching the bottom step, she lunged for the door knob and twisted it. Sure enough, waiting out there was Emily and her mom.

"Hi Emily! Hi Mrs. Burke," Lori said, locking her hands behind her back with a grin.

"Hi Lori and Leni," Emily replied as she cheerfully held her blanket and pillow. It was evident by her smile and upright posture that she had been just as patient for this evening as Lori has.

"It's nice to see you two," Mrs. Burke said, "I was wondering if I could speak to one of your parents."

Lori nodded.

"Of course," she said. She then turned away, directed towards to the living room, "Mom! Dad! Come over here!"

Lynn Sr. was the first to emerge. He confidently approached Mrs. Burke and shook her hand. Not long after, Rita came in carrying Lincoln.

"Aw! He's so cute! Congratulations, you two," Mrs. Burke said as she saw the mother come in.

"Can I see? Can I see?" Emily demanded as her eyes and smile widened. Seeing the girl's reaction was enough for the Loud parents to mirror her joy.

"Thank you," Rita said as she presented Lincoln for the two Burkes to see. Both of them took that opportunity; they aw'ed and cooed to new baby, who giggled at all the affection he was receiving. Lori, meanwhile, rolled her eyes.

"How does it feel having six kids running around?" Mrs. Burke asked playfully.

"Well it's a full-time job, but they're all our special bundles of joy."

"Things are never boring around here," Lynn Sr. added, as all the nuances of his daily routine came to mind.

As the four parents continued talking, the children got bored; even Emily lost interest as the subject shifted from baby Lincoln. The two friends agreed to go into the other room and settle down. Upon seeing the girls starting to walk away, Leni instinctively followed them.

"I'm so excited for the new episode!" Emily said, her face puckered with anticipation.

"Me too! Marcy is literally gonna dump him," Lori said. Her eyes then darted to her sister, who was standing nearby, "Am I right, Leni?"

The two friends turned to the younger girl as she opened her mouth.

"I thought...you wanted them to break up. Why would Marcy...like...dump trash all over him?" she said slowly.

Lori sighed as she regretted her word choice. Emily, however, chuckled and gave her a nice grin.

"Oh Leni, dump is just another way of saying break up. Come to think of it, I didn't know that you liked _Los Angels_. I'm glad that Lori has been getting you to watch it with her," she said. To boot, she even cast Lori a glance of acknowledgement. Leni didn't smile back, though. She looked confused.

"I have...haven't seen it...Lori only told me about it today because...she wants me to watch it with you..."

"Well you're gonna love it," Emily replied, " _Los Angels_ is my favorite show and you picked just the right moment to start. After tonight, it's gonna be _your_ favorite show too."

Emily faced Lori, who looked well-assured. Even with the addition of a third member, nothing felt abnormal to either of them. Or at least at the moment. It was then, however, that Emily's parents made their way over to them.

"We're heading out honey. Now listen to what Mr. and Mrs. Loud say. And don't be up too late," her dad said.

"And remember to have fun. It's a special night for you, kids," her mom added.

And with that, they both surrounded Emily and gave her hugs, kisses, and "I love you's". Emily's cheeks blushed a little, embarrassed that her parents were doing this in front of Lori. But soon enough, they broke away and gave their last goodbyes before exiting. At last, the true fun could begin.

Lori and Emily sat down at the couch together. As the former grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV, the latter saw Leni, who was standing and looking out the window.

"Hey Leni," Emily said. Surprisingly, it didn't take long for the girl to turn to her. With her audience's attention, she patted an open cushion on the couch with a smile, "why don't you sit down with us? We would really like it."

She froze for a moment. As much as she liked the offer, she felt a force that planted her feet to the carpet. There were several questions floating in her mind. Was the offer real? Was it really being directed at her? Why would Lori's friend want _her_ company? But after seeing Emily's lips curled upward in such a natural way, she found it a little easier to make her way to the open cushion.

The show was set to start in ten minutes. At the moment, it was playing a rerun of the previous _Los Angels_ episode, which Lori had described to her. On the screen, Leni saw two girls putting on expensive dresses, doing each other's hair, and talking about flip phones and email. Although much of the dialogue seemed like pointless banter to her, her eyes quickly became glued to the clothing. Both of them had flashy sequins that made the whole frame sparkle. One of the girls adorned a bold violet while the other was wearing a more subtle shade of blue. Leni became so wrapped up in the clothing design that she missed Lori's commentary.

The rest of the episode went by in a similar fashion. Sure there was talking and events happening, but all Leni was focused on was the colors of everyone's attire. She couldn't explain why this was _the_ point of interest, but it was and nothing else mattered.

When the big cliffhanger happened, Lori and Emily gasped, as if they had seen that climatic moment for the first time once again. Unfortunately for them, they were punished with a five minute commercial break before the new episode began.

"Oh my gosh! I'm gonna die!" Lori cried as she stared at the screen.

"I can't believe that Josh would do such a thing," Emily said bashfully. Lori jerked her head to her.

"I told you he was bad news!"

"He was so mean..."

"You didn't want to believe me!"

"To think...that he was cute...I don't know what to think anymore..." Emily said. Her mouth was agape and her eyes were wide enough to drive a convertible through. She then turned to Leni, who was a statue, "What do you think Leni? I know you've only seen a couple minutes of this, but what are your first thoughts?"

Leni shrugged.

"The dresses are pretty..." she said with her eyes still on the screen. She watched as the big logos and fast editing of the commercials zoomed by. All the while, she started thinking more and more about the colors she saw at the dance. She thought about how they came together, how they contrasted, how they made herself feel.

"Isn't Josh literally the worst?" Lori asked, looking over to her sister. Sadly, though, she didn't really get a response; Leni just kept staring at the screen, as if the episode were already on. She wanted to ask again, but then she realized what was happening. Leni was in her bubble again—her thick, plastic sanctuary.

Before the two fans knew it, the theme song began playing. Virtually all the sound in the room came from the TV, or at least from what Emily and Lori heard. Leni, meanwhile, slouched forward and used her arms to hold up her head.

The episode began with the same people wearing the same clothes as the last episode. They stood around and it looked like the girl in the light blue dress got a face that Mrs. Boxer said is anger. Leni gave herself a point for figuring that one out. But then that girl walked off and it was the next day. Now the same girl was wearing everyday clothes and there were a lot more colors on it. To Leni, the outfit may not have been as nice as the dress, but the colors wrapped her in anyway. It looked like she was sad, but Leni knew that she couldn't hug her; she tried that before with other people on the TV screen. As this scene went on, she heard the two friends sitting next to her chatting it up, but she didn't want to pay attention to it. It was colors first and faces second.

The episode was mostly routine. In every scene, everyone was wearing a different set of clothes and faces. There were times where she couldn't make out what a person was feeling because they weren't smiling or crying or shouting or imitating any face on Mrs. Boxer's cards. In those moments, she entirely fixated herself on the colors. One of the girls owned stuffed animals, however, and even with Lori's jeering, Leni found herself paying attention to those furry plushies when they appeared on screen.

The last ten minutes of the episode had the girl and the boy in a room for some reason. The girl had a light blue sweater on, the same shade as her dress from the dance. The guy was wearing a crimson T-shirt. There were only a few instances where Leni could detect the emotion one of them was feeling, but such an observation was made almost entirely on the facial features as opposed to other factors. Admittedly, she started getting bored after a while and leaned back as the rest of the scene played out. Eventually, the two of them hugged each other and kissed.

"No!"

Leni twisted her head to see Lori, whose face is most certainly angry. Emily's, though, was pretty hard to make out.

"Maybe they'll be a twist in the last minute," Emily said.

"It can't! It's over! All that waiting and they stay together!"

Leni turned back to the screen, where the two characters were still hugging as the end credits began rolling. Seeing this, she got up and waddled her way to her big sister with her arms extended.

"Now's not the time, Leni," Lori said bitterly.

"You need...a hug."

"No I don't."

But even with Lori's protests, Leni leaned into her and wrapped her arms around her torso. Lori, though, still frowned and her eyes shot daggers at that still frame of Marcy and Josh's embrace.

"Maybe next season, right?" Emily said, forcing up a smile.

"Whatever," Lori said, sighing. She then grabbed the remote and punched the off button.

"So what do you wanna do now?"

"Wanna head upstairs?"

Without verbal acknowledgement, the two friends rose and began walking towards the staircase. Leni, however, remained on the couch, looking around. As the two neared the stairs, Emily looked back and noticed this.

"Hey Leni. Do you wanna join us?" she asked warmly.

Sure enough, the little sister got up, albeit slowly. She walked, occasionally tumbling, as she approached the waiting Lori and Emily. Once they were all together, the trio headed up the wooden steps. As they got closer to the second floor, however, they could hear noises and giggles. Although each of the other sisters were alone in their rooms, they made quite the noise with all of their toys.

Upon reaching their room and closing the door, some of the excess sound had been cut off. Emily had only been in Lori and Leni's room one other time, which was over a year ago. Still, she was impressed by how comfy and feminine everything looked. The room had a noticeable amount of blue and pink on the walls and furniture, plastic dolls mixed in with stuffed animals, a representation of Bizney's assortment of 'teenage girl' things and cuddly things.

"Did you want to play Barbies?" Emily asked, observing Lori's on her bed.

"Sure," she replied.

The two plopped themselves on the ground. Lori crawled her way to the nearby closet and began pulling out various accessories. Before either of them knew it, their space was littered with pink plastic constructs and other things—the Barbie convertible, brushes, benches, dresses, costumes, purses, shoes.

Meanwhile, Leni picked up Bun-Bun and lied down on her bed. She closed her eyes and started snuggling with it. Feeling its squishy body made her feel fuzzy on the inside, even if it wasn't enough to make her smile on the outside. She took slow and deep breaths as she tried to immerse herself into her own special meditation with her doll.

"Hey Leni," Lori said, her voice having lifted itself from her earlier frustration. She leaned up and saw her sister looking at her, "Why don't you join us? Give Barbies a try."

Leni squeezed Bun-Bun as she got up and found a seat in between the two friends. Lori was holding her Barbie and Emily was using two of the extras.

"So Leni. Which one do you want?" Emily asked as she held out the two plastic dolls. They each looked identical—blue eyes, white smile, and bendable joints. After staring at them for a moment, she lowered her head and hugged Bun-Bun.

"You can't use that," Lori said, annoyed, "You have to use one of the Barbies."

But she didn't listen. She tightened her grip on her precious stuffed animal. For the second time that night, Lori realized that she was in the midst of a losing battle. Emily, though, maintained a smile.

"It's okay, Leni. You can use your bunny if you want," Emily said, placing a hand on her shoulder, "we can make a special game out of it. That way, we can all have fun together."

Leni lifted her head and nodded.

"Okay," Emily said, "how about the bunny is a cutie and the Barbies are trying to win his heart."

She looked back down at her stuffed doll and squeezed it. All she could feel was cotton throughout every portion of it. She looked back up, clearly confused.

"What's a...heart?" she asked.

"The Barbies are just trying to get the bunny to fall in love with one of the Barbies."

Once again, there was a long period of awkward silence. Lori was used to it and normally she would be more accepting of it, but it was a little more irritating knowing that her friend had to sit through it as well. Sometimes, she wondered why her sister couldn't just pick up on stuff.

"Barbies don't feel love," Leni said.

"But for now, we're just pretending. Of course, Barbie can't feel love because it's just a doll. But if we act like they do. It makes playing with them a lot of fun."

Leni stared at Emily with her lips clumsily loose and her eyes unfocused. Although it took her several more seconds to process, she eventually reached a conclusion and nodded her head.

"I think I get it now..." she said. She then held up her doll as if she were presenting it to a large audience, "I talk to Bun-Bun a lot and we have...fun and friends from...doing that..."

Lori felt the need to restrain herself from rolling her eyes, but couldn't help but be relieved by Emily's grin.

"Well I think that's great. Bun-Bun is about to meet some new friends."

"Okay..."

The three of them got a good grip on their toys and started playing.

"Hi there," Lori said, setting up her Barbie next to Bun-Bun, "What's your name, mister?"

"Bun-Bun. And what's your name Lori?" Leni asked with conviction.

"No, Leni. Don't call me Lori during this. I'm supposed to be someone else right now," she said. She saw how her sister's eyes were starting to show signs of light, which made her grin a little.

"Okay. And, like, what's your name?"

"Barbie. Thanks for asking," Lori replied. Similar to Leni, she too started to get more into the act, "Wanna take a ride in my car?"

"You bet!"

Lori slid her doll into the tiny pink convertible. Since Bun-Bun was too big to fit, Leni plopped her behind the toy. As she dragged the car, the hand holding Bun-Bun moved along with it.

"You are adorable you know. Has anyone ever told you that?" Lori asked.

"Yes. I've been told by...um...like," Leni paused to think of a good pseudonym, "...Ducky that I'm super cute and fluffy and huggy!"

Eventually, Lori stopped the car next to Emily's Barbie and pulled her's out.

"This is my friend Barbie," Lori said, "Barbie, this is Bun-Bun."

"It's nice to meet you," Emily said. She then looked up and saw Leni truly smile for the first time in a while. There was something heartwarming when she did it that made Emily's lips curl up as well. Emily wished that Leni was more expressive; to her, it was really sweet.

"Thanks," Leni cheered, "You know, Barbie, your friend said that I was really cute. Is that true?"

"Yes. I could hug you so much right now!"

"And I could hug you too, but I am too big and I might squish you."

"Don't worry about that," Emily said, looking up at Leni, "I can take hugs from anyone."

Lori looked onto this, though, and came up with a new idea. She moved her doll closer to the two.

"What about me, huh," Lori said, putting on a faux jealously, "I thought you wanted to hug me!"

"Uh...yes..." Leni said, hesitating. Her voice tightened and her smile faltered a little, "Of course...I...like...love you both. And I'm gonna hug you both!"

Leni then lifted Bun-Bun and planted it over both of the Barbie dolls, whom Lori and Emily pressed side by side, and shook it around for a few seconds. To add to it, Leni included a little buzzing sound. After that, she pulled it away.

"Thanks Bun-Bun," Lori said, "I really liked that! You are a great hugger!"

"I agree," Emily said.

By now, Leni's grin was as wide as it was when she first saw baby Lincoln several weeks earlier. Lori felt it was quite a sight to behold, even if she herself sometimes found happiness to be sappy.

"Kids, it's dinner time!" Lynn Sr. announced from downstairs.

Even with this declaration, none of the girls moved at first; it was if they were all waiting for one of them to act and take the lead.

"Leni. You can go down first. Emily and I will be down in a minute," Lori said gently, carrying a reassuring grin.

"Yup yup yup!" Leni chirped, lifting up her Ducky arms. As she carried that smile, the youngest of the trio got up and left the room. Lori waited a few seconds for her sister to leave earshot.

"Hey Emily. I'll probably be saying this a few times during the night, but," Lori said, "thanks for letting Leni hang out with us. I think it's really helping her come out of her shell."

Emily smiled upon hearing this.

"You're welcome," she said, standing up, "I think it's cute that you're looking out for her like that. You're a great big sister."

Lori blushed. It was a little embarrassing; she wasn't one to cave in to schmaltz, but she couldn't help it.

"You know," she said, giggling, "it always helps to be more accepting of others. Especially to Josh."

Even with her cheeks red from happiness and her voice on the verge of laughter, Lori found it in her to shout out in the most comical way

"Hey!"


	12. Joke Book

The months went by, the air continued to warm up, and Lincoln grew as almost any other boy did. He gained weight and his motor skills were improving, but his dirt brown hair began changing when he was about a month old. Piece by piece, Lincoln's scalp began paling in color to a rather unusual degree. By August of his birth year, much of his hair was close to gray with only tints of brown remaining; there were some patches, though, that had already become as white as the snow that lied on the ground when he was born. The parents took their precious Lincoln to a doctor to see if it indicated an ailment. Extensive examinations failed to produce an explanation for the hair color, but they found that the baby was healthy. Relieved, normal life in the Loud house continued.

As his arms and legs became strong enough to crawl, Rita slowly integrated him into his sisters' play time, much to their delight. Each day, she would allow Lincoln's siblings to interact with him under her watchful eye.

All of them sat in the living room. Rita held Lincoln as she and most of the others surrounded them, giggling. Lori had her Barbie, Leni had Bun-Bun, Luna had a farm animal wheel, Lynn had a rattle, and Luan was reading from a joke book she had recently got at her fourth birthday party. Lynn Sr. had bought it, unsure how his fourth daughter would react to it. Luckily, it seemed the gamble was paying off.

"Okay, okay," Luan said between gasps for air, "How about this one? What do you call somebody with no body and just a nose?"

Her effort to leave room for silence was squandered by her inability to contain her laughter. Regardless, her mother, three older sisters, and two younger siblings were eager to hear the precious punchline.

"Nobody knows!"

Immediately, Rita, Lori, Luna, Luan, and Lynn burst out chuckling. The fellow comedian felt herself smiling at the warm reception she had received ever since she started reading from that precious tome.

Seeing another opportunity, she knelt up to Lincoln, sitting upright on his mother's lap. Using her nimble fingers, she picked at his face before swiping her hand back. With a grin, she presented two of her digits pinched before her brother. That unified form proved simple enough to attract his young, awe-struck eyes.

"I got your nose, Lincoln!"

Luan then contorted her hands and pointed straight at her brother's attentive face. She inched her extended finger towards the tip of nose until it was squished up against it. Upon making contact, she opened her excited mouth.

"Boop!"

And just like that, the five off them roared out in guffaws once more. This time, though, little Lincoln smiled and began laughing himself. The sound of his cheery, high-pitched guffaws made Luan feel jittery _—_ a special type of warmth she had never felt before. Was this what it meant to be a big sister? Does it always feel this good to make a baby happy? The four-year-old didn't give any thought to these questions; she was far too fuzzy to be critical of this moment.

"Tell another one, Luan," Luna said, her voice filled with anticipation.

"Funny!...funny!" Lynn cheered with her eyes clenched and smile too wide to control.

Turning towards the rest of her siblings, Luan rushed to her book and her eyes scanned for another great punchline. Internally, she cursed the fact that each page had an abundance of knockouts; they were all so good that she found immense difficulty picking one to do first. To help this problem, she resorted to spitting out the first one she saw.

"What do you call a fake noodle?"

Silence.

"An impasta!"

Once again, the majority began giggling at the pun's utter silliness. Even Lincoln, who couldn't understand the jokes, succumbed to his mother and older sisters' laughter. Seeing those people happy made Luan fuzzy on the inside.

Meanwhile, Leni sat there with Bun-Bun resting on her lap. Although the others around her were chuckling, her face failed to break from its default blankness. She stared wide-eyed at each of her siblings' reactions, struggling to understand its meaning.

 _"What did Mrs. Boxer say this was?"_

She knew that some expressions, feelings, and vibes were powerful enough to affect her own face. But something about these contortions, throat hacking, and choppy breathing made it too complicated for her to replicate, especially in the absence of the subliminal urge.

"What did the policeman say to his belly button?...You're under a vest!"

"What would bears be without bees?...Ears!"

"What did the wall say to the ceiling?...I'll meet you at the corner!"

"Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?...Because then it would be a foot!"

Every punchline got at least one person to laugh. Rita and Lori guffawed at all of them. Lynn and Luna didn't quite understand all the words or concepts, but they chuckled anyway. Leni, though, was stoic. Never once did she even smile. And with each successive joke, Luan found herself staring more and more at her second big sister. By the nose-foot joke, the little comedian looked up from the book following its delivery.

"Leni, don't you get it?" she asked, somewhat nervously.

"Get...what?" she replied. At this point, Leni's eyes were focused on her sister's like laser beams.

"My jokes. Do you find them funny?"

Luan felt her joy slipping into uncertainty, as if Leni's opinion was powerful enough to trump the consensus of her other family members. To her, the approval of all three of her big sisters meant an awful lot.

"No."

That one word stung at her. All she wanted to do was make others happy. And right there, it appeared as if her older and wiser sister had rejected her efforts, as if it wasn't enough.

"I think it's really funny, Luan," Rita said, casting her soft gaze onto her daughter.

"You're great! You should do it more!" Luna added.

Hearing Luna's compliment helped a little, just enough for her to open the book to a new page. The printed words, though, were a little harder to look at, now having the assumption that they weren't good enough for a particular someone.

"Uh...maybe this one will make you laugh, Leni," she said as her eyes darted to different lines on the page. Upon finding one, though, she found herself able to laugh off some of her anxiety, "Okay...What do you call a cow with no arms or legs?"

Luan looked up and stared at her big sister. Her face was unchanged _—_ her eyes remained focused, her lips were unfazed, her body was unnervingly still. Regardless, Luan pressed on.

"Ground beef," she forcefully exclaimed.

She checked on her sister once more. Despite hearing laughter from the others, Leni was frozen. And that alone was enough to deflate the short-lived flair of hope of impressing the six-year-old.

"Leni," Luan said softly. The others were stunned by the sudden contrast from their sister's voice, "What about that? Did you like that?"

"Um...uh..."

 _"Ground beef,"_ Leni thought, _"Why does the cow have no legs? There are cows like that? But how do they make milk or eat grass if they have no legs? And what's ground beef? Is that beef that's in the ground? Is that in the backyard? But if that's a cow with no legs, then why doesn't it make the sound? The 'moo' sound."_

In the suffocating silence, Luan felt her form shrinking and Lori started tapping her foot.

"Leni," Lori finally said, "Did you like Luan's joke?"

For several more aggravating seconds, there was nothing. To Lori, it felt like her sister hadn't even heard her _—_ too lost in her thousand yard stare. She was about to ask again when she saw Leni take in a large breath of it.

"No."

The other three sisters began protesting at this disagreement, chipping away at Leni's look of indifference bit by bit. Luan, though, had no interest in what the defense was. Her head sunk and she sighed. Her eyes stung and she feared that she would start crying in front of Leni, adding onto what she believed was humiliation.

"Are you okay, honey?"

Luan looked up and saw her mom with a warm smile on her face. Holding the baby with one hand, she used the other to pat an open cushion on the couch, "Wanna sit with me and Lincoln?"

As Luan nodded and joined her mother, the criticisms continued.

"How could you say that to Luan? It made her sad," Lori said, her brows furrowed.

"Funny!" Lynn cried.

Leni wasn't listening though. Her big sister's words had drawn her to Luan and Mrs. Boxer's voice began playing in her head. Not long after came the flash cards and the activities.

Without changing her facial expression, she got up and walked over to the couch, stopping right in front of Luan.

"Leni. Is there something you wanted to say to your little sister?"

After a moment of awkward stillness, she leaned into her sister and hugged Luan, although her sitting posture made the embrace somewhat crooked.

"I'm sorry Luan," she said solemnly.

Luan squeezed her eyes shut and took some deep breaths. The hug's warmth soothed some of the tightening pangs in her chest and head and stopped the tears that threatened to break free from her eyes.

"That's okay," was all she said before planting her face into her mother's leg. As Leni moved away from her, she felt a much smaller set of arms touch her back. Feeling those fresh palms made her smile and chuckle a little.

"Leni," Rita said, her face having relaxed, "did you not find it funny because you didn't understand the jokes?"

"I don't know..."

"Let's take the fake noodle joke. Did you know that noodle is a kind of pasta?"

Leni's mind slowly went through the words she knew. It took a solid fifteen seconds for her to shake her head.

"Well that's what it is. And do you know what an imposter is?"

Another fifteen seconds elapsed as the young girl scanned her vocabulary in search of the word. Sadly, the investigation ended with nothing.

"An imposter is a fake person. And the 'poster' part of the word sounds a lot like 'pasta'," Rita said calmly, "And since a noodle is a type of pasta, a fake noodle is an impasta."

Leni's mouth dropped open and her eyes fell to the carpet. Lori groaned as she saw her sister assume this position. Her annoyance grew when Leni's posture began to slouch a little. And the silence wasn't helping matters either.

"Wouldn't...a fake noodle be...pasta? Why are you making up words?"

"Because that's the joke. Of course impasta is not a word, but because it sounds like imposter, that's what makes it funny. And when something is funny, we laugh."

Rita then gave a hearty chuckle to demonstrate. And then, Leni replicated it. The hacked huffs sliced the air and Lori's ears. But Rita smiled.

"There you go. And that's how jokes work," the mother said.

Grateful for the advice, Leni hugged her mom, squishing baby Lincoln in the embrace. She then turned to her little sister and hugged her again.

"Those jokes are...funny," Leni said. She then forced out some more chuckles. Lori, though, groaned.


	13. Golden Rule

Snap.

Rita gleefully pressed down on the camera's button, instantly capturing her three girls. Lori propped up a decent, if insincere, smile that she knew would please her mother. Leni contorted her lips into a shape that placed her teeth on display; it was far from natural, but Rita took it as a step in the right direction. And Luna eagerly grinned and her eyes gave off a flash of their one, far brighter than what the camera could produce.

"Can we go now?" Lori asked, the smile immediately dropping.

"Let's make sure we're all ready to go," Rita replied as she finished packing the bags and lunch boxes. Upon doing this, she distributed them to their proper owner. Shortly after, the four heard footsteps from the stairs. As they continued to secure their belongings, the sounds grew louder.

"Good morning everyone," a male voice said.

Luan and Lynn Sr. rushed into the kitchen and began raiding the fridge. Lynn Sr. emerged from behind him, carrying Lincoln in his arms and a grin on his face, "How's my big girls doing?"

"I'm going to school with Lori and Leni! I'm a big girl now!" Luna cried as she darted up to her father. To him, her daughter's smile was priceless. He handed Lincoln to his wife, who warmly embraced the infant. He then grabbed his third daughter by her armpits and gave her a kiss.

"Yes you are, but you'll always be my baby," Lynn Sr. said warmly, holding Luna high enough for their eyes to meet.

"Dad!" Luna exclaimed. She attempted to pout, but her lips slipped open and let out some loose chuckles.

Leni then started laughing, trying her best to mimic her sister's timbre and rhythm. Over the past few weeks, she had been trying out this mannerism and she felt she was starting to get better at it, much to her delight. Leni was ready to go to Mrs. Boxer and show off her chuckles and see how happy it would make her. Lori, however, sighed upon hearing her.

Lynn Sr. lowered Luna and allowed her to grab her things.

"Alright you three, I hope you all have an awesome first day of school!" he said, gazing at his two older daughters, who were further away, "I love you!"

As they finished grabbing their things, each of the three girls went up to their father as he gave them a kiss. Soon enough, they exited the house and boarded Vanzilla. Luna got in first, sat by the window, and strapped herself in. Then, Leni climbed over the cushions and crawled her way to the middle. Finally, Lori took the remaining seat and buckled up. The oldest girl then turned to Leni, sighed, and helped her sister secure her seat belt. Once Rita got herself ready, they were off.

During the ride, Leni found her eyes wondering around Vanzilla's interior. She thought about all the fun she had with Mrs. Egan, about how beautiful she was, and about how nice she was to her. It was sad when she had to say goodbye to her teacher on the last day of school, though; in fact, it seemed to her that many of the other kids had the face on the 'sad' card right before summer vacation began. But over that two month break, her mom had told her about how she would be having Mrs. Rowzanski for first grade.

 _"You'll get to do so many cool things with her. I know it will make you happy_ , _"_ she recalled.

Rita even got Lori to talk about the things she heard about Mrs. Rowzanski from the kids she knew that had her, to assure her that she was as nice and helpful as Mrs. Egan. By this point, Leni was ready to meet this 'mysterious' figure and begin the first grade.

"Leni," Rita said as she drove, "do you want to tell Luna about all the fun you had in kindergarten? Luna is gonna be with Mrs. Egan and I think she would love to hear what you have to say."

Leni gazed at her little sister, who in turn was looking at her. Memories of Mrs. Egan's class flooded her mind, yet she wasn't quick to run her mouth. For ten seconds, the two girls stared at each other, hearing nothing but Vanzilla grazing the pavement.

"Mrs. Egan is good...and pretty," Leni said. A pause, "She has a cute doggy named Blacky...I miss him...tell him about me and be nice to him...he likes to be hugged."

With the onset of another silent period, Luna internalized her sister's comments. Her smile, while present, had tight and tucked corners, as if she was trying to stop it from growing.

"That's really cool, Leni. I will say hi to him. And how do I make friends? I'm scared I won't fit in," Luna said.

"You will fit in...the room is big enough to have tables...and toys...and books...and kids inside," she answered.

Luna was confused. It wasn't the first time Leni gave responses like that to questions she (or any of her sisters) had asked. But that didn't drain the well of curiosity that flourished in the young girl.

"Who should I play with?" Luna asked.

Leni stared at her sister for an even longer period. It was long enough for Lori to step in and urge her to answer., yet it did no good. Eventually, Luna's anticipation started to mutate into impatience. And that's when Leni finally spoke.

"Blacky, Mrs. Egan...and Mrs. Boxer, but she only comes twice a week."

Luna kept her grin, although she was surprised by these revelations. She imagined that she would have gotten advice on types of kids her age, future friends that she would get to know as they climbed the educational ladder.

"Is there anything else I should know?" she asked.

"No..."

It was quiet for the rest of the car ride, which luckily was a short period. The three girls got out and Rita, following her usual first day routine, joined them. The mother had informed Lori the night before, so the gesture wasn't met with protest. Rita grabbed Leni's hand and the bunch entered those familiar doors for yet another year. Luna was the first to be dropped off; she beamed with joy as Rita gave her a kiss and allowed to enter Mrs. Egan's room. Next was Lori, who was embarrassed to be seen walking with her mom and little sister in the 'big kid' part of the school. Upon reaching Mr. Brown's room, she reluctantly accepted a hug before resigning herself to the classroom. After that, Rita led Leni all the way to Mrs. Rowzanski's room which, despite Lori's insistence on the contrary, was fairly close to the 'big kid' hallway.

The room was similar to Mrs. Egan's in some aspects. Like kindergarten, the room had a colorful rug, a bookshelf, and general art supplies (a feature that Leni noticed pretty quickly). But the big round tables were replaced with rectangular desks, no sleeping mats were in sight, and there wasn't a single stuffed animal to be found (which Leni was disappointed to observe).

"Good morning," a low, raspy voice said. A portly, middle-aged woman walked over and shook Rita's hand, "Nice to see you, Mrs. Loud," she said. Her dark eyes then veered down at the young girl and she smiled, "Hello. My name is Mrs. Rowzanski and welcome to the first grade. What's your name?"

A pause.

"Leni..."

The girl's shoulders stiffened and her head fell slightly. To her, this new face was nothing like Mrs. Egan's. Its eyelids were stained by powdery black mascara, its tan cheeks were blemished with a feverishly scarlet blush, and its chapped smile was marred by uneasy, mahogany lipstick.

"I was wondering if I could discuss some important matters before I take off," Rita said.

"Of course," she replied before looking back down, "Leni, why don't you find a seat a meet some of your new classmates."

The girl obliged and darted away from the adults, her posture still stifled. Indeed, a good chunk of the students had already arrived and taken their seats. It was a little difficult to find a desk that was at least two away from any one kid _—_ not helping matters was the fact that the configuration was that of a U-shape where all the desks were bunched together _—_ , so she settled for one in the back that was a whole unit away from a boy quietly sorting through his backpack. Leni dropped her own bag and slid into the cold, hard seat.

From there, she was able to hear her mom and Mrs. Rowzanski using words that were too big for her to know. She figured they were talking about her, though, since her name was uttered multiple times. She also picked out Mrs. Boxer's name, which was mentioned on several occasions. Aside from that, though, the minutes rolled by uneventfully. Some of the kids made small talk while others greeted for the first time.

 _"I thought Lori said that first grade was gonna be fun and stuff."_

After her mom left and several kids filed into the remaining empty seats, Mrs. Rowzanski began the first day of school rituals. One by one, her classmates stood up and introduced themselves, yet their words went in one ear and and quickly out the other. It wasn't that she didn't like them _—_ she often found other kids her age nice and respectable _—_ , she just found it hard to follow what they were saying. She tried, but they spoke much faster than she could follow; even though she didn't show it, she was quite frustrated at herself for not understanding.

"I'm Leni and I...like Ducky."

She sat back down and replayed her words even as others got up and their words glanced past her limited attention. Before she knew it, Mrs. Rowzanski started talking again in her distinct accent. Unlike Mrs. Egan (who liked to remain in the center when addressing the class), this teacher preferred walking around the room. Leni used the moments when Mrs. Rowzanski was on one end of the chalkboard to lean towards it while casting her face to the opposite end; the neighboring students were quick to notice the abrupt shifting.

"Leni, is everything alright?" the teacher asked and it was at that moment that Leni discovered the extent of her new status quo. Mrs. Rowzanksi began walking _toward_ her, taking advantage of the large space the U-shape of the desks created. As the middle-aged woman got closer, Leni shrunk in her seat, her eyes darted downward, and her mouth felt like it was about to eject bile and spit, "It's okay, you don't have to be scared of me. I'm a friend."

The nastiness clogging up her body persisted, even after hearing the teacher's soft voice. She refused to look up to see those nauseating colors and gag-inducing textures.

"Don't worry, Leni. I know the first day of school can be scary and there's a lot of new faces that you don't know, but that's all gonna change over time. These strangers will become friends and you'll feel better."

She then heard footsteps that faded slightly, encouraging her to look up to see the teacher's back turned. To her, things seemed to be better, for now.

Most of the morning was slow and unsettling for Leni. She was preoccupied with avoiding eye contact, something she usually did by force of habit. Today, however, required other means. Unlike when she was talking to other kids, she went out of her way to readjust her posture whenever Mrs. Rowzanski walked across the front and to stare at her desk whenever the teacher felt the urge to give the back some special attention. And while she didn't try to block out Mrs. Rowzanski's voice, the words failed to stick to her anyway. In a failed effort to make the time fly, she tried imagining scenes from _The Land Before Time_ , as if she were at home watching the movie on TV. It was a long start to the first day.

"Alright kids, it's snack time!"

Leni was stuck in her seat, but seeing the others get up to head for their lunch bags was enough to peel her off. She trudged both when getting it and returning to her desk. She took out her favorites _—_ animal crackers and sliced banana pieces _—_ and placed them on the desk's surfaced. She hunched her form and started eating the animal crackers, her eyes fixated on the thin sliver of the tiled floor her desk allowed. In this position, the crackers' decent taste and delightfully crunchy texture were somewhat salvaged.

"Hi Leni."

And just like that, she felt queasy again. She stopped chewing and allowed the mixture of cracker and saliva to sit on her tongue. She refused to even move a muscle as the teacher kept speaking.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. Are you starting to feel better about first grade?"

Nothing. By now, Mrs. Rowzanski started to notice how frozen the student had become from the moment she opened her mouth.

"Leni, would you mind looking me in the eye? I think doing that will make it easier for you to talk to me."

It was like talking to a wall. She refused to move and the uncomfortable pangs were only accumulating. Her mouth was now completely filled with the cracker-spit solution, forcing her to swallow it all. Now she felt worse.

"Leni, can you please look up. I want to-"

"Go away."

Mrs. Rowzanski was astonished. She wasn't expecting a young girl like Leni to speak with such force. Those two words were like hammer strikes.

"What did you say?," she replied, now with more assertiveness.

"I want you...to g-go a-away from me," Leni replied. This time, though, she turned herself around, away from her teacher.

"That is very rude. Other kids don't want to play with you if you are rude. Now look at me and say you are sorry."

She remained there, though. She groaned and refused to look at that face.

"I don't wanna. I can't eat when looking at you. Your lips are gross."

Mrs. Rowzanski was at a loss for words. All this time, Leni had been avoiding her because she thought she was ugly. She had dealt with unruly students before _—_ kids that yelled during class, ones that bullied others _—_ and it was one of the costs of doing her job, especially after so many years. She understood that they didn't know any better, that it was her job to show them the way, and that someday they would move on from their childish tendencies. But none of those things ever stopped the sting of hurtful words no matter how much she heard them. After all, they really did cause pain.

"Very well," Mrs. Rowzanski said with wide eyes and tight lips. She then went to her desk and picked up the black landline phone. She knew the numbers of every room of the school and it didn't take long for her to press the proper combination.

Meanwhile, Leni wasn't sure how to feel. She was relieved to have that sight out of her eyes, thus allowing her go back to eating her crackers. But her revived tranquility was troubled by a inner weight she couldn't explain. It just felt bad. Without changing her face, she continued consuming her snack.

A knock was heard at the door and Mrs. Rowzanski marched towards it. For some reason, Leni suddenly found her teacher's face less ugly (the colors and textures didn't disgust her or ruin her appetite). Sadly, that didn't make it any easier for the girl to watch her teacher move with such gloom. It didn't help that she couldn't see who was on the other side of the door; Mrs. Rowzanski only opened it a crack and slipped through. Even with that display out of the room, Leni still slouched in her seat.

After a minute, the door re-opened but it wasn't Mrs. Rowzanski entering. Leni immediately recognized her as Mrs. Boxer and she was walking right towards her desk. She knew today was a Wednesday, but she wasn't expecting to see this person again so soon in the year. Even if she couldn't tag the expression to a card, she got shivering vibes from Mrs. Boxer as she approached her; the teacher's comforting aura that usually accompanied her presence was missing.

"Leni, come with me."

Even her voice lacked that easygoing tone and gentle air stream. Leni got up and bashfully followed Mrs. Boxer out of the room. It was only in that exit that she finally noticed how quiet the class had become. There were several mutters and whispers, but it paled to the chatter that had erupted when snack time began.

Once they were out in the hallway, Mrs. Boxer shut the door, but that wasn't the first sound Leni heard. Behind Mrs. Boxer was Mrs. Rowzanski with both her hands over mouth, muffling her shaky breathing and emphatic sobs. Black streams flowed from her watery eyes, an image that penetrated Leni's mind.

"Leni," Mrs. Boxer said, "Mrs. Rowzanski told me that you said something very hurtful to her. Is that true?"

The young girl stared at her crying teacher. Her heart suddenly felt very heavy and each audible whimper was like a dagger, yet she didn't know how to answer Mrs. Boxer's question. She felt like her body was full of sand, but her brain was empty.

"Mrs. Rowzanski said that you told her that 'her lips are gross' and that you wanted her to 'go away'. Did you say those words to her?"

The fresh memory miraculously materialized in her mind. From her position, which her feet had already clamped her down to, she slowly nodded her head. It was just what Mrs. Boxer had thought.

"Leni," she said, looking down at the first grader, "that is a bad thing to say to someone. You can't say to other people that they are ugly or gross. Now, you have made Mrs. Rowzanski very sad and that is not okay."

The 'sad face' card flashed in front of her eyes and it matched the look that Mrs. Rowzanski had. Leni felt her own face deflate, her own eyes widen, and her own mouth to drop. The floor didn't feel so sticky anymore. She didn't even need to think. She walked over to Mrs. Rowzanski ang wrapped her arms around the woman. The teacher immediately felt the embrace and looked down through her teary eyes to see a girl outwardly emanating remorse.

"Now what do you say?" Mrs. Boxer said, somewhat softer.

"I'm sorry," Leni said. Unlike a lot of things that came out of her mouth, this sounded genuine. It was one of the uncommon times where her voice was an accurate representation of how she felt.

"Thank you, Leni. I forgive you," Mrs. Rowzanski said with through her tight throat. The teacher smiled and began wiping her eyes of the running mascara. After clearing away the residue, she nudged at Leni, signaling the student to give her some space, "I'll let you and Mrs. Boxer talk out here. Once you're done, you can come back in."

Leni glanced up at Mrs. Rowzanski and allowed her to go back in the room. Then, she turned to Mrs. Boxer, who appeared to be back to her normal self.

"What you said right there was nice. And how do you think saying sorry made Mrs. Rowzanski feel?"

It didn't take very long to figure that one out.

"Happy."

"That's right," Mrs. Boxer said, giving her student a smile, "Now I don't want you to be rude to anyone. How would you feel if someone told you that your dress looked bad or your hair was ugly?"

Leni stared down at the ground. This required some more thought. It was quite hard to imagine someone being that mean to her in real life.

"Sad," she eventually said.

"I could imagine. Leni, you have to think about how others feel when you say things to them," she said, kneeling down to the girl's level, "Here's one way to think about it. Whenever you feel like saying something to someone, think about how you would feel if someone else said that to you. We can call it the golden rule."

As Leni processed those words, she was surprised to note how they were sticking. It was as if they were pushing their way through all the noise, the daydreams, the wind that funneled through her ears. She then thought about Luan and her joke book.

 _"She must be sad."_

She darted her eyes to the tiles before looking back up at Mrs. Boxer. By now, Leni's mouth was somewhat agape.

"You are a nice kid, Leni. And I want to let you know that it's okay. You said Mrs. Rowzanski and she forgave you. But now that you know our golden rule, I want you to use it so that other kids will see you as the nice kid you are."

Mrs. Boxer then got up and opened the door.

"I hope you have a nice day and I will see you next week. Welcome back."

Seeing the open door, Leni re-entered the room and took her seat. Even with Mrs. Rowzanski nearby, she was able to eat her animal crackers. They tasted great.


	14. Open Up

Lori took up the couch's middle cushion and rested her eyes on the latest episode of _Los Angels_. She sighed as she watched Marcy and Josh walk on screen, hand-in-hand, with the goofiest smiles she had ever seen.

 _"And I thought Leni's were forced."_

Resigned, she turned her head to the left and saw said sister and Lincoln on the carpet, hugging each other. The parents felt comfortable leaving him with his sisters while they prepared dinner, given how he was almost a year old by now. And as Lori thought, Leni was the one giving her brother most of her attention. She watched as Leni brushed his hair, which was now as white as the snowflakes falling outside. Lori found it weird how a baby's hair can be that color, but both Lincoln and the second sister chuckled with every stroke she gave him.

Lori just exhaled and went back to her show, only to be met with more cheesy love. It had been well over a season since Marcy and Josh got together, but Lori felt as if _Los Angel_ had been going downhill since that moment. Sure there were some episodes she enjoyed as much as the early ones, however the mere presence of Josh now became enough to ruin otherwise decent stories for her. Not helping matters was the giggling happening outside of the show.

"Kids! It's dinner time!"

Using this cue as an opportunity, she grabbed the remote and flicked off the TV. She got up and saw her two younger siblings still playing with each other on the floor, as if they didn't even hear their mother.

"Leni, Lincoln. It's time to eat," Lori said. But Leni kept hugging her brother, treating him like he was the entire world. She was in a bubble again, annoying Lori, "Leni. You have to stop playing with Lincoln. Mom said it's dinner time."

Still, nothing. Lori felt like she was nothing more than the surrounding air. Ever since that boy came along, Leni had become absorbed with him, spending at least seventy-five percent of her free time with him. Lori recalled at least several instances where her other sisters tried to get Leni to share their brother, only to come up short. It wasn't that Leni told them 'no' or even gave them a scowl; she simply failed to notice they were even in the same room. And Lori had already concluded that more direct means were needed to get her younger siblings to dinner.

Lori strutted to the duo and she wrapped her hands around Lincoln's waist. She then pulled him in an effort to lift him, however she was soon met by a jerk in the opposite direction.

"No...I want Linky," Leni moaned. She then groaned as she attempted to envelop her own body around the infant.

"Leni. You have to give him to me," Lori said firmly, "Mom said it's time for all of us to eat."

"But Linky."

"Leni."

Their tug of war was defined by increasingly violent movements that proved to be too much for the baby involved. Lincoln started wailing from the pain and point-blank noise. Leni froze upon hearing this, allowing Lori to grab the crying infant.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Leni said, as though she were reciting those words.

Lynn Sr. entered the living room, his face washed by concern.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay," he said as he took his son from Lori, "Shh. It's okay, Lincoln," he then proceeded to cradle him in his protective arms, which successfully calmed the child within a short amount of time. Lori and Leni looked on at the scene, while the latter repeated 'I'm sorry' every few seconds. After consoling Lincoln, Lynn Sr. turned to his two oldest daughters.

"Do you two know what happened?"

"I was trying to get Leni and Lincoln to come to dinner," Lori said, allowing her irritation to slip into her voice, "but Leni wouldn't stop playing with Lincoln. And when I tried to grab him, he started crying."

Lynn Sr. had a feeling something like this would happen again. He understood how much his second daughter loved to express her love directly to Lincoln, but even he was getting concerned with the stubbornness that often accompanied it. And he regretted having to repeat his talk with her.

"Leni," he said walking over to her. His voice, though, was drowned out by the girl's mantra. She recited it over and over again. He appreciated that she recognized that she made some mistake, but she wasn't letting up. It wasn't until he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and called her name again that she finally stopped and stared him in the eyes.

"Leni. Do you remember what I told you about playing with Lincoln?"

Her gaze kept on his face.

"I don't...know."

Even though he hoped she had, he understood from looking at her that he couldn't blame her too much. Glancing down at Lincoln, Lynn Sr. affirmed that he was a pretty cute baby and he knew that Leni in particular liked cute things. He knew that she loved Lincoln, but he also knew that all her sisters did too.

"That's okay," he said softly while holding the baby, "I told you that you can play with Lincoln when you finish all your homework and you did that. But now, you need to eat and so does Lincoln. Once you two are done, though, you can play again."

She stood there for a minute, stiff as a pencil. Her face, however, displayed more subtle tinges (occasional twitches, wavers, and pulls) that wouldn't have been present a year earlier.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's okay, Leni. It's great that you love your little brother and I like that you want to play with him. But now you know that sometimes, we need to take a break," Lynn Sr. said with a smile. He then knelt and gave Leni a kiss on the forehead. As he did this, he felt a tiny jolt shake Leni's face. He backed up and saw her lips race upwards. And that in turn made him feel good.

The four of them headed to the dining room and took their seats. The parents and five daughters occupied all the spots and Rita set up a high chair next to her's. Each of the children had a completely different dish to accommodate their ages and preferences. Rita spoon fed baby food to little Lincoln, doing the whole airplane shtick. While she was starting to grow out of it, Lynn loved the tan mush and gobbled it down every time she had it; she wasn't gonna let the presence of a younger sibling change her tastebuds. Luan and Luna, prided themselves in their "big kid" food and all of it's fun adventures; tonight, their new thing to try was spaghetti. Leni took a fork and poked at her hot dogs, the same item she had for dinner for as long as she could remember. Finally, Lori remained indifferent at her boring mac and cheese, wishing that her parents got her pizza instead.

Given the number of children, the process of all of them finishing their food was slow and occasionally punctuated by chatter and horseplay (which was tampered by the parents). Lori spent much of the time staring at Lincoln, watching as her mom slowly fed him and spoke to him in her 'baby' voice. Lori supposed that she was getting used to having a little brother after all these months, but she still got irritated thinking about the type of boy he would grow up to be.

 _"Sure he's cute now, but soon he'll be all gross and stuff,"_ she thought. Yet, she couldn't understand why she kept turning back to him. Feelings were weird.

After dinner, Lori and Leni headed back into the living room to settle down. Rita came in carrying Lincoln and took a seat on the couch beside Lori. The eldest daughter turned to Lincoln and gazed on him, much how she was during dinner. But whereas the dinner table had multiple side events occurring, the couch had but one.

"Is there something you want, Lori?" Rita asked after noticing her daughter's focus.

 _"Dang it,"_ Lori exclaimed internally. She was in a trap now and no aversion was gonna get her out of it.

"I uh..." she said as she struggled to find a good lie. Unfortunately, she was too slow to get her own words out, so her mom helped her out.

"Did you want to play with Lincoln?"

Out of all the children, Lori had spent the least amount of time with the baby. Sure she sat with her other sisters as _they_ played with him and she made small gestures with him here or there, but Lori didn't recall sitting down to truly interact with him.

"I don't know. I'm too big to be playing with babies," Lori pouted, crossing her arms.

"Lori, you're never too big to spend time with your little brother. I'm sure Lincoln would really like to spend more time with you," Rita said. As she spoke, though, she came up with another one of her special ideas. She turned to the other side of the couch, "In fact, Leni could play along with you."

Lori sighed.

"Do I have to play with her?"

"Yes," Rita replied, somewhat offended, "why wouldn't you want to play with Leni?"

For a six year old (soon to be seven), Lori had developed a basic understanding of her mother. It was only after asking that fateful question that the realization resurfaced to her that it had been a bad one. Thankfully, it was just in time to stop herself from saying something else that would have upset her mother. So instead, she sighed.

"Fine."

It was that simple word that made Rita smile.

"I'm glad to hear that," she said before facing Leni, "Hey Leni. You can play with Lincoln now and Lori wants to join you two."

The girl replied with a tiny smirk, as if to create a tiny grin. That escalated, however, once her mother handed her the baby boy. Lincoln's cheerful giggles were enough to excite the second oldest sister. Leni got up, holding her brother, and settled down on the carpeted floor.

Unwilling to hear her mother remind her again, Lori got up and slid down to a spot near the two. She say there and watched Leni cradle Lincoln, channeling all of her mental energy towards the bundle of joy in her arms. Lori, though, only looked on from outside the bubble for several moments.

"Leni," Lori eventually said, although clearly unamused. Her patience found no support from the lack of an answer. She sighed, "Leni."

Surprisingly to Lori, her sister actually stopped what she was doing and turned to her.

"Yes, Lori," she said slowly. Lincoln, meanwhile, was hugging his sister.

What was even slower, though, was the response. Lori spent several painful seconds mustering the words she felt were appropriate for conveying her thoughts.

"Can I play with you two?" she asked begrudgingly.

Rita grinned at her eldest daughter's ability to at least ask. And now, with a brief pause preceding it, it became Leni's duty to react.

"Okay."

With that cue, Lori inched her way towards her siblings. She raised one of her hands used it to rub Lincoln's back, the only part of his body that was faced away from Leni's. His head perked up to see the source of the tender, if somewhat rigid, stroking. Upon seeing his oldest sister, his mouth clamped open with glee, exposing the teeth that were slowly emerging from his gums. He nudged and pushed against Leni's body as it contorted its posture towards Lori, however the former's hands were still positioned on him.

"Leni, honey. Let Lincoln move around. I think he wants to see Lori," Rita said, observing the scene.

Lori was surprised again when Leni's grip immediately loosened. Lincoln climbed down from his sister's body with a widening smile. His eyes were clearly set on his oldest sibling, the one he had seen around the house almost every day yet spent little time with.

 _"And to think he didn't like me,"_ Lori thought as the baby crawled his way towards her.

Lincoln surmounted his sisters legs and rested himself on her lap. She looked down to see this, yet was slow to react. It was weird feeling his large, warm, squishy body. Things didn't feel right in that moment. Having this was exactly what she wanted and exactly what she was uncomfortable with in the same package.

"You are scared...Lori."

Her head jerked to Leni. She didn't recall addressing her younger sister beforehand.

"I know you are scared...And when you are scared, I want to make you feel better," she said. Lori hadn't realized her face and body werr drawing out her emotions for even Leni to see. She was astonished.

"Linky isn't scary...he's cute and he's happy and he loves you...why don't you give him a hug? That's what I do to someone I love."

Even amidst the surprise of Leni taking the initiative to speak, Lori took the time to contemplate. Lori understood that her sister wasn't the most expressive one, but if there was any gesture she was fond of, it was that act of wrapping arms around other people and things. She found it unusual (an outlier), but she accepted it as fact. All the while, she merely sat there, awkwardly remaining in her emotionally confused state, just staring at Lincoln's jubilant face.

"Lori, why don't you give your brother a hug?" Rita asked as she saw the display persist, "He wants one from his big sister."

She glanced back at the baby. By now, her lap had acclimated to the jolt his warmth and weight brought. Lori supposed he was cute, even though his hair was an unexplainable mess.

 _"If it's gonna be the wrong color, it should at look nice,"_ Lori thought to herself, referring to the multiple ashen strands that stuck astray. She lifted one of her hands and began stroking his hair, trying to comb it into something 'presentable'. Lincoln, though, started giggling from this. The vibrations his head made from this threw off Lori's trajectory, making the task more difficult.

"Stop it," Lori said, her voice weaker than she would have liked, "You gotta stay still or you'll...never look handsome."

Rita covered her mouth to hide the chuckles escaping her. As it turned out, Lori's words and her attempts of being cold were being washed away by her lighter tone and noticeably widening smile.

"Girls should be able to look at you and say 'That's one handsome fellow' and then ask you to go to the big dance with them," she said, seemingly unaware of how much her joy was emerging, all in a cascade. Lincoln's laughter amplified as Lori continued to groom his hair, but it was quickly becoming apparent that such an effort was becoming useless.

"Okay, prince. Your hair is better," she said. She didn't even mind the fact that what little progress she had truly made was undone as Lincoln buried himself into her chest. And then she herself did the unthinkable. She hugged him back. Deep down, Lori did feel a tiny ember of anxiety still lingering, but she had embraced her excitment and saw her underlying love of her little brother shine through. In that moment, she forgot all about her hesitations, particularly her dislike of Josh on that show suffering from seasonal rot. Would Lincoln turn out like one of those gross meanies? Maybe, but Lori doubted it would be because of the family. She, at least in the heat of the hug, gravitated to the idea that she could be a loving role model that could set him on a certain path. But she didn't want to think too much about the nuances right there.

"You and Linky are happy," she heard Leni say, once again to her welcoming surprise.


	15. For Linky

Leni sat on her bed doodling. In recent weeks, she felt a liberation going on inside. When she sat down in her second grade class (where she went back to having the same teacher Lori had), each of the bodies grabbed her eyes. She wanted to spend all day staring at one, but it soon became difficult because there were so many other dazzling sights just nearby. Her heightened awareness rapidly morphed into something more.

Now, as the seven-year-old returned home with her three sisters in the mushy snow, she eagerly went up to her room and began drawing all the fine things she saw in Mr. Henry's class that day. Colorful shirts, pants, shoes, hairpins, bows, and bracelets. To her, the class was filled with wonders. She filled the paper with sloppy, yet generally accurate copies of the clothes and accessories. Thanks to the crayons, they were also in the proper colors.

After recreating all the ones she could remember, she put down her red crayon and lifted the paper to see her work. Although some of the figures were crud, she noticed how the more recent creations were neater than the earlier ones (bigger in size, straighter and cleaner lines, and a more thorough coloring in). Her work gave her a small smile. She maintained that grin as she grabbed some tape from her nightstand drawer and used it to hang it up on her wall. The wall closet to her bed had accumulated a gallery that took up most of the space. But even with that, she was still able to find a little space for her latest creation.

Once she stuck it on with the tape, she sat on her bed and stared at her cumulative work. She grabbed Bun-Bun, who was resting on the bed, and began brushing his fur. She heard a click along with a clutter of steps. Followed by a sigh.

"Leni. When are you gonna take these down?" Lori asked. Ever since her sister started hanging her drawings on the wall, she went out of her way to face the window when she slept at night.

Her sister, though, merely shrugged.

"They've got to come down some time you know! They don't look good!"

What was glaring to Lori was the fact that Leni had never hung up her art in such a public display before. Sure, she drew, but her creations usually went either in the trash or in some drawer to never be seen again. And now, without warning, Leni started making this collection. Not only did she keep her drawings, but she put them up for her sister to see.

"Whose clothes are those anyway?" Lori demanded for the tenth day in a row. Every time she asked, though, her sister didn't respond. As was the usual. Lori sighed, "If you like clothes so much, why don't you just ask Mom to get those magazines at the supermarket?"

Leni tilted her head. It was a relatively new expression she developed, but it didn't take her big sister to decipher its meaning.

"Fine. I'll ask her for you," she said, sighing, "But all these are coming down! You've been in second grade for months now. Start acting like it!"

She stood there firmly and glared at Leni. Sometimes, she didn't know why she got patient with her little sister; sure Leni's reaction times were improving, but they remained below what she wanted.

"Hmph," Lori said, "Well hurry up and get ready. Mom's taking us to the mall."

"Why?" Leni asked as she hugged Bun-Bun.

"Lincoln's birthday is next week and we gotta get stuff for his party."

The second girl gave her familiar groan-sounding murmur before getting up. She clung Bun-Bun to her chest as she followed her big sister downstairs. Lori was annoyed that her sister still carried that thing around. Sure there were plenty of second graders that had stuffed animals, but Leni cherished Bun-Bun. As if it were her friend.

Once everything was settled, Rita and the five girls packed themselves into Vanzilla, leaving Lynn Sr. to watch over the soon-to-be two-year-old boy.

With every addition the Loud family brought on, outings to public places have started to require more planning, more means of maintaining order. Even with the mounting demand, Rita always loved children and was determined to make this trip both efficient and bonding. After Lincoln was born, they decided to take a hiatus from the nearly seamless stream of pregnancies to focus on the kids they already had. Indeed, over these past two years, Rita had become well-acclimated to the six-child structure. This particular trip to the mall, while demanding, was something she had done plenty of times with the existing status quo, so it wasn't as chaotic as it was two years ago. But even at that, she hadn't told the kids yet about her plan to start a new pregnancy at the end of the month.

Upon arrival and getting the kids out of Vanzilla, they headed into Bullseye. Bullseye could be best described as a maze; the two-floor department store was by far the largest outlet in the Royal Woods Mall. With everything in inventory (including the kitchen sink, given the kitchen appliances section) stashed in countless aisles, it was almost to be the mall. It was also a nightmare for most parents with small children. Thankfully, years of experience has prepared Rita all the better with communication and deliberation in movement.

Rita led the kids to the clothes section and began her search for some toddler clothes. Little did most of the girls know how boring and long this turned out to be. Within minutes, Luna and Luan had their backs slouched and their feet yearning to sit down. Lynn was pacing around the carriage and the shirt racks, using her boundless energy with the hope of exchanging it for pleasure. Lori was leaning against a concrete pillar that filled the gap between the floor and the ceiling, eyes glazed with idle exhaustion. And Leni was walking along a separate shirt rack, examine each of them he articles that hung from it.

 _"As long as she stays in my sight, she'll be fine."_

Leni was fixated by each shirt she came across. She swung it out to get a closer look at those thin lines that encompassed their surface, she absorbed any designs that were on their fronts, she felt the texture each shirt had. A lot of the shirts in the toddler section were similar (similar colors, similar fabric, similar size). Each attribute she experience was a sensory splash. She was excited at the spectacle, even occasionally producing a smile from what she saw.

She felt a familiar thing grab her hand. She turned to see her older sister Lori, eyes clearly displaying annoyance.

"Let's go!" she moaned.

Before Leni could reply, her sister was already moving on, pulling her along. She looked forward and saw various clothes in Rita's red plastic carriage. Her eyes were captured to the rainbow of colors she saw in there. If only she could have been close enough to touch them.

The mother guided her children through the various sections within Bullseye _—_ electronics, appliances, hardware, food. Occasionally, one of them (usually either Leni or Lynn) tried veering off to look at something, whether it was a pretty dress or a giant flat screen television. The savvy Rita, though, reined them back before they could get lost in the giant store.

They eventually found themselves in the toys section. At that point, most of the girls tried breaking away to look whatever caught their eye. Even Lori felt the need for yet another Barbie doll. But alas, all five of the girls were relegated to the young boy's section. Rather than indulging in the endless supply of dolls and houses, they were surrounded by action figures, toys with batteries, and nerf guns. And for them, that was a punishment (or, at least, for most of them).

"Mommy! Can I get this?" Luna demanded, bringing back some plastic board filled with buttons. Behind her was Lynn, who herself had an Ace Savvy action figure.

"No kids. We're getting things for Lincoln," Rita replied, "now put those back."

The two girls groaned and begrudgingly obliged.

Meanwhile, Leni let herself wander up and down the aisle. Although none of the toys interested her, their bright colorful boxes captured her attention. One of them was a giant cube on the bottom shelf with the perfect mix of blue, purple, and red; the three shades formed a flash that left her paralyzed. Her hands jutted out and pulled out the package. She tried lifting it, but the sheer size of it left her with little leverage. That didn't stop her from dragging it. Loudly.

"Leni, honey. Put that back," Rita said as she looked on. Yet the girl kept pulling it across the floor, trying to get it to the carriage, "Leni," her mother repeated, however at this point, the other girls were catching on.

"Woah! What's that?!" Luna exclaimed as she dashed towards the box. She dropped to her knees and her young eyes spotted the tag lines, logo, toy, and features. The box's cover revealed a giant castle play set with multiple rooms inside and pulpits carving the sides. The most prominent feature, though, were the mini cannons shooting red arrow-shaped ammunition.

"Mommy!" Luna cried, turning the cover in her parent's direction, "Let's get this for Lincoln!"

All the females at this point were aware of the box. Lynn, unsurprisingly, ran to it and pressed her hands against the surface. She smiled widely as she admired the cool toy.

"Lincoln would love this!" Luna added, "Please can we get it? Please!"

A skeptical Rita approached the package to get a better look at it. She lifted it and examined both the cover and the small text on the back. Her face did not reflect Luna's or Lynn's excitement.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think this is safe for babies Lincoln's age," she said upon finishing. She then placed the box down and knelt to her children's level, "This toy has small parts that Lincoln shouldn't be around. Maybe when he's older."

"But Mom!" Luna moaned.

"I'm sorry. Now please put it back," Rita said as she stood back up. Luna sighed and prompted Leni to help her return it. Meanwhile, their mother looked around the various toys in the aisle. Even though many of them also had small parts, the ones that didn't jumped out at her, "How about this one?" she said as she pulled out a large rubber man. It looked like a Power Trooper, but the limbs appeared as if they were flexible, "Lincoln's gonna love this," she told herself as she plopped it in the carriage.

"Okay girls," Rita announced to the children, "Let's look around this aisle for toys to get Lincoln. Make sure you show it to me before you put it in the carriage," she then turned to Luna and Lynn, "and remember. If the box says the toy has small parts, don't get it."

Leni looked on as her sisters began walking alongside the shelves in search of a toy. Yet even with that, she merely stood there, taking in the colors of all the various packages.

"Leni, honey," she heard her mother say. She watched as her smiling parent approached her, "don't you want to find a toy for Lincoln? His birthday is coming up and I think he would really like a gift from you."

"Linky..." she said as she stared into Rita's caring eyes. She then pointed to the shirts and pants resting in the carriage. Rita followed her daughter's finger.

"Do you want to give him clothes?" Rita asked.

Leni nodded, rather decisively.

"Well how about this. We'll stay here until the others find a toy they want to give him," she then turned to her daughter, "you can get him one too if you like. And then after that, we'll go back to the clothes and you can get him some. How does that sound?"

After a moment's silence, the girl smiled.

"Yes. I love Linky and clothes," she said, clapping her hands and her eyes brightening a little.

"I'm glad to hear that," Rita replied, chuckling.

The next few minutes moved slowly, however. Leni stood beside the carriage as she looked around at the different boxes, interested more in the designs than their contents. The big challenge was finding toys that were simple and cohesive enough for a soon-to-be two-year-old to safely play with. Thankfully with Rita's guidance, even Luna and Lynn were able to settle on two cool-looking toys.

With that, as Rita promised, they then proceeded back to the clothes section.

"Really? This again?" Luan protested.

"Yeah!" Luna exclaimed.

"Don't worry kids," Rita said, "just give your big sister a little time to find something special," she then turned to Leni, who was walking alongside her and the carriage, and beamed at her, "Go ahead, honey, find something you think Lincoln's gonna like."

After staring at her mother for a little longer (as if she were looking for additional approval) she walked to the nearest rack and began sifting through each individual shirt. Each one was a different color, yet never failed to impress her.

"Just pick one for now, honey," Rita said, "we can come back on a different day if you want to get more."

Heeding those words, Leni pulled out the one she was currently looking at, even though it didn't necessarily impress her the most. She went over to Rita and held up an small orange shirt. Rita recognized it; it was already in her carriage. Yet Leni's eyes were glowing in a way they didn't very often. She understood that her second daughter had some work to do when it came to expressing her feelings, but she was never foolish enough to think that she didn't have any. Just like her other children, she had a beautiful mind, yet there was something extraordinary about Leni opening up. It made the mother smile.

"Very good, sweetie," she said, "Lincoln's gonna love this."

And that made Leni gasp.

"Yay! Linky! Linky!" she exclaimed. She smiled, this time with her mouth open. Her hands were clapping together, even if they didn't always align.

Rita felt like she could cry right there. There was something about the way her daughter's voice sounded (bubbly, high, genuine) when she got really excited that always caught her heart by surprise. An enjoyable one.

* * *

The morning of February 13 came as any other. Rita and Leni's sisters did a decent job at keeping the presents a secret. Whenever Leni was tempted to tell Lincoln about the special shirt she got him, one of them swooped in just in time and handed her paper and crayons, asking for a drawing made just for them. By now, Lori had a drawer full of orange shirt colorings.

Leni sat on her bed, holding Bun-Bun. Beside her was a box covered in wrapping paper. Using her fingers, she twiddled the doll around. Meanwhile, Lori looked on from her's.

"You know, I still don't get why you didn't get Lincoln a toy to play with," Lori said, eyeing her own package, "do you _really_ think he's gonna like some shirt that Mom already bought one of?"

Leni, though, grabbed her own present and hugged it, along with Bun-Bun.

"Linky looks cute in orange," she said.

"I don't know," Lori replied, rolling her eyes, "he seems like the type of kid that wants toy. Wouldn't you want toys for your birthday?"

The younger sister turned to her.

"It's not my birthday," she said.

"I know it's not. But if it _were_ your birthday," Lori said, sighing. Sometimes, she felt she should have been more aware of her wording around Leni, "Wouldn't you want stuffed animals or something instead of nothing but clothes?"

Even with that clarified response, Leni simply shrugged.

"I want Linky to look good," she said.

"He won't care if he looks good. He's a baby!" Lori retorted as she recalled a time where she would have said 'boy'. Funny how growing up worked.

Leni, though, simply focused her attention back on the objects she was holding. All she could think about was her precious baby brother opening his presents.

"Kids, come down! It's a special somebody's birthday!" Lynn Sr. shouted.

Lori got up and exited while Leni followed behind, carrying both Bun-Bun and her present. From the hallway, she saw her other sisters filing through with their own. Once they consolidated into a clump, all five of them descended the stairs to be greeted to both their parents and Lincoln settled on the couch.

"Happy Birthday Lincoln!" Luna exclaimed as she made her way over to her. As the other sisters uproared into their own messages. The chorus of girls produced quite the cheery sound, even if Leni was murmuring her compliments under the confusing chaos.

"What's this?" Rita told Lincoln in her 'baby' voice, grinning like a loon, "Your big sisters all got you presents for your second birthday."

One by one, each of them proceeded to hand over their gifts, starting with Luna. By age two, little Lincoln's fine motor skills were improving and he was largely able to rip the wrapping paper by himself, much to his parents' delight. With each toy he received, he smiled and happily squeed.

As this transpired, Leni observed each gift being opened from the back of the pack. She kept both her present and Bun-Bun close to her chest. Even as she imagined her brother enjoying his new shirt as much as the toys, she couldn't stop thinking of what Lori just told her. Sure clothes were still good and cute, but now that she thought about it, toys were also good, but they were also fun. She wondered if she should have picked a toy from the store. Would that have made a good present? Would that have been fun for him?

"Leni, honey. Do you wanna give Lincoln your present?" Rita asked.

Her legs automatically moved forward. Her eyes were having difficulty locking themselves onto anyone, preferring to veer off to the dining room table. Suddenly, she felt this weird feeling, as if she didn't want to see Lincoln. Her precious Linky. To her, it seemed that Lori was always right; she had made a mistake and now she wasn't gonna give her brother anywhere near as much as she should have. Why did she have to go against her mother, sisters, Lori, Lincoln. Even she understood that she couldn't go back to the store now. Nothing seemed to make sense.

Now, in front of the couch, she stood there, unmoving. Her parents could clearly tell that their daughter's mind was elsewhere.

"Leni," Lynn Sr. said gently, "do you want to give those to Lincoln?"

And then, in a single motion, slid her present and Bun-Bun onto Rita's lap and stumbled back to the clump. Lincoln reached for the wrapped package and ripped it open. He froze when he saw the orange shirt, unsure of what to make of it. Then again, he was expecting to get something he could play with. Rita, though, looked down and saw the stuffed bunny plopped down on top of the wrapped surface. She lifted it up.

"Leni, sweetie," Rita said confused. Sure enough, the girl turned to see her mother and her doll, "Did you want to keep Bun-Bun?"

"Linky can have him."

The mother's eyes widened. She thought that her ears had failed, even though sixty was still decades away for her. Did Leni even understand the question she was answering? Rita knew all too well how attached Leni had become to Bun-Bun. She remembering getting the doll at the baby shower shortly before she was born. For the past seven years and nine months, Leni had been almost everywhere with her friend; she snuggled with it at night, played with it at the house, and sometimes even talked to it. But she also knew that Leni could be impressionable, especially when she's around Lori.

"Are you sure, honey? I know that Bun-Bun means a lot to you," Rita said, her eyes and voice conveying concern. Leni, though, looked blank.

"Yes. Linky can have him."

The mother gave her daughter another look. She watched for a minute, to give her a chance to change her mind. Sometimes Leni did that; she would say or do something before suddenly rolling back. But a whole minute passed and it didn't happen. Leni merely watched Lincoln with expressionless eyes, nothing uncommon.

 _"Besides, she can share it if she really wanted to."_

"Well...okay," she said as she brought the doll into Lincoln's tiny hands. She then curled her lips into a smile and turned to her daughter, "That was very kind of you, Leni."

Lincoln held the doll in his hands. He quickly absorbed the large eyes, the soft fur, the cuddly proportions. He then cheered and embraced the stuffed bunny. The young boy felt warmth with the doll, one that was (admittedly) stronger than that of the rubber and plastic action figures. Leni heard her brother's cheery smile and mirrored his expression.

Meanwhile, the family basked at all of the gifts they got Lincoln, the clothes and the toys. All of them were elated by the joy they had given to their special little guy. And they were grateful that there were already so many people in the house to love, so many birthdays to celebrate.

"It looks like you have a lot of loving sisters," Rita said to the toddler as she gave him a kiss, "Happy Birthday!"


	16. The Attic

Rita sat at the dining room table, scribbling in a book with a pink cover. Years of experience had made her quite eloquent, sometimes even poetic. She could easily pull out at least a page (sometimes two) just from watching some of the stuff going on around her house, though with seven children and an "eccentric" husband, material was never in short supply. Some days, she even considered writing a novel that could be published.

This time, though, she found it hard to even keep the pen in her hand. She spent most of the morning at the hospital, going through the tests and check ups she was all too used to at this point. She wanted to be more excited, she really did, but the ultrasound didn't lie. It turned out that she was gonna be getting two for the price of one. Her head suddenly gained at least a few pounds. Her heart started racing. Her mind went running.

 _"Why are you so down like this? It was years ago, you should be over this by now!"_

She paused and closed her eyes, shutting out whatever noise was going on elsewhere. She inhaled through her nose, held it briefly, and released. She repeated this several times, hoping the images and voices would fade. Perhaps it was all just nerves, she reasoned. Everything was gonna be fine.

 _"Bye. I'll talk to you later,"_ she wrote before closing the book.

Sighing, she sauntered through the kitchen back into her bedroom. The first thing she saw was the garbage bag full of old baby clothes on her bed. Children sure grew up fast. As she slid the pink book back into the drawer, she gazed into the open bag. Much of the clothes had become somewhat faded due to their years of use. Maybe someday these shirts and pants would be used again. Maybe by some future daughter (or son), or maybe she'll pass them down to the grandchildren; given the size of this family, that prospect appeared likely.

She gave a small smile before tying the bag shut. Using her upper body, she lifted it over her shoulders and began moving. Lynn Sr. was in the living room, making it easy for her to slip by without him seeing her. She truly loved her husband; he was a generous man that was always willing to help her, especially while she was pregnant. But sometimes, she figured she could do chores by herself. After all, she was still an able person.

Upon reaching the upper hallway, she reached towards the handle attached to the ceiling. Sure enough, the flap opened and the wooden stairs folded down. As Rita prepared to ascend those steps, she heard a door creak open.

"Mommy."

Stunned, she turned to see Leni standing in the middle of hallway with a paper in her hand.

"Oh hi Leni," she said, setting down the bag on one of the steps. Her eyes then turned to the white paper her daughter was holding, "What's that you have there?"

The girl then held it up to present a drawing of a dress, however the paper completely blocked her face. It was long, flowing, and was splashed with rainbow colors. The border lines were remarkably neat, the coloring was bold, and the design was unlike anything Rita had ever seen at the mall.

"I wanted to show it to Linky and you and Daddy and Lori and all of my sisters," she said softly. Then, she lowered it enough to reveal a gentle smile of her own. To the mother, it seemed like her daughter's drawing wasn't the only skill that was improving.

"It looks wonderful, honey," Rita replied warmly.

But then, Leni's eyes veered from her mother to the black garbage bag. Her face suddenly took on a look of curiosity.

"What's in that thingy?" she asked, pointing to it with her free hand.

"These are some extra baby clothes. We don't need them right now and there's not exactly a lot of room elsewhere, so I was putting them up in the attic with the others."

The almost-nine-year-old's eyes wandered to the dim space above the ceiling. And then some exciting prospects popped up, ones that quickly overwhelmed her.

"Can I go up? I want to see all the clothes! Clothes! Clothes!" Leni exclaimed, running up to hug both the bag and her mother's leg. Rita, though, put on a look of confusion.

"You've never wanted to go into the attic," she said, briefly turning her head to the path above.

"But I didn't know there were clothes up there!" Leni replied, gripping the bag, "I wanna see them! Touch them! Put them on! Please!"

Rita looked back up the stairs, as if she could see its contents from her spot. She then then turned back to her daughter, who's dangerously wide smile said it all. What was wrong with some clothes? And how could she say no to that face. She exhaled.

"Okay," she said. As the young girl cheered, both of them ascended the steps. Over the years, the attic has been a place of ever-shrinking space. Boxes, bags, golf bags, tents, computers, television sets, and books had accumulated in the space. Every object had a film of dust of it, although some clearly had a thicker coat than others. Leni stood on the wooden floor and took in all the clutter, many of it she had never seen before.

"Oh Leni. There are a bunch of clothes over here," Rita said as she settled the newest bag on top of older ones that were covered in dust and wood chips. The fascinated young girl approached the mountain of black garbage bags with her wide eyes in awe. The blonde knelt down as her mother helped her untie the various knots. Once they were free, the contents emerged in the form of various clumps. Sure enough, the bags were filled with small shirts, dresses, pants, overalls, shorts, socks, and other forms of apparel. Her hands dug deep into the pile and began pulling out various articles. As she grabbed each one, she examined it closely. Her mouth dropped open as she came to admire each creation.

"Leni!"

As she continued her excavation, Lori emerged from the steps with a noticeable frown and furrowed brows.

"How many times have I told you to not _my_ colored pencils?! Do you have any idea how long it took me to find all of them?!"

"Lori. That's no way to talk to your little sister," Rita said firmly.

"But it happens all the time! I keep telling her to only use _her_ crayons and _her_ colored pencils. But then when I come into my room, my drawers are literally raided," Lori protested, crossing her arms.

Rita came to understand her daughter's frustration. Sure she would have appreciated if Lori had taken the initiative the issue to bring it to her attention, but better late than never, she concluded. With that, she turned to the other.

"Leni," she said carefully, "if you want more crayons or colored pencils, why don't you just ask me? That way you don't need to take Lori's."

The eldest daughter rolled her eyes at this display. Sometimes, she felt like Leni got off too easily. Meanwhile, the second daughter merely shrugged as she went back to her search.

"Honey," Rita repeated. This time, Leni turned around with a blank face to see her mother and older sister, "Do you want me to get you more colored pencils?"

A brief delay. And then, the girl silently nodded before turning back to the garbage bags.

"Rita! Your assistance is needed urgently!" Lynn Sr. shouted.

The wife understood that even though her husband was generally a good father, there were times where he was overwhelmed. Like when one of the sisters got into rough housing or if they get sick on the couch. Whatever it was, she had to accept that it couldn't wait. She then gave both her oldest daughters a long gaze before pressing her lips.

"I'll leave you up here," she said, "just be sure to look out for each other. And don't make a big mess."

"Rita!"

"Coming dearie," she fired back. She then jerked her head to the daughters, "I'll be right back," she said before rushing down the steps.

Lori sighed and leaned against some boxes.

"Really," she said, "you're up here to look at some dumb clothes that don't fit you."

The only response she got was the crunching sound the bag's plastic made as the articles shifted around its interior.

With that, the eldest daughter's eyes scanned around the dilapidated "museum". She figured that since Leni was gonna be a while, she might as well take a gander at what the attic had to offer.

Lori got up and wandered to various corners of the space, looking through boxes. It was hard to get close to anything without coughing, yet some of the sights she had to admit were a little interesting. She found some really old pictures of her parents when they were her age, along with various mementos from their childhoods. She found several trophies and medals from various sports, accompanied by pictures of a young, chipper boy with curly brown hair. To her it felt weird that she found this boy cute.

Aside from that, she came across the Halloween and Christmas decorations all stashed in one corner. To think that all this time, she thought they wereu hidden in the equally mysterious basement.

In yet another section was a huge library of books. A lot of them included classic novels, biographies, and atlases. As she scanned through the sheer volume of some of these tomes, she became skeptical that either of her parents had really read and finished them.

Nearby, there was another box full of books with colorful covers. Some of them chose to represent themselves with a puzzle piece, some of them used a rainbow ribbon, others with a picture of some random child using building blocks, and others yet opting for the good ol' stick figure approach with a child and parents. They were all on the same topic (along with similar titles) and her parents had taught her about it some time ago. She understood it all and was fairly accepting, but they warned her to never use it to insult Leni. Regardless, she found it interesting to discover these relics in this place.

"You know, Leni," she said as she continued digging, "You should check out some of this stuff I'm finding. It's pretty cool."

She didn't even wait for an answer before she moved onto the next box which, like the others, was cardboard. She opened it and found seven journals, each one a different color. Suddenly, Lori recalled some vague image that deleted quickly. And yet, these books seemed familiar. Like it was deja vu. Sifting through the box, she found two of them (one of them baby blue and the other turquoise) and went over to the sister.

"Hey Leni. Check this out," Lori said, extending out one of the books. This time, Leni turned away from her precious clothes to see a cover that matched her dress. Enamored, she grabbed the book and flipped the cover open clockwise as well as several blank pages.

 _"May 14, 2000_

 _She's here. At last, she's finally with me."_

Even with the sloppy (practically illegible handwriting), Leni recognized the date fairly accurately. And it was then that she realized she had opened the journal on the wrong side. She clumsily flipped it around and re-opened it counter-clockwise, immediately noticing the neater handwriting.

 _"August 27, 1999_

 _It's me. And well, I'm pregnant again._

 _Well before I get back into this, I should tell you where I've been these last four months._

 _Lori has been wonderful. Lynn and I have been using all the advice from those parenting books and so far, I'd say we're doing a pretty good job, even under these...circumstances. We've been sharing responsibilities, taking turns playing with her, hugging her, making food for her, changing her diapers, and putting her to bed. She's been so vibrant, happy, like any baby should._

 _And Leni,"_

Leni continued reading, not entirely sure what the author was talking about (a lot of the words were too big for her to comprehend). Not helping were the smudges spread out across the rest of the page. Before finishing it, she suddenly decided to flip around to different points of the story, as if that would help her find something she could wrap her head around.

Meanwhile, Lori did a similar thing. She knew enough about pregnancy to know that it lasted nine months. And from watching TV shows, she was even familiar with some of the other elements that came with the process. It was those parts she was mainly interested in.

 _"September 10, 1998_

 _Sorry, I'm a little jittery right now._

 _Today Dr. Kappy showed us our first ultrasound and it's twins! I know most mothers get scared to learn this, but I'm ecstatic. But you already know how much Lynn and I love children, so as he would say: "the more the merrier"!_

 _It's still gonna be another month or so before we know if they're gonna be boys or girls, but I don't care. All children are beautiful and I can't wait to become a proud mother of them!"_

Lori felt her eyebrows rise until they almost met her hairline. As far as she knew, she didn't have a twin brother or sister. Who on Earth was her mother talking about? Now ferociously curious, she flipped to subsequent pages in an effort to extract more information. As she skimmed through the various pages, she spotted phrases such as "both girls", "due in April", "excited", and "names".

 _"February 3, 1999_

 _Okay this time I mean it. We've finally settled on two names. For real!_

 _The first girl is gonna be named Lori. It's supposed to represent honor and victory, which I guess is a good sign for how she's gonna do great things and will fight for whatever she chooses to believe in. I can see her having a powerful fire burning in her eyes that will make her willing to achieve just that._

 _And the second will be named Leni. When Lynn and I first saw that one in the baby name book, we were surprised that it even existed; the only spellings we knew were 'Lenny' and 'Lennie' and they were both for boys. We originally disregarded it in favor of more traditional girl names like Lauren or Linda. But in the end, I went back to Leni because it's rare. I want her to truly feel unique, that she is one of a kind._

 _I feel flustered. Two months is so close but it's also an eternity!_

 _I'm sorry journal. I don't think you'll ever understand how excited I am to be a parent. Though of course, you don't have thoughts. You know what I mean."_

Lori flipped through some more pages, disappointed in the lack of answers. As she did this, she turned to her 'twin', who herself was making her way through the turquoise book. Seeing that second book only made her feel confused and even hungrier for answers. Finally, she arrived at a date that was of particular importance to her.

 _"April 23, 1999_

 _Its happening. They're coming."_

That was all that was on the page and the handwriting was noticeably thinner and messier than usual, though she figured at that point her mother must have been in labor. As she pondered the oddity of doing something so dull in a moment of immense pain and inconvenience, she flipped to the next page.

It was blank.

There were still several pages of the book left over, yet none of them had any writing on them.

She briefly huffed before backtracking. Surely there was an explanation somewhere in the interlude she flew over in her haste. But even that was moving too slowly.

"Hey Leni," she said impatiently, "Hand me that!"

The younger sister lifted her head and crawled over to hand over the turquoise book. But as this was happening, footsteps resonated along creaky wooden steps. Both the sisters jerked in the direction to see Rita emerging. Once their eyes met, the older woman froze.

Both the books were in clear sight. Rita's eyes were saucers, her throat was clamped. The distance between her and her daughters was a light year. Lori's and Leni's states were lethal. The silence couldn't have been more awkward.

"Mom!" Lori exclaimed as she raced to the parent with the blue book, "Me and Leni are twins?!"

"I am?" Leni asked, genuinely confused.

"We're nothing alike!" Lori continued, pointing to her sister, "She's been celebrating a different birthday, she's a grade under me! I'm literally four inches taller than her! Why didn't you tell us?!"

Leni stared down at the book she was holding. She understood little from reading it, but she was convinced it was about her. And given that her own birthday is in it, Lori's claims made less sense to her. As she tried puzzling this together, she looked back up at her mother.

Rita's pupils became dots. She brought her hand to mask her quivering lips. She felt naked, unprepared, not ready. Her knees locked into place. Mrs. Boxer only had one conclusion from these signs

"Mommy...are you okay?" she heard Leni say. The girl then internalized her teacher's directions and stood up. She walked up to her mother and wrapped her arms around her waist. Rita's head shot down to witness her second daughter embracing her. All that before her vision got blurry.

"Mom," Lori said, her voice now shaky, "what's going on?"

What followed were several shaky breaths and stifled sobs. Both of the girls were stunned by how quickly their own mother had fallen apart. What had they done? Did they catch her at the wrong time? Did something happen while she was downstairs? Following a sniffle, their mother took in an audible, yet steady inhale. Rita then looked up with a firm lip and directed her gaze boldly at both her daughters.

"Lori, Leni," she said. She then paused for another breath, "there's something the two of you should know."

Rita solemnly walked to another part of the attic and hauled out a very specific box. The two sisters looked on as she brought it over to them and took a seat on the floor. Using this cue, both of the girls joined their mother on the wooden, dusty surface. Rita, meanwhile, was breathing slowly with her eyes closed.

"Lori," she said, reopening them, "you do have a twin sister. But it's not the Leni sitting next to you."

Rita sifted through the box before pulling out a black plastic sheet. As this occurred, Lori took a wide gander at the sister who was also paying attention. Rita held it up to reveal a white outline of the sheet. It made out the shape of a uterus and two identical forms.

"This was the inside of my belly when I was pregnant with you, Lori," she said weakly, "see, this is you right there," she added, trying to put on a smile as she circled her finger around one of the forms. She then dragged it across the dusty film to the other, "And this...was Leni."

Leni was fixated on the diagram above. Dates jumbled about, bouncing from one corner of her brain to another, creating nasty knots in their wrath. Her mouth slowly opened.

"So that's me?" she asked softly.

The mother chuckled, but even Leni could tell it wasn't joyous. The sounds were broken, detached, the opposite of what the laughter card illustrated. She turned to her older sister, who appeared equally uneasy.

"No honey," she responded in an equally melancholy tone. It was as if her forced tone was trying in vain to make light of her mood, much to the concern of her daughters, "this is a different girl who's name is also Leni. She wa-is Lori's twin."

"Where is she now?" Lori asked.

Rita froze once more. Without looking at the box, she slid the ultrasound back into its place. Each of those four words felt like bullets. She knew they were coming, but it was impossible to make material from imagination alone. And she shouldn't have been foolish enough to assume that optimism could sugarcoat a situation like this, even with her attempts to do so.

"Well..." she started, as she fought back tears. She cursed herself for letting all those nights in bed slip away like that, all those accumulated hours of cool contemplation washed away in the tsunami of the present, "I wanted to wait until you were a little older, so you would understand. But..." she halted.

She saw both of her daughters with anxiety washed across their faces. Even Leni, who wasn't as used to outward expression as Lori, had tints of it spread across. It was the younger of the two that Rita was more worried about. Would she understand? How would their relationship change? And her progress. All those weeks with Mrs. Boxer (and others). Would she be able to move on? Would she stop? Those thoughts struck her with chills that made her shake.

 _"Well, here it goes."_

"Lori," she said, carefully thinking through her words, "you came out perfectly. The cries you made were wonderful and it was a very proud moment in my life as well as your father's," she said, pushing her lips up into a grin. Hopefully that was enough to get that portion across. But then, just as quickly as it was delivered, the whole mask dropped, "But Leni...she came out too, but..." she paused. Once again she closed her eyes. She took several moments to clear her mind.

"She had troubles after coming out. The doctors did everything they could to help her, but," she then looked up and faced both her daughters intently with watery eyes, "they couldn't save her."

The two girls were stunned. There was barely any evidence of such an event occurring. For as long as either of them could remember, there were just enough clothes and furniture to go around. Well...almost no traces. Lori suddenly produced a vague image from several years ago, when she was in the attic with her mom. Those books. She had seen her's before. Why didn't she press her more further back then? Unfortunately, Lori couldn't remember _that_ much.

Meanwhile, Leni was in a daze. At first, she found it confusing why her parents planned to have two kids with the same name. Wouldn't that get everyone all mixed up? She already had enough difficulty remembering names and other things. Why would they throw in another doozy to top it off? But this inquiry was quickly overwhelmed by a wave of sadness. She hated that disgusting emotion; it threw her into a funk, one that didn't go away as quickly as her body language suggested. But she couldn't help it. Much to Lori's outward annoyance, Leni had a knack for connecting with things very rapidly. Even if she didn't always show it, she felt fuzzy in her heart when she came across someone new (even if it was an inanimate object). However, as Lori once told her, things that soared high had a long fall ahead. Whatever that meant, she knew about Mrs. Boxer's cards. And, as the other two quickly noticed, she was clearly devastated.

Leni hugged her knees and whimpered.

"That's...so sad," she cried with her broken, muffled voice, "Doctors help people and make them better. Why couldn't they help my big sister?"

Rita made her way over to her crying daughter and hugged her, pushing back any sobbing of her own. She tucked her lips and started brushing Leni's pale blonde hair.

"They worked really hard," Rita said slowly, "they loved your sister as we did and they wanted to let her be able to grow up," she paused, "play with you, talk with you, be there for you," she then let out a sigh, "However sometimes, it doesn't work out."

Lori was astonished. She felt the force weighing down on her. To think that she was a twin this whole time. To think that within her own family, tragedy has struck. To think that in the modern age with advanced medicine and technology, it was still possible for something like this to happen. Yet she didn't feel her eyes well up. Shecouldn't bring herself to cry. She wondered if there was something wrong with her.

"Mom, Leni. Are you okay?" was all she could bring herself to say.

Her mother turned to her as a tear broke free from one of her eyes.

"It happened ten years ago and your Dad and I have been able to go back to our jobs and taking care of all you," she said as she stroked Leni once more. Each carress was soothing to the younger daughter, even as she cried into her leg, "But we never forgot. She was as much a part of this family as you and Leni and Luna and everyone else," she choked back a sob, "When we lost her, it was one of the lowest points of our lives. And sadly, no amount of time can change that. Even now I think about her, my Leni," she then paused. She leaned in and enveloped her second daughter even more and started rubbing her trembling back, "Thinking about all the happy moments she didn't get the chance to have still makes me emotional."

Lori felt her mouth hang. Even though it has toned down, both of the women before her were still weeping. And here her eyes were dry. It made her feel bad, come across of uncaring of what has happened. Did it even strike her, or was it all out of reach? Regardless, the eldest daughter maintained the need to be a part of this, as if saying something will make either of them feel even a little better.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Lori said softly.

"No!" Rita cried, short of breath, "Don't you ever say that! It wasn't your fault or the doctors' fault. It was nobody's fault," she then shot fiery wet eyes at her oldest daughter.

The mortified mother then cast down at Leni, whose cries had largely reduced to sniffles, "I want you two to know that you and all of your siblings are loved. No amount of pain or disaster will ever get rid of it. Do you understand?"

She caught Lori nodding from her eye's corner. She then looked down at Leni, whose face was still buried in her pant leg.

"Leni," she said, tapping her back, "do you get it?"

"Yes, Mommy," she replied, deflated.

"I never want any of you to feel like you're not loved," Rita said firmly, still looking at Leni, "Don't ever feel like me and Dad regret having you. _You_ are special. All of you. You brighten up our days, you inspire us and those around you. And if you ever doubt that, never be afraid to come to your family. We can talk, hug it out. Because we Louds will always be there for each other."

Leni moved and revealed her tear-stricken face and red, puffy eyes. But instead of a frown, there was a fledgling smile on her face. She gave her mother an intimate look before surprising her with a tight hug.

"I love you Mommy," she said, her voice sore from crying.

Rita then smiled herself and brushed her daughter's long, flowing hair.

"I love you too. You are my sunshine, Leni."

"I'm not in the sky, silly," Leni said, giggling, "I'm down here with you."

As Lori observed this scene, she used one of her hands to rub up and down her arm. It was a little embarrassing seeing this unfold. In fact, this ordeal had be mushy to say the least.

"Lori," Rita said. The girl then turned to her mother's recovering face, "Come over here."

Yet upon seeing her mother's encouraging wave, Lori couldn't help herself. She crawled over to Rita's other leg and hugged her from the other side. Being inches from one of her sisters cranked up the awkwardness to an unprecedented high, but for once, she felt that was a good thing. Even sticks in the mud like her need love.

As she held that embrace, Lori looked over to Leni, who's smile had grown to that of a loon. Suddenly, Lori wondered how this would change things going forward. She knew Leni could be absent-minded, seemingly aloof, or (in the best cases) resilient. But she also understood that her sister had a different way of life, a different brain, a different view. Would she be surprised by what she was capable of?

Did it matter right now?


	17. Mayfly's Year

"Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday dear Leni!

Happy Birthday to you!"

The young blonde twiddled her thumbs as she stood before the strawberry cake. Her eyes had no anchor; they shifted from the '9' candle to Lori to her Mom holding Lucy, to Linky, who was to her right. All of their happy faces were staring at her, yet her own eyes served as a window to her own anxiety.

Her entire body was burning up, her cheeks were red, she felt like she would jump out of her skin, and her smile threatened to fly off her face. Generally, Leni wasn't one to appreciate being the center of attention. To her, it was weird for other people to direct all their focus at her, no matter the reason. Usually this happened in class, when the classmates she admired but rarely talked to turned their gazes at her. But family was different.

"Make your wish, Leni," Lynn Sr. said, extending his hand out towards the burning candle.

"Okay! I wish that Linky-"

"Don't say it out loud, honey. If you do, it may not come true. Just say it in your head and then, blow out the candle."

Leni pondered the question for several moments. And then, with an eccentric puff, blew out.

 _"Please come true."_

"Cake time!" the young Lynn exclaimed.

* * *

"I thought you didn't like clothes," Leni said, while sitting at the couch.

"You're making it sound like I hate them," Lori replied, kneeling in front of the TV's DVD player, "That's literally not true. Once you get older, you'll start to understand that _every_ girl needs to like clothes. It's the only way anyone's gonna like you," she then clenched her eyes and placed her hand over her heart, although more for dramatic effect.

She pushed 'play' and returned to the couch, plopping herself next to her little sister.

"Besides," Lori said, "I literally spent $30 of my allowance on this thing. I might as well watch it."

As she turned back to the TV screen, she felt a jolt across her wrist.

"Thank you, Lori," Leni said with a small grin, "It was, like, a great birthday present. Thank you, Lori."

"Sure."

The two sat there in silence. Lori held the remote and was tapping the fast forward button, chopping through the advertisements and copyright warnings. The oldest sister occasionally turned back to Leni, whose face was as blank as usual (progress wasn't an overnight thing). And then she thought about herself.

 _"Stupid Carol! All your dumb clothes and pink purses."_

But for all she told herself she hated the girly girl game, deep down she was aware of a curiosity; one that melded her body to that cushion, beside the only person she knew with a greater fixation for fashion than that Carol.

 _"I'm only watching this for Leni! She loves this mindless stuff!"_

And besides, _Los Angels_ was over. Sure she 'forgot' to watch some episodes during the final season, but she made sure to catch that 'dumb, stupid' finale where Marcy and Josh's relationship only grew stronger. Great. She needed something new, especially with summer vacation just a few short weeks away. And what better way to end the school year than with the first season of _Runway Master_ and her little sister. Right?

"My name is Tony Sykes," said a man on the screen with slicked black hair and thick plastic glasses, "and this is Runway Master."

The camera widened to reveal his setting: a large stage stocked with lights along with a long narrow ramp digging deep into the gallery. Skye's proudly stood at the runway's edge.

"Sixteen designers from tailor shops, boutiques, and retailers across the country will compete for the chance to have their creations sold in New York's finest clothing lines! The contestants will be divided into two teams and each week, they will create a line based on a given theme. Their lines will be judged by guest panelists _—_ the biggest names in fashion! The losing team will vote have to nominate two people for elimination and I will personally cut their ribbons short," he said with a mischievous smile, "In the end, only one wil remain. That lucky designer will be named the Runway Master! Along with a $100,000 prize, the Runway Master will join the creative team at my New York store and become a big name in the fashion world!"

What followed was a long montage of all the contestants _—_ their names, backstories, philosophies on fashion, and the measurements of their egos. The two sisters saw the camera whiz from a wannabe star that owns a corner shop in Los Angeles to a farmer whose only experience is sewing clothes for his own family.

"I make clothes because I want all my friends to be as beautiful as me!" a third contestant exclaimed. She was a fresh graduate from beauty school and she docked Paris-quality makeup and a devilish smirk.

"She's so nice. She must be a really good friend," Leni said plainly.

* * *

Lori, though, couldn't stop thinking of a certain girl that keeps ending up in the same class. Perhaps she wasn't _exactly_ like that now, but she would _literally_ be that way ten years from now. Those pupils on the digital screen screamed nothing but lies, her hairstyle was completely ridiculous (a bush with loops branching out and around), and that smile...ugh.

As the show progressed, Lori kept finding herself giving quick looks to her sister. For the most part, she appeared normal. She wasn't smiling and her eyes weren't sparkling, but they also didn't look lifeless not was that face a frown. It was just, the Leni look.

The first challenge involved everyone making a "true New York" outfit, whatever that meant. The greater part of the episode involved the production of each person's design, but as Lori soon noticed, not all the conversation was about fashion. Right off the bat, there were people talking strategy and relationships. No one appeared to have a crush on someone else (or at least not yet), but there were already arguments and vendettas that grabbed Lori's attention. In some ways, it reminded her of _Los_ _Angels_ , particularly the mean girls from that show. But on the grand stage of reality TV, these personalities became the highlight. And Lori couldn't get enough. Leni, though, appeared unmoved.

Lori still routinely checked in on her sister. She knew that Leni's body language wasn't always the window to her soul, but there were several moments where she became uncertain. Was Leni even enjoying this? Was there enough clothes going around? Could she even follow what was happening?

Soon enough, it came time to present the teams' lines. The stage was lit in the tackiest neon pink, white, and yellow millions of dollars could buy. At the end of the blessed runway were Sykes and four other people in sophisticated attire eagerly awaiting.

"Come on in!"

One by one, each of the contestants emerged from behind the curtain along with an attractive model (a well chiseled figure) wearing their creation. The contestant then described a variety of details _—_ the "inspiration", the fabric, seams, colors, and texture. As expected for a theme as nebulous as "New York", there were a plethora of interpretations. Some envisioned street clothes (to empower the average Joe), others sought to emulate the works of the big names (many of whom were the judges), and still other strove to get their creations into a museum (by being "postmodern").

"You have got to be kidding me," Sykes said incredulously as he examined the work of one woman. It was a plain white dress with sequins on it. Unfortunately, there was a noticeable rip at the bottom and, dare it happen, some of the sequins were falling off like beads, "I wouldn't even give that to Sheila! You should be a freakin shredder instead of a designer!"

The camera cut to a closeup of the woman's face, whose professional stoicism was clearly struggling to stay afloat.

"Get out of my sight!" Sykes exclaimed.

Music played as the contestant trudged off the runway. It was that slow piano sound that Lori could have sworn to have heard earlier in that episode. The next image was the confessional cam, where the woman was wiping her tears eyes, lamenting her failure to please Tony Sykes.

"That was mean. She worked hard on that dress. I thought it was good," Leni said plainly, although her voice also carried out her concern in small packets.

Lori turned to see her sister, whose eyes were still glued to the screen. Was she even talking to her or was she vocalizing her thoughts? Either way, it wasn't every day that Leni spoke her mind.

 _"Just what I wanted."_

"Oh Leni," she said, jokingly, "You don't get it."

Her sister continued staring at the screen with wide eyes.

"What do you, like, mean?"

"I mean that you can't just say everything is good. Sometimes, things are just bad and people need to learn," Lori replied, keeping contact with the disconnected girl, "You can't just say something is good just to be nice."

Her sister's position was unchanged.

"But she still worked really hard on it," she slowly said, "and, like, I could wear that to school because it's pretty."

"It had a rip! Do you really want to wear something that's literally falling apart?"

For a moment, the only noise in the room came from the TV _—_ background music, sound effects, and dialogue. Lori saw her younger sister shrug even as her eyes remained glued to the screen.

"Still, she worked hard on it," she eventually said.

Lori sighed.

"You know, even if you do mean it, you have to have standards," Lori said, vision turning back to the screen. Sure enough, a more elegant white suit trotted down the runway, much to Sykes's delight. But once she looked back, she was surprised to see her sister's blank stare directed at her.

"Stan...dards," Leni said, confused.

 _"Of course,"_ Lori thought as she sighed once more.

"Sometimes, you just gotta know when something is bad," she said as she pointed to the screen, "Just because people work hard and want it all to be good doesn't mean you have to like it. If you want to be a good designer, then you have to know that some clothes are horrible," her mind then started warping her from the room and bitterness morphed her voice, "Ripped, too big, too small, ugly, stuffy! Sure you can work hard to try to look good or be liked, but do you think Caro-Skyes will care?"

The oldest girl then saw a strand of hair fall out of place, swinging in front of her forehead. In a huff, she blew it.

"Lori," she heard Leni say, "you sound mad."

She slowly turned to see her younger sister who, at this point, looked nervous. Those soft eyes and unblemished cheeks immediately sedated her. How that face worked wonders. Lori grabbed the remote and hit the pause button and then allowed the plastic brick to fall into the cushion.

"I had a bad day at school," she said begrudgingly.

"What happened?"

For a moment, she felt almost relieved by the surprise. Here Leni was asking a follow-up question. She almost wanted to thank her for thinking of it, but then something else invaded her attention. Still seeing that annoying loose strand, Lori forcefully grabbed it and slid it back into place. Meanwhile, her sister remained frozen.

"You know that new dress Mom got me over the weekend?" Lori asked.

Leni nodded.

"Well when I went to school today wearing it," she then paused as her throat seared with a nasty, nauseous burn, "Carol. She came right up to me with her stupid face covered in stupid makeup and with her stupid fancy clothes and she literally called my dress a sewage-infested garbage bag."

No change. Lori was bothered by this. When Leni had the care to ask her what happened, she kinda thought that gripping sensation also came with an urge to emote.

"But it wasn't a garbage bag. It was a dress," was all she could say.

She wanted to sigh again, yet it came out more as an agitated groan than anything else. Maybe that would have gotten through to her sister. A signal, perhaps.

"It's a figure of speech," Lori explained, clearly annoyed, "she said it was ugly. And then literally, my whole day was ruined. No one wanted to sit with me at lunch," she then looked down at her normal clothes, which she had changed into shortly after coming home, "it's not fair. They had to put _her_ in the same class as me instead of Emily! At least she would have stood up for me."

She then felt a hand touch her shoulder. She turned, and sure enough, it was Leni giving a small smile.

"It's okay, Lori," she said gently.

There it was. So why was it so demeaning?

Lori sighed defeatedly.

"Leni, things at school are gonna start getting harder," she said, gazing into her sister's eyes, "the girls you know are gonna change. They're gonna start paying more attention to stuff like clothes and purses, sometimes even boys. And some of them are gonna start getting mean to those that are easy to pick on."

Using one of her own hands, Lori placed it on top of her sister's.

"Leni," she said firmly, "I want you to start making friends. You gotta know how to talk to these girls so you have a leg up."

Sure enough, the girl did just that, securing her right foot on the cushion. She then proceeded to rub her leg as she curiously pondered how that would make her new friends. Lori pinched her nose's bridge.

"No, not literally," Lori said. Even she was astonished by how much she was using figurative language. Usually, she was so direct and clear to Leni. She tried to translate , but the words wouldn't come to her. It wasn't fair, she felt. It wasn't her fault that things were changing for her. Why couldn't girls like her keep pretending that boys were gross or not have to put on makeup every day? Why did everything _—_ along with everyone _—_ have to "grow up"? Defeated, the fingers holding her nose slid up, eventually involving the whole hand in a facepalm.

And of course there was her sister Leni. From what she heard from around the school, her parents, and (occasionally) from the source herself, Leni had been getting by from kindergarten through almost all of third grade (where she currently was). Her classmates were aware of her circumstances and (for the most part) had been at least civil to her. Barring a few minor incidents, no one has teased her for her tics and on the rare occasions she tried holding a conversation, most of them were polite enough to acknowledge her. From what Lori knew, no one hated her sister or grew the need to harm her.

Yet she has also never seen Leni come home with another kid her age. Lori had Emily and a few others. Luna, Luan, and Lynn each had at least one enthusiastic playmate. Even Lincoln had found a circle of friends at his preschool.

Leni, though, was by herself (unless she just wasn't telling anyone in the House). Sure she was into clothes (a good plus), but what good was that if she never willing to open up. Would her classmates maintain their stance of keeping to themselves? Would they still understand once they move on to fourth grade and beyond? Or would they start getting ideas? If she ever found out someone was picking on Leni...she'd rather not think about it.

Rather, she turned back to her little sister, who looked like she hasn't moved in all that time of contemplation. In a flicker, Lori also feared giving that innocent face bad advice. What if it made her as rotten as Carol? She sighed.

"Look," she finally said, "just promise me that you'll start talking to more kids in class."

A pause.

"But..., like, when I do I say 'hi'," Leni replied.

"Okay. And then what do you say after that?"

Silence. The audio kind. And a shrug.

"That's a problem. I mean, come on!" Lori said as she pointed at the frozen still frame, "you literally have no idea how many girls love clothes! That alone gives you something to talk about. You can make friends just from that!" she then turned back to her sister, who still observed with a blank face, "I mean, how nice would it be to have someone to talk to during lunch? How fun it would be to spend hours at someone else's house reading magazines, watch shows like this, and talking about clothes?"

Using her sister's arm as a guide, Leni turned her gaze back to the screen. The still it was paused on had an immaculate emerald dress being displayed.

"I like clothes."

"All I want is for you to be safe. Just please try to get friends because...you'll thank me some day," Lori said. She gave one last look at her sister, whose eyes were once more glued on the screen. She briefly wondered if she even paid attention to her plea. Perhaps, but for now, there was bonding to be done elsewhere. She grabbed the remote, pressed play, and was met by the cacophony of music and narration.

"Lori," she heard her sister say, "why do I, like, need standees?"

Lori, though, only kept her eyes on the TV, watching Sykes sing praises to the contestant's wonderful creation. She wasn't sure if that made her excited or just more jealous. And anyhow, she had lost the urge to keep going on with this matter.

"Nevermind."

* * *

Fourth grade arrived sure enough. Usually, the kids were all scrambled up into different classes, but for this year, the school was testing a new program of "community learning", where students were expected to develop interpersonal relationships beyond the confines of a single school year. Because of this, all of the classes in the school (barring the new kindergarteners) were the same as those from last year (the only thing switching is the teacher). So much for a fresh start.

The first few weeks flew by with little notice. Even with the same set of students, Leni started noticing more purses in the class. While they were limited to only a handful, these girls quickly won the attention of others that sought to be as "old" as they were. Some of the boys also started to change a little. While there were some that still cracked girl jokes and believed in cooties, others were starting to develop crushes. As Lori had saw for herself, Leni's class was starting to change now that they were hitting double digits. They may not all have been bothered, but many of them noticed at the very least.

One morning before class started, Leni sat at her desk, twiddling her thumbs. A lot of times, she thought about clothes _—_ coloring them, wearing them, and making them (although her parents swore off getting a sewing machine until her next birthday). Regardless, she got excited with those images, even if she couldn't act upon them. But that's just how the routine went.

"Thanks. I got it from Lacy's yesterday. But don't even bother with it. They only had it in _my_ size."

"Fine. I'll just ask my Mom to get me one that's even prettier!"

"Whatever. Either way, we're easily the most glamorous girls in this prison. Like seriously, don't they know that we have better things to do than be at school?"

Leni looked up from her desk and saw three girls in front of her, chatting away. They were bunched together as their own unit, ignorant of the ambivalent population surrounding them. While she didn't mind too much for what the others thought, all Leni could focus on was the new dress one of the girls was wearing. It was yellow and silky, going all the way down to her thighs. Her eyes were drawn to both its color and texture, a winning combination only a specialty store like Lacy's could provide.

"I like your dress," Leni said, her head directed at the pack. What she didn't expect was that on her first try, she gained their attention. Each of the girls shifted around to see the source of that voice. To them, they saw that one girl that never spoke up in class. They may not have remembered what her voice sounded like, but it was distinct enough so that they could at least recognize (if not be surprised) the few times it emerged.

"Well thanks," the girl wearing the dress said pompously, using the opportunity to show off her attire, "I'm glad we're not the only ones with a taste for _true_ fashion."

And just like that, she and her friends went back to their comfortable circle. Leni only looked on from the outside, ignorant of the fact that she wasn't in it. All she could think about was that one opinion she gave and the approval it received. From her desk, she was at peace.

 _"Lori's gonna be so proud."_

* * *

"Leni, Mr. Tyson has been giving me wonderful news about how you're speaking up more," Mrs. Boxer said warmly, sitting at a table beside her.

"There are girls that like clothes," Leni replied.

The teacher smiled.

"I am proud of you. And now that you're talking more with other kids, I think it's time we start learning about the rules of talking."

Leni sat there, staring at the table's wooden surface. In that moment, she was fixated to the pattern of beige and brown, how the two swirled into concentric ovals. To her, someone had to be really good at finger painting to get it from a boring white slate to something mystifying.

"Could you look me in the eyes, Leni?" a voice said. Sure enough, the fourth grader brought herself to attention, freezing herself in front of the the teacher with flash cards, "One rule of talking is to look the other person in the eye. If they are talking and you don't look at them, they'll think that you don't want to hear what they have to say and they won't want to talk to you. And when you are the one speaking, you want to look the other person in the eye so that they know that they are the one you are trying to talk to."

As she spoke, Mrs. Boxer took out a card with a picture of two boys having a conversation together. Using her older finger, she pointed to each of their eyes and their directions, each right on the other. It was an ideal conversation.

"When you talk to the other kids in your class, do they look you in the eye while you're speaking?" Mrs. Boxer asked.

Leni was eager to answer; her throat cleared and her mouth was prepared to open. But then she realized something. She thought about it, for real. And it hit her that she couldn't actually remember how those other girls reacted to her. Sure her body was directed to them at the moment, but she realized only now that she didn't bother to actually see the ones she was talking to. She might as well have been speaking to a wall which, while better than nothing, didn't help her all that much. Sheepishly, she shrugged.

"That's okay. If they do, then it certainly means they like what you have to say," she said as she flipped to yet another flash card depicting another scene, "If you are talking and you see that they are looking somewhere else or if they look bored, then you should ask them if they like what you're talking about. Sometimes, they could be interested and they may not be showing it, but other times they will not like it," she said as she tapped the drawing of a kid with glazed, tired eyes, "If that happens, then you can change the topic to something else that you two like."

She then placed the card down on the table.

"It's okay if you don't like what your friend is talking about either. It goes both ways. The most important thing is that you keep looking at the person if you're the one talking and pay attention to if they look bored or uninterested," she then placed the card back up, using her fingers to emphasize the various details of the 'bored' face, "And always remember to ask if they do look like this. Your friend will be glad that you care about how they feel."

Leni stared at her teacher, trying her best to remember each individual word she heard. It may not have always worked, but she was at least thankful that Mrs. Boxer spoke in a slow, pleasant tone that was easy to intake.

"Okay," she answered, "I like clothes and I think you're great, Mrs. Boxer."

Mrs. Boxer noticed a small grin popping up on her student's face. If what she heard wasn't enough, that little gesture made it certain that she would reciprocate it.

"Thank you, Leni," she said, even chuckling a little, "that is so thoughtful!"

With this growth (this metamorphosis) happening before her eyes, Mrs. Boxer was hopeful that Leni would soon befriend many. Once the girl learned to truly spread her wings, that task, she felt, would be easy.

* * *

New day. New year. New decade.

While not as spectacular as the splash ten years prior, the Louds were still excited to be ushered into a new age where anything was possible.

And of course there were coincidences. Given the size and chaos of the world, most people find it refreshing when things line up clearly. In some ways, things become easier. To some, they also create a sense of significance. It's a shame they don't come frequently.

That said, that didn't make them impossible.

On the last night of 2009, Rita was paralyzed by the familiar spasms. Lynn Sr. herded the seven kids into Vanzilla while offering his brittle hand to his overwhelmed wife. The rush to the hospital and the impending wait in the hallway were all too familiar to him and the older kids by this point, even with the prospect of twins.

The stakeout lasted well after sunset and into the night. It was on a date like this that the father was glad that the Royal Woods Hospital was divided into wings _—_ childrrn's, adult's, clinic, stomach pumping. The last thing he wanted (he needed) was for a sketchy character to come within ten feet of his children. For now, he sat on the couch and watched both the New Year's Eve specials and the kids on the floor.

"I'm gonna stay up until midnight," Lori gloated as she knelt before the small TV.

"Nuh-uh! You are so gonna fall asleep," Lynn shot back, lying on her stomach.

"Yeah," Luna added, "Just because you're the oldest doesn't mean you'll be the _only_ one still up!"

Lori, though, merely snickered.

"You babies don't know anything," the oldest said, "Every year, I see each and every one of you fall. Only I would know because _I'm_ the only one of you that's actually seen the ball fall as it's happening. _You've_ only seen clips of it the next morning."

Luan, who was sitting behind Luna, suddenly formed a sly grin on her face.

"Well let's hope no one _balls_ asleep," she said. Most of the family chuckled (Lynn Sr. being by far the loudest), "Get it?"

"Good one, Luan!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed.

Leni sat behind the others, her back against the couch's cushion. To her immediate left was her dad's legs.

"Daddy," she said, tugging his pants. The motion quickly garnered his attention.

"Oh hi, Leni. What is it?" Lynn Sr. said gently.

"Um..." she moaned meekly, "I, like, don't get it. All she said was, like, about falling asleep."

Lynn Sr. smiled and extended his fatherly hand to brush his daughter's golden hair.

"Oh honey, it's a pun. Yeah she said she hoped she wouldn't fall asleep. But instead of using the word 'fall', she used the word 'ball'. As in, the ball that falls on New Years," he said, chuckling as he explained the joke, "don't you get it? It's funny."

What Lynn Sr. got next was a blast of manufactured laughter. He was astonished; Leni had exploded into a series of hacked, forced 'chuckles'.

"It's funny! Funny!" she said between breaths.

Lynn Sr., though, gave a small smile and ruffled his daughter's hair some more.

"Yeah," he said, "it is pretty funny if I say so myself."

For the next few hours, not much happened. One by one, the kids started falling asleep. Lynn Sr. cradled Lucy, who was out before nine. Soon enough, only the oldest two girls were still awake. Leni lied down on the couch, using her father's thigh as a pillow. She fidgeted a little, trying to nestle herself securely into his embrace. At one point, she looked up to see his eyes wide, his pupils racing, and his knee tightly gripped by his own hand. It was as if there were three different bubbles condensed into a tiny waiting room couch. Even in the darkness and limited blue light the TV screen provided, even she didn't need Mrs. Boxer to know about this.

"Daddy."

Lynn Sr. jumped up and snapped his head to the tired Leni.

"What is it, sweetie," he said weakly, as if his vocal cords were being snagged by twigs and branches.

"Is there, like, something wrong?" Leni asked slowly as she rested her head into his form, "you look scared."

Upon hearing this, the father forced his lips to curl into a U-shape, hoping that alone would be enough. He kept that face for a few seconds, but that stare, that stare Leni was known for giving, persisted like the hours that remained in the decade.

"I'm just a little nervous," he sad, placing his hand on Leni's cheek. Like a lot of the other gestures him and her mom gave, she warmly accepted it, "After all, twins are a big deal."

Leni's eyes darted up to her Dad's.

"I love you so much," he said, almost as a whisper.

For a moment, her eyes remained on that heavenly face, as if it were an anchor at the bottom of sea. At this point, Leni was too tired to smile, but those fuzzy feelings fizzled her body, giving her those wonderful flourishes. Then, she slowly shifted away to the floor. In the corner of her eye, she could see Lori's face turned towards her. But as her head started moving to adjust to the new position, she swore that sight were an illusion; Lori quickly jerked back to the screen, focusing on the televised festivities.

"Next up, a live performance by Mick Swagger!"

Soon enough, though, she drifted off as well. The last noises Leni heard of the 2000s was a distant stream of guitar, drums, and some British guy singing his heart out.

"Kids! Kids!"

Just like that, all seven of them shot up to meet their excited father. The room had tints of sun shining through the windows. It was a new day.

"Lana and Lola came out while you were all sleeping. Do you want to meet them?"

And so the stampede developed. Once again, Lynn Sr. guided the children through the narrow, quiet corridors of the hospital ward. They turned into the room and were greeted by the still tired Rita, holding two newborns, one in each arm.

"Good morning everyone," she said softly.

"Happy New Year, honey!" Lynn Sr. replied. And it was then that his eyes could truly register the two beautiful sights before him. The man felt something...new from seeing them. Like magic, a rope was loosened, a string carefully released. His face softened, lost all of its defense, and he proudly approached his two new daughters.

"Hi Lana, hi Lola," he said, his voice struggling to remain controlled in the wave of elation. He felt his eyes stinging with tears and he shamelessly let them fall, "you two are our New Year twins!"

The other children started surrounding the bed, getting their own close-ups of the twins. Even in the midst of the aww's and smiles, Lori still made sure to keep her own eye on Leni, seeing how she was reacting. She appeared fine, celebrating the births as much as the next. Celebrating the new decade.

* * *

Spring came as quickly as ever. Even with two new girls around, the House maintained its normalcy. The kids still played and talked amongst each other, even though Lori felt she was getting too old for such little games. As time told, she started asking Mom to take her to the mall to get new clothes. And nice ones at that.

Leni was pleased to see the room's closet fill with new selections, new combinations. It didn't take long for the girl to start observing them, coloring them, and (on some days) wearing them herself. As annoyed as Lori was for this behavior, she understood it was part of the 'package'. And it wasn't all that big of a trade off if it mean she would finally be admired. After all, such a matter was a top priority for the young girl.

With the rejuvenation came Lori's eleventh birthday. As promised, her gifts mainly consisted of new clothes, mostly from the mall. She admired and thanked her parents for getting her such valuable tickets to that final stopping point she now craved more than anything.

But there was one moment that caught the birthday girl's attention. At one point, she caught Leni slipping upstairs by herself. Unfortunately, she was in the middle of talking to the others, so she couldn't follow her.

 _"Is she okay?"_

Before the crowd could dissipate, the answer appeared to be delivered. Leni returned unnoticed. Nothing on her face appeared out of the ordinary, she seemed just as happy as the others for their big sister. Did she just go upstairs for alone time? Had she really gotten above the point where she doesn't need to isolate herself so frequently? It's a shame days like then provided little time for contemplation.

And now that Lori thought about it, the past year had moved fairly quickly. Rapid changes, new additions. Was this just a way of life? Did things change all that much? Was it just a silly dream or thought? For a brief moment, Lori found herself at an unusual crossroad. Too much had happened. Was _that_ what made it nothing more than a blur. But then change struck again. It didn't seem to matter that much anymore. Now there was simply the future.

 _"Let's hope she likes that sewing machine Mom and Dad got her,"_ was all she could think of before moving on.


	18. Fifth Grade

"Good morning, class."

"Good morning, Mrs. Johnson," the class recited.

For a few moments, the proud teacher smiled as her gaze shifted from one side of the room to the other. While it most of the teachers at Royal Woods Elementary were passionate about their job, Johnson had a reputation for being especially devoted. She wasn't the best at educating, but she loved children and she couldn't help but take time out of her day to appreciate them for who they were. Her students could tell and they had a high level of respect for her, although sometimes they felt she went a little too far. The silent stare did create some confusion.

Eventually, though, Mrs. Johnson started sifted through her bag. In the midst of winter, it was already stuffed with materials.

"First thing's first," she said as she searched. Eventually, she found two Manila folders stacked with papers, "I have your tests from last week."

Mrs. Johnson, carrying the stack, walked up and down the aisles to hand back individual tests, "Some of you did quite well, others could do better, but I want you to know that I believe that all of you can do it," she announced as she did this, "Keep working hard, ask for help if you need it, and tell yourself that you can do it."

Leni kept staring forward at the clean chalkboard. She nearly missed the piece of paper being slipped onto her desk. She glanced down on it and noticed the 'C-' printed in red. Her eyes scanned the test, being particularly drawn to the x's, circles, and notes scattered across the white and black surface. As was typical for her schoolwork.

It was a math test and it covered operations with decimals (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division). Leni knew math wasn't easy for her, but that never stopped her from trying to get it, to really nail it down. And while she felt she got a lot of help, she was disappointed that it didn't yield ideal results.

Starved by desperate curiosity, her expressionless face scanned the desks around her in search of other red markings. Most of the ones she saw had a 'B' or better. Was the concept that elementary? That even after studying and extra help, she still couldn't match her peers. It was times like these that Leni was glad she could slack to her default look ('indifference').

"Now that that's done, I have an exciting new assignment for you all," Mrs. Johnson said, her voice pumped by enthusiasm. She swung by her desk and pulled out a second Manila folder, "Group project!"

Most of the class broke out into its usual chatter. From their persona experience, they knew that Mrs. Johnson had fun projects, even if they rarely cared for their educational value.

"Alright, settle down everyone," she said over the noise. Sure enough, it did. as usual, she started speaking as she distributed the sheets, "You will each be in groups of two or three and you will work together to make a poster board about the American Revolution. On the sheet provided are some topics you can do research on. I would like you to include at least three topics on your poster. After that, each group will present their poster in front of the class."

Each student took the time to read over the paper and most of them instantly became excited by one sentence on the sheet, "You are free to choose who will be in your group."

"Now since everyone is present today," Mrs. Johnson said as she oversaw the class before her. Sure enough, none of the seats were vacant, "I will let you pick your groups today," her vision then gazed to a bloc of five girls in the back corner of the room, each of them with purses and other accessories, "Remember, no more than three."

Just like that, the room exploded into sound. About half the class stood up and moved around. Many of these kids were barely even thinking about which direction their legs were moving in; they knew who was sitting where. By this point in the year, relationships have deepened even further (and cemented by yet the third year this exact roster was in place). It was common sense.

Leni quietly sat at her own desk. Her eyes wandered from her desk's wooden surface to the numerous clusters of classmates that had developed around her. Her throat was relaxed and had no intention of winding up. Her arm was tired and lacked an interest to rise up. Her deepest fibers were comfortable with maintaining the status quo; why get up and move or talk right now?

But the girl was suddenly surprised by a buzzing happening in her head. It was small and largely insignificant (certainly not enough to get her body moving), but it was poignant enough to make her think. Now that she did observe what was around her, this configuration was more than just a one-time ordeal. Memories of other times flooded her mind of other group assignments. Sure she ended up in a group, but only after the teacher (whether it was Mrs. Johnson or otherwise) asked an already established unit to put her on like a jacket on a summer day. It was a pattern. Why was it only now that she was becoming aware of it, she thought.

"Leni," she heard Mrs. Johnson say as she approached her desk, "would you like to find a group to join?"

Beat for beat. As that buzzing amplified, Leni jerked her head around the room, trying to find a group that she thought might accept. While a lot of them already had three people in them, what she thought about more was her inability to leave her seat. Here she was, having this urge, this itch to prove something and she couldn't get up. To her, it felt embarrassing.

 _"Is Mrs. Johnson looking at me funny?"_

"That group in the back only has two people. Why don't you join them?" she said gently with a smile.

Too slow. Have things always been like that? Was the world suddenly on fast forward?

Using Mrs. Johnson's hand as a guide, Leni's eyes followed it to the back of the room, where two girls were giddily talking amongst themselves. Each of them had purses and distinguished themselves with their sophisticated sweaters and yoga pants, among the only five in the class to adorn such attire.

"Cassidy, Tara," Mrs. Johnson called out. On cue, their conversation halted and the two girls brought themselves to their teacher's attention. What became striking to her was how their faces drained of emotion. They both looked like her in that moment, "Would you mind letting Leni join your group?"

The two girls glanced at each other, their faces remaining unmoved. And then, Cassidy slowly nodded.

Before Mrs. Johnson could speak, Leni grabbed for her things and moved them to an empty desk near Cassidy and Tara. Those empty stares. Leni was aware of how difficult it could be to translate emotions into tangible expressions. Were they all that much like her? That underlying tension chewing at her as she looked back at them. Is that how _she_ has made others feel this whole time?

"So I literally cried so hard when I found out she broke up with him on live TV," Tara said, turning to Cassidy. Leni, meanwhile, twidled her thumbs as she silently spectated the two-way talk.

"Me too! And then my brother came in and he was, like so annoying! He didn't get it. All he wanted was to switch the channel to some stupid basketball game."

"Ugh! That's the worst! When will he ever learn?"

"And he's already in, like, sixth grade. He's never gonna get a girlfriend if he keeps being so smug."

The two continued their fierce gossip about Cassidy's brother (who's name isn't shared). All Leni could do was observe this dome from the outside. And to think this project was supposed to be about something. If only she could think of any potential topic to include with it. Besides, it's not like she had anything else to talk about.

"But then I saw her literally wearing a T-shirt. A T-Shirt!"

"No wonder we don't like her. And because of that, no one likes her. I mean, what girl in their right mind wears a T-Shirt?! How old are you? Like, two?!"

"I uh," Leni blurted out. Her tongue got jammed, the words were stuck. And those faces were staring at her again. Even with the intimidation they wrought to her, she still took the time to slowly untangle and speak, "Why don't we, like, have fashion from the American Relation and put that in our...um, project?"

Cassidy and Tara turned to each other once more. All Leni could was wonder if that's normal. Was it?

"Um," Cassidy eventually said, stilted, "well that's not due for, like, another month."

"But, like, shouldn't we be talking about the project right now?" Leni asked, staring down at the information sheet. Although it had little detail on an initial group discussion, the due date was clearly printed in bold. Additionally, she could make out some of the other conversations happening amongst the different groups. She may not have made out all the words from the clashing noises, but she could at least make out "American" and other words that she recalled Mrs. Johnson using in class. What made them so different?

"We'll get to it," Cassidy repeated.

And the words dissipated. Leni felt like her voice faded out. Again. Cassidy and Tara simply went back to their conversation. All she could do was sit there and listen. A lot of it was gossip (the two girls complaining about other people and inconveniences of daily life). They talked a lot about their proclaimed friends and what they were up to. Setting frequently bounced from one friend's house to another's back to the school, followed by a trip to the mall, and then back to Tara's house before having to go to 'lame old school'. Cassidy and Tara were awfully fast talkers. Too fast. Even when they talked about clothes, Leni tried reaching out to say how she too likes clothes or how she herself has started making them (thanks to a sewing machine she got for her last birthday). But the window was there. And gone like that.

Was this how Mrs. Boxer described conversation? Cassidy and Tara were both looking at each other, none of them looked bored, neither side went on a monologue, they kept their personal space, and the comments weren't _that_ rude. Leni understood the part she was playing; she paid attention and was actively trying to show that she cared about the topic (especially when it shifted to clothes). But she began observing (oh how Mrs. Boxer would be proud) of her surroundings. Was it natural for a three-way conversation to have the speaker perpetually only look at one person? Was she just being impatient that she hasn't been asked a question yet or given a turn to talk? Was she not smiling wide enough for them to see? Was she being rude in the presence of such tolerant girls?

"The model they got for _Tween Queen_ this week is gorgeous!"

"I know. Last week's was so disgusting, I literally almost unsubscribed!"

"It's all in the eyeliner. My parents were like 'Not until you're fourteen'," Tara said nasally, "Ugh! I hate them so much!"

"I would die! And I thought waiting until twelve was bad!"

So that's what girls in fifth grade read? Leni suddenly felt bad that she had never heard of some of these things. Had she been living under a rock this whole time? Now that she thought about it, she recalled some of the fits Lori got into about things.

"And then it got to the dresses and they were simply fab!"

"My parents will never get it for me! It's so expensive!"

And then she threw her mouth open.

"It must be a nice dress if it's, like, a lot of money," Leni said, desperately trying to get her words in, lest one of the others continue.

The two girls turned back to her. Their eyes, mouths, nothing. Did they even appreciate her input?

"Well yeah," Tara replied, "it's, like, $200."

Before Leni could add to that, Tara jerked her head back to Cassidy and went back to their conversation. Leni gazed at Tara, the one that had the bother to acknowledge her existence. Did she look pleased? Was that enough?

But the answer was two girls talking more about magazines that she never heard of. If only she saw those pictures they were describing, the articles they read, the paper they touched.

And to think they were all supposed to be bonding over the 'American Relation'.

"Leni."

The blonde girl turned to Mrs. Johnson.

"You're free to join Mrs. Boxer."

She then turned to the door and saw the teacher waiting joyfully. It seemed like an escape.

Leni obliged. She stood up, gazing at Cassidy and Tara, who were both staring at her. Why were they doing that? Why couldn't they just go back to talking about whatever it was? That's what the others were doing. Right? Leni slowly stumbled up the aisle, approaching Mrs. Johnson's and Mrs. Boxer's smiling, eager faces. Oh, how they were guardians in that moment. They knew her. They knew how it should be. Right? And that question carried itself all the way out of the room.

"Mrs. Johnson told me you're working on a group project," she said, givin her student a hearty smile, "Are you, Cassidy, and Tara having fun?"

Leni stared at her teacher's reassuring face. What was there to say? She could say 'bad', but then that would make her partners look malicious. They weren't bullying her. They weren't trying to be mean, right?

"Yes...it's about, uh, the American Relation," Leni said.

Mrs. Boxer chuckled.

"I believe it's called the American _Revolution_ ," she said, being careful as usual to not hurt the girl's feelings.

"Oh, okay," she replied, her voice clearly unaffected. But Leni couldn't bring herself to look back at Mrs. Boxer. She could only bring herself to keep her eyes on the hallway before her. It wasn't even an act of forgetting; the girl felt a force pulling her in the opposite direction of the teacher, as if she were a spider. Perhaps it was just a bad day. Maybe that silly mind of her's was acting up again. Tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.

 _"Right?"_

Soon enough, they were back in the room. That small, white room with that same old table and chairs. It was familiar. Maybe a safe space was what she needed to relieve this uneasiness. Leni clumsily found her seat and eyed Mrs. Boxer as she casually took her's.

"Today, we'll be learning more about conversation," Mrs. Boxer said, "Have you been talking with Cassidy and Tara?"

"Yes," she replied, even with a voice reminding her of her doubts.

"What topics got brought up?"

Silence. Those precious seconds following the question were far from comforting to her. Were these moments always like that?

"Clothes. We'll get to the project soon," Leni replied.

"Hmm. That's okay. Sometimes, it can take a little time for ideas to come to us, especially on a big project like this," Mrs. Boxer said, trying to sound reassuring. All Leni could wonder was whether or not her teacher was a psychic. Her hungry curiosity wasn't that obvious.

Thankfully, the matter didn't come up again for the rest of the session.

* * *

Lunch time came. It was about time. After that weird morning, Leni hoped to forget her distress with a little quality cafeteria food. Besides, they were serving hot dogs today.

Unfortunately, given how she was stashed towards the back of the clumps of students, such relief was quite far. She was stuck in place, unable to move even a step forward without bumping into some poor kid's back. Realizing she was parked, Leni decided to look around the cafeteria, trying to find at least some pleasure in the ceiling, fluorescent lights, nutrition posters, Luna sitting alone with her homemade lunch.

Fascinated, she drifted from the clump. As she approached her little sister, the presence of empty chairs surrounding her became as prominent of the walls in the room. Once she was close enough, Luna looked up and saw her.

"Hi Leni," she said, putting on a smile, "wanna sit with me?"

The offer was too great for words. Leni, without even speaking, took a seat next to her sister. Luna then took out a fresh sandwich from her bag.

"Want half of my sandwich?" she asked.

"No thanks," Leni answered, opting to plant her hands on the table. As she started eating the sandwich, Luna was puzzled by the lack of food her sister had.

"Are you okay, Leni?" Luna asked, suddenly concerned.

To Leni, though, her sister sure was one to talk. Now that she thought about it, she did recall quite a few times in the past where her little sister had brought other girls over the House. She remembered her sister personally inviting her to join them, partaking in their rambunctious antics. Were they all sick that day? Sure it was cold out, but all of them?

"Where are your friends?" Leni asked, "are they in line?"

Luna's eyes widened. Her mouth halted, letting the sandwich mush sit on her gooey tongue. Leni noticed immediately. Was it the wrong question? Was her tone too rough? She tried telling herself she didn't mean it. Maybe Luna would finish chewing so she could answer her. And then everything would be alright.

 _"Why is still looking at me like that?"_

After a long pause (that Leni was all too familiar with at this point), her sister closed her eyes and swallowed her food. All either of them could hear was the unintelligible chatter of the student body. Why wasn't Luna opening her eyes? Leni suddenly felt a rush of anxiety, fearing that she had hurt her sister's feelings.

"I'm sorry," Leni said. She then leaned in and hugged her sister. She felt a jolt as she made contact with the younger Loud. Was she really that invasive of personal space? Even in a moment like this?

"Thanks, Leni," she heard her say softly, "you're the best."

"Why are you here all by yourself?" she asked, still embracing her. She then started rubbing her back, as if that would encourage her to open up. She never imagined seeing any of her siblings feeling sad, especially not Luna. What a day this turned out to be.

"Because I don't have friends," Luna said sadly. Even though Leni couldn't see her sister's face, those words compelled her to tighten her grip.

"What about those girls you hung out with? Aren't they, like, your friends?" Leni asked innocently.

She remembered those times when those girls let her join in. Even if she couldn't recall their names, those girls were wonderful, she thought. They were nice, encouraging, funny, and overall great kids. As was Emily. Leni may not have been a social butterfly, but those memories were simply wonderful. But come to think of it, she hadn't seen those girls around the House much. What was Luna getting at?

"They moved on," Luna said, sighing," They found other kids to be friends with, so...they don't need me anymore."

Leni clenched her eyes as she squeezed Luna even more.

"That's sad. Why haven't you tried to find new ones?"

"Too tight," she replied as she gasped for air, "You're...hurting me..."

The older Loud recoiled and shot up her Ducky arms. Her eyes trembled as she tried to make out each detail of Luna's face. Her sagged eyes and frown did show disappointment.

 _"It's at me, isn't it?"_

"I'm sorry," Leni blurted out.

Luna sighed.

"It's okay," she answered, looking on the ground, "I know you're just worried about me."

That was reassuring, Leni guessed. While she lowered the Ducy arms, she pitted her hands down to her chair's surface. She used her arms as some sort of brace, embarrassed to be in such a situation. Was she always this pushy?

"I have tried to make new friends," Luna said, looking back up to face her sister, "but it hasn't worked out. No one likes the things I like...and I don't have any talents I could use to impress them," she then sighed, "Lori was right."

At first, she wasn't sure what to say. Was she always this slow for words? But what came quickly was a vague recollection of Lori telling her the same thing she told herself some time ago. Was this what she meant? If Luna knew, why did it take her so long?

How long has Luna been sitting alone at lunch? What kind of big sister was she?

Rather than stalling, Leni fell back into a hug once more. It was all she knew how to do.

"I can be your friend," was all she could say.

Surprised, Luna couldn't help but smile. To her, it was charming knowing that there would be at least one (more like five) that were willing to be there for her when she needed it.

"Thanks," Luna replied. It wasn't much, but she meant it. And with that, she too returned the hug, not caring if the "sophisticated" girls saw her acting this schmaltzy. Leni, though, hoped that her sister would be enough to make this silly day all worth it.

Right?


	19. Present Happenings

"Now whenever you're talking to someone, it's important to remember connotations," Mrs. Boxer said as she sat with Leni, "Connotations are like synonyms, where there are two or more words that have similar meanings."

"Okay," she said as she twidled her thumbs, her eyes losing focus.

"But just because a word has the same definition doesn't mean that it's exactly the same. Sometimes, a word can remind them of other things and that can make them feel different than what you expected."

Silence.

"What do you mean?"

Indeed, Mrs. Boxer expected this lesson to be difficult. But she also knew that she couldn't keep holding her student back; she really was getting better. Fifth grade has been a wonderful year for Leni.

"It can be hard and everyone has slightly different ways of seeing each word, but there are some that are bound to affect a lot of people," the teacher said as she took out a series of flash cards. Unlike most of the ones she had used in the past, these were merely simple ones bought from a stationary shop as opposed to ones produced by a printing company. Each card had two words written by Mrs. Boxer's own pen.

"Leni, could you look up please?" Mrs. Boxer gently asked. The girl obliged like a robot, "look at these two words 'wet' and 'moist'. Both of them have the same definition, but which one would you rather hear?"

Leni wished she was good at these questions. Even with her progress, she still had difficulties here or there, especially when asked for her opinion. For the first time that day, she felt disappointment. Why couldn't she just give a straight answer?

"Wet," she said, her voice lacking any confidence.

"Hmm. What do you think of when you hear the word 'moist'?" Mrs. Boxer asked, using her finger to point to the word.

To Leni, all she could ask was what kind of question that was. Sure there were some 'bad' words out there, but 'moist' wasn't one of them. Right? It was just another collection of letters that people like her use. Unable to answer, much to her dismay, she shrugged. Was she always this oblivious?, she wondered.

"Very interesting," she replied, "you may not mind it, but there are other kids where 'moist' makes them go crazy. These people say that the word makes them feel uncomfortable," she then placed the card down, "It's okay if you yourself are not bothered by the word, but it's important to remember that others might be. Think about how they feel as you talk to them and ask yourself how they would react to words like that."

Leni found her mind accelerating with confusion and anxiety. It felt like the world was making less sense. Why were there so many rules to conversation? How was Lori able to do it all without going mad? Why was she having these thoughts when they weren't there before? What's going on?

"How," Leni started, raising her arms, "do I, like, know if others like a word or not?"

Mrs. Boxer started shuffling the cards.

"There are a few ways," she started, "One is to listen to the words they use when they talk to you or others. If they feel comfortable saying the word themselves, then more often than not, it'll be okay for _you_ to say it to them. Most words are perfectly fine to say to most people, but if you're ever unsure about one, you could also ask them. If you bring the word up like that, then even if they don't like it, they won't be uncomfortable. In fact, they may even be glad that you care about their feelings enough to ask."

Mrs. Boxer gave off a smile, but Leni was unmoved. She merely sat there and absorbed what her teacher was telling her. All the while, her mind was replaying interactions she could recall off the the top of her head. Now that she was thinking of this, she was forced to dig through those words to see if she had done that very mistake. From what she could remember, no one snapped at her for something she said. Right? Yes, and yet how could she know what she had said. She couldn't remember the _exact_ words she had said. It's not like she had paid attention to the _words_ others were saying. And she certainly never asked other's if they were okay with certain words. How could she _really_ know?

"Let's move on to another example," Mrs. Boxer said as she pulled out yet another flash card, this one with the words 'white' and 'pale'. And as she took in the following questions, she had a mantra playing in the back of her head.

 _"I have a lot of work to do."_

* * *

"Happy Birthday, Lori!" Rita exclaimed as she gave her oldest daughter a hug.

"Mom! Dad!" Lori exclaimed as she felt red tinge her cheeks.

"Sorry," Lynn Sr. said, barely able to contain his excitement, "we're just so proud to have our little girl another year older. Twelve's a big milestone!"

Even as she rolled her eyes, her lips couldn't help but shoot upward.

 _"Good thing the girls aren't here to see this."_

Eventually, Lori was able to separate from her parents. With the morning now underway, Lori decided to grab an apple for breakfast. She wasn't hungry and she knew she could survive skipping a meal, but her parents would be all over her case. Just last week, her Mom had sat her down for a talk about 'puberty' and 'anorexia', issues that posed a greater risk as she was preparing to start junior high. She wasn't willing to draw more of their attention than she was comfortable with.

Lori headed into the living room and looked around. Thankfully, no one was around (a miracle in a place with nine kids). Once she was assured security, she scanned the apple and its shiny red surface. She then pressed it with her fingers, hoping to sink in a little.

 _"It's_ kinda _soft."_

She slowly brought it to her mouth and maneuvered it in an unusual position. She prayed that the surface was as soft as she thought. And then, with wavering uncertainty, she sunk her teeth into it.

Immediately, she recoiled. Her entire mouth seared with agony. Her pupils became dots. She tapped her foot in the hope of making the pain go away. Although it did recede with time, there was a lingering unease that clamped her lips shut, her tongue to hold firm. Lori then looked down to see the apple, where there was a small crater of dimples on a small section. It wasn't even deep enough to make the red skin dangle.

Lori stared longingly at the "bite". She scolded herself, demanding to know why she picked an apple of all foods. Her teeth had been acting up for a while now. She should have known by now that such hard food was hard to eat.

 _"Are you trying to make Mom and Dad discover this?!"_

She shuddered at the repercussions that would come out of that. But then she found a new determination to at least eat the part she had started. She slowly brought the apple and her mouth slowly started to lower. If she went slow enough, it wouldn't hurt, she figured.

"Happy Birthday!"

She shook. The teeth seethed through, ringing new pain. It was too much. Lori dropped the apple on the couch and pressed her hand against her mouth. She couldn't help it this time. She clenched her eyes shut to keep her tears at bay. She fought nearly instinct to keep herself from screaming.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" she heard. In that moment, she dreaded that voice. Why did it have to barge in? Even though she tried to hide her problem, couldn't _she_ take a hint?

The pain was impossible. She couldn't see anything, but she got the last thing she needed. Suffocation.

"I'm sorry I, like, surprised you. Are you okay? I'm sorry."

Lori forced her eyes open to see her little sister smothering her. She used her hand to rub her blurry eyes, puckering her lips to suppress the burning sensation. So much for a happy birthday.

"Leni," she said through the pain. Her voice trembled, "it's fine..." she then groaned as she remembered the more pressing matter, "just don't...tell Mom or Dad."

"I know. You, like, told me," Leni said, her head gently fitted over her big sister's shoulder. For a moment, she replayed the scene that just transpired. Knowing that she had caused that, "But why are you, like, doing this? If your mouth hurts, shouldn't they know about it?"

Lori aggressively shushed her, paranoid that others from the other room would hear. All she heard was commotion, mostly from the younger siblings. As the pain started to fade, she relaxed her lips.

"I told you this as well, Leni," she said, annoyed that she had to repeat something she felt was so elementary, "if they find out, then they'll take me to the dentist and he might give me braces. Do you have any idea what that would do to my reputation?"

Even as they held that hug, largely under Leni's discretion, Lori was irritated by the lingering awfulness her mouth left, even in the absence of damage. Not helping was the silence to isolate this feeling.

"Reputation?" Leni asked.

Lori sighed. To her, today was not the day for Leni to do this to her. Sometimes, she honestly asked herself why her little sister couldn't just get it. Some things just had to be known, given how simple they were. Or at least, to her they seemed that way.

"I could lose all my friends if I got braces," Lori explained, getting nervous as the thought came to mind. While she wasn't fully sure they would betray her, she knew them well enough to know that they could let little things get to them. Oh, this path she has chosen, "they literally make your teeth look nerdy and my friends don't like that. Do you understand?"

Leni felt her eyes widen. She suddenly felt a nasty flare in her chest, a weight that she had to bear. All she could think about was her little sister Luna, whom she had been sitting at lunch with every day for the past two months so she wouldn't feel lonely. Even if Leni herself didn't mind isolation, she had slowly come to realize that her other siblings were quite bothered to not have someone to play with or talk to; they always needed someone other than family that liked (or loved) them. And the least she could do, or so she figured, was to support her other siblings' efforts to maintain their friendships.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to comfort her big sister.

Lori sighed.

"You haven't done anything wrong," she said, resigned as she ran her hand up and down Leni's back. At this point, her mouth was numb, "just remember to not tell them...and don't surprise me when I'm trying to eat."

As Lori was contemplating whether her problem had worsened from that incident, Leni suddenly pulled herself away, leaving the older Loud to see her face.

"Happy Birthday, Lori," she said gently.

Now that she could see Leni's face, she couldn't help but feel stricken by it. She never expected that her sister was able to produce an expression like that. Sure, there was a small smile, but the corners of her lips were barely tucked, as if they could easily slip away. And her eyes carried this heaviness that Lori could only conclude was a disproportionate flourish of regret.

 _"I didn't yell at her, did I?"_

At first, she wanted to say something about it, see if she could get to the bottom of this. Was Leni hiding something? Did someone see her lack of friends, her social awkwardness, her slow mind and start taking advantage of her? If anything was wrong, wouldn't Leni or someone else have already publicized it? But after a little consideration, Lori jumped to the conclusion that she was simply overreading all of this. Even though she was supportive of her little sister, she still conceded that Leni wasn't good at showing her emotions; any effort to do so could easily end up looking unnatural or ghastly, even if the feeling was genuine.

"Thank you," she said. And, in addition, "I love you."

Hopefully that should be enough, she figured. Leni got up, still holding that face, and headed upstairs. Lori watched as this happened. She wondered if her sister had only gone downstairs to speak to her and was now heading back to do whatever. Lori noticed that ever since Leni got that sewing machine, she had been spending more time in their room working away. Sure she still came down to play with her siblings, but the others were starting to see less and less of their second oldest sister.

Lori thought to herself that on one hand, this experienxe definitely produced results. With the help of a help book, her Mom, and a (lot) of practice, Leni had become remarkably proficient at sewing; by now, she was able to make shirts of at least four different sizes and styles. While she did find it annoying to have a bunch of extra shirts lying around, she couldn't help but admire her sister's acquired skill.

But on the other hand, even with her improved social skills, she found that Leni wasn't utilizing them much more than she had in the past. Lori felt that her sister could easily make friends (given her kind heart and fixation with clothes) if she could just come out of her shell. It was right there, and yet there was little drive to reach there. Sometimes, Lori was consumed with the question of why. Does Leni even know what she could be? Of what "better" life was waiting over the wall?

 _"She should be spending time with us!_ _It's my birthday for crying out Loud!... Dang it, Luan!"_

With a newfound determination, Lori got up (not even bothering with the apple) and ascended the stairs to their room. Along the way, she noticed the ladder leading to the attic was exposed. Lori made a B-line towards those wooden creaky steps, hoping that she wasn't gonna find something her expectations conjured.

But upon reaching that part of the House, she didn't find anyone. Her eyes raced across the room, trying to spot some lumps. Her ears became attentive as they tried to make out noises, particularly of shuffling. When nobody appeared in the vicinity, Lori proceeded to walk around, seeing if anyone was hiding. In her search, she unveiled various tarps and moved some boxes, common hiding spots. But nothing.

 _"Looks like she already left,"_ she thought, _"Figures that she forgot to close it."_

After one last scan, she exited, making sure to close the hatch upon reaching the bottom step. But then, she felt a pit in her stomach re-emerge. She knew full well what the date was. Possibilities swirled as she contemplated the reasons Leni could have been up there. Did she parouse? Did she take anything? How is she feeling?

And then she walked towards their room. Each step was more difficult to take than the last. While she couldn't hear anything new as she got closer, her heart rate accelerated. Did she want to see what was behind that door? Once she was in front of the wooden barrier, she held her hand out. It initially just stood there like an unmoving statue. She tried to make out any sort of sound she could. She thought she could hear some buzzing, but her mind was too preoccupied to think through what it could have been. But then, in a hasty motion, she opened it.

Inside, she saw Leni's back. Behind her was the sewing machine at work along with some elongated fabric hanging off the desk. The soft pounding the machine produced as it nailed in each stitch was a calming drone that even Lori had to admire. But then she snapped out of it, realizing that Leni continued to work, as if she didn't even hear the door opening.

"Leni," she said.

All she heard was the drone. She was in her bubble, Lori supposed. She then wondered whether she should pop it.

 _"Would that make me a hypocrite?"_ she asked herself, _"Dang it, stupid teeth!"_

But what would happen if she didn't? At least Leni doesn't have to hide an orthodontist's nightmare. And besides, Lori noticed that her sister's nightstand had its drawer open. It was just hanging there, begging all sorts of questions.

But on the other hand, she didn't want to startle her. She really didn't want to go through the trouble of explaining herself. Not on a day like this. She figured that Leni would come down on her own time and on her own terms. She had to at some point. And that notion was reinforced when she noticed something on her bed, a thing covered in wrapping paper.

Lori reluctantly sighed and closed the door. She slowly headed back down, making sure to move gradually enough so that any new sound would be detected. None amounted.

Once back in the living room, Lori plopped herself on the couch. That stupid Apple was still there. Trying to ignore that fruit, she grabbed the remote and flipped on the television. Not much was on Saturday mornings. Aside from reality shows. She flipped to one of those weight loss stories. Lori had seen a few of them.

They were usually about some grown up (usually a woman, with the occasional man) wanting to drop a few sizes so they can fit into that fancy dress they went to prom in. Deep down, Lori wasn't a fan of them; they were formulaic and manipulative, trying to suck whatever emotion it could through the most eye-rolling tactics she had ever seen. Some days, she wished she could see something that was truly heartfelt, something she could touch with her hand and feel true acceptance. But her friends had other interests.

She lied down and just let the show play, not really paying attention to it. Twelve years old. Oldest child. Here she was, trying to fit in and be someone everyone (especially her younger siblings) could respect. Her parents have already been discussing letting her babysit now that she was becoming mature. She guessed that was cool. She had even sounded excited when they brought up the prospect. Soon, she could boast to all her friends that she didn't have a sibling problem like they did. And that was exciting. That's what would bring a thrill. Right?

"Move over! The Lions are gonna play soon!" Lynn exclaimed as she jammed herself on the couch's edge and switched the channel.

Lori lethargically moaned, her body unwilling to move.

"You're taking up the whole thing! Move!" Lynn whined, kicking Lori's feet. The older Loud reluctantly condensed her form, allowing her little sister to cozy herself. Lori gazed at the screen where two commentators were throwing out names and numbers that had no meaning to her. This wasn't heartfelt either.

"Lori!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed, "could you join me and your mother for a minute?"

The oldest Loud slowly got up and moved, not looking at her younger sister or the screen. She detected the location just from the sound, a place she or the other siblings rarely entered: her parents' room. It was uncharted territory stuffed in the corner of the main level, a mystery to most. It was a simple space, sure, but even Lori was astonished to absorb each nook and cranny the room had to offer. And there on the master bed were the two parents, smiling at her.

"Well, as you requested," Lynn Sr. said as he produced a wrapped package from under the bed, "none of your siblings will be drawn to it. Unless you want to show it off to them, of course."

Lori was handed the package and felt the flexible, soft surface. It was like magic. She wasn't in the mood, yet it was exactly what she asked for. Mom and Dad were good parents. At least they kept their promise.

"Thanks," Lori said, without smiling.

"Your father and I were gonna go on a 'date' this Friday," Rita said, exaggerating her finger movements, "We'll let you try it out. And remember, it's okay if you're not up to it. Most kids around here don't start babysitting until they're thirteen or fourteen."

This time, she worried that if she didn't reply in a timely manner, her parents would get concerned. And so she nodded.

"No. I think I've got it," Lori replied, bringing the package close to her chest, "And thanks again."

"Anything for our birthday girl," Lynn Sr. said, smiling.

To prevent the conversation from running any longer, Lori exited the room. Besides, her mind was already contemplating how to get this thing to her room without the others noticing. They would see it, with time. She slipped through the corridor, her eyes focused on the presence of other siblings. She maneuvered herself, trying to avoid notice. Thankfully, she made it all the way to the stairs without garnering any of their attention, not even the erratic Lynn. Lori slid up the stairs, her eyes again focused on the presence (or absence) of Louds. Fortunately, she made it already back to their room without being questioned about anything. A miracle, indeed.

Inside, she saw Leni working on her bed with wrapping paper. She was trying to cover a dress with the stuff, again the door's sound failing to throw her off. It was then that Lori understood what was happening and she tried to work her way around her sister to sit on her own bed. With her face to the wall and window, Lori grasped the package she had. She briefly eyed it before ripping through the wrapping paper.

Sure enough, the promise was kept. It was a plastic bag with a Halloween costume inside. It was a drill sergeant costume for girls with all the pieces included. It had the boots, the hat, sunglasses, and even a functional whistle. It was remarkable that her parents were able to get a complete costume like this in the middle of April. She even felt bad that she didn't thank her parents even more than she did.

 _"This isn't overkill,"_ Lori thought, trying to reassure herself, _"This will make me respected_. This _will make me special."_

She then opened the bag and pulled out all the pieces. Sure it wasn't real leather. Sure it wasn't the best fabric. But it got the effect across. And with that, she turned to her sister, who was finishing wrapping her dress.

"Well, Leni," she said, trying to put on the best cocky accent she could, "I'll have you know that Mom and Dad are gonna start trusting _me_ to babysit you all," she boasted as she placed a hand over her chest, "so you and all the others are gonna start doing what I say and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Lori then tucked her lips into a smug-ish smile. She even tried popping her chin. But upon looking down, noticing that Leni's face was blank. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but it bothered her more than usual.

"I have some presents for you," Leni said plainly as she made her way over and handed her two packages, "I hope you like them."

Did she not realize the news? Why wasn't it working, Lori wondered. Perhaps because it wasn't Friday yet. But still...

Lori grabbed the two presents. She took the top one and opened it. It was a simple blue dress, just her color. The texture was soft, she noticed rather quickly. None of the stitches seemed out of place; the whole thing felt like a natural connected piece. While she was unsure whether it was the right size, she couldn't blame her if it wasn't quite right. After all, she never asked her for her measurements. And anyhow, she admired how much her sister loves her, that she poured all this time into makin such a fine dress. And to think she was almost eleven years old.

"Thanks Leni," Lori said, smiling, "this is such a wonderful dress."

But her sister didn't smile back. To Lori, that was weird. Even Leni smiled when she saw someone in her family do it too. It was a mixture of genuine affection for family and a compulsion to imitate what she saw. What was going on? Did she simply forget to do that?

Lori then brought her attention to the second present. It was a noticeably similar shape. Not willing to hesitate and potentially hurt Leni's feelings, she opened the present and her eyes widened. It was...also a blue dress. She grabbed it and it was _just_ as soft as the other, _just_ the same amount of stitching, _just_ the same size. It was, as far as she was concerned, the same dress in every way.

 _"Please don't tell me,"_

"Leni..." she said, holding the dress, concerned, "why did you make the same dress twice?"

And then, she noticed Leni's eyes darting back and forth. Her lips even curled inward, forming an overall awkward expression. She scratched her head, moved around. For the better part of five seconds, it was nothing but nonverbal communication. What was she trying?

"Well," she said, "I, like, wanted you to have two. That way if, like, something bad happened to one...then, like,...um..." she paused and scratched her head, her eyes moving a mile a minute the whole time, "like, you would have another to wear."

Silence then enveloped the two. Lori immediately assumed that Leni was lying. She knew her sister was never good at it, let alone hold a conversation. Why would she even try to do that? It was then that the notion struck her again. Did this have to do with...what April 23 meant? It must have. Why else would there be two dresses?

But then she looked into Leni's eyes. Was she about to make things more awkward than they already were? Was she about to draw attention away from the fact that her sister loved her enough to make her two beautiful dresses? She already had enough on her mind. And anyhow, this conversation could be set for another day.

 _"I will get back to her on this,"_ Lori told herself. And then she thought once more about all the clothing she got for her birthday, dresses and costume aside.

And with that, she got up and hugged her little sister.

"Thanks," Lori said, "you're fantastic at making dresses."

And pulled back.

Leni appeared stunned at first. She was surprised that someone other than herself would initiate a hug, especially Lori of all people. The older Loud understood that confusion. Even she was stunned that she did that. To think that she would be that mushy of a big sister. She was supposed to be an authority.

"I love you, Lori," Leni then said, finally smiling.

And that made Lori grin in return. There was the Leni she knew. There was the Leni she wanted.


	20. Day Trip

Vanzilla hummed along the damp highway. Leni stared out the window, captivated by the individual raindrops slide down the glass surface. She envisioned them as shooting stars in a night sky, moving in distinct paths at varying speeds. To her, it was magical how they were able to do that even though they were made of the same water, falling on comparable positions on the window. And yet, they always managed to find their own unique travel to arrive at a individual destiny.

She and Rita were the only ones in the vehicle, the two of them sitting next to each other in the front. Leni recalled her mother saying something about this, but was ashamed by her inability to remember. Meanwhile, Rita was grateful for her husband, who agreed to pick up the kids and _walk_ them home.

"So, like, where are we going?" Leni asked, particularly confused. It was a school day, yet she specifically was pulled out.

"I told you. We're gonna visit Dr. Henry," Rita said gently.

"Doctor? Am I, like, sick? I don't feel tired or woozy or, like, bad," Leni replied, suddenly concerned.

Rita giggled, much to her daughter's confusion.

"You're fine, Leni. The one we're seeing is a different type of doctor, not like Dr. Tyson," Rita said. On cue, she slowed down to yield to a traffic jam ahead. She used this opportunity to face her daughter, "This isn't the first time we've seen Dr. Henry. When you were little, we saw him quite a lot."

Leni perked her head, a mannerism she had been getting more acquainted with in recent months. Now she was lost. She didn't remember anything about a 'Dr. Henry' and here her mother was saying otherwise. She figured she must have been _really_ young or...she didn't want to ruin the morning already.

"What do you mean?" Leni asked.

"He helped your father and I understand you better."

The car in front of them pushed forward, allowing Rita to nudge Vanzilla. Once she was anchored, she turned back to Leni. She was back to focusing on the raindrops. Was that enough to answer the question? It seemed that way; Leni did have a way of investing herself in things she finds amusing. Rita then shifted her focus back to the traffic.

"You needed a special doctor to, like, figure me out?" Leni asked in a plain voice, however the curiosity was apparent to Rita.

"Yes," Rita replied.

The rain picked up in fervor, allowing the drops to clatter against the window like marbles. Leni must have had quite the spectacle to witness, the mother thought.

"Oh," Leni said. And then, she turned from the wet window to see her mother, "Couldn't I have just, like, told you like Lori or Luan or my other sisters and brother what I like and stuff?"

A pause.

"Well...when you were younger, things were differe-"

"I like clothes. I like making clothes and touching clothes and feeling clothes. I love Lori and Luna and Luan and Lynn and Linky and Lucy and Lana and Lana and you and Dad. I like those girls in my school that wear clothes and, like, talk about clothes and talk to me. I like Mrs. Boxer and Mrs. Johnson because they are nice to me and teach me nice things and I always try to remember those things because that's what they care about and they want me to do good and be good."

Rita was baffled by how quickly Leni was speaking. She had never seen her talk with such drive over such a long period. Not to mention her eyes penetrating the space separating them, such a direct stare.

"I understand you very well, Leni. Over these past few years, you have made remarkable progress," Rita said, giving Leni a smile, "I know you can tell others who you are and what makes you special."

Any marker of Rita's laughter was reined in as she tried displaying a direct approach. Her daughter picked up quickly. All she could see was her mother shifting her focus between her and the road in front of her.

"But it wasn't always that way," Rita added.

As Leni looked at her mother's serious expression, she herself tried piecing together whatever she remembered. Now that she thought about it, she started to wonder why Mrs. Boxer didn't teach anyone else in any of her classes.

"Tell me more," Leni said, staring at Rita.

The mother turned to her daughter at the next halt from traffic. The convenience of this long traffic jam briefly floated in her mind before returning to the ground. She then gave a small, supportive smile.

"Okay," she said, using this opportunity to place a hand on Leni's shoulder. By now, the eleven-year old was sitting upright, head turned to her mother.

"The first time you came home from the hospital, you were the cutest thing me or your father could have asked for. It was so exciting for us all to have you around. We treated you and Lori with the same amount of love and care and she just couldn't get enough of you. And for a while, everything seemed fine,"

Rita then chuckled as she remembered some adorable antics the two infants got into, much of it flying over Leni's head. Once she noticed that her daughter wasn't smiling, she cleared her throat and continued.

"But then when you were about a year old, we started noticing things that weren't...normal," she then paused. Rita knew that Leni, while not always showing it, could pick up things from even the smallest oversights; she understood that each word had to be carefully chosen.

"Things would happen and you wouldn't react. One time, you were in the kitchen and I was making you breakfast. I dropped a whole bunch of pans and it made a big sound throughout the whole house. Your father was sleeping and he jumped out of bed, thinking a robber broke in," she then looked directly at her daughter, "you didn't even flinch."

Traffic started clearing up, forcing Rita to take her eyes off her attentive daughter.

"Go on," she heard Leni say.

A brief pause as she got Vanzilla moving.

"But it wasn't just that," Rita said, her voice dampening, "you almost never wanted to play with Lori and after Luna was born, you didn't want to spend time with her either."

Leni was immediately conflicted. Vague images began surfacing, ones she wasn't aware of before. While they barely told a story on their own, her mother's words bridged this gap well. Too well for Leni's comfort.

"But I, like, love my sisters and Linky," she said.

"I know you do. You're a very loving person, Leni. But back then, there were times where you were in your own world, away from it all."

The girl then started pouring through all those daydream sessions she had, all those extra seconds she spent doing things.

"And then we tried teaching you how to talk. We would spend hours using the same things we used to help Lori, but we couldn't even get a sound out of you," she said, starting to get anxious by the possibility of an unexpected reaction, "Eventually, we took you to Dr. Tyson and had you examined. He had some ideas of what was going on, but this wasn't something he could do by himself. He's not _that_ type of doctor. So he sent you to Dr. Henry, special Doctor, and he figured out what was going on."

By then, the traffic was mostly clear and Vanzilla was moving at a steady pace. The wheel's contact with the pavement and rain's with the windows were the only audible sound.

"Wait," Leni said, finally making a connection, "is this about that weird word that you and Dad, like, use sometimes when you're talking about me?"

"Yes, honey," Rita replied, trying her best to keep her eyes on the road, "because of him, we found out that you have autism."

Leni already noticed how connections were penetrating her mind; memories that were once isolated episodes were now interlinked to larger trends. But this was the one theme that she felt encompassed a lot of what she experienced. All in one, silly-sounding word.

"So why are we going back?" Leni asked innocently, "Did they, like, find something else wrong with me?"

Rita's eyes widened as she felt her heart jumped and hands gripped to the steering wheel. She was grateful there were no nearby cars, otherwise she wasn't sure what might have happened.

"Leni Loud," she said, trying to ground her voice amongst her shaky breathing and firm lips, "there is _nothing_ wrong with you. You have your own way of thinking and seeing the world. Just because it's different from other kids doesn't make it wrong or less valuable. And you have come so far in making others appreciate all the wonderful things you are. You have blown us away and no words can ever tell you how proud I am of you!"

On cue, Vanzilla approached another spot of heavy traffic, allowing Rita to stop and face her daughter.

"Do you wanna know who else is blown away by you?" Rita asked, softening her lips into that of a reassuring smile.

Her daughter's attentive stare said it all.

"Dr. Henry."

"What?" Leni said, confused, "He's a doctor and, like, really smart. How could he be surprised at anything?"

"Smart people don't know everything and they can't see into the future," Rita said, occasionally monitoring the highway, "When he first saw you, he was worried that you wouldn't get very far. He thought that at most, all you would ever be able to say would be one or two words. But what he didn't know was how much you, your father, and myself wanted you to overcome that."

Rita then turned back to Leni, who had an indiscernible expression. And so, she smiled again and continued. By then, the road had cleared up.

"We found out when you were pretty young, so we were able to act early," Rita said, finding a smile to give herself, "Thankfully, your Dad and I knew tons of people that were able to help you. Remember Maddy?"

Leni was unable to answer, but that name did generate a fleeting image of an older woman with jet black hair. Was that her down there? Deep in the subconscious?

"She came to the house three times a week and worked with you. She taught you how to read and talk," she said.

By now, Leni's cheeks were red hot and her tummy was full of butterflies. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she could easily tell that this was not something she could be peaceful for. Was it embarrassment? Shame? Pride? Why couldn't she figure it out?

"Maddy adored you and loved helping you. But at the end of the day, you were the one that pulled it off," Rita said, recollecting the times she watched over those sessions, "You had this determination to learn how to talk. We were all amazed by how hard you worked. And...well, here we are."

She turned the steering wheel as Vanzilla zoomed off the exit into Detroit. During all of this, there was silence. Rita was consumed by a worry. Does her daughter understand how remarkable she is?

"Can we see her on the way home?" Leni asked. Thankfully, nothing in her voice suggested sadness, "I want to thank her for helping me?"

While her immediate concern was at bay, Rita still felt her spirit dampen. Not that she let it show.

"Sadly, we can't see her in person. She moved away a couple years ago," Rita said softly, "but I still talk to her on the phone and she thinks of you every day. You continue to inspire her even now. She's usually busy during the week so if you want, we can call her this weekend and you can talk to her."

"Okay," Leni said calmly.

For the next minute or so, Rita concentrated specifically on the road. The city was filled with care, low speed limits, pedestrians, and traffic lights. Despite living relatively close, the Louds rarely ventured into Detroit, only going in for day trips. Rita was ashamed by her discomfort with driving in a place that lacked the familiarity of Royal Woods.

"So when we get to Dr. Henry's office," Rita said while stopped at a red light, "he's just gonna do some tests with you to see how you've been doing."

Leni, though, was too absorbed by the sights outside the window to listen. Rita, though, simply attributed it to excitement of being in 'the big city'.

Soon enough, they arrived at the children's hospital. It was a large building wrapped in stainless glass windows. The gray clouds dampened the reflection. Right outside the main entrance was a large blue statue of two stick figures holding hands. Leni admired this simple, yet fitting piece of architecture. Once they found a spot in the parking garage, they headed in a special entrance in a different wing of the building.

The lobby was a colorful room. The walls had rainbows, animals, and smiles painted across, immediately capturing Leni's focus. Rita smiled at her daughter's erratic head movements as they made their way to the counter, where a smiling man was seated.

"Good morning, how may I help you," the receptionist said.

"Hi," Rita replied, "we're here to see Dr. Henry."

"Your child's name?"

"Leni Loud."

The man proceeded to tap the name into a nearby computer. Sure enough, all the appropriate information appeared.

"Okay, yes," he said, giving a smile, "Dr. Henry will see you shortly. Feel free to make yourself comfortable in the lobby."

"Thank you," Rita replied. She then offered Leni her hand and the two walked over to two open seats. The room was fairly empty; they and the receptionist were the only occupants on that morning. Once they were settled, Rita pulled a yellow notebook and a pen out of her purse. She opened to where she left off and wrote in it. Unfortunately, the process had been slowing down for her. Just yesterday, she got a burst of ideas dropping all over the page. Now, she was all tapped out and was practically squeezing her creative fibers for new content. Oh, the agony.

"Are you, like, having another baby?"

Rita perked up to see Leni staring intently on the bright yellow covers. It didn't take long for her to connect the dots.

"No, honey," Rita said, shaking her head, "we're gonna wait a few more months before that...process starts."

She then started scribbling lines onto the page, meaningless strokes to give the impression of progress. The mother lamented the lack of ideas. Why was everything so devoid of excitement?

"Then what are you writing?" Leni asked, her eyes continuing to drill into the object of interest. In that moment, none of the colorful paintings on the walls could have drawn her focus anywhere else.

"Oh...this is just for...um...work," Rita replied timidly. Now was a time more than ever for new ideas, "just keeping track of all that stuff."

"Oh..." Leni said, her voice dropping off. She then turned to look around the room. Rita briefly observed her daughter, making sure she was settled, and then she returned to her book, the pen frozen above the white surface.

Meanwhile, Leni passed the time mostly through sitting. There were some toys strewn about the room, but she had no interest in them. She gazed at the walls, her Mom, the man behind the reception counter. She pressed her hands together, played with her fingers, tapped her feet, the usual stuff. And through all that, her mind running wild with commentary. There was much she wanted to tak through by herself.

"Leni."

The Louds turned their attention to the voice. Emerging from a door was an older man with gray curly hair and thick black glasses. The defining feature, though, was the badge he wore around his neck. Rita got up and shook his hand.

"Dr. Henry, glad to see you again," she said.

"The same can be said for yourself," he answered warmly. The man then walked towards Leni, who was silently seated, staring at him with a blank face, "Good morning Leni. It's been a while since I've last seen you."

Leni sheepishly stared up at the man standing before her.

"Hello Dr. Henry," she said slowly, even allowing her lips to gradually curl into a smile.

"Your Mom has told me a lot about all the great things you're up to these days," he said, smiling as well, "my grandniece is crazy about fashion. She reads all the magazines, see what new clothes are _in_. She always comes to school dressed to impress. I think she would love to meet you."

Hearing that made the girl's eyes glow, always a good sign to Dr. Henry.

"I like clothes and I make them too," Leni said, the excitement gently lifting her voice.

"I think that's wonderful," he said before turning to Rita. After a momentary glance, he shifted back to the young girl, "we're gonna head to my office now and do some tests. Okay?"

Leni nodded, another gesture she was growing used to.

The girl got up and walked alongside Dr. Henry. Once they caught up to Rita, she took up her daughter's other side and the trio headed through the door.

The hallway was remarkably narrow, the walls saturated with navy blue. For the most part, it was a typical hallway. The only noticeable point of interest was a section where one side was covered in transparent windows. Leni peered through them and saw what appeared to be a ball pit and net above it all. To her, it looked like the perfect playground.

Eventually, the group turned into a relatively large room. The ceilings had blinding fluorescent lights, the walls were the purest shade of white possible. The space was divided into three corners. One had a desk, full with a computer, mini bulletin board, and book shelf overseeing it. In another was a bed that Leni recalled seeing in Dr. Tyson's office. And yet another was a blue leather couch. The one entity connecting these sectors was a prominent circular table in the room's center, stocked with boxes, folders, and papers.

Dr. Henry invited Rita to take a seat on the couch while he and Leni settled at the round table.

"Okay, Leni," he said as he grabbed one of the little boxes. Inside were a bunch of colored wooden blocks, which he spread across the table, "we're gonna play a game."

"Okay," Leni simply said.

"I'm gonna show you a bunch of pictures and I want you to move around these blocks so that they look like the picture. Does that make sense?" Dr. Henry said.

Leni glanced at the collection before her. She then nodded.

"Alright, then," he said. He then took out a packet and passed the first page over. It was a picture of nine squares of various colors and arrangement.

Leni stared at it for a few seconds before glancing down at the block. She slowly raised her hand and grabbed one block, an orange. She pinched it as she looked at the table, trying to determine where to place it within the blank space. Soon enough, she decisively planted it in the middle of the open space. This process repeated for each of the parts as she gradually assembled the creation. During all of this, Dr. Henry observed her and scribbled into a clipboard. After a minute, she correctly arranged all the squares.

"Very good," the doctor said upon Leni's completion, "Now, here's another one."

He then flipped to another page before handing it back. It was a different configuration, but it used the same nine blocks. At first, the girl wasn't certain how to proceed. She just stared blankly at the picture, her mind not really moving. In her complacency, she gazed at Dr. Henry and caught him bringing his pen to his clipboard.

 _"What's he writing in that thing?"_

Was it something bad, something that reinforced the fact that there was something wrong with her? And who could forget her mother, who was spectating from behind. What was she thinking about all this? How would she react if she read whatever this doctor was jotting down? To Leni, these thoughts caused her heart to accelerate and for her mind to wake. Her eyes frantically went to the diagram and she forced her hands to move quickly. She couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop. It must have taken less than half the time for her to complete this diagram correctly.

There were about eighteen more of these problems. While Leni found herself able to solve them in a reasonable amount of time, she kept staring back at Dr. Henry, seeing if he was writing in that ominous brown clipboard. Whenever there was a point where she was idle for even a few seconds, panic seeped its way in, forcing her to respond. Luckily, she got most of the diagrams correct.

"Very good," he said. But Leni knew that was the same thing he said after each problem. Now that the test was over, was there more to say? Was that all?, "Now, I want you to take a seat up there," he said, pointing to the bed. The girl obliged and did so. Dr. Henry went to his desk and opened one of the cabinets. He quickly pulled out a white, hammer-like instrument.

"Next, I'm going to test your reflexes. I'm gonna tap you very lightly with this," he said. Her eyes then averted from him, opting to focus on her supportive mom. She suddenly felt her chest squeeze itself tightly, "Don't worry, it's rubber. You'll barely feel it."

Leni then saw her mother smile.

"It's okay, honey. He's not gonna hurt you," she said warmly.

It took her a moment to internalize that. Leni still felt nerves pulling at her, telling her that the hammer was much harder than it was (or at least looked). Dr. Henry could clearly see her anxiety and gently touched her hand. This contact sent shockwaves through the girl's body. She was thrown off by how soft the doctor's hand felt. It was soothing. She gradually felt her heart slow, her nerves loosen, her mind to relax. She turned her head to him, seeing his reassuring face. He looked a man that was only trying to help. And so she gave in.

He hovered the hammer over her knee and tapped it. Sure enough, the bottom half of the leg popped up appropriately. Dr. Henry then went to the other knee and repeated the process, to a similar result. Just what we hoped to see. He then did this to various points on her body, each tap immediately met with a visual and proportionate reaction. All he could think was the dramatic improvement from when he did this when Leni was a baby, where there was little to no jerking movement.

"Very good," he said upon completion, "Now on to the next test."

Throughout the morning, Dr. Henry conducted a series of examinations on Leni. Most of them involved the two sitting at the table working with paper. Leni was tested on her communication, identification of faces, and reading comprehension. To her, this largely felt like a session with Mrs. Boxer, only that she wasn't learning anything new. Sprinkled into this morning were tests that involved moving around the room and out in the hallway. She was asked to walk around, touch certain points on her body, stand up straight, and other odd requests.

As Leni performed these tasks, she felt comfortable completing them successfully. But she kept finding herself noticing Dr. Henry's clipboard. It seemed that every motion, every sound, every second she was in his sight warranted _something_ being written in that thing. It was a question that burnt in her mind, a parasite that wouldn't go away. What was it about her that made him have to document it? Was she doing something wrong? Was she a freak of nature in his eyes?

"Alright. That's the last of them," he eventually said with a smile, "you two are free to sit at the table. This shouldn't take more than a few minutes."

Dr. Henry sat down at his desk. He scribbled down some last second observations on the clipboard before turning to his computer. He opened up a special program and began typing his findings into it.

Meanwhile, Leni twidled her thumbs as she sat at the table. Rita grinned as she was beside her.

"You were great," Rita whispered to her daughter. Leni, though, barely acknowledged it.

The next few minutes were without words. Leni had no desire of starting a conversation. Her thoughts swirled around clothes and clipboards.

 _"Did Mom just take me here to see me mess up?"_

At one point, Leni glanced at her mother. She appeared to be the same loving figure she's known as long as she could remember. Her mom would never make her feel bad about herself, right?

The silence was eventually ceased when Dr. Henry got up from his chair with his clipboard and claimed a seat at the table.

"Leni," he said. The girl shot up, staring at him, "you did remarkably well on all the tests," his vision expanded to also include Rita, "Leni has improved in every aspect. Her reflexes and motor skills are up to par, her cognition and reasoning have gotten better, her speech and reading are well on their way to being up to that of her peers."

Rita's smile grew as more of this news was revealed, as was Dr. Henry's.

"I must say," he continued, "you Louds have proven me wrong. And I've never been happier to not be right."

"Thank you, Dr. Henry," Rita replied. She then gestures to Leni and nudged her shoulder. Leni snapped herself to attention.

"Thank you...Doctor," she said slowly.

"If I may, I would like to speak to you alone out in the hallway," he said, pointing to his clipboard.

Rita nodded her head. She briefly grinned at Leni, to assure her that she trusted her, before following the doctor into the hallway. The room felt empty. Leni's eyes graced through various corners of the room, trying to find some entertainment from the dry setup. She then tried thinking of clothes, what new designs she could develop. Oh, the number of colors and fabrics there were to choose from. She figured she could make a dress for Luna or a T-shirt for Lincoln. They would love that, right.

But then she heard something, some mumbling. That buzzing sensation in her ears quickly caught her attention. She jerked her head back towards the long white wall. It was louder from this vantage point. Curious, Leni got up and pressed her ear against the settled plaster.

"Her progress has been impressive," she heard Dr. Henry say, "I'll forward it to the school where they can then make recommendations."

"Do you think she may not need an IEP anymore?"

"Not right now. I don't think her skills are quite developed enough yet. But I would urge Mrs. Boxer to start teaching her more advanced concepts. And I don't think she'll need to see me again. I also think if she keeps improving, I would say she would be all set to end her Plan at the end of tenth grade."

"What do you think they should focus on for her?"

"Mostly comprehension skills. I feel as if her reading and math skills need the most work. Do you know how's she been doing in school for those subjects?"

Ow"Yes...those are two subjects she's been struggling with. She's not failing, but she needs a lot of help to understand the concepts."

"Hmm. Perhaps Mrs. Boxer can help her out with that on top of speech therapy. Of course, this also ties into cognitive and reasoning skills. Whatever help you can give her will be ideal. But overall, she is on a good track. She should be proud of herself."

A pause.

"I'm...astonished by her. Especially in the last year or two, she's really been blossoming. I got her a sewing machine last year and already, she can make clothes. She even made Lori a dress for her birthday."

"I'm quite glad to hear that. It's good that she's finding a hobby and pursuing it. If I were you, I would encourage her to use that passion to get involved and make friends. I have a feeling a lot of kids her age share that interest and would be happy to use that to befriend her."

"I feel the same way. And she's so friendly that I have no doubt she can easily become liked too. Lately, she has been speaking up more and she's been telling me about these girls she started talking to...I'm glad she's been opening up a little, but her interactions are still limited...I haven't seen any of these girls come over our House to hang out. I gave her a cell phone a while back and she doesn't have any of their numbers on it."

"Just give her time. Sociability can develop slowly in those on the spectrum. She may really like these girls, but it may not be in her nature to interact with others."

"Do you think it's something Mrs. Boxer could help her out with?"

"Only to a fault. Speech therapy can help somewhat, but I think she also needs additional encouragement. Keep asking her about her interactions. Keep praising her when she makes a new friend. Make her feel comfortable doing it. It may not happen overnight, but I think she can do it."

"Thank you Dr. Henry."

She then softly heard footsteps and a door hinge swinging open.

"Okay Leni, are you ready to head out," Rita said, now holding a stack of papers. Leni obediently joined her mother and stood by her side.

"Leni, it's been wonderful working with you," Dr. Henry said, smiling, "you have exceeded my expectations. I want you to know that you have a great future ahead of you."

Leni gazed at him before mirroring his grin.

"Thank you," she said gently.

The three of them wave goodbye and head out. Even as she followed her mother out, Leni kept her eyes on Dr. Henry's supportive figure as she moved away from him, letting him and the (distant) memories of him shrink from view. Once she could no longer see him, she turned her focus forward.

The walk to Vanzilla and much of the drive back was without note. By now, school was out for the day.

 _"Thanks Lynn."_

Fortunately, Royal Woods was relatively close from Detroit. Much of the weather had cleared up, leaving the sky to be a dry gray. Still, Leni found herself gazing out the window, watching the cars roaring along the pavement, the buildings, trees, signs, and other landmarks they raced by. However, in a surprise, Rita deliberately made a pit stop. It was in a parking lot outside the grocery store.

"We just have to pick up a couple things before dinner," Rita announced as she got out of the car. Leni followed her in.

To her, the grocery store had always been a boring place to go to. There were no clothes to be felt anywhere, most of the food items were things she didn't even like, there was nothing to do, and there was nowhere to sit. Leni just saw the grocery store as a place to stand around and wait for Mom to find what she needed. She hoped that this time, mom was telling the truth when she said "couple things".

The two of them were parked in the paper towels aisle. Given the short lifespan of the stuff (and toilet paper), no Loud trip to the store would ever be finished without a stop by this section. To pass the time, Leni leaned against some of the items. She tried thinking more about clothes, of what types she would make next. She thought more about Luna's new dress. But then she remembered Luan, whose birthday was technically next in the calendar year. She lamented how she could overlook a member of her own family. What kind of big sister was she?

"Rita!"

"Eileen!"

Leni was drawn from her thoughts once more as she saw two people approach her mother. One of them was a woman about Rita's age with black hair. She smiled as she waved 'hi' and started talking to her. The other was a boy about her age. He had a white t-shirt, red sweat pants, and unruly brown hair. What Leni noticed, however, was the black tablet he carried in his hand. The boy found himself wandering around the vicinity, touching most of the parcels neatly stacked on the shelves.

"Hey Leni," Rita said cheerfully, "do you remember Derek? You two went to preschool together."

Leni saw the boy still picking through individual items, his back facing her. She nervously wove to him.

"Derek, honey," Eileen said, smiling. On cue, the boy dropped a mini package of toilet paper, letting it fall on the tile floor. He then stumbled as he turned to face all of them. Eileen then gestured to the girl on the other side. By now, Leni had her Ducky arms up.

"This is Leni," his mother said, "you two knew each other a long time ago," she then stared at him and threw up her open palm, "Say 'hi' to her."

"Hi Derek," Leni said, softly curling her lips into a smile.

The boy stared at her. For a solid ten seconds, the two made eye contact. Leni simply smiled, hoping that would encourage him to open up. After all, Dr. Henry said himself that time is the ingridient to conversation and friendship. Indeed, Derek eventually held up the tablet and used one of his fingers to tap on it. She waited happily as he did this.

"Hi. There," a voice said. It was monotonous and detached, however the boy's mouth wasn't even moving. He simply held his finger in midair as he stared at the tablet's screen. He was frozen for several seconds, his face clearly indicating concentration.

Then, the rest of his fingers unbended, forming his hand into a single shape. While holding the tablet with one hand, the other drove itself into his cheek.

"Here, let me help you, honey," Eileen said, rushing over to him. After a whole minute of trying to gesture to him, she saw her chance to finally jump in. She grabbed the tablet from his hands and typed into it.

"Leni," the machine said.

She then held it as she used her hand to work out some of its other functions.

 _"Who on Earth would name their baby girl Leni?"_ Eileen thought to herself, _"It's not even a nickname! Why couldn't it be something easier to spell, like Helen?"_

After typing that name several more times into the program, she handed the tablet back to Derek.

"And saved," Eileen said proudly, leaning into her son, "now you can just click on the 'L' box and be able to find it."

Derek stared off in the distance as Eileen went back to Rita to resume their conversation. Leni observed him, trying to remember seeing him before. After a brief moment, she was able to conjur up several brief scenes of her interacting with him. They didn't say much, though. Did he like her? Did he like clothes too? And, after seeing him not smiling, did he need a hug?

Seeing an opening, Leni started walking up to him, extending her arms out, hoping he would notice the offer. He never seemed to turn away from that imaginary point he was fixated on. She just kept moving. And then, once she was close enough, she wrapped her arms around, enveloping him in a deep hug.

Derek tensed. He was frozen in place. Leni didn't care, though. To her, all he needed was a little affection. But then he started squirming, trying to break away from her. Suddenly Leni was confused, which made her grip him tighter. Derek's lips were clenched, however he started panicking, making a muffled scream. This caught Eileen's attention and she raced over to them.

"Leni, let go," she said, her voice wracked with concern.

Instantly, Leni jumped back, throwing up her Ducky arms. She saw fear and pain in those eyes of his. He screamed once more, bringing his hands to his head. Eileen placed a hand on his shoulder and spoke gently in an effort to calm him down.

"I'm sorry!" Leni exclaimed, genuinely ashamed of the disturbance she caused, "I was just trying to hug him a-and, like, make him happy!"

After several moments, Eileen rubbed her son's back and turned to the Louds.

"It's okay, Leni," she said softly, "Derek doesn't like to be touched by people he doesn't know very well."

"I'm sorry!" Leni exclaimed again. This time, Rita went over to her and hugged her daughter.

"Leni, it's okay," Eileen said, watching the mother and daughter, "you didn't know. And you only did what you thought was best. It's okay."

Leni, though, had her face on the other end of the aisle.

"Is Derek mad at me?" she asked sadly.

"He's not," she heard Eileen's voice say, "he knows that you care a lot about him."

Following a brief period of silence, the two groups calmed down and parted ways.

"Have a nice day," Eileen said as she and Derek departed, the former waving at the two Louds. Leni, though, couldn't help but keep staring in that direction even after they were out of sight.

"Are you okay, honey?" Rita asked, seeing her daughter.

Leni sighed tiredly.

"Yes," she said resigned, "but, like, I didn't want to hurt Derek."

"I know you didn't. But don't worry, he forgives you."

Even with that effort of reassurance, Leni's mind was still consumed by the entirety of the matter. The incident (Derek's screaming) kept replaying in her mind, as if it were a bad nightmare.

"Mom," Leni said, still not facing her, "why does Derek have that thing in his hand?"

A pause. One that was long enough for Leni to discern. What was going on? Was this just a terrible prank that wouldn't end?

"He uses that to talk, honey," Rita answered.

At first, that seemed to make sense. After all, it did speak out words that were tapped into it. It was a simple tool that one could use anytime. But then, she started noticing things. She was suddenly rife with curiosity.

"But...like, why doesn't he get someone like Maddy to, like, teach him?" Leni asked. And, only then, did she turn to see her own mother, eyes full of desperation, "Like you did for me?"

Rita's face told so much. Leni could pick out something wrong. Was her mother hiding something? What could it possibly be?

Rita sighed.

"Derek's parents weren't able to find someone like Maddy. People like that cost money and they weren't able to pay it," Rita said, hoping that was a satisfactory answer.

Leni, though, was still troubled. Her frown was quite upsetting to Rita.

"But...if parents, like, love them, then they could have, like, gotten something," Leni said, her voice succumbing to mere rambling, "what's gonna happen to Derek? Don't his parents, like, love him?"

"Of course Derek's parents love him," Rita said. This time, she kneeled down and placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder, "They did everything they could for Derek. Even now, he goes to a special school, his mom and dad give him all the love and attention he needs."

The young girl merely stood there. Her head fell to the ground, her eyes too tired to be attracted to the neat tile lines.

"It's just not fair," Leni replied softly, "Derek should be able to, like, get the things that you and dad gave to me. He's, like, a good person and I wish his mom and dad had more things to help him out."

From her viewpoint, Leni felt herself being pulled into an embrace. She looked up to see her mother smiling.

"Oh Leni," Rita said, "I think that's very sweet of you," she then looked down at her flustered daughter, "you should think about doing something to help out kids like Derek."

Leni, though, was at a loss of thought.

"Like what?" she asked.

Rita's eyes widened as she looked around. She noticed some of the passer us were staring at the scene happening.

"We can come up with some ideas later," she said. Rita then pulled away, allowing herself to see the entirety of her daughter's face. That horrible frown was gone, "I don't want to put any pressure on you, but I think it would be wonderful if you could do something."

Rita then gave Leni a kiss, causing the girl to giggle.

"Okay, I'll think about," Leni said, finally smiling.

"Good."

And with that, the two Louds got up and continued their shopping. For the first time in a while, Leni found an air in the store that wasn't just boredom.


	21. Girls' Friend

Leni was lounging on her bed, a laptop on her chest, a gift she got for her eleventh birthday and her second favorite thing to use. Alongside her sewing machine, she spent many hours on it, parousing its various features. Her finger slid across the mousepad as she proceeded to type something.

 _"I like GarryxPercy. Percy is totes cute and is always ther to help any1 when they need it and garry is a meenee hat just needs someone 2 open up."_

Upon tapping the 'Send' button, her comment magically rendered on the next line of the thread. She briefly stared at her own post, reading it through several time, before bringing her vision to site's background. It was packed with colorful characters of varying shapes, sizes, and species.

 _"Why couldn't they have Percy on there too? He's just as good as all these folks!"_ Leni thought to herself. She was familiar with most of them, having seen their corresponding series. While she admired a lot of them, nothing got her more excited than Percy.

His lucious lime green hair, his captivating maroon eyes, his round squishy face. To her, what wasn't there to love with his design. And then there was his voice actor. Based on an Internet search, Leni knew it was a man named Jason Quentin. And further searches also showed that Quentin was in a bunch of other shows before taking on Percy on Leni's current favorite _Real Times Under the Sun_ , some of which were previous holders of the girl's attraction. Of course, this knowledge made her rewatch these childhood classics to catch Quentin's voice wherever it appeared, all while connecting it to her beloved Percy. To her, it was fun to think about cartoons, even if they weren't as fun as clothes.

Suddenly, a new message popped up, accompanied by a green '1' appearing under her own post.

 _"GarryxPercy is my OTP! I died when the two tripped and fell on top of each other! XD"_

The '1' was replaced soon enough by a '2'.

 _"Check out my latest fanfic! Once the writers see this, they'll have to finally come out and make it canon!_

 _http\\\:www_fanlore_net/Thawing_His_Rose"_

Leni eagerly clicked on the link, directing her to the story. It wasn't too long, only one chapter. Reading it, she followed Garry's first-person monologue of his 'tortures past', although much of it was clearly made up. Leni wished that the show could get more detailed on the characters' backstories. Garry then discussed how he has grown attached to Percy since meeting him in the first episode and how those feelings have become 'overwhelming' and 'humiliating'. She read as he went on about 'how others would react if they knew the truth.'

 _"Don't listen to those silly words, Garry! No one's gonna think less of you! Percy's gonna say yes! Just do it!"_

At this point, Leni felt her heart starting to pound. She was driven into a horrible mess. She killed to know how this would all end, yet her body and mind was too preoccupied to continue reading. What kind of purgatory was this? Who could invent such a terrible state of being?

Just then, Lori entered the room and went to the dresser. As Leni tried to fight the resistance to her reading, her older sister sifted through the various drawers. The clattering noise of items was distracting. How was she _ever_ gonna finish this gripping tale when there's noise to disturb the ambiance?

"Ugh!" she heard Lori say, "Leni, did you take all my hairpins again?!"

She felt herself shrink in, some from the accusation and some from the increasing tension of this story.

"Yes," she said meekly.

"Why?! You never wear them. I need them!"

By this point, she shut the laptop to look at Lori's irritated face (her laser-bent eyes, tight cheeks with several red pimples, clear exposure of all her braces).

"I like using them," Leni answered, "they're, like, bendy and there's other uses f-"

"They're mine!" Lori exclaimed, slapping her own chest, "It's bad enough I'm out of acne cream and breakin' out like a greasy pig, but I also don't need my hair pins disappearing every week so you can play with them like they're toys!"

She then heard Lori sigh and saw her rub the bridge of her nose.

"I'm sorry," Leni simply said.

For several seconds, all she could hear was deep, haggard breathing. All Leni could wonder was whether it was enough. She knew she messed up. And when you mess up, you say sorry and everything's fine. Right?

"Just stop taking all my stuff. It drives me u-it makes me mad. Okay?"

The younger Loud gazed at her older sister, her face displaying a mix of regret, uncertainty, and preoccupation. Lori, though, despite mellowing down through her deep breathing, still had annoyance pinching her cheeks. She sighed.

"I don't care if you want to start using hairpins," Lori said slowly. She then drew her eyes to Leni's clean, unblemished face, "And I also don't care if you wanna start using acne cream."

 _"As if you need it,"_ Lori thought.

"But," Leni interjected. Her lips jumbled a little as she tried to get a footing on just what to say. Sometimes, her mouth just refused to cooperate, "I don't use your acne cream. Either the thing it comes in is tiny or, like, you put a ton of it on every day."

Lori staggered back a little. Her mouth awkwardly opened, exposing her shiny braces.

"Just ask Mom to buy you hairpins, okay?" Lori asked hastily, her thoughts sputtering. And just like that, she zoomed out of the room, leaving the younger Loud to her privacy.

"Okay," she spoke to herself, "let's see what you're up to, Garry."

"Leni! Could you come down for a minute?"

 _"Dah! Why now?"_

She reluctantly put her computer down and paced out of her room and downstairs. Most of her siblings were hanging out in the living room playing, watching TV, talking. Glancing at it, she figured it was fun, but she knew she wasn't summoned down for that.

"I think that's lovely. But doesn't it get a little too humid when August hits?"

Leni approached the kitchen and saw her mother sitting at the table with her phone to her ear. Rita shot her a look a waved at her. By this point, Leni had learned that the best way to react to such a gesture was to wave back. For the next few seconds, there was visual and (supposedly) audio silence.

"Well I hope that goes well. Hey listen, I have someone that wants to speak with you...I'll hand it over."

Rita pulled the phone from her ear and reached out her arm towards Leni. The young girl eyed the gray brick before looking up to her mother. Her smile was nothing short of encouraging, but Leni spotted something else. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. But it held her off long enough for her to grab the phone and bring it up.

"Hello," she said.

"Leni?!" a voice exclaimed, penetrating the fuzzy static. The barrier was much more noticeable than the girl was used to, especially when talking to her parents on her own phone. Was it an old phone, she wondered.

"Yes, my name is Leni and I like clothes...a-and Ducky."

"Oh my goodness! It's been so long, you probably don't remember me," the voice said, some of her inflections getting swallowed by the static, "I'm Maddy and I used to come over to work with you!"

And now it hit her. It had been a few weeks, but now she recalled the promise her mother made to her. Sure it was a little late, but the fact that it happened at all was something she was impressed by. And it was at that moment that she remembered the few images her memory had of this person. Sure they were there, but to her, it felt hard to relate. It was as if she were talking to a celebrity or Percy.

"My mom, like, told me about you and how you, like, helped me learn to talk and stuff..." Leni said shyly, feeling her body crunch up a little as she stood. She felt herself getting nervous as she spoke, "you didn't have to, like, do that if you didn't want to."

Leni then turned away from her mother, too uncomfortable to see her reaction to all this.

"I did want to. In fact, it was a privilege that I got a chance to work with you, to get to meet you and your wonderful family," the voice said, the tone implying satisfaction, "Leni, your mom talks to me a couple times every month and every time, she always tells me about you. Do you want to know what she says to me?"

"What?"

"She says that you are one of the hardest workers she has ever seen. For someone that had a lot to overcome, you did it! None of us, not her, not me, not your dad could have imagined where you would end up. We all believe in you every day, Leni!"

As the voice dropped off, she could hear sounds vibrating, trying to bend through the audio film. It was like it was trying to break free of the stretchy prison.

"I...I'm sorry," the voice croaked, noticeably weaker than before. All Leni could wonder was whether this person on the other line was okay, "I'm just...really happy to hear your voice after all these years. I'm already blown away by you when your mom tells me about what you're up to, how you're growing into a beautiful person. But this...there's so much I want to say to you."

The voice sounded genuine. She tried piecing together the collection of sounds, seeing if it was what she thought (hoped) it was. All she could ask was if it was true.

"Where are you now?" Leni asked.

"Boston," the voice said, "You and your family should visit someday. It's a fantastic city with lots to do. I think you would love it!"

As she heard the voice speak, Leni slowly found the courage to turn around to see her mother. She swore she wasn't smiling before their eyes made contact. Rita just shot her a happy face the moment she was in her sight. Was that was she was seeing? Still, that didn't dampen the joy she got hearing the fuzzy voice.

"So...my Mom, like, says you still talk about me..." she said, dropping off at the end.

"Yup! Yup! Yup!" she heard. Leni felt her heart flourish and a small grin bouncing on her lips, "In Boston, I work with kids and help them learn how to talk. They're young, younger than you. They're wonderful and they work really hard...Sometimes, though, they get down. They get sad or frustrated or scared and they feel like they can't do anything...but you wanna know what I tell them?"

"Yes...?"

"I tell them about you," the voice said, supposedly with cheer, "Almost all the kids I work with know about you, Leni. Because you never gave up, you always had that drive to learn, and you were always so nice. You're a role model to them!" she then heard a chuckle, "In fact, one of them even has a crush on you."

Throughout the entirety of that exchange, Leni found it hard to stand. Her feet felt wobbly, so she sat down in a chair. Her entire body started heating up, as if it were a cooking oven. She darted to her mother, who was was still observing her. Deep down, Leni wasn't sure how to take this whole situation. Should she be accomplished? Grateful? Suspicious? Oh, why did Mom have to actually act upon that promise?

"I really want you to know that I am so proud of you! Never stop being your wonderful self! I wish we could all be like you; the world would be a much better place."

As she processed those words, she heard what appeared to be a sniffle. But was it really worth that? Still, Leni was flattered, even finding it in herself to smile, much to her mother's delight.

"Thank you, Maddy," she said happily.

"Thank you, Leni! Now I hope you enjoy your day, now."

"Thanks, good bye."

Leni then handed the phone back to her mother. But rather than bringing it back to her ear, she pressed the red button in the corner.

"Sounds like you had a pretty good talk," Rita said, perking up a smile.

"Uh...yeah," Leni said, her voice wavering and her head dipping to her lap.

Rita spotted this and her expression faded.

"Are you okay, honey? You seem a little down," she said, concerned.

Leni, though, merely shrugged. In the moment of that phone call, she did feel excitement. She was happy that her mother gave her that chance, that she gave that voice the opportunity to sound excited. But now, that pressure in her chest has morphed into something. Something that made it hard to make a smile or feel satisfied. She wished she knew why she felt that way.

 _"Is there really nothing else wrong with me?"_

"I'm good," Leni said, this time finding the strength to bring her head to Rita's level. Even though neither of them were smiling, the older woman was at least glad that her daughter was speaking, "Thank you for doing this for me...she was very happy to speak to me."

Rita glanced at her daughter. For a moment, she prepared for a sudden addition or change to her daughter's attitude. Given how unexpectedly Leni acted during the call, she figured something else could have happened. Was it just an episode of poor body language or communication?

"You're welcome. Maddy and I really mean when we say we are proud of you," she said.

Leni, though, simply got up and walked away. From what it seemed, the conversation had achieved its purpose, a reasonable point for Leni to move to the next item of her agenda. But even as she strolled towards the stair, that terrible weight persisted. Unlike what she felt during the call, it didn't leave an exciting anticipation for a relief. It was something nastier. It made her stomach hurt. And her head aged as it struggled to make sense of it all.

"What's going on?" was the question she asked as she was reunited with her beloved fanfic.

* * *

Leni was still getting used to the intimidating hallways of Royal Woods Junior High. She had interrogated Lori about the school, but it was still weird having to go to different rooms with different teachers for each and every subject (for the first week, she needed a paper to remind her of when to go to which room). The only thing she was certain of going in was the floor plan, which she studied on the first day of seventh grade.

While she had previously resorted to sitting with the same group of girls at Royal Woods Elementary, she spent the first several days at Junior High eating lunch alone. Unlike before, the new cafeteria was much larger and daunting. The tables shifted from a home-like mahogany to an economic gray. Compared to elementary school, it felt more sterile, more professional. Something about this new air initially made her hesitant to join the other girls.

Not that these woes lasted too long, though.

One day, in the third week of school, Leni purchased her lunch and marched over to one of the tables. Sure enough, most of those familiar faces (all five of them) were packed together in a given section. None of them had any food. And there was plenty of room at the end (most of the rest of the table in fact) for her to plop herself under. Seeing this as an invitation, she sat at it.

"I cried so hard during that scene! She deserves so much better than that scumbag!" one of the girls exclaimed. Leni recognized it as Cassidy.

"I know. And, um, that girl he chose over her! I literally thought Carol!"

"Same!" all the girls chimed in. Leni, though, murmured the phrase, unsure of how it would go. She did, though, somewhat recall that name.

"But then she got the biggest makeover ever and showed both of them up!"

"All she needs now is a man that digs that."

"It'll be totes easy!"

Leni was frazzled by the quick delivery of each line. It was like she was watching an episode of _Dream Boat_ with Lori on fast forward. Even though she could (somewhat) make out the content, there was no room to jump in. Silence didn't exist in this tiny corner of the table.

"So how about that new Boyz Will Be Boyz CD that just came out?"

"I know! I wanna see them live so bad!"

"'Dirty Lot of Trouble' was my fav!"

"Mine too!"

By now, Leni resorted to eating her meal. It was pizza day, so she helped herself to two slices of cheese without toppings (not that there was variety outside pepperoni). Much of the discussion she heard was based on things she was unfamiliar with. Some of it she's heard of, but never actually experienced in full. What was there to say outside 'I heard of that'?

 _"Stop saying stuff that can't lead to other stuff."_

Even with the fast pace of the talk, she was surprised by how little clothes was brought up. All five of the girls were dressed to impress; they were decked out in leather jackets, silk shirts, and white pants. Gazing at these stunning displays of fashion made Leni feel a little embarrassed by her simple turquoise dress.

But it didn't stop at the clothes. They were all wearing lipstick, some of them had mascara around their eyes, and she could have sworn one of them had _something_ on their cheeks. Leni was not one to wear makeup, unlike her big sister Lori. These days, the girl had all sorts of products scattered across their bureau. Each morning before school, the oldest Loud spent no less than ten minutes meticulously applying it all across her face. By the end, she looked pretty and Leni made sure to compliment her (as she knew by this point that Lori often demanded praise).

But Leni herself didn't know how to use it and she never bothered asking anyone to teach her. Besides, as pretty as it made Lori look, she didn't want to spend all that time in the morning. She figured clothes alone would be enough.

Soon enough, lunch ended. The girls got up simultaneously and stood around their seats, chatting as they (slowly) made their exit. Leni got up a little after and stood, seeing if she could join in their discussion of...whatever they were talking about. The clump moved around her towards the opposite end of the long table. Grabbing her things, Leni followed behind the group of girls, thinking this was the requirement for socializing. She figured that even if she wasn't able to contribute, being close was enough. Right?

She never got a word in throughout the whole time.

Leni got caught up with a few other kids in a crowd as she tried throwing away her plastic tray. She did her best to shove her tray through the mob of hands attempting the same feat.

Upon getting it in, she turned and pushed forward. The five girls were nowhere to be found. It was then that she remembered that they didn't buy any food. What reason was there for them to loiter around the trash barrel? To wait for their 'girl'?

 _"They hate me,"_ Leni said to herself as she trudged out of the cafeteria, alone. All along the hallway, she ganders at the waves of students proceeding to their distinct destinations. For every kid she saw walking alone, there was a trio chuckling and sharing nuggets of insight.

 _"I don't think I said anything insulting. Was it a face I made? A thingy I did with my hands or something?"_ she contemplated, her step slowing with each passing word. From the corner of her eye, she noticed people going around her, pacing past her in their hurry to their next appointment. Thinking of that made her slow even more. All those people she's forcing to change their trajectory, lest they bother her. Why was she someone they should acknowledge?

Eventually, she reached a corner out of the way of the main traffic. She stopped to look at the poster.

"Fashion Club

Meets Every Thursday

Wanna come talk about clothes, make up, and what's popular! Come join us to talk fashion and style your own creation!"

Accompanied to it were pictures of clothes, clearly ripped from Clip Art. Leni had seen that poster every day since Monday. Whenever she saw it, she got excited. To think that there was an actual place for her to relish in something she loved. When she told Lori about it, she said something about making friends. Would the other girls be there? Would she finally get a word in?

Sadly, it was only Wednesday. Sure her parents already knew about it and were completely accepting of letting her do it. The only obstacle, so it seemed, was time.

With that little piece of hope to push her along, she turned the corner to the first door. She turned it open to expose herself to a narrow room. It was slightly larger than that of Mrs. Boxer's. At the large round table was Mrs. Lane, a younger woman with grizzly orange hair and glasses. Next to her were two other boys, Billy and Jake.

"Hi Leni!" Jake shouted, enthusiastically whipping his arm back and forth.

"Hi," Billy said softly, simply holding his open palm over his chest, as if he were using it to defend himself.

"Good afternoon, Leni," Mes. Lane said cheerfully, "how has your day been?"

"Okay," she said as she took a seat next to Billy.

As Mrs. Lane started talking, Leni thought more about those five girls. Even with the prospect of the future, she still was curious. Why didn't they try to include her? Why couldn't they even say 'hi'?

She looked up and saw the gentle teacher write stuff on a white board. Something about didn't feel right.

"Is this really the best for me? Do the others even bother with this stuff?" she asked herself as she saw Mrs. Lane teach.m

Leni wasn't one to protest. Whenever she felt like jumping in or to disagree, she was paralyzed by a magnetic force. It put her in her place. She was no more than Leni, the one that went with whatever others did. And nothing got tense. No hard feelings were had, right?

She wasn't about to spoil it. Maybe another day. When she learned to do it all on her own. But for now, her ears yielded to Mrs. Lane's lesson and Billy and Jake's questions.


	22. First Impressions

On Thursday morning, the Loud House awoke and engaged it's ritualistic routine. The six older Louds awoke to the blaring of alarm clocks and voices. All six of them crowded the sink to brush their teeth, acquiring their own posture and position to see the precious mirror. Foam spewed all over the sink as each of them vigorously scrubbed within their mouths, generating garbled mumbles over the mess and lack of room. Yet even with this inconvenience, they all insisted on having tooth brushing being the first thing to do in the morning.

Following that, they retreated to their rooms, where space became abundant. Leni promptly got dressed before going to the closet to pull out plastic bags full of fabric and supplies and plopping them on her bed. The task didn't take long. Following that, she headed downstairs.

Meanwhile, Lori was parked in front of the bureau with a full white tube. The girl popped the cap and crushed it within her firmly clamped fist. The cream shot out like a missile, splattering on her palm. Lori mashed her hands together, giving them a sloppy rubbing before slapping her cheeks and lathering them with the white goo. Her nose recoiled at the cold stench the cream produced. It smelled like Dr. Tyson's office, too clean and naked to be comfortable.

The oldest girl pulled back her egg white hands to see her face. It was completely covered in the white stuff, but many regions were considerably thick.

 _"It's not too much. After all, it keeps my face clear anyway."_

After a quick stop to the bathroom to wash her hands (and some of the excess cream), she grabbed a gentle pink lipstick and carefully applied it, making sure to not let the stick touch the cream. She knew it was better to wait for the cream to absorb, but as she liked to tell herself, there was simply too much preparation to do to wait. And on this day at least, she technically wasn't wrong.

From her peripheral vision, she saw Leni re-entering the doorway holding something. Following this acknowledgement, Lori finished the lipstick and proceeded to the other important step, eye liner. She took the black stick and pulled out the black pointy stylus. Unfortunately, some of the cream hadn't fully absorbed left, her face covered with thick blobs of the material.

"I brought you up some breakfast for when you're, like, ready," Lori heard as she tried positioning the stylus. Concentration required silence. She prayed that Leni would have it in her to understand that.

Thankfully, she made the delicate contact needed to start brushing her lashes, beautifying them for the upmost success. After all, it was the bare minimum she felt she needed for friendship. Right now she was in what she considered a precarious position. She had her eyes on five girls that associated with each other and no one else. To her, those five eighth graders were the best in the whole school. They took fashion and 'sophisticated' culture to an extreme unfounded by most of the school. She wanted to compete to win their attention, their friendship. Sure they're selective, but as far as she's concerned, many haven't gone out to try. The in the school that she has seen attempt to achieve their status was (as much as she hated to admit it) not quite in their league.

After several meticulous minutes of work, her eyes were simply glamorous and ready for school. Putting away the stick, she turned to see Leni staring at her eating a bowl of dry cereal. The crunching sound was grating and the sight of mush and saliva behind those crumb-stained lips was gross.

"Please eat with your mouth closed," Lori said, moaning and slouching her shoulders forward. It was at that moment that she noticed a second bowl on her nightstand. From what she could make out, it was the same brand of cereal overflowing in the round bowl, not a drop of milk to be found, "and you couldn't get me coffee or something? You know I don't eat that."

Leni lifted her spoon and pointed at her.

"Please," Lori interjected, raising her hand, "don't talk while you're eating," she then walked to the nightstand and grabbed the bowl. Several troublesome kernels fell as she carried the heavy, overflowing container, causing Lori to sigh, "Let's just eat downstairs. We can come back for this stuff after."

 _"How stupid of me,"_ Leni thought as she followed her sister down the stairs, all while continuing to munch on her cereal.

The kitchen was crowded. These days, Lynn Sr. took it upon himself to make breakfast to the growing number of school-age children while Rita watched over the younger ones. The other four kids crowded around the round table, eating eggs and bacon while drinking orange juice. Lori placed her bowl on the counter, went to the drawer and pulled out a spoon. She briefly glanced at Leni (who was staring at her) before eating the dry cereal as it was.

As she ate, Lori thought about the day ahead. She'd rather spend it talking to her friends, especially about their predictions for upcoming episodes of _Dream Boat_. To them, that new show was a sensation. But instead, she agreed to help Leni bring supplies to school. Sure she was glad her older sister was reaching out more, but this was way more than what was required. All week, she had been moving steadfast to promote the new Fashion Club; she forced it into conversations, helped hang signs up around the school, and she would even be attending it. With all this work put in, all she could wonder was if anyone would show up. Given the high class attire of some of the girls she came across, there had to be at least a few takers.

After finishing the bowl, she plopped it in the sink. Simultaneously, Leni did the same thing (Lori observed how there were still some kernels left in her sister's). The two of them headed upstairs and entered the nursery room. Rita spent her mornings in there caring for Lucy, the twins, and the latest arrival (the two-week old Lisa).

The room was a mess. While Lucy was lying in bed, Lana and Lola were chasing each other around the room, stumbling about with their fast legs. Meanwhile, Rita sat in a rocking chair with Lisa. White flash cards were strewn all over the floor and the very youngest Loud was head deep in a book (a thick hard cover). Rita awkwardly held her hands up, struggling to find a learning opportunity for her daughter.

"Oh. Good morning kids," Rita said, looking up at the two oldest. There were prominent bags under her eyes and her voice was weak.

"We're heading out," Lori said.

Rita then yawned.

"Alright kids. I love you...have a nice day," she said before her face fell to the book Lisa was reading.

With that, the two girls headed to their bedroom and started collecting the bags of materials. Lori groaned at the excessive amount of materials her sister bought.

 _"Does she really think we're going use this much? At our first meeting?!"_

With all of their hands clenched with multiple plastic bags, they made their way back down to the front door.

"We're heading out Dad! Bye!" Lori shouted.

"Bye girls! I love you!"

"Love you too!" Leni replied, eagerly smiling.

The walk to school was mostly routine (even with all the bags clunking around). The weather was accommodating, minimal noise, and they had each other. Lori gazed at her sister, who was mostly staring forward. Nothing about her demeanor suggested anything really.

"So," Lori said, trying to break the ice, "do we just, you know, drop it off at Mrs. Barnes as soon as we get there?"

"Yes."

She already knew the answer (as if they were gonna haul these things around all day) but Lori became desperate to get her younger sister talking. Even with her growth, Leni still had difficulty initiating conversation, becoming the one that got the ball rolling, the sewing machine running.

"Have you talked to anyone about the club?" Lori asked.

"Kinda," Leni replied flatly, "I told it to some girls and they said they'll think about it."

There's no question that Leni was telling the truth. Even Lori knew by this point that her little sister had started speaking up, asking questions when push came to shove (or if someone brought up clothes). Lori was glad about this, but she also knew that speaking alone wasn't enough to craft friendship (or even commitment to a brand new club).

"Do you know the names of any of the ones you talked to?" she asked.

Leni briefly stared at the sky, as if the clouds would rain down the answer.

"Like, one of them was Lori and I think another was, like, named Penelope. And I, like, don't know who the other one was," Leni said.

"Are those the only three you talked to?"

Rather than speaking up, she merely shrugged. All Lori could assume was that they were the only three. And to think that she had spread it to at least thirty over several days. She figured it was best to not even ask _when_ her sister talked to each of the three she just mentioned.

For the most part, the two walked in silence. Leni shifted her head continuously to intake the sights she was used to from walking this same path every day for the last few weeks. Each house they passed had a unique feature to it (a coat of a certain color, a cute garden decoration, an interesting roof).

"Lori."

The older Loud shot over to Leni, who was still looking forward.

"Do you think that I'm, like, a likeable person?" Leni asked plainly.

Lori was taken aback. Did she hear that right? To think that she herself spent so much time trying to cultivate her own popularity. Her younger sister had always seemed to not be aware of matters like this. It was surprising to say the least.

"Well," she started, moving slowly, "of course you are...why do you ask?"

Leni shrugged.

"Just wondering."

The older sister watched her sister, causing the latter to veer her head to the houses they were passing. This avoidance caught Lori's curiosity. For a few fleeting moments, she felt there was something else going on. She wondered if she really understood her younger sister as much as she thought. Sure Leni was relatively quiet and she could be reclusive at times, but she knew her as well as anyone else (barring her parents of course). And she boasted herself as being someone that would look out for her in this tumultuous battleground known as junior high.

Leni chuckled, breaking Lori's train of thought.

"It's, like, so nice out today," the younger Loud said, her eyes glimpsing at certain sights without resting on anyone, "like, don't you think so too?"

"Uh, yeah," Lori said, confused. She was even more baffled by the direction of their exchanges. Most of their interactions never had Leni speak in such a vocal yet meandering fashion.

"How have you been doing?" Leni asked, now staring at Lori.

Lori turned to see her sister giving her a substantial smile. Her eyes appeared intent on learning her answer. Come to think of it, Lori hadn't spoken to Leni all that much about her own social life. It wasn't like Leni asked before.

"Good. Me and the girls have been getting along really well," she said calmly. She then paused, "they all know about the club and some of them said they would be coming."

Lori allowed the sound to fall from her mouth. For the next few seconds, the two strolled along. The shaking and clashing of paper bags brushed against all of their ears.

"What about Emily?"

Lori's eyes widened. After all of this, her younger sister still remembered her best friend from first grade? And why now of all days? Was she one of the girls she talked to about the club? She took several hesitant breaths before proceeding.

"I see her in the halls from time to time," she replied, "she's been cool and all, but...well we just moved on from each other. I found other girls like Shelby and Monica while she got friends of her own," she then made sure this next part was made with direct eye contact, "We don't have anything bad against each other."

Leni, though, just kept looking forward.

"Okay," she replied. Personally, she wanted her sister to say a little more, but it wasn't like she was vague. Leni found it sad that two friends could just fizzle off like that. And in turn, it made her think of some of the other people that phased past her life. She wondered if she could ever get them back. Would she ever see Mrs. Egan again? Or Mrs. Boxer? Or those few kids that didn't go on to Royal Woods Junior High (whatever fancy school they were at now).

 _"What am I doing with myself? Never anything..."_

Leni then thought more about the Fashion Club. Her mom had suggested the idea over the summer, as a way to 'be creative' and 'make new friends' (whatever creative meant). She recalled how on the first day of class, Mrs. Barnes (her English teacher) brought up how she does sewing as a hobby. Well, Leni saw that as a chance to be 'creative' and got to spend time during lunch talking to her about it. Mrs. Barnes went out of her way to get approval from the school. And Lori decided to help out.

 _"I don't get it. Why are they being so nice to me?"_

The two arrived at the Junior High. Upon entering, they made their maneuver through the school's unusual halls. They even passed by the special corridor where Lori usually hangs out with her friends. Indeed they were already there chatting away. All of them proceeded to wave at the two sisters as they walked by, quickly noticing the presence of multiple plastic bags full of fabric and thread.

"Hi Lori," one of them said.

"Oh hi, Monica," the older Loud answered, giving a hasty smile.

"Hi," Leni said.

"Hi Leni," the girls replied.

 _"Lori bothered to mention me..."_

The exchange ended like that and the two Louds continued on their way. The rest of the walk was pretty uneventful. Barely anyone was in the hallway, or at least anyone they knew. All either of them could do was keep their eyes forward. Eventually, they turned into a classroom towards the end of the hall.

The room looked a lot like Aunt Ruth's house. It was decorated with vases, photographs, rugs, and shelves that each appear to be at least fifty years old. Even the sewing machine that was stashed in the back didn't break from the look. All Lori could wonder was whether it was functional. Sure the objects were dusted and maintained on a regular basis, but the aesthetic was still homely. Lori didn't have Mrs. Barnes for English, but her friends did describe her as 'old-fashioned'.

"Good morning, Leni," a gentle voice said.

And right there at her desk was none other than Mrs. Barnes herself. While she wasn't elderly, her black hair was starting to turn gray, her cheeks were showing some wrinkles here and there, and her figure was starting to appear tiny and frail. Lori estimated she was about the same age as Aunt Ruth.

"Hi Mrs. Barnes!" Leni exclaimed, smiling. That beaming face then turned to the other girl, "This is my big sister Lori. She helped me carry in all this stuff!"

The kind lady grinned and got up to approach the older sister.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Lori," she said, gazing through her thin glasses with eyes of admiration. Even with the stale vibe of the decor, Lori could immediately tell this was a much softer soul than Aunt Ruth's rugged strength, "Do you plan on joining Leni's fashion club?"

Lori nodded as she processed the situation. She told herself she shouldn't be confused at this. She could imagine how Leni managed through her conversations without dropping her sister's name or involvement. But after a morning of some unusual behavior (or so she thought), a flicker of her did expect that maybe she would have surprised her once more. But perhaps Leni couldn't simply be described in an extrema; she was someone who's behavior, while somewhat predictable, still pulled numerous surprises.

"It'll be a treat to have you with us," Mrs. Barnes answered before gesturing to the area surrounding her sewing machine, "You can put those bags down over in the back."

The two made their way to the back. Leni was drawn to the sewing machine. That wasn't there the day before (Mrs. Barnes had agreed to bring her own in for the club). It was different from the one she had. This one didn't have an extension cord attached to the end of it. Instead, it had an manual pedal below it. The whole thing was so bulky that she marveled at how Mrs. Barnes even got it to the school.

 _"All that work. Just for...me,"_ Leni thought to herself as she felt her smile threaten to dissolve. She continued to stare at it as Lori placed down her bags and moved back.

"Okay Leni, I'll see you after school," she said, not checking if she was paying attention, "Have a nice day."

Lori stood there for a moment, waiting for a response. She noticed how Leni was transfixed to the sewing machine.

"So Lori," she heard Mrs. Barnes say. Lori, though, kept her eyes on her sister, "the club is holding its first meeting right after school today in this room. Tell your friends all about it."

"Thank you," Lori replied, not looking away. With that she said, "Leni?"

That time, the younger sister jerked her head to her, her face completely blank.

"Okay," Lori said before waving, "I'm heading out. See you after school."

"Goodbye," Leni answered flatly, lifting a hand and holding it in midair as she saw Lori depart from the room.

Mrs. Barnes approached her student, whose attention turned back to the machine.

"I know it's a little different than what you're used to, but it works the same," she said, pointing to the machine's base, "all you have to do is push that pedal on the ground with you foot and it's pretty much the same. Do you like it?"

Silence.

"Yes. Thank you, Mrs. Barnes. It's lovely," she said simply. After several more seconds of observation, she turned to her teacher, "I'll see you in class."

"Well okay," Mrs. Barnes said tactfully, "I will see you then. I hope you have a nice morning."

With that, Leni departed as well without another word. All she wanted now was for that silly fuzziness to go away. To her, she didn't deserve that joy, those butterflies in her tummy.

* * *

Most of the morning went smoothly, even Mrs. Barnes class (although she was embarrassed when the teacher advertised the club in front of everyone). Those goofy feelings (thankfully) came in fleeting waves, allowing Leni to return to her normal stasis not long after disruption. She didn't recall talking to any of her classmates throughout the morning.

As class was dismissed for lunch, Leni lurched out and strolled down the hall by herself. A flood of seventh and eighth graders plowed in the other direction as they barged their way to their next class. The girl did everything she could to not bump into them, trying to walk alongside the wall. She observed the sea of students and at one point could have sworn she saw Lori there. She was in the middle of it all, chatting with some other girls around her age. Her eyes were glued on her older sister (who in many respects was her idol).

"Oof!"

Leni recoiled slightly, her vision temporarily being blurred and focused to the white floor. Eventually, she looked up and saw the person she bumped into. She was a girl that was slightly taller than her, adorned hair the same golden tint as Lori's. But what sparked her the most was the girl's clothing (a wool blue button-up shirt with white cuffs and collar, long skirt, and matching ankle socks).

"Sorry!" Leni exclaimed, her Ducky arms shooting up. Whatever calm remained in her body was grilled by the flames of humiliation. She scolded herself for not being more careful.

The girl, however, smiled.

"That's okay," she said professionally. Sure her shirt was a little wrinkled, but she refrained from touching it, a note that Leni fixated on. But before the Loud could contemplate further, the older girl continued, "You know, I've seen you around before. You're Lori's little sister, Leni, right?"

"Yes."

The girl then extended her hand. Leni stared at it, particularly how unified and firm it looked. And then, she moved one of her wobbly hands forward and touched it. It was the cleanest, softest Palm she ever felt. As this happened, she asked herself what she did to earn the privilege of having a girl like this associate herself with someone...like herself.

"I'm Carol. It's nice to meet you, Leni," she said cheerfully.

Suddenly, Lori's voice flooded her mind. Snide comments, frustrated tirades, bitter laments often alluded to that name. It all traced back to Carol, Carol, Carol. From all she had heard, Carol seemed like a meanie that only cared about herself.

"Lori said she doesn't like you," Leni said meekly, her face still flushed from the collision. She then lowered her arms and used one of her hands to rub them, "But, like, you seem pretty nice."

Carol, though, giggled.

"Well, I guess I can't win over everyone," she said, putting on a humble smile.

Now Leni was confused. Here was a girl that she had been told was mean and bad. But she was none of those things. What was this all about?

"So, like, the Fashion Club is having a meeting after school today. Do you want to come?" Leni asked, trying her best to save some of her confidence. Her posture was straight, although by now her arms were fidgeting. They had veered from the front to the back to the side and then back to the back. Her hands clenched each other together from that point.

"Sure," Carol responded, "I like clothes as much as any other girl."

"Okay. Well it was nice getting to meet you Carol."

Leni then paced forward, not giving Carol a chance to respond. She was filled with a mixture of emotions. Guilt, uncertainty, excitement, emptiness, fulfillment. She had suddenly cooked up a plan of sorts. If Carol really was all that nice, then perhaps Lori could see that and try to get along. Her mind was occupied by that one episode of _Princess Pony_ where Rosy Cake used her mutual friendship with two grumpy ponies to like each other. Leni supposed she wanted to do that. Or something.

All that mattered now was lunch.

* * *

The final bell rang. Leni felt her heart raced as she slowly collected her things and placed them in her bag. She got up and made her silent journey through the corridor en route to Mrs. Barnes's room. Images of clothes and that episode of _Princess Pony_ played in her head throughout the whole time. There was simply no space of concentration left for talking.

Upon stepping into the class, she saw Mrs. Barnes and Lori already there. Leni took her seat next to her older sister in silence. She twidled her thumbs while her hands were on the desk. Lori decided to start a conversation with the teacher, but she wasn't paying attention. She was simply too excited for what was to come. She kept her eyes on the open door, seeing who would show up.

Over the next few minutes, several girls filed into the seats. Leni smiled as she saw students that were actually interested in fashion. Most of them only had facial recognition, but she was still excited with the prospect of friendship.

 _"That'll make_ them _proud. That'll make_ them _happy."_

She did know the name of one of the girls that entered. It was her, Carol. Even after she bumped into her. Leni felt gratitude and shame at the same time, culminating in a blank expression. She turned to Lori, whose face had some tense pockets along her forehead and lip corners. Leni instinctively leaned in towards her big sister.

"She's nice. Like, give her a chance," she whispered.

Lori jerked herself back, her mouth agape.

"No," Lori pouted softly, "she's always been so selfish and mean. I don't get why she's here! And. Ugh!"

Leni was confused again. She didn't understand what Lori was talking about. To verify, she turned to view Carol. She was sitting with a few of the other girls. She was smiling and politely chatting. That gentleness she was greeted with in her encounter was unchanged for the others. And Carol didn't appear bothered by Lori. With that, she leaned back into Lori, keeping her eyes on the girl in question.

"But she was so nice to me," Leni whispered.

With that sight, she heard Lori scoff.

"Don't let that fool you! She's bad news, you hear."

Several more minutes passed and a few more students entered. Leni switched her focus between Carol and Lori. The latter tried to avert her eyes from the former. All Leni could think about was Rosy Cake. Even Rosy had a hard time during the episode. She went through a lot of yelling and some tears in order to get to that happy ending. She wished she could tell Lori about this tale, but the older sister had already expressed disdain for _Princess Pony_. Leni sighed from this fact.

"Good afternoon everyone," Mrs. Barnes announced, causing the room to fall to silence, "Welcome to the very first meeting of the Royal Woods Junior High Fashion Club," she then turned her focus to one particular student, "Leni, would you like to come up here to say a few words?"

Leni was quiet. Her chest twisted within itself and her throat was clamped from nerves. She had to turn to Lori for advice who gave her a nod of approval. Thankfully, she had learned by now what that gesture had meant. She then turned to Mes. Barnes and stared at her reassuring eyes and tranquil smile. Leni took several deep breaths before lunging from her seat to approach the front of the room.

"Everyone," Mrs. Barnes said, "this is Leni Loud, the _founder_ of the Club!"

Each of the students clapped courteously as Leni slowed herself to a stop in the front's center. Her heart pounded. She briefly darted her eyes at both Lori and Carol (who were each staring at her) before exhaling.

"Um...h-hi everyone," she stuttered, her face lacking any emotion, "I-I'm happy that there are people in the school that like clothes. Mrs. Barnes, like, told me about how she like clothes and...like, she gave me, like, the idea to make s Fashion Club," she then paused to think, "Oh, well it was also, like, my Mom and Dad and, like, Lori that helped me get the Club, like, started."

Leni stood there, unsure of what to say next. She turned back to see Mrs. Barnes, who was eagerly watching.

"Tell them about the fundraiser," the teacher whispered.

And then those plans struck her mind like a laser beam.

"Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly, "So, like, this fall we have a special project that'll be, like, totes fun. You see, there's this special school over in Sterling Hill called...um..."

"Batholomew's Helpers," Mrs. Barnes said gently.

"Yes, thank you Mrs. Barnes," Leni said, smiling. She then continued, "So, like, it's a special school where kids like us go when they have a really hard time learning or talking or stuff. And when I was told about it, like, I thought that a lot of those kids were like me, only they don't have what they need to, like, grow and de-devlope. So, I was hoping that, like, we could all make clothes and then, like, sell them to make money. And then we could, like, send the money to the school so that the kids can learn and, like, be happy."

With that, Leni locked her hands at her stomach. She gazed around the room, only to be met with more stares.

"Um...I'm done speaking," she said before walking back to her seat. The people in the crowd clapped once more, though Leni noticed her sister glaring toward the opposite side of the room.

"Very good, Leni," Mrs. Barnes said, standing up, "Now does anyone have any questions or concerns?"

The club founder gazed around the room and noticed one shy hand ascend.

"So did you want us to _make_ the clothes or could we just buy them?" the girl asked.

Leni then stared at Mrs. Barnes. The girl nodded at her teacher, giving her permission to answer.

"Either or will do. If you want to make clothes, then I could teach you how to use the sewing machine in the back," she said, using her aging hand to point to the relic. She then directed that same hand at the founder, "you could also ask Leni to teach you. She's a real talent at it!"

The girl kept her hand up.

"What about old clothes that we don't use anymore?"

Mrs. Barnes nodded.

"Feel free to send them in. The more clothes we have to sell, the better," she said with a smile, "and any clothes we don't sell will get send to Goodwill."

"Okay," the girl said before lowering her hand.

"Any other questions?" Mrs. Barnes asked.

And just like that another hand shot up. Lori immediately groaned.

"Hi," Carol said, "So if we already have our own sewing machine, could we start working on clothes from our own house?"

"Yes!"

Everyone jerked their heads to Lori, who had a nasty snarl on her face.

"The answer is yes," Lori said, barely able to seal her contempt.

Leni turned to Carol whose eyes were wide in shock. Her entire physique was frazzled by the outburst. The underlying shame emerged.

"Any other questions?"

Silence. Leni didn't expect there to be many, and especially not on the first day. Still, it was slightly disheartening for the entire atmosphere to sour like that.

"Thank you all for coming. We'll meet again around this time next week."

Leni shot from her seat and raced to Carol.

"I'm sorry I brought you here," Leni said sadly, her eyes with a clear conviction, a duty to right this wrong, "I didn't know that Lori was gonna be that mad at you..."

Carol, though, was gentle and placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Don't be mad at yourself," Carol said softly, "I want Lori to be able to accept me too, but she may not be ready y-"

"Let's go."

Lori grabbed Leni's hand and yanked, dragging her along. Leni struggled to get her footing right and nearly tripped at several points along the hall. All she could feel was confusion and offense. Eventually, the two slowed to a stop.

Leni could hear Lori's breathing even from behind. She wanted to help her big sister, but she didn't even know what the fuss was about. Carol seemed like a nice person. She liked her. Leni slapped herself for not knowing enough to act. So, she simply wrapped her free arm around Lori's neck.

"It's okay, Lori," she said softly, "let's just go home."

Even with the eventual happy conclusion, Rosy herself couldn't resolve that issue in a day, nor any other conflict she dealt with. In that moment, Leni imagined herself as that bubbly pink pony. Sure she didn't smile or laugh as much as her, but she understood it was her turn to play that role. She would figure this all out. She would make Lori and Carol friends.

Somehow.

But for now, the two of them needed time to contemplate. The walk home was quieter than usual.


	23. Feeling Sorry

"I...I've always been scared," Rosy Cake said through tense cries. Even her bouncy curly mane was downtrodden. She had her hooves wrapped around a purple pony.

"Of what?" the purple pony asked, clearly worried for her friend.

"Of losing you guys...I'm scared you'll start thinking me to be a silly pony that always throws dumb parties! Don't you get annoyed Twily?"

Twily gasped.

"Rosy, you know I would never stop being your friend" she said, tightening her hug. Her purple eyes widened as she continued speaking, "You make us happy. You always know just what to do whenever we're sad or need some cheering up."

Leni was grateful that her parents finally got her a smartphone for her birthday. It made it easier to watch latest episodes of _Princess Pony_ without drawing attention to herself (not that she had before). And with a set of white headphones on, she could easily drown out the crazy noise that interfered with her precious cartoon.

And what a week to be tuned in.

Just then, Lori entered the room and plopped herself on her bed with her phone. Leni felt her heart jump a little, but was relieved when her sister didn't say anything. Ever since she got her phone, Lori had been glued it; the thing practically became attached to her body. But unlike Leni, the older Loud used it for texting and talking.

But Leni didn't pay too much heed to that. There were more pressing issues going on in Equestria.

Her favorite character Rosy Cake had been reduced to tears when confronted by one of her five best friends. Now, she was revealing new parts of her personality that were previously hidden. Leni was quite shocked to learn this information. To think that this whole time that Rosy Cake, even with the conflicts she went through, was a bouncy a free spirit. Strangely enough, these revelations also gave her a sense of familiarity. The more she internalized them, the more comfortable she got.

 _"I don't get why a lot of people don't like this show. I think it's great."_

"You don't really mean that, do you?" Rosy Cake asked, sniffling.

"I mean it from the bottom of my heart," Twily said, smiling. She then used one of her hooves to rub her friend's back, "You're the sweetest pony I've ever met. It's because of you that I've started opening up and making friends. Whenever I or anyone else see you bouncing down the street, none of us can't help but smile," she then pulled herself back and helped Rosy wipe some tears off her cheeks.

 _"I wake up and see the sun,"_ Twily softly sang.

 _"It makes me smile and cheer._

 _I jump out of bed and I'm_

 _Gonna make you smile from ear to ear._ "

Rosy Cake chuckled with her hoarse throat. To think that earlier that same season, she sang that exact song. Granted it was loud and boisterous, but it was just as heartwarming when it was gentle and soft.

"There's the Rosy Cake I know," Twily said, smiling. Rosy Cake then tackled her friend, wrapping her in a deep embrace. Although tears streamed down her face, even Leni could tell by her giant grin that they were out of joy.

"Ugh, you literally have to get Carol to quit," Lori suddenly exclaimed. The outburst surpassed Leni's headphones, prompting her to hit pause. She was thankful that the episode had aired last night, which gave her that very luxury. Leni yanked the buds out of her ears and faced an irritated Lori.

"I still don't get why you think Carol is, like, a big meanie," Leni said, placing her phone down on the bed, "She's nice."

Lori, though, shook her head.

"No she isn't," Lori proclaimed, "I've known her since kindergarten and every time she was around, she would always have these stupid expensive clothes to show off. She's been nothing but rude, snobby," her head then lowered as her eyes caught afire, "and so full of herself! She was the first girl in my grade to catch all the latest stuff. First to have a purse, first to get a cell phone, first to wear lipstick!"

"You," Leni said, though her lips quickly became loose, "have all those things, like, too."

Lori facepalmed.

"I don't think you get it," she answered, sighing, "when _she_ got those things, everyone thought it was so cool. She waved all that stuff around and that made everyone want to get it. It became a mad dash and any girl that didn't catch on were left to fend for themselves," Lori then gazed down at her own phone with its blue cover. The older Loud exhaled once more as she thought about her own circumstances, her phone, her purse that she often kept stashed under her bed, her elaborate makeup.

"She wasn't like that when I, like, talked to her," Leni said, her eyes wide and innocent.

"Of course she wouldn't," Lori scoffed.

Leni saw her sister thumbing through her phone, as if to text one of her friends. Was that all? What was she getting at by doing this? It couldn't have been so.

"Why would she do that?" Leni asked, trying to make her voice sound naive. She watched as Lori looked up from her plastic device.

"Isn't it obvious? No one ever acts mean to you, Leni," Lori said.

Normally, Leni would have just left it at that. After all, it would have been pretty assuring to know that she was safe from insults and assaults of any sort. And with the baggage she believed she had, that should have been reassuring. So why wasn't it? Could it be that nothing in this world could have been free of danger? She was coaxed to press on.

"Why would she do that?" Leni asked her sister, who appeared to be examining her reaction. Leni didn't feel like she had made her thought process apparent. But then again, the world could be a lot smarter than her, no matter how advanced she became.

"Because she knows about you. She may be nasty to everyone else, but even she knows that it's not cool to pick on kids like you. It doesn't surprise me that she would be 'nice' to you," Lori then propped up her hands to emphasize the air quotes. Leni could detect the knife piercing the air. She couldn't tell if her sister getting mad at her or Carol.

"What are you talking about?" Leni asked, getting concerned, "why would she only be nice to me?"

Lori, though, rolled her eyes.

"Do I have to spell it out?" she shot back, clearly annoyed. Leni started to feel bad for bothering her big sister. She didn't bother saying anything. It wasn't as if she had any ideas anyhow.

The older Loud merely sighed.

"She feels sorry for you," she explained as she got up and stood and began walking around the room, flourishing her hands as she spoke, "In her mind, she sees you as slow, friendless, someone that has nothing going for them and stuck at the bottom. So she acts all nice to you because she has nothing to gain from knocking you down."

Leni sat there and tried to absorb those words. This idea. The possibility of a person deceiving her and others in such a mocking way. On one hand it seemed preposterous, impossible for such an underhanded motion and feeling to transpire (or at least to her specifically). But, in an uncomfortable fashion, it struck a tense and coherent chord. Her mind produced that same sensation of realization than when she figured out which puzzle piece goes in a certain spot. But was Carol really like that? Did she and her sister even know the same person?

"Do _you_ feel sorry for me, Lori?" she asked, her eyes widening even further. Immediately, Lori jerked her head at her little sister.

"Of course not," she replied sharply, "I know you way better than she ever will. You're my sister and nothing is ever gonna change that."

The second Loid briefly darted her eyes at her phone, where _Princess Pony_ was still paused. Lori didn't need to know everything after all. Before her sister could get suspicious, though, she looked back at Lori, whose expression had softened. Leni's mind was about as far from equilibrium as it could be, but she had no interest of pressing further.

 _"I guess that's a good enough answer."_

"Okay," Leni answered, her face blank, "thanks, Lori."

"Sure," Lori said before sitting back down on her bed. In that moment, Leni didn't mind the company, even with all the questions she hoped to ask. She figured a lot of them would just have to wait for another day.

She picked up her phone and continued watching the episode. She witnessed as Rosy Cake and Twily continued hugging and chuckling in each other's company. The camera panned out and faded to one last shot. She witnessed Rosy standing alone outside her house carrying a yellow balloon. Her bright blue eyes gazed at the latex surface and she exhaled. And then, her hoof loosened and allow it to sail off into the sky. The pony smiled and looked up at the sunny sky, witnessing the balloon take its own special course. And it was at that shot where it dimmed to black and the episode ended.

* * *

She didn't head out right away. She knew that she had to wait for just the right moment where she could slip undetected from Lori.

She had nothing against her big sister. She wasn't mad or annoyed that she couldn't see the same things she could. And it's not like Leni didn't trust her. Lori had always seemed to be her mentor, her voice of reason, her motivator. If anything, she was wrong for having this inkling of doubt, the need to cook up a talk with her mother. Why couldn't she just sit down and forget about it like she always had.

The nursery was a safe bet for where Rita would be. Sure little Lisa would be there too, but Leni figured she was just a baby so she wouldn't be listening. As for her other little sisters, they were probably downstairs hanging out with the others. It was the perfect time to have a nice private chat.

Leni made her way down the hall past the stair and opened the next door on the right. Sure enough, Rita and Lisa were the only ones in the room. But what she was thrown off by was the mess in the room. No, the room wasn't littered by broken toys or dirty diapers. Leni noticed that the carpet was instead littered by books. Just by a glance, none of them were familiar to her. She didn't see anything by Dr. Seuss or Shel Silverstein. Instead there were hard cover volumes that looked more like her textbooks than anything else. They were all scattered across the floor, some of them still open to some page in the middle.

"Hi sweetie," she heard her mother say. Rita was lying on the ground propped against a wall. Next to her was Lisa sitting upright, her little baby hands gripping one of the tomes and her head buried in its dense pages. While the baby was unfazed, the mother quickly noticed Leni's eyes moving about the room, "Sorry about the mess, it's been a long day."

The girl, though, continued to walk up to her mother and little sister. Even with them on the ground, Leni decided to stand.

"That's okay. Uh, I, like, have a question."

"What is it, honey?" Rita asked, smiling.

Here she was. She made it this far and the conditions were right. Before she advanced, all Leni could think about were those days she now spent with Mrs. Lane. She knew that she was by no means a malicious teacher; she had done nothing to provoke this sensation. That was largely brought on by her own silly thoughts. But now it was there and she might as well go forward.

"Do you feel sorry for me?" Leni asked. It then hit her to tack on a simple definition for clarification, "Do you, like, see me as slow, friendless, someone that, like, has nothing going for me? And, like, are you, like, only nice to you because you have nothing to gain from knocking me down."

Leni cringed as she finished that last part. No wonder she had to ask. She couldn't even come up with her own words to describe her feelings. What ever made her think she could make some conclusion like this on her own?

Meanwhile, she watched as her mother's eyes tinged and smile evaporated in a flash.

 _"So much for being the nice one."_

"Absolutely not. You are everything but those things," Rita said adamantly, "You're brilliant, you're kind, and you can do anything you put your mind to," the mother then examined her second daughter's face for any outstanding features. Thankfully there were no tears, no sad frowns, no pain in her eyes. She hoped they weren't hiding something, "Whatever made you think that?"

What was she supposed to say? Had she known she would be faced with such a question, she would have never bothered. She now regretted even coming into the room. Now, what? Tell her the truth?

 _"Have Lori get in trouble and mad at me. Make Mrs. Lane look bad when she has been nothing but good to me and the others! What have I done?"_

Her only response was a shrug. Her default.

"Is someone at school picking on you?" Rita asked, concerned. But now, Leni felt herself sinking in a nasty pit. Just moments ago, her mom was at peace enjoying her baby sister's company. Now, she had singehandedly rocked that boat, ruining her mother's whole day in one swoop. And all to satisfy her dumb curiosity. What kind of daughter was she, she wondered.

"Um, no," Leni replied, trying her best to not make her mother even more worried, "I was just wondering."

Rita exhaled, trying to relieve herself of the troubling thoughts plaguing her. The last thing she ever wanted was for one of her children to be too afraid to open up to anyone when they were in distress.

"Okay," she said before taking another breath, "I'm sorry, it's just that I care about you so much. All I want is for you and your siblings to be safe and happy."

Leni merely stood there, wishing she could disappear. As her mother spoke, she tried focusing on something else. She tried staring at her baby sister Lisa as she flipped another page in that massive book. Leni marveled at how her sister had barely moved or made a sound during her interruption.

"So," Rita said. Her voice was calmer, but even Leni could detect a hint of nerves in it. She regretted hearing that sad effort to be cheerful, all for her sake, "how did the meeting go? Were there a lot of kids there?"

"Yes," Leni answered, nodding her head.

"Are you making friends?"

Now she really regretted getting herself into this trap. And with that came a price to pay. She nodded once more.

 _"I'll try working at it some more."_

"Great," Rita said, throwing up a smile. At this point, it looked to be genuine again, but Leni was still uneasy. How could she be sure anymore?

"So, like, how has Lisa been?" Leni asked flatly.

"Wonderful," her mother said, gazing at her youngest daughter. She then reached a hand out to her, "Lisa," she chirped in her baby voice, "say 'hi' to Leni!"

Lisa and the book were like a united statue. It was as if she didn't hear a single word of the entire conversation she was near. Rita, though, curled her lips anyway and tried cooing the baby to look up from that monumental volume. Nothing worked.

"It must be a pretty fun read," Rita said. Her head then leaned forward to glance at the cover, where the title was printed in small gilded letters, " _Applications of Einstein's Theory of Relativity_. I would love to hear you talk about it with me and your big sister Leni," she added, using her hand to point to her second daughter. But for the most part, it was like talking to the wall the baby was leaning against.

Before another word could be uttered, Leni walked out. She stood like a pencil as she paced her way back to her room and sat on her bed. She stared at the wall closet to it, the one where she once drew pictures of her designs. Sure some of them still lingered in the attic, but their absence was uncomfortably noticeable. Leni couldn't bear to look at that blank plaster for another second. She forced herself up and went to her sewing machine.

 _"Time to get to work."_

Grabbing several pieces of fabric and scissors, Leni started cutting up clean pieces to be used. She neatly organized them on one side of the desk. She refilled the machine with a fresh bobbin of turquoise string and threaded the needle properly. And with that, she started running.

* * *

Leni found herself sitting next to the same five girls at lunch that Friday. Each of the five had green and purple salads that they occasionally took a bite out of. Leni, meanwhile, had already devoured her fruit bowl (which consisted of apple, watermelon, and grapes).

Even though she often found it hard to follow the conversation's flow, she had slowly been learning the names. She had already known Cassidy and Tara, but now she also knew one of them was named Whitney. And the others, well, they would come with time.

Suddenly, their chatter died and they leaned into each other. Leni looked up and saw a familiar girl pass by whose face appeared distant. The girl leaned away from the pack, her eyes avoidant. But once at the end of the line, her expression noticeably lightened. She even smiled a little as she waved directly at Leni. Leni silently waved back and stared at the girl as she continued past her. Eventually, she settled down at a different table with her own set of girls. Even Leni knew it was Carol.

"Can you believe her!"

"OMG! She is literally the worst!"

"Did you see how she literally gave us the cold shoulder?"

Only Leni could keep her eyes on Carol. She watched as the girl interacted with her friends. From what she could make out, nothing appeared malicious. She was smiling, talking, even chuckling at whatever her friend just told her.

Curious to learn more, she got up and made the walk over to that part of the cafeteria. The room was crowded and raucous, but Carol had a distinctive face that was impossible to miss. As Leni got closer to her, Carol's head perked up and turned to her. Leni could have sworn sher saw a smile pop on the older girl.

"Hi Leni. Do you wanna sit with us?" Carol asked. Leni figured that her voice sounded friendly and sincere. Carol's smile was noticeable and didn't seem forced. And all of her friends were focused on her; their mouths and eyes didn't look to radiate any form of contempt or pity. Those were good signs.

Leni moved forward and one of the girls nudged over, giving her room to sit down. She immediately accepted.

"So, Leni, how have you been?" Carol asked kindly.

She nodded, hoping that would spice up her response.

"Good," Leni answered, trying her best to make her voice sound chipper. It was moments like these that she found that it required a lot of effort. She wondered how other kids could talk with such vigor consistently all the time, "What about you?"

"Very good, thanks for asking," she said, sounding delighted. She then raised an arm and maneuvered it flawlessly across the group, capturing her friends' attention, "everyone, this is Leni and she runs the new Fashion Club."

"That's so cool! I wanna join," one of the friends exclaimed.

"Carol literally told me all about it this morning! That's fantastic!"

"Totes! That's the one thing this dump was missing!"

All of them were grinning. Sure, Leni found her own lips rushing upward, but she was quickly drawn to the others. Those big, white, flawless teeth directed at her. Leni assumed she could never size up to such perfection, so what did she ever do to deserve any of them?

"Hi Carol," Leni said gently, lifting her hand once more. Maybe that would ease ther tension, she figured. Maybe that would convince them all that she was cozy, "So, like, I was wondering if I could learn more about you. I don't know you very well."

Carol grinned.

"That's okay," she said. Leni could have sworn that Carol's eyes sparkled in that instant, "I'm in eighth grade, just like Lori. And these are my friends," she said as she pointed to each of them, who in turn waved back to Leni and gave those magazine-quality smiles, "Paula, Jessie, Sandra, and Danielle."

"Um...hi," was all Leni could say.

"Just like you, we all love fashion. The five of us are at the mall every weekend and it's literally the best. When I heard there was a fashion club, I flipped out and I knew I had to go to the first meeting. What you are doing is simply fabulous!" Carol said, her smile persisting the whole time. Leni kept her eyes squarely on her, fixated on any defects from her expression. Was Lori telling the truth about her?

"But literally, Carol is also Mother Theresa," Sandra said. Leni broke from Carol to focus on the new center of attention, "She's in the Honor Society and does so much community service!"

"Every Tuesday after school, she goes to this little girl's house and hangs out. She helps her with her homework, plays dolls with her, and is literally a big sister to her," Danielle interjected, finishing with a hand flick.

"Girls," Carol said, chuckling a little, "you know I don't like honking my own horn," she then turned directly to Leni, "I don't like to talk about that type of stuff," and just like that, she directed her gaze to the entire group, "So I guess that's all there is to me. I'm just your normal girl going to Royal Woods Junior High," she then turned back to Leni, "anything else you wanna know?"

It was as if she were reading her thoughts (however that was possible). While the recent experience with her mom gave her some warning of the scalding heat she awaited, Leni's curiosity would not relent. As she prepared to speak, her mind asked her why she couldn't just sit there like a dumb animal that doesn't question or think about anything.

"Um...do you like my big sister Lori?" Leni asked carefully.

Carol and the other girls nodded.

"She's a pretty good person that takes care of her family," she said, although her eyes wavered slightly, "I think it would be great if we could be friends someday."

"Why does Lori not like you?" Leni spat out. Internally, she slapped herself. After seeing a dubious eye slight like that, she just carelessly dropped that question. What was happening? She wondered why she was turning into an inexplicable monster.

Carol sighed.

"I haven't been able to talk to her very much, but I think it's because of my attitude," Carol said solemnly. She placed both her hands on the table and clamped them together, "I used to be a jerk and I left a lot of lame insults and...hurt feelings. I thought it would be so cool to show off all my stuff and be mean to those that didn't have those things. You could say I was like one of those spoiled brats in those high school movies."

As the older girl spoke, all Leni could do was feel bad for forcing this upon her gracious hostess. All so she could learn private information for what? At the moment, the end was nowhere in sight, making the means uncalled for. No wonder she couldn't make any friends, she figured.

"Sure I eventually got my act together, but that was only last year," she continued, "I guess there are some people that think I'm still a jerk. I wouldn't blame them. Change doesn't happen overnight, you know."

Carol still had her hands on the table, her eyes were largely downcast. Her other friends started giving her consolations and reassurances. The chorus of sweet voices and her guilt built up an energy in her arms and throat. Eventually, Leni thrust both her hands on top of Carol's.

"I'm your friend. I'm sorry I made you sad," Leni said rapidly. No 'likes', no hesitations, no stumbles.

Just like magic, her voice was the cue for Carol to speak up and separate her own hands, holding her open palms in the air. Sure enough, all the voices died down.

"Thanks girls, that all means a lot to me," she said warmly, accompanied by a smile and bright eyes. She then leaned in towards Leni, allowing the younger girl to absorb all those lovely and encouraging features, "It's okay, you didn't make me sad at all. And besides, you asked a question. You don't need to worry about a thing."

And then the bell rang. Leni jumped from her seat.

"Leni, wait!"

The Loud froze in place and turned frightfully towards the older girl.

"Don't you want to walk with us to class?" Carol asked. Accompanied were the high-pitched cheers and nods by her friends, "we would love for you to join us."

"No thanks. I have...class," Leni said, hoping that none of them would ask further. Thankfully, no such effort manifested.

"Well okay," Carol replied with a smile, "Well we would love to hang out with you again some time."

"Thanks."

Leni bolted off. The last thing she wanted at a time like this was for someone like Carol to see where she was heading. She was grateful she didn't have any food to toss in the garbage. She kept on walking, finding gaps between blocs of people to squeeze past.

What she felt was a wave of guilt, embarrassment, and anger. Why did she have to be so rude? Why did she have to be such a burden? To her, Carol was the greatest person on the planet. She didn't even consider the wrongness of Lori not liking her. All that mattered was how wrong she herself was for making Carol sad. The roller coaster she experienced in the last day felt more like a lifetime.

 _"Where am I going to?"_ was what she asked herself as she saw Mrs. Lane's door. Another session awaited her, which (she felt) was rightfully deserved.


	24. Lori's Authority

The machine mowed along in its steady rhythm. The vibrant orange fabric smoothly sailed across the needle plate, pampered by the presser foot's clean pumps. Leni's fingers carefully maneuvered the fabric, insuring that the seams are clean and straight. Whenever she reached a corner, she successfully turned it and continued on her way. This process, interspersed with her _Princess Pony_ mind movie and a pinch of privacy produced bliss.

One of the episodes from a few weeks ago had a new song. Leni wasn't the fastest at learning lyrics, but the tune was so cheerful that she couldn't help but hum it to herself behind a noticeable smile.

 _"This is gonna make someone happy!"_

She then heard the door knock. Her ear buzzed as she took her foot off the pedal. She twisted around her chair and saw two familiar boys, Lincoln and his friend Clyde. Seeing him made her lips stretch even further.

"Hi Linky!" she exclaimed, throwing up her hand to wave it. Her little brother's face flustered a little upon hearing that nickname. Clyde, meanwhile, chuckled at his friend's blushing cheeks. As she continued waving it, she remembered another phrase, "How are you?"

"Great," Lincoln replied, trying to compose himself. His voice carried some of the excitement Leni displayed.

"Hi Leni," Clyde said, grinning.

The two of them stood in the doorway as they tried to remember why they were there. Thankfully for them, Leni patiently sat there, happy as ever.

"So can you make me and Clyde costumes for Halloween?" Lincoln asked. He then reached for his pocket and pulled out a white wad and unfolded it.

"Sure! Where's the design?"

Lincoln handed it over to her. On it was two simple drawings. One of them was a red T-shirt with a black logo, something that looked like underwear, and a blue cape. The other was a shirt with blue around the edges, a swirl of white in the middle, and red dots. On the bottom was a series of numbers and labels.

"Can you get it for us by Halloween? It would mean a lot to us."

"Halloween's about four weeks away, so that should give you plenty of time," Clyde added.

Leni's smile slipped a little, but she caught it before it could mutate into something concerning. She then quickly nodded.

"I know, silly. I can get this done before that, even," Leni said.

"Thanks. You're the best, Leni," Lincoln said. He then led Clyde out into the hall. After several seconds of staring in the open space before slowly inching back to her machine.

She stared at the unfinished product before her. She thought about that thing Lincoln's friend said. Did he think she didn't know when Halloween was? She knew she didn't put on an air of intelligence, but she wasn't stupid. Right?

Resuming her sewing, Leni did whatever she could to get back to that special zone. She started humming that same song again. Maybe she should have learned the lyrics after all.

"Leni. Have you seen my babysitter uniform?"

Once again, the process halted. She turned to see Lori scrambling around their room, chucking shoes from under her bed and then shirts from the closet. Leni silently observed the panicked whirlwind, all the while thinking of the tyranny that would await her and her little siblings that evening.

"Leni! Answer me now!" Lori snapped, encroaching her. Her terrified eyes did their best to form a menacing glare. It worked. Leni felt her spine gripped by fear.

"You don't, like, need that thing," Leni said, stuttering.

"Yes I do!

And just like that, she felt herself being pulled into her place. But it seemed like she didn't know where that place quite was. Besides, it disturbed her seeing her big sister so distressed.

"I think you, like, look great just the way you are," she said, nervously putting on a smile. She hoped that Lori could understand that she really meant it. She adored her big sister's appearance and she wanted her to know that she didn't need all that makeup or fancy stuff. Lori seemed like more than a human, better than she herself could ever achieve.

"I need it! Now tell me where it is!"

And now that place was found. Leni lamented the fact that her sister kept looking at her like that. Lori's frown was nasty and her forehead practically had a single eyebrow.

"Like, I dunno," Leni answered softly.

Lori, though, was unfazed.

"Well someone literally stole it!" Lori said angrily. Suddenly, her eyes widened and she pointed at the sewing machine, "You didn't use it to make your dumb clothes, did you?!"

Leni felt her chest twist. Her sister leaned in to her, making her regret even opening her mouth. She shook her head.

"You better not touch it! Do you understand?!" Lori sneered, her eyes narrowing even further. The fear Leni could see within them was more apparent than ever. Even though she herself was scared, something told her that Lori was even more so.

"I do," Leni answered, trying to calm down.

After a few more seconds of leering, Lori leaned back, still carrying a firm lip. Leni took several deep breaths.

"Fine," was all Lori said.

Leni glanced past her and saw Lynn rush across the hallway docked in black boots, army green jacket, general's hat, and black sunglasses. Once out of sight, a shrill whistle rang out.

"Alright Lucy! Drop an' give me twenty!" Lynn's rash voice shouted.

"Hey!" Lori yelled back, sprinting out of the room, "I'm gonna rip your head off!"

Leni was distracted by the argument (mixed with shouting, mocking, and whistle blowing). She knew that Lori's threats couldn't hurt Lynn, but she was still disturbed by them. Not even the joy she got from sewing could mute or alleviate the unease she got from her siblings fighting. It was a shame she herself wasn't entirely above it.

"One hour of solitary confinement tonight!" Lori rashly proclaimed. Leni watched as her sister marched into the doorway and stood straight as a pencil. She was fully dressed in the Halloween costume, complete with the cheap sunglasses to hide her eyes. Her lip was simply a smirk (one of the corners was tightly twisted inward).

"Let _that_ serve as an example," Lori boasted, throwing in a grin to boot. Leni merely absorbed it, afraid of retribution. She slowly started turning back to her sewing machine, hoping the awkwardness would magically fizzle away.

"Eh-hem," Lori huffed out, forcing Leni to face her once more towards her desperate sister, "No one messes with me!" she said, only followed by silence, "I am the one in charge around here!" once again, nothing. Lori's face became noticeably tinged, worrying Leni. What did she want? Her big sister looked so vulnerable, "No one else can bring me down!"

The older sister even stomped her foot to boot. Leni saw that as her cue. She jumped from her seat and nearly tackled Lori with a hug. She couldn't bear to see her sister like that anymore. Did she have a bad day? Did some big meanie hurt her feelings? Lori had looked so frazzled in her search for her costume. Hopefully a little reminder could calm her down.

"Get off me this instant!"

The girl instinctively peeled herself away. Rather than anger, Lori's face merely displayed that leftover buzz. The two locked eyes in the midst of the thick air. Leni saw her sister's lips hang open, exposing her braces. She wondered if Lori wanted to tell her something, something important. But Lori's lips suddenly puckered as her hands fiddled with the whistle. She clumsily brought the instrument up and blew it, allowing its screech to ring into both of their ears.

"T-That will put you on warning," she uttered out. Lori then thought it would be a great idea to point, and so she did just that, "You are, are on warning. One more quick move like that," she then paused briefly. Her mouth temporarily showed her braces again, "and you," she said, poking her finger through the air, "will be in big trouble tonight."

Leni nodded.

"Now say 'yes m'am!" Lori barked.

"Yes m'am," Leni answered simply. Maybe that compliance would ease her sister's conspicuous tension. It did (a little) as Lori stepped back and her face slightly relaxed.

"Remember," she made out as she stood in the doorway, "I'm in charge tonight," and after a delayed point at her chest, she stuttered out.

Leni turned back to resume her work. Now, all she could think about was the challenge before her at school. Lori showed little interest in talking about Carol. After seeing her snap like that, Leni didn't dare consider bringing it up. The last thing she wanted was the knowledge that she had contributed to her sister's stress. And she hoped that tonight would be met with little conflict by anyone.

And then there was Carol. In her eyes, Carol was nice and outgoing. And she seemed like she was sorry for the way she treated Lori before. Leni had imagined her plan to be to ask her big sister to be more open-minded and willing to forgive. She herself had already forgiven Carol for those grievances she never saw.

 _"I'm sure that's what Rosy Cake would do."_

As she eased herself back into a rhythm, she slowly started humming again. That song sure was catchy and it did sorta lighten her spirits. As it went on, she marveled at the progress she was able to make. One seam after another came together, forming a clean cohesive unit. Eventually, she finished the dress. She pulled it from the machine and held it up.

It was a bright orange dress with red highlights spread out in different corners. Given the neck and sleeve sizes, she figured it could be worn by a kid around Lincoln's age, even if the dress itself was a little long. She hoped that there was a girl like that in town willing to wear something like this. After several seconds of examining her work, she smiled, hopeful that it will be sold. She gleefully folded it and placed it in a paper bag she kept on the floor beside the desk. Inside that bag were about four other articles of clothing.

Another knock on the door. Leni swung in her chair to see that the door was still open from earlier. Her mother stood there gripping a black garbage bag.

"Hi Leni. I brought down some old clothes from the attic that you could use in your fundraiser," Rita said as she propped it up against one of the walls. The woman figured that even with the abundance of small children in the House, they didn't need that many hand-me-downs, especially not Lincoln's baby clothes.

Leni grinned.

"Thanks Mom!"

Rita smiled and went on her way. This time, Leni rose and approached the garbage bag. She grabbed it and rested it on her bed, puffing dust and wood particles onto the sheets. Undoing the knot, Leni poked her head in the arid space to see the crumpled shirts, socks, and pants. She knew that none of the clothes were her's nor were they ones that she had ever searched through. Still, she smiled at the prospect of a lucky little boy wearing them.

 _"They'll ask all about my special little Linky!"_

* * *

The sun waned down as Leni finished up a purple shirt for herself. Sure her mother was willing to help with the hand-me-downs, but she also loved the idea of new homemade clothes. It was good practice and besides, she figured it would make her at least a little useful.

"Please Luan, not right now," she heard Luna say from the other side of the wall.

"Come on," Luan shot back, her voice mixed in with uncontrollable giggles, "Why don't they play poker in the jungle?"

A comedically-timed pause ensued. Leni made sure to keep still and quiet, lest she missed this funny moment.

"There's too many _cheetahs_!"

While Luna sighed, Leni felt the need to hack out some laughter. After all, Luan said something funny and when something is funny, you're supposed to laugh. All she had to do was keep at it long enough for her to know for sure that Luan could hear her. She wasn't gonna make the same mistake she made the first time she heard her little sister Luan crack a joke. Thankfully, Luan did stroll by the open door and grinned at her.

"That is funny," Leni said in between chuckles.

Luan replied with her signature laughter. The older Loud was relieved that her sister was in a good mood. Happy even.

Having finished a satisfactory amount of work for one day, Leni turned off the sewing machine and headed into the narrow hallway. It was only once she was out there that realized she had no idea why she walked out. She didn't have much of an idea of where to go or what to do next. Leni awkwardly rotated around, seeing the empty corridor.

As she tried resolving these questions in her mind, she heard a door swing open. She stumbled her way around to see Lynn emerge from her room.

"Hey," she said as she passed by.

"Hi Lynn," Leni responded. Her eyes followed her sister as she went to the bathroom, even staring at the door once it was closed. She supposed that was a nice distraction from her thoughts, even a means of giving a kind gesture.

"Hi Leni."

The sudden noise made her jump, even scream a little. She landed forward, her feet clumsily holding her up, and clamped her hand against her mouth. It made her eyes widen a little and her breathing hiccup a little, much to her embarrassment. Upon turning around, that humiliation spread when she saw Lucy's despondent figure.

"Sorry," Leni said, flushed with guilt. Lucy, though, sighed in resignation. Seeing her long face was depressing. Over the last few months, she had witnessed her sixth youngest sibling slouching more and smiling less (although she had never done that often to begin with). Her black hair (another oddity from a set of parents that wore blonde and brown) was being groomed less and less, allowing it to become an unkempt nest. And to top it off, she had even requested her to craft a special outfit, citing that none of the clothes in the attic were "dark enough". Leni agreed and happily put it together, but now that was all she ever wanted to wear (except to go to bed). Sometimes, Leni got concerned with her little sister's behavior. She wondered if there was any joy in her heart, underneath her smelly unwashed dress (perhaps a second outfit was in order to be made). And now she had supposedly hurt her feelings once again. So much for a reassurance, she thought.

Leni decided that for the moment, a hug was needed. With that, she lunged at Lucy, embracing her tightly.

"Are you okay?" Leni asked, worry apparent in her voice. All she could think about was whether this would be enough to make her sister feel better after the act of insensitivity she displayed. And to think she's supposed to be the older one.

"I'm as well as a violet right as the first snow falls," Lucy said in a monotonous drone, accompanied by yet another sigh.

While Leni's mind remained very much on the task at hand, she felt her mind enter a labryinth. The walls were towering and impenetrable, all the paths seemingly led to nowhere, and the her embarrassment mounted even more.

"What do you, like, mean? You're not a violet," Leni said. To make up for her lack of knowledge, she used her hand to start brushing her sister's thick unruly hair. Even if she couldn't understand what Lucy had to say, she could at least make her feel beautiful.

Instead, Lucy sighed once again.

"Nevermind."

Leni made sure to hold on to that hug, especially after that last comment. The last thing she wanted was for her little sister to feel like she doesn't matter. Especially not now. Maybe a little more brushing could help, which is what she did. And a pat on the back, and a gentle one at that. She refused to let go.

But in the end, it was Lucy that backed away. After some hard pushing, the younger girl pried herself away from Leni and solemnly walked away.

The older sister watched as Lucy retreated to her room. She stood there, feeling sorry for herself. In her eyes, Lucy didn't seem okay, nor all that thrilled to be around her. Trying to forget about it, she went downstairs and stood in the foyer. Keys rattled and Lynn Sr. emerged in a neon blue suit and a cool smirk.

"Hey there Leni," he said casually.

"You look great," Leni said, throwing in a smile of her own. After that last incident, she wished to impart good feelings more so than usual.

"Thanks!" he expressed, using his energetic arms to show off the outfit, "Your mother and I are heading out for a little bit. I thought I'd go old school with the same suit I wore to our prom."

The blonde nodded in agreement. On cue, heels tapped across the floor. Leni turned around to see her mother in a formal purple dress. Even from several feet away, Leni's nose was overwhelmed by the strong perfume her mother had applied. It was then that she realized it was those type of special nights, where her parents would act like they're going to the opera or some other high class event. Still, she admired her mother's efforts.

"You look great, Mom," Leni said, only to immediately regret the fact that she had used the same wording.

Rita giggled.

"Thank you honey. We shouldn't be out for too long. Lori will watch over you," she said as she joined her husband.

Before she could say anything else, the married couple flew out of the door. When the door gave a hardy slam. For several seconds, the house fell silent. Leni had largely internalized much of the background noise that was natural to the House. She thought her ears buzz from a lack of stimuli.

But with a lot of precious things, silence was short-lived. A piercing pitch sliced through the halls and staircase. Lori marched from the living room to the foot of the staircase. Her head mechanically swiveled like a robot, revealing her shady demeanor and firm lip.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lori asked, trying her best to come across as cold. Leni merely stood there, unsure of how to answer. She didn't know what she was doing, let alone what she thought about it. Lori, though, tucked her lips inward and shook her head.

"Get in line!"

Startled, Leni propped up her Ducky arms. By this point, it was an instinct. Given how she couldn't help this, she knew she didn't want to make it worse. And with that, she slowly and shamefully walked herself to the "line". Meanwhile, a blob of children filed down the stairs. Leni saw the dread in their eyes and lifelessness in their posture. Each of them lined up to her left, with Luna right next to her. Lori glared through her dark shades as she saw what she viewed as sad slaves.

"Now that I have your attention," she started, "you will do as I say. By now you know the drill, but," she then smirked a little out of pride, "I will be _honored_ to list them again," and with that, she halted for dramatic effect. She stood as straight as a pencil as she readjusted her shades, "There is to be no rough housing, no snacks, no messes, no TV, no Internet."

The babysitter then leaned into Luan, who recoiled in fear, "No jokes, puns, or tricks."

She then paced slowly towards the younger end, eventually stopping at the twins, "No going outside and no playing with the pets," she said, pointing her finger at Lana. The finger then took its sweet time traveling to Lola, "No makeup, no tea parties."

Both of them moaned and whispered some inaudible words (at least from Leni's perspective). Lori, though, scrunched her face.

"If you have a problem with that, then perhaps you can whine all you want in solitary confinement. I bet Lynn would love to have some company," she said, her grin growing to include her braces. And with that, she continued forward, this time standing right in front of Lynn, who rolled her eyes upon seeing the babysitter.

"In case none of you know," Lori announced to her entire 'platoon', one of the members folding her arms, "Lynn Marie Loud Junior," she said as slowly as possible, making sure every words hits like a hammer on a nail, "has been sentenced to one hour of solitary confinement for insubordination and complete disrespect of the sanctity of the uniform that proudly is bestowed upo-"

"Get on with it!" Lynn said, impatient with the unnecessarily purple description. Lori froze, offended even to hear such a snide remark. She did her best to bolden her expression and press on.

"Lucy," she said. The younger reserved girl snapped to attention, "Because your room will be where Lynn will be in solitary confinement, don't go in there," she then quipped a smug, "Unless you want to be sentenced too."

Lucy shuddered at the thought of enraging her intimidating older sister. She nodded.

"Yes m'am," she replied.

Having her boots cemented on the same spot, her head encroached upon Lynn, who was unfazed. Leni knew that Lynn wasn't one to be daunted by her siblings, no matter what their size difference was. Even now, Lynn mirrored the glare Lori gave her.

"Watch it, bud," Lori whispered through her grated teeth. And to add to the effect she desired to achieve, Lori even jabbed her little sister in the chest. Fortunately, Lynn wasn't willing to assault back. All she gave was a glare.

And with that, Lori continued with her stroll, still insisting on upholding the military-style professionalism she sought to impress. This time, she stopped right in front of Leni. Her body's first instinct was for her belly to churn. With those shades, her big sister was terrifying and commanded respect that she craved.

"No sewing," she said simply.

As Lori proceeded, Leni felt herself calm down. Sure she loved sewing and was disappointed that was prohibited, leaving her only to conversation and her magazines. But at the same time, the babysitter came across as gentler than she had to the other siblings. She didn't give her any especially sinister look (no glare, no smug, no leaning); Lori just gave it straight and moved on, as if she were merely talking to her. Why was that? Or was it just her thinking silly again? Maybe Lori actually had the most impatience and contempt and she just couldn't pick up on it. How could she know for sure?

Lori approached Lisa and bowed her torso down to the infant's level.

"No reading," Lori said exceptionally slowly and amplified. Even Leni knew she was using baby talk, but the way it came out was far more mocking than she hear Mom or Dad use.

"I'm gonna read so I could learn more," Lisa said slyly.

Everyone else (barring Lori) gasped. Lisa was no more than a month old, yet she could speak (and relatively well at that). Sure her voice was high, squeaky, and underdeveloped, but that didn't matter to them. Leni's eyes went to Lori, who's cheeks and lips were betrayed by the shock of the disobedience. For a good ten seconds, she was too startled to even speak. Leni swore she could see Lori's true self in that moment of vulnerability. She saw a person that wasn't able to properly handle authority nor sought to. It was uncomfortable to witness something like this; Lori always seemed like the type of person that would know what to do. But soon enough, her face emboldened and her hands gripped.

"You are to do as you are told," she declared, trying her best to reassert herself. Lisa, though, appeared...unusual. At first, she was glancing at the ground, as if she was observing the material of Lori's boots. But then, Leni observed her youngest sister fidget in her spot.

"But it's stupid!" Lisa shouted, her face shooting back up. The outburst shocked everyone once more. Not only was their youngest competently talking, she now had attitude. This time, Lori was quicker to react.

"You are on warning! How dare you commit insubordination upon me!" Lori barked back, forcing her body upon Lisa.

"No!"

In a swift motion, Lisa stomped Lori's foot. The babysitter screamed as she hopped in an effort to heal the stabbing pain. In this interlude, Lisa sprinted up the stairs.

"I will not be inhibited by your autocracy!" she exclaimed as she dashed upward. She reached her room and slammed the door, the crash clambering around the entire House.

The remaining younger siblings watched nervously as Lori took her time nursing her foot. For a small child, Lisa really knew how to inflict pain. Was that something she read in those dumb books or was she wearing cleats, she wondered. Lori figured she wasn't gonna yell or anything; she already knew Lisa was gonna be in solitary confinement. She was in too much distress to scream or anything. Eventually, she lowered the foot on the ground and stared at each of her "subjects".

"No one is to see her as a role model," she said. Her voice may not have been loud, but it was seething with anger, an emotion that all of them immediately internalized, "Now go about your evening, wherever that's supposed to be."

Most of them immediately headed upstairs, presumably to their rooms (or in Lucy's case, someone else's). Leni, though, stuck behind and walked up to Lori.

"Are you okay?" Leni asked.

Lori shot an impatient look at her little sister. She could tell some of the pain from the strike was still painted on her face.

"Go to _my_ room," she said, out of breath and willpower, "That is an order."

Leni wanted to say something else. Clearly, her big sister wasn't well (though the amount to which that was owed to Lisa's outburst was dubious). She saw it as her duty to look out for Lori, the least she could do for all the years she had received support from her. Anything, a kind word or a hug, could have and should have done wonders to her.

So why did she choose to head immediately upstairs?

Perhaps it was a fear of retribution. Maybe it fell under some weird guise that following this "order" would make her big sister feel better. Either way, it didn't make her feel very good.

 _"And_ _to think I have to ask her to forgive Carol...How am I gonna get this done?"_

One step at a time. Up those shameful steps.


	25. Lori's Domain

Leni sat on her bed scanning through her phone. It was quiet, given how Lori was still on "hall patrol". She wasn't exactly sure why that step was necessary, but she immediately assumed that it was. After all, Lori was always right.

The girl checked all her usual websites. No new _Princess Pony_ fanfics or fashion videos on TubeTube. No text messages or friend requests on EyePage. Nothing fresh to read or watch. To her, it seemed the Internet was having the slowest night ever.

Putting her phone down, she got up and leaned towards her nightstand. She dug through its contents. The thing was largely jumbled and disorganized, which forced her to remove some of the stuff and place it on the top. One of them was a clean sheet with her name and Lori's birthday on it. Feeling a pang of shame, she carefully slid it on the bottom, ensuring it was out of plain sight. Eventually, she pulled out this week's issue of the lucrative _16.5_ magazine. Before doing anything else, she strategically placed everything back in the drawer, obscuring that white sheet in the process.

She held up the magazine and stared at it. Even after spending a whole afternoon in her dark cramped drawer, the cover still bore a glossy shine that glittered along her vision. The older girl that dominated much of it had flawless cream skin and immaculate chocolate hair. Gazing at her wonderful image made her think of her older sister. Was this what all those silly products doing on the bureau? She had seen models like this girl in _16.5_ before, but she herself never strove to make her face look like their's; her only interest was the clothes.

"Hey! What does a guy have to do to get some privacy around here?" she heard through the corridor and walls.

"Oh wah!" she heard Lori, mock pouting, "Am I ruining your little chit chat with your loser friend?"

Leni couldn't even get the magazine open. The amplified conversation was too much of a disturbance. She wondered how Lori could aspire to be someone so beautiful when there was clearly much work to be done.

 _"That's mean. Linky's not a loser!"_

"Take that back right now!"

"Well I don't have to! You know why?" Lori exclaimed, her voice smoldering with nasty glee, "Because _you're_ the one breaking the rules. I forgot to report it earlier, but talks with people outside the House are prohibited...Give me that walkie talkie."

"I don't wanna!" Lincoln protested.

"Would you like solitary confinement? Huh. I have already put two in there and I would be happy to put more!"

"Why can't I have this? Mom and Dad let me talk to Clyde all I want when they're home."

"Well...um...Mom and Dad aren't here...just give it to me!"

"I don't wanna!"

Leni was trying to tune out the outside fighting. No one in the House liked it, but most of them appeared to tolerate it. She, though, couldn't stand it. It brought all of her thoughts and activities to a grinding halt, yielding to the tension (whether it's having to witness it or trying to block it out). Leni was shocked that others were able to still function and go on with their routine as it happened and was even more so by the fact that they would even participate in it.

"One hour solitary confinement!" Lori exclaimed, followed by a deafening slam. Leni heard footsteps quickly increasing in volume. And then, her door swung open and Lori emerged, gripping a black brick-shaped object. Leni tensed up a little as she heard her big sister sigh and easily lie down on her bed.

"Lincoln Loud, do you copy?" a voice broke out through a static barrier. Leni immediately figured it came from the walkie talkie and, from the sound of it, was Lincoln's friend from earlier. If only she could remember that boy's name, "Lincoln Loud, do you need me to come over? Please copy."

Lori sighed, her mouth pressed against her bed sheets. Suddenly, she propped herself up and grabbed the device.

"My brother is done for the night. Now go away!" she snarled into the machine.

"Yes m'am," the voice said terrified. The static then cut out entirely, silencing the walkie talkie.

As she planted it on her night stand, Lori sighed once again. But rather than it being natural or suggestive of tiredness, it was forced and carried all the subtlety of a cartoon show. To boot, she even threw out of her arms, as if she were yawning. She hoped to capture her younger sister's attention, but her head was buried between the covers of _16.5_ magazine.

"Let me tell you," Lori said, making sure every word was articulate and projected, "it ain't easy putting up with a bunch of babies. If it weren't for me," she then jabbed both her hands (which were shaped like daggers) firmly into her chest, "this entire House would fall apart!"

"Like, why did you have to be mean to Linky like that? You could have, like, just let him keep talking to his friend," Leni said.

Through her shades, her attention-hungry eyes noticed that Leni was still inside that gospel. Leni couldn't even bothered to meet eye-to-eye for that audacious comment. Perhaps, she figured, even more theatrics would be required.

"I mean think about it," she said as she got up and started wandering aimlessly around the room, "here you have Mom and Dad gone and suddenly the House becomes all," she then stopped and slapped both her cheeks between her palms, forming a sandwich. To add to it, she put on her best damsel impression, "'Oh no! We have nine babies inside and they're gonna run around, break things, insult each other, and ruin everything! If only we had a super special, very important person to stop them!'"

She then took one of her hands and turned it into a fist. As she struck it in the air, she planted her feet and gave an ideal smug.

"And then I swoop in to save the day," Lori said, trying to evoke a sense of pride and triumph, "I say 'No! You can't do that!' and then I say 'No! Mom and Dad don't want people over the House!' and then everyone will see me and that is why they do as I say. They'll say that nothing around here would work without me! And then Mom and Dad will say that I'm doing a good job! And then I'll think the same way!" she then desperate gleamed as her eyes returned to her intended demographic, "So what do you think?"

That did get Leni's attention, or at least got her to put down the magazine. Her face, though, lacked any expression on it, worrying to babysitter.

"So, like, the House can talk?" Leni pondered. Just like that, Lori found herself mentally banging her head against an imaginary wall.

"No, but you know what I mean," Lori said, annoyed, "The point is that without me, everyone would misbehave," she then forced herself to imagine each of these scenarios, although it took more effort than she would like to admit, "If I wasn't here to tell you all what to do, then you would be making a big mess with your sewing machine. Plus, I'm pretty sure you would hurt yourself using that death trap. I don't wanna have to put up with Mom and Dad over _that_."

A brief moment of silence ensued. All Lori hoped to assume was that Leni was taking her time processing this.

"Really?" Leni said.

"Yes!" Lori exclaimed, sporting a cozy grin.

Another pause.

"I'm, like, in here by myself a lot. Whenever I use the machine, I'm, like, pretty careful and I don't get hurt," Leni said matter-of-factly.

Meanwhile, Lori was stricken. Although she still had that smile, it was starting to feel more awkward and her cheeks were starting to hurt. Why did Leni have to undermine her like this? Was she trying to drag her down or something? Still, Leni continued.

"In fact," Leni said, her head turning to the bag beside the machine, "Just today when I was in here all by myself, I made some lovel-"

"And what about Luna!" Lori blurted out. Her younger sister stopped talking, but didn't immediately turn back to face her. The babysitter told herself that she had to keep going to stay alive, "Oh Luna. You never know what that girl is up to. She'd probably...um..."

 _"Come on, think of something!"_

" run away from home if I weren't around to keep her in line," she made up, ignoring the weirdness of the thought, "Surely, you've seen how she can go from running around to feeling sad in the blink of an- err, very quickly! I wouldn't want her to put those two things together, you know."

Leni did her best to put all of this together, but her older sister kept going.

"Then there's Luan. Without me, she'd go full on April Fool's Day in here! I can already see the emergency room and the paramedics trying to fix your broken fac-uh then there's Lynn! Never forget about her! Football field, basketball court, dirt bike track all indoors! Priceless valuables...gone!"

Lori amped up the theatrics through melodramatic tears and even more flippant arm movements. All Leni could do was let her mouth clumsily fall open. At this point, Lori was speaking too quickly for her to have any emotional reaction to her cry for help.

"Now don't even get me started on Lincoln! He's just a gross, disgusting boy! Just imagine him and all of his boy friends getting their dirty hands and feet all over our room. Imagine your precious sewing machine getting smashed or jammed or touched! And Lucy? Well she'll just sit around talking about how sad she is all the time! I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up running away from home too! Lana would track mud and maybe even bring in a spider! A spider! Doesn't that scare you? Lola would lose her freakin' mind and terrorize all of us, being an even bigger jerk than I would ever hope to be! And Lisa? Well, she'd probably learn how to build some weird machine that would blow up the Hou- No!...the entire town."

At last, there was a pause. For the first time since she started speaking, Lori took a gander at her audience. Leni appeared unfazed, deflating her spirits a little.

On the other side, Leni was left mostly confused. The most feeling she truly got was when she said 'spider' (the mere image of that fuzzy creepy crawler was enough to make her heart jump in her throat). But she wondered if her other siblings were really like that. She didn't think so. Most of her siblings were pretty nice people (even if some of them were grumpier than others).

But the more noticeable feature was Lori's face. Neither Mrs. Boxer nor Mrs. Lane had gone over every possible nuance in human expression, but Leni felt she had developed a pretty good system for determining if someone was at least alright or bad. Looking at her big sister, she saw a smile that was forced and revealed her braces-coated teeth clenched tight (as if she were a lion devouring its prey), cheeks that were firm and had beads of sweat dripping down, eye brows that were unusually lifeless, and a posture that was far too animated and overcompensating to be natural. Even if she couldn't put her finger quite on it, Leni determined that her sister was not well.

"Lori, um, are you, like, okay?" she asked, her unsupported voice a strong contrast to the hammy, booming refrain that preceded it.

Rather than answer, she merely stretched her arms again (as if she hadn't already given them proper toning. Leni watched as her older sister did several exercises that took up a decent span of time. She lacked the will to interrupt or press her because she felt these movements were answering her question. The specifics may have been blurry, but Leni had a hunch (one that she felt was best reserved for another time, at least until after she fixes the problem with Carol).

"Sorry about that," Lori eventually said, her voice cartoonishly inflated, "babysitting is such a draining job that I had to do a refresher," she then shot Leni a condescending smug, "But don't worry, you'll never need to understand. As long as I'm around, I will have it in me to take up the duty!"

Deep down, Leni still felt as if some things were out of place. What did her sister mean by her never needing to understand? Is her big sister hiding something and if so, was it something she wanted to know? However, Leni was suddenly reminded of a powerful force that lied under her surface.

 _"Why can't you just take her word for it? You're being silly again! Lori is always right and you have no reason to say she isn't!"_

Ultimately, it was that trust that won out. She figured that she couldn't dare challenge her sister or make her more upset than those thoughts proclaimed her to be. It told her that she was just rebelling in the false pursuit of being right. All it would have left is shame and hurt feelings. And with that, she nodded her head.

"Okay," Leni said gently.

Leni turned back to her magazine and started looking at the pictures, giving Lori the opportunity to settle on her bed. This issue had some really interesting designs in it (no wonder the price tags were unaffordable). She considered all the creative ways to make new designs, whether they were copies or reimaginings of what appeared on the colorful pages.

But just as she was about to become complacent, an alerting thought dragged her out of the immersion. As she stared at the open magazine, Leni found herself unable to keep herself at peace.

 _"Is_ this _how the whole night is gonna go down? You have a super big thing to do and you're just gonna push it off again!"_

Leni's head jerked to Lori. The babysitter sat on the edge of her bed, her back as straight as a pencil. She silently observed Lori, trying to spot any movement. But she never slouched, leaned, or anything. It was as if she were a night watch woman, completely focused and above any form of distraction.

Even with that voice shouting in her head, Leni was unsure whether the time was right. It was like this force was telling her that she should back off, let Lori do whatever it was she was doing. Besides, she was Leni Loud. When was she ever the one to press an issue when it didn't have to do with stupid clothes? But on the other hand, she recalled how much she liked Carol (even though she got weird vibes from some of the stuff she was saying, ones she still couldn't put to words). Leni felt a tinge at the thought of letting these relations go unresolved. All she wanted was for everyone in her Fashion Club to be happy.

"Lori," Leni said, shutting the magazine and lying it down on her bed.

"Do you have permission to address me?" Lori stated, her body frozen and her voice affirmative. Leni was stunned. Lori had only acted like this when she was babysitting and in that costume. Did she really feel like that was necessary to do her job and keep the House together?

"I don't know, like, do I?" she asked, genuinely confused. Not helping was the seemingly strange use of the word "address". It briefly preoccupied her from speaking, but she triumphed. Oh, how she thought Lori would be proud.

Instead, though, she sighed.

"What do you want to talk about? What is so important that you have to take my attention away from these troublemakers?" Lori asked begrudgingly. That remark was the only sound Leni could make out, however. Out there, surprisingly, there were no other conversations to be heard (or games or any rumbling). It was as if Leni herself were the troublemaker, giving her mixed feelings. She had doubts about falling through that started to resurface again. If Lori's word was anything to go by, Leni felt they shouldn't be a reason for this effort to be embarked on tonight, that it would only upset her even more quickly than when the parents were home.

 _"Why won't you go away?"_ Leni thought to herself. She was glad that during all of this, Lori remained a statue at her post. Who knew what type of things she was letting out by thinking about everything.

"Um..." Leni made out, trying to give herself time to debate the situation. Eventually, she cleared her mind and proceeded, "I talked to Carol again and I don't think she's as mean as you think she is."

As she dreaded, Lori groaned. This time, though, it was enough to break her guard; she shook her head and swiveled around the bed.

"Ugh. Why do you keep talking about her?" Lori asked nastily.

"Because, like, I want you two to be friends and to be happy. She's-"

"How many times do I have to bring it up? We are done! I will never forgive her for the way she treated me back then!"

Now seemed like a good place to quit, or so it seemed again at first. It felt like every word only hurt the babysitter even more. And when she knew Lori was hurt, she felt that way too. But then she remembered Carol again, that sweet yet sorry face. She imagined her pleading for Lori's forgiveness, her eyes welling up with tears, only to be slapped in the face and left to weep. Leni feared that scene as much as the one unfolding before her.

"But she told me that, like, she wants to say sorry to you," Leni said. Although her voice still sounded largely robotic, pieces of her conviction were picking their way through it, "can't you give her a second chance?"

"Can't you just leave me alone?"

Lori shot her a glare through her shades, the fire in her eyes searing the opaque plastic. Leni broke what limited eye contact she had with her sister, preferring to let her vision rest on the blank wall where her innocent drawings once hung. Had she really descended so far as to "rebel" against Lori? What kind of sister was she, she asked.

"Why do you even give her the time of day?" Lori asked, tinged with resentment. Leni, though, kept her eyes on the wall, "Sure she has nice hair and fancy clothes and an expensive purse! She wears makeup and...she has been winning friends left and right since last years," a brief, telling pause, "But I'm those things too!"

At this point, she could no longer keep herself looking away. Leni turned back to se Lori. She was standing up and pacing around the room again, flippantly flapping her arms for some strange reason.

"Look at me!" she continued, raising her voice and pressing her hands against her chest, "I have every good thing she has and more! I'm up to date on the new fashion trends! I have all the makeup I need to look stunning every morning!" she then pulled out her phone, which had a "diamond"-encrusted case and her small white purse, "Look at this stuff! It's stylish!"

Throwing both of those things on the bed, she continued pacing the room. It was like she was spilling her feelings in a diary; the company was enough to reassure her but (as she assumed) not smart enough to comprehend or give meaningful advice. Leni felt herself growing increasingly concerned as her sister kept speaking.

"And who cares about being in some dumb Honor Society anyway? Sure you can go out there and save the whole world or whoever! But you don't need any of that," Lori then froze and pivoted towards Leni. Lori desperately approached, using whatever body parts she could to point at herself, "You have me! You have me to keep this dump from falling apart! And as long as you need me, that's all that ever needs to matter! Who cares about that stupid Carol? She couldn't keep this place in tact if she tried! But I can!"

Leni grew uneasy from watching Lori descend into despair from this whole ordeal. She was confused, trying to think what she did to make her open up so...transparently. Why was Lori suddenly acting so animated and paranoid?

"You're right about one thing," Leni said, "I do need you."

She still wasn't sure what exactly her big sister had wandered off into, but either way, she got up from her bed and hugged her big sister. Lori trembled at first, but those words were at least enough to keep her from blowing her whistle. She just remained frozen in that spot, letting her sister display her feelings. After the roller coaster she went through from that one rant, a hug certainly was nice.

"Did Carol make you feel bad about yourself in the past?" Leni asked, still locked in an embrace.

"Yes. She literally showed off all her stuff even back in first grade and she made fun of me for looking ugly. But she's literally wrong!" Lori said defensively. True, she told herself now that she had fantastic taste for fashion, but when she was younger, even she admitted that Carol's insults stung.

"Okay. She, like, doesn't do that anymore and she even said she wants to be friends with you again," Leni said.

Lori, still in the hug, laughed sarcastically, worrying her younger sister.

"You're so cute," she said, "there's no way she would ever want to be friends with a 'low-life' like me."

All she got in return was a tighter hug, making Lori regret using those precise words.

"She really means it. She said it in front me and, like, all of her friends," Leni replied, her voice filled with compassion whose authenticity Lori couldn't hope to chip at, "Carol has so many friends. She likes people and she wants you too," Lori then felt another tug, "and, like, you are not a low-life."

As she heard her little sister speak from the midst of a warm, intimate moment, Lori sensed inklings of compassion trying to break away at her fortress of stubborn pride and humiliating memories.

"Well if she has so many friends, then what difference would _I_ make to her?" she asked pointedly. Indeed, the steel walls were harder to melt than any 'hard feelings' Leni could have developed for anything. That was certainly one major difference the sisters had (one of many obvious distinctions).

"I'm sure she, like, um, would like more friends," Leni said, though she had difficulty finding words to defend herself, "She said she would want to be your friend. And, like, don't you think she would have, like, not said your name if, like, she didn't mean it? Friends are, like, good and, like, um, you can never have too many."

Lori wasn't sure how to tackle that. Sure, she still carried a significant amount of doubts about that argument. The notion that Carol was an overrated snooty still clung to her like Leni. She didn't like having to face facts on the matter, preferring to blind herself with those earlier memories of her rather than the glimpses of good deeds she had seen around the halls of Royal Woods Junior High in recent months (and it certainly didn't please her to consider herself delusional).

 _"What do_ you _know about friends? You don't have any!"_

But feeling the warmth of their togetherness told otherwise. It may not have made her willing to take Leni's word at face value (she resented herself on the occasions where her rationality forbade her from doing this), but it did convince her of one thing; the absolute sincerity of it all softened her attitude, created a hole in the wall rather than leveling it.

"Okay," she said without smiling, "if it'll make you feel better, I will give Carol a second chance."

She felt Leni nudge her head and stare up with wide eyes and a small smile. Lori was almost tempted to smile at seeing her sister's hopeful face.

"I want to make something perfectly clear, though," Lori said staring at her sister. She tried to sound affirmative, however her throat was naturally relaxed and softened from the mushy fuzzies. Leni, though, kept those eyes on her, pleading for her to continue, "I will be open to changing my mind about her, but that does _not_ mean that I will end up liking her. I want you to know that because if I end up not becoming friends with her, then it won't be for a lack of trying," while she could see a different personality take this opportunity to take off the shades, she actively decided against it, "Understand?"

Leni immediately nodded without a word.

Worrying that she would have gotten too weak, Lori pulled herself away and stood straight as a soldier. Perhaps it was good enough, given how Leni oddly decided to emulate her posture. She supposed it was respect, obedience, dependence (the last one being the most important). But even with all that had happen (or maybe because of them), Lori couldn't be too harsh on her immediate younger sister.

"I will be out for Hall Monitoring duties. Do not sew," she simply said.

And with that, Lori marched out the door, leaving the girl to herself. What she felt was a combination of ease and nerves. She was relieved to have accomplished her goal (kinda). It may not have been a golden guarantee, but it was more than she could have realistically expected. Leni Loud, the advocate. To her, it didn't seem like a title she could have attained. As far as she could recall, everything that involved other people hinged on them taking the lead and her to be the audience (the response rather than the leader). There may have been a few minor incidents of her initiating an action or conversation, but to her, what did they matter? It's not like anyone remembered them anyway (including herself). She supposed it was a little exciting.

 _"But what about how you made Lori upset?"_

That was a genuine point in her mind. At what cost did her personal gain come at? There were doubts, even at the outset, that it was worth it (even if the "pain" was fleeting). Not helping was the poor timing.

 _"Maybe I should have caught her when she wasn't acting so weird."_

And why was she weird like that at all? Mom and Dad were never so open like that in front of her. Was it something on Lori's mind? Did she catch a bug? Was it something about her?

Personally, it was a question that guided Leni the rest of that night. Even when she returned to her precious magazine, she never let the thought be forgotten. The ads for makeup and hair products made that an easy job, even though Lori never returned to the room until bedtime.

 _"Was she just mad at Carol?"_


	26. Thinking Loud

Once again, Leni found herself sitting outside the pack of "popular" girls. As usual, they were chatting and occasionally taking a bite from their salads. She herself decided to try one for herself. Leni eyed the mixture of green leaves and herbs of assorted colors.

Picking up a plastic fork, she jabbed the plate and pulled out a small leaf and an orange strand. Leni briefly stared at it before ingesting the mixture. It was dry on the outside, yet contained some juices on the inside. Some parts of it were tasteless while others had a muted flavor to them. In a sense, it truly did taste like it grew from the ground (or as natural as the cafeteria could prepare it). She wasn't sure how to feel about it, so she decided to keep eating it in the hope that more exposure would allow her to make up her mind. At least with the other foods she liked, she immediately knew what to think of them.

As she ate, her eyes wandered elsewhere in the cafeteria. It was from there that she saw Lori take a seat next to Carol and her friends. She was too far away to detect her reaction, however she was relieved that even by Monday, her big sister had still remembered her promise. Whatever they were discussing, Leni dismissed, telling herself that she can just ask Lori at the end of the day.

With that, she returned to her own situation, eating more salad and watching the same five girls talk about their day.

"So then I literally said 'I'm not paying fifty dollars for this dress' and walked out!"

"What a ripoff! Is he trying to make you go broke?"

"But now I got nowhere to go! You honestly think that I'm going back there after they tried to charge me that much for rags!"

"There's the Fashion Club," Leni said. Just like that, without any thought, she decided to blurt it out for all to hear. Perhaps it was all that time of hearing them speak rapid fire to each other, teaching her that unless she rose up at their pace that she was never gonna get a word in. For her, thinking slowed down the process too much.

All five of the girls clammed up and turned to the sound's source. Leni tensed up at their gazes. They had never stared at her before and she wasn't ready. Her eyes darted around while her ears didn't pick up any voices, or at least not right away.

"Oh yeah, I saw a flyer from that," Leni heard one of them say. In that moment, she was too nervous to internalize tone or subtle social nuances. Even with that, she at least tried to keep herself still and focused.

"Do you know if it's any good?"

"Yeah..." Leni replied anxiously. By this point, she was twiddling her thumbs to concentrate the surge of energy flowing through her body. Granted, she had little clue on how much clothes they would generate for their sale, but it was better answer than none, she supposed.

"You know, I think I might come to the next meeting," one of them said, "but it better be good."

Sure that remark was a little sharp, but Leni didn't care all that much. This scenario blurred the lines between daydream and reality; the fact that she made it this far astonished her.

"I like clothes and I make them too," Leni added.

"Oh that's cool," Whitney said flatly as she took out her phone and started tapping on it. She didn't bother to ask what it was she was doing.

Assuming she had given sufficient input, Leni retreated to her salad and quickly took another bite of it. The sparks firing in her mind blew away the salad's irrelevant taste. It was only now that she could take a step back and reflect what had happened. Her heart bounced around at how quickly and lively the conversation had transpired. It made her wonder if she really did that or if it were someone speaking on her behalf. Either way, it was simply exhilarating. Her hands became jittery, allowing her to scarf down the rest of the salad as if it were a tasty hot dog.

Still excited, she got up and paced to the opposite end of the cafeteria with her plate to toss it out. No need to wait until the end of the period or acknowledge any of the trash cans she passed en route. All she could think about was how proud Lori and her family would be if they witnessed that. She, the least social in the family, initiated a talk with a bunch of girls that called themselves popular.

In the hopes of adding to he mound, she stretched her neck over to the section where Carol and Lori were seated. Unfortunately, they were too far for any of their faces to be discerned. Granted she could have gone closer to do some inspecting, however she didn't want to impose. Besides, that "milestone" she fulfilled was quite a lot for socializing. She didn't need to overdo it, she figured. So with that notion in mind, she headed back to the table (though that didn't prevent her from staring at the duo the whole time). Leni didn't bother tuning into the "popular" crowd's conversation, her mind too preoccupied by excitement and curiosity. Perhaps today would mark the splash that ended this dry spell.

At this point, the future seemed bright. Lori and Carol were gonna be besties. Lori would stop bugging her about making friends. The Fashion Club was going to grow and help all sorts of people, not just students at special schools. These thoughts (fantasies) carried her all the way to the bell. Not even waiting for her "friends" to pack up, Leni got up and paced all the way out of the cafeteria.

The transit from there to Mrs. Lane's room was brief and unfazing. All she could think about was the rush and how she planned to announce it in front of the others. They were gonna be so happy, she thought.

"Hi!" Leni chirped as she flung the door open and bounced to her seat. Her bright eyes were immediately locked on Mrs. Lane, who was carrying a soft smile.

"You seem excited," Mrs. Lane observed, "anything on your mind?"

It was like the teacher had telepathy. Either that or she was getting better at expressing herself. Just getting the opportunity was too much for her.

"I made new friends today!" she blurted out, her jubilance practically outrunning her mouth movement. It was only then that Leni realized she was smiling herself, a gesture that was purely unconscious. This all appeared to be good signs.

"That's wonderful," Mrs. Lane replied as she went to the white board and started writing the daily itinerary on it, "maybe as soon as Jake and Billy get here, we can talk more about this."

"Okay!"

With nothing else to do, Leni started to tap her foot on the tile floor, her head occasionally snapping back to the door. With all the ambiance of unintelligible chatter emanating in the background, it was impossible to detect either of their distinct voices. Sight really mattered at that time. Leni also checked the clock to calculate how much time she would have to discuss her "discovery". Even though it felt like an eternity, the clock rigidly moved like a glacier in icy waters.

Soon enough, Billy marched in, his form stiff and mechanical. His limbs were like wood and his face was mostly expressionless. But Leni didn't mind, because that's his usual disposition.

"Hi Billy," Leni said happily.

"Hi Leni," Billy answered before raising his palm. He took one of the seats next to Leni and stared at the board. With him in place, Leni turned back to the door and waited for her other classmate.

Thankfully, it didn't take long for Jake to hustle in. His entire body bounced all the way to the other seat, the contents in his bag clanked and clattered along.

"Hi Jake," Leni said, still carrying that smile. Jake, though, started slapping a rhythm on the desk. He may not have been one of those music kids and the beat was certainly not what one would hear on any single, but Leni didn't mind. Her classmate appeared to be having fun with his boisterous playing.

"Jake, Leni just said 'hi' to you," Mrs. Lane said as a gentle reminder. Upon receiving it, he stopped and did his best to face Leni (almost making it).

"Hi Leni!" he excitedly exclaimed with a chipper grin.

With no other greetings presented, Mrs. Lane pointed to the agenda she wrote on the whiteboard. All three of them directly their attention to the teacher.

"Good afternoon everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend," Mrs. Lane said, standing in front of the room. Seeing her students' excitement was enough to make her happy, as evident by her face and relaxed posture, "Leni, is there something you wanna share with us?"

By now, some of the steam had dissipated and it wasn't as overwhelming, but she still felt the fresh jitters of the event.

"I, like, got to talk to some girls today and now we're, like, friends," she said, her mellow voice baked with hints of the joy that had stolen her heart. Upon finishing, she gently sealed her lips and eagerly anticipated the reaction. Sure enough, Mrs. Lane was the first to jump to life.

"Well I think that's swell. Don't you two feel the same way?" she asked, using her open hands to gesture to the two other classmates. Indeed it was greeted by half-mumbled acknowledgements, authentic reactions to a reminder of how to compliment someone. Leni liked it, "So how about we take some time to go over what makes a good friend. That way, Leni can have the tools in her toolbox to talk, listen, support, and provide for her new friends. And then we can all use these tools when we talk to others."

It turns out that was the primary objective written on the board with blue marker. It was chilling. At first, she thought it was just the same thrill she was feeling earlier. But then that monotony was broken up by a question. If that was the only thing up there, then what was Mrs. Lane going to cover had she not revealed that information? Would it have been the same agenda? Leni contemplated whether or not Mrs. Lane had to forego some of her plans, all to satisfy the quick outburst she made. Why didn't she just wait until after she started describing her original plan, to know for sure what her true wishes were.

"Now the first thing we should do is get to know who these friends are," Mrs. Lane said, her posture and tone unchanged from that serene tranquility, "Leni, do you want to tell us a little about these friends?"

The image of all five of those girls bunched together, chatting the lunch period away about who knows what tempted Leni to tell a grand story. With the emotions that struck her from it, she thought that it was possible to spend the entire class period just dumping all sorts of knowledge regarding all of them.

"Well, like, there's five of them and they are all girls. They eat salad a lot," she said, pausing to think over what else to say. It was one of those times where she realized that there was a big difference between how much she thought she needed to say and what she was actually able to get out. There were details she thought could be expanded into full sentences (paragraphs even), but never made the final utterance. Eventually, she find something she could craft into audible words, "And one of them, like, is named Cassidy."

Once free from her thinking, Leni saw the board and trembled a little when she saw that everything she said had been documented. And with nothing else to transcribe, Mrs. Lane turned back to her.

"That's a pretty good list so far," Mrs. Lane said. Leni, though, felt weird how her own teacher could consider that lack of detail good, "Is there anything that you like that one of your new friends like?"

"Clothes."

The whole reason she spoke to them to begin with and one of the small handful of topics that were hot enough to become instantly recognizable, instantly worthy of mention. Even though she knew Mrs. Lane wasn't with her during that crucial lunch, there were times where it felt like Mrs. Lane knew exactly what to ask her that would trigger an appropriate response (whether it'd be for Leni's pleasure or her own purposes).

"Okay, so you have something that they like too," she said, inscribing 'clothes' on the white surface. Once it was clear enough for all to read, she turned and gestured to the whole group, "Now can any of you tell me what Leni can do to make her new friends happy?"

Jake shot his hand up and shook it around, hoping to be noticed. Indeed, the wild gesture was detected and Mrs. Lane pointed at him.

"How about they play with Legos!" he suggested. All Leni could think about was the amount of Legos that sat in Jake's backpack. They were his favorite toy and they were all he ever talked about when in 'class'. She merely smiled as she genuinely asked herself whether those girls would like Legos.

"Well Leni could find out if her friends play with them," Mrs. Lane responded, "if they do then they could use them. And if they don't, then she could find something else they like," she then used her marker and pointed at what she had written down, "Now we already know that her friends like clothes. So what type of things could they do that involves clothes?"

The trio then brainstormed various activities involving clothes. Leni raised her hand and looked around, seeing if either Jake or Billy had any ideas of their own. None of hem did. She presumed it was probably due to her status as a girl who likes clothes. As the only person with a suggestion, Mrs. Lane happily pointed to her.

"Like, I think we could go to the mall," Leni replied. It was the first thing she thought of, yet she smiled a little thinking of all the shopping options that were there.

"Very good, Leni!" Mrs. Lane said as she wrote that suggestion under 'clothes'. Indeed, it made Leni feel accomplished, "There's all sorts of stores and kiosks at the mall where you can look at, try on, and buy all sorts of clothes. I bet you and your friends would like going there," and with that, she pointed to Billy, "Billy, do you have any ideas?"

The boy stared at Mrs. Lane for a few seconds. His face only moved when he blinked and when opened his mouth.

"Talk about clothes," he said robotically.

"Yes," the teacher responded, nodding her head. She whipped around and also wrote that on the board, right below the 'mall' suggestion. Leni would never admit it openly, but she did take some pride from her suggestions being at the top of the list.

She abstained while Mrs. Lane continued to ask for various suggestions regarding clothes. It wasn't that she didn't know what type of fun activities there were (she did seeing, read magazines, and tried on all sorts of articles), but she felt far enough ahead to where she could lean back and give the others a chance to catch up. Besides, some of them had some pretty fun stuff to say. Jake suggested doing karaoke in fancy dresses while Billy opted to play imagination games (where she and her 'friends' would draw their dream outfit). While Jake envisioned playing baseball in high heels, Billy thought of opening their own clothes shop and work out the actual financial figures needed to make it a success. With all their creativity, Leni started to wonder if they needed as much 'catch up' as she first thought. It might have made her a little self-conscious, but she didn't let on.

"Okay, we seem to have a lot of great things that Leni and her friends could do about clothes," Mrs. Lane proclaimed, observing the long list of various, quirky activities that Leni could see herself enjoying, "Leni, do you know any other interests your new friends have?"

And then she was stuck. She thought that after sitting down "with" these girls that she was bound to pick up other things beside clothes. The student recalled that they mentioned something about a music band somewhere, but was stumped over the precise name or genre. She could've sworn she heard them discuss something that happened on TV, but for all she knew it could have been _Princess Pony_ or _Real Times_ _Under the Sun_. Why couldn't she remember something? Why did she jump the gun?

"Um..." she said. Internally, a clock was ticking down with its cold, definitive beats. She didn't want to think about what would happen if and when the time ran out. In that interval, she asked herself if it's better to lie. To be a liar was a terrible thing. Plus, she knew from experience that her attempts at dishonesty were unconvincing. Without a way to get away from it, she simply closed her mouth and shook her head.

"That's okay," Mrs. Lane reassured her, "As you talk more to them, you'll get a better understanding at what they like to do. But let's do a little pretend and say that one of them really likes plants," with a smile on her face, she enthusiastically wrote the word on the board, "Now what type of things could we do to make this friend happy?"

In the following section, Leni made sure to raise her hand as much as possible to throw out whatever suggestions she could. They weren't as creative or out-there as Jake's (who wanted to make a jungle playground for a monkey to swing around), but she tried her best. As she got more and more of her ideas on the board, she pampered herself even more, to compensate for that one embarrassing lack of an answer.

There it was. It was happening again. As she sat there, the voice telling her to up her game was amplifying.

 _"No more mistakes! No more dumb stuff!"_

Leni shivered within her own skin as she became intimidated by her classmates' responses. They were so creative, so spontaneous, so brilliant. It was as if they were both geniuses that were spouting knowledge by the roll of the tongue (whether it was growing a garden or buying a book about fauna or sending a bouquet of flowers). How were they able to do that? And meanwhile, she could struggle to make out to talk about roses and lilies and daisies.

Behind the blank face she maintained throughout the discussion, Leni realized this wasn't the first time she had these bad feelings. Whenever she went to Mrs. Lane, she always sensed that something was out of place, but the exact source varied.

Some days she blamed the class's slow pace. Since fifth grade, she stopped feeling like every session was a new learning experience; there were days where she was learning something she already knew. She may not have shown it, but she got annoyed by the monotony, the teacher's inability to trust her with remembering stuff for more than a year.

But then on others, she drew her finger to herself. For all the compliments she's receiving regarding her "progress", she still doesn't view herself as a social butterfly. Sure, some of it was from her introverted nature (spending time with Lori or her family, however much she loved them, was mentally draining). But when she had the space to think clearly, Leni also recognized that she was ill-equipped for meaningful conversations with other people. She lacked the practice or ability with socializing to make herself a virtuoso, and sadly no amount of therapy could resolve that. She knew there was a reason why the mere act of talking to these "popular" girls was enough to send her over the moon. It could have been to anyone, on any topic, for any duration and it still would have made her happy.

On that day, it definitely felt like the latter was responsible for her distress.

"Like...there's...um...a cake with a flower on it," Leni stuttered. Surprisingly, that ended up on the board too.

As she mentally slapped herself, she definitely registered the latter as the culprit. By this point, she was stuck. Any effort to disentangle herself from this conundrum was pointless.

 _"This is why you're weird! And not in the good way either."_

It was times like these where she wished she could get out of this room. Regardless of what day it was, she felt she no longer belonged in this room, having Mrs. Lane to spoon feed her while the other kids upstaged her.

Smack.

 _"Look at yourself! You think you're gonna make friends with that attitude? Think of how Jake and Billy would feel if they heard you say that!"_

Leni wasn't even tuning into the conversation anymore. Still holding a blank face, she turned first to Billy (whose stoicism was impossible to decipher) and then to Jake (who was fiddling with his fingers). Thankfully, none of them could hear her mental tirade and she was glad for it. The truth is that she liked both of them. They were nice, cheerful, and creative.

 _"Why don't you ask them to be your friends?"_

She had given it some thought before. Leni admitted it would be nice if she got closer to one or both of them that it would blossom into a fulfilling friendship. Maybe they would understand what she was going through, dust off these cobwebs and move on. Jake could probably get her into Legos and she could teach him how to sew. Billy could tutor her in math while she showed him where to find the best clothes for the lowest prices. It was a nice fantasy, indeed.

But would it really work out that way?

For all the admirable qualities they possessed, both of them had many challenges at the friendship game. While Leni never pressed them for details, she never heard them talk about other people outside their family. While they were good at participating at discussions, she had yet to hear them weigh in on any fears they've achieved (no new friends, no successful conversations, no remarkable observance of social rules). How would she know that they'd be willing to befriend her if they had no interest in applying what they learned from Mrs. Lane.

 _"There you go badmouthing them again! Why can't you just say that you're the one with the problem?"_

Leni was ashamed for resorting to assuming things. She figured that was the price for her not asking questions. Maybe deep down, they did want to make friends but they too lacked the confidence or ability to speak up or work at it. It was from that notion that made Leni wonder if others viewed her the same way.

 _"Of course they would!"_

The bell rang, thrusting Leni out of the mess. Mrs. Lane erased the board while Jake and Billy grabbed their things.

"Great job everyone! I hope we can all use this when we're talking to others and I will see you tomorrow," Mrs. Lane said cheerfully.

Leni awkwardly grabbed her bag. Her chest twisted as she thought about her options. Would she do it? Would she step outside her realm to truly start making real friends?

Jake and Billy were fast. As soon as their bags were on their backs, they bolted out of the room. Leni, though, was too slow in speaking up, as she usually was. She was barely standing up when they were already gone, leaving just her and Mrs. Lane.

"Once again Leni, I am proud of you for finally making friends," Mrs. Lane looked at her fondly, giving a warm smile.

It took her a moment to collect her thoughts. She wished her teacher hadn't said that. It felt mocking, as if her teacher already knew everything and was just privately shutting her down. But it was mean to hold hard feelings on other people, especially those that mean well. After all, it was her own fault for having a broken brain.

"Thanks," Leni said meekly. There was no pride at this point (or at least not yet).

As she shuffled out the room, her mind returned once more to the five girls at the lunch table. Sure they act uninterested towards her (even with their appreciation of clothes). Sure she herself was socially awkward for barging in their conversation. Sure she had an "unchecked" ego for being too quick to celebrate. And now she let Jake and Billy get away, the two people she felt were her true gateway to friendship.

But now she was being too judgmental towards others. Leni realized she needed to learn more about those five girls, her friends. Maybe once she got closer, she would peel back the exterior and see them for the sweethearts they truly are. They can't be that bad.

 _"I owe it to them to right this wrong,"_ she said as she stumbled to her next class.


	27. Friend Making

The last two periods were slower than usual. It was times like these where Leni was her head could face the board without absorbing any of the teacher's information. While she blankly stared at the board with her glazed eyes, her mind was all over the place.

She was so close to asking Jake and Billy for something (a phone number, a special spot at lunch, a hangout, anything). Maybe that day would come when she finally talks to them and gains something tangible to show off to Mrs. Lane, Mrs. Boxer, Dr. Henry, her parents, and Lori.

And speaking of Lori, there was still the overwhelming question of what her and Carol were doing during lunch. Leni regretted not doing a quick walk by their table to gain some passing insight. Why did she have to get so excited over a small matter?

And what about the "popular" girls? At best, she only had her foot in the door for them. She had yet to actually get to know them or for them to appreciate her. Sure they like clothes and that's a better starting point than none, but how would she proceed? How could someone as clumsy and weird as her stumble into an insulated community and make something of herself? Leni recognized that she had something to prove, especially after she let her little mouth flap around.

Eventually, classes ended for the day. Leni stuffed the homework worksheets in her bag and staggered out of the room. She proceeded follow her usual routine for Mondays (go outside by the flagpole and wait for Lori to cozy herself out). But today she noticed how quickly she bolted out there. She always got to the pole first and stood there for minutes on end.

Leni lazily watched others walk off in clumps of two or three, whether down the street or on the bus. Their pace was leisurely, a relaxing stroll where they talked about their day, the weather, or the latest news around the school. And there she was, gripping the hot metal pole with her mouth clamped.

She envisioned the very scenario that was holding up her big sister. Lori was most likely still in the building, decompressing with her friends by her locker. They must have been chuckling, standing around, barely giving her a thought. She didn't blame them for wanting to hang out, but the more she stood there sinking in boredom, the more she regretted her tentative approach to socializing herself. She could have invited Jake or Billy to this spot, chatting about Legos and math while waiting for Lori (who herself could have befriended both of them).

At last, Lori arrived. Off in the distance, she saw her sister wave at a couple other girls boarding a yellow school bus. Leni retracted her hand from the pole and brought it to the other. The two hands respectively met at her waist.

"Hey Leni," she said, coming up to her.

Without saying anything, Leni joined her sister and walked alongside her. She wondered if Lori would question her lack of a verbal greeting, hoping that she wouldn't. Luckily, they just kept walking.

"Hi Lori," a relaxed voice said.

The two Louds turned to see a girl with striking blonde hair. Lori recoiled at how saturated and bleached the mess was (her hair was practically like Lincoln's). But the girl didn't seem to mind her own hair, given that smile she gave. But not helping was the group of girls surrounding her. They weren't the "popular" girls that Leni recognized, but they utilized a similar fashion style of leather jackets and expensive dresses. Regardless, Leni didn't express anything and Lori forced a smile that mirrored the girl's.

"Hi Emily," Lori said, trying to emulate the relaxed tone the other girl seemed to master so well.

Before another word could be exchanged, the two entities were too far away. Apparently, the group was headed towards the bus while the Louds opted to walk home.

"You know her?" Leni asked plainly.

Lori shot a pair of furrowed eyebrows and a demeaning stare towards her. Instantly, Leni felt ashamed for irritating her sister.

"You're telling me you don't remember Emily," Lori said. Granted, she knew that Leni didn't always have a reliable memory, but sometimes she was baffled by the things she forgot (especially when compared to the multitude of minute fashion knowledge she had on standby), "We were friends when we were little. You knew her!"

As recollections of the girl surfaced, Leni felt worse, even with the distinct image of brown hair. She knew for a fact that something didn't add up.

"What's up with, like, her hair?"

Lori scoffed.

"She dyed it last year," she replied, half joking, half mocking. The mixed tone was enough to confuse Leni, "Clearly, she has no idea how to use it."

Leni turned around, trying to catch sight of Emily's hair, but the girl was gone by that point. Looking back at Lori, she wasn't smiling. It did concern her a little.

"Do you hate Emily too?"

"No," Lori said casually, "just because we aren't close anymore doesn't mean I hate her. I mean it's not like she's a diva or anything."

"Oh."

The two walked silently for the next half minute. Leni thought about the real question she wanted to ask, the one she had been dying to press. At first, her chest hurt too much to open her mouth. It was as if the butterflies had broke out of her tummy and worked up to tickle her heart. She was glad she wasn't much of a talker; otherwise, Lori would be demanding to know what was wrong. After several deep, easing breaths, she opened her mouth.

"So...how did it go?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Lori asked, confused.

Leni tensed up at her unclear wording. So much for Lori being able to pick up on a simple question. What else could have happened with her anyway? She took another inhale.

"How did you and Carol, like, do?" Leni asked again. This time, she forced up her hands, trying to make each one represent a member from the conversation she saw at lunch. This time, Lori's inquisitive brows lowered and she broke contact.

"Fine," she answered under an exhale. That magic four-letter word was enough to brush those butterflies away, "It was literally nothing special. She told me about her life and...she asked me about mine."

Just as she had hoped. Lori was capable of getting along with others, even if they were apparently a meanie. She smiled, causing Lori to get annoyed.

"See," Leni said through that sunny grin, "now you two are friends!"

"No," Lori shot back, folding her arms, "that is _not_ how friendship works. I may have liked what she said, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna start coming to her for everything."

That was a weird thing, Leni thought. For most of her life, friendship seemed to be easily in reach for someone as sociable as Lori. Go up, talk, have a good time, and become friends. Did Carol accidentally say something mean to her, something that gave Lori reason to doubt this transformation. That would have been tragic, a sunken opportunity. But then she remembered those girls, the ones she used as a prop to make herself feel better. What did she have to show for what little effort she put out there? Now that she thought about it, she shouldn't have been all that surprised.

 _"Silly Leni."_

"Are you, like, gonna see her again?" Leni pondered.

"Yeah," she replied.

Just like that, that nagging voice was muted. A load was lightened off Leni's head as her big sister swooped in to save the day. She smiled once more as she looked at the shining road ahead (a little difficult, given how the sun was in their eyes). There was no more need for questions. No pressing to be done. As long Lori was trying, nothing else mattered.

Meanwhile, Lori was left sighing as an ice and fire storm each clashed in her mind. She occasionally cast a glance at her little sister and that dumb smile she carried. Leni appeared so innocent, unaware of the nuances junior high brought.

Sometimes she looked back and was marveled at how a person like her could have gotten as far as she did without getting eaten alive. But the answer always came back to pity. That four-letter word, that minimal ounce of meager respect mixed with heaping mound of bitter arrogance, she believed, was the one safety net that kept Leni from falling into the abyss. It was for the best, not being bullied or outwardly insulted. Everyone else had it for her little sister. And sometimes, even she resorted to it.

She hated herself when she did that. She should know better than to go by first impressions. And yet, it remained an occasional habit, a shortcut that relieved her of the burdensome task of remembering the true Leni; the one that was a skilled seamstress, a capable observer, a good pair of ears when she needs to blow off steam. How does she feel knowing about pity? Given that grin, that nauseating smile, she convinced herself that she took it well. Leni seemed like a glass half full person, so why is this even a debate, she wondered.

Carol. That's why, she figured. Lori knew she wasn't lying about her interaction; there were some moments where she knew this reformation was the real deal. Carol was the type of person that could sound sweet when she needed to be, the one that knew just right anecdotes to share and how to squint her eyes as she's performing. It could almost be like she, Lori Loud, was wrong when it came to the people game.

Well, she had just enough about that.

 _"I'm not a fool!"_

* * *

"And that's all I have to say," Leni said as she headed back to her desk. She shot a quick look to Carol, who was calmly seated on the other side of the room. And then there was her own seat in front of Lori. Yet, she couldn't stop staring at her sister's friend.

"Thank you Leni," Mrs. Barnes said warmly, "well I must say that time moves fast. The sale begins next Thursday, the day after Halloween. While we have collected quite a bit of clothes," she said. Leni briefly averted attention, preferring to look at the mountain of bags in the corner, "we can still get even more from kids' costumes. So if you have any family or friends that won't be needing their costumes after Wednesday, tell them they can send them on over here. Any questions?"

Everyone sat silently. Looking at Carol, even she had nothing to say.

"Great meeting everyone. Good luck on your collections," Mrs. Barnes finished.

The students collected their bags and got up. Some of them bunched together into clumps to converse about their after-school plans. Leni, though, walked across the room holding her unzipped bag in front of her, leaving Lori confused. She caught Carol before she could exit.

"Here you go," Leni whispered as she discreetly pulled out a square wrapped package (with a paper attached to it) and handed it to Carol.

Before the girl could reply, Leni bolted out of the room, Lori being forced into the catchup role. Lori was baffled by her sister's especially clumsy, rapid movement. She gave a silent wave to Carol before power walking out the door to meet her younger sister.

"What was that?" Lori asked, finally getting up to Leni's uneven pace.

"Oh...um...Carol told me, like, something..." she said, her eyes staring at the exit towards the hall's end. While Lori was used to not having eye contact from her little sister, this was unusually deliberate. She immediately suspected that Leni was trying to lie to her.

"What did she say?"

Her eyes bore into her sister as she witnessed her face mangle several different ways. They were almost at the door when she finally opened her mouth.

"Um...I dunno."

Lori was mystified. After being caught so easily before, she supposed that Leni wouldn't even bother with fibbing. She was tempted to roll her eyes at how terribly, how forced, how flimsy this coverup was.

"What did you give her anyway?" Lori demanded.

"It's...uh...a secret. I'll, like, tell you soon," Leni hastily responded.

A surprise from Leni. Since when has she ever been able to provide one deliberately? No impulses, nothing that threw her off, no one there to spit it out of her. As they headed out into the cloudy sky, Lori asked herself if she was gonna ruin it. It wouldn't have been hard. Leni could have spat it out with a few additional questions and then felt bad about herself for not keeping a promise.

But that wasn't the sister she wanted to be, or at least not at that moment. Leni could use this to make herself feel good. And besides, it could be fun for herself.

So, with an eye roll, Lori silently continued the walk Joe with her sister.

* * *

Leni happily hummed a Rosy Cake song as she placed her crochet needles back in her had been an extra long Wednesday shift (finishing up for the start of tomorrow's sale, and other things), but she was still moving. Her body was full of life and her voice was just about ready to sing the entire _Princess Pony_ soundtrack.

She held up her finished work. And it was just in time too. Bouncing out the room with her creation, she turned left and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Okay, you can come out now!" Leni said, barely containing her excitment.

From the other side of the door, she heard the sink running. For about two minutes, that was the only sound that made it out into the hall. She figured that would happen, given how Lori snagged her essential products from the bureau.

Eventually, the water ceased, however the door remained shut (and locked). Through the wood, her ears vaguely picked out incoherent mumbling. At first, she thought it was just Lori putting away her products and that her big presentation was just moments away. But soon, yet another minute passed with no emergence. Soft garbling continued to emanate from the room and Leni got concerned (and impatient).

Rushing back to the room, Leni scrounged in her big sister's nightstand and pulled out a thin metal hairpin. Out of habit, she bent half of it and clasped it between her fingers, using it as a handle. Heading back, she bored her eyes at a small, narrow hole in the middle of the door knob. Leni knelt down and jammed the straight half into the hole. After minimal jiggling, she heard a click. That satisfying sound pleased her and she promptly swung the door open.

Lori, who was standing in front of the mirror, was startled. Her neck swiveled and upon seeing Leni (and the "key"), her face wrinkled.

"What the heck?!" Lori exclaimed. To her, it didn't matter that she was already done with her makeup, "I was literally gonna be out in a minute! Why couldn't you have just waited?"

Was she, though? That was an awful long time the sink was off and none of her products were in her hand (or open for that matter). Leni, though, was still ashamed at her lack of proper timing. She suddenly thought she was never able of choosing the right time, always opting at precisely the wrong one. While she was stuck in a trance, Lori swung her hand in front of her and snatched the clip she had been holding.

"You broke it!" she added, holding up the bent half, "Why do you have to keep taking these? When will you learn to mind your own business?!"

Leni stumbled back, propping up her creation with her Ducky arms. As a fuming Lori encroached upon her, she caught note of the object. It was a sky blue knit sweater big enough to hide her sister's torso. The stitches were tight, leaving the holes invisible from afar.

"Here," Leni made out meekly, nudging the sweater forward. The connection was made silently, beneath the pressing issues and her frustration's smokescreen. Instinctively, she snatched it as well, the yarn bunches filling her claw. Its softness did little to alleviate anger's roaring wave. Leni, however, cowered in the face of her intense glare, and growl, as if she were a giant spider. By now, her Ducky arms were the only thing keeping her upright. Seeing that, she knew she couldn't yell at her anymore. What gain would have come out of smashing a glass plate? So instead, she cast her an eye roll and retreated to the bathroom, slamming the door.

How foolish. Boorish and inconsiderate. Leni stumbled back to the room, too ashamed by the reminder of her latest blunder. Sitting on her bed, she tried breathing through her stuffed lungs, her mouth being a narrow straw. Her heavy head was leaning towards the floor. Everything plummeted just like that, all in the span of a simple click.

It was only now she remembered what Lori had told her before about her hair clips. So much for timing. And that fantasy of her making a grand presentation was long gone. At this point, she wouldn't blame Lori if she chucked that disgusting garb in the trash. Was she really gonna get attitude with her big sister for having done that, she demanded. She had hoped not. She wanted to at least salvage something from herself.

The door clicked. Leni's spine shot up, as if it were that whistle were blowing. As she expected, Lori entered with all her makeup essentials in a disorganized clump and the sweater hanging over her left shoulder. Once at the bureau, she dumped all of the containers on the surface, leaving an isolated clatter.

"I'm sorry," Leni blurted out while her sister was still facing its mirror, "I really wanted to give you that sweater and, like, I got super worried wh-"

"It's fine, Leni," Lori replied lazily.

That's it? No further rant about hair clips or privacy? Leni exhaled timidly, thankful that her sister wasn't staring at her. Her eyes were too scared to face the mirror, lest she face its reflection. Instead, she looked at her legs and raised a finger.

"So, like, what do you think of the sweater?" she asked.

Lori finally broke away from the bureau and gently slid the sweater with her hand. Now having calmed down, she could sense its light weight, homely look, soft touch. She found it a shame that she resorted to anger when presented with something as comfy as this. She smirked a little.

"It's pretty good, but why did you make this for me?" Lori asked. It was a genuine question. Her birthday and Christmas were still far out. And she already had a Halloween costume in place. It was an unusual gift.

"Like, I wanted you to, like, wear it when Carol comes over," Leni answered. The cute image of Lori wearing something sky blue (her favorite color) made her giggle a little.

Lori, however, scoffed.

"You can't be serious," she snarked as she lifted her arm and readjusted her hand, letting the sweater hang like a banner, "we're just hanging out. It's nothing special."

But Leni felt otherwise. Over the past month and a half, she had observed Lori when it came to Carol. Every day at lunch, she tried to catch to see where her sister sat. There were (many) days where Lori opted to sit with her established clique, which settled in a different part of the cafeteria. And on those occasions where she caught her with Carol, she pressed her about it, determined to squeeze every juicy detail. But now, here they were, when they would finally have a hang out. Even Leni knew that hang outs were something that friends did, a major milestone when it came to interactions. So what better way to celebrate than with a homemade sweater, a memento of the day Lori made a new bestie.

"Please," Leni begged, "it would be really sweet! And, like, I think Carol would like it."

Lori noticed how Leni's eyes widened as she spoke. She couldn't help but be baffled. Leni was trying to give her a 'lost puppy' look. What was she getting at anyway?

"You really think so?" she asked point blank. Lori wanted to express that those eyes, cute as they were, weren't the reason she was inquiring.

"Yes! And you two will, like, look back on it and smile and stuff," she answered, smiling. And then she held up both her hands, "Please."

By this point, Lori couldn't put up with it anymore. She stretched out the sweater and slipped it on over the shirt she was already wearing. It was a little tight on the arms, but everything else fit snuggly. How Leni was able to determine her size without a tape measure or question was beyond her. And once she saw Leni grinning from ear to ear, it didn't matter anymore.

"Yay!" she exclaimed as she eagerly took out her phone. Leni flipped it up, perpendicular to the ground, and tapped her index finger on the circular button. A white light shone on its top for several seconds, went out briefly, and then blinked.

It was during all this that Lori realized what was going on. Sure it was annoying, but there was nothing to be gained by getting the photo blurry. Indeed, Leni stared at the screen and giggled.

Lori rolled her eyes. That laughter tickled her curiosity

"Give me that!" Lori said teasingly as she swiped the phone from her sister's loose grip. Holding up the screen, she saw herself dazzled. Most of her body came out decently, although her irises were grainy, oval blurs. It was far from her ideal appearance, but it wasn't like she looked ugly in that sweater. She guessed it was sorta cute.

"Could you, like, text that to Carol?" Leni asked.

"What?" Lori said, smiling a little, "It's your phone, so why don't you?"

"I don't know her number."

Lori's little smile faltered. What originally seemed like a strange request just amplified. Looking over the phone, Leni was still grinning. Did none of this faze her?

"Leni," Lori said. She wasn't entirely sure what approach to use (tough love or concern), so her voice was wobbly. Thankfully, her sister nudged her head, a form of acknowledgement, "This whole time you've been wanting me to be friends with Carol and you didn't even get her phone number?"

Her younger sister, though, simply shrugged, annoying Lori. It bugged her how out of sync Leni was much of the time. When it came to reactions, it was always either too much or too little. This binary approach, no matter what, ever seemed to hit the right mixture of emotion.

"Don't you wanna be friends with Carol?"

"Yes," Leni said, "Carol is nice to me and you and she likes clothes."

It was a chipper, authentic response. Lori would have known if she was trying to weasel out of it. And perhaps because of that, all that was needed was a simple lesson. It wouldn't be the first time she stood there and passed insight down to her naive sister.

"Oh Leni," she started, lightening her tone, "if you're gonna be friends with someone, you gotta get their number some time," and without an additional thought, Lori added, "that way you can stay connected. Does that make sense?"

Leni nodded.

"Good," Lori replied. Returning to the glowing screen, Lori tapped her thumb to the contacts menu, "Luckily I know her number, so I'll just put it in. And then when she gets here, you can give her your number."

"Okay," was all she heard.

But before tapping the 'Add Contact' button, Lori couldn't help but the list of existing contacts. She knew deep down it wasn't right for invading her sister's privacy, but the list was right in front of her in big black bold letters. How could she avert her gaze? Another inescapable feature was the sizable space of empty white occupying the vast bottom.

 _"Dad_

 _Lori_

 _Luan_

 _Luna_

 _Mom_

 _Pop Pop"_

It was saddening, even with her extensive experience with Leni's habits. Glancing up, she saw her sister staring at the carpet below. Seeing these names made Lori want to say something, anything. Give her a lecture, interrogate, console, whatever it was. But no answers were clear, aside from one.

Her thumb rapidly tapped the button and she quickly filled in all of Carol's contact information. It made her glad she had the number memorized, lending itself to a speedy process. After clicking save, she casually handed over the phone. Leni stared at it and grinned once again. To Lori, that was all she needed. A happy face.

"She's gonna love this!" Leni exclaimed as her fingers maneuvered their way across the phone's keyboard.

Meanwhile, Lori decided to gaze at the mirror again, perhaps to keep Leni from getting suspicious. She postured herself into multiple stances (hands on the hips, arms folded, leaning forward and back), seeing how she passed off the unique outfit. It wasn't gonna be that hard putting up with Carol for a few hours, but having this comfortable sweater certainly was nice (and good looking).

The door knocked. Both their heads perked to the open door leading to the hallway. The phone and mirror quickly became ignored as the two headed out. For once, Lori let Leni take the charge, opting for her to feel accomplished and social. It was least she could do after being met with that barren contacts list. At the bottom, Leni flung open the door revealing Carol.

Lori didn't know what she expected. Carol stood tall in the doorway, sporting a sky blue knitted sweater. And then she remembered that package Leni handed Carol back on Thursday. As it all came together, she wanted to do something to Leni (call her out, laugh, use her fingers to indicate what she wa wearing). In the moment, though, she just blushed.

"Hi Lori," she said, chuckling at the sight before her.

"Leni literally planned this."

"Figures."

Carol's eyes shifted to Leni, whom she waved at fondly. Thankfully, the other Loud detected the message and mirrored that expression. As she did this, Leni saw the girl pull out her phone and present it to her.

"You planned a little surprise for us," she said, the screen open to the picture Leni took of Lori. Leni recognized the picture and admitted that it was a good shot she made. But what stuck with her more was the warm atmosphere Carol gave off (helping matters was the hint of perfume), "well you got me. I was really happy with what you did."

"Um...thanks," Leni answered meekly. It wasn't that Carol scared her or that she wasn't proud of her work. She just didn't want to come across as annoying. She stood there are the two older girls followed each other up the staircase, intent on going to the bedroom.

Leni then remembered that tonight was Halloween. She knew she was getting too old to dress up, but she loved it. Every year, she always tried to get a colorful, lovely costume (whether it was at the store or from her sewing machine). This year, she opted to make herself a vibrant flamingo costume. It had been finished for weeks and was just sitting in the closet, waiting for her to pull it out.

Racing upstairs, she bolted into the room and spotted both girls sitting on Lori's bed as if it were a park bench. All she gave was a quick wave before ripping the neon pink garb off its coat rack. She didn't want to be too slow, lest she disrupt the atmosphere of friend making.

With a hearty shut to the door, she thought she could slow down to take a breath. But her brother filled her eye's corner.

"Hey Leni. Did you finish it?" Lincoln asked.

"Finish...what?" Leni pondered. She knew that tonight was Halloween, but there was too much going on for her to understand a moniker as vague as 'it'. It was a genuine question.

"Our costumes. Clyde is gonna be over here in an hour," Lincoln replied.

All of it came back. It hit her like a stack of bricks. She recalled how her little brother had reminded her on several occasions about Ace Savvy. The image of the drawing he gave her seared in her mind (it had been sitting in her drawer for well over a month). How did she let something in the realm of fashion slip her by? Her head lightened and her throat tightened. She couldn't even bear to look at his disappointed face.

"I...um...forgot," Leni said sadly. Using her arms, she gave herself a hug, bracing herself for what would come next.

"Really?!" Lincoln exclaimed, "But I wanted to be Ace Savvy! And now I don't have any costume!"

She couldn't speak. The pit in her stomach deepened, forming a black hole. The horror of having to see her little brother's anger was unthinkable. Leni mentally slapped herself for her cowardice. Here, her own silly actions had angered two of her siblings, none of whom deserved it. And here she was, too afraid to face the music. She didn't deserve to speak, feeling it would have only made everything worse. At this point, Leni considered herself pretty good at messing things up for others.

"You know there's the attic," she heard a voice. Knowing her family, she concluded it was Lynn, "There's all sorts of old costumes up there."

"But the rope is so high! I can't reach it!" Lincoln whined.

"I got ya."

Leni stared at the bathroom door while her ears picked up the sound of footsteps and a massive swinging. Less than two seconds after, wood hit the carpet.

"Knock yourself out," she heard Lynn say.

Her legs found a surge of energy and she paced into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She was kinda glad that Lori was away, otherwise she'd use one of _her_ hairpins to break in.

She tried clearing her mind as she put on her costume. It was her first time wearing it, so her appendages had to drill through the scrunched, pressed fabric. This costume had taken about a month to complete and two whole trips to the mall. There was all sorts of weird materials used and excessive dollars spent, making her feel worse.

Once it was on, she checked herself out in the mirror. What a waste of time, she thought. The sewing was perfect, the seams were invisible, the feathers were secure, and the spandex was clean. She frowned as she remembered the drawing. That hunting she did for that light pink should have been for bold crimson. Mom's money shouldn't have gone to ticklish feathers, but a decent-looking mask. And the cape? With all the stuff already in her room, she could have cobbled something together.

 _"Linky deserves better than you!"_

Slam. That must have been the attic ladder flipping back up. Through the door, she heard Lynn snickering.

"You look like a ragged carpet," she heard her say.

"Hey! Oscar is all I could find up there, so he'll have to do," Lincoln said, clearly annoyed.

"And why do you have two?" at this point, the girl was laughing.

"This one's for Clyde! We'll be the Oscar twins!"

All she could hear from there was Lynn's sinister laughter. Thinking about how it was affecting her Linky only made Leni feel worse. Because of her absent-mindedness, she had ruined her special little guy's favorite night. She gripped the sink's rim and let her head sink. She didn't deserve this nice costume she made just for herself. Her eyes squeezed shut and her mind screamed at her.

 _"What's wrong with you?! Do you think any friend is gonna want someone like that?!"_

"I don't get it Lori."

Her eyes opened. Her head shot up. There was Carol's voice, through the bathroom wall. Lori had told her that it was wrong to eavesdrop, that in a House with limited privacy, what scraps one could get should be respected. But this conversation was right there, loud enough to break the thin layers separating the rooms. Rubbing her eyes, she staggered towards the corner and tried listening in.

"I mean, it feels like you don't even want to accept me," she heard Carol say remorsefully.

"What are you talking about? I've been hearing you, talking to you. Heck, I even put on this matching sweater just so Leni would be happy."

"But is that the only reason you're here with me?"

Silence. Leni tucked her lips, trying to constrict her breath. Any whip of air, either through her mouth or nose, risked invading her hearing. By this point, she was too terrified to not know.

"Well...she does like you. And thinks you're nice," Lori answered, sighing.

"Again, I hate how I acted as a kid. I was selfish, vain, conceited. You say that I'm okay and stuff, but I can't help but feel that you don't mean it."

"Leni would be fine if I chose not to forgive you. Besides, she shouldn't be worried about me."

"She's your sister! Of course she's gonna notice what you're up to."

Why was she so large of a topic? Leni thought these friends were supposed to be talking about each other. Besides, she didn't deserve their time.

"Whatever," Lori said disinterested.

A brief pause ensued.

"Lori...are you just...nevermind."

"No, what is it?"

Another pause. By this point, Leni was basically holding her breath, cutting off all air.

"Are you just...afraid of changing your mind?"

"What?"

"It's weird. It's like you're here with me, talking, giving me a chance because your sister talked you into it, wearing a sweater she made for us...but you still seem unhappy to be around me."

"Well what do you want, for me to smile and be excited at every little thing you say?" Lori said incredulously. Leni, meanwhile, felt her heart racing from that comment.

"No," Carol replied meekly, "it's just, well, you seem to just brush me aside, as if you're only saying stuff so I'll leave you alone and...you can go back to Leni and tell her everything's alright."

"Leni gets upset when people don't get along."

"And I'm glad that you care about your sister. But I dunno...you seem uncomfortable when you're near me. Are you sure you really forgive me for all the stuff I've done?"

"Uh...yes," Lori said, hesitantly.

A knock at the door. Leni nearly jumped out of her costume by the startling sound. Her tense, wavering eyes directed to the wooden door.

"Leni, are you in there?"

It was Mom. She must have picked up on how long she was in there. Leni felt bad, slamming her so-called "cry for attention".

"Y-Yeah Mom," she replied nervously.

"Well hurry up! We're about to go trick-or-treating!"

For a few seconds, her feet were glued to the tile. She wanted to keep listening, seeing what would become of the friendship. She wanted to know if she was a burden, an obligation that resulted in an unhappy union. But the persistent knocking propelled her from that spot, forcing her to stumble out the room and down the hall.

She briefly stopped in front of her bedroom door and leaned her ear against it. She couldn't hear anything, worrying her. Her hand got an impulse urge to fly it open, so she could see their faces and get to the bottom of this.

But would that really work?

How did she know that they weren't just gonna put on masks when she came in, smiling and telling her how nice her sweaters were. Only to give them more ammunition, reason to believe she's a bad thing rather than a source of encouragement for opening one's minds. And with that, she continued down the stairs, her mind burning with that question the whole time.

 _"I wonder if Linky likes Oscar."_


	28. Answering Questions

"Okay, let's get this meeting started," Mrs. Barnes declared as the class quieted down. All their eyes were directed at the aging teacher as she produced a paper and read from it. Meanwhile, Leni anxiously stared at her, waiting in bated breath.

"Today was the first day of our sale and so far we have raised about $100," she announced. While the rest of the room appeared unfazed by these results, adrenaline rushed through Leni. To her, she felt like the only one in the room to have any real emotion from this. She never thought that something with her name attached to it would generate much of anything, let alone $100 in a single day.

"Now this is a fantastic start and you should all be proud of yourselves," she continued. As she spoke, Leni jittered as her teacher's eyes tested on her specifically. Was it really she whom she was talking? After all, she had been one of the people working at the stand during lunch that day, "now let's get some more people on to run things for the upcoming week. Any volunteers?"

From the corner of her eye, Leni caught Carol raising her hand. It was then that she remembered all about her. She had remembered how she was over the House last night to hang out with her sister. A question burnt within her in the messy, confusing minutes before she had left to go trick-or-treating. Perhaps that was the price to pay for clinging to her childhood.

She turned around and saw Lori also bring her arm up, surprising her. Leni realized what she had to do.

The meeting ended shortly after like they usually did. On three of the upcoming days, Lori and Carol had each agreed to run the station together, lifting Leni's spirits and even tempting her with congratulating rather than asking. However when she turned to her plain-faced sister, she didn't get the roaring sensation in her throat that she hoped for. And sure enough, her tone moderated.

"So, like, did you two have fun last night?" she asked innocently. She hoped that her sister lacked any suspicion of eavesdropping. After all, Leni didn't even enter their room the whole night.

"Yeah," Lori replied nonchalantly as she grabbed her backpack and walked on ahead of her.

There it was. The answer. Lori said everything turned out alright and that the whole thing should be dropped. As the two waddled across the room, wavering through the crowd, Leni wondered if that argument she heard through the wall was just a fantasy, a weird product of her changing mind.

But then as they passed Carol, the girl's lips automatically perked into a smile. She could tell it was directed at both of them, not just herself. That gave Leni another excuse to not press Lori more on the matter. She feared being called out for asking a stupid question, given how obvious the answer seemed to be.

Throughout most of the walk home, Lori talked about herself. Leni didn't mind listening to her sister ramble about people she doesn't hang out with or thoughts she can't relate to. She mostly kept her head forward and allowed Lori's voice to travel in her ear, letting it act as a commentary to the familiar sights before her. Occasionally, though, she would give a simple grunt or "Uh huh". One time, she didn't say a single word during the entirety of Lori's story and she got a mouthful for not being more "engaged". It wasn't that she didn't like what Lori had to say; she enjoyed acting as a sounding board for Lori to spill her heart. The only problem was that Leni often found it hard to muster enough words to form a substantial response. Even when she could wrap her head around the issue, she didn't have her own anecdotes to supplement them. Until she could find more to say, those brief replies would have to do.

One person Lori didn't mention, though, was Carol. It was a gaping hole that reignited her curiosity. She was once again confronted with the cursed question and, for a brief moment, considered speaking up again. But then she figured that it would have accomplished nothing. Leni remembered the stakes of breaking the ice for that purpose. That voice would have reared its ugly head and amplified the inevitable chewing out Lori would have given her. Besides, observation had a bigger reward: pride.

Soon enough, the sisters were home. Lori took the initiative and swinging open the door.

As Leni followed behind, she noticed that the living room was a mess. Papers and books were strewn all over the floor. Some of the volumes were wide open, pages bent, spines mistreated. Peering into the room, they saw Lisa sitting on the couch's middle cushion furiously scribbling in a notebook. To her right was Rita looking over her work. The woman's face illustrated bewilderment, her cheeks flushed of color.

"Hi Mom! Hi Lisa!" Leni exclaimed. As she flapped her arm around, she hoped that would make up for the lack of energy she displayed on her inactive walk home.

"Oh, hey kids," Rita said tiredly. By then, her voice had filled in the rest of the gaps. Their mother had the wind completely knocked out of her sails. Neither Leni nor Lori could have imagined how long her morning must have been taking care of the four youngest sisters (those that weren't old enough to start kindergarten). Sure four was a lot and it stretched resources thinner, but Lori noticed that ever since Lisa came out, her mother has been constantly drained. Lori felt that in the last two months, she had been compelled to take up more responsibilities, to become a third parent.

 _"Can Leni take a hint?"_ she thought as her sister persisted in her waving.

"Do you need any help?" Lori asked gently. She planted a firm hand on one of Leni's shoulders. Just like magic, Leni's arm fell back to its side (though that didn't stop that smile of her's).

"The girls are upstairs. Check if they need anything," Rita replied.

Lori nodded and proceeded up the stairs. Leni, though, was entranced by the scene before her. Part of her said that her mom needed a hug (she looked very tired) and another voice wanted her to spend more time with Lisa. With all the time she spent cooped up in her room making clothes for the fundraiser, she found limited time to spend with the newest addition to the Loud House.

She made her way over to the couch and sat on the last remaining cushion. Her eyes lazily wandered to Lisa's little notebook. Those were some strange drawings, Leni thought to herself. Those numbers and words reminded her a lot of her math homework and she had no interest in following (that set of mental gymnastics could wait until she was upstairs).

"Aww! You're so cute!" Leni said, trying to win the baby's attention. Either she merely imagined herself saying that or somehow, Lisa didn't pick up on it. Her hand moved like a robot. Precise and persistent. But Leni wasn't about to give up. When words failed, there was always hugging.

Leni leaned in and wrapped her arms around her sister's tiny body, swamping it entirely. With Lisa in her lock, she gently rocked back and forth on the couch, trying to cradle the two-month-old baby to sleep.

Rita smiled as she watched on. While she had limited success in reaching out to her little girl, maybe Leni's serenity would shine through. All Lisa had to do was stop writing and put down the paper. Any minute now.

When cradling didn't work, Leni got another idea. She usually didn't take this step, but this was a special occasion. Slowing down the rocking, she brought her lips to Lisa's forehead and kissed it.

"Ah!"

Rita and Leni were taken aback (the latter bringing up her Ducky arms). The two anxiously stared as Lisa frantically wiped her forehead, her fingers pressing deep into the skin. Leni was hurt to see Lisa desperately rubbing off her gentle, sincere gesture of her love.

"Get out! Get out!" Lisa exclaimed, staring and pointing at the window.

Leni was baffled. Nevermind the fact that the baby could already talk clearly or write fluently in that foreign language called math. Maybe if she took a little more time to know her, she would have realized by now that she shouldn't have done that. Her neck could barely support her head, as it lazily pointed to the upholstery beneath her.

"Lisa, that was not okay," her mother scolded. Thinking of angry face gave her shivers, even when it wasn't directed, "Now what do you say to Leni?"

The girl finally lifted her head to see an aggravated Lisa. Her face was puckered and her tiny hands gripped the couch. That was how Leni realized she really messed up. Why was Rita working so hard to stand up for her?

"Sorry," Lisa mumbled, refusing to face either one of her older family members. Regardless, Rita's face immediately lightened up.

"That's better," she said.

Right then, Leni was tempted to hug her baby sister again. Her arms possessed a rush of energy, a tingle that simmered in terrible inaction. Here she was, about to make the move.

But she couldn't.

She was gonna make the same mistake again without thinking it through. Rita would have to take her side again, blame the baby, and she would be pampered. The nasty bile her selfishness would have produced was enough to make her feel disgusting.

Instead, Leni got up and headed upstairs. At least then, she would be sparing some people from her path of destruction. Yet even as she ascended each step, there was this obligation burning within her. She needed to release some of this guilt, to pay back for the insensitive harm she has caused.

And then she remembered one other person, one that could probably take a nice hug and kiss. Of course, she was too unaware to realize the other wrong she had to attest for. She didn't recall apologizing or doing anything for her brother last night, especially with how disappointed he was. She knew she had to act.

Turning right at the top, she went all the way to the end and opened the door. Sure enough, Lincoln was there reading a comic on his bed. Perfect.

"Hi Linky," she said gently. Her arms scrunched close to her body, braced for whatever retribution she rightfully deserved. Her Linky had every right to ignore, tell, or hurt her after letting the valuable Ace Savvy costume slide out her mind.

Instead, he looked relaxed, like a normal kid.

"Hey Leni," he said, his eyes not leaving the colorful comic. Leni, though, was confused. Lincoln's voice lacked any trace of anger, his face lacked tightness or irritation. Her racing heart slowed, but was that the right reaction? What if there was some subtext sailing over her head? That wouldn't have surprised her.

She could have simply apologized, said "I'm sorry" and move on. But to her, no words would ever be enough to make up for all that disappointment. Besides, one misplaced word and she feared Lincoln would have unleashed on her. She needed to do something more (perhaps make it up to both Lisa and her mom as well).

Trying not to step on any of the clothes or toys on the ground, Leni carefully and slowly walked to the bed. Lincoln didn't react to it, preferring to focus solely on the comic book. Once she was up on the back of the bed, she noticed something. On the other side nestled on his left shoulder was Bun Bun. Seeing her gift so close to him tinged her heart and made her want to act.

Using the narrow gap between Lincoln and the bed's edge, Leni nudged herself in that tiny space and maneuvered her arm around his neck. Lincoln turned his head to see the scene unfolding.

"What are you doing?" he asked nervously, but Leni couldn't hear him. She carefully embraced him, trying her best not to get the same outburst Lisa lashed on her. Soon enough, Lincoln was caught in a warm yet scary hug. Leni's heart bounced all over her body, trying to break free. Lincoln, meanwhile, was speechless. His lips were tightly tucked between blushing cheeks. Now in this hug, Leni used her free hand to stroke through Lincoln's white hair, parseing hefty tufts of it.

"I'm sorry Linky," she said softly as she coursed through the hair.

"For what?" Lincoln asked, trying to mask the happiness he felt being around another family member. Leni found it cute how his voice cracked whenever he attempted to sound tough and "manly". Right then, it was painfully obvious.

"For forgetting about your costume," she said sadly, slowly tightening her grip, "I feel so bad about it...are you mad?"

"Leni...it's okay," he answered, blushing even more and his voice squished from the lack of leg room, "I had fun last night."

The girl continued to embrace her brother, immersing herself in the soft, warm touch of her Linky. It was the best she could do to try and forget about the mounting guilt.

It was hard to accept what was happening. All she had to do was say sorry and she got off the hook. No pushing, no crying, no yelling, not even cool revenge (she should have expected him to smash her sewing machine). But it wasn't fair. She knew she should have gotten nothing but the very worst for her dreaded oversight. That would have taught to not be so _stupid_.

She pressed her brother's back against her chest and cradled him, much like she tried for Lisa. Lincoln's breathing was a synchronizer in this quiet, still environment. Leni's eyes wandered as she did this, gazing at the posters, toys, comics, gizmos, and (most of all) Bun Bun. That doll must have been a constant reminder to him of her. Why was it snuggled up against him while he was reading? Was he trying to use Bun Bun as a stand-in for her, for all those times she spent alone in her room? Was the bunny a prop for him to feel better about him (and if so, why did he need that lift)? Does he even remember who gave it to him? Did that little kind gesture those years ago really make her a better big sister?

Thinking those troubling thoughts only tightened the embrace. She resorted to playing with his white hair, trying to sculpt the dry fibers into something a stylist would create. After all the issues he puts up with, he certainly deserved to be treated like everything.

"I love you Linky," she said sweetly, or at least as much as she could. It just had to be that way, she figured. Stretching her lips into a smile, she peered her head downward to look at the boy she was addressing. It was a tomato, red with an expression stuck between a smile and a polker face. The eye contact they made only resulted in him pressing his head back, tightening his cheeks in a failing effort to suppress the joy the familial warmth provided.

"Well, I love you too," Lincoln said, his voice cracking along with the facade of toughness. But even with the dents made, a tension remained, an awkwardness. Leni didn't pay too much mind to it. After all, her brother had smiled and said she was worthy of his love.

And that's all that mattered.

* * *

It was quiet time in their room. Leni found comfort in reading the next issue of _16.5_ while Lori held her phone to her ear, not talking. Occasionally, the older sister gave a "Uh huh" or some brief response before clamming back up. From the context clues, Leni assumed it was Carol she was talking to.

From Leni could conclude from the slouched back and simple replies that Lori was relaxed, tired from yet another day of school. But did it translate to friendship? Lori must have something going with Carol, given how she's talking on the phone with her. Lori, though, has barely said a word and opted to sit through long pauses. What was Carol telling her anyway?

Still, Leni didn't want to interfere, not tonight. Besides, it wasn't like she would have gotten a word in anyway. And to top it all off, she had spent the last half hour entranced by the latest dresses out of New York. The articles describing their fabric, inspiration, and designer was as moving as the popping color pictures alongside the pages. Interesting reading experience, indeed.

Once she finished, Leni got up to brush her teeth. Ever since Lori got her braces, she had required her to start doing it twice a day. Sure Lori was still listening on the phone, but Leni wasn't about to disobey her older sister.

She slipped into the bathroom and started the process. Leni bore holes into the mirror, witnessing the foamy tooth paste expand and drip all over her chin. It happened every time, no matter how much she puckered her lips shut. How was Lori able to keep all that paste in her mouth?

"Lynn, I'm starting to get really concerned."

Another conversation. The second one in the span of three weeks that was audible from this bathroom. It was as if nobody had any idea that the bathroom was a hidden weapon for eavesdropping. As Leni spat out the remaining paste and wiped her face, she contemplated whether or not to listen in.

"Is it about Lisa?" she heard her father ask.

A brief pause. The cessation of rattling revealed it all. Leni placed her toothbrush and knelt down beside the air vent, planting her ear against the cold metal surface.

"Lisa's been acting even more unusual," her mother said, "today, she pushed Lana when she tried to play with her. It took me twenty minutes to get her to stop crying."

"Oh my goodness...Have you tried telling her not to do that?"

"I do it every time and she still won't pick up on it. She hasn't been playing with anyone, even when I feed her or do peek a boo. It's a lot like what Leni was when she was that age."

Her eyes shot open. In a big family like this, it really said something when her own name was mentioned. Now she _had_ to keep listening.

"She's the same with me," her father said, sighing, "she never smiles at me or anything. It's like she's off in her own little world."

"But it's not just that. I spend all day watching over her and I'll be lucky if I can get her to listen to me. She won't answer me when I call her."

"Well...there was one time when she looked at me when I said her name. I held up her rattle and shook it around, but she never took it. She just went back to reading a book."

"This morning, my LBJ biography went missing. When I got to the nursery, I found Lisa lying in her crib reading it. And she was almost done with it too!"

Now that she thought about it, Lisa did act kinda odd. Between her mom's eye bags and the volumes all over the floor, this conversation helped Leni connect the dots. It didn't even faze her that nobody needed to go to the bathroom yet.

"With Leni, though, she just sat there and stared off into...nothing," her mother added slowly, "Lisa just wants to read and do math problems. It's really impressive and she's blown me away. But at the same time, I can't keep up and she just seems...I dunno."

A brief, tense pause.

"You don't think she's on the spectrum, do you?"

Between the beige bathroom walls her eyes were fixated on, those vague memories of those people and of all sorts of stuff crawled their way up. As she imagined them, her mother spoke.

"I pulled out those books from the attic and they said it was indicative. I think we should go straight to Dr. Henry about this."

"Are you sure you wanna do this now? I mean, I just have much concern as you do, but two in the same family sounds unlikely. Plus, we didn't know about Leni until she was one. Don't you wanna give it a few more months and see if she starts acting normal?"

"Lynn, I'm telling you right now. Sure, it seems great on the surface. She's reading, she writing, she's even talking for crying out loud!...But I don't think her socializing and expressing is gonna improve unless we act now. There's so much of Leni I see in her and I know you see it too. We already have one, so why do we have to keep waiting?...I'm gonna make the appointment tomorrow."

Another biting pause. Leni nervously tapped her fingers against the tile, wishing her parents would stop feeling so scared. They worked too hard to have extra worries on hand.

"I'm just thinking," her father said softly, "When it was with Leni, things were much simpler. There were less kids and we had more time and money to spend just on her...But now with ten mouths to feed, it would be a lot harder to get Lisa services."

Leni stopped tapping as she heard a creaking sound, as if one of them were getting on a bed below.

"The good news is that she can already talk, so there's that," her mother said soothingly. Leni suddenly had thoughts of Maddy on her mind, "And even if she needs help with the other stuff, we'll find a way. I know we can figure out how to get our little Lisa off on the right foot. If it worked for Leni, it can work for her."

No other words were transmitted through the vent. The girl kept her ear against it, though, trying to make out garbled nonverbal sounds. But before she could decipher any from there, her other ear caught the door opening.

"Mom and dad conversation? That sure must be _ear_ -itating!"

She got up, seeing Luan approach the sink chuckling to herself. What was so funny about that? But it didn't matter what she thought. Leni proceeded to laugh as long as her sister was laughing. The last thing she wanted on her conscience was Luan getting hurt because she didn't give her the courtesy her joke deserved.

"That's, like, really funny," Leni said between each of her laughs.

"Thanks," Luan replied heartily, "I'm glad someone still thinks I'm funny," the girl then opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a razor, "All I've been getting lately are _shaving_ reviews."

Luan chuckled again from her own wordplay, causing Leni to reciprocate that hearty gesture. All she did was pull out a razor and she didn't know ho this all tied into shaving, but it didn't matter. Someone else was laughing. There was an expectation for her to do what anyone else would do in that situation.

"Hey Leni," Luan said warmly, smiling, "You're the best big sister ever."

That's it. Luan was getting a hug, whether she wanted it or not. Leni practically knocked her sister off her feet with a crushing one. Hearing those words were like bandages on lingering burns from the preceding day. Besides, if she was the best _big_ sister, she had to go above and beyond to prove that someone was the best _little_ sister.

"I love you too," Leni said cheerfully. By then, both of them were smiling. No faking, no force, just the flow of nature.

* * *

Having three people at a small table was certainly an interesting experience. But that's how it was arranged at the last meeting. Leni sat cramped in the middle, stuck between Lori and Carol. It wasn't even that she set it up that way. The three of them got their lunches and this configuration just...happened.

The money box was on Lori's end while a banner ran across the entirety of the table's front. Meanwhile, a section of the cafeteria was cornered off to stock all the coat racks, where all the creations and donations were hung. It wasn't as spacious or polished as Lacy's; if anything, it was like one of those kiosks that were islands in the middle of the atrium at the mall. Still, Leni was proud of the display she had before her.

It was a slow lunch. Thus far, nobody has bought anything and the table itself was quiet. Leni peered on both sides, trying to gauge each of the older girls' attitudes. Their blank faces, though, only indicated boredom.

"So...," Leni started. She tried to think of something to get the ball rolling. It was a weird role for her to play, but at this point, she was willing to give it a try, "how's everyone's day going?"

"Fine," Lori shot back, disinterested.

"Same here," Carol reciprocated.

There was nothing like the soft roaring of the student body to paint the lack of words either of them could produce. Was it really just because of a slow day at the stand? A slow day all around?

"Like," Leni said, using that precious word as the placeholder that it is, "are you two friends now?"

"Yes, Leni," Lori replied, her voice sounding like she sighed. Maybe she was just tired, Leni figured. But from what?

In all this time, Lori and Carol never came across as super happy to be around each other. They weren't constantly smiling, laughing, or complimenting each other. It wasn't anything like what she saw on _Princess Pony_ , where all the friends always had something to say, whether it was kind, educational, or introspective. Rosy Cake barely found herself sitting with someone she liked and did nothing.

Were they not friends then? Did they always get into a fight right before she saw them and that's why they weren't talking to each other? Leni wished she had it in her to be a real energizer, the type of person that could breathe life into a social situation. Maybe then, Mrs. Lane would finally see how advanced she was and let her move on. If she had that extra time, she could get to know those girls better. She already had four of their names down, so maybe she could be useful by learning the fifth.

Eventually, a boy approached the table. The first thing Leni noticed was the bashful grin present on his face. After that, there was his shaky hand running through his rough black hair.

"Hi Lori," he said nervously.

"Hi," Leni replied, using one of her hands to point to the racks, "Do you wanna buy s-"

"Leni," Lori retorted. Immediately, the younger sister clamped her mouth shut and dropped her arm. She gazed at her sister, noticing how she herself was smiling, "I'm so sorry about that. _I'll_ help you out today."

"Uh, great. Because I saved up enough of my allowance to get me and my sister something nice," he said, pulling out the dollars and holding them out. Judged by his grip, it was a miracle none of them blew away.

Lori lightly giggled and got up, escorting the boy to the clothes selection. The silence that dominated the last few minutes was ancient history, as Lori began chatting up a storm, words that came too fast for her to follow. As she settled her eyes back to the rest of the cafeteria, she heard some soft laughter in her other ear.

"What's so funny?" Leni asked, turning to Carol.

"They're so cute together," she answered. Leni, though, was confused. Ever since they were little, Lori was the type of girl that thought "lovey dovey" stuff was gross. Leni specifically remembered those times when her sister watched _Los Angels_ , gagging at how her favorite character had fallen into romance's nasty claws. Did she misread all of that?

"What are you talking about?" Leni asked, hoping to gain some much needed answers. Thankfully, Carol was at ease and looked more than ready to supply.

"That boy over there," Carol said, pointing to him. Sure enough, his smile had grown as she was listening to Lori, "that's Bobby, he's a kid in my English class. And," she stopped before giggling some more, "he has a big crush on your sister."

Leni gasped. That was new. But hearing those words was too much for her to handle. Suddenly, her little heart thumped as her gaping mouth morphed into a smile. All she could think about was those ships she often encountered on the Internet, such as GarryxPercy from _Real Times Under the Sun_. LorixBobby? That had a zing to it.

"Aww!" Leni squeed, "that's adorable! Why did nobody tell me about this?"

"She never told you about him?"

"No!" she exclaimed. A little too forceful, though. Leni blushed a little, embarrassed from her outburst. Nevertheless, Carol kept her tucked smile.

"That doesn't surprise me," Carol responded gently, watching the two interacting. Bobby held up several potential articles while Lori ran her mouth. Her eyes were transfixed onto him, ignorant of the two spectators on her gushing, "she refuses to admit it to me. She keeps saying how she never wanted a boyfriend and how she hasn't changed," but then she refreshed her smirk, Leni noticing, "but that's probably the least convincing lie in the school. I see those two taking every chance they get to chit chat. It's only a matter of time before they go out on a date."

Least convincing lie. While love was always cute, Leni realized by that point that there were massive events just whizzing past her while she just walked from one class to another and came home to make clothes. Lori didn't seem to be that conspicuous about it when she was in their room doing stuff. She wondered if there was anything else she should know.

"Hey Carol?"

"Yeah."

Was she really gonna ask this? Was now the appropriate time? For a flashing moment, Leni feared that Carol would become upset, kill that smile, and that she wouldn't want to be around her anymore. Given her past, it shouldn't surprise her that anything she could have done would have only left to pain. But, the urge just got to her. Here was a chance to finally gain some insight, after weeks of vague hints.

"How have things been with Lori? Are you, like, friends now?" she asked cautiously.

"Well we've been getting better," Carol replied. Luckily, her face didn't display anger, "The big hurdle has been Lori admitting she's wrong. It turns out that she did like what I've been doing to improve, but she's been having a hard time telling herself that. She didn't want things to change. But she's been coming around and it turns out that she's quite an interesting person."

As Leni watched her sister accept the bunch of money from Bobby, she heard Carol continue.

"Thanks for helping us become friends."

Leni smiled while Lori headed back to her chair. The older sister had a smile of her own as her fingers sifted through the green dollars.

"Hey Lori," Leni said teasingly, carrying a goofy grin.

"What?" she replied, pretending to not notice the tone. She opened the money box and slipped Bobby's dollars in one bill at a time. But Leni knew better. She knew that it really was only a matter of time.

The bell rang and the student body eased it ways up to dispose of their trash, finish any lingering discussions, or rush to their class on the other side of the school. Lori snatched the money box and rushed out of the cafeteria while Carol followed her.

Leni, meanwhile, stood behind the table and observed the waves of kids. Many of the faces in the ocean were unrecognizable (or at least not by name). She shifted her head back and forth, waiting for them to emerge. Why did they have to take so long to walk along? Of course, Leni concluded soon after. They actually cared about their social lives and saw too it to talk as much as possible, enjoy each other's company.

 _"I have to wait for this."_

Through the mob, she saw the five girls approach the table. It was a shame that none of them came to buy anything, but that wasn't important. Leni sped walked over to them and attached herself to the small clump.

Thankfully, they continued their normal conversation. It was a relief that she wasn't enough of a nuisance to discourage them from being themselves. That was always a good start. Now, she had to just be herself.

Sure she wasn't able to get in a word. But being a good friend is more than just speaking your mind. It was about listening and learning more about the other people. It was the courteous thing to do. And Leni wasn't about to be rude.

It was rude enough she had to break off to go to her class Mrs. Lane. She tried saying goodbye, but they just kept talking and walking. She stared at them moving, wondering what they thought of her. Was she good enough in that brief exchange? Would she have enough evidence of her progress to present to Mrs. Lane?

"What was that other girl's name again?" was the burning question that greeted her as she entered that dreaded room.

* * *

Leni was wrapping up her reading homework. It was a fun little exercise where she read a cute story about a girl falling in love. While reading, she often looked back to Lori. Thankfully, she didn't notice her frequent observation. In fact, now that she was aware of her situation, little hints (text messages and code words she told friends that came over the House) started to take on new meaning. Thinking about her sister and her special little crush made answering the comprehension questions surprisingly easy.

She was learning. That was a skill she was capable of.

As she placed it all in her backpack, the door opened. The two sisters looked over to see their mother with a shy smile.

"Hi girls," she said, placing up a stationary hand, "can I talk to you two about something?"

Lori and Leni each looked at each other before nodding.

Taking the cue, Rita sat down gently on the end of Leni's bed.

"It's about Lisa," she started, trying to place as much space between each word as possible. By then, her hands were glued to her thighs, as if she was trying to take up as little room as possible. It was a little unsettling for Leni, "you might have noticed how me and her have been away for a while."

That was one thing that slipped the girl's mind. Between the Fashion Club, those five girls she walks with, and Lori, she didn't have much time to think about the littlest Loud. As if their sheer numbers already narrowed individual attention, Lisa was reclusive and displayed little interest in others.

"What about her?" Lori asked.

"We've been taking her to some doctors to get her checked out an-"

"And what?" Leni asked, practically demanding to know. She immediately regretted it. People with friends don't interrupt each other.

"Well," Rita said, sitting straight, presenting herself as professionally as possible. She then took a deep breath.

All Leni and Lori could do was wait for her to reveal it. And soon enough, her mother continued calmly.

"Your sister Lisa has autism."


	29. Little Lisa

Vanzilla was more packed than usual. Rita saw it as the most efficient method. Sure she could have taken the others home and have Lori watched them, but the time that would waste was simply undesirable. Besides, this special trip wouldn't have taken too long.

In a change of pace, Leni was in the front passenger seat, side by side with her mother. It was intimidating being this close to someone bigger, older, and smarter than her. She wasn't a fan of being the center of attention so much as thinking of it. There were real emotions involved (pride, embarrassment, duty) that Leni couldn't capture when she had that gap between imagination and reality. Naturally, the parents' attention was spread thinly with ten children and only Lori got the extra scraps that came from being dealt responsibility. Needless to say, the whole experience was surreal.

Unable to stare her mother in the eye, Leni spent much of the trip staring at the white envelope in her hands. She examined it from multiple angles, takin note of the various features (the neat strip of Scott tape along the back, the familiar handwriting in black marker, the linear contours that composed much of the front). Thinking of what was to come brought a soft excitement, the kind she imagined when the TV was playing an awards show but the volume was down low. It was new.

"How do you feel, honey?" Rita asked, observing her daughter. Leni glanced up and saw that reassuring grin and gentle eyes she knew her mother so well for. Although she didn't think she looked different, it was clear that something was being transmitted.

"Fine," she answered flatly.

"Don't you feel proud of yourself? You know, very few kids did what you were able to do."

It wasn't that she didn't feel some pride. Leni did have some tickles lurking around various parts of her body, moving in waves and spurts. But from the windows to her soul (her eyes, mouth, cheeks), they were clogged by this embarrassment. The thought of her gushing openly, to take the credit felt wrong to her. To smile was to be selfish, or so it seemed to her. The best she could muster, to acknowledge her mother, was a used gesture. She shrugged.

"Well I'm proud of you," Rita responded, leaning in towards Leni, "and you should be proud as well. What you're doing is wonderful."

It was. Leni had little doubt that she was doing something great. Who else would be giving money to this school, this place where others like her could get the things they need. Derek might learn to talk, Jake might learn to make friends, Billy might learn to smile. And Lisa? Maybe learn to be a kid that can have fun and say "I love you". As she thought of all those goals, enriching all those fantastic people, she couldn't help but smile.

And that was all Rita needed from her daughter (a visual acknowledgement of pride). That was what carried them to the school.

The building was striking compared to Royal Woods Junior High. Where the latter was two stories and had an exterior dominated by weathered bricks and stained windows, this was one floor and it's outside had a fresh white coat of paint and clean windows. Around its corner was a colorful playground, the sun shimmering off the plastic and metal. And a sign stood across the front. It read "Bartholomew's Helpers" in the center. The edges were surrounded with handprints encompassing every color imaginable.

Leni, though, felt weird looking at its polished and playful aspects. But she immediately pushed that dreaded thought out. How dare she think that way?

"Lori's in charge," Rita announced as she stretched behind her seat, "Behave yourselves."

Rita and Leni popped out of Vanzilla, the latter gripping the envelope in front of her. Both her hands were squeezing the edges, as if she were lugging a heavy box. As she walked in, her eyes wandered to absorb the new surroundings. Mrs. Barnes had told her about this place, but this was her first time seeing it for herself.

 _"Did Mom and Dad always know about this place?"_

The inside was even cleaner, as indicated by the shiny tiles and organized furniture. But the most notable feature was the smiles on the employees' faces as they entered. Their size, clear shape, and impeccable teeth cast a warm atmosphere. It reminded Leni a lot of Mrs. Lane, smiling, nice, supportive. Even those working behind the main desk or passing through made sure to give that reassurance as they went about their day.

"Hello," the receptionist said, perking up a grin (her second nature).

"Good afternoon. We're here to see..." Rita said. As her mind drew the inevitable blank, she turned to Leni for help.

"Mr. Phillips," Leni recited. If there was anything she could remember in that moment, it was the directions Mrs. Barnes had given her that morning.

"Oh yes, you're here to give him a check," she said, peering over her desk to see the envelope, "We heard you raised a lot of money and Mr. Phillips is gonna be very happy to see it."

"Thank you," Leni simply said. Her feet got the urge to stumble back, to give herself some distance from all this praise. When would it stop?

Thankfully, they received the room number and the two were on their way. Each footstep produced a resonant flop against the hard floor, a noise she rarely heard at the crowded and noisy Junior High. Leni felt bigger walking in these halls, as if she were a teacher working here or one of her mother's old friends. And the envelope clasped in her hands reinforced this upgrade, this elated feeling. But in the back of head, she knew it was wrong. It told her to cut it out and swallow some of that pride, as if it were some exotic food she was trying for the first time. The coarse spices tinged her tongue as an excessive lump sat upon it, accumulating diluting saliva.

Mr. Phillips's room was in many ways a time capsule. A big bright colorful rug was sprawled across the front. Along the back was a collection of toys and books, all with distinct features that caught her eye (whether it was a soft furry bunny to a cover with Rosy Cake on it). Filling in the gaps were large, round tables that she was all too familiar with. Leni smiled as she remembered those simple, innocent days of Mrs. Egan's class. Where have they gone? Why did those voices in her head and burdens on her shoulders have to replace them?

Looking around, Leni observed the students. There weren't as many as in Mrs. Egan's or any of her normal classes (only ten or so). Some of them were fiddling with crayons at the tables while other raced around the room with dinosaurs in hand, roaring and chuckling the whole time. A few of them were wearing plastic ear muffs and one of them was tapping on that voice-generating tablet Derek has. Examining the group, she found herself caught in the middle of a complicated tangle.

When she saw those sitting alone minding their own business, it reminded her of those long days where she had spent alone attending to her own devices. When she was little, she either colored or confided in her Bun Bun. Now, it either turned into sewing sessions or parousing the Internet for the latest news on her favorite shows (especially _Princess Pony_ ). They looked so peaceful, protected from the world's boisterous nonsense. They all had their own bubbles.

And then there were the ones moving around. They had no restraints, no fears, and no obligations. Their lives were spent at a swimming pool, where they splashed with glee and didn't care about hiding their feelings. But Leni knew she was never one of those types. Sure they were also sheltered from the toughness of Royal Woods Junior High, but they much better fitted Jake than anyone she knew.

The relation was there, so why was she so muddled? Well, the better question was why she was so happy? She wasn't in the mood to bounce around, she lacked the drive to do more, and no one was on the hug list. Yet, this feeling _similar_ to it persisted. It wasn't the normal type of joy that she got from seeing her family or watching Rosy Cake. Deep within her, her heart was being stretched by her mind, this underlying force hidden by modesty's curtain.

These kids didn't seem like any of her younger siblings or those kid characters on TV. It took Leni a moment to register the image, but soon enough one emerged.

Steps. The ones that were in the foyer back home, scattered across the Junior High, often included on playgrounds. Each one was crafted individually from a specific piece of wood, from a special motion of the saw. But once the case was completed, no one bothered to acknowledge any of that. All of them were easily described by the whole, blanketing over any differences or outliers. And since they lacked a mind of their own, others could step on them, use them to elevate them to a higher place.

"Hello Mrs. Loud."

A tall man approached them. He sported a purple dress shirt with rolled up sleeves, black pants, and shoes that clambered even when strolling across the rug. Still, his clean-shaven bespectacled face had the gentleness needed to be a nurturing teacher. Leni observed as he walked past her and shook her mother's hand.

"And you must be Leni," Mr. Phillips said, turning to her and offering his hand. Going strictly off her mother's cue, she delicately took his hand and allowed him to do most of the shaking, "What brings you here today?"

"Well, like, I have money for you," Leni said shyly, holding out the envelope with both hands. Those eyes didn't reassure her despite their best efforts. She realized that these nerves were mostly on her side and not the result of anxiety, "The Fashion Club had a clothes sale and, like, made money."

"Why thank you," he said graciously as his careful hand accepted the offer.

Leni averted her eyes from the teacher, preferring to see the students. Her presence did nothing to penetrate their little worlds. Those that colored continued to produce their wobbly rainbows and crude houses. Those that snuggled with stuffed animals protected that warm fuzzy feeling their embrace brought. How ignorant they all appeared of the help she was giving them. She remembered being just like them when she were about a few years younger than any of them. Thinking about that past, uncivilized self reminded her of how great it would have been if those like her in that time had the aid of the Royal Woods Junior High Fashion Club. She felt a few steps higher.

"$1500!" he exclaimed, his mouth agape. Leni finally decided to see that face for herself. Indeed, as the tone suggested, his lips were in a tight open grin, "Why I must say you at quite the coordinator, Leni. _We_ are so grateful for your generosity!"

Your? This whole time, Leni had supposed it was a group effort. None of it would have been possible without her Mom for encouraging her, Mrs. Barnes for administrating, Lori, Carol, the Fashion Club, and (of course) every person that bothered to cough up their allowance to buy something. And yet, Mr. Phillips (a grown up whose collar on his shirt spoke volumes) told her that she was the girl behind every penny of the $1500. She knew it was wrong to have a big ego, but she could prevent some of that pride from surfacing in her mind, those notions of her being some great crusader, a sweetheart stepping on more steps.

"Thank you," she replied automatically.

"No. Thank _you_. We can use this money to improve our classrooms," he said, his grin expanding even more. And so did her joy.

"Really?"

"Of course. With this money, we could buy some new books. We could install better computer programs to use in speech therapy," he then pointed straight at her, "and for a girl your age, you gave so much. Thank you."

Now she was at the top of that wooden case. Sure she had to keep her eyes up, never looking down to see any grooves or dust, but she made it. So this is what it feels like to be proud, to be of use. It was a warm sensation that spread to her whole body, her mind acting as an echo chamber for all those recorded compliments other people said to her, a small smile on her face when she gets a little indulgent. It was...nice.

"I'm just glad I could help," Leni said, her voice and throat relaxed.

And with that, they left. After all, they couldn't halt the class for the whole afternoon. But the ride home in Vanzilla (still intact) was an interesting experience. She felt in a higher place, above where she was before, even that silly idea of humility. That was just her dumb demons speaking again. After all, that grown up with a collar on his shirt said otherwise. That adult knew way more about the world than those voices anyway. She was a true coordinator, a sophisticated benefactor that was above it all, above anyone in that raucous automobile.

 _"Don't look down."_

Even when they returned to the House, this elation persistently pulsated within her veins. She skipped on ahead the rest of her family, leaving her waiting for her mother to unlock the door.

Once inside, the family largely dispersed to go about their usual afternoon routines. As Leni made her way into the living room, she noticed something in the corner of her eye. Lisa was walking herself up the stairs. Since her body was still small, each step was like a mountain, requiring both hands and legs to clear. Ever since she learned, Leni had become more attentive towards her youngest sister, especially her struggles. And now it had reached a new high. Seeing that infant struggle up those steps spoke volumes. Now with her newly minted status, Leni knew what she had to do.

Racing to the steps, she swooped her sister into her arms and tucked her little body close to her chest.

"Don't worry, I can help you," she said soothingly. While hugging Lisa, Leni carefully ascended the stairs, making sure to keep herself from falling. That wasn't hard, even for her.

The natural place to go was the nursery. It was now that Leni decided to embark on a mission, to spend time with her little sister. She figured it wasn't fair, given how she used to play with many of the others when they were all younger, even before she started sewing. That combined with recent circumstances regarding each of them, it was for the best.

Upon entering the empty nursery, Leni plopped Lisa on the ground. She then scrounged the room for baby stuff, anything from a toy or a blanket or whatever.

"Hi Leni," she heard as the door creaked. Turning around, she saw her mother's head peeking through the gap, "Were you gonna play with Lisa?"

"Yup!" she chirped.

Rather than give a verbal answer, her mother simply smiled and shut the door. That was progress, indeed. She was starting to win her mother's admiration after all these years. Leni was excited at the prospect of finally giving that respected grown up a reason to be proud of her, to shine through all those silly mix ups that made up the better part of twelve and a half years.

 _"You'd finally be useful."_

Going back to her search, she found a teddy bear lying on the floor. Picking it up, she pinched the furry surface, her hands sinking into the soft material. This was perfect. This bear would be Lisa's Bun Bun.

Leni eagerly lied down next to Lisa, who hadn't flinched in the whole time she was placed in that spot. She propped up the bear to stand beside her smiling face.

"This is a teddy bear," Leni said in her baby voice. It was slow, high pitched, and overly articulated. To drive the message home, she used one of her hands to poke in the bear's tummy, "It is soft and you hug it and you snuggle with it."

She proceeded to demonstrate each of those activities. The bear was literally Bun Bun as she squeezed it to the point where the fur and cotton were one with her body. She giggled a little as she imagined being a kid again, sleeping the night away with sugary dreams beside her precious bunny.

Lisa's face was stone cold.

"So?" Lisa asked tartly, "What's the point of this activity?"

The point? Was that really something that needed questioning? Still, Leni perked a chipper grin and held up the bear once more.

"Teddy bears are, like, fun. Totes fun even," she said, suddenly pointing a finger to the ceiling, "they make you happy and they're, like, cute and you cuddle with them."

Unable to resist the temptation, she embraced the stuffed animal once more. It was gonna be difficult to pass it on to Lisa. This particular bear was just that huggable.

"Reading is fun and it makes me happy. Why would I waste my time doing something like this when I could be studying Louis Pasteur's germ theory," Lisa said. Her voice was level, her eyes rigid, her frown carved in stone.

Leni was baffled. Sure she liked _16.5_ magazine and that lovely _Princess Pony_ fanfic she was reading. But germs? That was just gross and the farthest thing from fun. It was then she figured that she had a lot of work to do. She was gonna impart her wisdom onto her sister, actually help her get on the right path. Her parents' voices rang in her head, their worry, their fear that little Lisa wouldn't get what she needed. Well, that was what she was for.

"Okay, so, like, let's get started," Leni said with the teddy bear tucked in her arm. Although it required some concentration, she made sure to stare into Lisa's eyes as she spoke, "So Mommy told me that, like, you have this thing called autism."

"Asperger's Syndrome is the more specific diagnosis I received."

Her mother had never brought that up before. Was that really the more proper name for it? As if there weren't already enough to remember, the girl thought. Still, she tried to smile.

"Now you're lucky because I have it too and I know all about it. So don't be scared, because I'm here to, like, help you not be scared," she said happily.

Lisa, meanwhile was still frozen. Her eyes darted to other parts of the room, looking for an escape to her studies. Unfortunately, her big sister wouldn't let her leave.

"Now, the first thing you need to know is, like, you're different," Leni continued, "Mommy told me that I was special and that my brain just had a different way of, like, learning and thinking. Oh," she paused. Nervous, she leaned in until her nose was practically touchin Lisa's, "your brain is a weird mushy thingy you have in here," she then extended her index finger and nudged it against the baby's forehead, "you use it-"

"I know what a brain is," Lisa said coldly.

Leni's smile faltered. She could tell that her baby sister was frowning. None of it was working. Could it have been that she wasn't as cut out for this as she thought? It was a chilling thought, her not being able to help one of her own. If she couldn't do something like, then what type of "giver" would that have made her?

No, she told herself. Once Lisa heard all of her wisdom, she would turn around. That frown would be flipped if only she worked harder. She knew what had to come next.

"So, like, our brains," she said, throwing in a gesture to indicate the two of them, "are different. They are nothing like Mommy's or Daddy's or Lori's or Luna's or Luan's or Lynn's or Linky's or Lucy's or Lana's or like Lola's. And because of that, it can, like, feel weird, like no one knows you," she then stretched her lips and pulled her cheeks, "but _I_ know you. Because we both ha-"

"This is the first time we've been alone together," Lisa observed. Still, no smile. In fact, now she was pinching the bridge of her nose,"What interactions have led you to believe that you even know my psychological composition?"

At first, Leni thought of all those times she saw Lisa mingling in the House. Her mother was always by the baby's side even as read some massive boring book that only really smart people read from. At dinner, she had seen little Lisa pick at her food with a fork. And there was that one time she tried kissing her (she wanted to forget about that). Big words aside, what was Lisa possibly talking about?

 _"Alone."_

Oh. As Leni registered her sister's precise words, it all fell in place. With all those hours spent in her room creating new clothes for that fundraiser, there were only snippets of time left over for acquainting herself with the new arrival. She was right. The baby was trying to be right.

"But, like, you're like me. And once I tell you all about it, we'll, like, know each other even more," Leni said, her voice giving way to desperation. It required a breath. Or two.

"So, like," Leni started, "you'll sit around the House and not to play with anyone. You'll see Linky and the sisters playing with these things called toys," she then pulled the teddy bear from under her arm and pointed at it, "Toy," she said slowly, "You won't want to, like, play with them because you won't know how. You are confused with why these people are moving around with these things. But then they tell you this is how to play with it and then you'll be, like, 'This is so much fun. Now I want to play with you with this thing called a," she then slowed down and poked her finger into the bear's belly, "toy."

"I do know how to use those things, but I choose not to partake in such frivolous recreation because studying is signif-"

"Then you'll want to spend hours in your room doing absolutely nothing. You won't want to do anything other than see things. Those are called thoughts," she then tapped her finger against her temple, "Thoughts. But they are not real. You will think they are, but they are just something you make up. You can make up rainbows and ponies, clothes and cute lovers, smoothies and stuffed animals. And then you will think it's fun!"

"I get bored when I'm left to my imagination. You do realize I have knowledge of thou-"

Leni jumped up and started pacing around the room. By this point, it was like she were talking to herself while Lisa stared at the door. The grating sound soured her frown like a lemon.

"And then there are movies. You can see them and you might laugh because it's funny or cry because it's sad. But it's not real. When I was little, I saw this movie called _Land Before Time_ and it had dinosaurs in it. Dinosaurs are these big creatures that lived many many many years ago, long before even Mommy came along. Some of them big and they roar and are scary," she then threw her arms out and gave her own impression of a T-Rex. She then froze and suddenly became concerned, "Sorry if I scared you. It's me, your sister Leni," she said, leaning in to her sister. She forgot to look her in the eye and still she continued, "And then there are tiny dinosaurs. Like, there was this really cute one named Ducky and she said 'Yup yup yup!'" she then propped up her arms and happily grinned.

"I know about dino-"

"Next, you'll want to make friends. Like, for Lori, making friends is super easy. She has people over here, like, all the time and she talks to them a lot. But for me, it's really hard. I, like, am with others when they are talking and I want to say something to them. But it's hard thinking of what you could say, you know," as she spoke, the image of those girls in the cafeteria popped in her head. Indeed, she still struggled to get past the phase of walking with them to and from lunch. But this wasn't about being worried. This was supposed to be a happy, helpful pep talk. And with that, she continued.

"You will, like, have a hard time too. But I want to tell you that you will have me to help you learn to talk to other babies your age. I may not have friends like Lori does, but I get better at talking to them every day and soon, I will have a friend too. If you work really hard and think of super nice things to say to others, then you can also make friends. And then you'll be happy!"

With a pause, she snapped her head back to Lisa. Her neck was down and most of her face was obscured by a pressed palm. No smile, she presumed.

"And speaking of being happy, it's okay to feel stuff!" Leni continued," You can be happy when something good happens, like if you finish making a new T-shirt to give to Linky on his birthday! You can also feel sad when something bad happens, like if you fall down and get hurt. But right now, I'm happy and I bet you are too," she said in her baby voice, even more high-pitched than she intended (probably from her open-mouthed smile). But now wasn't the time to hesitate. She was on a roll. There were so many points to hammer home that any pause would have halted her train of thought. This wasn't just happiness. This was exciting validation.

"When other people feel this way, they show it on their faces. They smile," she smiled, "they frown if they are mad," she tried to do that, but her smile was too big to chip away, "they cry when they are sad. But we have a hard time doing that same thing. Like, it is okay to do that. You can smile, you can cry, you can yell, you can do all sorts of stuff because it's how you feel. We all love you and we care for you and we wanna know how you feel. And nobody is ever gonna know if you're happy if you're not smiling. So smile!"

She stopped and she stretched the smile even more. The lips weren't enough. Leni rolled them back to reveal her teeth as well. It mus have been the biggest grin she ever made, even though not all of it was natural (she realized some of it had to be exaggerated to _really_ get through to this baby.

"And then when you get a little older you will find out that you really like something. For me, that's making clothes," she then pinched a portion of her dress, "I make the stuff that people wear. Well, like, not what I'm wearing right now. That was passed down from...you know, I don't even know who had this dress before me. But I make them because I like it. You can like whatever you want, even though I think you'll like clothes too. You may not know it right now, but that's okay. You're only a baby. But with ti-"

"Shut up!" Lisa exclaimed.

The railroad ran out of tracks. Leni's voice deflated as it submitted to that nasty rebuttal. No one had ever told her to "shut up" (everyone she came across had more polite ways of getting her to yield). It was sharp.

And it was only then that she was moving slow enough to truly observe her audience. Lisa looked furious, glaring with the reddest face and intense contours upon her cheeks. She had definitely learned how to show she was mad.

"You haven't listened to a word I've said today, have you?" Lisa posed, her voice seething with contempt.

Leni was silent. Her body trembled as she had her Ducky arms up again, this time for a different reason. The wrong reason. To think this was the baby of the family talking to her, yelling at her. And yet, the baby was right. Those rash interruptions she made were starting to unleash their destructive wrath upon her conscience.

"If you stopped to pay attention, then you'll see that I am extraordinary compared to my peers! I'm the antithesis of those slobbering, stupid, primative newborns! And yet here you are lecturing _me_ about how the world operates, not letting me get a word in. You assume that just because I have the physical characteristics of an infant that entitles you to patronize me like I'm one of them!"

Through the jungle of complex vocabulary, Leni pieced together a vague argument. Was it possible a baby of that age could relate to her in _that_ way, far deeper than the basics that are taught by parents. How was it possible? Even now, this feeling was one she still couldn't put to words. Yet this young infant who was supposed to be like her pieced it together already. By this point, Leni's lips were quivering.

"But, like, I do know you," Leni said slowly. She mustered the courage to take a step forward, "we both ha-"

"That doesn't entitle you to condescend me or project your set of attributes onto me!" Lisa screamed, the red in her face intensifying and sweat accumulating on her cheeks, "I know I don't like fashion! It's a superficial aspect that speaks little of one's personality, not to mention a waste of money and time! Romance lacks purpose! It deducts energy from scientific discovery! And the only emotion I have come to exhibit is frustration from people that underestimate my abilities! Do you not care that I have acquired speech at the age of one month? Are you unfazed by the fact that I have thoroughly read most of the books in the House?"

Leni was a leaf knocked off by a gust. Much of her body was caving in on itself, making her smaller and smaller.

"B-but..." she made out. Her throat was constricting, threatening to choke her, "like, I just wanted to h-help you."

"Help?!" Lisa barked, clenching her fists, "I would have read three chapters of Pasteur's germ theory if I wasn't forced to listen to you drone on and on about yourself! I don't need help from anyone and especially not from you! If anything, you're holding me back!"

She couldn't take it anymore. Leni stretched her arms and staggered towards her fuming little sister.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking. All she needed was a hug, something to make the hurt go away. That's what always worked. People like hugs.

"Don't touch me! Haven't you learned anything?!" Lisa screamed. Pellets of spit shot from her mouth, splating on Leni's face.

The door flung open.

"What's going on in here?" Rita asked, anger and concern mixed into a questioning tone.

"Dawdling!" Lisa exclaimed, rising up on her small legs, "Lazy people trying to make me just like them! This sibling unit," she pointed to Leni, who was on her knees, "has wasted my time teaching me nothing! Hearing her go on and on is so grating, it's no wonder she doesn't have friends!"

Was it really that obvious? It was like that voice again, that spirit that would linger and say stuff like that. But those weren't the spectre's words, unlike the cacophony of insults that now swirled in the battleground known as her mind. The sounds of sharp orders and stomping were incoherent echoes at this point. Leni was now a prisoner in her bubble, regretting how easy it was to get lost in there. Her chest, her arms, her aching legs yearned to be in her cushy bed where they could sprawl out and maybe alleviate some of this tremendous weight. But they were too weak to move; all the energy was up here.

Steps. What type of friend views other people as stairs to some higher place? What's the point of being in that higher place when there's no one to talk to, no one to confide in? This whole ride, this whole imagery of being some big savior, was not legitimate. It was now, at the bottom of the staircase, that she hit striking revelation. This whole "ascent" was just an escape from that dark pit where the voice lures. She pulled those nice, more deserving students at Bartholomew's Helpers down just so pathetic little her could feel better. And that baby, the one she was foolish enough to believe had things to learn, was far more noble than she. Lisa wasn't afraid to smell wrongdoing, delusion. It was through those big words and that angry face of her's that finally knocked some sense into her, the older, "nicer" sister.

 _"So much for being a helper."_

Leni looked up and saw that both her mother and Lisa were gone, the door just hanging open. Seeing an opening, she rubbed her moist eyes and straddled herself down the hall and into her room and onto her bed. Her limbs became jello and her face planted into her pillow, allowing cushy darkness to consume her vision. She didn't see if Lori was there and at that moment, she didn't care.

That baby was right about her. She was selfish, a loudmouth, bitter, and disgusting. Why did her mother bother to save her? What good was gonna come out of sparing her feelings, preserving a refuge from that righteous voice that was strangling her to gain some much deserved attention. That's why those "popular" girls weren't asking her for her opinion. She'd go on some dull tangent that would cause even the most patient person to snap.

"Leni," she heard her mother say.

She was too tired to look up. The last thing Leni wanted was to give her mother a face that would force her to feel sympathy. No, feel sorry for her. After putting up with noise, driving, and indulging, pity was the last thing her mother needed to give.

"Lisa has something to tell you," she continued softly. Still, all Leni could see was the foreboding darkness.

"I'm sorry for talking to you. I...didn't know it would hurt your feelings," she heard Lisa say begrudgingly, "I'll try to not be so rude to you in the future."

"Great...must be really proud of yourself now."

Now, even the crusader had to bow down just for her. With a mind like that, she could become a doctor or a very important person capable of solving all the world's problem. Anything from solving world hunger to inventing the time machine were all in her baby sister's grasp. And yet, her own selfishness was a dangerous magnet, sucking away that brilliance and instilling it with wasteful pity. How bitter it tasted. How it destroyed nature's beautiful gems.

No voices spoke out again. She didn't even get up from her pillow, lest she continue her path of destruction.

* * *

The bell rang, the cue for the kids in class to rush to lunch. Leni knew what she had to do.

Stepping outside the classroom, she leaned against the wall and observed the wave of students roll past her. There was no delay or difficult in getting those conversations started (not even the sea of incoherent noise). Yet she remained quiet. She had her finite amount of energy reserved for them. She was finally gonna start getting involved with that group of five (soon to be six). When they brought up clothes (or anything for that matter), she was gonna find something to say. A question, a comment, a compliment for their generosity.

 _"Good luck, you..."_

The five familiar faces approached. Even in a crowd like this, their appearances were like real diamonds at the jewelry store. Sure enough, she could tell they were talking again by their moving lips. Today was the day. Her followed as they passed by (never noticing her) before she latched onto them from the back.

Their words were impossible to make out from the crowd. Any insight was garbled from other people letting their's bounce against the narrow hallway. How anyone could discern sense from this buzzing was a genuine puzzle.

Once they entered the cafeteria, the swarm stretched and expanded outward. People nudged and bumped against each other as they raced to get their food or secure their seats. Leni was caught in this crossfire, her own clumsy movement too slow for the lively and boisterous groups proceeding. Since she knew where the "popular" girls sat, she devised a plan to wait it out. She wanted to yield to the mob (be polite) before freely walking to join them at their predetermined spot.

But plans, as usual, didn't work out.

The wave's inertia shifted her from her foundation, nudging her towards the other side of the cafeteria even as others go on ahead without her. Leni didn't speak up, lest she compromise her politeness as well (after all that had happened, she needed _something_ to retain).

By the time everyone cleared out, she stood alone in a foreign region of the space. She gazed around trying to reorient herself. She peered at some of the different folks sitting at their tables. Many of them were crowded by kids, cliques that were well acquainted (and probably not even interested in clothes).

Yet her eyes, in their search for the "popular" girls, got hung up. In a nearby corner, there was a large emptiness at one of the tables stashed against the wall. Well, mostly empty. There was a single girl sitting there by herself.

Leni hadn't recalled seeing this girl before. She looked nothing like the Carol or Lori or any of the "popular" girls. She wore a tight black T-shirt on her plump frame and she adorned a long messy braid to sculpt her curly light brown hair. The girl picked at her food, trying to eat it as slowly as possible and making as little noise as possible.

Leni moved, placing one foot in front of the other towards that desolate table. The mysterious girl never looked up from her lunch tray. That changed once she was directly in front of her. She looked up to reveal her wide, nervous eyes.

 _"You better smile."_

Leni perked up an exceptionally wide grin as she stood before this quiet person. And, with a confident breath, the Loud spoke up.

"Hi, I'm Leni!"


	30. For Her

This was awkward.

Leni stood straight, pulling every muscle in her face just to keep that smile going. Yet, there was no immediate reply. This girl looked up at her, her wide eyes trembling while the rest of her body froze. Leni was left to wonder if it was what she said, the way it came out, the fact that she (some weird stranger) had surprised an unsuspecting victim. She considered apologizing, but for what? In spur of the moment stuff, her train of thought couldn't be counted upon to run smoothly. It was like a freight that was running behind schedule with carts unexpectedly breaking off from the whole.

"Hi," the girl said softly.

Before Leni could respond, the girl ducked her head back into her tray, silently chewing her meal (a meager turkey sandwich). Leni's eyes wandered as she tried to think of how to recapture her attention. She scolded herself as her mind drew a blank, as if words themselves were alien. It made her wonder how talking could come so easily to all those people around her. The elaborate blanket of conversations (the seamless sound) was a marvel all on its own.

Suddenly, it returned to her. Mrs. Lane had once told her about some "ice breakers" for meeting new people. Leni couldn't find any ice in the warm cafeteria, but those phrases were questions. Those weren't hard to say.

"What's your name?" Leni asked with a new confidence. She pulled her cheeks back even further, making sure that smile was nice and wide.

The girl looked back up. Her body had this stiff stillness. The tight shoulders, the arms bent towards her body, those wavering eyes all sent little nudges to Leni, encouraging her to be a pillar of support. She couldn't tell whether it was the face or the "ice breaker", but something worked in that moment.

"Helen," she whispered. If Leni hadn't been so focused on her, that answer wouldn't have reached her. But now there was progress. And more needed to happen.

"Is it alright if I, like, sit next to you?" Leni asked. Her cheeks were starting to hurt and the smile was wobbling. Inevitably, the corners softened and the form shrunk.

Helen nodded as she took another bite of her sandwich.

This was interesting, Leni thought. Even as she planted herself on the seat opposite Helen, her hands were jittery. No words could have been said (or at least not immediately). Leni stared at her new "friend", who was mostly fixated on her sandwich.

For the next few minutes, the only noise either of them could hear were the conversations happening nearby. Occasionally, Helen nervously looked up at this stranger. Leni, whose upright eyes was perpetually staring, perked a smile whenever that happened. She hoped that would lend itself for a more comfortable interaction.

It was only after she finished her meal that Helen lifted her head. The two looked at each other, anticipating some verbal acknowledgement. The only question was who would initiate it. Leni hoped that this new "friend" would start dropping questions about her or better yet, give her own life story.

Things weren't that simple, though.

Another minute passed and Leni realized that _she_ would have to do the talking. Without an arsenal of words to turn to, she resorted to those good old "ice breakers".

"Like, how are you feeling?" Leni asked, her mouth desperately trying to get each syllable out in a timely, natural manner.

"Fine."

Short. Simple. Back to silence Helen went.

So this was what conversing felt like, Leni figured. A struggle to translate intangible vibes into coherent words. None of the "popular" girls produced this much silence in the span of several minutes. As she observed this, Leni pondered what made her sit with this one person, this lonely girl in the corner of the cafeteria. In the midst of finding the answer, she opened her mouth.

"What grade are you in?" Leni asked.

"Seventh."

An idea came to her. Right before she replied, Leni halted herself. This wasn't gonna be another drone, much like a lot of what she said. This needed a bigger reaction, something to give her life, something that would convey how much she cared. Leni gasped.

"Oh my gosh! Like, me too," Leni exclaimed.

That did the trick. For a flicker, she could have sworn Helen's eyes lightened, settled down as if everything were okay. It was like she had finally come to peace with something that was eating at her mind (whatever it was, Leni didn't know). Yet again, it may have just been her imagination. Helen still didn't speak or smile or give off any positive relief from Leni's presence.

It was daunting trying to get more than two words out of this girl. If this were Cassidy, she would have had a thousands things to say about the salad on her tray. Cassidy could have used up at least an hour talking about her favorite songs, her friends, her family, anything. But neither of them were Cassidy. Leni was disappointed by how empty her brain was in this crucial conversation.

Back to the "ice breakers".

"What type of things do you like?" Leni asked, placing both her hands on the table. Helen, meanwhile, tucked her's in a lock beneath the surface.

"I like..." Helen said as her eyes darted around. Leni waited patiently, hoping that her friend could find something, anything to reveal about herself. Maybe she likes something she also liked, like clothes, and then the ball would really be rolling. Leni saw it rolling off the table and across the floor, continuing all the way to the door (on the other side of the cafeteria). And then they would be friends. Right?

"this table."

A brief, confusing pause. This was the ball turner, Leni pondered. As she gazed down on the blank grey surface, Helen continued, "I like this table because it's nice and cozy."

Well, it was something, Leni thought. It wasn't that Helen was even wrong. Sure there was another table next to it (one that was chatty at that) but it was one of the few sections of the cafeteria that had a walled corner next to it; the massive mid section, on the other hand, packed at least two hundred kids row after row, side by side. In addition to the limited human contact, those walls helped reinforce the comfortable seclusion. Leni felt safe in this corner, as if she didn't have to worry about the others harming her with their superior socializing, intellect, charm.

"Well I like clothes. I, like, have a sewing machine at my House and I, like, make all kinds of stuff with it," Leni said, smiling as she imagined herself doing that activity, "of course, there's also these five girls I spend time with. And, like, they like clothes too."

"Yeah," Helen replied, though her voice dragged on that precious syllable, refusing to cut it off.

"You should meet them!" Leni continued, "One of them is Cassidy and I think another is called Penelope. They're, like, totes close but I haven't made friends with them yet. I wanted to because, like, they like clothes and stuff."

It was only after she finished that Leni noticed that the girl had shrunk in her seat; her shoulders had rolled forward, her neck fell even further, and her eyes had shifted to the floor. Regardless, Leni kept grinning.

"Do you have friends?" Leni asked curiously.

It took Helen a little time to compose herself, to get over the shivers those two names had brought. The task may have been difficult, but the sense of obligation lifted her head and sculpted her lips to look like a presentable neutral line.

"No," she answered softly.

Leni didn't know what to say. Behind that small grin was a wave of worry. The sitting alone in the desolate table now had a reason tacked on. Should this revelation have surprised her? Her plan to get more involved with the "popular" girls had been sidetracked by this sight. Was this girl with a different body, different hair color, and different name just a reflection? Was Leni really attracted by her own image?

"Do you, like, wanna be friends with me?" Leni asked without any additional thought.

Helen stared at her, astonished. She witnessed those vulnerable eyes grow until they were plates. Strange, Leni thought, given how the only option they had for eating were rectangular trays.

"Do you mean it?" she asked tentatively.

Mean it? What reason was there to lie about something like this, Leni pondered. It wasn't like she had other people to turn to if she was, no meanies to impress, no villainous mission to achieve from tricking this defenseless girl. She spoke what she meant, or at least when she thought she was telling the truth.

"Of course," Leni exclaimed. This response required teeth and in went the lips. As she observed Helen's reaction, she thought she could see those corners on her lips twitch, as if they were tempted to race upward. That was progress, which she was ecstatic to accept.

"Do you have a phone? Can I have your number?" Helen asked. It was the first thing she said naturally, another telling sign for Leni.

"Yup."

Leni pulled out her smartphone and eagerly opened up the contacts page. Looking over the screen, she saw Helen's, which was one of the more basic brick cellphones. But it wasn't the model that Leni noticed. Coating the outside was neon pink (more accentuated than the pale hue on her phone case) and a pony with the same coat. She had an adorable magenta mane and stunning blue eyes, but the most fantastic feature was her giant beaming grin.

Her heart suddenly felt like a hefty cannonball lodged in her chest. Words mashed against each other until they formed a lump, one too thick to let air pass. Leni wanted to avert her gaze, give herself some space to decompress. But she needed this number, just as much Helen needed her's. Besides, it would open the door for future discussion on this pressing matter.

Leni struggled to pay attention to each digit, haphazardly tapping the appropriate button on the screen. Eventually, she got some combination of ten numbers that was certain to be correct. Now, the burden fell on her to announce each digit of her own phone number. She took it slowly, granting copious space between each number, just to make sure it was right. A burning voice in the back of her head told her that she was losing concentration, that she was spouting off nonsense. But soon enough, ten numbers had been uttered.

"Thank you," Helen whispered, just barely loud enough for her to hear.

"Thank _you_ ," Leni replied, although her smile was starting to slip from her control. Why did Helen still have to hold her phone out like that?

At this point, Helen was begging her to say something about that case. It was exhilirating to finally have someone in this school that liked that little girls cartoon (and especially towards a burst of sunshine like Rosy Cake). But in that crucial moment, she couldn't speak. Her throat was shut, her head was throbbing, her heart was too heavy.

The bell was the only thing that could have cut this internal tension. Leni jumped from her seat before Helen had the chance to speak. She had to get away. It was too much. Overwhelming. Too exciting.

Once in the hallway, her body relaxed (or as much as it could, given those fresh memories).

How was it possible for her to go all this time without encountering someone as perfect as Helen? Was she really that unaware of her surroundings? Did all this pity carry some merit?

Helen wasn't like those "popular" girls. Sure she was a little quiet, but Leni figured that wasn't her fault. After all, she herself wasn't much of a chatterbox (or a box for that matter). Sure her wardrobe could have used some work, but Leni figured that was what friends were for.

Leni realized that Helen was something more than a girl sitting by herself in the cafeteria. She was someone that had no interest in doing all that weird stuff that Lori does. She wasn't afraid to express herself, even if it took a little nudging to get it out. She was just as nervous about making friends as Leni was. Helen was her. A click was made.

Was this what friendship felt like?

If it was, then why hadn't she already gotten it from the "popular" girls? Were they really her friends, even though they also liked clothes. Suddenly, that drive to pursue them was gone. Now they were just ordinary girls that had each other and didn't need anyone else, not even her. And Leni felt...fine about that. All her interest was now invested in this girl she met not even half an hour ago.

So now what?

As she approached Mrs. Lane's room, Leni got hopeful for yet another session. She perked up a smile as she bounced in the room, where the teacher and both her classmates were already there.

"Hi Mrs. Lane!" Leni exclaimed before turning to the boys sitting at the table, "Hi Jake! Hi Billy!"

"Hello Leni. You seem excited today," Mrs. Lane said with a smile.

Sure this was a room where the voice echoes back and forth, but even Mrs. Lane was smiling. Maybe on this day, a little bit of that pity could go away, Leni thought. Maybe she was one step closer to proving her worth. But silliness aside, she smiled.

"You bet! I made a new friend!"

* * *

Leni was plopped down on her bed, staring at her phone. Helen's name glowed in large black letters with the ten digit number below.

Was this the best idea? Lori did it so much that it was nothing by this point. The thought, though, was so scary that she must have sworn her big sister was a superhuman for having no fear.

What was she even gonna write? Hello? What type of shows do you like? Leni sighed as she debated the question further. She wondered if Helen would even pick up or if she would be annoyed. After all, she did swoop in to her table unannounced. She contemplated whether Helen even liked her or if she had driven her off (whether by irritation or anxiety).

Leni didn't have those nasty feelings towards her. She liked Helen. To her, Helen was gentle, interesting, well-versed, and kinda cute. She didn't have the same appearance as the other girls in the school. Her chubby face stood out in a striking way, another reminder that she wasn't willing to conform to the stereotype that persisted throughout the school (and from that stuff Lori saw on TV).

Could she say the same, though? Leni asked herself if she really thought she had a chance with those "popular" girls. She couldn't recall if she even introduced herself to them or if she just happened to sit next to them and listen to their conversations. It was like watching a show where she learned about them, but they barely knew her name. No wonder she dismissed them so easy. She hoped they wouldn't be mad from this.

Right?

Finally, she made her decision. Leni took a deep breath and opened up the Messenger. Inputting the proper contact, Helen's name popped up on the blank white screen. Tap. She was now faced with the daunting keyboard. So many letters, so many words, so many wrong ways to phrase. How should it sound? Does Lori have this much trouble cobbling together sentences?

 _"Hi"_

Was that gonna be enough? To her, that sounded too simple, as if Helen wasn't the most special person in the world. Thankfully, after playing around with a certain button in the bottom left corner, she added some flair.

 _"Hi!"_

Perfect, Leni concluded as she tapped 'Send'. As the green bubble popped on screen, she planted her face into her blanket. She couldn't believe she just did that. Her mind was now swirling with limitless possibilities. It was scary, yet exciting. Extraordinary yet mundane. Leni's experience and Lori's habit.

Every thirty seconds, she lifted her head and checked her phone. No response. Head went back down. This brutal cycle repeated several times, each one eating more and more at her. Was Helen annoyed? Did she hurt her feelings? Did she barge in at a bad time?

 _"Oh no,"_ Leni said to herself. Did she lose her first and only friend? She was a monster, she feared. That's what it seemed like. To her, there was no other reason why Heen hasn't got back. She doesn't want to see her now. Not after this.

Beep.

Every part of her shot up, especially her eyes. Everything was perked towards the glowing phone with a new message on it.

 _"Hi. How are you doing?"_

Leni was beside herself. Five words and two punctuation marks were enough to rock her world. Her eyes were too overwhelming to keep her eyes on the letters, opting to cool off with the plain painted walls. In her effort to conpose herself, she giggled, making her glad Lori wasn't in the room to see it.

She knew that Lori would have never laughed or have been this ecstatic to see something as simple as a text message. But she couldn't help it. It was just an intensity that knocked everything around until her insides felt like jelly. If she had known making friends was this exhilirating, she would have started a while ago.

Better late than never, she supposed (even though a part of her longed for the lost days of play dates and hang outs).

Picking up the phone again, Leni held her heavy fingers over the screen. Now was time for yet another thrill. How much would she say? What would she reveal from her rich mind?

 _"I am good thanks,"_ she typed. Even though her movement stopped, she couldn't bring them over to the 'Send' button. Something was missing, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it (beneath it was just more letters). She scrapped her word bank, trying to extrapolate some type of question, anything. Leni wanted to learn about this girl, _"wanna come over my house tomorrow"._

Send.

No time to think. She didn't plan or coordinate or go through what such an occasion would have been like. It was an impulse. Based on her experience, her first instinct was rarely ideal. Often, it was rash and only led to bad things (unlike Lori's first instincts). Her forehead throbbed as she tensely anticipated the reply.

 _"Okay,"_ her phone read.

That was it. Just like that, she was in the same league as Lori. Only people as amazing as his siblings got the honor to have hang outs. There may be some jitters and confusion, but Leni didn't mind. All she could think about was her new friend and the day they would share together (and with that phone case).

* * *

Leni felt like Lori too. She scrambled around the room in search of...something. Her big sister watched from the bed while she sporadically did some "chores". One moment she was fluffing her pillow again, the next she was digging through mountains of shoes and boxes in the closet. Leni knew that the room had to be perfect (and what better way to spruce up the place than to find a lucky pair of mittens. She had no use for them, but they were so adorable that she wanted to pass them along to Helen.

After ripping open yet another cardboard box, she pulled them from the rubble. Holding them up, she analyzed the pink yarn, the delicate knitting, the reasonable size. She hoped it would be appreciated. Why was it just lying in the closet out of sight? She brushed off the dust and pressed some of the wrinkles before plopping them down on her sheets.

Lori hasn't met this girl Helen. Leni mentioned her name several times, but she didn't know any person of that name at school. Nor was she seeking one. She didn't have any plans for the afternoon so she decided to lie on her bed. Text some of her own friends, surf the Web, and maybe acquaint herself with this Helen.

The doorbell rang.

Just in the nick of time. Leni bolted from the door and raced down the stairs. It was only on special occasions like this where her excitment translated so fully to her legs and feet. It was like a dream (that she magically couldn't wake up from). Upon hitting the bottom, she flung the door open.

"Hi!" Leni exclaimed uncontrollably as her hungry eyes met those of Helen's.

The girl stood by herself, her legs bent inward and both hands clutching her backpack's straps. As it became obvious that Helen's pensive posture remained unchanged, something told Leni that yelling was a bit much. What was going on with her? All this time, she wasn't fazed by her friendless life. Now, she was a loose cannon and a clingy monkey. Leni forced herself to take some thoughtful breaths. It was time to start over.

"Hi Helen. Thanks for coming," Leni said gently, subtly waving her hand.

Helen glanced at the hand motion and her muscles relaxed, as if they were being sedated by a form of meditation. It took Leni a moment to make this connection. It impressed her and she decided to perpetuate the motion, moving her waving hand back and forth, left and right. There were definitive results; Helen's spine developed some substance and she slowly readjusted her posture, eventually producing an air of comfort within her own body.

"Sorry about that Leni. I should have said 'hi' sooner," Helen replied, scratching the back of her head.

"No," Leni insisted, "I get it...please come in."

After peering at Leni's hopeful, warm face, Helen found it in her to take those crucial steps, one that cemented her friend's confidence. As she passed by her, Leni smiled.

"Thanks you," Leni whispered, content in that smile of her's.

The ascent upstairs was slower than the initial descent, but Leni didn't mind. After all, she was more than willing to move at her friend's pace. After all, Helen was the one kind enough to grant this fantastic friendship upon her. She needed to serve Helen, not indulge in her own silly feelings.

 _"Who cares about those?"_

Soon enough, Leni happily opened the door to the bedroom.

"This is where I sleep, but I'm not the only one in here," Leni said as she turned to the apathetic third occupant, "and this is my big sister Lori."

It was hard for Lori to look up from her phone, given how she was texting Bobby (a "friend" of her's). But she had been summoned, causing her to slowly lift her head.

"Hi," Lori said flatly.

"Lori, this is Helen. She's my friend," Leni said, using her hands to point to the girl in question.

"Cool," she replied. Her phone vibrated in her hands. That was the perfect excuse to dig her head right back into this important conversation. None of them were bothered, especially as Leni continued her tour.

"This is, like, the best thing ever," Leni said as she approached her sewing machine, "I got this for, like, my birthday and I've used it ever since. I use it to make clothes."

Helen silently observed Leni plug in the machine and flip it on. As if the red blinking lightbulb on the surface wasn't enough, she clamped on the pedal, causing the presser foot to run. Leni happily gazed as she watched it vibrate back and forth, occasionally jerking her head back at Helen. From what she could gauge, Helen's expression was unchanged. Clearly, it was time to take the next step.

"I want to make you a new outfit," Leni announced hastily.

Helen was taken aback. All of this felt so sudden that she accidentally took a step back and her eyes widened.

"Oh," she said weakly, "you don't have to. I wouldn't want to bother you."

Leni loudly gasped.

"Are you kidding?" Leni said exasperated. Indeed, she felt like acting cartoonish to convey her sincere convictions. She slapped her hand against her chest, "As your friend, I want to make you look, like, pretty!"

Helen felt herself wound up in a bind. She wasn't expecting something like this on her first hang out, let alone with a girl that dressed so differently from herself (simple T-shirt, tight fuzzy yoga pants, and neon sneakers). Not knowing what to do with her hands now, she wrapped them around her stomach.

"You don't have to do that," she said as her head lowered. She examined her body, observing the modest clothing and her plump body, "there's nothing wrong with how I look."

The first thing she heard was Leni giggling. Looking up, she saw the girl facing the machine and a piece of fabric she was pulling out of the nearby drawer.

"That's what you're gonna say once I finish. You'll put it on and you'll wish you were beautiful before this," Leni said cheerfully.

Lori shot her head up from her phone. Sure enough, her little sister was too invested in her work to see the raised eyebrow. Taking advantage of the awkward silence, she coughed violently, hoping it would attract her attention. Nothing worked. Lori then turned to Helen (the girl that Leni claimed to be her friend). Not even she was fazed by her intervention. Instead, the girl just stood there clumsily as she readjusted her hands, which were locking her clinging arms.

"Oh...okay," she said simply. Lori watched as the girl turned in her spot, trying to find a place to sit down. At one point, Helen was in front of her bed, gazing at it. Even from the other side, Lori saw a tinge in the girl's eyes, a look of desperation. All Lori could wonder was how long it would take her sister to realize this.

She knew Leni didn't mean to hurt her friend's feelings, but something had to be done. Anything.

"You can sit on my bed if you want," Lori said, using one of her hands to pat on the mattress. Helen tentatively shifted her eyes between her and the bed. For a solid ten seconds, the girl was frozen on her feet (not that Leni noticed). Lori didn't realize how involved she was getting with this girl she only met, so she gave a reassuring grin, "Feel free. I'm okay with it."

After a few more seconds of hesitant contemplation, Helen quietly took her seat at the very edge before turning and seeing Leni sewing away.

"So, like, how was your day?" Leni asked as she finished a corner on the fabric.

"Uh fine..." Helen said in response.

Leni had the burning urge to ask another question, but getting the thread through this particular section required some dire attention. She did her best to clear her mind of the excitement and chills she had. One clamp after the other, inch by inch the material glided through the presser foot. It was tough and a little stressful, but sure enough she finished the section. And it was then that Leni lifted her toes from the pedal.

She took a step back and realized all the wonderful progress she was making. By then, she had half the dress done in the span of a few minutes. Who knew the minutes could fly like that? All that just to make a friend happy. Leni turned around to see her friend sitting on Lori's bed watching her. As she shot her a smile, she broke the girl's introspective trance and painted a similar grin on her face. Helen was so cute when she smiled.

"What'ya thinking about?" Leni eagerly asked.

"Nothing really," Helen answered, rubbing her hand against her pants, "I'm glad that you're doing this for me and...yeah."

As Leni grinned even more and returned to her work, Lori couldn't help but observe (so much for talking with Bobby). To her, this was surreal. Leni was unusually upbeat and talkative (even when she thought being quiet was better) while her friend was tolerating this nonsense. What was going on here, Lori asked herself. How much did those two even know about each other? Either way, she thought it'd be best to stay here in case something went wrong.

"Tell me more about yourself," Leni said as she focused on the next patch. Her anticipating ears shot open as they awaited a story.

"Well I live on the other side of town. I live with my Mom and Dad," Helen said.

"Any brothers or sisters?"

Helen shook her head, however it took her a moment to realize that Leni couldn't see it. A verbal response was in order and, after a deep breath, carried it out with a 'no'.

"Aww! That must be so lonely," Leni said, her voice filled with an inflated sympathy, "Like, I have a big family. There's Lori and then I have seven little sisters and a little brother named Linky. They're all really fun and I love them all!"

"Okay," Helen said.

Several more seconds passed with the only audible sound being the machine's humming. It served as a soothing rhythm that created a murmuring life in the warm room. Helen found herself sinking into its comfort, being encouraged to relax. After all, she was a welcomed guest in this room. She had a right to be happy.

Suddenly, she felt a buzzing in her pocket. Helen knew who it was, so she pulled out her phone. Indeed, it was a text.

"Sorry about that," Helen said, acknowledging the (absent) sound the muffled vibration made, "my Mom just texted me. Let me just write back to her."

That got her attention. Leni stopped the entire operation and jerked around her chair. Indeed, Helen had her phone and on the back was Rosy Cake. Seeing her favorite party pony made her sit beside herself. Of all the chances she had before this, she could have dropped the big question (the one that would have put all the puzzle pieces together). Leni couldn't stop staring at that phone case in the midst of the (completely) silent room.

But the corner of her eye also caught Lori. After all this time, she was still in the room completely aware of everything that had transpired. Lori was a devastating roadblock in this endeavor. There was no way she was willing to admit her love of _Princess Pony_ to her. She distinctly remembered Lori decrying it as "babyish", "too girly", and "disgustingly sweet". Sure the _real_ show had elements of that, but Leni knew better than that; she saw the show as one that had the power to start debate, break hearts, and pull her at the edge of her seat.

 _"Why don't you tell her that? Maybe you'll change her mind."_

Could she, though? Leni tried to envision putting herself out there, spilling her heart about this show and how much she loved it, how she knew it way better than those naysayers that only saw the surface.

And then what? Lori would have destroyed that argument, picking it apart piece by piece whether through logic or a tart "I don't care." And then Leni would have been exposed, revealed to have been a fan of that decrepit show. Then she would have started teasing her about it, never granting her an ounce of respect again. The fear was too great.

With her mouth sealed off, Leni reluctantly returned to her work. The rest of the operation was quick, smooth, and silent. She feared that if she opened her mouth, mention of Rosy Cake would break free. Why did Lori have to hang around here, Leni thought. What interest did she have just lying around when she could have done that in _literally_ any other room?

But within minutes that didn't matter. Leni couldn't believe it. With a clouded mind and unusual pressure, she had crafted a pretty purple dress in record time. It wasn't too complicated, but it was well-stitched and a decent fabric. It wasn't too flashy, but Leni figured it had some style.

"Well..." Leni said, holding that word as she slowly turned around, "Here it is!"

As she held up the finished dress, Helen couldn't help but stare at it. Here was a gift, a new dress, made just for her. Leni peered around the fabric to capture her reaction. Helen's mouth fell open, forcing her hand to come to its rescue. And then, it took a new form. Her mouth closed and the lips slightly curled upward.

It was too much. Leni jumped from her seat and stretched her arms outward. But as she charged towards her, it dropped and Helen staggered back. Leni saw her wide eyes and shaken face before making the connection. How could she have been so inconsiderate.

"Sorry," Leni said gently, lowering her arms, "Is it okay if I hug you?"

Helen softly nodded and smiled. There it was. Leni was worried that grin was gone forever. Using the opportunity, Leni slowly and carefully curled her arms around Helen, enveloping her in a warm embrace. It felt nice being in there. It was a special type of fuzziness she only got when she hugged her family (which was a lot). Was that it? Was this new friend now on that same level as family? Leni hoped so.

"Oh wait," Leni said as a thought suddenly appeared. She broke away from the hug and looked at her own bed. Sure enough, the pair of mittens were resting on her sheets. Leni rushed there and grabbed them, "These are for you. For friends."

Helen stared at the knitted mittens with awe. As if the dress wasn't enough. And just like that, the smile was back.

"Sure," Helen said, with a hint of confidence (Leni was glad to see that). The two of them stared at each other with Lori in the background.

Lori was still bedazzled by this whole scene. Somehow, in spite of all that had happened, Leni was cut out for friendship after all. She smirked a little before returning to her phone.

"Thanks."


	31. Afternoon Chore

Animal crackers were an odd snack. They looked bland, tasted plain, felt coldly solid, and created the most obnoxious crunch as it sat in the mouth. And yet, Leni couldn't get enough of them. Sometimes she thought it was weird, but she enjoyed the certainty that came with eating those crackers. Every one was gonna give the same reasonable effect. They were a stable condition that gave her peace.

The question of why she needed peace was intangible and she'd rather not deal with it now.

Today was gonna be a normal day. School had gone by without incident and the afternoon seemed to be clear (after all, none of her siblings had snagged the crackers). She hadn't heard of anyone making plans that would have involved dragging her along. It was purely Leni's afternoon by her terms. One cracker at a time.

Eventually, the bag ran out of them. At first, Leni wasn't sure where to go from there. Without a plan, she sat at the kitchen table gazing off in the distance. There wasn't much to see aside from the papers stashed on the fridge's metal surface. Drawings from Lana and Lola, a spelling test Linky got an A on, a sheet that was practically painted black from all the tightly condensed numbers on it (most likely Lisa's work). Leni found them all lovely. She was glad to have such fun, interesting siblings.

"Lola no! Lana, crayons are not for walls!"

Leni's ear vibrated as it registered the floor scuffing, Lori's barking, and little high-pitched protests. Perhaps this wouldn't be so lonely after all. Her eyes watched as Lori hauled the twins (one in each hand) into the kitchen. Her face was tense, irritated. Lana and Lola were no better. The former was bouncing around, as if the only thing stopping her from exploring the world was her big sister's iron grip. The latter had her eyes clamped shut and her frown told volumes; she just didn't want to be in here at all.

"Okay," Lori said, her voice struggling to remain level amongst the pulling resistance, "it's time to eat and you're gonna have every last bite. Got it?"

As if getting them into the room wasn't enough, forcing the twins into the pair of baby boosters was literally jamming a square peg into a circle hole (or two pegs into one hole?). Leni sat silently as her big sister grabbed Lola with one arm while using the other to contain Lana. It was clear neither of them were hungry (much less craving for the cheap slop called baby food).

"Should I, like, help?" Leni asked, although her unsupported voice was mangled on its passage through the messy mash of childish uproars. By the time it reached Lori, it was little more than a vague murmuring sound.

"What?" Lori demanded, her powerful voice easily crossing the table in tact.

It became clear what was required of her.

"Want help?" Leni exclaimed, trying to shape her hands into a megaphone on top of her shouting.

"No! I got it!" Lori shot back as she finally wrangled Lola into the booster. Now with both her hands, getting the other Loud seated was easier.

With the twins making every noise imaginable, Leni had no interest (or need) to be in the kitchen. She got up and walked into the living room. For the most part, the space was empty (even the TV was off). However, Leni spotted the top of a blonde head peeking over the couch. Wrapping around, she saw her mother.

Rita's dreary eyes were shut and her arms were lazily sprawled across the couch. Resting on the vacant cushions were stacks of forms along with her cell phone. Leni had heard murmurs of "something to do" but no one had given her any specifics (it wasn't like she went up and asked). It was taking a toll on Lori, though, as she had been noticeably more active with caring for the younger siblings. And this wasn't the first time her mother was passed out in the middle of the afternoon. She wished she could help her mom and Lori out, (if only they'd ask for it). They worked so hard.

Leni's eyes fell on the papers scattered nearby. There were so many of them it was impossible to ignore. Besides, there wasn't a crime for learning more. And it was gonna let her help out.

She knelt down beside the arm, mindful to not wake up her parent. As she got closer, the black ink converged into coherent letters and figures. The first form she saw had "Royal Woods Senior High School" printed across the top with a paper clip snugged next to it. This was intriguing. Leni carefully snatched it and sat against the outer side of the couch. Holding it up, she read.

It was an interesting document, mostly filled with fancy words like "appeal", "early advancement", and "individual". Although there were some terms she was familiar with, "Lisa" and "Senior High School" didn't fit very well together. Near the bottom of the page was a handwritten excerpt. Judging by the small loopy handwriting, she presumed it was her mother's work.

 _"My daughter Lisa has shown extraordinary intelligence despite her young age. As the attached examination forms verify, Lisa can speak at an tenth grade level, read at a twelfth grade level, perform basic calculus problems, and has demonstrated an exceptional curiosity for learning in all subjects, especially science. I do not believe that Lisa would benefit from entering the traditional education program at age five; to wait several years to start kindergarten would be wasting intellectual talent. Therefore, I urge you to review this portfolio and consider enrolling Lisa at the Senior High School for the 2013-14 year."_

Sure enough, Rita Loud's signature was below.

Still, even after finishing, Leni still felt confused. How was it that her mom knew so many big words, let alone use them on this piece of paper. Was she trying to confuse anyone that wanted to read what she had to say? As if that wasn't enough, there was Lisa possibly going to high school, the place where big kids on TV went to. Lisa wasn't big at all. She was so small, young, and huggable. Leni wished her baby sister would let her hug her. But now she was gonna be ahead of both her (and maybe Lori) in school. She wanted to learn more about this.

Leni slid the paper back into place before sifting through some of the others. A lot of them had labels from the Hospital and other non-school organizations. They were filled high numbers and even more words she didn't understand. The only thing she knew about them was that they had to do with Lisa and how smart she was. There were so many. Eventually, "Royal Woods Senior High School" appeared again. Perhaps this one would have had some easy words.

 _"After reviewing the portfolio, Lisa has demonstrated rapid intellectual development at a young age and an ability to handle the academic rigor of the curriculum, however I have reservations on enrolling her in the School for the upcoming year. Although I am certain she can manage the workload, enrolling Lisa directly to the Senior High School would pose challenges to her emotional and social development. Lisa needs to be a kid as much as she needs to learn; she needs to have fun, mature emotionally, and form connections with others her age in order to become a healthy, successful person._

 _The examination forms attached indicate that Lisa has difficulties controlling her emotions and socializing that are atypical among children her age. Understanding that Lisa has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, there are concerns regarding the Senior High School's ability to provide the necessary accommodations for her. If Lisa were to be enrolled, it would be costly to carry out an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) expansive enough to fulfill these extraordinary social and emotional needs. Furthermore, I do not believe this unusual program would be as effective in developing these aspects as the traditional educational system with a more incremental IEP to complement it._

 _For these reasons, I cannot recommend an early advancement for Lisa. If you have any further questions, please contact me."_

So that was it? This was the result of her mom putting herself out there? That didn't feel like a happy ending. Lisa was pretty smart, after all.

Inspecting the date on the bottom, however, she noticed the form was filled out a month ago. Suddenly, the gears were turning again. Leni realized she had to learn more. She needed to know if there was a followup, a reason why her mom was napping even a month after that ordeal. She dug through some papers, easily encountering ones with more recent dates attached. They were filled with more complex vocabulary, interspersed with various handwriting styles (some of them were her mom's, others were her dad's, but many of them were either from someone else or from a computer). The trail was long, winding, and Leni couldn't keep track of the sequence.

As she scanned each one for a development she could wrap her head around, that question plagued her even more. Was Lisa gonna go to school with the big kids? Was that something she wanted? On one hand, she knew the baby was really smart (even if she didn't have time to share her knowledge) and thought it would be really cool if a baby got to start school early. But on the other hand, she has seen those shows about high school. Lori forced her to watch as the short, scrawny nerds became the targets of big mean bullies. If she or any of her siblings found out Lisa was getting teased at or beat up, she knew they would all be very upset.

 _"Are you really mocking Lisa's body?"_

Leni shivered. She loved her baby sister so much and she was gonna protect her, no matter where she wound up. And Lisa looked so adorable (especially with those big glasses her parents got her). If those bullies couldn't see how cute her sister was, then that was their loss.

Before she could find another document, one of her arms got violently yanked. The sheer force from it would have knocked her flimsy body over, if not for the hand retaining its grip. Leni turned to see it was Lori pulling her away from the couch. Her frown told her she was not happy. She eventually found her feet as her sister dragged her into the kitchen.

"What do you need? Mom's sleeping," Lori whispered intensely. Leni was taken aback. She didn't realize how much the twins did a toll on her.

"I just, like-"

"Keep it down!" she exclaimed softly.

Just like that, Leni clamped her mouth shut. She hated it when Lori snapped like that, especially towards her. How was she supposed to know it was quiet time? It wasn't like there was a sign or warning. Indeed, she froze, not moving or talking at all.

Once Lori realized what was happening, she started rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Say what you're gonna say. Just do it quietly," Lori said under her breath. It was a good thing Leni picked that out.

Leni's eyes briefly darted to her still sleeping mom before turning back to her patient sister.

"I just wanted to see what all that stuff was," Leni whispered, pointing to the various papers scattered around the couch.

"Really..." Lori murmured, trying not to be heard. It baffles her that all those weeks of her care taking had gone unnoticed. She sighed, "Mom and Dad are trying to get Lisa into high school because she's really smart and stuff."

It was just as she thought. Leni figured that those big words weren't the obstacle she thought they were. Admittedly, she was a little proud of herself.

"I only wanted to know," Leni responded innocently.

"That doesn't mean you should be snooping around their stuff. Mom and Dad have been really stressed out lately because they've been talking to the school nonstop," Lori said firmly. Her eyes were like lasers, searing into her face. It stung, but Leni forced herself to keep looking at her sister. After all, she deserved it.

"But I wasn't trying to, like, wake her up," Leni replied.

Lori sighed again, warning her sister.

"Still," she said, clearly getting annoyed, "you shouldn't be messing up that stuff. Mom needs it and the last thing she needs is for a form to go missing."

"I wasn't gonna mess it up," Leni replied, a little annoyed, "I just wanted to see what it said."

"You don't need to read that stuff. I literally just told you everything you need to know," Lori shot back.

Again, she had no idea how she was supposed to know any of this. Leni began to wonder what Lori saw in this whole situation. She knew what she was doing, but how was it that Lori couldn't? In any case, Leni concluded it wasn't worth throwing a fit over; the last thing Lori needed was more nuisances.

"So, like, what do you want me to do?" Leni asked.

"I dunno," Lori said as she exhaled rather noisily, "go upstairs and check on Lisa...or go in your room and whatever."

And just like that, Lori strolled back into the kitchen where the two twins squabbled over childish things. It must have taken a lot of hard work to rein in those two. Lori was always so responsible, Leni thought.

Leni rolled up the stairs, using the brief time she had in the vicinity to peer in on the mess her mom was in. Mom was always fighting for her kids, Leni observed. Once the living room was out of sight, Leni tried her best to only keep her eyes forward. Lori and her Mom had their duties covered, so it was time for her to fulfill her's. She carefully took each step quietly, lest she disturb some concept of peace she had conceived on the second floor.

She creaked the nursery door open, slowly leaning her head through the growing space. However it quickly became obvious that the lights were on. Once more of the room became visible, it came to her attention that little Lisa was not in her crib. And once the door was fully open, Leni saw the baby sitting on the floor against the wall reading a big book.

Leni smiled seeing her sister in her comfort zone. She was so cute with that giant tome in her tiny hands, its hard covers acting as protection (much like her mother's arms cradling her). Most importantly, she looked fine. Sure she wasn't smiling from the content she was reading, however she wasn't crying, she didn't need a diaper change, and she wasn't hungry. Lisa was content just the way she was. What more could Leni do for her? Go on another long ramble about how "similar" they are? Get her to throw another tantrum and make her look bad in mom's eyes?

"Hi Lisa," Leni said instinctively. Thankfully, it came across as confident and joyful rather than nervous and wavering.

"What is it?" Lisa asked flatly, head deep in the ancient pages.

"Nothing," Leni said, still standing in the doorway. After last time, she wasn't gonna force her body upon the baby unless she got permission. Besides, there were other means of getting her message across. She grinned, "I just wanted to say that I love you."

"Okay."

Lisa turned to the next page while adjusting her thick black spectacles. From here, Leni thought they were a little big for Lisa's head. That's okay, though. Lisa was gonna grow into them with time (unlike some).

Not wanting to take any more risks, Leni slid out of the room, gently closing the door in front of her.

Well, that was it, Leni figured. That was the only "chore" she thought she could do. Now it was time to think outside the box.

Facing her left, she considered visiting Linky. Maybe he needed help with something. She took several steps and swung open the door, preparing her throat to give hearty 'Hi' to her special little brother. However there was no Linky on his bed. In fact, the room was empty. Taking a look around, she noticed that there were some stuff strewn about the floor, whether it was a shirt or a toy or one of his comic books. Should she do her brother a favor by cleaning his room?

Just then, she heard another door click open. Leni jerked back to see it was from the opposite end of the hall. And sure enough, emerging from the bathroom was none other than Lincoln himself.

"Hi Linky!" she exclaimed, forgetting about whoever else was in the House. The boy nearly jumped out of his skin from that sudden outburst. Even from the other side of the corridor, Leni saw the surprise present on his face.

"Oh hey Leni," he said as his feet finally secured their footing. Feeling it was appropriate for a conversation, her brother got closer to her, "What are you doing in my room?"

"I was gonna, like, clean your room," Leni said slowly. And to think that she was actually telling the truth.

Lincoln, however, looked at her genuinely confused. He stopped several feet before her and peered through the door.

"Why do you wanna do that?" he asked.

"Well," she said, darting her eyes. She thought she could go purely off her memory, but this nagging need yanked at her, as if someone were pulling her hair. It told her that she needed to double check, make sure she knew exactly what she was talking about, "I, uh," it was too much. She turned back to face the room. The stuff that she saw on the floor was still there, however was there really _that_ much of a mess? She pondered before continuing, "wanted to help you clean all this stuff."

To add onto it, she awkwardly smiled and jerked her hand out to one imaginary point in that turf. Leni stared at her brother, hoping that he would understand, that he wouldn't get angry at her.

"It's fine. I can do it myself," Lincoln said as he tried to enter his own room. He pressed in his belly so that he could slip past her older sister, observing him in the act. All she could do was giggle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, "Why are you laughing?"

"You're so cute, Linky," she said between each guffaw. At this point, Lincoln was standing in the middle of his own messy room, not entirely sure what to make of this situation.

"I'm seven years old! Why do you keep using that name for me?" he asked. He started rubbing his arm. All he could think about was how warm his room felt.

"Because you're, like, always gonna be my little baby brother," Leni answered, smiling. She then strolled a few steps into the room before laughing again, "Aww! Your squishy cheeks are, like, blushing."

"What?!"

Panic washed over Lincoln's red face. The boy dashed to the nearest mirror to examine his glowing complexion. Seeing all that made Leni chuckle even more. Whenever Linky tried to be like a "man" and try to assert that he's not cute, that only makes him even cuter. He couldn't help it.

"Do you need a hug?" Leni asked, stretching her arms out.

"No!" Linky shouted as he jerked over to his sister. By now, his head was a giant tomato with a fluffy white bush on the top. Before Leni could have reacted, Linky nudged her out of the room and slammed the door, "I-I need to cool off! I know...I'll do some push ups!"

Guess it was time for the "manly man" to do his special thing. From the other side of the hard wooden door, she even heard some exaggerated gasps and chants about how he was building "super muscles" and "ripped abs". Linky was so silly, Leni thought.

Without a baby to tend to or a room to clean, Leni found herself back at where she started: in the hallway. What needed to be done? What was she able to achieve? Her eyes wandered around the cramped second floor in search of the answer. Of course, the first direction they went was up at the ceiling. She was immediately captivated by the hanging rope and the round handle at its end.

 _"The attic could use some cleaning."_

And so her mind was set. Leni eagerly approached the handle and yanked it down. Sure enough, the wooden steps came tumbling down and dug into the plush carpet. She quickly examined her surroundings to make sure no one heard that swinging sound. Luckily, she didn't hear a "What was that" or "Leni". With that assurance on her side, she made her way up the steps as silently as she could.

In the time since she was last up there, the attic had accumulated at least another mountain's worth of antiques, whether they were old clothes or useless objects. Leni scanned the area, taking the time to assess what could have been within each stuffed garbage bag and dusty box. She tiptoed to various corners of the space trying to find something.

After all, as she kept telling herself, once she found the thing she was trying to look for, cleaning this museum would become a piece of pie (hopefully chocolate). Finding one of the corner pieces of a puzzle also had a nice ring to it.

Leni began opening individual boxes to examine their contents. The first one she came across had a thick film of dust running along the top. As she brushed it off, several pesky particles blew up into her nose, tickling it.

She used her hand to clamp her tightly squeezed face, fighting against every instinct to sneeze. It was a struggle that took her mind out of the whole ordeal. One sneeze and someone was gonna hear it, no questions asked. The sensation was overwhelming, rubbing violently against her nose, begging for some release. But in the end, it was Leni's willpower that won out. The tickling feeling subsided and once she took her hand away, she was back to normal. Now that was a close call.

Looking inside the box, she came across some books. Most of their covers had people on them, ones she didn't know. Across the bottom were not one, but two names. In any case, even Leni quickly realized this wasn't it. And so the search continued.

In a different part of the space was another cardboard box. It couldn't have been. Making a slow, awkward walk over to it, Leni reluctantly knelt down beside it and opened it. Inside were nine color-coded diaries. Her eyes widened as she remembered her and Lori having discovered them before. Upon seeing them, she stopped pretending that she wanted to clean this dump, that excuse fluttered away along with the dust.

"Maybe the answer is in here."

Leni reached in and pulled out the turquoise book. She turned to the first page, the same one she had read before (only now with an older set of eyes). She skimmed through the first few paragraphs as they summarized what she already knew, that the other Leni had died. She was familiar enough about that so that she could reflect upon it while keeping a dry face. She supposed that was somehow a sigh of maturity. However there was one point in the entry she didn't remember.

 _"Things have been black around the house. There have been days where I can't even get out of bed. I wanted to just curl up in a little ball and cry my life away, forget the whole world, and live in my head. But I knew I couldn't do that because Lori needed her mom._

 _And then there's Lynn. He tells me he's fine, but he's been moving a lot slower lately, as if he had one of those steel balls attached to his feet. Luckily, he doesn't act like that in front of the baby. He was still able to smile and play along with Lori when she was around. How he pulled that off was beyond me._

 _We hope that this will be for the best. Right, diary? I mean, once Leni comes, we'll be a family again. She may be taking a while, but that's okay. Better late than never, I guess."_

Leni's eyes widened as her hands tightened their grip on the book. No. She didn't read that correctly. She was just mixing up sentences again. There had to be a much happier explanation for all that.

Just before she could dwell on this issue further, another thought barged into her mind. Luna. That must have had some nice content in there. It was happy and a lot easier to understand than that nonsense. Leni nodded to herself several times as she tried convincing herself of this notion. And then, committed to the action, she replaced the turquoise book with the purple one.

Skimming through that one, there wasn't anything substantial (or at least about her). The only exceptions were occasional references to behavior she recalled her mom telling her about. Although there were side glances about her not playing all that much, nothing in her mom's words showed any concern.

She then turned to the yellow book, which she figured would have more of what she was looking for. To think that she used cleaning as a pretense to come up here. Flipping the pages of the fourth book, Leni was startled by the number of anecdotes about herself (when it was supposed to be all about Luan).

 _"November 3, 2001_

 _I don't understand what's happening with my little girl. Today, Leni spent the entire morning just sitting in a corner. I swear I didn't do it as punishment. I would never do such a thing!_

 _Once I noticed she was still there, I was concerned. She was just sitting there, looking at nothing. I tried playing peek a boo with her, but she never moved. It's like I wasn't even there._

 _This isn't normal anymore. I have to take her to Dr. Tyson."_

There was a strange feeling that came with reading something that was already known. Leni got a reassuring resolve from absorbing these descriptions, even though her parents had already told her all about them. Perhaps it was the medium, the tint of discovery that came with this diary. She felt like an archaeologist digging through old texts trying to discover the truth. Indeed, her mom jumped to life in these old pages with these innocent words.

After skimming through the rest of the yellow book, which documented the examinations leading up to the diagnosis, Leni still didn't feel satisfied. She wasn't sure why, but this topic especially fascinated her on this particular day. It was time to pull out the red book.

The fifth volume started off fairly normal (joyful even). Even though her mom backed off from references to Leni, she was still able to enjoy some of its early highlights. She thought it was cute to name Lynn after her very father and even the more normal baby stuff like the doctor visits and feeling kicks were refreshing. Time ceased to be important in this expedition for learning, especially as she stopped on one certain entry.

 _"February 22, 2003_

 _Lynn came home today with some concerning news. When he started talking, it made me think that he got laid off. I mean, I know the company hasn't been doing well in recent months._

 _Well, it wasn't a lay off. It was a 25% pay cut. Not even he could hide his disappointment with his goofy puns._

 _We talked about it for a while and things aren't looking great right now. All we could do was worry that evening. How we're gonna pay the mortgage once we move to the new House. How we're gonna pay for all of Lynn Jr's expenses. How we're gonna pay Maddy._

 _After we finished, I called up Maddy and broke the news to her. She understood and even offered to lower her price, even if it she gets less money. It was really nice of her, but I don't that's fair to her. Nor is it fair for us. We'll find other ways of paying for it all, although things will be crunched up for a while._

 _I guess the best thing I could do is get a job so I can bring some extra cash home for us._

 _I guess it'll also be wise to not have any more babies. I love children and all, but right now it's hard to imagine having more than five and still have enough money leftover._

 _Well, thanks for listening, diary. Let's hope things get better."_

And just like that, the game was over. Leni no longer pretended to be an archaeologist because she didn't want to learn anymore. There was nothing more to learn.

She didn't remember the family ever being poor or struggling. In her eyes, everything seemed perfectly normal with the cozy House and the sewing machine and her smartphone. Not only that, but her Mom never told her any of this. Her Mom never shared with her the stress she went through with raising any of them, let alone with Leni.

If reading those words on the page packed the punch they did, the things right before her eyes were preparing for an ambush. Even knowing that her mom now had a job and five kids came around after Lynn, Leni was still left shivering. How much of a burden did Linky have on the family? What about the other little kids that scrambled about the House, laughing away their carefree days?

What about herself?

If she didn't need Maddy in the first place, would her mom have used such strong language to express her feelings? Would that talk have even happened? Leni thought about her mom, who got up and went to the dentist's office to work (of course, she did take time off whenever another child was born). Even to this day, Rita still went there to make a living. To think that she was the reason her mom went to that job was scary, like looking down and not seeing a floor.

Leni got up and paced around the attic, trying to process all these new thoughts, debating with herself what all of this meant.

 _"Don't you get it? Your stupidity has destroyed your parents' happiness!"_

She knew it was wrong to give in to such sentiment. Leni remembered all those times Lori or her mom or whoever else in the House said that they loved her, that they would do anything for her. Clearly, all of them meant it and that they really did love her.

Right?

Suddenly, she paused. Her eye caught something peculiar in the attic's corner. It was a black blob tucked behind some old boxes and bags. Leni felt connected to it, that she needed to approach that area. Perhaps it could teach her something else, something that would wipe away all this silliness. After all, she was stupid to think that her own mother hated her. That's what her hope was.

Leni moved towards it, pushing the hefty boxes that stood in the way. As she made the audible sliding sound, the bulge shifted. Eventually it turned and revealed pale white. The girl froze. She just stood between some boxes, feeling out of place.

"Lucy?"

By then, the "bulge" revealed her mouth and the black was unkempt clumps of hair, mixed in with dust. Leni thought that her sister needed a thorough grooming, something to make that hair of her's really pop. But now wasn't the time for such superficial objectives. Leni didn't matter at all right then. Lucy had to be everything.

"What are you, like, doing up here?" Leni asked as she made her way through the cluttered path. As she got closer, she noticed a black journal in her sister's hands. It didn't look anything like the ones in the box. This one had a skull on the cover and there were tons of blank pages.

"I want to show my feelings the only way I know how," Lucy said, her voice coarse as gravel. She then held up the journal, which had some verses written down, along with her black pen, "the paper is my soul and the ink is my blood."

"You're bleeding?!" Leni exclaimed. She rushed forward and tripped against some foreign object. She panicked as she tumbled, worried she would crash on her sister (who apparently was in pain). Luckily, she broke her fall by gripping one of the wooden beams that made up the roof. Leni gasped for air as her eyes fixated on Lucy below.

"Where does it hurt? Let me see it! I can make it all better," Leni cried, her voice rapidly losing control of volume and balance. All the while, she struggled to readjust her footing so she could slide down beside her sister.

Lucy, though, merely sighed.

"You don't get it," she said softly, no hint of physical pain to be heard, "I just wanna write poems, to share the thoughts in my head."

She then sighed again, this time loud enough for Leni to hear.

At this point, Leni just felt silly. There were no red splotches anywhere. No tears or trembling. The only one in distress was herself.

Finally getting her footing, Leni took a seat next to her sister and looked at her solemn face. Lucy's hair was so long, it even covered her eyes. Leni thought they were simply beautiful, which made this fashion decision all the more confusing. But rather than speaking up, she watched as her sister stared at the notebook. Didn't she say she was writing? Why wasn't she doing it?

"So, like, why are you here in the attic all by yourself?" Leni asked.

"Didn't you just ask that?"

Leni quickly realized her mistake. She was amazed by how quickly she forgot something so simple, especially when she was trying to be a good big sister. The burden then shifted to finding another question, one that would really prove that she was a good listener. However, that took up a lot of time and silence. And she was reminded of that fact by another sigh.

As Lucy sulked even more, she found herself picking up the pen and scribbling in her journal. Those pen strokes got Leni's gears turning. At last, her little sister had given her the help she needed to help her.

"What ya writing about?" Leni asked, putting on an encouraging smile.

"Loneliness, how some people don't have anyone else to turn to," Lucy said grimly.

That was something relatable. While she didn't put a somber tint to it, Leni supposed that people were always in search of companions, people to be in their corner even when they messed up. Helen was already a treasure to her (and she reminded herself that she should text her a little later). But in the meantime, this was all about Lucy.

"Did you wanna read what you got?" Leni asked, keeping that smile.

Lucy didn't speak. Leni hoped that it was only because she was finishing a thought that required her full concentration. But whatever that was, it sure took up a lot of time and ink. Lucy was glued to her notebook, vigorously writing in it while blocking out the world around her.

Meanwhile, Leni was left to wonder what it was. Was her sister just that invested in her work? If so, then she should have been proud of her for finding a passion at such a young age. But then again, it was cold out in the desolate fields of ignorance. Without a definitive answer, Leni was left to speculate what was going on. Perhaps her little sister was just shy and wanted to be alone a lot. In that case, why wasn't she doing more to help, especially given that she wasn't much of a talker either? She might have been sitting there with her sister now, but who knew what poor Lucy had to put up with beforehand. Poor Lucy might have been going through something awful and she wouldn't have known how to let others know.

And who's fault was that?

But even with the little girl in the room, Leni couldn't help but think of those diaries, those professors of truth. With those in mind, looking back up at Lucy was painful.

 _"You're lucky she's even alive right now, no thanks to you!"_

It was a horrible burden to bear. Why couldn't she have just been better when it really mattered? Maybe her mother wouldn't have felt that awful then. Maybe Maddy wouldn't have been guilted into swallowing a pay cut. Maybe Lucy wouldn't have to live with the fear of "what if". Lucy was perfect. She didn't need that. Nor did Linky or Lana or Lola or even Lisa.

Even Lisa was perfect. At least she was using her gift to become smarter. Someday Leni knew her baby sister was gonna change the world. Suddenly, those calls to the school, those appeals paled in comparison. At least those didn't bank on life and death.

And Leni, of all people, should have known better. She shivered as she thought of that cursed paper that now sat in her drawer.

 _"For crying out loud, you're in the space where you stole that from!"_

Leni took several deep breaths, mindful to keep the volume down. Luckily, Lucy was too deep in her important art to notice something so silly, so pointless. Lucy was perfect. She was gonna change the world.

And then Leni smiled and looked up at her busy sister. She thought briefly of all the stress her mom and Mrs. Boxer went through in the past. She then reflected on the stress her mom and Mrs. Lane now had to put up with (that everyone just had to unfairly tolerate). But no more.

 _"I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna make sure nobody has to suffer for my actions anymore,"_ she told herself as she watched her sister produce her silent masterpiece.


	32. Shifting Circumstances

"Very good, Billy. When you laugh at a joke, you let the other person know that you like it and makes them feel good. And that's something people really like to see in a friend," Mrs. Lane explained as the usually stoic boy laughed at one of Jake's comment.

Leni didn't get it, though that didn't stop her from chuckling along.

"Now if we can get back on track, can anyone tell me anything else about reading body language?" Mrs. Lane asked as she pointed at the board. On it was a list of several basic responses, such as smiling, frowning, hugs, and handshaking.

The exercise had been stressful for her as she tried thinking of something new, something that none of the others could have said. Leni parsed through her memory bank for particular moments where things were as complicated as this.

One that came to mind was when Lori was talking about how she was the only one able to babysit her and their siblings with the House falling apart. She had a sense that through those inflated words and behind those cold shades presented a deeper story, a cue for her to say something in return. But even under these pressing circumstances, Leni couldn't piece it together. It was like trying to make out a silhouette lurking around an obscure corner.

Another was that sensation she got when confronted with Helen's Rosy Cake phone case. She was enamored by it and yearned to sing it to the world. But as that feather tickled her (coaxing her to let it out), she balked. Why was that? Why did she think of Lori in that moment?

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces fit together. Leni knew there was no time to waste. She hastily threw her arm in the air, hoping that Mrs. Lane could see how quick of a thinker she was. Sure enough, she pointed to her.

"Well there's, like, when you really wanna tell something to someone but, like, someone else is in the room and you, like, wanna keep it secret," Leni said eagerly. Perhaps too eagerly.

"Yes," Mrs. Lane said as she transcribed that on the board, "when you feel that way, you might get nervous. You might want to look away from the person you're trying to keep the secret from or tap your finger."

Well, the iron was hot. Now was the crucial moment, the one she had been planning for all day. Leni hoped that the teacher would leave a pause big enough for her to squeeze through. The end of that sentence, the way she heard Mrs. Lane utter that last syllable told her of that verbal period. Any delay and she would have cued the class to another question. It had to be now.

"Mrs. Lane, can I talk to you after class?" Leni blurted out.

"Of course," Mrs. Lane calmly replied.

There was the ticket right there. At first, Leni was breathless that she had done that. She thought she'd never see the day where she would insert herself into a conversation like that, to take charge the way she did. And now Mrs. Lane knew she had it in her. With that reassurance, she gradually reclined in her chair, coming to terms with the fact that she had done what she said she would.

Just then, Jake chucked up his arm and waved it around. Mrs. Lane smiled as she pointed to him.

"So I was watching TV yesterday and my Mom asked me to take out the trash. And she, um," he then fidgeted in his seat before folding his arms, "looked like this and then it made me want to take out the trash."

Mrs. Lane giddily rushed to the board and scribbled down those words.

"Very good Jake," she said, continuing to write, "now when someone does that, it means that they really want you to do what they want. They cross their arms and that tells you that you should stop to think about what they want," she then twisted around to meet the students, "Great job, Jake!"

"I had that same thing happen to me before," Billy said flatly, "but I didn't know why they were doing it so I did it too."

Mrs. Lane glanced at him quzzically, resting her hand under chin. Of course, she still harbored a gentle upward curve on her lips.

"Hmm," she said lightly as she rubbed some of her fingers along her jawline, "Do you remember what you were talking about?"

"I do not."

"That's okay. You didn't know any better," she said, dropping her hand. She then walked closer to the stoic boy as she continued, "but now you know that if you ever see someone doing that, you should think to yourself why they're doing it. They may want to change the subject or they may not like something you're doing. If you're unsure what that is, you can always ask your friend what the matter is."

"Okay."

Leni felt woozy watching that. As Mrs. Lane went back to the board, she turned to Billy. His face was as blank as a fresh piece of paper, eyes devoid of passion and a pair of stone lips sealed with glue. She knew better than to make assumptions based purely on appearances, but she genuinely wondered if her classmate had anything to say at that moment. Did Billy care that he "didn't know any better"?

"Leni?"

She halted her thoughts as that voice hauled her back to this small, isolated room.

"Is there anything you would like to add?" Mrs. Lane asked, using her hands to gesture to the board.

All she saw was a white slate filled with colorful lines and twirls, no order or reason to any of them. It became apparent that Leni had no chance in the world in decoding this abstract drawing before her. And when she didn't know anything, she just sat there blankly before the colorful masterpiece.

"Do you know any other expressions we use to show how we feel?" Mrs. Lane asked.

Just like that, it all came together. They were still in that activity, the same one they had been in for the past fifteen minutes, the one where she had been contributing. Suddenly, those scribbles coalesced to form words and numbers. All it took was Mrs. Lane's guiding hand to bring about this fundamental epiphany.

Now the challenge fell on her to conceive a new answer, something that would really show off her astuteness. Time had already been lost from that unnecessary daze and it was running out quickly. Lori never thought slowly, so why should she? She pushed even harder, remembering times when she saw unusual expressions. But they were either too fuzzy to accurately describe or she couldn't piece together what they conveyed. It felt bitter not knowing the answer, as if she were letting herself (and everyone else) down.

"I don't know," Leni said reluctantly, sliding her arms under the table.

"That's okay," Mrs. Lane said, smiling, "we put together a great list! I hope this can help you all when you talking to your classmates and family members," she then started erasing the board as she continued speaking, "that's all I have for you today. Keep up the great work and I will see you all tomorrow."

Leni remained in her seat as the two boys collected their things and shifted out of the room, none of them talking to the other. While she waited, she found solace in staring at the table. The wooden surface had an interesting swirl of beige and brown, the two colors coexisting into a palatable blend. It looked like a delicious smoothie.

"Hi Leni," Mrs. Lane said, causing the girl to snap to attention. Sure enough, the teacher was sitting right across from her. Even with that grin and pair of vivid eyes, Leni couldn't help but squirm in her seat. She couldn't believe was about to do this, "what did you want to talk about?"

Here it was. There was no turning back now. Her mind was firing sparks left and right, front and back, telling her to dive in and cower away simultaneously. Leni wasn't sure which side was gonna win, however she knew that it had to be now. She had a dream about this very case and she was not willing to relive it again. Get it over with and move on.

She supposed it was the face. This was Mrs. Lane, the one that was always so patient and happy. It was clear that she loved her job and wanted to keep it up forever. How was it gonna change once she opened her mouth? Would things start getting awkward between them?

 _"Get it over with!"_

Leni swallowed, making sure her mouth was devoid of drool before speaking.

"I wanted to, um," she said, although the words were quickly failing her. All that thinking about phrasing and mouth movement clogged the motors, making every other syllable a stutter, "know h-how to, like, m-move on from this place."

She instantly thought of a thousand better ways that could've been delivered. Different words, different paces, more confidence, more fluidness. Leni peered down into her seat as she processed through those dreaded alternate scenarios.

"Do you think you no longer need speech therapy?" Mrs. Lane asked calmly. Even with that gentle assurance that the teacher was fine, Leni was still afraid to look her in the eye. She was already embarrassed and didn't want the turmoil happening in her body worse.

"Maybe..." she answered tentatively. She cupped her hands from under the table as she tried figuring out how to save this sinking rhetorical ship, "what do you, like, think?"

"You have been making great progress. Not only are you speaking up more, but you have even gone out of your way to making friends outside this room. I am very proud of you."

Leni looked up and sure enough, Mrs. Lane still had that tranquil, hopeful face that she was known for. How was it that a confession like that couldn't annoy her, make her lose all respect for her. Mrs. Lane really did have a lot of patience, especially for someone like her.

"So when could I, like, stop coming here?" Leni asked, courageous enough to look her teacher in the eye. The same couldn't be said for her hands, which remained sheltered below.

"At the end of eighth grade, you will be tested on your critical thinking and social skills. If you do well, then your IEP will be phased out because you would no longer need it."

The girl inched back in her seat. She couldn't believe what she was hearing in the midst of those gentle, understanding words. Although, there was some question to how understanding Mrs. Lane really was. There was yet another temptation, a push for her to learn more.

"But what if I, like, wanted to take the test now?" Leni asked.

It was an impulse, much like what got her to this point in the talk. She debated whether Lori moved from line to line with the same spontaneity. Her big sister was always so relaxed when she talked, yet her words still made sense. It felt like a paradox that was nearly impossible to reconcile.

"I'm sorry, but the choice isn't mine to make. It's done by the school," Mrs. Lane explained, her smile reverted to a default professional. Just like that, Leni completely leaned back in her chair, using its head to keep her body up, "Your parents would also know a great deal on this subject. You can talk to them about it."

"Okay."

Not wanting to further the discomfort, Leni grabbed her bag and got up. She didn't want to face Mrs. Lane, worrying that such eye contact would have stung. Besides, the teacher had already heard enough of those things she called opinions.

"Enjoy the rest of your day," she heard Mrs. Lane say.

"Thanks."

The walk to her next class was a refresher. Luckily, the aching receded the more she thought about the interaction. She knew she did what she wanted to do, not letting her anxiety consume her. Now that she put it in perspective, Mrs. Lane wasn't all that bad. She didn't sound like she was hurt or anything negative.

 _"Yeah,"_ she told herself. Leni figured that the talk went that well because maybe, even in the fog of doubt, Mrs. Lane actually was honest when she spoke (that she really cared and treated her and the others like people). If she didn't, she would have sounded annoyed and furrowed her brows and tensed her cheeks. Leni didn't want to imagine such a face on someone as sweet as Mrs. Lane, so she mostly focused on the relief.

The last class of the day was her focus now. That was what lied before her, so there was clearly no reason to dwell on the past. It was math which, while not the most fun time, was worth it. Besides, the real hurdle of this day had already been surmounted so there was no way math could have been hard. Right?

She entered the room and casually took her usual seat. Sure she was a little early, however some of her classmates were already there. They were quick, she figured. Leni couldn't remember a time where she was the first one to arrive, even though she almost always went straight to class without interactions or disturbances.

What did those people think of her? Did they ever wonder where she came from the same way she did for them? Leni knew that one of them came from gym, a group of boys were fresh out of history, and another one had English. All she could think of was them asking where Leni Loud came from. What great discoveries did she learn, friends she bonded with, and work she accomplished?

Leni shivered at the prospect of them finding out. Until recently, her days with Mrs. Lane were normal, a nice relief from the hectic pandemonium junior high brought. Now it was a mark of shame, a brand that others would ridicule.

 _"You have to learn how to make friends?!"_

 _"I would hate to be in your shoes."_

 _"Your sister must be so ashamed."_

 _"How can you live with yourself?!"_

That's what they were all thinking, even if their glazed eyes and tired faces didn't say it. Besides, the end of the day left them with little patience for someone like her. Looking around, it was the usual sight. Each of those students were spread out to various corners, leaving her lonely in the middle. Was that really an accident? Leni was quick to conclude that it was her own fault; that her "stigma" was deliberately driving others away. Even as more filed in, they focused on filling in the perimeter before centering in.

She didn't blame them. They were all perfect. If they weren't, then they would have been in her shoes. No one was slow enough, dumb enough, or unlikeable enough to descend to her level (at least Jake and Billy had charm).

Leni took a deep breath.

 _"Just calm down. You're doing gre-"_

 _"No you're not!"_

 _"Mrs. Lane wouldn't lie to you. Keep up the work and you-"_

 _"Land in a big dump called nowhere!"_

She kept breathing, hoping to keep attention away from herself. It was bad enough that others had to tolerate her when she's normal, but the possibility of them stopping to acknowledge her was unbearable. Leni wanted to smile, be another happy face that others can pass through without being pinched of an obligatory amount of pity. Sometimes, though, it was hard to even look normal in times like these. While it wasn't every day, these feelings flared intensely when she stopped to think about how others viewed her. Maybe once class started, that would be a distraction.

"Good afternoon," Mr. Braxton said as he shuffled some papers, "I have your quizzes from last week."

Her head became stuffed with her teacher's words and the images of her writing forgotten figures on that sheet. Leni couldn't believe that she forgot that announcement from yesterday. Funny how the mind could have filled itself with one issue while pushing even basic skills to the wayside.

Leni's eyes were glued to Mr. Braxton as he shuffled up and down the aisles returning papers. She regretted picking today to think so much about speech therapy, how she made Mrs. Lane feel bad just for doing her job (poor thing). She didn't need this. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go to sleep and forget about all this.

When the teacher finally slipped her quiz on her desk, Leni averted her eyes. She stared at the side wall, her vision penetrating a sea of unsuspecting classmates. If she never saw the grade, then it could never hurt her. Or so the thinking went. As the seconds of evasion wore on, her chest became hollowed out by curiosity's fire. Even as Leni reluctantly accepted the fact that she needed to know, the paper itself was like a ray of blinding sunlight.

Eventually, she told herself it was time to rip off the band aid. The class was gonna start soon and she wanted to have some time to accept reality, to cool off from whatever it was. Maybe it was a surprise. Maybe she finally figured out how to solve "proportions". With bated breath, she lunged her head to the desk's center.

It was a C minus.

So much for surprises. Leni supposed she was lucky that she wasn't failing (or even getting D's). But this constant, this persisting letter continued to bug her. Slapping the paper against her chest, her head became a swivel, desperately looking around to the neighboring students. She made out some of their grades. The only ones she could see were either A's or B's. It was amazing that people even talked about surprises, which were absent from this room.

Perhaps it was just that one class where things were stuck in a vacuum, where no matter what is taught and no matter how hard she tried, Leni (and the others) always ended up with the same result. But she knew she wasn't all that spectacular in her other classes either (the last grade she got in English was a B minus). The status quo always found a way to combat any threats to it, swatting away stupid ambitions in favor of homeostasis. This bitter notion soured in Leni's mouth as she slouched in her seat.

Maybe some things aren't meant to change.

* * *

 _"Do you like Princess Pony?"_ Leni wrote on her phone.

She stared at that sentence, judging whether it was the right way to phrase it. She knew it was only a matter of time before she dropped the question and even if it was through text, it was still nerve-wracking.

She couldn't think of a better way to put it. There was always the indirect path, such as "Hey, loving that phone case!" or "What shows do you like?", however this would have to do. Besides, the less texts she sent to reach the answer, the better. Besides, she saw this as a good thing in any case.

Before she could doubt herself again, Leni tapped the 'Send' button.

She exhaled as she placed down her phone. The bed felt extra lumpy that afternoon, just the way she liked it. Lori, meanwhile, was in the middle of her own texting session. Peering over, her older sister was typing away, almost as if she were writing responses to messages she still hadn't finished reading. It was remarkable how she effortlessly fired off message after message. Meanwhile, Leni was left waiting for Helen to get back to her.

Buzz. Perhaps she had thought that too soon. Leni peeped up at her phone to see the simple response.

 _"Yes."_

It was true then. That phone case was more than just for show. And, more importantly, it was precisely what she thought it was. Now that there was a shared interest, Leni knew what she needed to do next. She glanced at Lori, making sure she was still glued to her own phone before writing her response to Helen.

 _"Reely! Cuz I like that show 2. Rosy Cake is totes my fav!"_

As she sent off that next message, Leni allowed herself to absorb the bed's comfy fibers. She relished at the door that had now been open. There were so many things to discuss, from ranking the episodes to her theory about alicorns.

At this point, Leni understood that she had to keep Lori on her side of the room; the worst-case scenario is that she snooped on this exciting conversation. If Lori found out she watched that "dumb kids show", she would never hear the end of it. While she hadn't asked Lori directly about it, she had witnessed her big sister reacting to it from other sources. Whenever she came across it on a channel surf, she instantly zoomed past it with a nasty scoff. There were also times when Lori came across fans of the show on the Internet and mocked them, often in front of her. Leni didn't need a lecture to recognize that talking pony was a non-starter for Lori.

Besides, Lori didn't bombard her with every detai regarding her own friends. So clearly, there was little reason to be entirely transparent to the whole world. Helen was the center of the universe when Leni got into a conversation with her.

 _"She is also my favorite character. I'm sorry I didn't show this earlier, but I have a phone case with her face on it. I'm sorry,"_ Helen wrote.

Sorry? Helen had absolutely no reason to apologize for anything. Act now.

 _"Pleez dont b sorry its ok :)"_

Hopefully that did the trick. She didn't want a sad friend on her watch (phone). The face at the end was something she picked up from Lor's texting. Her big sister loved using it, so why not include it in her talks? In any case, it looked really cute.

 _"Okay."_

Perfect. Now that things were back to normal, it was time to get cracking. But where to start? With a topic as large as _Princess Pony_ , almost any avenue carried both the excitement of its content and the emptiness carved from the paths not taken. Of course, inaction was inexcusable and the longer she contemplated, the faster opportunity was slipping away.

 _"Have u seen all the epasewds"_ she typed sporadically.

 _"Yes."_

 _"Which 1 is your fav"_

 _"Lonely Fiesta is my favorite."_

That was surprisingly easy. It was as if both of them were getting more comfortable with each correspondence, resulting in faster replies. Leni and Helen were practically standing in the same room, talking in real time. She figured it was only working up to the point where they could hang out and start up an intense discussion. After all, that's what friends did with each other (she believed).

 _"I like that 1 2. Rosy Cake is the main carecktur and shes gr8! We learn so much about her its crazee"_ Leni wrote.

Maybe not the best way to put that. Compared to the others, "Lonely Fiesta" was a serious episode where Rosy Cake threw a party and no one came. Much of it was silent, slow, and serious.

Leni still remembered seeing that episode for the first time, particularly how much her relationship with that character changed after the viewing. Rosy Cake's eyes had this sorrow that persisted through much of the plot, as if there was a tiny voice in there begging her to ask if everything was alright. They were clearly anything but. Now that she thought about it, "crazee" was too vibrant, too enthused of a word to accurately describe her stance.

Buzz.

 _"I liked how we started learning more about her character. I felt so bad to learn that she takes loneliness very seriously. It also made me think about what she did in other episodes."_

Other episodes? Leni very well understood Rosy's motivation in "Lonely Fiesta", however this hypothesis captured her curiosity.

 _"Wanna name an,"_ she then stared at Helen's text, _"episode where u think that"_ Leni wrote, firing off the message.

Time was racing by with each sent message; Leni was surprised that twenty minutes had elapsed since she dropped the important question. However, no response came in the first minute. Or the second. Or the fifth.

As more time went on, Leni felt her heart tugging, stretching itself without regards to physical limits. She couldn't help but wonder if she was too critical, that her friend was hurt by that one comment. While it seemed like an innocent question in her eyes, her judgement didn't matter anymore. There could have been a rule violation buried within those soft letters that hasn't presented itself yet. And this was the price to pay. The cold shoulder.

Buzz.

Leni silently dropped her jaw as she picked up the phone. Sure enough, it was from Helen.

 _"There was one episode where they have a party. At the end of the party, Rosy asks Twily if she wants to stay behind. Since Twily was the last one there, Rosy wanted her to stay. She even says there's some cake left. Now that scene seems a little sad."_

She sighed as she read it. That was it. It just took her a little time to compose this longer message. Helen wasn't sad or angry after all. She was her friend and Leni couldn't think of a reason why a friend would be mean to others like that. Leni told herself she just needed to relax and enjoy this lovely day.

 _"It is. Mayb now Twily will b nicer to Rosy. Rosy needs 2 no that her friends will b there 4 her cuz thats what friends do"_

As she hit 'Send', Leni recalled watching the for "Lonely Fiesta",where Rosy finally admitted her fears and hugged it out wit her friend Twily. It was sad, but happy too. Now that she had some distance from the viewing experience, Leni began thinking that perhaps there was another reason why that one episode was her favorite. Something about the way Rosy acted throughout it resonated with her. Of course, she wasn't about to discuss that with Helen. How would her friend understand if she herself couldn't, Leni figured.

But enough of that talk. Today was a happy day and Leni didn't want to ruin it for anyone (even herself).

 _"Yeah. And Rosy is such a great friend to everyone else, so she deserves to others support her,"_ Helen wrote.

Leni read that and nodded her head. There was a reason Rosy Cake was her favorite character. That pink pony, aside from being a fun ball of energy, was a total sweetheart. She always cheered up her friends when they were sad, threw parties that encouraged everyone to bond, and made whichever friend she was hanging out with feel like everything. There was a special magic emanating from Rosy, a charisma Leni wished to adopt in her own life.

Helen was a good start. Here was her first real friend, someone that connected with her. The first step was to make her feel special. That's what talking was for.

Before she could reply to her message, though, Helen sent a second message.

 _"I like her."_

Now was the perfect chance to send a followup message. Leni browsed her mind for things she could say, something to move the conversation forward. Luckily, an answer came much quicker than usual. A saving grace.

 _"Me 2. Rosy is so gr8 I wish more peepel liked her"_

 _"I know! All I see online is people gushing about Stuttersneeze and Flying Colors. They're okay but their fans flood every site. And don't even get me started on the shippers!"_

There she was, a person jumping to life. Leni smiled at that text. Helen was starting to become more comfortable with herself, sharing her feelings and treating them like they matter. Leni didn't know what else to ask for, aside from translating these thoughts into a face-to-face conversation (but maybe that would take some more time).

 _"Have u been on fanlore? Half the pony fics are StutterColors kissing and..."loving" if u no what I mean"_ Leni typed.

At this point, it was a cycle. Helen's confidence was making her more confident and vice versa. Leni never felt so free tapping those letters and firing it off so quickly. In that moment, she felt like Lori with her razor sharp mind and robotic-like fingers. It was refreshing to exhibit control in a situation like this. And additionally, she was learning more about Helen.

 _"Ugh. There's no evidence that they love each other like that! The show clearly says that those two are good friends, not lovers! Isn't friendship good enough?"_

 _"Yeah!"_

But even as she sent that out, Leni knew that she wasn't immune to the matchmaker game. To this day, she remained an ardent GarryxPercy shipper for _Real Times Under the Sun_ , especially with the hugging and teasing that more recent episodes have provided. But she had her limits. Leni understood when friends were just friends. Flying Colors and Stuttersneeze acted more like friends than dates and she wasn't about to twist that lovely relationship just to please some crazy fans. Those two had such clashing personalities that neither of them would have been able to fulfill the needs of romance. Besides, she thought that Rosy and Tuna Burger were a cuter, more viable couple. They were both fun-loving ponies that wanted to make others happy. That was where her ship lied.

 _"I'm glad there's someone that agrees with me here. Some of the people I've come across have been rude when I tried to share my opinion."_

Rude? To someone like Helen? Leni couldn't bear the thought of her friend being subjected to such fiery passions. She must have been very strong to put up with all those harsh words. Stronger than anyone should have to.

 _"That's what friends r 4,"_ Leni wrote.

As she watched that message get projected on the screen, Leni thought more about those other people. Was Helen okay? Did she need some reassurance? Looking at her message, she realized she forgot to include that question. Her fingers scrambled to cobble together some words, ones that sought to determine how her friend was feeling. For all she knew, Helen could have been remembering whatever it was she dealt with and still been in pain.

Buzz.

Right in the middle of the sentence.

 _"Thanks. I'm glad I have a friend like you :)"_

That smiley face. Helen got to the point where she was using it. All because of her, Leni Loud. Leni didn't even think of making her friend feel that way, but there it was for her to see.

And it was then that she realized that expression wasn't just a set of characters on a phone, but a shape she was making on her own face.


	33. Best Friend

Sewing was a good excuse to talk to herself. No doubt that Leni enjoyed the process, the materials involved, and the products she could make. However the long relaxing stream of sliding fabric across the bow, the rhymtic beats of the presser foot, the humming coming from the inside was meditative, creating an environment where reflection was nature and welcomed.

Leni had been doing a lot of that lately, more so than usual. Her free time lately was dominated almost exclusively by making clothes and using her phone. She wasn't mad at any of her family members (far from it). But there were so many clothes she had to get to, whether it was for learning a new skill or experimenting with a new piece of fabric. And then of course there were the ones strictly out of obligation. This shirt she was making was for the next clothes sale being held by the Fashion Club. Given how successful the fall one had been, Leni wanted to raise the bar. That meant more clothes, more sewing, more time.

After all, this was going to an important cause, she reckoned. Those kids at Bartholomew's Helpers "needed" that money so that they could grow up to be better than her. She tightened her lips as she remembered Derek with his speaking tablet. If only she could help him. If only all those kids got the help they needed. They would be beautiful roses, blossoming with their wonderful set of talents, insights, and feelings. Others (like Carol) would have stopped feeling sorry because they couldn't talk or couldn't smile when they saw something they liked. They deserve that chance.

She then imagined her parents' faces. Mom was smiling, watching all of these bright students opening up and becoming appreciated. Dad was awestruck at the stories they were telling, the towers they were building, the paintings they were crafting, the changes they were making. The search for the source was short and definitive. It was their daughter that opened the floodgates to prosperity. Leni stood there, trying to count the number of lives she had saved.

 _"You forgot one,"_ she heard her Mom say as she pointed towards her.

That was gonna be the moment when everything was proven, where her parents finally realized that their sacrifices and agony had meaning. This atonement needed to happen. It was what kept the sewing machine running and the stitches aligned.

Buzz.

In the corner of her eye, she made out her phone flashing. This only meant one thing. Halting the machine, Leni snatched it and saw a new message from Helen. She didn't recall sending one to her first. Her friend was becoming more assertive.

 _"Hi Leni. Since we have been friends for a few months now, my parents think it was about time they met you. They are very nice and are happy for the both of us. Would you like to come over my house sometime to meet them?"_

Leni's eyes widened. Her tummy churned and her head lightened as she read through the message again.

She knew she had invited Helen over before and it went over well. But now that the roles were reversed, Leni wanted to think that it wasn't any different. It was, though. There was the discomfort that came with asking Mom and Dad, the isolation from everything she was connected to, propelling herself into an unknown abyss. Now, all of her siblings were fearless warriors, indifferent to habitually exploring beyond the safety of the House and school, away from her parents and teachers. This was the real world.

Leni was naked, unprepared to face the uphill battle that awaited her. She ruled out saying no, fearing it would crush poor Helen's spirit. However, Leni was troubled to spout "yes" right off the bat. Would her parents have allowed her to visit her friend? Were her siblings gonna press for all the details? As if her nerves weren't enough, these taunting questions amplified her reservations.

When Leni was nervous, she figured the best way to relax was to return to her precious machine. After all, that shirt wasn't gonna finish itself. A bit of purple fabric was enough to consume her attention, filling her eyes and mind with the clean slab of that same shade. There were no blemishes or stains to be found, making it ripe material.

As her foot pressed down on the pedal and the engine revved up, Leni got on the routine. This wonderful shirt was gonna end up in the closet of a very lucky boy. Perhaps he didn't have any purple in his wardrobe, making this new addition all the more important. He was gonna wear it to school and everyone was gonna gush on how it made that chocolate brown hair blend into a tapestry of eye candy. Sure someone was likely to drool all over their own clothes as they stared intensely at the colorful display, but that was alright! Because Leni was gonna make a nice yellow dress next for that girl to wear instead. And then she was gonna look really pretty. Then the other girls were gonna wonder where she got that dress from. They'll ask and she'll say "I, like, got it from the Fashion Club fundraiser". And then they were gonna buy a drop-dead blue blouse to compliment their brown slacks. Soon enough, there would have more people than fingers on her body that were gonna be better off all because of Leni. It was gloating, yes, however it was the cause that mattered more.

Buzz.

Two minutes flew fast, apparently. Leni was glad that her phone was designed to give her reminders of unaddressed texts; she would have gone the whole afternoon while leaving Helen on alert, waiting with the cruel hope that a response was on the way. Well that hope was gonna turn into a reality. But she was gonna need some help first.

Leni got up, grabbing her phone, and went out into the hallway. The first thing she saw was a door fly open. Lana darted out gripping a Barbie doll with a devilish grimace on her face. As the toddler rushed down the steps, Lola quickly caught her tail. The younger twin was screaming, begging her sister to return her prized doll. Leni recalled the day Lori gave up that silly piece of plastic to Lola. Since then, Lola has come to love Barbie way more than Lori ever did.

Once the space was clear, Leni descended the steps at her own leisurely pace. No need to rush down to grab something that was taken away. Leni thought more of the situation before her. For all she knew, Helen's parents could have been hyper critical, taking full advantage of the fact that they aren't obligated to love her. They would call her all sorts of things, like a loser or a jerk. They probably had the courage to do it. Now they just had to see the horror for themselves.

Lori was on the couch watching TV. With her phone resting on her lap, though, it was unclear how invested she was in the programming. It was the best time to ask. With a social life as active as her's, any silent moment for Lori was open season.

"Hey, Lori," Leni said, holding out her phone.

"Hey," she replied, her uninterested eyes lying before the screen.

As she got closer to the couch, Leni turned to see what was playing. Judging by the vibrant green lanes of grass intersliced with massive yellow divets, she concluded it was golf. A Lori thing, something only she did.

"So, like, my friend asked me to, like, come over her house some time," Leni said pensively, her hands tightening their grip on the device. Lori, though, only saw a grown woman gracefully swing her club.

"Okay," Lori said, "what's the big deal?"

That was Lori. This was all just another typical case for her, as if someone were asking her to teach them how to breathe or chew food. Such should have been expected.

"I don't know what to say," Leni said.

"Well are you busy on the day she asked you?"

Uncertain of her memory, Leni opened up her inbox and read the message again. Looking through the gentle tone and proper grammar, the offer was open-ended. No wonder Helen was so nice.

"No..." Leni said as her mind started poking holes in her entire temperament. All she could hope for at this point was that Lori didn't notice her hesitate.

"So if there's nothing stopping you, why don't you just say yes?" Lori asked. Even though she was still watching the match, she occasionally darted her vision to her little sister.

Leni, though, wished it was an easy answer to give. The feeling she had about this situation didn't lend itself well to words. Even analyzing the sensation required some serious effort. It was fear? Pain? Discomfort? What would have been the best way to craft this statement was the question before her. It didn't help that Lori wasn't looking straight on at her face; maybe it was already doing the work for her.

It appeared like words were gonna be required. Lori wasn't gonna jump to conclusions based on half-observed faces. With a few more seconds, Leni cobbled together what she thought might have conveyed her point.

"Like, I dunno if Mom and Dad will, like, like that. They don't wanna worry about me being over someone's house? And, like, I'm scared and...stuff," Leni said, her eyes preferring to gaze at an imaginary point in the wall. It was comforting to have that nonjudgmental beige calming her. It was like talking to herself, even.

Suddenly, her ears felt a sharp cut. Breaking away from the wall, Leni notices her big sister holding the remote. The TV was still playing, but no sound was coming from the speakers. Finally, Lori had her full attention.

"First of all, Mom and Dad let us go over people's houses all the time. Even Lincoln is allowed to visit his friends right after school. And he's in first grade! I don't think they'll say no to you," Lori said, her face full of conviction.

"But...they won't be mad? They won't be waiting at the door, not doing the stuff they're supposed to because, like, they need to watch me?" Leni replied, no more assertive. Her voice was uncertain and shaky. She gripped her phone even tighter, nudging it closer to her chest.

Lori's face lightened, especially around her cheeks. She made out some sounds that resembled chuckles. All Leni could do was speculate what she had done to her sister due to her drastic act of opening her mouth.

"What are you talking about?" Lori said, her voice noticeably more lifted, "Mom and Dad don't just stand at the door for hours on end. They have enough confidence in us to know that we're be in safe hands and that we'll make the right decisions. You don't have to worry about that!"

 _"For_ you _at least_ _"_ Leni thought as she gazed down at her phone again. She impulsively tapped the circular button along the bottom to check the time. Only three minutes had passed since she was last notified of the unaddressed text. All she could contemplate was what sweet Helen was thinking, waiting anxiously for a response.

"Okay," Leni said. Perhaps that was enough cover for the moment.

"Second of all, you're not alone. Helen looked very nervous when she was over the House some time back," Lori said, recalling the sight she saw from her own bed. The one Leni didn't catch due to the allure of her sewing machine. "Obviously, it's not because she's scared of you. But take a st- I mean, think about what Helen must have felt when you invited her over here. She might have been having the same feelings you're having now, but she ended up coming here anyway and you were so happy," Indeed, Leni was smiling as she was sewing away that day, "and I have the slightest hunch that she would also be happy if you took her up on that offer," she then took a risk by kicking up her legs, revealing her blue slippers, "put yourself in Helen's shoes."

Leni stared down at her sandals and waddled her toes. She immediately thought of those sneakers she recognized on Helen's feet (or at least, she assumed they were sneakers).

"Helen doesn't wear these," Leni responded, pointing to her sandals.

 _"I walked right into that one,"_ Lori told herself. However, Leni was staring at her intensely. It was clear that nothing was working. What would it have taken to get this girl on her way? Was there something Leni wasn't telling her? Either way, she wasn't too willing to figure it out. She wasn't about to have a twenty minute lecture about what she thought was best. It was pretty obvious.

"Look, just tell her yes," Lori said, sighing, "once you got a date in place, you'll be fine."

Lori grabbed the remote and unmuted the speakers. As the room filled with garbled commentary, Leni struggled to figure out what to say next. However, Lori's gaze at the moving screen told her it was probably best to leave.

Walking to the dining room, Leni tried to extrapolate something from whatever Lori said. Her big sister's words were overwhelming, too much information to have really learned something. She didn't notice Helen feeling scared from that day; whenever she asked her friend a question, she got an answer. Besides, wouldn't Helen have said something if she wasn't alright?

Over by the table, she saw Luna writing on a worksheet. Leni found it odd that her little sister decided to do her homework down here, out in the open when anyone could just dawdle in.

"Hi Luna," Leni said. Immediately, the girl gazed up.

"Hey Leni," she answered softly. The first thing she noticed was the phone in her hand, "what ya doing?"

Leni shrugged.

"I dunno. I'm just trying to figure out if I should go over someone's house. What do you think?" Leni asked innocently.

She could have sworn she saw _something_ in her eyes change. Leni recalled the countless lunches they had in elementary school, in those times where things weren't as complicated. After all this time in junior high, though, Leni regretted that she hadn't given her younger sister more mind. They were in different schools and Luna wasn't gonna be entering seventh grade until the fall. How have things been over there? Had Luan or Lynn or Linky picked up where she left off? Those were questions she felt needed to be asked at some point. Today seemed cramped, though.

"Go for it!" Luna exclaimed, although she wasn't smiling. And those eyes.

There had to have been an answer just from that, however Leni only made out the general shape. Within there was some more depth, details that told an unimaginable story. So much for being a big protective sister. Leni wished she would just grow up and take action, to be an investigator in the face of injustice.

On the other hand, now wasn't the best time. The girl was busy with her homework and an impromptu probe would have taken precious time away. Even if a talk only took a few minutes, who knew what effect it would have had on her. Luna could fall into one of those silly funks that consumed an entire afternoon (and a chance to finish her assignment). It wasn't worth the potential plan. She didn't want to transfer.

"Thanks," Leni said before walking off. All she could do was speculate what the damage was gonna be.

She then took out her phone and examined Helen's message again.

 _"Ok. Fryday?"_

* * *

Leni had her head transfixed at the line of houses she and Lori passed on the walk. The colors were pretty and blended well with each other. It was like each of the homes were in their own outfits, showing off to the word how stylish it was.

Of course the main objective was scanning the numbers. Leni had told Lori the address in sight, however it was the older sister that was following behind. While she normally would take the lead in this, it appeared Leni was more observant in this case. Besides, it was a good experience for Leni to find things on her own.

Ultimately, the address wasn't very hard to find. Once there, the two girls stopped and gazed at the abode. It was smaller than their own House, with a small circular window serving as the only indicator of a second story. The front yard was the same size, which only made the building appear tinier. In the driveway there was a single car parked. It was maroon and was clearly a newer model than the endearing hunk of junk known as Vanzilla.

Leni checked the message again to verify that this was the right stop. She checked again and again, her head jerking back and forth between the number printed on the front and the one written on her phone. All Lori could do was watch as Leni stood there in inaction.

"Aren't you gonna go?" Lori asked, annoyed by the wasted seconds.

Leni turned to her big sister, as if she were awaiting an answer. Lori always had answers on tap. The two stared at each other for some time, the older growing annoyed while the younger growing tense. It took a little bit for Lori to pick up on what was going on.

"Leni," she said calmly, "you just have to go up there and ring that bell. Once you do that, you won't be so scared. Trust me."

Was that it? Was the fear really just gonna fizzle away like a grain of salt in water? The younger sister had her reservations, only now they were even harder to explain. But feelings didn't always have the clearest reasons attached to them.

Regardless, Leni knew that this feeling wasn't going away anytime soon (neither was Lori). The sour sensation in her gullet was gonna sit there until something happened. And if Helen was left waiting, it probably would have become even more toxic. There wasn't much a choice left over.

Finding the energy in her legs, Leni pushed forward. As she approached that door, she felt like an alien that just arrived on a new planet, completely out of place. Occasionally, she turned back and saw Lori standing on sidewalk watching her (probably judging her as well). There was everything (what little there was) to lose from turning back at this crucial moment. Any shred of respect Lori had for her, any inkling of joy Helen got from her presence, and any iota of pride she had just from getting to this point would have been set ablaze if she turned back now. She supposed the only benefit was that there was no screaming or sweating, things that would have alerted even the most distant observer of her anxiety.

She had been making tangible process, getting across the walkway and up the steps. Now, the only obstacle remaining was the doorbell. There was little sound emanating from behind the white wooden door. It must have been peaceful over there or someone must have been super busy with a super important project. Leni debated whether it was worth it to interrupt this quiet equilibrium, one where work too grand and intricate for her simple mind to comprehend. She didn't want to bother anyone.

Then again, it was that silly voice speaking up. Was it really gonna get in the way of her friendship? Leni had done everything the voice said she couldn't and here it was trying to big her down once again. Well, not today. Leni gulped in a ton of fresh air before pressing the doorbell.

As the harmonious tone rang through the house, Leni heard some rustling underneath the sound. It only took several seconds for the door to swing open. She was greeted by a skinny yet domineering woman. Her black curly hair was all over the place, strands tangled in her ears, tucked between her T-shirt and zip-up jacket, and reminded Leni too much of Rosy Cake. But most of all, the woman carried a nice smirk on her face. It was oddly comforting.

"Are you Helen's friend?" she asked.

Leni turned around. Sure enough, Lori was still standing there. It was like a beam of moral support, the one she never thought she would need. Turning back around, Leni tried to find something that wouldn't be so distracting. Without much to work with, she thought the woman's left ear would do.

"Are you a lost kid? Do your parents know where you are?"

 _"A...B...C, D,"_ Leni told herself, her eyes transfixed on that ear. As she recited each letter by rote, she found that smoldering bulge in her throat soften. It was like drinking a glass of cold, refreshing water after downing a peanut butter sandwich. Her eyes relaxed and she found herself at peace. Was it that simple?

"Are you okay, sweetie?" the woman asked, concerned.

"Yes," Leni said confidently. Upon reaching J, she found it in her to smile, "I'm Helen's friend."

It was magic. The woman jumped to life and that grin exploded into a shiny, toothy display.

"Well you should've spoken up, dear," she exclaimed.

Before Leni could have done anything, she felt her hand being yanked by a mighty grip. Her whole body stumbled as it was dragged into the house by this powerful person.

"You have no idea how happy we are to finally meet you! Helen has said some wonderful things about her new friend and now," she then halted and turned around, "here you are!"

It was only then that Leni was allowed a chance to absorb the surroundings. The inside was just as cozy and quaint as the outside. There was a small living room that connected to a kitchen in the back. Much of the space was dominated by a brick wall and emerald carpet. The one exception was a few patches of tile that marked the kitchen's territory. Aside from the typical equipment, the only defining feature of that space was the table, where a grown man was typing away at his laptop. Along the side was a narrow staircase leading upward.

"I'm Jane, Helen's mom," she said as she jerked her hand out, "and your's?"

Even with the mother's clear excitement, Leni still had some nerves running through her. Luckily, Jane's left ear was still in sight.

"Leni," she said.

"Well that's the same name Helen said!" Jane shot back, "Well then I'm glad to meet ya."

The two proceeded to the kitchen while Jane rambled about some of the sights before them. All the while, Leni was left with some simmering thoughts.

"Has Helen, like, told you about me?" Leni asked innocently.

"Are you kiddin'," she exclaimed as she planted her feet on the kitchen tile, "you're all she talks about with us! Every day she comes home and tells us what's new with that Leni. And she's so excited to, it's like you flipped a switch in her," she then eagerly leaned in and affectionately pointed at her, "she adores you."

Adore? Leni knew she liked Helen, but she didn't think herself as a great friend to her. It wasn't that Leni didn't try with Helen, quite the opposite. She just didn't think she had that great of an impact on her. Maybe it had to do with her expressions. Helen wasn't one to communicate how she felt. Leni didn't recall her smiling or laughing very much when she was in person. Was there more going on behind those eyes, things that weren't on the face cards?

Leni turned to the nearby table, where the man was still typing away. His eyes were glued to the monitor.

"And this right here is George," Jane said, "he may not be much of a talker, but he's just as excited as I am. Ain't that right, honey?"

"You bet," he said simply.

Just then, the door opened. Jane and Leni turned and saw Helen slip in.

"Hey sweetie! Your friend's here!" Jane shouted enthusiastically.

Even from opposite ends of the floor, the two girls locked their eyes at each other. Leni suddenly felt weird as she saw her friend for the second time that same day. She smiled instinctively as she walked towards Helen. As the two got closer to each, she could have sworn Helen's eyes twinkled and a smirk of her own appeared on her face. There was suddenly everything in the world to do, to discuss, and she didn't feel like there was anyone to stop her. Lori was right after all.

"How was your day?" Leni asked.

"Good," Helen replied through that smile.

"Aww!" they heard. Both of them jerked their heads to see Jane watching from the table. As if it wasn't corny enough, the woman had her hands pressed against her cheeks, "You two are so cute together!"

"Mom!" Helen whined. Leni never thought she would see the day where her friend spoke with any level of passion. She thought if anything, it was restricted to texting.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it," Jane said, still smiling. The visitor peered between the two, noticing Helen's flustered face and Jane's proud swagger, "you two don't have to stay down here. Why don't you take your friend up to your room?"

The two looked at each other silently. Wasn't the whole plan to do that from the start? Leni imagined herself hanging out Helen the same way Lori and Carol did. She had no idea how much of a personality Jane would be. If her own Mom were like that, she most likely would have gotten embarrassed herself. Thankfully, she was more laid back.

With a mutual understanding in place, the two headed off. Helen took the lead as she ascended the narrow staircase. Leni tensed up as she felt boxed in by the tight space. How was Helen able to come home to such cramped quarters? So much for being an only child and having a whole house to yourself.

The hallway was little better, probably only a few inches wider. Regardless, Helen strolled along comfortably before opening the second door on the right.

Helen's bedroom was a little larger than Lincoln's, however there was also a door that led to a separate closet. The ceiling was slanted, making up part of the roof's shape. The defining colors were white and pink, whether it was woven into the blankets, painted on a poster, or ingrained into the bookshelf. Scattered across the space were various memorabilia. Some of it jumped out as _Princess Pony_ while others were from other franchises, ones that Leni wasn't too familiar with. Another dominating feature was the compact TV nestled on a stand against the wall.

"Sorry about the mess. I forgot to clean up," Helen said, pointing to T-shirts, sweaters, white socks, and yoga pants strewn across the carpet. Yet even with the questionable fashion choices, Leni couldn't care less.

"That's okay. Your room looks pretty," she replied as she automatically moved her feet. Her eyes were drawn to multiple details, whether it was the Rosy Cake plushy or the Twily alarm clock. Helen remained in the doorway and allowed her friend to explore the premises, picking up on the various features. She didn't even notice her mouth was hanging open, "I wish I could have some of this stuff."

"Did you want to take them home?"

"What?" Leni cried, nearly stumbling forward. She turned to see Helen just standing there with her hands locked together. Her eyes were looking at her with such conviction that it was frightening, "I would never take your stuff! It's your's and you have the right to, like, have it."

Now she was nervous again. Her mind began to get to the bottom of this, why Helen would lie herself down like a doormat. The first thing she turned to was herself. No good friend would ever take advantage of someone like that. It was wrong and caused Helen more harm than good. And for what? A little fleeting bit of joy that masked a greater depletion. Leni hated being a parasite when she could help it. She wasn't gonna let this one get away.

"You know," Leni added, trying to find words to say, "maybe...for Christmas I could ask for one of these."

"Oh," was all Helen could say.

Deep down, Leni knew there was no way that could happen. She had already explained to Helen the whole _Princess Pony_ situation in her House, how she could never admit to liking what her siblings thought was mindless garbage. It was a tightly held secret, one gripped in her fist or tucked in her bag. There was no way a stuffed animal could have fit in so small a safe.

"So, like," Leni quipped, trying desperately to change the subject, "what are all these other things you have?"

Indeed, there was a lot of it. It ranged from other plushies to statuettes to small posters along the wall. Luckily, Helen entered her own room to explain her own possessions. The first one she went to was a poster filled with wacky cartoon characters.

"Well this is a show called _Mystery Woods_ ," Helen explained, pointing to the title popping in large letters, "it's about a family that goes on vacation traveling along the Canadian countryside. Every week, they stop at a new place, but all sorts of weird things happen," she then pointed to a girl with braces smiling away, "That's Ariel and she's my favorite character! She's just a big ball of energy and every week she always has a new headband on and it's always so cute! I even started making my own."

Helen swiftly slid to to one of her dressers and opened one of the drawers. She eagerly pulled out a pink fuzzy headband with stars attached to springs. Without a moment's hesitation, she placed it on her head like a tiara.

"Ta da!" she said, trying to smile as big as Ariel.

"Wow! You look great in that!" Leni said, mirroring that grin. It was remarkable that her friend also had an eye for making types of clothing, even if it was technically considered an "accessory". Outside of that, she genuinely found it adorable. It was just like that Rosy Cake phone case, only better (it was some she could see Rosy Cake wearing herself).

"Thanks," Helen said, eagerly, "you know, I think you would really like _Mystery_ _Woods_. How about I show you the first few episodes?"

"Okay."

Leni took a seat on the cushy carpet while Helen dug through her dresser for the remote. Luckily, it didn't take that long to track it down and rev up the screen.

"So is this show, like, scary?" Leni asked while she stared at the static.

"Is there anything you're scared of?" Helen asked as she sat down on her bed.

"Well," Leni said softly, "um..."

She debated whether she should make it known. What was so bad about fears? Everyone had them? She knew Lori had a big fear of heights, Linky had stage fright, and Luna had a passionate disdain for wasps. Still, her head heated up as she found the resolve to speak.

"I don't like spiders," Leni said pensively. She hugged herself as she kept speaking, "When I see one, I can't help but, like, scream. I don't like being scared and, like, even when it's just on TV or in a book, I still think it's real...I'm sorry."

Several seconds of silence (aside from the TV) persisted. Leni tried her best to not think about those creepy, crawly, eight-legged pests. She couldn't believe that she just admitted a negative feeling to her friend. Real friends don't get upset to other friends. Helen didn't have time for something like that. Nobody did.

A touch. Leni jolted as she felt a hand meet her right shoulder. She turned over and saw Helen sitting on her bed reaching out to her.

"It's okay," Helen said gently, "there are a few spiders here or there, but you won't be alone. If you wanna look away or hold my hand, that's okay."

She couldn't believe it. Even after forcing herself onto others, Leni still had a friend by her side, willing to listen. Was Helen bothered by this and just too ashamed to admit it? Did she wish she had a better friend and wanted any way out of this? If not already, Leni felt like today made Helen regret that decision to stay. Helen shouldn't be forced to deal with this.

"You don't, like, think it's dumb that I feel that way?" Leni asked timidly.

"Of course not. You're just like me and there's nothing wrong with that. I like you, Helen said.

Still uncertain, Leni turned to the screen where the theme song was playing. It was a disorienting instrumental track with unusual shots of the rural Canadian landscape. Mountains, trees, and rivers being filmed under a vintage filter.

As she saw the animation unfold, Leni thought more about the friendship. She liked Helen. Really liked how Helen was willing to stand by her side. Leni knew that she had a lot of work to do to make it up to her, especially after Helen made the noble act of choosing to like her. She owed it to her. She owed it to her family who appeared tired of putting up with her weaknesses. Perhaps this work could fulfill both those goals. Perhaps this was the key to finally having worth.

"Hey Helen," Leni said.

"Yeah?"

She briefly thought of whether to say it. Was this gonna bring about more suspicion, especially after that horrible display? Well, it was too late to turn back now.

"Thanks."


	34. It's Alright

It was one of those days. Leni couldn't tell when they came, so they caught her off guard.

April 23 was when it started. What was meant to be a joyous celebration of Lori's birthday descended into a dark depressing pit. She spent countless amounts of time sunk in her bed (the birthday girl had to cover for her). Leni thought that was the worst of it, that everything was gonna go back to normal. At first, that was what it seemed like.

But here she was in July, reliving this horrible feeling.

Lori was out with one of her friends and everyone else was simply going about their day, working through their fulfilling lives. And then there was herself, lying in bed staring at the ceiling, passively tolerating the mattress, thinking through each of her breaths.

There was so much she could be doing. Helen could enjoy some company, the fabric and thread wouldn't mind being fused into a lovely skirt, or some fan could be inspired by a new post on the _Princess Pony_ forum. But those were nothing more than distant fantasies, the "what ifs" that were condemned by the brunt of laziness. Leni was tired.

Why couldn't she do anything? Leni had some theories.

She turned to her nightstand, laying her eyes on its innocent wooden shape. It was a relief that Lori didn't raid it, even though she herself hadn't always reciprocated that courtesy. With no watching eyes in that moment, Leni shifted her body into a sitting position and slid open the drawer. She knew exactly what was in there, every detail memorized from years of continually placing the contents in the same location. After surgically removing the appropriate puzzle pieces, she pulled out a paper.

It was one of those days, indeed. Leni couldn't help but revisit this document when her mood was stalled in a murky abyss. Her eyes couldn't help but read each word, process each detail. Even after fourteen years, Leni's death certificate remained in tact, allowing the black letters to jab those who read them.

Leni before Leni. She didn't think about her second older sister all the time, however she never completely vanished. She always lurked somewhere in the tangled cobweb known as her mind. On times like that day, though, she broke through the soft strands and pulled herself into the forefront of Leni's focus.

There was no way Leni would have turned out the same way. She wouldn't have needed special services with basic life functions. She would have had as many friends as Lori, leaving her big sister with little need to resent her. She wouldn't have become obsessed with silly kids shows or poured her energy into a useless field like fashion. She would have spoken clearly and had perfect mobility. This Leni wouldn't have turned out such a disappointment, leaving the "what if" to the confines of a miserable mind. This Leni wouldn't have sat on her bed and talked to herself. This Leni would have taken life by the horns (even though she didn't have a bull).

A single great destiny was tarnished and sealed by a single solitary piece of paper. The ink letters were nails in the coffin, trapping its inspirational features to the dark box of oblivion. Now, she remained.

Ever since the day she found out, there were times where she questioned her own name. Maybe all of this was just a cruel coincidence, a telling sign of her parents' confusing sense of humor. Then again, those fourteen year old words didn't sound dated. The sorrow presented in those entries of the turquoise journal had been preserved like a prehistoric bug trapped in amber. Once that book was opened, all of that raw emotion flowed out, spreading its residue across her heart.

At this point, Leni had realized the truth. Connected to this whole tragedy and that substance behind her hollow reassurances was humiliation. Contempt. Leni concluded that all this time of her wading through life with a pair of hazy eyes had been destructive, chipping away at her parents' resolve day after day.

" _It's not your fault."_

 _"Then who's is it?"_ Leni asked herself, _"Not Mom and Dad. Never them!"_

Spreading the blame was a pointless exercise. A million excuses could have been flung at some well-intentioned innocent, but the truth always won out. Mom and Dad were generous enough to give her and (most of) her siblings life. The doctors did everything they could to save Leni. Maddy, Mrs. Boxer, and Mrs. Lane were all patient women that swallowed their grievances to do their jobs. Jake and Billy had enough to worry about. Her siblings were perfect in every way (even Lisa). And Helen? She was precious, an entire world by herself.

Besides, all of it was just trying to shift responsibility away from who really deserved. And the way Leni saw it, it belonged to the one that couldn't take the hint, the one who forced themselves onto others, couldn't leave a decent or credible impression on even the most accepting audience, and failed to even become renown in the one thing they spent time on.

Leni didn't like crying. She wasn't inclined to do it very much and when she did, she became guilty from all the attention it brought. Instead, her face was dead as it usually was. The one part of her that had physical pain were the eyes. They grew heavy when she felt like that, as if they were trying to fall and whisk her off to a different place. Maybe it was a dream where all her favorite things dominated, whether it was Rosy Cake or Helen or even Linky. All this silliness went away and was replaced by the wonder that used to thrive in her foggy childhood. An invisible mist would have been there to hide that voice, those critical forces, and the overbearing weight of responsibility.

But here she was dealing with the uphill battle that awaited her. She recognized now that the blissful ignorance was gone, replaced by a mind trapped in a thick bubble. People only made out the miscommunications, the stumbles, the mistakes they assumed she wouldn't notice. And because Leni "can't see them", they quietly grumble to themselves as they picked up the weight.

It was tiring. She wanted the suffering to end, for her to start doing her fair share. Leni was weary of being a worthless burden and she wanted to rise up.

She knew that was her mission. And the first person she was gonna relieve was Mrs. Lane. The teacher, sweet and gentle as she was, deserved better than to be condemned by putting up with her slow reaction and even slower learning. The only shame was that her test wasn't for a while.

 _"Then you have to knock it off even more, you big loser!"_

Nodding her head, Leni felt a little better. Perhaps now that she reminded herself of her duty once again, there was hope. There was a chance that someday, she would finally become something that wasn't just written off as a sad regret.

The door clicked. Her eyes snapped open. There was no way Lori could have already been home. She was so absent, she didn't even hear the front door open. Silly her. Well, there was very little time to act. Seeing the paper was still in her hand, she stuffed it in the drawer and slammed it shut. Hopefully, the bang was inaudible.

As she quickly turned to the door, she saw who it was emerging. It was Luan.

"Oh hey, Leni," she said, smiling. Luan then scanned the room, twisting her head back and forth, "Have you seen Lori anywhere?"

"No," Leni replied softly.

"Okey dokey," Luan said, "well if you see her around, tell her I need her to test out a new pun routine. It's g- _Lori_ -ous!"

Luan burst into laughter as she closed the door. Even through the walls, Leni could make out the comedianne continuing to chuckle at her own joke.

Leni sighed.

 _"This is gonna be a lot tougher than I thought."_

* * *

Eighth grade was promising. The tables, teachers, halls, and lockers were now familiar sights, elements that made up a comfortable background. Since that issue was now resolved, Leni found time to focus on the more important matters, Helen.

Lunch time had become her favorite period in the school day. There were no grades, none of the classmates carried menacing expectations, and nothing was confusing or difficult to understand. But most of all, Leni had her friend Helen to hang out with. It was a shame that none of them had any classes together, so every minute lost waiting in line for food or shuffling through faceless crowds was a precious gem never to be recovered. Leni even insisted on her Dad making her a bagged lunch so that she could maximize her bonding time. While he fulfilled that request most days, Lynn Sr. was unavailable to deliver on this occasion; he had to leave early that morning for work.

Without a lunch already ready, Leni was left to stand in line. Unfortunately, Helen was far off alone, already eating her pre packed meal. As she grumbled at the inconvenience, Leni tried her best to keep her focus forward. After all, the less she talked to herself, the faster the clock would move. Not only that, but she would have been in a good mood by the time she reached her companion.

It was boring, though, to just stand there waiting for the kids to slowly file into the a la carte station. Leni became increasingly disappointed by how much time was being lost, as if this crowd were doing nothing more than keeping her away from Helen. What if Helen thought she were ditching her? Leni would have been deemed a bad friend, which would have been a dagger to her already racing heart.

Leni swayed back and forth as that terrible thought persisted. Her mind produced an image of a furious Helen with eyes of cold steel and a frown sharp enough to kill. Leni heard that sweet voice mutate into a hateful tirade, every point in her valid argument banging against the inside of her skull. It was a scene that played over and over again, causing her movement to increase. She wanted to move, to get out of this mess, to make things right.

Her eyes wandered helplessly. It wasn't her choosing, however they were moving all on their own, swirling around and capturing all the forms the cafeteria made up. There was some diversity among the bunch, mostly through colors. There were plenty of Crimson reds, dark blues, emerald greens, lavender, light browns.

As her mind caught up, she forced herself to stop. After some much needed coordination, she reset herself to one sight that her eyes had carelessly skimmed over. There was a familiar lavender dress attached to a familiar batch of long dark brown hair. And that girl was on an island in the middle of the otherwise crowded table.

Leni's mind was now completely transfixed. She knew those clothes. She had made that exact set not too long ago for a very special recipient. Now it was time for her to play big sister and investigate.

She walked right out of the frozen mass and made her away around the long food troughs called tables. Isolated conversations fazed in and faded out through distance and interference from another group's call to be heard. Leni, though, focused on that one specific point she knew she had to reach. She was gonna make it there one way or another.

It wasn't hard at all, not even for someone like her. As she had worried, it turned out to be that precise lavender shirt and purple skirt she had crafted from scratch. Memories of her working on it from her sewing machine came flying back. She knew those clothes, apparently better than the one wearing them.

"Luna?"

For all the excitement she had at the prospect, Leni hadn't seen her sister around the school since starting the year. It felt like Lori was still there, given how infrequently they crossed paths during the day.

The girl peered over, revealing her desolate face. It was an uncomfortably familiar sight for Leni, too familiar.

"Oh hi, Leni," she murmured, her body and voice devoid of energy. The only thing she had beside her was a green apple with a single tiny bite in it.

From the painfully obvious gap surrounding Luna, Leni put the pieces together. Those days of elementary school where they sat together for lunch reared their heads after an unmentionable slumber in an obscure corner of her mind. With it came a new answer to a question she didn't realize she had asked.

Luna was a good girl and an even better sister. She possessed the ability to recognize the need to have friends and she also had the right to emote when something didn't go her way. All Leni was left with was the duty to accept that distinction. She had to act like Lori would.

"Do you, like, wanna sit with me and Helen?" Leni asked.

"Sure."

It was no difficulty getting out of that seat. Leni paid attention to her sister's face as she moved. Luna looked a little better from hearing that offer, however her eyes remained under a blanket of distress. The walk over was quiet. Leni had too much to process to perform the act of opening her mouth. There were so many questions to ask. What had become of Luna in the one year they were separated? The image of her little sister eating lunch alone every day for months, occasionally looking at all the others socializing and having fun. And even in the time since Luna entered Junior High away from her big sister's awareness. Leni couldn't forgive herself for the pain she had caused.

Reaching that special corner of the cafeteria, Helen was already perched in her seat. She eagerly perked her head up as she saw Leni approach.

"Hi Leni," she said, her voice barely restraining her excitement. And that smile was simply contagious.

"Hi," she replied, "Sorry I'm late. I got caught up in line waiting for food," she then turned to her guest, "and then I ran into my little sister!"

"Hello," Luna said, extending her arm and stretching her palm, "I'm Luna and you are..."

"Helen."

So far, all the signs were good. Everyone was smiling, no one appeared uncomfortable. Leni, though, was especially transfixed on Luna, the one that needed immediate reparations. In the short time she had been introduced to her friend, her sister had noticedly relaxed, her shoulders lowered and her hands gentle.

"So, like, I was thinking about you, Luna. And, like, I was wondering if you would like to sit with us," Leni said eagerly, "you can be a part of our, you know, group."

Luna appeared confused. Her eyes shifted between her sister and Helen. Leni, meanwhile, kept switching between Luna's face and the apple she had. Was that really the only thing her little sister was?

"I dunno. I mean, would Helen like it?" Luna said tensely. She didn't look comfortable within her own body, let alone that outfit Leni had made for her.

"I like you. And if Leni is your sister, then you're a friend of mine," Helen said assuredly. Leni noticed that her friend's face was full of life, driving the situation in everyone's favor. To think that this was the same girl that nervously said one word replies to her just months ago. There was a tingly feeling she got as she tried grappling with the idea that maybe, despite all her own shortcomings, she had helped Helen out. It was weird.

Luna, though, was grinning. It was the first time in a while where Leni saw her smile like that, out of true sincerity. Sure there were times where she hacked up a chuckle when she was surrounded by the others, but this was her all on her own. There was something unique with Luna when she was picked out of the bigger crowd.

The sisters sat next to each, opposite Helen. Luna took a bite out of her apple as she made eye contact with her new friend.

"So..." Leni said, stretching out her vocal chords, trying to not let Luna's chewing outlast the sound. Eventually, Luna swallowed. The perfect opportunity, "how about we get to know each other? Isn't that what friends, like, do?"

"Okay," Helen said, "So Luna, do you wanna tell me about yourself? What do you like?"

As she spoke, Luna took another bite and was still chewing. Granted, Leni was taught that it was rude to talk with your mouth full (and if she knew it, that meant everyone else knew it too). But the pause was unsettling. She and Helen stared at Luna while she slowly mashed the food in her mouth while her eyes opted to veer off in the distance. That wasn't the Luna Leni knew. Why was she being so shy?

Even after swallowing, her sister took some time to compose herself. Finally, she peered down at her shirt.

"My favorite color is purple," Luna said, her neck still lowered.

"I made that shirt," Leni told Helen. She couldn't help it. When clothes entered the equation, she came to life much like Helen had. And admittedly, it was a work she was proud of. A plain lavender polo a long violet skirt were all crafted by her. Meanwhile, the white ankle socks and Mary Jane shoes all came from the attic. The outfit was simple, yet cute (was the intention). She hoped the polo's light shade would compliment Luna's long dark brown hair and make her stand out. There was no need for crop tops, white jeans, or designer shoes when Luna was so beautiful on her own.

"Yeah," Luna said, still looking at the shirt, "my sister can really work a sewing machine."

So why was she sitting by herself? Leni tried to formulate some answers to that question as she spoke.

"Aww," Leni said, "enough about me! Luna, why don't you talk about the stuff you like. Like, do you watch _Mystery Woods_?"

"No," Luna replied.

"It's, like, the best show ever!" Leni exclaimed, glancing at Helen. Her friend was smiling and from what she could feel, Leni thought she was smiling herself. With two people looking so happy, some of it had to rub off on Luna. It just had to.

"What is it about?" Luna asked as she took another bite.

Leni turned to Helen. Yes, she had been shown every episode and she loved it. But she still felt this need to pass it on to the original fan. Besides, it would give Helen a chance to come to life.

"Where do I start?" Helen said, her smile widening. Leni mainly focused on her as she presented the pitch. As she spoke, Helen's arms emerged from under the table and moved around, emphasizing points she decided needed so. Her eyes were glowing brighter than the lights in the room. Her voice boomed, supported by solid concrete, and evoked a fire that made those fluorescent lights little more than cheap candles. And even though her mouth was moving, her lips were immaculately shaped. Rosy Coke would be proud.

It was only after Helen finished that Leni faced Luna. She was still chewing. The two friends eagerly waited for Luna to down the morsel before speaking.

"That's pretty cool," Luna said, chill, "I'll have to check it out some time."

"Yay!" Leni said, wrapping her arm around her little sister. As she leaned in closer to her, she heard some giggling. It was sincere. Luna was finally happy. All thanks to...her?

She would take it. With all that was happening, Leni yearned to take credit for something, as if it were a yummy scrap of peanut butter at the bottom of the jar.

"Say Helen," she heard Luna say, her voice now full of energy, "Have you heard of Dream Boat?"

With her chest resting on her sister's shoulder, Leni turned to Helen and caught her shaking her head. Suddenly, her mind cleared up and anticipated a circus.

"Well sit back," Luna said slyly, "because it's quite the ride!"

* * *

Saturday lunch was an interesting experience. Most of the Louds were present and accounted for, chatting and eating. Leni was too busy chewing away at her simple turkey sandwich to start up any form of conversation. It was a good thing her Dad was at the head of the table, leading the charge.

"You know, kids, the funniest thing happened to me this morning," Lynn Sr. said, throwing up his hands, "so I was driving to the store when the radio started playing the Beatles. Now I know that you're all a little young, but when I was your age their music was everything to me."

The obscure references to the "good ol' days" quickly drew Leni out of it. She had little interest in rock and roll (not that it was anything against her dad).

She preferred to focus on her sandwich and what was on her mind. Earlier that morning, she was texting Helen about her plans for the next clothes sale. Lately, Leni had been thinking a lot about her Fashion Club. Soon, she was gonna graduate from Junior High, leaving it to the mercy of the next generation.

On one hand, membership had grown this year (now there were close to thirty members). They all seemed pretty excited to talk about fashion and work towards this fundraiser. But on the other hand, she couldn't help but worry about what was gonna become of the group once its founder left. She had little place to judge any of their commitment (she should have been grateful they even bothered to show up). Those kids at Bartholomew's Helpers still needed help and Leni wanted the clothes sale to continue for them. They deserved it.

The only downside was that Leni couldn't convince Helen to join. Her friend, while sharing most of her interests, knew little about fashion trends or sewing. Maybe someday she would give it a try, however until then Leni told herself she had to be proud that Helen even supported her (she even agreed to give money to the sale once it was up and running).

"I'm back."

Leni snapped her head up and saw Lori entering the dining room carrying a purple sweater bunched up in her hand. By then, she had practically finished her sandwich. With the timing perfect, Leni figured she could slip out to talk to Lori. Knowing her dad, he wouldn't mind a little sister bonding.

Discreetly slipping out of her seat, Leni maneuvered herself into the kitchen. Lori was digging through the cabinets, trying to fish for a snack.

"How was your morning?" Leni asked.

Lori jumped. Every part of her body jolted as those sound waves traversed into her ears, much like a splash of cold water in the middle of the night.

"Leni! You literally scared me!" Lori exclaimed as she planted her hands on the counter.

"Sorry," Leni said regretfully. She thought her big sister saw her coming, foolish of her to think that. But then, her eyes became transfixed on the purple sweater. It was a nice shade, something that went really well with a vibrant yellow (just like Lori's hair), "So what's that you got there?"

As she exhaled, Lori lifted the article she had in her fist, the fabric still in soft bunches. Now that it was in a clearer light, Leni also detected how nice the fabric must have felt. Lori was gonna be so comfy when she put that thing on.

"Carol's sister gave this to me as a souvenir," Lori said, now relaxed. She then raised her head and faced Leni, "wanna take a look?"

Leni nodded and reached her hands out. Her fingers quickly became enveloped by the fuzzy fabric. Indeed, it was even softer than it looked. She felt like she was holding a blanket, perfect for a winter day. Not only that, but that violet shade was so rich, the color popped out of its material confines. Curious to examine more details, she unfurled it and held it out, allowing her to see the entire front.

"Northwestern University," Leni read. The name was printed in large white letters across the top.

"That's the school she goes to. She's very smart," Lori said.

Smart. University. Those two words connected in her mind, like a small wooden bridge between two identical islands. Leni hadn't thought too much about college, given the challenges Junior High brought on its own. Now that it gripped her attention, she was compelled to learn more.

"Where is it?" Leni asked.

"Outside Chicago."

"Chicago?" Leni said. Suddenly, sparks flew as some cogs got jammed. As much as they pulled, trying to get through, they were thoroughly stuck. And right at the wrong moment, "that's not in the northwest. Shouldn't it be in, like, Seattle or something?"

"Well," Lori said, her voice unusually gentle. Leni lowered the shirt and saw her big sister even stretching out her lips, as if trying to sound high pitched, "you may not believe me, but there was a time when America didn't have Seattle or California or those big states out in the west. There was actually a time when the land around Chicago was the northwestern corner of our country."

"I know," Leni blurted out defensively.

She was taking US History this year and specifically recalled the unit where Mrs. Lowell discussed the Louisiana Purchase. There was a big map of the United States color-coded to show when different swaths of land were added. Indeed, Mrs. Lowell explained that Illinois (along with her home state of Michigan) was a part of the country when it gained its independence. Sure, it wasn't called Illinois nor was it even a state (neither was Michigan). Mrs. Lowell had explained that part was called the Northwestern Territory at the time.

Suddenly, her eyes widened. Having parsed her memory, she realized the connection (Northwest and Chicago). She couldn't believe she didn't know it off the top of her head. Leni had made herself look like a fool, regardless of what was in her brain. She gazed at Lori, whose face was surprisingly still despite the explosive blunder.

"Anyway, she loves it over there. Carol was thinking of applying to Northwestern when she becomes a senior. And heck, I'm even thinking of someplace in the Chicago area," Lori said.

No scolding, no insulting. Nothing. If colleges used character as their primary criteria, Lori would have gotten into Harvard by now.

"I think that would be cute," Leni said, handing the sweater back to Lori, "you and Carol, like, both walking around the same college and being like 'This is my best friend from high school'."

Leni tried smiling, to move past the issue. For an instant, she had convinced herself that tactic had worked. Lori, though, didn't change her expression. It was like a joke that had failed to land (did Luan feel that uncomfortable when this happened?)

"There's no way I can get into Northwestern. My grades aren't good enough," Lori said simply. And yet, despite that resignation in her voice, her face looked just fine. Leni was forced to wonder what was going on in her big sister's head. She was horrified by the possibility of her making it awkward, or worse, accidentally making Lori feel bad. That was unforgiveable.

"I'm sorry," Leni said softly, her head drooping.

"Sorry? For what?" Lori asked. Only then did her expression change. And it sure wasn't a smile. Leni sighed as she came to terms with what she had done.

"I didn't want you to, like, feel..." as she held her mouth open, she asked herself the big question. Was she really gonna say it? Once it was out, there was no turning back. As if she hadn't already done enough damage, "dumb."

It was out there. A daring accusation. Leni couldn't help but keep staring at the floor. She felt too much like a coward to face the reality, the monstrous atrocity she had just committed. So much for being the "nice" one. At this point, she was much more like the mean one, the "dumb" one.

Lori giggled. It was soft and was a vibration of her typical voice. Leni couldn't discern what it meant, whether it was hearty or sinister or sarcastic. And that only made her shrink, even while standing.

"Oh Leni, I don't even wanna go to Northwestern," Lori said between chuckles. Leni, though, remained focused on the tile, hoping that would provide enough solace from the storm she was expecting, "I don't care about getting straight A's or being the best. I mean, those people literally have no lives. 'No thank you. I already got friends.'"

She finally had the courage to peer up to examine the damage. Bright eyes, loose cheeks, full color, arms stretched and palms open. Leni raised her back, trying her best to convince herself these were signs that her sister was alright.

"It would be nice to go to Chicago for college," Lori said, her body emanating calmness, "and there's gotta be at least one school there that takes me," she glanced at the sweater, squishing it in her hand. Leni wondered if that was a moment of doubt, one where Lori suddenly felt bad for herself, however she snapped her head up just as quickly, "But hey! I still got another two and a half years before I have to worry about that. It's just cool seeing Carol's sister off doing that type of thing."

To her surprise, Lori moved, making her way towards the living room. Leni's mind was hungry, yearning for more details. She wanted her big sister to tell her more about the future, dreams, and ambitions. The image of a fancy school clung to her, pushing aside every other consideration at that moment. Instead, she was left with a void as Lori went up the stairs.

Leni stood idly in the kitchen, processing all that information. College was an obscure figment, a far off place. Even for Lori, it was something that was coming eventually. And then there was herself? Lori was pretty smart, yet there were ones even she couldn't get into. Knowing this, Leni didn't even wanna think about how most of them would treat her.

Yet again, colleges were smart and they knew everything. They had the right to judge her, to dictate whether she was good enough. Was she good enough?

 _"..."_ she thought as she looked into the kitchen, seeing her amazing family enjoying their lunch. Only time would tell if they would drop those smiles and lay it straight to her.

* * *

Leni's feet felt like boulders as she left her English class. She didn't want to think about the mass of students pouring out the narrow door into an ocean of bodies. She should have been going to history next, to be greeted by more isolated groups of people living in their separate worlds (ignorant of whatever petty concerns she fretted over).

However she knew what needed to be done.

With bated breath, she briskly moved through the halls and took advantage of every opening she could find. As she slip through the narrow channels, she couldn't stop thinking of this overwhelming obligation.

This right here was her future. If she slipped up even once, it was all gonna be over. Mrs. Lane was gonna be disappointed. But it wasn't just limited to that tiny white room. Everyone, beneath their deflated spirits, would have lamented that they should have known better than to put their hope in a black hole. Leni, they assumed, was incapable of improving even when she was being spoonfed.

Well, she wasn't gonna let that happen.

She eased her way through that door and her eyes quickly soaked in the purity of those blank white walls. The table only had two chairs surrounding it and Mrs. Lane was already seated. On the surface was a series of neatly stacked papers, boxes, and pencils.

"Good morning, Leni," she said, smiling, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Leni silently took her seat and made it her goal to maintain eye contact. That was the first part of the test, even if Mrs. Lane didn't say it aloud.

"That's wonderful," Mrs. Lane said as she compiled her papers and slipped the top one across the table. As Leni processed it's details, the teacher continued, "this test shouldn't be too hard. I believe in you."

"Thanks," Leni said, swallowing the fact that she was too busy having her eyes on the paper. Was that worth a red mark? Sure Mrs. Lane was the one who handed out, but that was no excuse to look away. This was gonna be harder than she thought.

"So on the first page, there's a bunch of triangular patterns. And here are a box full of colored blocks," Mrs. Lane explained. Sure enough, she lifted the lid off the blank white box, revealing the wooden pieces. As Leni internalized their paint coats, the teacher continued, "Starting with number one, you're gonna use the blocks to create the pattern on the paper," a pause, "The black triangles stand for the black blocks, so keep that in mind."

"Okay," Leni answered as she took out a black block and held it up. Even with the paint, she could see the parallel lines that ran cleanly along the side. It was a decent paint job.

"Now let's do number one."

Hearing this instruction, Leni leaned in to see the diagrams for the respective problem. It was two squares made from two triangles each (and two of each color). Leni quickly grabbed four triangles and assembled the configuration. The one thing that required effort was polishing (aligning the triangles and leaving plenty of separation between each square). Once she finished, she leaned back to present her work.

"Very good," Mrs. Lane said smiling. Leni took that as a good sign. Maybe it was an indication that silly mistake of no eye contact would have been overlooked, "Now do the next one."

This arrangement was a little more complex. It was two squares connected to each and two triangles a top each square. Leni took one of the squares she already made and carefully slid it to the other, mindful of protecting the alignment. Once they formed into a perfect rectangle, she reached both her hands into the box and pulled a triangle out in each hand. She lifted them by pinching their tips, allowing their masses to dangle above the table. Finally, she lowered them into their respective spots along the top of the rectangle. Now with her work done, Leni pulled back to see the finished product. It looked like a cute little house that some imaginary people could live in. A nice, simple, happy life in a block house.

"Great job!" Mrs. Lane said upon examining the configuration. Perhaps through all this, there was a chance for her after all.

Leni breezed through the rest of the diagrams, each one growing in complexity. Although there were a few moments where she had to stop and think (long enough for Mrs. Lane to notice), Leni finished each problem without mistake. She occasionally peered up at her teacher, gauging her expression. Although there was the small smile that popped up when she finished, during the problem itself that face of her's was blank. It was as if Mrs. Lane were trying to trick her by hiding her true feelings. Still, Leni pressed on undeterred.

"Now, I'm gonna tell you about some people you're talking to and I want you to tell me what you would do," Mrs. Lane described as she lifted a paper from the desk and held it near her face.

Leni nodded.

"So let's say that you walk in the room and you see two people laughing. What could you say to them?"

"Well," Leni said. It wasn't that she struggled with the problem (Luan came to mind), however she couldn't help but drift that eye contact towards the white board behind Mrs. Lane, "I could go up to them and, like, ask what's so funny."

"Very good."

"And then, like, they'll say the joke and I'll laugh," Leni said. She then broke out into her best laughter an empty mind and unwarned vocal chords could muster. Sure it was robotic and choppy, but at least it showed she knew what that was. Those eyes. Maybe Mrs. Lane would forget about where they were pointed.

"Yes. That's definitely one thing they could say in return," Mrs. Lane said as she wrote on the paper.

As this happened, Leni stared at her teacher, wondering what was being scribbled down. Was it good? Bad? An itch formed in the middle of her mind and she wanted to reach it.

"Let's move on to the next one," Mrs. Lane said as she picked up the paper and read, "Now you walk into a room and your friend does not look happy. Before this, you said something insensitive and they heard about it. What would you do?"

"Insensitive?" Leni said, her voice dropping off.

"It means you accidentally said something hurtful to them."

That was horrible. In all her years and analyzed memories, Leni recalled at least a few incidents when she hurt others. Her parents, Mrs. Rowzanksi, Derek, Lori, Linky, Helen, and even Mrs. Lane. All of it was the result of either negligence, runaway excitement, ambition, or a combination of those terrible forces. They had all corrupted her while clashing against each other. Who was she to deny the charge now being levied? The debt she had accumulated from selfishly snagging their forgiveness was untenable. This was a payment and she had no choice but to swallow it.

"The first thing I would do is say I'm sorry," Leni said softly, twidling her thumbs. She used every fiber of strength to keep her eyes focused on her teacher. Through Mrs. Lane's observant eyes, she saw those of all the others she believed to have slighted. Mrs. Rowzanski's makeup wasn't so gross anymore, "and then I would, like, ask if they want a hug. Or something kind. Or anything they want, just so that they know that I'm sorry. I want to tell that they are good and that they shouldn't be hurt like that. And then," she then paused and took a breath. Her eyes ached as they struggled to stay still, "I would say sorry to them again."

Leni exhaled, not caring whether it was audible. She couldn't look at Mrs. Lane anymore; her eyes veered off towards the window on the opposite wall. At that point, it was the only thing keeping her mind afloat, even as it stormed a tumultuous sea of regrets and apologies unsaid. After all this time, did she really even learn anything? She felt she had done little to correct her attitude, to stop herself from speaking out of turn.

"That's very thoughtful," Mrs. Lane said gently. Leni's eyes darted back to her teacher as she finished writing some more commentary down. What was being recorded mattered little now. The thought of her being worthy was getting confusing.

"Let's move on to the next one," she said.

And for now, there was little time or space to discuss the matter. That problem was gonna have to be kicked down the road for another day, another Leni.

* * *

"Wow! It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!" Mint Berry cried as she was rolled into the meadow. The sunset radiated brilliant rays against the daffodils. The chorus of baked flowers fascinated the wheelchair-bound mare. For the first time in years, she felt alive. She mouth stretched uncontrablly as she plucked one of the buds and her eyes sparkled as she felt it in her hoof.

But no one was more contented than the mare pushing the chair's handles. Rosy Cake grinned as she saw her friend have the time of her life. It was one of those smiles of a job well done.

"I knew you'd like it," Rosy Cake said sweetly. As she spoke, they were brushed with a gentle breeze, swaying both their manes like a set of wind chimes (only ones that were mute).

"Thank you!" her friend exclaimed as she threw her hoofs forward. With tears in her eyes, she wished she could have embraced Rosy. Luckily, the party pony was on the case. She swung around and hugged Minty.

"It's what friends are for," she whispered.

Leni smiled as the camera faded to black on that final shot. It was beautiful. Another masterfully crafted episode featuring the burst of sunshine, Rosy Cake (helping her friends, of course).

Everything was nice. It was another great Saturday with little concerns in the world. That was what it should be.

"Leni!" she heard her Mom holler.

Her ears perked at that call. Thankfully, there was no abrasiveness to be detected (the only outstanding feature was the volume). With this reassurance, she hopped from her bed and headed out.

Along the halls, she greeted Lana as she made her way to the bathroom as well as Lucy reading a giant book (to think that Lisa was the only big reader). Happy to see her little sisters going about their day, Leni strolled along down the stairs. As she moved, she wondered what her mother wanted. A chore, a question, a piece of fashion news. On a day like this, anything was possible.

Reaching the dining room, she noticed that Mom and Dad were both seated at the table. Between them was a Manila folder which (judging by the lid) had been unsealed. Seeing a document so official, Leni tensed up as she approached them. She couldn't help but feel that something was wrong.

"What is it?" Leni asked nervously.

As she propped up her Ducky arms, she looked first at her Mom. Her face was fine (no tear streaks, no red, nothing out of place). Then she turned to her Dad who was smiling. Leni raised an eyebrow, curious as to what this all meant.

"We just got a letter from the school," Lynn Sr. said, gesturing to the folder resting on the table, "they said that you passed your tests with flying colors."

Flying Colors? She didn't know that Dad was watching _Princess Pony_? Plus, that seemed like a weird analogy to use for something like this. Just as the silence was becoming unbearable, Mom jumped in.

"You did very well, honey," Rita said as the corners of her lips also curled upwards, "Mrs. Lane even told us personally how proud she is of you. The work you've done with her is simply amazing, way beyond what any of us could have imagined!"

Mrs. Lane actually complimented her and she said it to her parents (of all people). Maybe it was all just an exaggeration, a pep talk to feed her more lies about how great she was. There was no way any of this could be true.

"So, like, what happens now?" Leni asked, her voice devoid of any suspicion.

Just then, their faces magnified. Everything from their joyous eyes to their hearty grins grew (she could even see their teeth). Leni, meanwhile, only got more concerned.

"After this year, you won't need speech therapy anymore," Rita said proudly, "you have learned everything and ready to socialize on your own!"

"Isn't that exciting?" Lynn Sr. interjected.

Exciting? Years of causing misery and misfortune to (almost) everyone and everything she touched and only now was there a promise of redemption. It was an uphill turn, even if it came from an avoidable mess. Leni didn't think she would ever hear those words, that she was condemned to forever be a burden on those she loved. Perhaps the better word was normalized.

It was a lot to take in. She was too concentrated to lower her Ducky arms or even change her face. Leni didn't even open her mouth, something that the parents apparently noted first.

"You have to understand that _you_ did this. It was your hard work that has gotten you to this point," Rita said soothingly, still smiling.

"Believe us, sweetie," Lynn Sr. said, mirroring his wife, "We are so proud of you. You've come so far and we want you to know that."

"Okay," Leni answered, finally finding the strength to relax. Lowering her arms, she looked up at both your parents, "thank you."

"What are you thanking us for? You're the one who did it all!" Rita said, chuckling.

Just then, Lynn Sr. swooped in and hugged Leni, nearly knocking her off her feet. Leni, baffled, was overwhelmed by her father's warm embrace and large body. It was a strange feeling, one she rarely considered. From what she knew, she was usually the one to initiate hugs. Was this why Linky turned all red when she hugged him and cooed him?

"We love you so much, honey," she heard her Dad say.

Seeing nothing but her Dad's green sweater, Leni heard the sound of sliding and steps. She felt her Mom wrap her arms around both of them. Now in an embrace, she was met with this assurance.

Perhaps with all this, there was finally gonna be change. If this was how they reacted to the news, then it's clear that it was a weight off their shoulders. Now, Leni felt like she wasn't a burden anymore. No more costs or specialists to deal with. No more humiliating instances of others not wanting to do with her. No more uncertainty about her own social skills. Leni assumed she had what it took to finally be an acceptable Loud, one that could be useful and competent. One that could be considered nice (and if she worked at it, more than that). Now, that silly voice was gonna go away and she could be happy in this post-struggle world. Maybe now she could be a source of pride for both others and for herself. Leni felt that the future was gonna be an ascendency towards happiness. From now on, there were to be no more fears.

Right?


	35. Another Day

It was another day for the Loud family.

Lori had one hand on the steering wheel as she gazed along the road. Once outside the school district, the traffic became much more bearable. Of course, that didn't stop her irritation.

Lana and Lola were bickering in the seat behind her, occasionally kicking it. The thud was distracting. After all, the woman was trying to drive. As she would say, woe is me.

"Luna! Tell those two to cut it out!" Lori barked as she glared at the car ahead of her.

"I'm trying!" she exclaimed as she oversaw the two at each other's throats. Luna reached her arms out in an effort to separate them, "Chill out, dudes! If you get along, you can be backup singers in my next recording."

Lana pushed Lola against the door. As the older twin grinned at the job well done, the younger huffed and screamed.

Lori bent forward as the sound pierced her ears. She was lucky she didn't smash into that innocent car as they stopped at the intersection. Peering forward, Lori noticed the car in front had its blinker pointing. Noting how her own path was straight, an idea simmered in her head. Sure enough, the car turned right and Vanzilla plowed on ahead. At this point, it was an open road as far down as she could see. Now was her chance.

As she drove, Lori leaned next to Leni, who was sitting next to her. The girl was staring out the window, smiling as she witnessed the same familiar sights whiz by.

"Check this out," Lori said, grinning.

Before Leni could have processed the words, Lori slammed on the brakes. Even with seat belts, everyone belched forward. Two particular voices moaned "Ow", causing Lori's grin to widen (just the ones she wanted). She looked over at Leni, whose hands were pressed against the dashboard.

"What's the hold up, sister?!" Lola demanded bitterly.

"Oh, nothing much. Just Mr. Grouse's new cat," Lori said slyly as she peered into the headboard mirror. Sure enough, Lola's glare burnt like the sun in the reflection, "Her name is Quiet!"

Leni jerked her head side to side, examining every portion of clear glass, although her reaction was the only one Lori saw. But that didn't matter so much. The twins were quiet (as was everyone else).

"Thank you," Lori sneered sweetly as she pushed the gas pedal. Vanzilla roared to a start and chugged down the road.

The rest of the ride was silent and without note. Lori was so comfortable in her place, the mere of driving got boring. Woe was her. Occasionally, her eye caught part of Leni doing something. She knew it was dangerous to take her eye off the road, leading her to make some casual assumptions of her little sister's actions. As far as she was concerned, Leni was struggling to figure out when Mr. Grouse even got a cat, let alone allow it to stray so far from his house. Leni seemed so easy to figure out, Lori didn't feel the need to think too hard about it.

Leni, for the most part, did stare out the window. It was one activity she liked to do whenever she was on any car ride. It wasn't like Lori was gonna let her turn on the radio or strike up a conversation. Besides, all the others were too far dispersed to mingle with. Of course, she could also text Helen. But for now, gazing at the scenery was enough.

Several minutes later, Lori pulled Vanzilla into the House. Simultaneously, the nine school-age kids filed out of the car and packed into their modest abode. Free from the constraints of school, they all dispersed to their afternoon routines. Leni usually didn't pay much mind to the others, given that she had her own business to attend to.

Entering her room, she went straight to her desk. Today was to be yet another step in her progress towards her latest project. As she stared at her sewing machine, Leni couldn't help but run through the prospects all over. There was still two weeks before the Royal Woods Fashion Show, sponsored by the High School's club (led by herself). There was still several fits that needed to be designed and it was her artistic vision that would be realized on that runway.

She took a calming breath as she opened one of the drawers. In it were a series of bobbins of various colored threads. But even in the sea of purple and red and blue and yellow, Leni's eyes widened at a particular feature (or lack thereof). The rainbow bobbin she had purchased only yesterday was missing.

Leni rubbed her chin as she remembered the details surrounding that item. She knew that immediately after receiving it, she had gone home and placed it in this specific drawer. Perhaps it was in a separate one. With this notion in mind, she checked the remaining drawers, sticking her hand in to examine obscure corners and spaces under other objects. However (to her greater surprise), it wasn't anywhere within the desk.

It became apparent that something must have happened to her beloved bobbin. Did she simply forget some detail? She knew she needed that bobbin in order to continue work on that particular design.

Time to ask the others.

She swiveled out of her chair and noticed Lori sitting on her bed typing on a laptop. Or, more accurately, was typing until her fingers abruptly stopped. Lori's bored expression quickly molded into annoyance as she took a large airy breath. Leni wasn't sure where to insert herself; her big sister looked busy with staring and what appeared to be whispering to herself.

"Hey Lori," she said gently.

Lori sighed.

"Yes?" she asked uninterested.

Was it worth it to ask her big sister for help? Leni briefly recalled the contents of the drawer, insuring that she saw it correctly. Now that was in that position, she wasn't so sure anymore. And when she wasn't sure, there was only one option. Standing there idly wasn't one of them and neither was counting the pimples breaking out on Lori's apathetic face.

"Have you, like, seen my rainbow thread?" Leni asked. She even threw in a smile, trying to lighten the mood on her sister's face. Sadly, all she got was another sigh and a head shake.

"Did you take it?" Leni asked curiously.

"No, Leni. Why would I take that?"

That never occurred to her. After multiple instances of her taking Lori's bobby pins, she only assumed that Lori would have taken to reciprocal action. But there wasn't much time to dwell on this realization, given how Lori was impatiently waiting. So, for convenience, Leni shrugged. Lori raised her hands.

"Whatever," Lori said, her eyes glued on the screen, "go ask someone else. I'm busy."

Leni had noticed the prominent laptop facing her big sister. Over the past week, that object had replaced her phone as Lori's center of attention. For hours on end while Leni sewed, she sat on her bed alternating between brief periods of typing and longer breaks of staring at the screen. There were times where Lori even talked to herself, mumbling memories and ideas that crafted Leni's understanding of the situation.

"So, like, how's your story coming along?" Leni asked, trying to change the subject.

"Alright," Lori replied casually, "let me ask you. Do you think Harvard will be impressed if I use the word," she then paused to lean into the screen, "obsolescence?"

Leni smiled and eagerly nodded.

"You bet. You're, like, so smart that Harvard can't say no!" Leni said. And she meant it as well. Over the years, when has Lori been wrong about stuff? At the moment, she couldn't think of a single instance. Once that fancy college saw how amazing her big sister was, they would have no choice but to let her in.

"Thanks," Lori replied blankly. Her fingers moved automatically, her face barely changing to account for the new edits to her developing essay. Leni figured it was her time to move on to the next sibling.

Making the leap across the hall, Leni entered the next room. Indeed, Luna strummed at a black guitar on the bean bag while Luan was head deep in an engaging discussion with Mr. Coconuts. Leni smiled, thinking about their development. Luna had really come out of her shell since the end of seventh grade. Meanwhile, Luan got a new set of braces after biting a bowling pin (Leni never asked why, however it still confused her). The wire plus the retainer gave her little sister a lisp. And it was absolutely adorable.

"Hey girls," Leni said cheerfully, waving her arm. On cue, both the sisters perked their heads up.

"What's up, sis?"

"This better be important," Luan said lightly, "Mr. Coconuts can't _bear_ to be left waiting."

Leni raised an eyebrow. Was there some secret message being transmitted? As she tried to decode what she was missing out on, Luna leaned forward.

"Really? Bear?" Luna said, baffled by her sister's remark, "there's nothing here that looks like a bear."

She still couldn't figure it out. Of course there wasn't a bear in the room. If there was, then everyone would be running away. There'd be roaring and honey and fur everywhere. It was only then, though, that Leni remembered the word "bare", as in "to put up with with". She thought it was clever and became tempted to laugh.

" _Wood_ you prefer me saying a moose?"

Having caught that one quicker, Leni calculated that was two jokes in the row. And when something was funny, there was one (two) thing to do. As she coughed out some giggles, it was then that something else hit her. Leni paused. Luna didn't laugh at all (and neither did Luan). Now, any form of laughing was just embarrassing.

"Um, like, have any of you, um, see my rainbow thread," Leni asked, struggling to formulate the words. Staring at her two sisters was difficult. They always liked to look her directly in the eye, making the sight all that much harder to lock. That, plus the inappropriate giggling, placed her in an awkward position.

"Haven't seen it, sis," Luna said, gazing down at the guitar, "you might wanna check with Lori."

"Yeah," Luan concurred.

There was no way that was a joke. And even though they were wrong, Leni internalized their advice. After all, they didn't know. She smiled and went on her way.

Lori was out of the picture. That much was clear. But even at that, there was still no bobbin around. She imagined holding it in her hands, absorbing its vibrant colors. It was gonna look lovely on a white dress she was planning, a lining certain to pop to the eyes. Leni had been thinking about that dress for several weeks and the thought of her sitting behind the machine crafting it caused her heart to flutter.

The search had to continue, as if all other projects were on hold for the time being. Sure, she could have devoted her afternoon to making something else; there were plenty of simpler dresses and shirts that didn't require such special material. But now, that rainbow thread was all she could think of. Her chest squeezed the longer she lingered without an answer.

Proceeding down the hall, she entered the next room. Lucy sat on her bed, writing from her journal. The other side of the room was glaringly empty. Now she remembered. Lynn had hockey practice today. Life for her must have been so carefree. Bulky equipment on, gracefully skating down the smooth ice, scoring touchdowns. Lynn had all her stuff in order. Meanwhile, Leni was left scrounging for this one roll of thread.

"Hi, Lucy. Like, have y-"

"Out of my way!"

A hand jammed itself into Leni's side. The startled woman gazed down as Lola's diminutive threatening figure stormed into the room. Before her, Lola went to Lynn's side and started her raid. T-shirts and gym shorts came flying while the girl rambled. Lucy barely noticed, as indicated from her persistent writing (and after all, she might have assumed that it didn't affect her).

"I'm gonna rip her head off!" Lola mumbled as her tiny arms yanked at the drawer. It was a miracle the whole tray didn't come out as well. Of course, that only emboldened the little princess.

"What's wrong?" Leni asked nervously, still standing in the doorway. Lola froze dramatically and reared her furious head over. The older sister recoiled.

"Lynn stole one of my white gowns and she's gonna use it as a towel!" Lola exclaimed as she hurled another T-shirt across the room.

Leni wished she could help out her little sister; she hated seeing Lola upset (or any of her siblings). But all she could have done was remain frozen. She didn't know where that gown was (or if Lynn used it as a towel). Maybe it had nothing to do with an article of clothing, but rather something deeper. Was there something Lola wasn't telling anyone (she knew that feeling).

"Hello!" Lola screamed towards Lucy, "are you just gonna sit there or what?"

Lucy sighed as she placed down her book.

"Only when clothes are flying is my presence noticed," Lucy said before sighing again. But rather than getting up to look, she retreated to her book.

"Aren't you gonna help me find my gown?!"

"No," Lucy replied as she started writing again.

Leni braced herself as the princess gritted her teeth and paced about the room. Each step pounded against the pavement and the feet yanked at the fibers. It had to have been the noisiest sound in the Loud House. Leni conjoined her hands as she stepped forward (Lola being too distracted to notice her big sister approaching).

"I can help you find your gown," she said. She had hauled herself into a ring of fire, where uncertainty reined supreme. Leni didn't think through the precise risks, but her tummy had a boulder in it, a bold warning for what might be.

However, just as quickly as she made the offer, Lola's face lightened up like a light switch. Instantaneous, complete, and unexpected. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Thank you, Leni," Lola said sweetly. And just like that, her own fears subsided," I'm glad some people are kind enough to lend a helping hand," she continued as she shot a glare towards Lucy. The writer, though, paid little mind, as shown from her continued scribbling.

With a smile on her face, Leni stumbled into the room and picked up some of the loose clothing from the floor. They were all crumpled from their turbulent flight and yearned to return to their cozy home (or at least, that's how she saw it). Not only was she determined to put them back, Leni got the idea to fold them as well. Sure it would take more time, but Lynn deserved to come back to a nice organized wardrobe.

The first one she chose was one of Lynn's normal shirts (red and white, long sleeved, and a number 1 on it). Even though it was time consuming, the process was fairly easy. First were the sleeves, which got pressed over the front. Once the cuffs overlapped, Leni held up the shirt and folded the whole thing in half (the "tall way"). And finally, it was folded in half again (this time the "wide way"). Now done, Leni neatly slid the shirt into an open drawer.

"Leni! We have to find my gown, not clean the room!" Lola exclaimed, stomping her foot.

"I know. But, like, it's not nice to make a mess like this," Leni said.

"I want my gown!"

It was like she wasn't on the same planet. Leni was certain she had known her objective. Clothes were her thing, whether it was making them, wearing them, or knowing where they were. Folding Lynn's clothes just happened to be her first tendency. She was gonna get around to eyeing that gown. It was all just a matter of process, she told herself.

Of course, that didn't quell Lola's anger. That sour face, the result of impatience and agonizing tolerance crashing together into a sickening look. Leni felt her heart jump as she realized the mission's second dimension (how it all affected her precious little sister). Her eyes darted as she tried to pick up the pieces.

Clearly, she couldn't continue folding; that only would have made Lola madder (and who knew what punishment would have awaited her). Leni had to actually look for this thing. She was gonna be the one that saved the day. The only question now where to start. She jerked her head around, noticing the drawers. Those seemed like a decent place to start.

Leni approached the dresser and opened the top drawer. Seeing the barren, dirty clumps, Leni proceeded to sift through them, carefully nudging them. As she moved, she told herself that Lynn deserved to have everything in here folded and organized. It would certainly be a welcome surprise for the aspiring hockey star.

Of course, that had to wait until after she found Lola's clothes. Keeping a smile on, Leni searched through each of the drawers, respecting each article she came across (regardless of how ratty or filthy it was). Unfortunately, none of them produced anything Lola owned, let alone her white gown. As each examined corner came up empty, Leni felt her insides churn, that smile a little battered.

Deep down, her determination boldened. She was not gonna let her sister down. Somehow, some way, she was gonna find it and make her very happy, even if it took the rest of the afternoon.

"Hey Lola!"

Who was that? It was certainly a familiar one. Squeaky, deeper than her's, gentle and soft. There was only one name that registered in Leni's brain when that voice was heard. She leaned back from the dresser and swiveled around. Lincoln entered carrying something white. There was simply no way, Leni thought.

"Here," the boy said, handing the white, bunched up fabric to Lola, "it was mixed in with Lana's laundry."

Right at the moment where Leni thought that face would never glow again, Lola's immediately curled up. Her eyes bore a different hue and her lips rolled back, revealing the gap where her front teeth should be. Leni watched back as the scene unfolded.

"Thank you, Linky!" Lola cried as she rushed up to her brother. The hug she gave him appeared tight, yet authentic. Lincoln's boyish "defenses" melted away and he returned the hug. Even Leni wound up smiling at all the cuteness. Lucy, meanwhile, sighed and continued writing, her eyes never leaving the page.

The rainbow thread.

Suddenly, Leni remembered the big mission, the entire reason she was in Lucy's room to begin with. As she recollected the details she acquired from her investigation, Leni looked at Lucy (sulky and quiet). She wanted me to drop the question to her, gain some more insight from someone else.

And yet, she remained silent. What was there to gain from asking Lucy where her rainbow thread was? "I dunno. Ask Lori or Linky?" And then she would have been guided by the hand towards the next destination. Leni recognized there would have been no pride in finding the bobbin she misplaced by getting others involved. Sure, they were all perfect, but they deserved better than to get dragged into this.

Leni boldened her resolve and hauled herself off the floor. She was gonna find that bobbin all by herself.

By then, Lola and Lincoln had parted ways, clearing the path for her. The first place that came to mind was the living room. And that was where she was gonna look.

As she descended the steps, her eyes peered down, checking if the bobbin was nestled there (the railing was an excellent tool in preventing a fall). None of the steps, however, housed a bobbin of any type, let alone one of rainbow thread. Once that leg was complete, she turned right into the living room. In there, she saw Lana leaned back on the couch, staring at the television.

"Hey Lana," Leni said cheerfully.

The little girl noticed Lana and smiled a little. That was the type of face Leni loved seeing more than anything.

"What's up, Leni?"

"Nothing much," she replied before slyly grinning herself. It was truly the look of someone that took pride in their actions. And right then, she wanted the whole world to know what she was up to, "I'm just down here looking for my rainbow bobbin."

"That's cool," Lana replied.

Cool. She liked the sound of that.

"Thanks," Leni said, nodding her head. With nothing to wait for, she proceeded to walk around the room, looking in each of the shelves and drawers. Sure enough, all the usual stuff was in their place. But alas, no bobbin.

There was no way she was gonna give up, especially not when she has a fellow sister in the room to impress. Lana needed to know that Leni was, in fact, searching (and vigorously at that). Darting her eyes around the room, she thought through some of the other spots it could be. While some of them appeared nice, Leni quickly made a decision. The bottom of the couch. Clearly, if it were just lying in the open, Lana would have seen it by now. That had to be the only logical explanation.

As she moved closer, Leni's eyes caught sight of the flashing TV screen. On it was a text being narrated.

"We now return to _The Rabbit Hole_ ," the announcer said. On the right side was a picture of a smiling cartoon bunny wearing an orange baseball hat.

She froze to examine the screen. That bunny sure was cute. No wonder Lana wanted to watch this show so bad (even though she hadn't heard much about it). Leni told herself to remember that title so she could check it out. But now wasn't the time for watching cartoons. That bobbin had to be found! Just as the show started, Leni got down to her knees and peeked under the couch.

Through the thick upholstery, she heard a cacophony of female voices followed by a piercing shrill, silencing them all.

"My cake!"

"Someone took a big bite out of it."

"And now it's ruined!"

Nothing so far. That couch was pretty much a clear slit acting as a gate to the other side. Maybe Mom had just cleaned it. Leni, though, didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to be shown being wrong. Her eyes scanned the area again. As this happened, she heard a door swing open.

"Hey everyone," a male voice said cheerfully. Unfortunately, it was met with silence, "what's wrong?"

"Someone has some explaining to do!" one of the girls said.

"Yeah!" they all chanted.

"About what?...Oh...Well, I didn't do it! And it's not that bad. I mean, the rest of the cake is perfectly fine," the boy insinuated.

She then heard what she assumed was a banana peel slipping, followed by the boy screaming. Underneath his squeaky cry was a series of crashes, each one made Leni cringe a little. Finally, there was a fat, moist splat. That couldn't have been good, even though Lana burst out chuckling.

"Harrison!" all the girls screamed.

"Come on! A banana peel? Mom and Dad have told Beth a million times not to leave those lying around," Harrison protested.

"You just don't get the a- _peel_ ," Beth said. Her voice, though, had a lisp. Suddenly, all the girls burst into laughter. Annoying, demeaning laughter.

"Well," Harrison said, resigned. The laughter cut out, to insure this admission was heard, "I guess I brought this upon myself."

Once again, Lana laughed. Leni, though didn't quite get the joke. Maybe it was just something she had to see as well as hear. Regardless, she finally accepted the fact that the bobbin was not under the couch. Sighing, she got back up and saw her little sister cozied up in the cushion. Every few seconds, Lana chuckled at some new gag or joke being said on screen. Leni, though, told herself not to watch. She needed to find that bobbin, regardless of distractions.

Leni made her way into the kitchen, where Rita stood in front of a chair. Unfortunately, her body obstructed the object or view itself.

"For the last time: no!" Rita said authoritatively.

"Mother, I rest assure you that the finances and installation will be covered," Lisa said. Leni paused, taking the moment to recognize that it was her Mom was speaking to.

"It's not just the money. You can't have an atom spliter in the House! It's dangerous not just for you, but the entire family," Rita shot back, placing her hands on her hips.

"The University lacks a unit and my colleagues have little interest in procuring one. Therefore, I have to assume responsibility. Once I obtain it, I can yield tremendous research on an unlimited schedule."

"I don't care! I'm not gonna let you do any risky experiments in the House. End of story," Rita said.

Leni then heard a nasally sigh.

"Very well," Lisa said, "it is disappointing that my research will remain limited to the University. However, if that is your wish, I will oblige."

"I just want you to be safe, honey," Rita said, far more gently than before, "It's great that you're doing this type of work with grown ups, but the University is the only place where you can do it without getting hurt. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mother," Lisa said plainly.

"Good."

The chair pushed back as a little figure hopped down from it. Leni watched as Lisa coolly walked away. Those large bespectacled eyes veered off at a point she couldn't determine. It was pretty interesting hearing Lisa's desire, even if she had no idea what an atom spliter was (a kitchen utensil owned by a guy named Adam?)

"Hi sweetie, how are you?" Rita asked.

The words jolted her. Leni briefly forgot what she was even gonna say as it got mixed with confusion, surprise, and the command responses she had learned from years of teaching.

"Pretty good," Leni said tensely, "and you?"

"Pretty well myself. Thanks for asking," Rita said. Her voice was unusually high. Leni was forced to wonder if it was always like that.

And then she remembered again. Now she knew what all this was about. And (hopefully), all of this nonsense would stop.

"Have you seen my rainbow thread bobbin?" Leni asked, forcing herself to focus on each word. It was after finishing that she realized what she had done. Leni blushed, knowing that she had given up the whole "find it yourself" goal. So much for progress.

"As a matter of fact," Mom said. She then got up from the chair and swung open one of the cabinets. Her hand reached in and pulled out a black plastic bobbin with rainbow thread. Leni's eyes widened upon seeing her coveted prize. Images reared their ugly head, producing forgotten traces of her movement. And she specifically remembered putting the bobbin in the cabinet when she had to go to the bathroom, telling herself that she would have been right back to retrieve it.

Thinking about that caused her cheeks heated up even more. The tummy felt weird, churning up like it was rejecting a bad breakfast. Making it worse was that smile her Mom had as she gave it to her, traversing the room just to gift it to her.

"Uh, thank you," Leni said.

"You're welcome," Rita replied.

Gripping the bobbin, Leni retreated from that kitchen, uncomfortable seeing her Mom's face. The last thing she wanted was to bask in that discomfort, that embarrassment.

She knew her Mom should have given her a firm warning for misplacing something she had spent good money on; it was the least she could have received in retribution. And yet, all she got was a smile and a cute demeanor. Why couldn't she have been given the arms crossed or hands on the hips? Why couldn't she get yelled at like the others?

Leni sauntered into the foyer where Lynn bolted through the front door, hauling a hefty black bag.

"Mom! I'm home!" she shouted.

"I thought you had practice," Rita said, her voice projecting from the kitchen.

"We got out early!"

Before Leni could have greeted her, Lynn was already halfway up the steps. All she could think about was whether her little sister would be alright with the mess made earlier and her incomplete effort to clean it. Lynn deserved so much better than one folded shirt.

Now that she had what she needed, Leni proceeded up the steps herself. Most of the time, though, her eyes focused on the right wall. Her vision glazed past each of their portraits, going from youngest to oldest. Each of them looked so cute with their little smiles and self confidence. Indeed, all of them were perfect.

She stopped, however, when she reached her own. Leni did not think her body was ugly by any means (when a lot of effort into fashion and hair care, there was little to complain about). Her smile, though, was weirdly shaped. It was just there, as if there was no life behind it. Most of the time, it did require a meaningful push for her to contort her lips into an acceptable shape. Not only that, but she was sandwiched between two other perfect people.

There was Lori, the sister she turned to for guidance. No one was smarter than her (aside from Lisa). She always had something to say about how things (or Leni's life) should work. And she was always right. Leni was pressed to think of a time when Lori was wrong when she herself was correct. It was a law of nature.

And then there was Luna. She had grown up so much over the past few years. To think that she got her to be friends with Helen, only to then discover her own interest and branch off to her crowd. Luna had transformed herself, cut her hair and changed her wardrobe (mostly). But most of all, she now had a tight pack of other rockers and musicians. It was okay that Luna didn't hang out with her as much anymore. Leni wasn't hurt, she told herself. After all, Luna was perfect and her priorities always trumped all else.

Both of them were remarkable (as were the rest of them). And then there was just her. Crooked smile, memory lapses, twisted tongue.

Leni's head lowered as she went up the rest of the steps. She didn't like that picture very much. Yet, once on top, she went to the right without even thinking. There was only one person left that she needed help from.

Opening the door, she saw the crib pressed against one wall. In one corner of the room, Lisa was quietly reading at her desk. As Mom had said, there was no atom spliter to be found (or any other high tech gear that's found at the University). But at the moment, what mattered most was the soft cooing.

Leni's heart lightened as she approached the crib's wooden side. Lily was happily rolling around on the mattress, gripping her stuffed teddy bear. And that smile beamed of innocence and vibrancy. The sunshine in her eyes radiated to Leni.

"Hi Lily. It's me, Leni," she said in her baby voice (a skill she had acquired through multiple practice runs). Lily stretched her hands upward, pointing to Leni. She knew what needed to happen.

Leni hoisted the infant into her arms and hugged her. Everything lightened as she felt the baby's warmth press against her chest. This was nice. If only every moment were like this, where there was nothing to fear and everything was alright. There were times where she wished she could be told it's alright.

 _"You're good enough. Look how happy Lily is."_

Leni wanted it to be okay. She wanted to be in the present, to face the fact that a special someone was happy because of her actions. Leni pulled every fiber of her brain to tell herself this. She tried and tried and tried.

But this wasn't the first time she held Lily. So what difference would it have made if she did it again. All of these feelings, this nasty discomfort, was bound to resurface. It was ready to catch her off balance, even when she knew it would come.


	36. The Dress

Sometimes, nighttime was a curse. It was such a blanket force that it paralyzed any physical action, whether it required a bright light or produced a lot of noise. Leni told herself this as she lied in bed. The room was pitch black and Lori was snoring louder than Vanzilla's engine. And yet, Leni's eyes couldn't stay shut. Her mind was too wound up with her next project. She hadn't been able to finish that dress with the rainbow seams. The image of her desired product dominated all else, with the upcoming work underpinning the presentation.

When it came to fashion, Leni had a fire in her. Even in the stillness of night, her body was attracted to the sewing machine on the other side of the room. She wanted to sew the night away, preparing all the outfits needed for the Fashion Show. If it weren't for that silly thing called sleep, Leni convinced herself she would have completed the entire wardrobe by now.

But what about Lori? She may have been a snoring factory, but even a lamp light could have woke her (and not to mention the machine's buzzing). That was the weight holding her back.

 _"Are you sure you don't wanna do it? She won't mind."_

Leni processed the ongoing debate in a frozen posture within her cushy bed. Each time that snoring entered her ear, it was another anchor for that voice, the one telling her to do it. By this point, she could even he's hear the machine running.

 _"It's okay if you mess up. It's your job!"_

Her eyes snapped open. That was just silly talk. There was no way she would do something wrong when she could help it. It rarely showed, but she pushed herself to be better, to stop messing up. Every time she bumped into someone, couldn't make out what someone said, or did something mindlessly, she recognized it after the fact. And the grilling was relentless. Leni demanded to know why she couldn't have stopped it, why everyone took her slowness in stride. All she wanted was to be better. To do it on purpose was dishonest to say the least.

Besides, it wasn't like she always did something wrong. Leni scrounged together some moments where she got something right, whether it was a problem on a homework assignment or when she encouraged Lori to forgive Carol. Those were her doing and she tried convincing herself that was enough validation. In fact, there were even times where she defied expectations. If Maddy or Dr. Henry were in the room, they would say "I never thought you'd get this far" (or something along those lines).

So what was the big deal then? If Leni wanted to make clothes, then she should do it. It was gonna make a lot of people happy (in her head, at least), even if Lori woke up and barked at her. Maybe this wasn't a mess up after all.

 _"Yeah,"_ she told herself, _"I'm gonna do it right now!"_

That was all she needed. Throwing off the pink blanket, Leni jumped to her feet and paced to the machine. She was lucky she didn't trip over anything (Lori made sure the floor was always clean). Once over there, she gripped the plug and groped through the darkness. Indeed, the hard part was not getting to the desk, but pinpointing the precise position of the outlet. In her effort, Leni scraped its side along with part of the wall in her exhaustive effort to locate two parallel slits.

Eventually, the prongs pushed inwards like two fitting puzzle pieces. Leni jerked her head towards Lori's bed. The snoring was still like a lawnmower. Now, the crucial was needed: flipping on the machine. Leni couldn't help but hear the familiar buzzing it was known to make. Was the noise gonna be enough to wake Lori? She assessed the true volume of the machine. Sure she had known its sound for years, but it was only now that Leni even considered how much of a disturbance it posed.

A whole minute passed in the darkness, her hands gripping the machine's side. What to do, she asked. In the meantime, she recalled that her phone had a built in flashlight and flicked it on. Leni clenched her eyes shut as the white light flashed against the machine. And yet, even then, all she heard was more snoring. Leni told herself that it wouldn't be that bad. After all, if Lori could sleep through this piercing light, then she could make it through a little humming. It wasn't _that_ loud.

Bringing it all together, Leni emboldened herself. She knew that if she delayed, there would be some doubt (she needed to get this done). Without any more hesitation, she flicked the power switch.

Leni leveraged her phone at the base of the side with the presser foot. As she thought, the light successfully illuminated the primary sewing area. Finally, there was the material itself. That part was easy (it was in the desk's middle drawer). In there was a two-dimensional outline of a dress along with various square patches. Leni stared at the work. Indeed, the front half (the more united portion) was a blend of white and golden with rainbow outlining the seams. Gazing at the product through the light, the midnight mind presumed that purple was a decent color to work with, particularly for the backside. After all, a rainbow bobbin called for at least some diversity in the fabric.

She gently placed her work beneath the presser foot. Getting into her seat, her barefoot quickly found the pedal (its rugged surface pressed against the skin). Now was the moment of truth, where Leni would discover a new possibility. By that point, her mind cleared. Any fears had wandered off with their hands up; anything wrong was gonna be on her abdetmidended watch. Leni only wanted to do what she loved.

Her toes clamped down on the pedal. Leni flinched as she was pinched by that sound. The humming was more like Lori's snoring, definitely something a Loud would own. Leni jerked her head to her big sister. Her heart was pounding and her face heated up. If Lori woke up, it would be a disaster. Sleep would have either been permanent or extinct. If the machine was that noisy, then anything was possible.

But as the seconds went by, the snoring persisted. The buzzing became second nature, reverting to the soothing harmony that usually occupied her sewing sessions. Leni gasped as she tried to calm herself down. The noise didn't wake Lori and it gave her more time to pursue her favorite hobby.

As the seconds turned into minutes, Leni's mind became the humming. Those self-conscious concerns melted away, yielding to an uncontrollable passion. Her hands got to work, sliding the fabric along the machine, crafting a new rainbow seam. It was a rhythm. No thought was needed, only certainty and heart. The whole world simplified with each corner she reached, leaning her closer to euphoria.

Nothing else mattered.

* * *

Lori was not a morning person. In fact, that was an understatement. Every day began with a battle to keep her eyes open, resist her blanket's cozy warmth, and trudge the cold trail to her mug. The image of that light brown mixture of cream, sugar, and coffee was vivid enough for her to smell its savory scent. She yearned for her wake up beverage.

Mentally kicking herself, Lori jerked the blanket off, holding her breath from the sudden whiplash of cool air. For the next minute, she just lied there, absorbing the new environment (her half-asleep mind stressed the importance of acclimation). Indeed, it was an excuse to try falling back asleep. It was the weekend after all. Her heavy eyelids and relaxed limbs tried coaxing her to cave into their desires, painting sleep as life fulfillment and second nature. It was tempting and Lori felt her hand being guided down that gilded path.

But just as she was about to fall asleep, her eyes slammed open. Lori remembered she wasn't the only coffee drinker in the House. If she snoozed right then, Lynn might swoop down and use the last of the Breakfast Blend (why wasn't yesterday grocery done yesterday?), leaving everyone else with French Vanilla and Hazlenut. Both of them were fine blends in their own right, whether for an afternoon sip or to compliment a delicious slice of cake. But this early in the morning, the Breakfast Blend was the only one with enough caffeine to kickstart the day (and knowing her younger sisters, they were gonna fight for its last morsel).

Fighting every instinct in her body, Lori peeled herself out of bed, determined to get what remained of that precious blend. She didn't care if the others complained when they were forced to use the weaker blends. Lori would simply tell them that being the oldest was a full-time job that required all the attentiveness and energy she could acquire; she was entitled to the Breakfast Blend for the sake of keeping the House together. It was a notion repeated so often that even she started to believe it. Lori told herself it had to be true (the alternative killed her).

As she got to her wobbly feet, her glazed eyes examined her surroundings. Small nuances such as chips in the wall and discolored spots on the carpet were invisible in the haze. But even in this gentle daze, there was one feature that jumped out to her. By the window desk, she saw Leni leaned back in her chair (that was new). Even with coffee in mind, Lori saw an opportunity. This required her input.

Making her way over there, she noticed the power light on the sewing machine was on. Rather than sighing, Lori was glad it was on. Not only was it a waste of electricity (something the Louds were notorious for doing), but it was dangerous (it was a good thing Leni was leaning back rather than bent forward). Now was Lori's moment, her time to shine.

Lori unplugged the machine, causing the light to instantly cut out. Perhaps the should have been enough; Leni would have just woken up to a powered off sewing machine. But as good as that coffee was, Lori couldn't help but wonder how her little sister would react. In her head, Leni would have continued sewing her dress until she realized that it wasn't on. And then the poor thing would have gotten confused (panicking even) for wondering how this change transpired. Leni just needed a little sign, an indicator that her big sister Lori was there to care for her.

All she needed was something simple enough for Leni to understand. Looking around, her sleepy eyes picked up the perfect sign. With her resolve developing, Lori staggered to Leni's bed and pulled off the pink blanket. She gripped the massive fabric and hauled it over to the desk. Finally (the important step), Lori wrapped the blankets around the chair, enveloping her little sister. Even in all of the contact the blanket made with her, Leni didn't move at all (not surprising Lori).

Finishing up, Lori stepped back to marvel at her work. Leni appeared so peaceful when she slept, oblivious to the benevolent hand guiding her through this maze called life. Indeed, she had done a decent job at wrapping the blanket, tucking in whatever opening she could. As if her gentle face didn't say enough, the rest of her was completely nestled in the soft pink fabric (Lori wished she could have been tucked in that way).

Lori smiled a little, knowing that her sister was now safe and comfortable.

"What would you do without me?"

The urge for coffee was the only thing nudging her away from her work. Regardless, she was appeased. The day was off to a good start. Lori smirked again before heading out, her mind shifting towards her other siblings.

* * *

When she awoke, Leni thought she was in her bed. It took her a whole minute of embracing her soft blanket and shifting her eyes to register that, in fact, she was where she last recalled.

Slipping a hand out to clear her vision, Leni was surprised that the entire ordeal had happened. It was like a single instance where she made the snap decision to get off her mattress and sew the night away. And then that surprise was replaced with fear. That got her up. Leni finagled with the blanket as her mind tried to break her arms free from the blanket's firm tucking. What if she had messed up on one of the seams? Those foggy recollections from the middle of the night must have been hiding some sort of error.

Breaking free, Leni grabbed the dress resting on the machine and examined it. Now that she was awake, it was easy to detect the subtle details expected out of a fashion designer. She followed the stitches up and down, front and back, inside out and outside in. Her paranoia fueled her search, even compelling her to re-examined spots that had been deemed acceptable.

Luckily, she couldn't find anything wrong; she had stuck to the design even as she couldn't remember the process. What a miracle, she thought.

Peering out the window, Leni saw the sun glaring in through the glass. It was time to get up.

She rose, not caring where her blanket fell and stumbled out into the hall. As she strutted across, she picked up various noises emitting from the other rooms. Leni couldn't help but wonder how late she stayed up sewing. Was it really so much that she overslept? It must have been.

Leni descended the stairs and noticed Lori on the couch, phone in hand. These days, her big sister never went too long without pulling it out. Sure, Lori was active on social media, however she preferred texting directly to those that make up her long contact list. As far as she was concerned, Lori practically had the whole school in that piece of plastic; Leni marveled at how many friends her big sister seemed to have. But there was one person Lori loved to text more than anyone (even Leni picked up on that).

"So..." Leni said teasingly. In the moment, she also decided to raise her eyebrows, "How's Bobby doing?"

Immediately, Lori's face popped to life. Her glowing eyes gazed up at her little sister.

"So he literally just sent me this pic. It's literally adorable," she said, presenting her open phone screen up. Normally, Leni wouldn't have dared peek at something so personal. Lori deserved privacy and she had no right to invade that. But here, she couldn't resist. After all, Lori was literally shoving her phone specifically at her. Perhaps in this case, a little sightseeing wouldn't hurt.

Leaning into the flashing phone screen, Leni saw a towering selfie of Bobby in a dressing room (judging by the decor, she assumed it was Moles). He had a bashful grin while he wore a loose-fitting green sweater. While not something she would use for the Fashion Show (not to mention his unkempt hair), Leni couldn't help but smile herself. Once again, Lori was right.

"Awww," Leni said, the corners her lips still tucked, "that's not just adorable. That's, like, _totes_ adorable!"

"I know, right?" Lori replied. As she pulled the phone back, her fingers swiftly tapped at the keyboard, "I'm gonna tell him to buy it."

"You tell him!"

Only a foot away, Leni thought about how funny and cute it was that her big sister had found love. What had started as buying clothes together in Junior High really blossomed over the past few years. Lori had been texting Bobby since then, mainly as "friends". In the early years of high school, Lori had insisted on that label, nothing more. But deep down, it was really just a cartoonish facade. Leni had heard from Luna and Luan how they weren't falling for those useless defenses. At first, she wanted to believe Lori's word, that they were only friends. But over time, she started to notice her big sister get more involved, talking with her "friend" more frequently. Now, even Lori stopped pretending it was anything else.

"I'm going out with him later tonight. We're going to Jean Juan's," Lori said, her voice cracking from the excitement.

"Yay!" Leni exclaimed, Ducky arms up, "I wonder if he'll get down on one knee and hold out the ring thingy."

Even though she was still smiling, Lori raised an eyebrow. Leni couldn't quite grasp why. Did she really do something wrong already?

"It's too soon for that. Maybe some day," she said as she slowly gazed down at the photo. It was soft, making Leni think she was sad. Luckily, she quickly perked her face back up, "for now, though, we're just dating."

"Oh," Leni said.

Well that cleared up a lot of other questions. Now, Leni was left standing there with nothing new to say. Since Lori's eyes had reverted to her phone, it wasn't as awkward as it could have been. Still, Leni's face warmed up as she struggled to keep the conversation going. What else could she follow up on? Despite all her thinking, nothing came to mind. And since she just woke up, she hadn't had breakfast either. Yeah, that was an excuse to get out of her. Lori would understand.

As she walked away, Leni began to think about Lori and Bobby as a couple. That could keep her busy while she prepared a smoothie. She opened the fridge and pulled out some milk. Resting the full gallon on the counter, Leni instinctively went to the fruit cabinet and pulled out a bunch of strawberries and blueberries. She then dumped it all in her blender and turned it on. Leni casually looked with disinterested eyes at the swirling mixture and hearing its light roar.

Love was an interesting thing in Leni's eyes. There was her family, who she loved more than anything. There was also Helen, who she saw as her best friend (though not like Lori with Bobby). There was even the majority of those in the school; she had a solid understanding of a lot of their names and interests, while others got jumbled around (she once went up to a guy named Donald and said "Hi _Dolan_ "). Leni liked lost of them. They were perfect, just like the rest of her family.

As for Lori and Bobby, though? That was a different, mushy type of love. It was the one Leni had seen on TV, written about in her fanfics, read countless articles about it. For her, romance was comparable to many other things. It was like the future, reading other people's minds, and meeting Rosy Cake in real life. It was little surprise to the others that she was interested in boys. Indeed, Leni wanted a boyfriend of her own, someone she could call "Boo Boo Bear". Maybe they'd go to the movies and she could make him a special sweater with his favorite things in it. They would both smile and say "I love you" until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Leni found that heartwarming and she would love to have it.

But at the same time, Leni saw the writing on the wall (it was in invisible ink, however she found it legible). She knew that no boy would ever say yes to someone like her. In her mind, her reputation had been tainted by years of being in speech therapy, sitting alone, and having unusual interests instead of forming bonds through more universal means. It's already been two years since she got out of her IEP, yet she doesn't feel different. She's just her, going through life with everything she was already comfortable with.

Leni pressed the power button, cutting the sound while leaving the smoothie to rest. She stared at the interesting purple drink as her arm reached out for a glass. Leni loved making smoothies. They were so sweet and creamy, they tasted way better than that bitter coffee her other sisters liked having each morning (she tried it once). What was wrong with having something she liked? In the moment, she just really liked the taste.

She poured it in and took a hearty sip. As usual, it was delicious. Sure, no one else used her smoothie machine, however that shouldn't matter(or at least, that's what she tried telling herself). In the moment, Leni liked the way she did things, even if they've only changed in minor ways.

* * *

And then there was school. Leni liked sitting in the front seat next to Lori (now a driver). She enjoyed seeing everything out the windshield as well as the side window; it was one fascinating sight after another. It was also nice having her big sister to talk to while she drove (Lori claimed the act was "boring"). Of course Lori wouldn't have found such a daunting task exciting when everything came to her easily.

In the back were Luna and Luan, the other two Loud students of Royal Woods High. Those two often talked amongst each other, preferring their proximity over the towering upholstery of the front seat.

Leni spent the drive thinking about the Fashion Show. Other members of the Club offered to serve as models and today they were supposed to try on her latest outfits (which were packed in the trunk). What was Carol gonna think of the blue dress she laid out? Sure it didn't look sophisticated, but it wasn't supposed to. The idea was that the dress was good enough for anyone to look in it. That made sense, right? And then there was Whitney, one of Lori's friends, who was gonna wear a special poncho that was not only practical, but fashionable as well. Whitney wouldn't mind wearing that burly garb over her shoulders. And the special dress (the one with the rainbow thread)? Out of all the models, she still hasn't decided who should wear it. There were plenty of options to choose from (Stephanie, Allison, Dana).

While they were all wonderful girls that could rock that outfit, Leni still was wrapped up in indecision. What if someone got upset that they wouldn't wear it? While that was certainly gonna be the case for any of the dresses this dress was especially unique with its rainbow-esque tapestry.

Glancing over at Lori, Leni remembered something. Lori was in the Fashion Club too. Sure, she didn't agree to be a model, but maybe Leni could change that with a little pep talk. Maybe once she gets her alone so that she can truly absorb all of the vibrant colors and nuanced stitches that Lori would agree to adorn it for the event. Of course, that only remained a narrow possibility.

 _"What about Helen?"_

Helen. She hadn't thought about her fellow friend. Despite her best recruiting efforts, Leni couldn't get Helen to join the Fashion Club. When she asked her why, the girl tensed up and pensively shrugged. Leni figured that such an opportunity could encourage her friend to step up. She saw Helen standing on that stage, wearing the dress as the spotlights reflected upon it. Hundreds of people would be cheering for her, admiring her all in the name of a good cause.

Maybe that was her mission for the day. The only obstacle now is getting to the point in time.

Vanzilla rolled into the assigned parking spot and everyone got out. Each of the girls gave their farewells before each going off in their own directions. There was a special side door that Leni always liked to enter. It was a hike from the assigned parking spot, however such walking gave her more time to herself, to to continue that ongoing conversation with herself. In her head, she imagined Helen in front of her and she worked through her pitch. Wording was tough. Persuasion was an art Leni never got good at (she admired Lori for her gift in that department).

In addition to the walk, her preferred entrance led to a relatively secluded part of the school, where few students roamed in the morning. One of those few was Helen, who opted to hang out in a special corner waiting for her friend to come along. Leni smiled as she made her way down the familiar hall, eager to be reacquainted with Helen. On her way down, though, she noticed a boy emerge from one of the classrooms. Judging by that buzzed black hair, blue dress shirt, and round face, Leni had a sense of who he was. He was a face she had seen a lot in her classes. It was only polite to greet him.

"Hi _Dolan_!" she said, raising a stiff arm up. And just like that, the gesture got the boy to stop in front of her. Leni decided to slow her pace as well to take it all in. This had to be her chance.

"Oh, it's Donald," he said clumsily, his lips struggling to keep up.

Leni blushed. How could this have happened? This was a kid she saw every day, his face and name. But even with her mind trying to resolve the embarrassment, Donald remained standing there. Why was he looking at her like that?

"Oh...sorry, Donald. It's nice to see you Donald," Leni said, forcing a grin. She even chuckled a little in order to make it appear more natural. Although his face lightened up a little, it wasn't the 180 she was hoping for.

"You too, Leni."

And like that, he walked off without saying another word. Leni couldn't help but keep her feet planted and watch her fellow classmate walk off. She tried to piece together what he was thinking at that moment. Was he mad? Annoyed? Now that she put herself out there, Donald was probably gonna tell his friends all about his little encounter. She didn't want to be there for that hypothetical conversation. She blotted out the precise words they would have said, but their faces were live with mockery. Mixed with laughter and quiet contempt.

But even with that, Leni refocused. That was only a practice run, she told herself. Maybe there was a slight chance that someone other than herself can make a mistake from time to time. Perhaps it was gonna be alright. Leni needed all the confidence she needed to get through this. Helen needed this in order to put herself out there.

Lifting her feet off the ground, Leni continued her walk. Soon enough, she was around the corner and there was only one person sitting there in that tiny corridor.

"Hi Leni!" she heard.

Helen's face had transformed with the snap of a finger (even though she hadn't done that). Her jaw had dropped to form a cheerful grin. She even nudged herself over to give her friend a little extra space.

Leni took a deep breath, a relief from that minor episode. Maybe she was the one that needed the talk more than Helen did. There was plenty of time before the morning bell. She loved getting there early. But now it wasn't about her own feelings. It was time to get to the root of Helen's.

"Hey!" Leni replied as she made her way over and took a seat, "You'll never believe what I have for you!"


	37. Fashion Show

For a Detroit suburb with over fifty thousand residents, Royal Woods didn't have much space in its borders for a grand venue. Most of the community was packed with modest homes and businesses. Around town, there were only two places big enough to host an event of this scale. One of them was the Mall, which had a giant function hall. Leni wouldn't have minded that arrangement and neither would the public, given how the hall had previously hosted SMOOCH when they were in town. Unfortunately, one figure that did have a complaint was the Fashion Club's budget; such a high-profile venue wasn't gonna open up to just any sideshow that expressed interest. This left the Club with one other place, the High School auditorium.

It was by no means a bad place. The giant space could seat at least a thousand people, not to mention the sound and lighting that came along with it. For Leni, it was fine (even if it wasn't the Mall).

Leni stood behind a tall red curtain off stage left. Through the veil, she heard a sea of people chatting about whatever it was they found worthy. From its magnitude, it appeared to be a good turnout. So many people for something like this.

To pass the time before the Show, her head leaned up, allowing her eyes to see all the way to the top, where the curtain connected to a metal hook along a vast horizontal bar traversing the stage. Of course, the main thing that caught her attention was the shade. Just by looking at it, Leni could tell that the curtain's scarlet material had seen better days, ones where its color was bold enough to pop even to the poor soul stuck in the back seat. Years of suffocating dust, blinding spotlight, and dank darkness had left the curtain with a faded carmine.

Seeing that muted shade fascinated her. Leni had little problem with a muted shade of red (the dress she adorned was a subtle crimson, leaning towards pink), but it was a shame that it had to get to the point by decay, a fall from something bolder. The process itself must have been so slow that no one stopped to notice until looking back.

"Are you ready to get started?"

Leni flinched. The elderly voice made her jump out of her skin, causing her to briefly forget her train of thought. It took three seconds to register who it was. And by then, she was more than comfortable to answer.

"Yup," she replied.

Mrs. Barnes was still only at the Junior High, but Leni knew she wanted her on board for this event. The teacher had been a beam of light, reflecting its glow on her undeserving soul. To not have included her would have been an insult. Indeed, Mrs. Barnes gently smiled at her former student.

After that simple affirmation, Mrs. Barnes strolled beyond the curtain, revealing herself to the awaiting audience.

"Thank you all for coming out to the Royal Woods High Fashion Show," Leni heard her say. The plan was for Mrs. Barnes to use a microphone and Leni envisioned that very event transpiring, even though she couldn't see it herself, "In addition to ticket sales, we are holding a donation bin in the lobby. I strongly urge you to pitch in whatever you can during the evening. All proceeds will go to Bartholomew's Helpers, a school that specializes in giving students with learning disabilities the support and education they need to live successful, fulfilling lives."

To Leni, no one could have said it better. That sweet voice felt moving enough that everyone could have been listening to their favorite role model. Indeed, the audience (which had hushed itself) applauded heartily at the end of the address. With her introduction complete, Mrs. Barnes moved off stage with a heightened demeanor. Leni noticed that her aging face had been animated from the crowd's affirmation. That had to tell her something, that this event was for a decent purpose.

As Mrs. Barnes stood beside her, Leni watched as the model came out. She recalled that Carol crafted that one. After all, none of the other seamstresses would have had such a fondness for blue (the light shade that herself and Lori tended to wear). Leni liked the work. The blue silk was sprinkled with sequins, creating hundreds of sparkling stars to glitter across the stage. It was a magnificent display.

* * *

 _"Yeah? What is it?" Helen asked._

 _Not wanting to hesitate, Leni launched her bag from her back and flew open the zipper. As she expected, the dress remained neatly folded in the large pulled it out and presented the outfit in full, making sure all the colors were visible._

 _"Ta da!" Leni declared proudly. Even as the dress hung like a flag, she shook it in an attempt to make the fabric flourish. After a morning in the dark backpack, the outfit needed both light and motion to wake up its brilliance._

 _"Wow. It's so pretty," Helen said, her muted tone conveying all the enthusiasm Leni needed. Hearing that lift in her friend's voice made all the difference, "I like it."_

 _"Thanks," Leni replied, "but I didn't bring it just for showsies!"_

 _"Oh."_

 _"I think you would look great wearing it. How about being a wearer at the Fashion Show?" Leni asked. She meant it. By that point, she couldn't believed there was a time where she couldn't see her friend wearing that specific dress. To her, all the colors would have complimented her, from her fantastic hair to her perfect form. And what better way to make her friend feel good about herself; she was convinced that the house would come down once everyone saw how beautiful Helen was (though she had hoped no one would get hurt from falling debris)._

 _Helen, though, didn't undergo the necessary transformation. Her eyes widened and her hands pulled in towards her stomach._

 _"Are you sure?" she asked softly._

 _"Yeah!" Leni shot back enthusiastically. With all her might, she wanted her friend to understand the sentiment was sincere. She would never do it if she thought others would laugh at her (so far as she could tell). All Helen needed was a little convincing, she told herself._

 _"Oh," she said, her eyes slipping away. They opted to rest on the opposite wall, more specifically at a classroom or a locker. Leni didn't want to take attention from her friend in her hour of need._

 _"What's wrong?" Leni asked, her smiling vanishing by the second._

 _Helen didn't move. From this distance, Leni could see that her throat contained an obstructing lump filled with letters, writing marks, and restrained emotions. What was her friend trying to hide?_

 _"I don't know if I can do it."_

* * *

It wasn't until the third model that one of her own creations was unveiled. It was inspired by her everyday attire, where turquoise ran supreme. That color ran all the way down to Paula's feet. Leni thought it was a miracle that she got one of Carol's friends to wear something of her's over the former's. It wasn't even that there was a shortage of dresses on Carol's part. It was only now, seeing pretty Paula sport that plump outfit that Leni had even considered the oddity. She made a note to talk with Paula sometime later on the matter.

Until then, Leni preferred to watch the show, seeing each smiling face being celebrated, showering in fame (an invisible spray that kept everyone dry). As if the designs alone didn't do the trick, the lighting escalated each outfit to a whole new level; bold shades popped, subtle hues lightened, assertive shapes were chiseled with the black backdrop. She was left to wonder how her own dress would look propped up against the stage.

Occasionally, usually between each run, Leni gazed down at the flash cards she had prepared for herself. Even with the glaring light reflecting just several feet away, it was difficult to read her own handwriting in the natural shade. She did what she could (tilting the cards to catch some of the Rays and squinting her eyes) to be able to process each of her loopy, simple words. The speech itself was alright, the best she could have produced on her own. Now it was a matter of waiting (and enjoying the show).

The following slew of models alternated between dresses of various creators. Even knowing multiple seamstresses were involved, Leni was baffled by how outfits had been crafted specifically for this event (a few suits also had to be made to accommodate some boy models). The program quickly fell back into a routine. A model emerged off stage right with the biggest smile they could produce, the audience roared into applause as she they slowing strutted along the wood floor, and eventually made their way off stage left.

Leni personally found it to be a great feat that so many people possessed that courage to come out on stage. Just imagining herself out there in front of all those hungry spectators was enough to make her heart flourish (even knowing that she was wearing presentable attire). It was never in her nature to go out and speak before big crowds, bogging them down with verbal tangents (and too many "likes" to be endearing). And knowing her friend, it also would have scared Helen.

* * *

 _"Come on! You're, like, the bestest person I know. Everyone will love you!"_

 _All she got was a nervous groan. Helen's lips were puckered in, stretched out like a line. Leni understood that her friend didn't have much experience out on the stage or in front of crowds. But wasn't that only because she didn't have the chance? A simple nudge on a public platform was all that was needed to get the thrill of a lifetime. Maybe it was like one of those things from TV where someone had stage fright and they just needed a little encouragement to get over their fear._

 _Yes, Leni told herself. That had to have been it._

 _"You're so strong, Helen, that everyone will want to be your friend once they see you," Leni said, renewing her smile. Her eyes developed a laser focus on her friend in need. For that moment, she recognized that she couldn't let her habit interfere with her ability to connect, to really show her friend that she got it, "and if it'll make you feel better, I'll, like, walk out with you. That way, you, like, don't have to be by yourself if you don't wanna."_

 _While she spoke, Helen's tense face remained frozen. Leni had hoped that was a good sign, that her friend was at least taking the time to consider her point of view (her offer). But even in the seconds after finishing, all she could see was that long bunched up face, mixed with those eyes. Those pinpoint pupils bore the sight of something dreaded, the heightened ears sensed ridicule from a mile away. Leni wished she could see what Helen was seeing and hear what she heard. All so that she could get down to it, so she could go up to whatever meanies lurked in her mind and say no._

 _But Leni didn't know of any such power. All she was left with was that face, clues that left her to gauge the damage and develop her own remedy. It wasn't a skill she was used to, but she was sure as heck gonna try._

 _"Helen," she said, lowering her voice. It sounded different, softer than usual. This wasn't like when she accidentally spoke too low for anyone to hear. This was a real effort to provide relief, to open herself up (anything other than a request to repeat herself), "please tell me what's going on."_

 _That did produce a change. Helen's face relaxed a little and her mouth shifted. Maybe at the very least she could get an explanation (one that had been denied to her for some time)._

 _"What do you mean?" Helen asked innocently._

 _"Is there something wrong?" Leni asked concerned, "is there, like, something that makes you not wanna go out on stage?"_

* * *

The acts continued as planned. Taped to the wall backstage was a list of all the acts going in order. After one of them finished, Leni made the short walk to it to check it out. For all the applause each person got, the Show chugged along the list at a strikingly fast pace. Eventually, the parts where she had to participate would arrive.

For all that talk of encouragement, Leni had neglected to consider her own feelings of the situation. She herself got nervous at the idea of going out on stage. Even with a whole night of silence to try and figure out a reason, she couldn't piece it together (it was almost as hard as that puzzle she got herself).

Maybe there were more distractions than she thought, she tried telling herself. As the next person (name not on the top of her mind) passed by, Leni's ears stretched out. She felt their pulling and the instant influx of sound barreling in. The applause was noisy, indeed. Then, she squinted her eyes. Were the lights always that garish? In tandem, it created quite the distraction.

Yeah. That had to be it. She may have only thought of it now, but this event was quite the spectacle. Surely, no one could have blamed her for getting wrapped up in the moment. In fact, it was strange that she was even still thinking about all this when there were more amazing outfits to be shown. It felt rude to not pay attention.

And what a time to tune in, as she recognized the next act was the rainbow dress, the one she went through unusual circumstances to make and get out there.

* * *

 _She was really hoping for an answer. Now was a great opportunity to have a meaningful discussion. In all their mornings of gathering here, few people ever walked by (and she didn't pay much mind to those who did). Besides, it wasn't like Leni was trying to humiliate her friend. What was wrong with a little learning, a little encouragement?_

 _From what she could tell, though, there was a lot more to it. While she was still standing using her pedestal to present the material goal, Helen was cramped. Her body was so crunched against the wall that it looked like it was gonna collapse upon itself. Her soul, usually relaxed, couldn't help keep herself together._

 _It was a long time before either heard a word from each other, however Leni was starting to get an idea of what was happening. Her own face couldn't help but deflate as she came to terms with her friend's discomfort. She was the one who had done this. It was she that took an eager Helen's hope for a happy morning and twisted it just for some dress. It was like a planned attack, how those mean army guys liked to draw up where everyone should go long before they actually do it for real._

 _Leni hated being a meanie. It was a horrible name given to those that were selfish and disrespectful. Being nice was better. In fact, it was better than even that. At this point, she realized it was a necessity to not be mean and hurt others (especially those she was close to). After hundreds of apologies laid out ten years ago, Leni still felt like she hadn't made it up to Mrs. Rowzanski for that one day where she let her "mindlessness" get the better of her._

 _All she had to do was not be mindless. And even now, she still couldn't get that right. Behold, what that had yielded._

 _It was only eventually that Helen worked up the courage to show her face. Luckily, there were no tears. But it remained a complicated mess. Red was sprinkled across her cheeks, the corners of her lips were puckered like lemons, and her eyes spoke only of desperation. The pang Leni got in her chest was the least punishment her friend could give._

 _"I dunno," was all she said. It was low, but the message was delivered_.

* * *

At last, there it was. The preceding acts could not have prepared her for how stunning the rainbow dress appeared with all the lights. The gold shimmered, the purple penetrated the eye, and the seams were an exotic hue that complimented the scheme, characterized it.

"Here I am," Leni imagined the dress speaking, as if it were expounding its magnificent story to the audience, "I work hard even with what I was given. I am full. I like me."

She found herself smiling. While she was glad with the other outfits (both from her and the other designers), this one dress spoke to her. It was only now with the applause, the enhancement, and the perspective that allowed her to realize why this one dress had taken up so much of her time. Leni saw some reason behind the color choices (aside from they look good). That thread that she scavenged for felt like her (what she thoufht she could become). In that moment, it did make her feel complete.

And it was all thanks to Lori.

Even then, it still was mind boggling how easy it was to convince her big sister to step up to the occasion. Leni had barely finished asking the question when Lori just blurted out "Yes". No pressing, no contemplation, no deals. Lori was gonna be the model no questions asked.

Leni watched as her big sister waved to the audience, carrying out a healthy grin (she must have been glad she no longer wore those dreaded braces). And the crowd ate it up. It appeared like a win-win for both of them.

But was it? Yes, Lori did get her own round of applause, hundreds of people cheering just at her, for her. And her big sister looked happy to bask in all that attention, much like she appeared happy when she babysat. However, Leni didn't forget what was required for all this to be possible. She had to go to her big sister and ask her for something. What was she gonna get in return?

Whenever that question reared its ugly head, Leni tried to formulate an answer to spare herself of that humiliation. Certainly she had done something. Ever since Lori got her driver's license, the give and take game became much more two-sided; Lori drove her to the Mall and in return she did a chore for her. Sometimes those reminders worked, to ease her mind of the "unfairness" she inflicted on others.

But this had nothing to do with driving. All she was doing now was excuse making, assigning dues in places where they didn't belong. And that was always unfair to Lori. Leni grappled with the fact that she had _begged_ her sister to do something where Lori apparently had nothing to gain. Leni had no money to pay her, no place to drive her to, advice to reveal, or people to introduce. She exhaled through her mouth as she reluctantly awaited Lori's exit off stage.

It couldn't have come soon enough. Lori carefully walked past the dimly lit wing, maneuvering her way around Leni. The spotlight residue illuminated the beads of sweat that had accumulated on Lori's face. Was it that hot on stage? And yet, she was still grinning.

Leni yielded, allowing her sister to slip by. No words were exchanged between them. Perhaps it was to allow the show to go on. Or it was a silent admiration for how much Lori owned that dress. Or Leni was just crafting more excuses. Either way, it was only after her sister vanished that Leni felt a tinge warm up, the urge to speak up. There wa so much she wanted to say to Lori. "Thank you. How can I repay you?"

Leni yearned to repay her sister, even if she never said anything about it. The way Leni saw it, the deal was a silent one. Lori must have felt it was fundamental enough to go without words. And if she couldn't pick it up, then that was gonna fall on her. And her alone.

From then on, the rest of the acts moved swiftly. It was as if the other models knew they couldn't top off that elaborate dress, so they brushed along to get the audience out of there. It wasn't like there was gonna be much now that her big sister had dominated the show (the way Leni saw it). Maybe that dress should have been the grand finale, Leni told herself as the acts transpired. Sure, she had made some of the dresses that came in the ensuing leg and sure, some of the models were on earlier in the evening. But that failure to plan accordingly didn't feel very good. All she could have done was shuffle those flash cards in her hands, not thinking about whether they would wind up out of order.

Alexis was the last model to cross the stage, this time in an orange glittery dress. Leni watched as her hands finished their sorting. She glanced down to insure that the cards had been returned to their proper assortment; the least these people deserved was a coherent speech. Once she made sure that was all set, Leni glanced back up to see Alexis quickly exiting off stage left.

Leni felt a nudge on her shoulder. Startled, she turned and saw Mrs. Barnes offering her a piece of paper. It was considerably larger than the flash cards, however Leni understood it was meant to arrive. But what surprised her the most was the teacher's smile. It was large and sincere. Even in the limited light, the two came to a realization. She graciously accepted the paper and turned back to the stage.

The next point in the program was clear. The audience understood it from their programs and everyone in the Fashion Club knew the routine. Now with the silence before her, Leni knew what she had to do as well.

Finding it in her, Leni stepped out of the dark wing and into the spotlight. Her eyes widened, fighting the urge to focus on any individual in the crowd (she didn't even know where her family was seated). The podium rested on the edge of the stage, dangerously close to the first row of spectators. As she made the unbearable walk, the temptation grew. A powerful voice in her told her no, to look at the back wall (secluded and tucked far away). Of course, she still needed to be able to read her cards. It was one challenge after another manifesting themselves before a live audience.

What she needed was a breath. Two, in fact. They happened slowly and deliberately. Hopefully, she thought, the audience would understand. Public speaking wasn't easy for anyone, even for the biggest stars out there. That extra time was enough to ease her nerves, give her the resolve she needed to start.

"Thank you for being so good to us tonight," she said, reading off the flash card, "My name is Leni Loud and I'm the 'prez-a-dent' of the Royal Woods High Fashion Club."

Leni gazed up at the audience as she switched to the next card. She knew it wasn't good form to sound stilted, but she couldn't help it. She didn't talk like this. Her speech was too full of filler that didn't belong in other people's ears; their patience was too short to hear her ramble like her normal self.

"Helping others is something that means a lot to me," she read, her eyes refusing to leave the writing, "that's why all the money is going to 'Bar-thaw-low-mews Helpers' because the kids there need our help," she said as she flipped to the next card, "These kids have a hard time doing things like talking, learning, making friends, and all sorts of stuff."

She paused to contemplate her own fate as memories of her own experience came to mind. Was she really in the same group she sought to help? Sure, others came into her life to make sure she acquired those skills (fantastic, unbelievable, perfect people). Leni had no doubt that once these saviors came to the school with their miracle tools that those kids would be rescued and rise to become far greater people than she could imagine. Maybe by doing this act of charity, she could at least gain a sliver of that honor.

"But these kids need us. They need to be loved and cared for," she read on, "to be shown that others believe in them. But another thing I learned is that these important things need one other thing to turn their lives around. They need money from us so that their school can pay for special teachers to come in and teach them them how to do stuff. They need money so that their school can buy books and computers and tablets that talk when you type stuff into them."

Leni found herself looking at the audience again. Perhaps this switch demanded a bit more than a blurry stare. Her eyes found themselves narrowing in, being able to discern individual faces. Who knew that the spotlight could be traced that far out. For the most part, they were strangers, people that couldn't cause her much worry. It was okay.

But then as her eyes wandered even more, Leni found an entire row of seats occupied by her family. Who knew that nine siblings and two parents could have taken up so much space. And yet the ones that gave her all these feelings only made up a small portion of the auditorium. Leni didn't like getting confused like that. Why couldn't things always appear the same? Still, when she saw their attentive faces, a stone entered her stomach. Her eyes did their best to avoid that specific spot, lest she lose focus.

"All of us in the Fashion Club," she continued, thinking about the others, "worked really hard making the dresses and they worked up a lot of 'curr-edge' to dress up and come out on stage. I want to thank them for all they have done to make tonight good."

As she shifted to the full piece of paper, Leni heard some applause. It was affirming hearing that everyone appreciated all the work her colleagues did (especially Lori). They were clapping for them, regardless of where they were in the building. And that was all Leni needed at that moment.

The applause continued as Leni glanced at the figure on the paper. She hadn't checked it before coming out, but that smile's message was clear now. Mrs. Barnes was always honest and encouraging, especially when the moment called for it. It was startling to see how positive the number was. She smiled, not even thinking about whether anyone could see it.

"And I am proud to say that you have raised $2,452 for the kids at Bartholomew's Helpers. Thank you all for your goodness," she said.

The cheering became amplified. That affirmation reminded Leni that she didn't truly understand the weight of that number. With each person clapping and whistling, Leni became happier. She realized that only a crowd of this size could have yielded so much money in a single evening. That smile grew.

"Thank you," she said under her breath.

Having finished her address, Leni collected her notes and moved off stage. She saw Mrs. Barnes awaiting her with that everlasting grin. And then, she did something she never thought she'd do with a teacher again. Leni approached Mrs. Barnes and embraced her. It was an impulse, the result of overflowing emotion.

The joy (satisfaction) racing through her veins left her body out of her control. Leni wanted to hug, she wanted to sing her gratitude for giving her this chance. There was so much left undone that she wanted to tackle it in one move. Pictures of love, fulfillment, her family, those clothes she made all blended into one tapestry superimposing each other. Everything from her arms to her legs wanted to do something, push her closer to showing everyone she cares about that the success made her validated.

"Leni," Mrs. Barnes said, chuckling, "you keep whispering to yourself. What are you saying?"

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Leni exclaimed. It was as if her teacher knew exactly what was on her mind.

"You're welcome. You were wonderful out there," Mrs. Barnes said.

Now it was Leni's turn to laugh. The girl giggled as more words accumulated for her to say. At that moment, there was nothing she could have done to relieve herself.

"What's so funny?" Mrs. Barnes asked gently.

Was that even a question, Leni asked herself. The truth (or at least the one she saw) was so obvious, there was no way Mrs. Barnes actually meant it. Some of her siblings had a special name for those type of questions, something beginning with an 'r'.

" _You_ were wonderful! None of this could have happened without you," Leni said.

The two gave each other some more smiles, affirmation of each other's hard work. The soft roar of the audience was the background, masking any murmurs Leni had at that moment. Almost everything had gone perfectly. Leni couldn't have complained for such a fantastic evening.

Of course, Leni remembered her big sister. If she didn't meet up with Lori in the band room, she would have gotten mad (and that's the last thing her big sister needed).

She happily said farewell to her teacher before making her way to the hallway. Groups of models were chatting as she they made their way towards to the lobby. Leni approached the open doors to the band room. As expected, it was a raucous space where the conversations reverberated off the sounding panels. Her eyes wandered, scanning amongst the sea of students for her beloved big sister and her unique dress.

Even for Leni, that wasn't hard. Lori was tucked in the back chatting away with several of her friends (one of them being Carol). Those two in particularly were cheerful, traces excitement and spotlight still fresh on their faces. Leni grinned as she made her way through the band room, sliding across several conversing groups to make her way to her big sister, the one who made that dress the success it was. There was much to be said.

"Hi!" Leni said as she reached the group. The pack of girls turned to see the blonde and her pinkish dress. All of them appeared easy-going and broke out in a cacophony of greetings (they all knew her name). But the two reactions Leni paid attention were that of Carol and Lori. Both of them were thrilled, "Great job everyone," Leni added, insuring that all of them were included.

As each of them thanked her, Leni noticed her big sister say something to Carol. Sure they were both smiling the whole time, but the noise was too garbled for her to make out any words.

"Well it was nice chatting with you all," Lori said cheerfully. She even threw up her arms to display her energy, "I'll see you all on Monday."

Her big sister nudged her way through to circle towards her. All Leni did was wave her hand as she felt an invisible force guide her along with her departing sister. She briefly contemplated if there was something wrong with her sister, if there was a fight or a concern that she was unaware of. Lori sometimes had a tendency of acting weird to hide certain things she didn't want others to know (as if pretending there was nothing wrong was merely enough to discount it). But now wasn't the time to bring that up. Tonight had been a fantastic night. Did Leni honestly want to ruin it just to gain some "knowledge"? And what if she was wrong and she had just misread the gesture.

 _"Just shut up and move along."_

"You were great tonight," Leni said once they were in the hallway. A compliment seemed like a decent way to jumpstart a talk.

"Thanks," Lori replied, smiling. A grin was a good sign, one that eased more fears than raised. She then gazed down at the dress, "it was fun getting to wear this. It's so unique!"

Leni simply nodded as they proceeded. It was a courteous thing for her big sister to say, a filler line that minimized the silence of their walk. No more was needed because shortly after, they entered the even noisier lobby.

Hundreds of people (parents, family members, friends, teachers, and strangers) were packed in the room which bore a low ceiling and lights that were dim and yellow compared to those in the auditorium. Leni tensed up, nervous that she would never reunite with her family in this forest crammed with trees. It was a good thing Lori was there to guide the way. Indeed, Lori grabbed Leni's hand and pulled her through the crowd.

As she nudged through each path, Leni's ears rang with a mixture of white noise and half-sentences. Occasionally, she made out a "Congratulations!" or a "Good job" and she tried to thank them as she quickly got pulled past them. There was no way she was gonna ignore the compliments she could discern. Leni did feel guilty if she felt someone couldn't hear her thanks in her quick stride past them. Lori was relentless in her mission to find the Louds.

Leni did her best to keep her eyes forward, alert of the path she was headed. It helped to see which people she would be able to hear next. For the most part, it was people that she wasn't too familiar with, granting her courtesies for her participation in the ceremony. She was glad that they were so kind to her even as she was being dragged along at a breakneck pace. However, her eyes quickly became attached to one person she was passing by.

There was no denying it. Alongside her right side was Helen and her two parents. Leni's eyes widened and her chest twisted. This was really happening. She got to see her friend after all, even if she couldn't find her on stage or in the auditorium. Helen had shown up despite the awkwardness that had ensued. And she was smiling, the ultimate marker of relief. As if Lori wasn't enough, Leni wanted to espouse her appreciation to her best friend as well, to tell her how much it meant for her to show up to this event. Perhaps she could have apologized for making her so uncomfortable (even though she had already done it both at lunch time and through text). A third time couldn't hurt.

Unfortunately, that long deliberative conversation didn't get to happen.

"Hi Helen! How are you?" Leni shouted rapidly as she was pulled along. Before she could have gotten an answer, Helen was already out of earshot. Leni's mind immediately refilled with worries. Did Helen catch what Lori was doing to her? Would she have understood why she couldn't have stopped for a meaningful talk? Helen must have caught it and she must have understood. They would clear it off with a text followed by a comment on how crazy Lori was. Right?

Just as the night was winding down, another blast hit her. It was the intimate chants of her family, who were pressed up against the back wall. All of them broke out into cheers. Lynn Sr. was the first to reach Leni, wrapping her into an intense, fatherly hug. From the corner of her eye, Leni caught Mom doing the same to Lori. The adulation song her siblings blocked out the general chorus of the crowd. In some ways, it was nice to hear things that could have been seen as positive. Leni even felt some tugs against her dress, most likely from the younger sisters.

It was a weird sensation being around her family. They kept using her name, asking _Leni_ how she pulled it off, how _Leni_ made all those dresses, how _Leni_ was so kind and giving. Occasionally, she heard someone throw in Lori's name, but it was unusual. Lori was the one who took the trouble of acting as a model on a last minute notice. And that was on top of everything else she did, from applying to fancy schools to babysitting to being a really cool big sister. Why was "Leni" the word of the night for these people, these perfect people?

But this voice was suppressed by the fuzzy feeling of a person's warmth. Hugs and touching felt nice, even if it wasn't deserved. Even as she was asking these questions to herself, Leni remained smiling, eagerly answering all of her little sisters' questions about her dress. Attention was magical. Their smiles and high-pitched cheers were contagious, as was their laughter.

She joined in on it. Tonight was a night where she smiled and it felt nice. It would all come together somehow, some way. But for now, happiness was all that should matter.


	38. Miss Hazy

The ride home carried much of the fervor the main lobby had. Lori and Leni were bunched together in the second row of Vanzilla while the others surrounded them with a mixture of their own conversations and questions.

"Leni! Can you make me a dress this pretty?" Lola asked peering over the cushion. Her voice blasted into her ear, startling her. And yet, she kept smiling.

"Sure," Leni said eagerly, "What do you want?"

"I want it to be really big," her little sister said, extending her arms, "You know, one of those dresses that drags along the floor when you walk around. And I want it to be pink! Really, really pink! And soft!"

It was quite the load. Leni tried to determine how much material would be needed to make such an outfit. In a body as short as Lola's, the dragging part shouldn't be too bad. But it wasn't gonna be a walk in the part either. Still, Lola's enthusiasm sold her on that effort. Yes, Leni told herself, she was gonna make it work somehow.

"I think Lynn would like a dress too," she heard Lucy say. It was the same gravely voice as ever, but when she turned out, that wasn't the face Leni saw. Lucy wasn't one to smile much, however she carried a small (but noticeable) mischievous grin. Who ever thought that Lucy could have a sense of humor.

"Hey!" Lynn exclaimed, jerking her head towards her roommate. After casting her a pride-fueled glare, she looked at Leni, "Don't listen to her. She's trying to cause trouble."

"Okay," Leni said softly. Well, if Lynn didn't want one, then that's what it was gonna be. It was for the best anyway; Lynn was never a "sissy".

"What about my order?" Luan interjected. The poor girl was stuffed all the way in the back, forcing her to project, "you still haven't a- _dress_ -ed mine!"

Leni became surrounded by groans. For some time now, this had become the new reaction for Luan's jokes. There were a few times where Leni had started laughing when hearing them, only to be embarrassed when no one else joined her. That became the new response and Leni had to accept it. Now wasn't any different, so Leni joined the others in the groaning.

Once it subsided, Luan (fortunately unscathed) leaned forward in her seat.

"I will be needed a dress for a gig I have next week," she said, "there's a new act I wanna try out and nothing in my wardrobe will make it work."

"Okay!" Leni chirped up. If it meant making her little sister happy, it was more than worth it.

"Hey Lori," Lola shouted, doing her best to transmit her voice over. With lungs like her's, though, that wasn't very hard, "when I get big enough, can I have that dress?"

Lori turned to Leni. The two of them understood the agreement they and the Club made. Lola did get greedy at times, but their eye contact was enough for them to recognize that such desires couldn't win. However, Lori was the one to break the contact and face Lola.

"No," Lori said frankly, "this dress and all the others are gonna be sold off. And the money we make from them is going right to Bartholomew's Helpers."

"What!" she exclaimed, the smile evaporating, "but it's so pretty! And that school has enough money! I want it!"

Leni felt uneasy watching her big sister take the brunt of the blow. Lola could be quite persistent at times, especially when she comes across something pretty. After a night of stage crossing and posing, this was the last thing Lori needed, not to mention all the unfinished business she probably needed attending to. Leni, though, had little on her own plate. What was wrong with taking a little responsibility.

"If you want, I can make you a dress that looks just like it," she jumped in, hoping it would be enough to appease her little sister.

"No! I want this one!" Lola protested, gripping the cushion even more. Leni recoiled, propping up her Ducky arms. It was exactly as she feared; Lola was mad at _her_. Why couldn't Lola be more reasonable? No, that was the wrong question to ask. The right one, Leni concluded, was how to make her happy again.

There was no way the dress could be given to her for free. Leni and the Club specifically established that all outfits from the Show were to be sold for monetary donations. It was a tough pickle (one that left a yucky taste in her mouth). But each second wasted was another moment of Lola in distress. That wicked face, threatening to strike at any moment made her tremble.

"Why don't I buy the dress?" Lori suggested. Suddenly, both of them turned to their oldest sister, whose face spoke of the tranquil authority they were used to, "As long as I pay for it, there's nothing stopping me from buying the dress."

"Really?" Lola said, her eyes widening.

"Sure," Lori replied, "but you're gonna have to do my laundry for the next week!"

By then, Lola's face had transformed to one of amazement. Those eyes of her (capable of virtually any expression or ends she wished to attain) sparkled like the brightest, twinkle-est stars in the night sky.

"If it means getting to wear that, then you got a deal," she said lightly.

And just like that, the hurricane had been averted. Lola giddily slid back to her seat while Leni watched in complacency. Lori, her big sister, had done it again. Though by judging the girl, one would not have known that. Lori's face had glazed over with boredom as she pulled out her phone. This was the temperament of a mover and shaker? She seemed so apathetic to the great deed she had done that it captured Leni's mind. Didn't her sister feel even a little pride from making Lola happy?

The rest of the drive was without note. Without anything else to do, Leni gazed out the window. Franklin Avenue was so peaceful at night that few people were seen wandering the sidewalk. Occasionally, another car strolled by, but her eyes were mainly drawn to the house and street lights that illuminated the neighborhood. Leni wondered what it would be like to take a walk outside during this time. In many ways, it'd be like lying in bed. She cherished that isolation, that space to process all the wild thoughts that whizzed by, whether they were rehashes of her _Princess Pony_ headcanon or new ideas for outfit designs. All that time without others intruding would be bliss.

The first few minutes after arriving home were also a blur. Get undressed, wait for the bathroom, brush teeth, and lie down. Even with the elaborate dress she was wearing, Leni easily slipped it off and placed it with the laundry.

Reuniting with her bed was even easier. Her back eased itself as it sunk into the cushy mattress. The wave of relief was euphoric. The sight of the ceiling, however simple it was, was more than satisfying enough. It felt like a great end to a productive day. And now was her chance to decompress, to remind herself of it all. That was always what she liked to do to embrace the rewards of her hard work.

The applause sounded nice, especially with her mind's amplification system. It was a soft, yet poignant roar, much like the wind on a breezy night. Everyone smiled, which must have meant they were happy. Even Lori appeared glad to have soaked in some sunlight.

How could she have pulled this all off? Lori was the answer, of course. As comforting as it is to relish in her own successes, Leni found a comparable sensation from giving credit to others (and who else to give it to). Sure, Leni had to clean her side of the closet, but Lori was willing to pull through. All for her.

Leni shifted herself towards the window to get a glimpse of Lori's bed. Sure enough, her big sister sat on her bed typing away on her phone. Perhaps that was her form of celebration, by confiding in Bobby. It wasn't a bad one by any means, even if some of the reflection made it silly. The Lori of ten years ago would have gagged to see this. Leni still remembered how her big sister was disgusted when that girl on a show she liked (the names have slipped from her memory) started dating. But now, lo and behold!

But in any case, Leni loved her sister. And Bobby was very nice too, so that was a double bonus in her eyes. So if Lori was happy, that was good. She deserved to be happy, just as she too deserved to rest after a long day.

Leni closed her eyes, hoping those were the only thoughts guiding her to sleep.

* * *

The bell couldn't have rung sooner. History class was confusing. The teacher spoke too quickly and touched on too many points for Leni to grasp. The only accomplishment she could cite was that she appeared normal; she didn't freak out nor did she spend too long looking out the window (a terrible habit that couldn't stay inside Vanzilla). On the other hand, that would have meant more time reading the textbook to catch up (or asking Lisa for help).

Everyone put their things away and collected themselves (which often meant conversations left and right). Leni wasn't much for talking, especially with this crowd. A lot of the times, they discussed other stuff. She heard quite a bit of chatter about the latest movies she didn't go to, hit shows she could care less about, current events that flew over her head, and other things she had little interest in. There were few classmates that watched _Princess Pony_ or any of the other cartoons she saw. Even the one live-action show she liked ( _Dream Boat_ ) wasn't discussed very much outside her family. It was like she was on an island.

"What are you doing after school today?"

"I'm literally goin' to the Mall. I saw these fab shoes on sale."

"No way!"

"Oh my God! Literally get them!"

Leni's ears perked up. That was, of course, the one exception to the rule. The girls at school were as enthused by the Mall as she was, not to mention all the clothes and shoes it constantly had on sale.

"Really?" Leni said, quickly turning to the girls speaking.

"Uh, yeah," one of them said, the passion in her voice gone.

"Okay!"

And that was all she needed. Leni swooped up her bag and paced out the door. Now she had something to think about: all those shoes, lying in wait for her to pick up. There were so many possibilities of style, brand, color, fabric, and everything in between. It always helped to have another pair of shoes ready, just in case she was ever caught wearing a certain colored dress or shirt. The only thing she needed to worry about now was how to get there.

Luckily, she knew just what to do in this situation. And doubly, she had a chance to take care of it right then. Peering up the hall, she saw Lori approached from the other direction. Perfect. Her big sister wouldn't mind a little mid-day family reunion. Leni smiled as she got closer and closer to her.

"Hi Lori!" she said, waving.

The older Loud slowed down with a dubious expression. Perhaps she shouldn't have been so overt in her introduction.

"Hey. What's up?" Lori asked casually.

"Can you, like, take me to the Mall?"

She had a feeling what the answer was gonna be, however she still couldn't help but smile. After all, that was a perfect indicator of how excited she was. She was willing to take virtually anything in order to get those shoes. Go-go boots, here she'd come.

"Okay," Lori said slowly, bringing her hand up to her chin. Leni stood patently, watching her sister contemplate, running her fingers up and down her jawline, "In exchange for transportation, you can...make my bed."

"Sure!" Leni shot back.

"Good," she said as she took a step forward, "I'll see you later."

Lori then walked off, leaving Leni to go in the other direction. That was one step down. Before her was the real challenge, the one where she got her hands dirty. It was a high price her big sister had set, but she was determined. She was gonna get those shoes.

But first, she needed to finish her classes.

* * *

The terms of the deal were always clear cut. Lori didn't give out any rides until the price had been paid first. It was daunting. There was a good chance the trio of the Mall would be pushed off until tomorrow (or later), but Leni knew what she had to do. She was gonna Lori a bed so perfect, she'll never be tossing and turning again. Lori deserved it. Lori was perfect.

First, she needed to drop by the garage. Luckily, Luna was still in the House doing her homework, giving her plenty of time to grab what she needed. The garage provided ample supplies of ply wood. More than enough, Leni concluded.

She grabbed five long pieces and plopped them in her arms. The sheer bulk of them made it hard to keep her balance, but a tighter grip guaranteed that they were secure.

Waddling her way across the space, she spotted a hammer and some nails resting on a small table. Leni immediately knew that was gonna be useful. Using what little leverage her hand exerted, she gripped it. And to add to it, she knelt forward, inching her lips towards the dusty surface. Luckily, two nails were propped side by side, facilitating the task. With a confident bite, she grasped both the nails in her mouth. That was enough for a first trip. She could come back for more later.

With all her supplies in hand, Leni made her way out the garage. As she moved, some of the ply wood slipped from its resting place. It took an earnest jerk and realignment to keep it from falling. She had to make it without dropping anything. This was her self-imposed challenge.

It got a little tough when she got to the front door. Something that was usually so trivial suddenly became a massive obstacle. But Leni wasn't gonna give up. She pressed her right side against the door. Then, carefully leaning forward, her frozen hand came in contact with the knob. Finally, a slow, cautious turn was needed. Remarkably, despite the motion, nothing fell. There was quite the relief when she felt the door slide open. But now wasn't the time to think about herself. This was about Lori.

Upstairs seemed like a nice place to work. Maybe she could have set aside the materials on her own bed while she did some basic measurements. Her bed was big enough to support all that, she figured. That was the plan. For Lori's bed.

Trapped in her own thought, she didn't recognize her surroundings. She crashed, tumbling backwards as all the plywood and nails hit the ground. Luckily, the hammer didn't fall on her (but it wasn't in her hand either). As she reoriented herself, she noticed Linky standing before her with wrinkly clothes strewn around him. But what really encapsulated all were her sunglasses, which propelled themselves onto his face. He looked pretty funny with those things on.

"Sorry Leni," he said. Just then, the hammer found its way onto his foot. The poor boy recoiled in pain as he was stuck with those blinding shades on. If anything, she felt, she was the one that should be apologizing. But before she could speak, Lincoln beat her to it, "What are you doing with all this stuff?"

"I need a ride to the Mall," Leni replied as she picked up some of the plywood, "so Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one."

There was little use in lying. Even with that mid-sentence revelation, Leni still understood she needed to do this. If Lori wanted two beds, she was gonna get them. There had to be a good reason behind one. Unfortunately, Lincoln didn't appear to understand. His face took on a peculiar look (particularly on the eye brows). In any case, she was ready to come up with another explanation.

"Wait," he said, "why are _you_ doing chores for Lori? Aren't you old enough to drive _yourself_ to the Mall?"

Well, it wasn't about the bed. Still, it opened up an unnecessary closet, one she preferred to not think about. Why couldn't Linky just accept that Lori was as perfect as him? But she couldn't get mad at him, tell him to leave her alone. He needed the truth.

"Yeah. I tried learning, but..." she said, pondering how to put it, "it's not easy. Driving is so hard that I..." pause. This was important; the last thing she wanted to be was an attention sucky thingy, "haven't done it lately."

Leni intensely stared at her brother, trying to find even the smallest change in his face. He didn't need to hear that. He didn't need to have his day ruined by that admission. And yet, he didn't look sad. He didn't cry or frown or look like he was hiding something. But how could she know?

"Oh," he answered slowly. His voice sounded a little sad, but perhaps that was just Leni's imagination. And then, his face brightened up, "what if _I_ teach you to drive?"

It was like her brother carried some sunshine on him. She felt hope, the kind that invigorated her with energy.

"Wow!" she exclaimed, "You have your license?"

She was curious to know. After all, she had never heard of an eleven year old being able to drive. But if anyone were the get their license that young, it had to be Linky. In her eyes, he was so wonderful, smart, fast, and cool that he could do just about anything. He was so great, in fact, that it suddenly became possible for him to teach someone like her.

"Well no, but I do have a crazy high score on," he said. Lincoln paused (presumably for dramatic effect). Suddenly, he lunged out forward and crafted his hands in the shape of a Spinny Thingy, "Total Turbo XXII, the world's awesomest racing video game!"

Her eyes widened. As it turned out, all those lessons from that driving school and her Dad weren't needed to become a great driver. Her little brother proclaimed that a simple video game was enough. Who knew it could be so easy? Linky, of course.

* * *

After a long day, Lincoln deserved an award. Even with her high expectations, Leni was still astonished that her little brother had done the impossible task of teaching her something as complicated as driving. There was a little trial and error (as it turned out, video games were not good teachers), but Leni soon discovered that the task was actually very easy.

All she had to do was press the Go-Go Boot to go down the road. When she got to a red light, she always slammed on the White Shoe. And when she wanted to go right or left, she'd switch on the Blinkey Blink before turning the Spinny Thingy. It was as easy as sewing a basic T-Shirt.

Following practice, Leni retreated to her room smiling. Now that she got in some driving, she hoped to relax by working at her machine. There it was, in front of her, for her seemingly unlimited pleasure.

"You still haven't made my bed," she heard Lori say. As she turned over, she witnessed her big sister lounging on her bed. The blanket and sheets were deliberately thrown astray, as if she had made the mess herself, "I thought you wanted to go to the Mall."

Ever since Lincoln implemented his plan, Leni had completely forgotten about her promise. The wood, hammer, and nails were propped up against the corridor's walls. They sat there alone, waiting for someone to reclaim them. But that wasn't important now.

"Well, like, Linky is showing me how to drive so that I can get my license," Leni explained, "and then I can drive myself to the Mall."

Lori chuckled. By now, Leni had picked up that certain forms of laughter don't mean something's funny. Based on the shows she has seen, people sometimes laugh for other reasons, like when they hear something dumb (which may or may not be funny).

"You think it's that simple?" Lori said incredulously. Leni, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow while her big sister lifted her finger towards the ceiling, " _If_ you get your license, you won't get to spend all your time at the Mall."

A pause. All Leni could wonder was why her sister was acting like this. What was so horrible with offering even a little encouragement? This was something Leni finally became confident about; she was gonna get her license.

"You're gonna have to take up other people's rides," Lori continued, her tone fluctuating in pitch (disorienting Leni), "If Lincoln wants to go to the comic book store, you have to drop whatever you're doing to take him," she then sat up and lowered her stretched arm (and finger), "even if you're making your favorite dress in the world."

Leni was taken aback. She hadn't stopped to consider that before. All these years of sewing had led her to think it was second nature, like breathing. No matter what happened in life, there was always gonna be at least a little time to sew or read a magazine or watch an episode of _Princess Pony_. Somehow, she could make it work.

"That's okay," she said weakly, "I would like to, like, take Linky to the store."

"Ah!" Lori exclaimed. That abrasive shriek stunned Leni, gluing her feet to the carpet, "but it won't just be Lincoln. Lynn has to go to soccer practice, Lola has pageant rehearsals, Lisa needs to go to the school to do her science stuff! And that's not including the play dates, errands, and date nights! And none of it is fun or rewarding! You would spend so much time behind the wheel that you wouldn't have any time left to yourself, plus no one would thank you and they would stomp all over you."

At last there was a pause. Lori's mouth closed, leaving behind that convicted face. Her forehead was all scrunched up, leaving several hard lines upon it. Leni, meanwhile, was left to defend herself. Lori didn't seem right. This wasn't the big sister she was used to, even though she was talking about responsibility. What was it that was so off-putting? Perhaps the conversation might reveal some stuff.

"We could, like, share it," Leni said, holding out her hands, "some days you can drive and others day, I can. That way, you can have more time to yourself."

But Lori wasn't amused. In fact, her eye brows furrowed, accentuating those bold lines on her forehead.

"No," she declared, "It's a hard, thankless job. I decided to make a sacrifice so that I can help all of you. You have no idea how lost and chaotic all of you would be if you didn't have me to watch over you, give you advice, take you to the Mall, or all that other stuff. I am the only person that can do all that and I'm perfectly happy to do it, even if it means I don't get as much free time as you."

Leni was taken aback. She knew that Lori bent over backwards to help everyone else out and it wasn't like she was ungrateful when she did jump in. Lori has done quite a bit for her over the years. But this was unexpected. Lori not only did not receive help, but she refused it when it was offered up front. That wasn't right. Her wonderful big sister was confused and Leni found herself in a position to persuade. Now was her moment to jump in.

"I never get to help others," Leni said assertively, "when Mom and Dad aren't around, it's always you doing all the hard work. And you get mad and tired and stuff. I love you, Lori, all of us! We hate seeing you when you get twisted up and pushed down. And it's time that I started giving back," she then placed her hand on her chest and approached Lori, "I'm gonna get my license because I love you. And then we can work together, and then you won't be alone," she then paused and leaned in, "and then you'll be happy."

She remained frozen there. Deep down, she meant every word. The questions of why Lori was in this state were perplexing. But this was gonna be the first thing Leni did, she told herself. The first part of her new mission was to convince her big sister to accept the help, that she didn't need to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders (that would have been really heavy). Any moment now, Lori was gonna smile, jump up, and give her the biggest hug ever.

Any moment now. Perhaps a moment was longer than five seconds. Or ten. And maybe, instead of smiling, there was snickering. That didn't seem like the components of a joyous epiphany. Maybe it was just an illusion, Leni thought. So why was she getting nervous? The snickering was supposed to be a good thing, right?

"You don't get it," Lori said softly, her voice simmering with bitterness. Leni bit her lip, hoping to get a word in. What was her sister talking about? But it was Lori that got the next word, "do yourself a favor and forget about getting your license."

She then lowered her head.

"You would save me," Lori said, "and everyone around you a lot of hurt feelings."

Leni wasn't sure whether to get mad, look confused, or probe for more. In any case, she felt the need to get something out there. After all, why would her big sister say something like that without demanding a response in return. But once again, it was Lori who jumped in.

"Now go downstairs and tell Lincoln the deal's off."

Her face was as solemn as her voice. She wished her sister wasn't like this, that she could relax for once. Leni wished that her big sister would just pull out her phone and start texting Bobby, anything to get her mind off this. Making Lori more upset would have accomplished nothing.

She walked out silently. Leni thought some more about her sister, how granting her wish would make her happy.

 _"I told you it was a stupid thought. You?! Driving?!"_

For everyone else, Leni assumed hope to be a right, a moral blanket protecting the great work they were already doing. Lori or Linky didn't need hope, but it just made their successes that much better. But for her, it was no more than a privilege, a treat she was only allowed to indulge in limited quantities. The afternoon was plenty for her, ranging from everyone cheering for her to the thought of her actually getting that piece of plastic for her purse. Now that she had her share, it was time for things to go back to normal. To take any more hope or think her daydream could become a reality was greedy. She wasn't built for a driver's license.

 _"No one wants this."_

As she moved down the hall, she noticed her brother emerging from his room. It was like Lori set this whole thing up just to get the whole thing done. She really was brilliant. And perhaps Linky was in on it too. There was no way he actually expected to get anything out of this. So what was the hesitance?

"Hi Linky!" she said, trying to be jovial.

"Hey Leni," he replied. As he smiled, his chipped beaver teeth stuck out. Leni always found that cute about him, even after they were chipped, "what's up?"

He looked so calm, hardly the mark of someone observing a failure. Maybe this was the true test after all, to see if she could give into the temptation of excessive hope. For a while, it seemed like it was gonna fail, but now she had seen the light. And now, Linky was gonna reward her for getting smarter (or something).

"So, like, I'm not gonna get my license. I'm not gonna try anymore," Leni said. It was a little clunky, but it got to the message. So she got points for substance.

"What?" Lincoln said, his mouth dropping open, "but you've come so far! Why would you give up when you're so close?"

That was an odd question on the test. At first, Leni assumed it was just a trick. In the past, others (usually Luan) have tried to do it and it worked; she just didn't see it coming. But not this time! Now she was seeing what they were seeing.

"Isn't that, like, what you wanted?" Leni asked.

"No. Why would I spend all this time helping you if I didn't want you to succeed?" Lincoln said.

And now she was stuck. That was a legitimate point. After all, someone like her precious Linky didn't have enough time to spend pulling elaborate pranks, even if they were only to spite her. Linky knew that it was more effective to ignore something he detested than to drain himself in destroying it. And Linky knew best, even if she didn't always appreciate that. Once again, she was the fool.

"I...uh...don't know," was all Leni could put together.

"Is Lori messing with you?"

Leni stretched her lips inward, terrified to let anything slip. The last thing she wanted was for her amazing big sister to be thrown yet another problem. But Linky, smart as he was, read her mind. How did he do that?

"Don't listen to her, Leni," Lincoln said, his eyes locking on her's, "we're all counting on you. I believe in you, Mom and Dad believe in you, the rest of us," he then paused, "and deep down, under all those insults and bossiness, Lori does too. If she can't find it in her to show you that, then that's on her."

Lincoln then extended his hand and shook it. She took the hint and accepted it, allowing her palm to meet his.

"If you go out there and do what you did today, you'll have your license in no time," he said, smiling. And now the real message was clear, "now promise me. You _will_ take that test tomorrow and you _will_ give it everything you've got."

But even with that smile, something still didn't feel right. Her tummy had a current going through it, foreboding her confidence.

"What about Lori?" she asked softly.

"Don't worry about that. I'll deal with her," he proclaimed, pumping out his chest like a bulky knight, "All you have to do is relax and remember what I taught you," he then shook his wrist again, "Deal?"

At the bottom of her consciousness, an echo rang out, telling her something was wrong (and it didn't have to do with just Lori). But now wasn't the time to raise a fuss, nor was it something she wanted. She was convinced Linky was right, proving once again that he's great at speaking. And he was smiling, also a plus. Now, she couldn't help but mirror that face in her own effort to capture its beauty. Linky was perfect.

"Deal!"

This wasn't the end of her lot, Leni told herself. Her family was on her side, urging her that she wasn't going too far in wanting her license. And after thirteen tries, she was finally gonna get it. Everything was alive, much like when she was sewing. In fact, right then it was better than sewing. She was taking it upon herself to pry open the door for new opportunities: to go to the Mall, to buy supplies, to see Helen, and so much more. All this because she was good enough to succeed. She told herself she was gonna do it.

* * *

It was the moment of truth. The Spinny Thingy was planted right in front of her. To her right was an aging, yet portly woman sifting through some dense papers. Her vision was clear (as was the Mirror) and the traffic wasn't too congested. The odds were favorable.

"Alright Leni, when you're ready, we can get started," the woman said.

"Okay!" Leni exclaimed. She briefly recoiled, embarrassed by how loud she shouted. She jerked her head to the proctor, who was unfazed, "Sorry! I'm just excited!"

"That's alright. Just focus on pulling out of the driveway."

The mission was set and the wording was clear. Now it was time to put all that excitement and knowledge to action.

She pressed on the Go-Go Boot and the car rolled down the narrow paved driveway. Now that that step was done, she proceeded to the next part of her checklist, which came conveniently quick.

"By the way, you're really fat," Leni said, her eyes glued to oncoming turn, "like, _really_ fat. You should cut back on the chocolate and, like, have some smoothies. My favorite is strawberry banana. It's totes tasty!"

She didn't hear anything. Perhaps she was too focused watching the road to say anything. It was as if the proctor was super focused all the time when it came to driving. Maybe after the test she'll thank her for the great advice. So with that, Leni checked it off.

Now was where things really picked up. The true challenge was starting, but luckily Leni followed Linky's advice. She got a full night of sleep, had a delicious breakfast, and remembered everything she had learned about driving. And the steps that came next were the ones most ingrained in her mind. With a calm pair of hands and a focus greater than the woman beside her, she floored the Go-Go Boot out of the intersection.

"Check your mirrors," she heard the proctor say, but she was already in the game. The whole time, her eyes were glued to the sidewalk on the opposite end of the road. Right turns were tricky, given how you had to cross that pesky double yellow line to get on the path. She once recalled Luna talking about England and how they always drive on the left side of the road. Well she wasn't sure what the big deal was, since it also happened in America.

"Wrong side!" she heard again. Leni understood that she wasn't all the way across. Maybe she spent too much time on the other side, so she had to speed up. And so the Go-Go Boot went.

Now she was out on the open road. And since there were no signs stopping her, she might as well speed up. Go-Go Boot down.

Granted, the woman beside her was spouting off wrong information. Unlike other times, this was an interesting feature of the test. This was the first time where she was forced to refute false information. But it only made her feel better that she knew the truth.

This time, though, they were really pulling out all the stops. They even threw in a car hurtling towards her. Silly car. He wasn't supposed to be there. She felt so proud that she knew enough to not have to follow anyone else's lead. For once, Leni had the answers.

"Look out!" the woman exclaimed. Her voice was panicked, terrified. Before she could fully process everything, the car came to a hurtling halt. It was strange, given that she hadn't pressed the White Shoe. And yet, the car was frozen in the middle of the road. Meanwhile, she heard a blaring horn as the other car eased its way around them.

"What's wrong?" Leni asked, turning to the frazzled proctor. The poor woman took several seconds to catch her breath and collect her composure. They were long, tense seconds, leaving Leni utterly confused. This was the earliest she had to stop during a test. Did that mean she passed?

"It's not safe for you to continue the test," she said, controlled, "you did not pass."

Leni was baffled. She questioned whether she heard that right. After all, she had followed everything she had learned over the past few days. Leni felt she had been doing so well. No. She _knew_ she had been doing well, given how smoothly she drove the lawn mower and how everyone was cheering for her.

"Was it because I like strawberry banana?" Leni asked nervously, "Do you not like that flavor?"

Yeah. That had to be the explanation, something she could cling onto. After all the joy she's been through and confidence she enjoyed, there was no way she could have been mistaken.

"No," the woman replied, matter-of-fact. She then peered down at her papers and read from them, "you failed to use your turn signal, did not check any of your mirrors, drove on the wrong side of the road, went about twenty miles over the speed limit, and displayed reckless conduct."

But wasn't those the things she were taught? Lincoln wouldn't lie to her like that.

And then the fear struck her over her head. She should have known that her brother (and her sisters) were just messing with her all along.

"I'll take over and drive us back to the Registrar," the woman said. She then clicked a button on her side of the car, beside her own Spinny Thingy. And like magic, the car started. Leni's foot wasn't anywhere near the Go-Go Boot and her hands had relinquished their grip from her Spinny Thingy. She allowed the proctor to use her controls to drive the car.

During the short trip, Leni couldn't help but look out the window. She couldn't believe that her Linky had dragged her through all that. He got her hopes up, thinking there was a chance that maybe, despite all the barriers, she could somehow learn to drive. Leni had gone to bed thinking she had finally grasped the concept, which seemed simple enough. And just like that, she was swiftly proven wrong. Again.

She wanted to lash out at something, someone. It wasn't often she was pent up with anger. In a lot of ways, it was like excitement. Every part of her body wanted to move: her arms, her legs, her mouth, her head. And yet despite the burst of energy, her body felt heavier too, as if each motion drained more of her than usual. But that didn't matter right now.

As they pulled up to the DMV, Leni spotted another vehicle in the parking lot. It was the same bulky rectangular shape and same shade of light blue as Vanzilla. And through the windshield, she noticed Lori and Lincoln in the front seats. There he was.

She launched herself from the car, not even bothering to acknowledge the proctor. Leni walked and carried herself with a sense of purpose; her legs carried strong strides and her back was like a ruler, wooden and straight. Leni wanted to give Lincoln the chewing out of his life. Did he have no idea what it was like to be her? What she had to go through every day, the thoughts and actions that shaped her? How mean and "insensitive"! He clearly didn't know Leni at all if he thought she was just gonna forget this. No. It was the top of her mind.

Leni slid into the middle seat of the second row, allowing both her siblings to get a good look at her. There he was (and Lori too).

"Well," Leni said, her voice low and restrained, "that makes fourteen. Guess I'll have to drive a lawnmower forever."

So this is how it came out? During the whole of her walk, Leni herself thought it was gonna be a giant explosion, the type with shouting and fire and sweat and faces turning red. But at the last moment, she felt constricted. Leni wasn't a yeller. Outside of direct fear, she couldn't bring herself to raise her voice out of some external force. She may not have been great at identifying that force, but it was always present, one way or another.

"Look Leni, it's not your fault," Lincoln said softly. It was that type of mediating voice, the one that parents use as a pep talk. Her brother has clearly learned a lot about conflict resolution.

Her contempt at him had melted away. Leni realized she couldn't stay mad at her Linky. After all, he was perfect. And even though he claimed otherwise, he had every reason to carry all the assumptions he did. Leni was at fault in every way and any lashing out would have done no good. Besides, he was so happy during the whole process of teaching her that it plastered an even shinier veil over Linky. She would have been the bad girl for messing with that.

"Yes, it was," she said, her throat tightening, "you worked so hard to help me pass. You even learned to speak Leni. Which I still can't believe there's a country named after me."

It truly was a wonder that confounded, but that was beside the point. That reminder made her realize her mistake even more. Linky could never be at fault. He had bent over backwards for her, just as many others have. Like Mom and Dad have, how Maddy has, how Mrs. Boxer has, how Mrs. Lane has, and Mrs. Barnes. And yet even with his patience and careful instruction, she still couldn't do it. Leni sighed.

"I blew it, "she continued sadly, "I was just thinking about all the fun places I would drive us to. The Mall, the comic book store, the Mall...I'm sorry I let you down."

Leni lowered her head. She really messed up now. Most of the anger had transformed to sadness, a much more familiar emotion. She couldn't bear to see the disappoint on Linky's face, knowing that he only saw failure before him.

"I can't take it anymore!"

Leni perked her head up. It was none other than Lori raising her voice. Until now, she had forgotten her big sister was even in Vanzilla.

"It was my fault," she said, her voice ridden with guilt, "I sabotaged your test!"

Sabotage? Leni realized that any such act was well-deserved towards her, but the topic of driving didn't come up at all after their little talk yesterday. It confused her, how her sister acted invisibly.

"How?" Leni asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

The only thing she could see were her eyes. They looked like a demon was ready to jump out at any moment. Lori closed them, to come to terms with whatever was on her mind. Leni grew anxious alongside her.

"I made a tape giving you bad driving instructions," she said slowly, each word as thick as her emotion, "and I had you listen to it while you slept."

And then it hit her. Linky never would have said to drive on the left side of the road, or made her call the proctor fat, or speed down the road.

What could be made of all this? Was she angry again? Was she ashamed that she disrespected Lori's undying authority? Was it really her fault still? Well, the last question quickly got silenced. And then the second. This was supposed to be Leni's day, the one where she finally made everyone proud. Leni was within arm's reach of having her license, the chance to do something meaningful for her family. To count, to matter. To make this silly voice go away.

"Leni," Lori said tentatively. She even turned in her chair, to allow her to truly face Leni. Now she was asking for it, "are you okay?"

Okay. That was the dream, the intention.

"Why couldn't you just be happy for me?" Leni said. Her voice sounded weird, even to her own ears, but that wasn't important. Her eyes emboldened as she continued, "You couldn't stand to have ditzy Leni do something smart, like you can! I'm not supposed to win! I have to just sit back and take everything like I don't have things to say. But if I try to do anything for myself, I get pushed down!"

Leni leaned back in her seat. She had never yelled like that before, especially not around Linky (his ears didn't need that). Any hindsight or reason was hidden in an obscure corner. The raw feeling coursing through her veins was invigorating. She couldn't stop it, but she tried to stop. Leni wasn't supposed to talk. And so, she tried focusing on breathing. Her lips were sealed, leaving the air to come out in aggressive puffs through her nose.

"I know and I'm sorry," Lori said, her face softer than usual, "I feel terrible for this and I wanna make it up to you. How about I can help you prepare for your next test?" she then turned to her brother, "Lincoln's been telling me you've gotten very good at driving and learning the basics. With a little more practice, you can do it!"

Leni's fiery eyes glared at her big sister. She wanted to stop this, to just hug and forgive like she usually did. Gentler memories eased their way back. She remembered that great favor Lori had done at the Fashion Show, how happy she was in going out on stage to promote Leni's cause. Leni didn't like being mad and wished this fever would just vanish like that.

But that wasn't how anger worked. That lingering question of "why" seared in her brain and her blood was still boiling. All she could do was huff and shift in her seat.

"Sure," she said sourly, "Whatever you say."

Lori stared at her longingly before slowly turning back to the Spinny Thingy. Vanzilla roared its rusty engine and rolled off. No one spoke a word the entire way home.

* * *

Lori finished brushing her teeth and gazed into the mirror. She held her lips open in an practical manner, allowing her to insure that each tooth was thoroughly brushed and accounted for. Ever since she got her braces removed, she's been liking how they looked (so orderly and and white).

Since that came to mind, Lori thought about Luan and how she complained when she first got her braces last year. Luan made multiple self-deprecating jokes about how her retainer amplified her lisp and how she had become "metal girl". Even though she had since accepted the accommodations, Lori thought about her own time being the metal girl. Someday, when those wires would be finally removed, Luan will love her smile (and so will everyone else).

It was an odd tangent for her mind to go through. Lori had gone through the same routine, and yet her younger sister came to mind, leaving her in the bathroom even after she had finished. She knew it was just a distraction, an excuse to keep herself out of her room.

But other people needed to get to the bathroom some time tonight, as the door banging made resoundingly clear. Lori reluctantly broke away from her reflection and exited the room. She passed by the twins, who tackled each other for who would go in first. She wasn't in the mood to address the quarrel (they were probably gonna resolve it themselves anyway).

Entering her room, she noticed Leni already lying on her bed. Her back was pressed against the mattress and her eyes were staring at the ceiling. Leni's irises carried so much weight, she feared they would collapse, caving into helplessness. That horrible anger she never thought would befall her younger sister was long gone by this point.

Lori's vision then caught the other side of the room. Her bed looked brand new. All the sheets were neatly and tightly tucked, the pillows were cozy and fluffed, and the entire display just appeared cleaner than when she left it. The blue really popped to the eye. Apparently, she spent long enough staring at that display to catch her sister's attention.

"Linky told me how to make a bed," Leni said, her voice empty and lifeless, "the way you wanted it to be."

"Thank you," Lori answered gently.

Unsure of what else to say, Lori approached the bed and tucked herself in. In addition to being more attractive, the bed was also softer, more comfortable. And yet, Lori didn't feel relaxed. She felt like she was staying home from school, stricken with the flu.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you," she heard Leni say. Each word had a creak in it, as if it were exposing a new layer to her inner disposition. Now, Lori wished she had the flu; it would have been less painful than this.

"It's okay, Leni," she said, hoping to get through to her, "it happens to the best of us," she then briefly gazed at the carpet below, "and besides, I needed it. I was wrong."

Glancing up at the other side, Leni didn't move. She just continued staring at the ceiling above. Her face was beyond blank. Her lips had a natural downward bent, her eyes were wider than a "Spinny Thingy", her hair had white strands breaking away from the normally smooth curve.

Unfortunately, this wasn't Lori's first time seeing her room mate like this. Leni has been sad before over other things and there were features of her behavior that raised some eyebrows. But this was one of those rare occasions outside April 23 where Leni was so forthright with her feelings. Lori wasn't always the best at reading her emotions, but they were right there. There was no second guessing what her little sister was going through.

And her own problems caused this extraordinary harm. That was the sourest part, the sting that spread the potent poison across her entire body. Lori didn't just feel sick. She was in every way something she knew she was at risk of becoming. Lori had to live with that.

Her eyes grew heavy and darkness enveloped her. She didn't remember any dreams from that nauseous evening.


	39. Morning After

Lori awoke to a splitting headache. It was like there was a troll inside, pressing against her skull trying to escape. She wanted to puke, but her stomach was empty.

Too tired to sit up, she squirmed in her bed in an attempt to wind up on her side. It was an instinct, a grueling journey to get the medicine she yearned for. Most of her body defied the movement, yelling at her to just go back to sleep. That, they said, was the true cure for her ailment. But Lori knew better than that. The nastiness wasn't gonna go away by passing out within the disgusting filth she was.

Eventually, she triumphed in her turn, leaving her eyes squarely on the opposite bed. Leni was just lying there. Her eyes were open and her hands were pressed along the top of her blanket. She must have been staring through the ceiling to some imaginary place beyond it, somewhere away from this toxic wasteland called reality.

"Good morning," Lori said, her voice trying to reach past the groggy filter a night's sleep has produced. But even through her blurry vision, she could see Leni's face transform. A small grin suddenly jutted out on her face.

"Good morning," Leni answered, still looking up. Her voice also carried that filter, but it's high pitch penetrated a tiny needle through it, leaving an interesting sound in its wake.

Yeah, something was wrong, Lori thought. After a whole night, nothing could have changed between either of them. She herself still felt rotten, so what made Leni so different? Besides, unlike anyone else, Lori claimed to know how her sister ticked. After years of observation, she felt like she knew Leni inside and out.

For instance, Leni couldn't stand the bitter taste of coffee. Each morning while she and the other teens had a pick-me-up mug from the steaming pot, Leni treated herself to a smoothie. Her favorite flavor was strawberry banana and she had it at three times a week (four if she was in a great mood). After that was chocolate, which she treated herself to once a week. And the other days were her "mix-up", where Leni would experiment with whatever was in the kitchen (as Luan pointed out, the results were _mixed_ ).

Also, Leni was a notoriously heavy sleeper. A lot of times, Lana barged into the room in the middle of the night when she had a bad dream. She'd come in screaming, yanking Lori's arm, pleading her to sleep in her bed. It was an annoying ordeal that always stirred Lori, but she took satisfaction in accepting the offer. Each time this happened, Lori would inevitably catch sight of her fellow roommate, who was but a frozen glacier in her bed (even during the times when Lana was absolutely hysterical).

Lori told herself this was just another typical case she could crack. It shouldn't be that hard to resolve.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah."

Now it was time to act. Leni had to be lying, Lori told herself. She still feels guilty for getting, so she must be acting super happy to make up for it (way more than she actually was, of course). Leni may have been known around the House for being a bad liar, but Lori was the master detector; even when Leni thought she was being super clever, she always had the eye for the revealing details.

"Are you sure?" Lori asked. Normally around this stage, Leni would crack. Her younger sister had a tendency to feel bad to lie when she was reminded of how much her sister cared, eliciting the truth out. Some may call it cold calculation, but Lori considered it being a good sister. She had to get the demon emotion out of her patient one way or another.

"Yeah," Leni said, still looking up, "I feel better now."

For the next few minutes, both of them just lied awake. Each of them were too tired to move, but their eyes were too comfortably open to go back to sleep. It was of those rare moments where they could relax on the soft mattress, feel the soothing stillness on their limbs, and bask in the warmth under their blankets. Or at least, that's what Lori experienced. The nausea gradually subsided as she lied there, taking solace in the quiet surroundings. It didn't even matter what time it was.

Lori occasionally eyed her sister, who remained in her own bed. Was she under the same natural euphoria as she? It was nice, but it also made her ponder whether this was her younger sister's plan for the day. Did she want to do anything other than lie down and do nothing? Clearly, she must have gone into yesterday with at least a passing glimpse of her future agenda. Maybe those plans have changed. Maybe now she could spend her time with other matters. And the same applies for her.

"I'm free today if you wanna do some driving," Lori said, her voice easing its way to its normal timbre.

"No thanks," Leni answered slowly as she sifted upwards in her bed. Her shoulders inched their way until she was in a sitting position, "I've been doing a lot of that and I wanted to, like, take a break."

That seemed like a reasonable explanation. Of course, this could all just be another part of the lie. Leni must have resented her, ready to blow up at the next possible opportunity. If it was a lie, though, Leni was doing a surprisingly good job at hiding it. Normally, she would have cracked by now, spilling out the truth and apologizing for her "deception". But here, there wasn't any of that. Nor the erratic jerking of guilt-ridden eyes. Nor the sudden arm movements. Even as she was easing her way out of bed, it was one smooth motion, never yielding to the striking cold that often came when leaving her fuzzy cocoon.

The girl was obviously leaving. Lori needed to act fast if she wanted to get something done; it didn't seem like she was going anywhere soon.

"How about the Mall?" Lori said as Leni sat on the edge of the bed, "you think I'm gonna let you make my bed and not get anything in return? We can go together."

The staring eyes Leni gave her big sister was a mix between drowsiness, naïveté, and something. It didn't look like contempt, that feeling she seldom expressed. But it wasn't the excitement she had when talking about those shoes on sale. Of course, Lori was tired too. Perhaps she just wasn't seeing it.

"Maybe later."

Before she could say anything else, Leni was on her feet and out the door, leaving it open on her exit. Lori's eyes narrowed on that path leading to the hallway. Well, she told herself, it was something.

To clear her mind, she reached for her phone, which stood on the nightstand. No new messages from Bobby. When did that ever happen? And it was already 10. The coffee pot must have been put in the dishwasher by now.

With nothing better to do, Lori pulled out her laptop from under her bed. Her blind hand groped through the endless sea of shoes to reach that hunk of plastic, but at last it emerged. After booting it up, she encountered the same Word document that had been confronting her for weeks.

 _"If there's an obstacle I have overcome, it's been dealing with my ten siblings,"_ she read. Lori's been meaning to come up with a better topic sentence (or as her English teacher called it, a "hook"), one to pop out at those boring grown ups that spend all day reading other kids like her talk about what makes them so special. Where was the hook?

Some of it came down to procrastination. Between homework, texting, dating, and utter laziness, Lori just didn't have the drive to continue with this essay (let alone edit it). But a lot of it came down to a tall brick fortress she had assembled some time ago. Lori couldn't remember when exactly she erected it, but she vowed herself to never let herself within its thick walls. Inside laid a stench worse than Lily's dirty diapers, a sound more wretched than Luna's shredding, and a sight uglier than her without makeup. And now, each word she typed was a cart wheeling out another piece of that experience, plastering the page with all its potency. It had to be done, but that didn't make it any easier for her to write.

Maybe instead of writing, a little proofreading was in order. It'd jump start her train of thought while possibly giving her new ideas. That made sense.

 _"I am the oldest of them and I often take care of them. I have to babysit, drive them around, and do all sorts of stuff for them. A lot of times I just roll my eyes, bothered that I'm required to do it all, wanting to leave them to their own devices. But I'm left to wonder what good that would do..."_

* * *

Leni went straight to the kitchen. By now, Lincoln and Lily were having snack time; the former enjoyed his animal crackers while the latter had her baby mush. Both of them looked so happy, she thought.

"Good morning Leni," Lincoln said cheerfully, his eyes never leaving her as she moved to the kitchen cabinet.

"Hi," she replied, opting to look into the space for the appropriate ingridients. Usually, the fruit was in this cabinet. Perhaps it was moved. Alas, the day had barely started and she was already being tested. Was there ever such thing as a day off? After all, if she wanted to use her brain for non-fashion stuff, she would have gone to school today (if only they had those on Sunday).

"You were quite the sleepy head this morning," Linky said slowly, his voice leaning towards a half-hearted chuckle.

"I had such a good dream last night that I didn't want to get out of bed," Leni said as she found the bunch of bananas. Snapping one off the stem, she turned back to her brother. Like he sounded, his posture tried its very hardest to come across as relaxed, reassuring. And that small smile screamed to be viewed as easygoing. But even at this time of day, the low energy could almost pass off for that look. Almost, "but once I have my smoothie, I'll be up and kickin' again."

"That's good," he said, going back to his crackers.

The strawberries were in their usual spot in the fridge. At least there was one thing that remained natural, unchanging. Leni happily mushed the mixed fruit into the blender and switched it on. Within seconds, they all became fused into the creamy harmony Leni knew them so well for.

In some ways, making smoothies was like sewing. Knowing just the right blend of ingredients, hearing the constant humming buzz at the ears, and learning how to be patient. To Leni, those had become one in the same. Making smoothies wasn't all that different. It was so enjoyable making and savoring these treats that Leni herself was left to wonder why others wouldn't bother. She bet Lori would prefer the sweet thickness of strawberry banana over the watery saltiness that was coffee (her big sister just didn't have good taste).

Leni turned it off once she knew it was just right. There was a certain art to making the right smoothie, she found. The perfect smoothie had exactly one banana and seven strawberries in the blender; too many or too few strawberries would have mixed up the balance, making for a overly juicy (in the former case) or overly bland (in the latter).

And then there was the age-old question of how long to keep the blender running. For one, Leni learned long ago that to get it right, she had to focus entirely on the blender as it ran. As for the duration, she didn't have the precise number of seconds written down, but she always had the gut feeling of what it was. To help, Leni often tapped her foot on the ground ten times before turning it off (it hasn't failed yet). Of course, trial and error has taught her the hard way the consequences of messing up. Too short a time and the smoothie wouldn't have been a drink, but the lowliest form of food (fruit mush). Too long and the smoothie would have been a yucky, runny gloop (a little texture would be nice).

Pouring it into a glass, the beverage rolled out in a slow but existent pace. The viscosity test was passed. Now was the taste. Leni never had much apprehension with digging into her smoothies, regardless of what her tongue's reaction would be. As the two met, Leni felt the tempered sweetness fill her mouth with its creamy deliciousness. The euphoria befalling her was overwhelming (she couldn't believe she had gone two days without having these). Maybe today would be better after all.

Leni wondered what was going on in the living room. In a home with eleven children in it, they all had to be around somewhere. Taking her cup with her, she strolled into the room, where she saw the two twins lounging on the couch. As usual, the TV was on, leaving Leni to watch.

"And done!" Harrison said with a smirk. As he placed the phone down, he held up a piece of paper, "Why Barbara is the Worst Sister Ever," he read, "now all I have to do is get this to her room. That way, there's no way she won't get the message."

The door opened to reveal a taller bunny leaning against it. Her eyes were shut and her demeanor screamed apathy.

"Hey stupid brother," she said chilly.

"Barbara?!" he replied, exasperated. Harrison's eyes darted as he snatched the paper and stuffed it in his pocket. Leni had no idea that a bunny with no pants could still have pockets. Animals were weird, "what an...err...pleasant surprise it is to see my oldest sister," he said, feigning joy.

"Ugh," Barbara said, "listen twerp. I'm sorry I stepped on your stupid toy and I got you a stupid new one," her lazy arm swung around with some weird gizmo. Harrison's eyes widened as he accepted it.

"Thanks," he said softly.

"Whatever."

Barbara exited, closing the door on her way out. Harrison fiddled with the toy in his hands. After a second, he pulled out the piece of paper out his pocket. By now, it was a crumpled ball.

"Well I guess this is useless now," he said as he chucked it back over his head. And then, his face popped to life as brass instruments blasted in the background, "Wait a minute!"

Harrison's head then snapped so fast, Leni was surprised it didn't fly away. The camera raced forward, closing in on his landline.

"The message is on her voicemail!"

Harrison then got on his knees and shouted "No", flailing his arms around like a lunatic. So this was the state of cartoons nowadays, Leni thought to herself. Luckily, she heard both twins laughing at the scene.

"Oh man! She's gonna be furious," Lana said between chuckles.

"If anyone shouted that loudly in a House like our's, I'd tell them to shut up," Lola said. But even with that, it was clear that she also found the show pretty funny.

Leni smiled, seeing both her sisters getting along so well. She took another sip of her smoothie as the screen cut to Harrison frantically running around his room, rambling about something. As she did this, she wrapped her way around to the front of the couch.

"Hey girls," she said.

"Good morning Leni," Lana said, her eyes still on the screen. Lola simply waved as her body leaned forward. Leni herself even continued watching the show. She had already seen Lana watching it once, so it must be of some quality.

"So, like, once the show's over, do you wanna come upstairs and try some dresses on?" Leni asked, her eyes now on the screen as well, "you can try on that rainbow dress you really like."

By now in the show, Harrison was inching his way down a long hallway. His back was pressed against the wall, trying to avoid detection. But from what, Leni asked herself. If someone went upstairs or opened a door, they would have seen that little bunny just out in the open.

"Really?" Lola said exasperated, "you already got it for real?!"

"Well...no," Leni answered, "but, like, we're gonna buy it anyway. And, like, you were really excited and, like, it's in our room just there for us."

She then broke away from the screen and stared at Lola. That contact was enough for her little sister to reciprocate it. There was a mixture of excitement and surprise on her face. It was as if Lola was making sure that Leni had all her facts straight. Leni couldn't blame her.

"Please," Leni said, giving a desperately tiny smile, "I want to make you happy."

All either of them could hear was the suspenseful music and tip-toe sound effects. Lana was squished in the middle of this Loud sandwich, trying her best to focus on the show (she knew it wasn't about her).

"Okay," Lola said.

And like that, all three of them resumed the show. The episode wasn't anything special. Harrison tried to get his paws on Barbara's phone to delete the voicemail he left. Even though Leni didn't see it herself, she was able to pick up that it was something mean and bad. If only she knew its precise content. There were some jokes that left Lana and Lola besides themselves (and naturally, Leni forced herself to laugh because that was the appropriate response). Eventually, Barbara got her hands on her phone and Harrison was seen racing through the home to retrieve it.

"Hi Barbara," Harrison's sly voice rang out, "as your sweet, caring, not-stupid brother, I thought I tell you something veeeeeeeerry important. An-"

"Ugh, delete," Barabara said as she tapped that button on her phone. Upon her feet, Harrison fell flat on his face. While the older bunny scoffed at his pathetic attempt at drama, the boy gazed up, confused and terrified at the towering figure, "Listen, twerp. There's only two rules in this house. NO ONE goes in MY room and no one calls me! Do you understand?"

"Yes," he said nervously.

"Good," she said curtly, "now get lost, twerp. If you call me again, I will literally turn you into a rabbit pretzel!"

Harrison sighed in relief. It turned out that this conflict worked itself out in the end. And now everybunny can relax. At least, he appeared to be. Still lying on the groun, he lifted his head and turned to the camera.

"Boy, for a minute there I thought I was gonna be a rabbit pretzel. But today I've learned something special. I learned that just because my sister breaks my stupid toy, it doesn't give me any right to be mad," he said, smiling, "from now on, I'll just keep my fat mouth shut, never letting even a little bit of emotion out. Because when I let that happen, that just leads to trouble."

The boy then jumped to his feet. But just then, a crumpled ball bounced from his cute bunny pocket, landing at Barbara's feet.

"What the," she said, picking it up. The girl then took a moment to read, going over each of its insidious, spur of the moment insights. And then her eyes literally caught a blaze, "Harrison!"

The frightened boy then turned back to the audience.

"I really done it now! Don't be like me!"

The little bunny raced off screen as it cut to black, leaving two laughing children in its wake. Leni got up and rested the cup on the TV stand. She then turned to the two smiling twins. For a brief moment, she remembered her own childhood. She convinced herself that it was just like this, laughing, being close, doing things together. Leni wished it were like that.

"Did you wanna come with me?" Leni asked, standing in front of the screen, "it's that dress you really, really, really like."

Lana and Lola looked at each other, trying to read each other's faces. The older of the two never bothered with the fancy clothes stuff. T-shirt and overalls always did just fine in her eyes. But it was Lola's contemplation that confused Leni. Lola was the person that liked looking pretty, so that must meant she would always say yes every time to trying on dresses. She'd tell herself that she needed the best outfits, the best shampoo, the best lipstick in order to win a pageant. Wasn't that the basic instinct driving her at every waking moment?

"Up next is five straight hours of _Crummy Ducks_!" the TV rang out.

"Okay," Lola said. And just like that, she plopped herself from the couch. That was the Lola Leni was familiar with. Lana wasn't much different either, preferring to keep her eyes glued on the precious screen.

The two's ascent upstairs was most wordless; Leni preferring to gaze at the portraits lines along the way (all those smiles, the invaluable worth). And yet, she forgot to look at her own sister, a real person. It wasn't until they were back in her bedroom that she even made contact with Lola. In there, Lori was on her bed, staring at her laptop.

"Oh," Leni said with dry astonishment, "I didn't know you were, like, still in here."

"I was just in here," Lori said, her eyes darting to her two younger sisters, "doing...my thing."

Leni just stood there, not sure what to say. What was there to say? She already saw what her big sister was up to and she was kinda sure what her task was. The designer turned to the closet door, where its white surface was one with the wall surrounding it. There it was, she told herself. What was she waiting for?

"I was just gonna have Lola try on some stuff," Leni said, stumbling forward (not that it took Lori's eyes away from her work of art), "I was just, like, gonna take some of the dresses into Lola's room...if that's, like, okay with you."

"Sure," was all Lori could muster.

Even Leni was surprised by how easy the task was. She had this anxiety that Lori was gonna find some grounds to protest. Lola didn't belong in _Lori's_ room, _Lori's_ room was the only space where Lori could concentrate, _Lori's_ room was to remain clean of gross kid cooties (or whatever). It was always her that acted as the stickler within their room; Leni saw no problem with an open door policy (even when it was shut). But now this? Maybe Lori wanted a break.

With the approval in place, Leni silently slipped into the closet. The space was lined with all sorts of outfits (there was scarcely a lonely hanger). But even in the myriad of colors, she pinpointed the rainbow dress within seconds. It was just as fresh and clean as it was when she last saw it. Lola's gonna love it, she told herself.

But why stop there? That was a question all on its own. Now that it was out in the open, Leni found her feet stuck to the carpet. There must have been "hundreds" of dresses in this closet of all kinds of varieties. There may even be another one that Lola liked. Yeah, Leni assured herself. She couldn't see any harm with taking out a few other outfits worth trying. And with that, Leni snagged three dresses bunched together, not even bothering to process their appearances. They would just have to do.

Leni hauled the four dresses out and saw Lola. It was only then that she noticed how excited she was to finally put on some "big girl" clothes, instant pageant knockouts. That was the spirit. And for once, it was Leni that made it so. The two made the brief, event less walk across the hall into the younger sister's room. Without the rambunctious Lana around, Lola stretched out her body, widening her stance.

"Gimme one," Lola declared.

"Okay," Leni said. She rested each of the dresses on her wrist and sorted through them like papers in a filing cabinet. One of them was a bold navy blue, an unusual color for Lola. It was too mellow and chill for someone like her and normally, Leni wouldn't have bothered with it.

 _"She's Lana's twin! They look exactly the same, you dummy!"_

Leni turned to Lola's eager face. Maybe now that she caught that pageant-winning smile, there was a chance that perhaps this particular shade of blue could look alright on her. Besides, this was Lola. She could turn anything into a shining star!

"Here," she finally said, pulling out the blue dress, "try this one."

That childish smile deflated upon seeing the simple garb hanging before her. Lola went up and ran her fingers along the smooth fabric.

"I want the rainbow dress," Lola said, her voice rising, "I want the one Lori had!"

Leni stepped back. She should have known this reaction was coming. After all, she was dealing with the same person that snagged Lori's makeup because it "made her eyes pop". This was someone that resented compromise, always wanting everything to go her way. And yet, Leni had no right to complain. She had already overstepped her boundaries by yelling at Lori. Leni wasn't prepared to deal with the guilt of two acts of disrespect in two days.

"We'll get to it," she said nervously, using her arm to wave the blue dress up and down, "but I was thinking you would look totes cute in these other dresses. And, like, we haven't spent a lot of time together."

It was true. These days, it wasn't easy getting around to everyone else. Outside friends and alone time, most of the sisters picked one or two others (usually their roommate or someone close to their age) and spent a good chunk of their time with them. Leni was guilty of this, being around Lori just from their proximity. She adored her other siblings of course, but there just weren't enough hours in the day to get to them all. And the time she used up sewing and going on the Internet only added to the crunch.

"But I want it now!" Lola cried. By now, she was practically screaming.

Now, Leni was throwing her whole plan into question. She was gonna get to it eventually. After all, it was the pitch that got Lola to even join her. But now, the delay she had in place (her showcase of the other outfits she had) was being booted out by shrill projection.

"Okay," Leni said, her arm shaking as she pulled back the blue dress. It was a mistake to ever think this dress was worth the time of day. Leni couldn't believe what she was thinking by withholding the biggest prize for last. Didn't she know that Lola had better things to do than watch her bumbling big sister stall and waste precious minutes. Indeed, Leni pulled out the rainbow dress and held it out.

"Thanks," Lola said sweetly. Her entire faced had transformed just like that. That was Leni's reward for pleasing her little sister: squeeing, smiling, bouncing around. It was her duty to keep it that way, to never disrespect Lola's time again.

Lola didn't even bother taking off her usual pink dress. She chucked the blue one over her body as if it were a hefty blanket. Indeed, that outfit was way too big for a six year old, especially one of Lola's stature. Leni stood back, eyeing her sister as she fianngled her way inside the fabric. Her cute little arms jutted out the surface in their extensive effort to find the sleeves. Leni couldn't help but giggle at this childish effort. It was just that cute.

Eventually, Lola popped her head out the central hope. She stretched her arms out, but they lacked the length to traverse the hefty sleeves.

"Well, how do I look?" Lola asked, posturing herself to show off the purple and gold contrast.

"Totes great!" Leni replied as she pulled out her phone. Lola smiled upon seeing the phone, not noticing the gaping hole between her teeth. But what she did pick up on was Leni approaching her.

"Back there is far enough," she said, waving her hand. In effect, it was just purple fabric flapping back and forth.

"I was, like, gonna take a selfie with us," Leni said, looking at her phone, "sister bonding time."

Lola's arms dropped. Leni couldn't believe that she had done it again. Couldn't she get the hint that this shouldn't be about herself? Leni had thought that the whole time, this was only to make her little sister happy, the same one who was so excited to wear that dress. Any minute now, she would have gotten the brunt of Lola's wrath. And if she brought in Lori or her parents, Leni would have never found the end of it.

Instead, Lola just stared at her until blinking.

"Okay," she said, the syllables dragging.

Well, Leni thought, this was her chance. This was the thing that she found so "important" that she clammered, begged like a baby for. Better not waste any more time.

Leni brought her phone and knelt beside Lola. She hastily brought up her phone camera, causing the screen to become a mirror of them. The two instantly plastered the best "sisterly" smiles they could. All Leni could think as she snapped the picture was Lola. For someone that was impatient, she was quite the grinner. On a whim, she could take her orthodontic nightmare and spin it into an award-winning beauty. Leni was convinced that the girl didn't even need those fake teeth half the time. It was just that natural. And for that, Leni had asked for too much.

Leaning forward, she saw the result the camera had produced. As expected, Lola was simply stunning. Some day, she was gonna win some big contest wearing that dress. It was only a matter of growing, to fill those sleeves and roll back the stuff that dragged behind her.

Herself, though, was a different story. Leni already had her chance to grow. She couldn't see herself getting any taller, prettier, or smarter. She was stuck. And what a state to be in. Even after all her contemplation, she still couldn't get that stupid smile to look good. Why did it have to be so odd? The corners didn't line up with each other. The bottom lip was curled in too tightly while the top one was hanging out. It was the opposite problem of the bland face she gave on her portrait, the one she saw every time she went downstairs. But here, she was an ape. Why could she never be consistent? Lola was.

"Thanks," Leni said, despite all the protests. Asking for another was unheard of. She had tried it once with Lola and she had protested, demanded to know what was wrong with it. Of course, Leni could never give her the real reason; she was too young to understand. So what was she left with? Leaving her little sister thinking _herself_ as the problem?

Luckily, Leni miraculously remembered that incident and restrained herself. But no sooner did she give her gratitude that Lola was out the door, the dress dragging along the carpet.

Leni briefly gazed around the twins' room. She couldn't believe Lola had just let her remain in this place, leaving all of her dolls and makeup vulnerable. What an unusual assumption for someone like her to make.

She then looked down at the picture she had taken. Lola was the embodiment of beauty, another reminder of her fame in the greater Detroit pageant circuit. The lower curve was just the right shape, perfectly smooth along its path. It didn't matter how she pulled it off, because Lola never messed up.

Come to think of it, Leni realized that she had no place in her little sisters' room. Not only did her presence risk the safety of any delicate objects, but Lola was bound to throw a righteous fit if she discovered her in there without her permission. Just because Lola had trotted off sporting that dress gave Leni no right to loiter about like a fool. She wasn't gonna be a dunce when she could help it.

She headed out into the hall, her eyes still glued to the picture. Leni tried telling herself that if she kept staring at that stilted face long enough, it would start to look natural. Isn't that how everyone else did it? Deep down, Lola must have also been weirded out by the smile and it was only a matter of time before she could bring herself to accept it. That had to be the answer. Leni hated feeling this way.

Where to go was the next question. Of course there was downstairs, where she could learn more about this _Crummy Ducks_ show. With a name like, maybe it could be funny. If Lana liked it, there must have been some appeal to it, after all.

There was also a whole slew of siblings she could pester. Leni could have invaded Lincoln's privacy and apologize again, but she didn't want to relive that. Linky had already put up with enough of her incompetence. There was also Lisa and Lily, although she wasn't too sure what would come out of that. Was it gonna involve having Lisa dress up in these overly large outfits while she gave her a lecture about tough science-y stuff? Then there was barging into Lynn and Lucy, but she didn't have anything in common with the athlete and Lucy might have been too busy writing (that's all the girl seemed to do now). There was Luna and Luan (they were fun), but did they need her right now. Luna didn't need her anymore; she had her own band of friends that liked to play music and stuff. And Luan was too busy making money and making other people happy. Meanwhile, Leni just put pieces of fabric together and called it "passable".

Of course, there was always Lori. Sure, she was busy doing her very important thing. Lori was in the midst of applying to college, a task far above what Leni herself had ever envisioned for herself. Lori was going places and she didn't have time to deal with Leni's problems.

On the other hand, it was her room too. Unlike the others, she could (in theory) walk in there and just do her own thing without bothering anyone. Whether that was true was yet to be tested. Leni hated being wrong. It was a terrible domain she found herself in far too often, leaving her with a dim light of truth. Lori was right, so if she found her sister's presence a disturbance, then that meant Leni was getting in the way of that higher goal.

But where else was she to go? Leni had been out of her room for twenty minutes and she already made her usual impression. And besides, she had her phone to keep her distracted while Lori was at work. If her big sister did decide to address her, she would at least be ready for that.

Having decided her course, Leni made the short walk down the hall to the next door on the left. Putting one leg in front of the other wasn't that hard (that much she could do). It was only when she approached her own door that she hesitated. Leni, mindful of what laid behind it, leaned against the door, pressing her body against it. She slowly turned the knob and careened the door open, moving along with it. It produced a screeching creak, but Leni didn't know how she could stop it. Who made doors do that anyway? Clearly someone that wanted to make doors "idiot proof". Yeah, Leni thought, they wanted the doors to be safe from idiots using them.

Sure enough, Lori was practically frozen on her bed, her eyes transfixed on her laptop. Her fingers rested on the keyboard while her lips shifted about, as if trying to formulate words. So this was greatness at work, Leni concluded. Well, it was best to be quiet then.

Indeed, Leni went straight to her own bed, slowly easing her way down on the mattress. Unlike the door, the mattress didn't make noise (and certainly not the kind that disrupted the writing process). She took her phone and contemplated what to do. The Pony Forum was always a fun place to visit, one where there were always reviews, analysis, predictions, and theories on all things _Princess Pony_. Even if she didn't post stuff all the time, Leni felt right at home there.

The most recent episode was quite the wild ride; Flying Colors's parents finally got some screentime. Both of them were every bit as likable as they could. They were sweet, supportive, and loving of their only daughter in everything she did. Flying Colors, of course, had her flaws. She could be brash at times and she didn't always admit defeat when she should have, but Flying Colors was generally a decent pony. It was no wonder Rosy Cake befriended her. And if she ever saw the show, she would be Lynn's favorite by far.

Reading the latest posts was like medicine for Leni. Each one made her forget about some of the awkwardness the morning had imposed. Everything made sense on the Forum and everyone was so forthright with their feelings (sometimes to comical levels). And whenever she came across someone quoting Rosy Cake, Leni immediately liked their post.

Affer a few pages, Leni had even forgotten about the other sister in the room. It was purely her and her show meeting together in this room to make each other feel better. As difficult as it was to believe, Rosy Cake did get sad sometimes. All the promotional materials always had the party pony smiling and jumping around, but it was in those moments of vulnerability that drew Leni the most. Last month, another one arrived. In the episode, Rosy Cake had tried to help two ponies become friends, but she was so involved in the process that neither could have a real conversation or bond. It was Rosy's good intentions that drove the would-be friends apart, concluding that it wasn't worth it to be dictated how to go about their lives.

When Rosy was confronted with her mistake, she crumbled right before Leni's eyes. The mask fell, revealing a canvas stained by guilt and another tangible feeling. Leni was afraid to use words to describe, but she understood it nonetheless. Whenever moments like it arose, Leni was left with the feeling that this was Rosy's nature, as a sad pony desperately seeking others to say she's good enough. It made the songs about smiling seem more like a cry for help than a heartfelt ode to joy.

And perhaps, that's what she really liked about Rosy Cake. But not even Helen had that perspective; when she had asked Leni about Rosy, she said she enjoyed how the pony always made everyone else happy (and left it at that). Her family, of course, remained completely out of the equation. Leni truly was in her very own room with walls and a door and all that fun stuff.

"Hey Leni."

She snapped back to reality. That voice cut across the walls, reminding Leni of the perfection that graced her presence before her. She was compelled to turn. Lori was now looking her in the eye, her laptop pressed shut.

"I was literally gonna go to the Mall," Lori said casually, "wanna come?"

No making Lori's bed? No begging? Just a straight up, girls day out. Was this something Leni had truly earned?

"What about your college thing? Aren't you, like, doing that?" Leni asked.

No. Leni couldn't bear the thought of compelling Lori to stop her important work just to make her dumb little sister feel better. Did Leni really look that sad just now? Was her decision to invade Lori's privacy just a cruel trick to get her to give up her dreams just for a day buying some shoes? Leni felt a pit in her stomach just thinking of the possibility.

"I did get to work on it," Lori said, grinning and gesturing to her laptop, "I finished everything I wanted and I just need a break," she paused, "so what do you say?"

By now, Lori was staring straight into her eyes. For a request to go to the Mall, this came across as overly formal and mushy at the same time. But it was those eyes that clinched Leni. That wasn't just any look Lori was giving her; her gaze was filled to the brim with an authenticity that no amount of "literallys" or fake selfie poses could emulate. It was odd that she was getting this look even though it wasn't spring (and no one was crying). But, Leni always liked that look. It was a window into a special part of Lori that only Leni received most of the time.

Why her? What made Leni so special that Lori chose to do that type of confiding stuff just to her?

Well, Leni said, everyone needed a break sometimes. Even someone as pathetic as her. And she couldn't say no to that face.

"Sure!" Leni chirped.


	40. Shopping Mall

Leni stared at the seat belt, which was nestled along the wall. The buckle was infested with grime from years of clicking into dark, crumby slits and sitting for long afternoons in the parking lot. For the longest time, she just gazed at that buckle, lacking the energy to grab it.

It wasn't until she heard the door shut that she even bothered to touch. Even then, Leni opted to look at the floor as she tugged the seat belt around her waist, securing it in its buckle.

"Let's go," Lori said as she revved up the engine. Leni peered out her window as Vanzilla rolled out of the driveway.

Even on Franklin Ave, the car strolled down it. Leni was used to Lori chugging down the road (apparently 20 mph was fast for a low speed limit). Each house they drove by carried much more detail than the whisking blurs she was used to seeing. But that wasn't all. Vanzilla, which was normally so noisy, was peaceful for once. Perhaps it was due to its lack of passengers, but even Lori was quite the chit. chatter at times. When was riding, she'd talk to Bobby, voicing each message she received. And when she was driving, half her dialogue was reprimanding the others for being too loud and disruptive while the other half was her saying stuff to Leni.

Where was that normal conversation? Not even the radio was on. It was so quiet, Leni was able to hear the tires smoothly roll along the asphalt. That was a sound she rarely heard these days, given the size and volume of the family.

"I was talking to Whitney and she said she'd be open to a sleepover next weekend," Lori said calmly, "and I'll talk to the others and see what they can do. They'll all be over here...and we'd like you to join us."

Those were also becoming rarities. Despite the abundance of kids to bring friends over, Mom and Dad had been cracking down on overnight stays due to several odd incidents (mainly with Luna and Lynn). The friends they brought over are nice people, but they're anything but civil. Perhaps that's why Dad keeps saying no to Luan. But Lori. She may not have asked for them much, but Leni knew that Lori was super responsible and her friends wouldn't turn the House upside down.

"Um...okay," Leni replied as another thought befell her. Maybe there was a chance Lori would bring Carol along because out of all her friends, she was the one Leni knew the most. For the most part, Whitney and all the others were invisible, the type of people one heard about in stories; Lori had used the "beyond words" to describe this feeling, but Leni wasn't sure about that. But in any case, it might be fun.

That was about the only exchange either of them had during the drive. Lori ended up turning on the radio after all, listening to the Top 40 countdown. Leni only knew some of the current artists (though none of them were painters). Songs were just songs with different sounds, voices, and thingies playing around her. It was soothing background noise (especially with the neighborhood as a visual), but that was about it. Lori didn't sing along or commentate on any of them.

The Mall was crowded, cars packed in most of the parking spaces. In the long, uncertain journey for the open spot, Leni had time to see all the glittering colors reflecting off the sun. Cars were so pretty. They came in black, green, red, orange, and even Vanzilla blue. Sure some of them were white, but the "after Labor Day" rule only applied to people.

Admittedly, Leni knew that she wasn't the most social person. No. That was an understatement. Outside of Lisa and Lily, she must have spent the least amount of time hanging out with others. And yet, she loved going to the Mall. None of the countless kids, teens, and parents deterred her pursuits. In her eyes, as long as there were enough clothes and shoes to go around, she could spend entire afternoons in the place.

Eventually, Lori pulled into an open spot. It was a tight squeeze, but Vanzilla's bulky width squeezed itself into the space without a scratch. Now was the tough part: sliding out without letting the door hit the neighboring cars.

"Be careful," she heard Lori say as she eyed the handle. By now, Leni was all too familiar with that message. Who was Lori to baby her like that, like she had no idea there was another car less than a foot away. Sure it was slow easing the door open, but that didn't mean she didn't know what she was doing. It just took a little longer.

By the time she had gotten out, Leni saw Lori waiting for her beside Vanzilla's trunk. Was she really that slow in getting out herself? And why wasn't Lori frowning or eye rolling or anything? Even when she got closer, her face lacked subtle contours usually associated with impatience or frustration.

"So you will not believe the deals they have on shirts and jeans at NarrowMaple. They are literally _in_ right now," Lori said as they made the long commute to the main entrance. Leni glanced, noticing that her arms shifting around. It was one of Lori's ways of seeming more energetic than she really was. And it certainly worked most of the time. But now wasn't the time to pose questions. It was Leni's job to play along.

"That's, like, totes wonderful," Leni replied. She then managed to contort her face into a grin. Was it convicting enough? The corners didn't feel in the right place. The whole thing must have looked terrible, Leni thought to herself. She knew she had to keep going, though, because a terrible smile was certainly better than blankness.

"And there's also some new shoes from Lacey's. If we hit there first, we can grab some before they sell out," Lori added hastily.

"Okay," Leni said.

If the abundance of cars was anything to go by, the inside was a bustling afternoon. Leni's ears filled up with the white noise chatter as clumps of people paroused the corridors and open-door shops. This was exactly what she desired.

The two merely stood at the main entrance. By now, Leni was expected her hand to be yanked in a predetermined direction. If Lori was the one who drove her here, clearly she was the one that should decide the stores. But here they were, just watching passerbys go about their hectic days. Just from looking at it, it appeared the beleaguered mother pushing the double stroller was preparing for a party (did Luan know about this?) The big boys sporting gym shorts and spandex T-shirts are likely to stop by Pantheon for sports stuff (maybe Lynn should know about them). And then there was herself and her big sister, just standing there.

"Well," she heard Lori say, "where do you wanna go first?"

Leni was taken aback. Did she hear that right? Lori never let her make big decisions like this. Even though her big sister also had an eye for fashion, her taste was light years away from her's. It was like no matter what Leni wanted, Lori was against it, opting for something else. She didn't accuse her sister of not knowing what good clothes were, but maybe Lori could have learned something from thinking about them more. Lori might have gotten a different view if she spent a little time making clothes herself, Leni told herself. That much she had, even if it didn't really matter. What's the point of making clothes if you didn't wear the right kind? Who was she to judge other people?

Oh. On second thought, maybe Lori was right. After all, she was the one with more friends. But that didn't stop that perpetual staring. It felt weird having someone stare at her. For a moment, Leni thought she had gotten something on her face (like a bug or a booger or...a spider). Why won't she stop? Why can't Lori just make up her mind for her?

"Did you wanna go to Lacey's?" Lori asked.

"Yes," Leni shot back.

And just like that, the crisis was resolved. She now knew where to go and Lori was gonna help her there. That's how it's supposed to be. Every time.

As she walked alongside Lori, Leni couldn't help but gaze forward at the oncoming denizens of shoppers. On that day, she seemed particularly interested in their stories, the very circumstances that drove them to the Mall (aside from their cars). There was a man walking all by himself, his eyes set on the corner jewelry shop; it didn't take Lori to tell her what that meant. A trio of women adorned in cute sweaters strolled into Jackson's Book Shop. Perhaps they were in college and wanted to get even smarter than they already were getting.'Or maybe they just wanted to pass the time. It was funny reading an actual book as opposed to some text on a phone screen, Leni thought.

Most times, those surrounding her really were just background. As much as she didn't find socializing comfortable, Leni just accepted the crowds as a natural part of life. It would have been weird to have the Mall all to herself. But now, they were more than a tapestry of colors and world of unique textures. They were people, just like her and Lori. Each of them saw themselves as the main character in their own sprawling story, with this day being another chapter in it. Leni found it oddly comforting focusing on these people, guessing what was going through their heads as they passed by. And yet despite the gentle euphoria coursing through her, none of that feeling was reflected on her face.

It was interesting how little could be told just by looking at someone's face. A lot of times, Leni felt sad and yet she didn't cry. Other times she could get wrapped up in a soothing fantasy, yet be unaware of the necessity to show her excitement. Sure a smile came out of the blue occasionally, but those were not something that could be counted on for every burst of happiness. And even with that, Leni inevitably found herself back to Lori. What was she feeling right now? Turning over, her face didn't seem to have much going for it. Did that mean she wasn't thinking anything? Did Lori think the same of her?

Looking forward, the big Lacey's sign quickly approached. It was much larger than the simple posts that the neighboring outlets had. Its white letters illuminated across the entire section, luring the eyes of anyone that dared enter its sight. Leni had seen those imposing letters countless times, and yet it never failed to grasp her attention. Something about their size, their uniformity, and pure white color was all-encompassing, telling her that this was a safe haven for all pieces of quality clothing. This was fashion itself.

If the sign was what drew people in, it was the selections that made them stay. The two sisters were inundated by selections: designer dresses, flower-laced hats, shades of the most pure and savory colors. And yet despite the surplus, none of it appeared overwhelming. The designers of Lacey's were known for putting the same level of effort arranging the store as the seamstresses did making the clothes. Indeed, the floors were sparkly white, the shelves were cut into perfect corners, no article was disheveled, and the mannequins could have challenged Lola at a pageant.

Unsure of what their intentions were, Lori and Leni gravitated to an arbitrary section. The dresses were long and flourishing. Leni couldn't help but imagine herself at Aloha Beach with one of those, letting the material flow with the wind like a flag. And the colors were diverse. White, maroon, lavender, cerulean, verdant. In the moment, Leni forgot there were even other stores (let alone racks in her closet), leaving these to be the only clothes worth wearing. Why didn't she just go to Lacey's all the time?

"Hey Leni," Lori said, taking her attention away from one particular dress. The first thing Leni saw was her sister's docile face, "we don't have to stay in this section. They got some winter stuff that's literally _gorg_! Did you wanna come with me?"

Lori jutted her arm, pointing to an adjacent section. Sure enough, it was mixed with comfy scarfs, adorable knitted hats, mittens, and stunning jackets (many of them white). She was right. They were gorgeous. And it was true that winter was gonna arrive in a few months. In fact, she was tempted to go over there, follow her sister in their search for decent style.

 _"What about that dress?"_

Leni halted herself. Was she really about to ditch something that had just drawn her attention without looking closer? Her attention span wasn't that short. Right? If she really wanted to, Leni told herself, she could have spent a lot of time looking at one thing, pouring all her concentration in its price, color, texture, and dimensions. Clearly, she told herself, these dresses had stories tempted to unleash themselves. They deserved at least some of her attention.

"You go on ahead," Leni said, turning to a white version of the outfit, "I wanna look at this stuff first."

Those winter clothes were attractive, though. Some of the coats were a creamy leather while others were a fluffy fur. She thought Lori was gonna flock to them with her command. Silly of her to assume that, though. Instead, Lori remained there. In fact, Leni even saw a tiny wrinkle emerge on her big sister's face and a subtle downward tug. Leni felt shivers as she said that.

"I can wait. It's _your_ day, after all," Lori responded.

Her day? This whole time, Leni had thought this was a sister day, where the two of the them could have fun together. And besides, after all that had happened, did she really deserve it? All Leni could think about was how she yelled at her sister. That screeching voice still rang in her head, haunting her. It had confirmed a lot of things. She already knew she was very smart, but yesterday she had figured out she wasn't nice either. Leni, she felt, was an all aroun nasty, rotten orange.

"No," Leni said, her voice trembling slightly, "you can go over there if you want to. Because, like, you wanted to see that stuff and, like, I don't wanna keep you waiting."

She still felt a leech attached to her chest, something she knew she had to get out. But perhaps that was enough talking. Besides, the dress looked really nice and Leni preferred that. Clothes were a lot easier to deal with. With a good enough look at one, Leni could piece together all the ways that made it good or bad (and how to improve it).

She came within inches on the white one. From there, she was able to make out the thick laces that made up its seams. They were simply stunning, she figured. In that final moment before gracing her hand, Leni turned to where Lori stood. She was now walking solemnly towards that section.

Was she wrong for wanting to be here? Should she have been nicer about it? These were the questions that expounded themselves as she ran her fingertips along the soft, gentle surface of the dress. It was every bit as smooth and comfortable as it appeared. Leni loved those type of outfits. She asked herself why she didn't get them more often.

That was, of course, until she saw the price tag. $69.99 it read. Given how elaborate the design and lucrative the material was, Leni felt it did deserve a decent price. Someone clearly put a lot of heart and soul into it, making it a top of the line product. Still, her purse said otherwise. Leni didn't have a job and her allowance wasn't all that high, leaving her pinched. Was it really worth it to get this dress right now?

Leni gazed back at the winter section, where Lori was staring at a maroon and gold scarf. From this distance, the only thing she could use to judge the article was the color scheme. As far as she knew, maroon and gold were a winning combo (even if it was old-fashioned). Lori might have appreciated to have something that said "Look at me. I mean business."

But seconds piled on and yet, Lori was frozen in that position of holding the scarf's tail end. Perhaps it was just bad eyesight, but she could have sworn that Lori wasn't moving. Certainly by now, Lori would have already made up her mind about it. Most of the time, that's what it seemed like (Leni thought). Her big sister was really smart and always knew what she wanted. So what was the holdup?

She was tempted to forget about the dress and come to her, look at some of the winter clothes with her. Besides, they were more practical. So what was keeping her feet bolted to the floor?

After a whole day, there was no way she was still mad at the driving incident. Leni should have never gotten to that point and she even apologized. She was left to wonder if she were just scared or nervous or something. That, she concluded, was a horrible thought to have. Lori was her sister her entire life. To let something as petty as sabotage bog her down was outside her right. Leni wasn't allowed to snap back, especially at her sister.

So was that it? Was this just some cheap tactic to avoid having to see her sister?

 _"You...poopy!"_

It was no longer about the dress. She was forced to accept that it was just a distraction, a means of getting Lori away from her. And for what? A little extra time to realize what should have already been apparent? Lori was clearly trying to make her feel better. It was obvious from her insistence on bringing her here, of letting her call the shots, and being completely agreeable. Lori was everything Leni didn't deserve. And this is how she repaid her?

Maybe "poopy" wasn't a strong enough word.

But for now, Leni knew what she needed to do. Now was giveback time, to swallow her melancholy and bitterness, purely embracing everything Lori was. Today was _Lori's_ day.

Leni paced away from the dresses, never taking a look back. Her eyes were focused purely on Lori, who was like a statue. It was like she really liked that scarf, to the point where she forgot that she had an entire body to use stuff with. As she got closer, she started making more and more details of the scene before her. The scarf wasn't anything too special now that she saw it. The knots were competently made and the materials used did their jobs at accentuating their respective colors.

But she also got a closer view of Lori. It was like she was so focused on that dress, that she forgot to smile (or show any emotion for that matter). And her eyes appeared so transfixed on the article, they didn't even squint and her pupils were like dinner plates. Perhaps they too forgot to change when she came into contact with this scarf.

"Hey Lori," she said while she was still walking. Nothingspecial with that intro, she thought. But Lori didn't seem to think so, as her eyes snapped to her.

"Oh hey Leni," Lori said softly, her hand still on the scarf. Her eyes then darted down, observing Leni's arms, "did you find anything over there?"

"No," Leni replied, bringing her arms up. She then thought a smile was appropriate for this moment. With her best effort, she scrounged up the best one she could, "but that's okay. Like you said, it's gonna get, like, colder soon. And I need, like, better looking clothes for cold."

And then, the two silently went about their search. Lori moved away from the scarf, her mind gravitating towards the hats. Even though she already got a decent look at the aforementioned scarf, Leni realized that she hadn't had a chance to touch it yet. She stopped in front of it and proceeded to stare. Similar to the dress, Leni decided to touch it, allowing her finger tips to feel each contour of the stitching. Ultimately, the work was no better than something she would produce. That wasn't to call the maker a bad knitter, but the low price ($8.99) clearly reflected the effort put into it. It was unusual that something of this quality would end up at Lacey's. No wonder Lori stopped to examine it; it was such an anomaly in a store that's known for high prices for high quality.

Surrounding it were other scarves. These ones were also made with well-chosen combinations (purple and green, blue and yellow, scarlett and sapphire. Some of the selections were similar to that initial pair, adequate quality for clearance price. But as she moved towards the edge of the same table, Leni started to re-enter traditional Lacey's territory. The prices went up (maxing out at $24.99) alongside the quality. The stitches became tighter and the yarn became smoother, silkier, better dyed.

Occasionally, Leni glanced up at her big sister. Unlike before, Lori was moving along the selections at a more reasonable pace, observing each coat and article long enough to determine whether it belonged in the closet. There she was, Leni thought to herself. All she had to do was continue to make it Lori's day.

Going back to the scarves, she evaluated each selection. She didn't think any of the scarves fit her particularly. Leni knew she lacked the complexion and wardrobe to make purple and green look good. In fact, she realized that the scarves she already had were sufficient on their own. What was the use in wasting money on herself anyway?

Leni then turned to the more expensive corner of the table. In the midst of the selections was an elaborate cerulean scarf. The entire thing was endowed by the color's bold dominance. Her eyes locked on it, pressing her to look further. How did she not see this one earlier, she asked. And as her hand ran along it, it was both tightly knit and soft. It was the perfect color and texture. Even though the price was $19.99, she knew she could afford it. Besides, the cause was too important to let prices get in the way.

Snagging it, Leni strolled around, reaching Lori.

"Try this," Leni said, smiling. Lori wasn't sure what to think of it. The two looked at each other, unsure of what the other's intention was, "you look totes _fab_ in it."

Before Leni could have prodded further, Lori's eyes warmed to the scarf. She proceeded to lift it from Leni's hand. Usually, her big sister was more deliberate and forceful in taking things. She always liked to establish her authority: in her words, faces, and motions. But here, she was more gradual, her hand was open, allowing the material to slide between her fingers like jello. Even as Leni told herself that she needed to step up her game, she eagerly waited as Lori found it in her to wrap the scarf around her neck.

It was only now that she really absorbed how long the thing was. Stretched out, it must have gone to at least Lori's shoulders, leaving it with exceptionally long tails once it was secure on her. But practicality aside, Leni was right. That shade of blue was just right for Lori (she rocked it so hard, no pick axe could have dented it). And that yellow practically matched her hair. Bold, strong, blonde that Leni never could have hoped to reach. It was perfect for her.

"You look great!" Leni said. And then, out of blind instinct, she pulled out her phone and snapped a picture. As the lens flashed its white light, Lori's eyes widened.

"Leni!" she exclaimed, her voice constrained. Lori's face was mangled, fighting between astonishment, disappointment, and composure. But in any case, her eyes told it all. It was very hard to make a facade with those. Leni tried it sometimes and it was just so hard; the lids developed a weight of their own as did the irises. Not to stop her (or Lori) from trying.

In the ensuing struggle, Lori did her best to press on, "wh-why are you doing that?" her voice cracked a little. Her lips pressed shut, surprised at the inflection her vocal cords gave her. Apparently, they needed a little extra time to recalibrate. In the interlude, Lori just gazed down at the scarf she now adorned. The tails each went down to her waist, "it's not _that_ pretty."

"Yes it is," Leni said, nodding her head, "It's so you and I wanted to, like, keep it forever."

She really meant it. Lori didn't always seem to get how beautiful she looked, especially in the right clothes. And besides, Leni had picked out that specific scarf knowing that color scheme would make Lori's eyes and hair pop. The picture was just another way of showing that admiration.

"I could just buy it, you know. And then you can just see it all the time," Lori said.

Now was her chance to strike.

"You don't need to spend money," Leni answered,smiling. Lori gave her a confused look, encouraging her to continue, "I can buy it for you."

"Do you even know how much this costs?" Lori asked, gazing down at the tails. Indeed, the material and stitching were far from the mark of an amateur.

"Of course I do," Leni answered. She pushed aside the urge to get feisty, preferring to make herself sound cheery. After all, it was Lori she was trying to keep happy, "I'll just use some of the money Mom and Dad gave me."

Lori's eyes widened as they reached her sister. Something told Leni that she should have saw that coming. Why couldn't she see it earlier?

"You do know I have money too, right," Lori said, her voice lowering. Indeed, both of them had brought their purses and she was more than willing to show her's, "I'll buy this for me and then you can use your money to buy something for yourself."

No, Leni thought. She couldn't let this happen. She had been too mean to her big sister to let her pay another price. Remembering that she also had her purse out, Leni stripped it from her waist so abruptly, her hand nearly lost grip of the leather.

"It's okay. I don't need anything," Leni said. She then extended her arms, pushing the article closer to Lori. Maybe if she could see the money, she would be swayed to take up the offer. Who could say no to a free scarf anyway?

But Lori's eyes darted back and forth. First at the purse then at the scarf and then off into something far away (Leni wished she had eyes in the back of her head). Maybe Lori was thinking. Leni was confused by that. After all, what was there to question?

 _"You know, silly."_

After another moment of looking at the scarf, Lori touched it once more. Maybe she was finally coming around. Leni's heart prematurely fluttered, hoping that Lori would say yes. Now was her chance.

And then, Lori's other hand gripping the part of the scarf wrapping her neck and yanked it, causing the entire configuration to come undone. Now, the article was back to being a yellow and blue snake hanging around.

"Of course," Lori said softly, lowering her neck. Leni felt her feet prodding her forward, prepared to deal with the relieving acceptance. And then, her head snapped up. It was like she tried practicing what Leni had done with her purse, "You wanted shoes on sale!"

Shoes? What did that have to do with coats and scarves? Leni stared blankly at her sister, trying to get an answer. Maybe if she gave that look long enough, Lori would get the hint.

"I do?" Leni blurted out. That worked too, even if it was a bit obvious.

"Well duh!" Lori chimed, throwing up her hand and flicking it. Leni had no idea Lori had Ducky arms too, "you said yourself that there's shoes on sale. Remember?"

Oh. Now she recalled. Why did she have to be so specific? Why couldn't Lori just take a gift? Yet there was no denying that both of them liked shoes. But before she could respond, Lori hand lurched and locked on Leni's wrist, sending shockwaves throughout her whole body.

"I guess, b-"

"Let's go! Shoe Shine's got some great deals!" Lori exclaimed.

Then everything became a whirlwind. Lori shot out like a bullet, dragging Leni along with her. In the chaos, neither noticed that the scarf was lying on the floor, forlorn and astray.

* * *

The sun cleared up when the two emerged from the Mall. She couldn't believe it. She had told herself over and over again that she would buy Lori something. Leni knew she had the money, the thought, the will. And here she was, left with a big white cardboard box in hand with a purse full of cash.

How did this happen? The scarf may have been a lost cause, but shoes were shoes. And Lori loved them (even if they were often bunched under her bed).

And these were not hand-me-downs. They were long, silky brown boots; when she tried them on, she felt like one of those "gals" on TV that wore old clothes and ran around with ponies in the sand. What were they called again?

But they cost so much ($100). Leni begged to dump all her money (however much it was) to pay for them. And Lori kept pushing back. Actually, it was more like a gentle nudge. Her big sister just kept smiling (much like she was now), talking about how much she loved Leni and how she "would do anything for you".

That didn't even count what Lori got for herself. A set of blue heels that were so shiny, Leni had to avert her eyes when her sister held them up. They must have been $50 easily. Despite that, she still paid for both out of her purse. She was still smiling too.

Leni, though, just felt sick. She couldn't even talk her sister into returning the favor. Once again, Lori made the day.

The two silently slipping into Vanzilla. Lori was humming some song she heard on the radio once. Again, Leni couldn't find the name of it. But her big sister was happy now. Didn't that count for something? She still felt this good in her chest, begging her to do something, show rather than tell. Was there something broken about her?

"Thank you," Leni murmured, her head practically buried on the box. Even that looked expensive. The white surface was one of the glossiest she had seen, brilliant rays reflecting off its sheen. And at the center was a golden emblem, detailed by intricate lines that only a top-of-the-line drawer could have made. Maybe Lily will grow up to be one of those.

"That's literally the fifth time you've said that," Lori said, chuckling a little as she was pulling out of the parking spot.

"I know."

For several seconds, Leni was able to catch sight of the windshield, watching all the stationary cars pass by. Even though some of them had cleared out, the Mall was still bustling at this hour. She then chose to look at Lori manning the Spinny Thingy. Her hands had such a firm control on the wheel, as if they were ready to pounce on any little thing that could propel Vanzilla off course.

And then there were their purses, which occupied the middle space. It was a squishy, leather-bound wall. All Leni could do was guess how much money was in her big sister's.

Soon enough, her eyes gravitated to the same old passenger window. By that point, they had left the Mall and were driving along a side road. It was gonna be some time before they got back. Better cozy up, she thought. Leni leaned towards the door and pressed her wrist parallel to the ground. It was somewhat comforting, but her mind was elsewhere. It was beyond the trees, buildings, homes, and even Vanzilla.

"You're pretty quiet over there."

Leni snapped up, her back becoming as straight as a pencil. No, even straighter than that. Like if someone made a super straight line, her back would be even straighter. And her eyes were open, alert. As were her ears, which picked up more uncomfortable laughter.

"Are you okay?" Lori asked.

Well. What was she supposed to say? Protest and act like her feelings actually mattered? No. She told herself that wasn't good. There was also just saying fine, but her throat was a bit blocked up even for that. Nothing could be said really. Silence seemed like the best option. Maybe Lori will realize soon enough how useless that question is and stop. And sure enough, her eyes found themselves back on that box. That fancy-looking box with shoes she should have paid for.

In that moment, she darted a glance at Lori, although there wasn't much to see. After all, when she was trying to keep the car on the road, she couldn't focus on that type of stuff anyway.

"Is it the shoes? Do you not like them?" Lori asked, genuinely concerned. No, that wasn't it. Leni wasn't one to change her mind on shoes (unless of course she were dealing with the ones she already had). Nevermind. She needed to say something.

"No," Leni said, hoping that was the end of it. By now, Lori had to realize that there were more important things to attend to.

"Then what is it?" Lori asked.

Turns out the important things were otherwise. Why did Lori have to ask? Or the better question. Lori asked herself why she had to be so obvious in how she felt. Why couldn't she just whistle a happy song or tap her feet or something? At least then, Lori would have stayed happy on her day. Lying was out of the picture. If Lori could root out a face, she could pick out a lie (especially from Leni). And with that, she sighed.

"I didn't want you to buy all of this," Leni said, looking back down at the box.

"So it was about the shoes," Lori said, her voice filled with tension. It was both nervous and disappointed at the same time, as if they were blended together into a yucky smoothie, "I could return them if you want."

"No, no, no," Leni said, exasperated. It was only then that she caught her faux pas. Typical Leni, "I do like the shoes, like, a lot."

It was true. She did admire them and she very much looked forward to wearing them. That much she was honest with herself. But even with that shiny gloss, Leni broke away from its visual allure and continued.

"I just wished that I had spent my money on that stuff. So that, like, you wouldn't have to like, have no money left."

"Why would you wanna spend all that money?" Lori asked frankly, "those shoes weren't cheap and I don't think you would have been happy to be out a hundred bucks."

"What about you?" Leni asked, raising her arm and gesturing it at her big sister, "I mean, I know I don't have a hundred bucks running around a field and jumping over stacks of hay, but I would have done it for you. I wanted to give you something special so that, like, you'll feel better."

"Feel better?" Lori posed, surprised, "What are you talking about? I'm fine."

It was hard to make out all the features on Lori's face. Much of it was from the side. But then Leni remembered one part of Vanzilla that always help. She faced the front and looked through the central mirror, which she used sometimes to see Dad's balding hair or Mom's protruding nose. Sure enough, she caught sight of Lori's eyes. They looked like they were struggling to stay open as well (even though it was day time). And the apparent tinge both of them possessed was manifest. If this was "fine", then Leni didn't know what to think.

"But," she said, trying to form some words. After all, if Lori said she was fine, then it was very likely to be true, "I yelled at you."

"You had every reason to," Lori shot back, keeping those weary eyes on the road, "I messed up your test. I was wrong. End of story."

Was it, though? Even with Lori clearly hiding something, Leni knew that her story wasn't over. She had to keep going. Maybe this was the real test after all, the moment where she would really make her sister feel fine for real. Leni owed it to her. She grabbed her purse and pulled out her cash.

"Still...I shouldn't have," Leni said. Turns out it took a lot more effort than she thought. Words were hard, especially when counting dollar bills, "I can't be mad or, like, mean...if I'm not nice, then I'm nothing."

Once she was sure she had $100, she held it out to Lori.

"I'm sorry for letting go of my Spinny Thingy," Leni said solemnly, "I'll try to keep my hands on next time, just like your's."

Even with the offer (and a small grin), she couldn't get Lori to look at her, let alone take the wad of cash.

"Leni," Lori said, still driving, "you're allowed to feel other things. You're a person just like me," she then paused. All the urgency and haste that had dominated her voice was gone. It certainly wasn't fine. Something told Leni she had gotten to Lori's core. Glancing at the mirror, her eyes were unchanged, but the face around her had sagged.

"But I'm not like you," Leni replied. This time, she didn't need her mind to get the words out. Everything was driven by her heart, "you do all sorts of things for me and everyone else. You drive us to the Mall, babysit us, help us when we have problems, drive us to the Mall, and you help me talk to others," she then pumped her cash-filled fist, "you can feel as mad or as sad as you want because you, like, earned it."

She then took a deep breath, preparing herself for what came next. What was the problem, she asked herself. This was Lori. It wasn't like her big sister hadn't heard this stuff before. Today was just like those other times, even if they didn't have tears or things that happened long ago.

"For your information," Lori said, beating her to it, "just because I work hard doesn't give me any excuse to be a jerk to you guys," her eyes had opened, even if they still stung, "I take things too far. I yell at you, I ask you to do chores in exchange for rides, I make too many rules when I'm in charge! Believe me, none of that is okay!"

Lori let out an audible exhale, letting the air blast against the steering wheel. Leni didn't dare interrupt her sister at a time like this. Even she knew that Lori wasn't done with her train of thought. Lori always came first, after all.

"And you see the others, our sisters and Lincoln," Lori continued, trying her best to control her breathing (to fluctuating degrees of success), "they can't stand how I deal with things. I make stuff such a hassle for everyone else that they get all worked up, annoyed with me."

All of this was news for Leni. She has spent so much time viewing Lori as a guide that she had forgotten to consider her feelings.

 _"You stupid poopy."_

But then Lori shot a look at Leni. Her head was perpendicular to the road, frightening Leni by those eyes. They were right there, staring down at her. Once their pleading chill was blasted, Leni forgot about the danger both of them were in.

"I may be terrible to you all, but you are the furthest thing from," Lori said, her voice sagging as well, "our siblings _adore_ you. If they had it their way, they would pick you for driving, babysitting, and all the stuff I'm doing now. They will be at your side when you need their help and they look up to you for all sorts of stuff. If Luna needs a winter sweater, you can make it for them. If Lincoln has a bad day at school, he can turn to you knowing that you'll care. Because you do! If you get angry or sad, they would never think lesser of you!"

Leni was pressed against the door. Her Ducky arms carried the cash within all her fingers. Lori's glare was intense. What had she done now?

Feeling the car has stopped, Leni gradually extended the cash out to her sister. Lori slowly and cooly accepted it, stuffing it in her pocket.

"Now do you feel better?" Lori asked, leaning back. Her voice, though, was dragging even further behind, "do you now know how important you are in this family?"

None of this felt right. In fact, none of it felt true either. Lori did deserve to feel things other than happiness. She earned it for all she had done, after all. It was herself that just sat around, cutting up fabric and turning it into clothes that only took up extra closet space. Why couldn't Lori just see that? Why couldn't she make Lori happy?

Leni turned to Lori, who was before a Stop sign. She was familiar with this intersection. It was away from most of the houses and businesses, primarily surrounded by grass and trees. It was a calm, peaceful area within the clustered suburb.

Lori took out the money and chucked it to Leni, the crumpled dollars gliding onto her lap. No, she thought. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. And her eyes felt funny too. Normally at this very Stop sign, she would have heard a sound going beep bop beep bop. Leni thought she had gone deaf and rubbed against her ears, hoping that would do the trick. No beep bop. All they could process was the sound of Vanzilla rolling forward. Looking up, Leni realized the car was moving straight.

"I thought we were going home," Leni said, puzzled. Normally from this route, there was a right turn at the Stop sign. Even she knew that.

"I wanna do something first," Lori simply said. And then, Lori touched the Blinky Blink, making the beep bop sound. This is where they were turning? Lori clearly must have seen the trees lying to the right. Vanzilla veered in the direction, hovering over the shoulder of the road. Once there, Vanzilla halted to a stop.

Leni watched Lori, now even more confused. She was about to ask what was going on when Lori unbuckled and got out. She watched as her sister rounded the front hold, making her way to her side. Leni grew scared, worried that her sister was gonna yell at her, lose her temper, or do something she would "regret". No matter what, Leni felt she deserved such punishment.

"Get out," Lori commanded.

No thought, reflection, or denial was allowed. Leni swiftly slid out of the car, mindful of the box and loose dollar bills lying on the seat. She stood like a very straight line as Lori inserted herself into the passenger seat. She courteously placed all of Leni's dollars into the respective purse and snugged the shoe box under the chair. All Leni did was watch her sister settle in.

"What are you waiting for?" Lori asked calmly. That was a reassuring sign, even if it was unearned. Even on be next task, Leni couldn't bring herself to answer. Wasn't it obvious? She was just waiting for her sister to tell her what to do, "Drive," she said.

Leni literally stumbled back, nearly tripping in her move. Did she even hear that correctly? Maybe she should get her ears checked out, she noted to herself.

"I want to help you learn how so you can pass your next test," Lori explained, her eyes softening. It was a gradual process, but Leni started to notice pieces of her big sister's soul mend themselves, "this place doesn't have many cars. You should drive us down the road, Leni."

There wasn't much of a smile to be seen. Perhaps in the midst of this mess, this is what Leni was meant to accomplish. A short drive couldn't hurt, especially at the guidance of her amazing big sister. Besides, she already had a somewhat good grasp on what she was doing.

Giving one last look at Lori for assurance, Leni rounded the front hood before reaching the driver seat. She was all too familiar with the seat's warm leather and the Spinny Thingy's rough circumference. Fastening her seat belt, Leni turned to Lori once more. By then, her big sister perked up her lips. This was for real. Lori really was on her side this time. No more sabotage, no more mistakes, no more silly voice.

 _"Blinky Blink."_

Leni pressed down on the meter, causing the left arrow to blink its white hue.

 _"Go Go Boot."_

Her foot prodded the rugged pedal. Vanzilla jolted forward, jerking both of them forward. That wasn't good. Quickly, Leni snapped her neck to Lori, trying to make sure that this is really what she meant. Did her big sister really want to help a lost cause?

"Watch the road," Lori said gently. Leni immediately realized her mistake and turned forward. Vanzilla was leaning towards the double yellow line, "right side."

Right. Using the Spinny Thingy, Leni reoriented Vanzilla onto the appropriate side. It really was a relief that there weren't any distractions to succumb to or people to get hurt from such silly antics.

Feeling she was moving a little slowly, Leni nudged the Go Go Boot, speeding up the car. Indeed, the red needle behind the Spinny Thingy edged clockwise along its own glass circle. It kept going and going as Leni felt her back press into the leather seat.

"Take your foot off the gas pedal," Lori said.

And Vanzilla continued to chug along, speeding up. Her eyes remained glued to the right side of the road. The trees whizzed by faster and faster in her peripheral vision. The red needle continued to push against the higher numbers. Now wasn't the time to stop.

"Stop!"

Snapping out of it, Leni registered her big sister's voice. Understanding the phrase, she slammed on the White Shoe, lifting her off the seat as the machine came to a grinding halt.

Leni jerked her head to Lori, whose hand was pressed against her chest. She could hear each of the girl's winded breaths.

"You can't go that fast," Lori said between breaths, "I told you to take your foot off the gas pedal."

"It wasn't on the...whatever you just said," Leni said, trying to defend herself, "I had it on the Go Go Boot."

Lori's eyes widened.

"There is no Go Go Boot," Lori said, trying to get over the shock, "there's the gas pedal and the brake."

"I thought it was the Go Go Boot and the White Shoe," Leni said gently. She didn't want to freak out her sister anymore than she already had, "that's how I remember them."

Having finally caught her breath, Lori readjusted herself, making sure her posture was upright. Leni couldn't help but hear her sister yelling bounce against her skull. Here it came. She just knew it.

"When you take the test, they won't know what you're talking about," Lori said bluntly, "you can use those words when you're with me, but you have to learn the real names of these car parts."

"Okay," Leni replied.

Her cheeks heated up as her head slowly turned back to the Spinny Thingy (or whatever it's supposed to be called). She couldn't believe that her own logic had scared her big sister. Hadn't she been through enough today?

Leni was then jolted by a hand touching her shoulder. She jumped up, much like Lori had while she was driving. She anxiously turned and saw it was Lori herself, smiling at her.

"But you're off to a good start," she said gently. For once, her voice was actually calm. It emitted genuine relief, the feeling one got when they were free of petty injury, "I'm proud of you."

There were so many things telling her to recoil, a voice compelling her to argue. Leni should know by now that it was false, that such words were an empty shell meant to promote complacency in one's incompetence.

But what was wrong with that smile? That heavy weight in her eyes were gone, as was the tension in her cheeks. After a long day, Lori finally had the chance to be loved, to have something done for her. And for once, even if she was on the verge of making another stupid mistake, she could take comfort in knowing that she had supplied that joy.

"Thanks," Leni replied.

That voice wasn't needed right now. It was in time out in a different part of her mind. It was gonna have to wait its turn before it could be nice.

Then again, that was as uncertain as the future turns down the road.


	41. Princess Pony

What a day it's been. Everyone's been frowning, sulking around. And who could blame them? The toilet had been clogged for hours and Dad "grounded" everyone. Leni didn't mind too much, given how her feet were already on the ground (otherwise she would be floating around a lot). Lori, though, was aggravated because such plans interfered with her date with Bobby.

Indeed, both of them were resigned to their phones on the couch, killing time. Most of the others shrouded them, going about their own business. Lynn was on the floor, doing push ups, Lola was tending to her luscious blonde hair, Lisa was holding her wrenches and screwdrivers, Lisa was head deep in a massive book (probably about some super tough science). But not all was orderly. Luna and Luan were engaged in a tug of war over the previous TV remote, shouting at each other. It was weird how siblings so close in age can be close to each other yet engage in the pettiest of arguments. Maybe it was just a roommate thing.

Suddenly, Lucy and Lincoln entered the room. Leni only saw their hazy figures strolling around the rim of her vision.

"Excuse me. I have something to say," she heard a sad, gravely voice murmur. Leni drew her attention from her phone, closing in on Lucy. In fact, everyone was focusing on their pale, downtrodden sister. She, though, also saw a colorful book in her little sister's hands, "this is what totaled the toilet."

She then held up the book for all to see. Even with the toilet water stains and crumpled pages, the colors popped out clear as day.

Leni's heart stopped. In all the years she's been a fan, she never thought that her beloved franchise would be propelled into an all-sibling meeting. But here it was (the _Princess Pony_ logo) flashing in front of all of them. She was paralyzed.

She knew it wasn't her's. Aware of how embarrassing it would be for others to know about her obsession, Leni refused to buy any merchandise. Lori would have discovered it somehow, even if she wasn't at the store with her. And yet, here Lucy was about to expose her.

Now, she was too scared to speak up. Leni felt her face heating up, her mind swirling in every way possible. What was gonna happen next? Why was Twily being flaunted around like that? It was like her adorable pony self was urging her to blurt something out. Lucy was really pushing it.

" _Princess Pony_?" Lisa said, reading the cover.

All the other sisters burst into terrible laughter. Each chuckle rattled her, bogged her down. She didn't want to be in there. She wished she was just imagining this. That silly voice was getting pretty silly in its ways of getting out. Was she really so dumb as to think a fantasy was real?

But what did it matter? Everyone else was laughing. Therefore, she started chuckling herself. Each one was like trying to throw up a slimy piece of pasta, becoming more difficult and nauseating. It was okay, though. After all, if they were laughing, it must be funny. Right?

"Which one of you lame-o's does that belong to?" Lynn said, still grinning

"Certainly not me! It's so sickeningly sweet I get a toothache just looking at it!"

Leni chuckled again, but now she was alone. Everyone was staring at her. Why weren't they laughing? She thought this was all part of the "fun". Well, she thought, she couldn't just keep at it forever.

"Can that really happen?" she eventually said, her voice still hoarse from the nervous chuckling. Maybe now they could forget about that, talk about something else. This was Lucy's chance to hide that thing, get it out of everyone's sight.

But no. Lucy just stood there, holding the book by her side. Her neck had collapsed. Even with Linky by her side, she looked so sad (even more than usual). Leni couldn't tell if her efforts were making things better or worse. At least she had given her little sister a few seconds of freedom, a temporary distraction from the humiliating teasing.

"Well," Lucy said hesitantly. Her breaths were so shaky and hollow. Everything part of her (arms, legs, even face) was as stiff as a stack of logs, "the belongs-"

"To me!"

Linky? Leni's face could not have exploded even more. Her eyes were saucers, her mouth was stretched out so much, she thought it was gonna stay that way. Suddenly, everyone (even Lucy) was propelled into an epic season finale with a major plot twist. This was even more baffling than when Twily grew wings or when Flying Colors came out as an avid reader.

"I-uh," he continued, scratching the back of his head. The poor boy looked so small, even more than Lucy, "didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd make fun of me."

"Aw Lincoln," Lori said. Oddly enough, her voice was tender, carrying understanding. She even had her lips stretched out, to lift each syllable into a gentle, cooing sound. If none of the other sisters were here, Leni could have seen herself talking like that, maybe even give him a hug, "of course we're gonna make fun of you. But _only_ for the rest of your life."

Just like that, Lori was back to normal. Of course Lori had to harp on that. In her eyes, the show really was worthless dribble. And yet this was one area where Leni (in the midst of foggy certainty) knew exactly where she stood. She knew she loved it, that it was something that should be enjoyed. So where that voice rising up, jumping in to save her precious Linky?

Her little brother was just standing there, taking the brunt of the "shame". They were all chatting with each other about how silly the show is and how "stupid" it is that Lincoln (an eleven-year-old boy) could watch such a "babyish", "sweet", "girly girly girl" show. And here she was, wishing to just disappear. She might as well have been a ghost in there, filled with unspoken words, unfulfilled actions, and a rotting stew of good intentions.

* * *

Just like that, Leni was back on her bed. She had little to do that day, other than subject herself to whatever came before her. And what a day to observe.

With her head pressed against her pillow, she watched her sister moving meticulously, each object she held being deliberately placed and respected. A fancy necklace with a fake sapphire was laid out in full on her bed, the brace forming a clean circle. Lori's phone sat beside it, its physical boundaries lining up perfectly with those of the mattress.

And then there was the woman herself, adorning her formal blue dress. Admittedly, it wasn't anything too sophisticated. It was just enough to show the world that tonight was special and she wanted to celebrate. The bold eyeliner and dark lipstick made up much of the slack, animating her face and accentuating her skin. It was quite the departure from Leni, who was in her normal clothes without an ounce of makeup.

Normally, Leni would have used this time to ask some pressing questions. Where were they going? What was Bobby wearing? Was he bringing any gifts for Lori? It was just small talk, enough to pump up her big sister for the fabulous evening that awaited her.

All their dates had been successful and Lori often came back starry-eyed with stories, ones that often went beyond the simple questions Leni had asked. Such stories dominated the interaction, Lori exploding into details while her younger sister laid back and absorbed everything without comment (or at least, not anything beyond "Wow" or "That's totes great"). Leni had told herself that she should work on asking better questions so she could get more out of it. But hey, even if she didn't always get a lot out there, it was thought that counts. As long as she was supporting her sister, little else mattered.

Intentions. They were often so innocent, failing to take reality into consideration. She wanted to ask better questions, but she didn't know how. And then there was Linky. First he got grounded from his super fun convention and then he got laughed at. Who was she kidding? She might as well have been joining in on their mockery, as much as she should be been apathetic to her big sister's love life.

So was that it? Was Leni gonna spend her whole evening on her bed, thinking about what ought to be and what should have been until she fell asleep?

"Lori," she said, fighting every physical instinct in her body. Well, her voice was enough to catch her sister's attention. She was leaning on her bed, open hand suspended over her beloved phone. No response, no question. Just that pretty, colorful face patiently waiting for her to take the next step.

Leni gulped. She wasn't ready for this.

"Are you really, like, gonna make fun of Linky for liking...that thing?" she asked softly, her eyes wandering. To think that Lori had spent all that time making herself look beautiful, insuring that each color had just the right richness to evoke maximum pleasure. And here was Leni (the disrespectful coward) mulling on the simple wonder of the white ceiling. She thought she could see hints of gray and black, probably shadows or patches of dust.

"I can't believe he's literally into that sickening mess," Lori replied, tinged with disgust and playfulness, "it's so silly, how can anyone leave it alone?"

Leni tightened her lips and closed her eyes. All she could think about was whether she was reclined far enough to obscure her face. Did Lori already know about her? Leni could already see Lori and Bobby chuckling at their dinner table, throwing jokes left and right about how Lincoln is bad and has no taste. First there was the comic books, then the underwear, and now this. That's, like, a triple whammy. It was like her poor little Linky had no friends.

Well, intentions or not, she wasn't gonna get anything done by just lying on her back. She opened her eyes and propped herself up against the head rest.

"Why can't you just accept him for who he is?" Leni asked, her voice naturally growing stronger with the enhanced lung support, "Why should it matter if he likes _Princess_ _Pony_ or whatever?"

"It's not like I'm forcing him to like _Dream Boat_ or Boyz Will Be Boyz," Lori shot back, snatching her hand and pressed up, "He can like his girls show all he wants, but that doesn't mean I can't bring it up. If he's willing to open up about it, then I should be allowed to voice how I feel about it," she then redirected her eyes to her buzzing phone, "And I think it's stupid he would watch such a lame show."

Lori proceeded to tap away, smiling at Bobby's latest text. Leni, though, was horrified. In her eyes, it was like Lori was mugging away, insulting just about everyone around her. It was like Linky's confession had unleashed a nasty demon from her older sister, bent on a lifelong campaign to spur bitterness and injustice on her poor little brother.

"How do you know the show's bad?" Leni spoke up, "You've never seen a single episode."

Lori peered up from her screen, silently rolling her eyes.

"And you have?"

Darn. After all this time, was this how it was finally gonna come out? Lori was already in a not-nice mood, let alone being swayed by Leni's pathetic sentiments. Linky deserved a better advocate, someone that could be good with words (like he himself was). Such a person also needed to have Linky's courage, an attribute that was clearly missing from the room. Leni's lips were like a melded slate of granite, too firm to move. And her eyes? Who knew what they conveyed.

The two silently stared at each other. Lori's phone was held out, clearly a place that Leni's indecision kept her away from. And yet, she wished she would go away and leave her alone. At this point, Leni was willing to take a passing mention to Bobby of the time she held up her big sister in his moment of need.

Eventually, though, Lori sighed.

"Whatever."

The following minute went by so fast. Lori snatched her keys and purse and flew out of the door, heartily shutting it.

The buzzing silence quickly caught up to her. Leni glanced at the empty corners of her room. First they were at the wall, then to the closet, and finally to her beloved sewing machine. Usually when Lori went out, Leni used the precious alone time to work on another project; in the world of clothes, one could never be too diligent. And yet, for once, her mind was elsewhere.

As far she could tell, everyone had retreated to their own bedrooms (especially Linky). What was he thinking right now? Leni only thought the worst. He must have been bawling his eyes out, wishing Rosy Cake were there to hug it out, tell him that he's the bestest brother other (weird word coming from her mouth, though). Still, Rosy loved everypony (and everybody).

Would Rosy Cake love this, though? Sitting on her bed counting how much fabric she could spread across the ceiling? That wasn't the party pony's way. It was boring, inefficient, and (worse of all) unhelpful. All Leni could ask now was what she was waiting for? Christmas? Linky's birthday? Graduation?

Without a good answer to go by, Leni launched herself from her bed. That spring was enough to energize her, fill her face and body with a new form of life. It was like she suddenly act three bars of chocolate and was acting off the inevitable sugar high. Her focus jerked to the doorknob, which appeared shinier than usual (Lori's hands clearly must have been super clean, she thought). With purpose in her step, Leni lunged to the door and flung it open. And with a determined stride that bordered on running, she quickly traversed the night hallway, her sight never leaving the door that lied before her. She was gonna get there somehow, one way or another.

And yet, the funny thing about sugar highs is that they eventually left to crushing crashes. Indeed, Leni had become paralyzed by the time she was within arms reach of Lincoln's door. She was just staring at it, as if it were a red hot orb posing a safety hazard. Was it really, though?

Every part of her seared with pain. Her arms became harder than burnt salmon while her legs became like the wood that made up her desk. But where it was worst was her chest, which expounded blasts of nausea. Not to mention the twisting, which turned everything surrounding her heart like a strand of rope. Out of all the areas of her body, Leni's heart was always so annoying. It always begged for everything else to hurt to, so it wouldn't be alone. And it often got confused about what it wanted. Indecision was Leni's worst neighbor.

If her heart had its way, this staring contest could have gone on the whole evening. Leni was squarely focused on the doorknob, imagining all the fun interactions she could be having beyond it. Hugs, confessions, the like. Of course the one thing that wasn't in that vision was making that crucial step to turn the knob.

Besides, there was always the chance that someone else could barge into the room, exposing her obsession as well. Lori's reign would be twice as glorious, the fires of her mockery seething into every snicker, every caustic word she uttered. It didn't matter how old she was or what was expected of her; the thought was still terrifying. Leni told herself that she already had enough naysayers for her awkward movements, annoying voice, nonexistent social life, and religious devotion to sewing. This didn't need to be mocked too. Rosy Cake was too pure and innocent to withstand the wrath of others' ridicule.

 _"So is this it?"_

This. Being a coward, letting her brother be thrown to the wayside again.

 _"You think you have it rough? Just look at him!"_

All his life, Linky never had someone in the House to talk about boy stuff (not grown up men stuff, the kind that Dad would evoke). He really was all alone from the start. And yet he still put himself out there. Look what happened? If Linky could do it, then she had no reason not to. Unless, of course, she was a worthless jerk. It would feel nice to be not as big of one as she already was.

And so it was decided. Her mission was set, her resolve hardened. Leni took several concentrated breaths, air in and air out. Leni stretches out her lips to make her face wake up from those endless moments of indecision.

Here she went. Leni smiled and pushed the door open with all the speed she could muster.

"Hi Linky!" she yelled uncontrallbly.

Her vision was but an incoherent blur. All her energy had come into her entrance that it didn't matter how much she could see. What mattered was what her brother heard. In fact, it took her retinas several seconds to find a center of focus. Only then could she make out clear lines and detailed textures.

And sure enough, Lincoln was sitting on the edge of his bed. But what struck her was his vibrant orange pajamas. It wasn't every day he wore those, usually opting to sleep in his undies (in his words, "a man's gotta be comfy when he sleeps"). Seeing this, long sleeves and long pants, was like seeing him read comics in a parka.

"Are you okay?" she asked nervously.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said simply.

Was it, though? Fine was such an interesting word. On its own, it meant good. So if Linky said, that must mean he's happy. But if this was joy, then why wasn't he smiling? Where was he sparkle in his eyes or color in his cheeks? If anything, he looked drained. In her mind, it was like he was about to give in and do something (cry, scream, fall down). Leni felt inklings of adrenaline spout in her arms and legs, but all they did was push her a step or so closer.

Even now, Leni was asking herself why she could bring herself closer to him, the poor thing had been through too much in one day.

 _"Do you even care about him?"_

Well, of course. That's what Leni told herself. It's certainly what she wanted to believe. After all, Linky was family. Plus, as her only brother, he brought his special boy-ness into her life. He was really cute, he was much smarter than her, and (most of all), he loved everyone. He was even good enough to pretend that he had feelings for her. What a lot for a young man to put on his own shoulders.

"Are _you_ okay?" he then asked.

Dang it, she thought. Leni has no idea how long she was just standing there thinking. Now Linky was suspicious. She needed to act.

"Yeah," Leni shot back.

And what? Just like that, her energy pettered out again, leaving her immobile and inactive. Out of desperation, she scraped the base of her foot against the carpet, creating the appearance of enthusiasm. But ultimately, the little sound fell flat and the two siblings locked eyes. They just stared at each other, unsure of where to proceed.

"Is there anything you need?" Linky asked.

That's it, she told herself. No more playing around. There was something that "Linky" needed and she was gonna see it through.

 _"Just take three deep breaths."_

No. That was too much delaying. Three would have become four and then five until more time passed.

"So you like _Princess Pony_?" Leni said clumsily. But at last, she got it out there. Now Linky could pick it up from there.

Lincoln sighed and brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose. She could hear his amplified "grunts", displaying how annoyed he was.

"Yes," he admitted, pinching the cartilage, "I know it's dumb...so go ahead and start teasing me already."

He then sighed again. But it wasn't anything like the ones Lori was known for. Linky was really pushing himself to make the noise heard, as if he were doing it on purpose. She didn't blame him of course. After all, that first question was far too rough and she should have expected him to assume the worst out of her.

"Well, um," Leni said softly. No. She wasn't gonna back down now. Her heart had already begun the painful constriction she was familiar with. If she stopped now, she feared she would never find herself in this position again, "I wanted to know, like, who your favorite character was?"

Lincoln raised an eyebrow, though Leni couldn't tell what it indicated. Both of them were literally perched up, curving upwards rather than in a jagged bent.

"To be honest...I just got into it," Lincoln answered. Luckily, nothing in his voice pointed to anything toxic, "I don't have a favorite character...yet."

"Oh."

For several more seconds, the two continued to stare at each other. For someone like Linky, Leni expected this scene to play out more naturally (without all the pauses and mid-talk contemplation). For whatever reason, she thought her brother would be the next one to speak, to find a response to that simple utterance. Such a reply never came.

"I like _Princess Pony_ ," Leni blurted out.

There. It was out there. No taking it back, no apologizing. Weirdly, she felt lighter after saying that, as if everything that made up her heart was sucked out in an instant. Leni asked herself if this was a good thing.

"Really?" Linky asked.

Was that even a question?

"Yup," Leni answered. And just like that, everything cleared up. Her body popped to life, tempted to do all sorts of things from walking to jumping to dancing around (it was a shame Linky's room was tiny). But her mind virtually exploded. All of it (her opinions, experiences, feelings, and ideas pressed on this topic) had been unleashed. The concrete dam her siblings had set up was finally crumbling.

"That's cool," he answered apprehensively. Lincoln then jerked his whole self up, as if snapping to a realization, "Don't worry, I won't tease you."

"And I won't, like, tease you."

The two of them gave each other another look. Linky looked a little better. His shoulders were lowered and his face was loosened. But he still wasn't smiling. Wasn't he glad that he had someone on his side? Of course, this could only have meant one thing: that she didn't mean it.

It had to be that obvious. Linky was always so good at making others feel good when the occasion called for it. He just had this thing with words and using just the right tone. After all, he was the "man with a plan". Leni, though, knew she was nothing like that. It didn't matter if she thought or felt something; if no one could see it, then it meant absolutely nothing (and there were things she wanted to be that way). If he wasn't smiling away, then it was all on her.

"What do you think of the time Twily grew wings?" Leni asked, hoping to jumpstart their discussion.

"I dunno," Lincoln answered, scratching his head, "I haven't gotten to that point."

Leni then remembered what had been said just moments ago. Linky said all too clearly that he was just getting into the show. And now, a major plot development had been spoiled. Her mind was hit by a blunt strike, leaving her to pick herself up.

"How about...um...the first episode? The one where Twily moves to Maretown?"

Lincoln sadly shook his head. Obviously, it was only after the third time that the girl finally got it. Her brother, enthusiastic as he was, was a blank slate. There was an entire magical world, colorful cast of writing, and lineup of solid episodes (with some hiccups here or there) before him. It was her responsibility to bring it all to him, to help her brother fully realize his love, and maybe (just maybe) do other stuff.

"How about we watch it together," Leni asked. The mere image of it was exciting enough, casting a smile on her face, "I'm more than happy to spend some time with you."

"Sure," he replied, shifting his body across the bed. The poor boy then let out a chuckle, "I don't have anything better to do."

Trying her best to keep that smile going, Leni snatched out her phone and ear buds. In the short transit to his bed, she fiddled with the cord, poking it into the proper hole (it took several tries), Once it was securely locked, she jammed one of the buds into her right ear, twisting it just right so there was chance of it falling out. With her free hand, she presented Linky the other bud. All she could think about was how little joy she made him feel.

 _"Come on Rosy. Help us out!"_

Leni plopped herself beside her brother and loaded up the first episode. As expected, the video took some time to buffer. Alas, such was the case in a House where thirteen people vied for the precious bandwidth. She used this time to cast a look at Linky, gauge his demeanor. She prayed that this show would get some reaction out of him. Anything!

Eventually, the buffering sign vanished and the screen faded in on a mural of two winged unicorns.

"Many moons ago, there lived two sisters that ruled Equestria side by side. They loved each other, shared everything, and sought to make all their subjects happy and harmonious. One was responsible for raising the sun to start each day while the other lifted the moon as night watched over the land."

As the narration continued, Leni couldn't help but divert her eyes to her special watcher. Linky was staring at the screen, but how he felt was a puzzle on its own. Was the prologue really boring? The scene was only a minute long, she told herself. There was no way that could have tuned anyone out completely.

The first few minutes were review for Leni. The younger sister, Diana, felt unloved by her subjects because they never saw the beautiful tapestry she made in the sky each night while everyone else slept. She got so disillusioned that she was corrupted by an evil demon, persuading her to collect her "recompense". When she refused to lower the moon and threatened tyranny across Equestria, her older sister Oriana banished her to the moon and assumed both sisters' responsibilities herself.

"There's conflict on this show?" Linky asked.

"Yeah," Leni answered simply, turning to her brother. This was good, she thought. He was asking questions about, learning new things.

Following that, they were introduced to Twily, the antisocial bookworm. Leni, too, liked to think herself like this (would that make her a "clothes worm" or something? Worms were gross). It was interesting seeing her go out of her away to avoid talking to others, even as they snickered behind her back. But to Twily, the only thing that mattered was studying.

All of that, of course, changed when Twily was assigned to go to Maretown to oversee preparations for the Solstice Festival and "to make some friends". Now that the groundwork was set, Leni braced herself for what came next.

Twily emerged from the carriage escorting her to her destination. Not only did she see buildings and houses and streets, but the bookworm was also exposed to a massive crowd. Leni's body tensed up, barely able to hold back this...sensation.

"Welcome to Maretown!" a pink mare screamed as she bounced to the front. As the camera captured her face, everything about her popped to life. Her sparkling blue eyes were the most prominent feature, perked upon a smile Leni strived to emulate. And even though she would never want her own hair to be like it, those frizzly curls fit her perfect, multiplied her quirkiness by countless numbers.

"Hi! I'm Rosy Cake and you must be our special guest," she exclaimed, side-by-side an apathetic Twily.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Cake," Twily replied, summoning a clipboard and quill with her magic, "I'm just here to oversee preparations for the Solstice Festival."

The lavender unicorn paused, her ineffectual gaze suggesting trouble assertions towards the cotton candy Earth pony.

"Um...are you the Festival Manager?" Twily asked reluctantly.

"Yes indeedy," Rosy cheerfully answered, "but that name is so boring! I like Party Pony better."

Twily's eyelids fell and her mouth couldn't have been flatter if she tried.

"Note taken," she said, unamused. Luckily, no such expression could dampen Rosy's day (or anyone else's for that matter).

The frame widened, once again revealing the eager crowd surrounding the two ponies. Twily looked back and forth, noting this observation. Leni chuckled. There was no way Twily thought anyone would miss a scene like this.

"So, I see that you have your matters in order," Twily inserted awkwardly. Silence. Why wasn't anyone saying anything. Oh man, the unicorn was just so confused, Leni thought, "in that case, I'll just move onto food and refreshments," she then glanced at her clipboard, "can you tell me where Perfect Pear Pastures is?"

Leni held her breath, darting to Linky. Here it came. While glancing at her brother, she heard Rosy laugh.

"You just got here silly," she said, using her hoof to hold back further giggling, "you wouldn't want to miss your very own 'Welcome to Maretown' Party!"

Twily's eyes widened.

"Oh," she said, stepping back, "I mean, I'm only here to oversee everything. I wouldn't want to lose time by having fun."

"This is a part of the Festival, silly," Rosy answered, the camera showing all the smiling ponies gathering around her, "we're all here, so you'll get to meet everyone you need to," she then lurched forward, "and more! You'll have so many friends, you won't be able to count them all!"

The unicorn just looked nervous. Indeed, there were other things on her mind beside the Festival (and friendship was far from being one of them). She had convinced herself that Diana was gonna break out of the moon after reading a book that foresaw doom on the thousandth anniversary of her banishment. The consequences of an eternal night were too grave to waste any time. Twily had convinced herself she needed to study this threat and hone her magic to face off against the ominous foe before it was too late.

"Uh..." she said, taking several steps back.

"Come on," Rosy said, her smile widening. That perfect face was too much for Leni, "you can check up on everyone here. They'll all be partying wit you. And most of all..."

Cutting back to Twily, the conquered thing couldn't help but sigh.

"I guess I don't have a choice," she said begrudgingly. Before the unicorn could have had a moment to process her regretful decision, she was yanked in, being flung into the crowd. Indeed, it was a hearty welcome to Maretown.

* * *

"Through your extraordinary talents, you six girls have saved me," a black alicorn said smiling, "I don't know how I can thank you."

Twily was surrounded by five other mares, each of them standing tall and proud. Even the unicorn couldn't keep herself from smiling at Princess Diana's admiration. Plus, she had made history without relying on books or magic.

"You have no idea how happy I am to be reunited with you sister," Oriana said, grinning as well. Her ethereal voice carried all the serene joy that Twily has become accustomed to. But it wasn't long before her mentor faced her, "what's wrong?"

Indeed, Twily was downtrodden, her head leaning towards the ground. Even if she could be a jerk at times, it was always sad seeing such a cute pony down in the dumps.

"It's just that I became such good friends with all you," she said, her eyes glancing at the five mares, "and now I have to go back home."

Showing a close up of her heavy eyes and depressing frown, all she could hear was Oriana's voice.

"This was actually my plan the whole time."

That was enough to grab Twily's attention. Her ears perked up and her eyes widened. Oriana gently approached her student and smiled.

"I sent you here to teach you that friendship is more important than studying," she explained calmly, "I know that you still have a lot to learn about it and her you care very much for the bonds you made during this quest."

"Aww" Rosy Cake said, squishing her cheeks.

"And with that, I have a new assignment for you," Oriana continued, locking eyes with Twily, "I would like you to stay in Ponyville and study friendship, learn everything there is to know about it," she then smiled, "I believe in you."

"I understand Princess," Twily answered formally. Her eyes glittered with pride and her chest was firm and upright, "I won't let you down."

As the pilot drew to a close, Leni invariably turned to Linky. He managed to sit through two whole episodes without speaking. Perhaps, she thought, he was so invested that he forgot he even had a voice. That was something that could happen sometimes (even to her).

"Well," Leni said eagerly, nudging her brother's shoulder, "what do you think?"

The boy shuddered (she didn't mean to touch him that hard). The bud he wore popped out of his ear, leaving it dangling with the rest of the mass.

"I was surprised," Lincoln answered frankly, "That wasn't as girly or boring as I thought it was gonna be."

At least he was paying attention, she thought. That was one thing that annoyed her with the others' blind hatred of the show. Leni knew all too well that the show wasn't edible, so it couldn't taste sweet. And there were so much more to come; that pilot was only scratching the surface of what lied ahead.

"Who's your favorite so far?" Leni asked.

"I'm not sure," Linky said, scratching his nose, "They all have their own little things going for them. I like Flying Colors because she's cool, Twily is really smart, Jewel reminds me of you," he grinned and gestures towards her.

Jewel? All this time, her mind had emphatically shouted Rosy Cake. Leni yearned to be like the party pony: mostly happy, always willing to lend a helping hoof, and knew how to make the perfect smile. Of course, like any other dream, reality was a tall obstacle to overcome. Though, she couldn't blame Linky for saying that. After all, Jewel was also a fashion designer, always carrying around tape measures, fabric, and a fancy sewing machine. She even had her own little store where she sold her creations for money. Maybe Linky was right.

"What about Rosy Cake?" Leni asked suddenly. At that point, the urge was too much to bear.

"She's alright," Lincoln said.

Alright? This was Rosy Cake they were talking about. Rosy. She had the ability to turn any occasion into a super fun party. Everyone always loved her parties and all she cared about was making others happy. To call that only aright was blasphemy, even if it was from Linky.

"She's, like, my favorite character ever," Leni said, her voice gaining strength, "by the end of this, you're gonna wanna be her. She's, like, fun ang great and super cute. Don't you think the same way?"

This had to be it. Linky would change his mind or admit he was only pretending to not like Rosy. There was no way anyone would not look on that sweet party pony and not conclude that she was objectively the best. Instead, Lincoln shrugged.

"I guess I'll just have to see more of her," he said simply, staring at the scrolling credits, "I've only seen what, one episode or so."

"Two," Leni clarified.

"Yeah. And I mean, I'm still getting used to everyone," he admitted, trying to not sound rude, "maybe she'll grow on me. But I dunno, I don't even know who my favorite is."

But then, Linky faded her and he smiled. That grin was just precious. Buck teeth, squishy cheeks, cute freckles, and that ashen white hair. Even if he couldn't yet see Rosy Cake's wonder, Leni thought that she could be an adequate substitute for the time being.

"Thanks for watching it with me," Lincoln said warmly. In the corner of her eye, she noticed his hand pressed against the mattress, nervously tapping his fingers along the upholstery, "it means a lot."

Now he was asking for it. And by the force of Oriana was he gonna get it. Leni collapses into her brother, wrapping him in an intense hug. She tossed her phone on the bed, focusing all her energy on Linky. Linky was perfect. He was everything. Not only was he gonna be loved, but he was gonna know it. Anything less was unacceptable. It was only seconds after that she realized she was also cradling him.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"Sorry? For what?" she heard her brother say.

Typical Lincoln. For all the compliments he has given to her sisters, the poor thing didn't even know how to take one. Hearing those questions emboldened her to continue.

"I didn't tell the others to knock it off when you said you liked _Princess Pony_ ," she admitted sadly as that demeaning laughter replayed in her head. She shuddered, sending the shockwaves onto her brother, "I should have done something. I should have, like, told them to leave you alone."

Suddenly, cradling wasn't enough. Leni instinctively extended her arm around the side and started rubbing Linky's back. She couldn't believe it. Not only was she forcing herself on her brother, but she was reigniting brutal memories like a kid playing with matches. A little back rubbing was the least that should have been done.

"It's okay, Leni."

No, she thought. It was getting to that point, to that dreaded area Linky loved to go down. It was his default, his lot in life. Every time she witnessed it, it was an inadvertent guilt trip, one she fell into just from caring. But now, it reciprocated those shudders, making her skin paler.

"It's not your fault," he said in that horribly sweet voice. The worst, most dreaded kind there was, "If anything, I'm sorry for taking so long to fess up to clogging the toilet, a brief pause. Perhaps that was the conclusion, Leni's chance to redeem herself. But not even that arrived. The typical voice continued, "And telling everyone about _Princess Pony_ was my choice. I own it. Even if the others never let me live to see the end of it, I'm happy that I made that decision...and given the chance, I would have done it again."

Leni's lower lip was firm. She may not have seen that adorable face, but she didn't need to. He must have been dying on the inside, crying out for help. He needed a hero, someone that would have absolved him of all this unfair trouble.

"No," Leni said, tightening her grip of her brother, "I won't let you say that. I want to help you feel better. You do all sorts of great things for us and we love you," she then took a breath, "please don't do this to yourself."

"Do what to myself?"

This was bad. He must have been so used to being battered down, that it was asking someone what the word "the" meant. The poor thing was entrenched in a world of deference and self-deprecation. Leni was horrified at that prospect. No one like Linky or her other siblings belonged in that dreaded category, subjecting themselves to the most painful of lashing and burns. Under her watch, she wasn't gonna let that happen.

"You know," Leni blurted out, trying to find a way to put it. Vocabulary wasn't on her side here (and to think she was good at making people happy), "feeling bad about yourself. You matter, Linky. You can say that what I did was not okay. You can be, like, upset at me."

"But you didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes I did! You're the one whose, like, wrong-less."

"I clogged the toilet."

"Let me help you!" she exclaimed.

The cradling intensified while Leni stared straight into the chunk of wal before her. When would her Linky understand? None of this was right. It was like he never caught a break for anything he did while she and her sisters got off scot-free. Linky got teased for all sorts of stuff. His love of comic books, Ace Savvy, video games, boy things, and wearing his underwear were among the other things he got teased for. And yet she rarely heard anything bad directed to her. Didn't the world know that she was defective, full of things that deserved such savagery Linky got for having perfectly normal interests.

Maybe if she kept pushing. If it was a matter of more hugs, Linky was gonna get it. More compliments, time together, episodes of _Princess Pony_? All of it was gonna go to Linky. Everything revolves around him. That fact was simpler than two plus two. If he couldn't see that...well, Leni felt a fresh wave of guilt for finishing that sentence.

"Leni," Linky said softly, "are _you_ okay?"

Oh no. Not that question. It was ones like those that completely derailed any effort to help out the other person (and who needed it more than Linky). Why did she need to be so abrasive with that last question? Was that really just a pathetic attempt to turn all the attention to herself? How selfish, Leni thought. This wasn't how nice people acted (then again, she was never nice to begin with).

And answering that question would have been catastrophic. How could she even begin to tell this story? Not even she fully understood the reasons. It was an enigma buried deep within, a puzzle that almost certainly had more than six colorful pieces. And even if she managed to scratch the mushy surface, any attempt to help Linky would have vanished. His focus (and everyone else's) would have been squarely on her.

The fear of things getting weird in the House, of others having to put up with a "difficult" person was too much. So much of their time would have been wasted on her, talking to her about issues, putting more thought into their every word they said to avoid hurting her feelings, thrusting them into an endless debate over the role they played in engineering this mess, and transforming what should be tolerable interactions into excruciating exercises of restraint. Leni would have transformed into the "no fun" person. Any inkling if worth she might have had left would have been destroyed by one verbal slipup.

"Yeah," she lied.

To prove it, she pulled herself back from Linky. Leni was never good at dishonesty, but she needed to smile now (even if it was only for a few seconds). Once she as pulled far enough back, he saw his confused complexion. Happy, happy, happy, she thought. Even if the smile looked crooked, it wouldn't have been out of place for her.

Several seconds passed with the two observing the other. Leni looked for any indication of her Linky letting his guard down, realizing that this night was supposed to be about him. And whatever he was looking at, she hoped that the concern he had would fade. The boy was too preoccupied with other struggles to worry about silly old Leni.

Eventually, a miracle happened. Lincoln's brows gradually rose and his right frown loosened.

"Okay," he said slowly, "but you should know I'm fine," and just like that, the lips curled into a U-shape, th best one there was, "Thanks for looking out for me."

Magically, the smile she was propping up became a little easier to manage. She couldn't stop thinking about how precious her little brother was (and how much she liked bringing that notion up).

"Yup!"

She then remembered her phone. The whole time, the thing was just lying there on the bed, ready for use. Leni eagerly snatched it, along with the headphones.

"Wanna watch the next episode?"

Lincoln stared at the device for several seconds. Was this a sign that he still harbored some doubts? Leni fretted as she watched Linky contemplate his options. But then, it all cleared out.

"Sure," he said, "Let's see some more Rosy Cake!"


	42. Sleeping Over

Nothing like wandering about the House to waste your time. Friday afternoon, early December, and nothing to do (but that didn't stop Leni from posing that question). Everyone else was off on their missions. Linky was working on a project, Lori was on her laptop again working on that essay, and that didn't even get into the others. None of them were gonna suspect her, she figured.

It wasn't like there was homework to complete. Her new projects were doing just fine, no new episodes this week, and Helen was spending the weekend at her grandma's. Well, there was that slumber party Lori talked about, but none of those people would be here for a couple hours. All Leni could hope for was that evening would turn out okay.

Would it really, though?

Leni found herself walking downstairs, passing by those same frozen portraits. She was just as stilted as ever, she thought. Luna was still cool as ever, Luan cute, Lynn noble, Linky precious, and so on. None of them (not even Lisa or Lily) ever had to think about looking good in order to be it. And then there was her. She'd rather not think about it.

But it was impossible to avoid. Sometimes, when she wasn't completely blinded by smoke, Leni was able to contemplate the fire burning in her consciousness. Even now, it didn't make a lot of sense.

Junior High was when she woke up to the reality. While she had been bathing in ignorance, others had struggled, paid money, got really worked up, and wasted valuable time to achieve some foggy pipe dream: that she (the ungrateful slob) could function in this world. Their sweat, frustration, and youthful hair had been flushed down with _nothing_ to show for it.

She changed that (or she thought she did). Leni showed Mrs. Lane that her work had produced something meaningful. She got a friend, became sort of aware of social norms, and she got off Mrs. Lane's case, never to bother her again. That meant she was good enough to be of use to everyone around her, whether it was a friendship problem or figuring things out on her own. Leni solved that problem. Right? So, she should have been happy now.

Leni sauntered past the living room. Luna and Luan were bunched together watching a movie (one Leni had never seen). Based on what she saw, there were two guys on screen talking about something they thought was important. Whatever it was, her mind pushed her away from whatever that piece of fiction was expressing.

The kitchen was surprisingly empty. Out of all the residents in this House, no one was hungry. Granted, she wasn't either, but there had to be at least someone. Leni didn't even know what she was thinking at this point.

Two and a half years of this. Leni liked to tell herself that there was a time right after she passed her examination where she was finally fulfilled, happy that she could finally do the same stuff as Lori and the others. Now, she wasn't even sure if such a time existed; this voice just persisted, growing increasingly more toxic with time. Was she just that selfish for not being satisfied? What else did the world owe her to finally have the luxury of being happy?

Leni continued to the tiny corridor outside the kitchen, where the only notable feature was a lonely door. In all her days, she only remembered a handful of times being behind it. It was Mom and Dad's room. Leni (and her siblings for that matter) knew little of what it looked like inside and expressed little interest in exploring. She had considered herself in that category too; in fact, she didn't even think about where Mom and Dad slept half the time.

Has it really gotten to this? Was Leni so miserable in her inactivity that this would pass as time well spent? Mom and Dad wouldn't mind, right? Leni did think it was pathetic that she wasn't sewing or writing fanfiction. But right now, she was just drained, as if she couldn't do anything. And besides, she had convinced herself that none of her siblings would bother her in there.

She turned the door until she heard a click and slowly entered. No one was in there, despite the fact that Vanzilla was in the driveway.

The room itself was different from her own. It was the same size and included a walk-in closet, but instead of two normal beds, there was one giant one slapped along the middle. The area also had a larger bureau than the one in her room, brown and carrying larger mirrors.

Leni didn't understand what it was about this place that kept the others out. Perhaps it was just the assumption that it was a boring, stuffy space with no toys and filled with hideous antiques. But her first impressions weren't half bad. Sure, the blankets were a bit old-fashioned for her liking, however she wasn't the one using it.

As she pushed aside further inquiries at why she was in here, Leni decided to do some exploring. Who knew what lied in here? Indeed, just some general scanning revealed some old photos of her parents (they looked so cute when they were together). Also strewn about were miscellaneous items: dirty clothes, paper wads, books, and all sorts of stuff. She supposed her parents were people too.

It was an interesting array of items. Those silly questions kept getting stuffed deeper and deeper within. Did it really matter why she was in here anyway? For once, it was a break from her routine, a chance to take a breath. Leni wanted there to be no harm with that, that there was at least something she could do that wasn't immediately labeled "wrong".

But one object did make her pause. Resting on the edge of the bureau was a large black bag. Leni had seen it before, usually in the kitchen or the dining room (and always by her Mom's side). What made it so special was a question even she didn't have a good answer for. Against all odds, though, she moved her body towards it. Now was as good a time as ever to find out.

Leni approached the bag and ran her hand along the outside. Her palm picked up the sticky bumps of the leather exterior. It was a luxury that Mom owned this thing to begin with. Her other hand became preoccupied by the gold zipper running along the top. It was closed (but not for long, she thought). She swiveled her head, insuring that no one was in sight. Once she was cleared, Leni cooly unzipped the bag and perked inside.

The interior was anything but organized. The articles were completely jammed in, more disorganized than those that made up the surrounding bedroom. Rouge, lipstick, eyeliner were all cluttered in there readily visible. It took her several seconds to connect the dots. This appeared to be Mom's makeup bag.

As she picked up some red lipstick, her eyes narrowed. This was a lot like the stuff Lori would put on. Her big sister was into makeup like nobody's business; she's throw it on, use various sticks and brushes to cultivate her face into something attractive (even if it was artificial).Why, though? Lori looked fine just the way she was.

All her life, Leni's conception of beauty focused entirely on the clothes. It didn't matter what color your cheeks was or whether your eyes "popped" so long as you put on the right top or shoes. There were only a handful of times when her Mom helped her put it on before big events, but she herself didn't have her own kit or knowledge on applying it.

Was that really the way to go? These days, she saw strange colors even at school. Lori wore it, as did Carol and a lot of girls in her classes. Whenever she heard a group talk about going to the Mall, Leni guessed (surprisingly correctly) that each of them had some complexion-altering product carefully applied across their face. And they weren't just wearing it; their exploits at the Mall also entailed discussion of the best brands of lipstick or rouge. It was like makeup was equal to clothes when it came to fashion.

That seemed to be the missing link, the thing that set her apart from all those other girls (the ones that have more than one friend). Leni had never asked for popularity or five hundred people to ask her how her days was. But at the same time, she wanted to be able to reach their level, to not be someone others are obligated to deal with.

Maybe this was the way. If she started wearing makeup, they would stop seeing her as a baby. The thought hadn't crossed her mind before, but now that it had, she felt horrible for not seeing it.

Leni wanted to tell herself makeup was the key to respect, to others not being bogged down, that this lipstick would magically turn yellow and shiny (or maybe it would transform into a Bobby pin). It was about time she taught it for herself.

She popped off the lipstick's lid, exposing the red glossy rod. After examining it real quick, Leni closed her eyes and started stroking it against her lids. It took a little bit to get used to the pressure and expansive surface area of the stick, but it wasn't anything too bad (or at least not as bad as whatever it was she felt).

This was gonna make her better, Leni told herself. Once everyone saw how grown up she looked, people would start liking her for real and they'll like spending time with her. They'll think she's smart and someone they can come to when they need help. And then, everything would be fine. Leni pushed herself to believe she was jiggling the red Bobby pin, trying to find just the right fit.

 _"You need to be good!"_

As she stroked the red stuff onto her eyelids, Leni repeated this mantra until she felt nauseous. Leni was tired of feeling worthless. She was tired of being dumb, of always having to be corrected. For once, she was the one to find the mistake and fix it once and for all. All she needed was an immaculate face with bold colors in just the right spots. The experience was liberating.

The door clicked open, stunning her. Her hand froze. Her ears tried to parse the sound, register its source. But that was tough to do with her eyes closed. Besides, someone beat her to it.

"Leni?!" she heard her Mom say.

She jerked back, her eyes finally opening. Indeed, Mom was in her doorway, her face appearing as if she just saw a big, hairy spider.

"What are you doing?!"

That was a great question that lacked a satisfying answer. Leni stared at the lipstick and only saw an ordinary cosmetic. What was she talking about? Of course this thing couldn't possibly be a key to wholeness. It was just another product of her arbitrary investigation.

Leni glanced to the mirror beside her. The area surrounding her eyes were splattered with red. This was supposed to make her look good? It had to be because it was makeup. Unless, of course, Leni really was that broken (that not even lipstick could have saved her).

It was such a disappointment. In the moment, the promise was there, something she could literally hold in her hand. Leni sighed as her head lowered. She knew she should have given an answer, but her mind had no words planned out. Not that there was time to plan ones out anyway.

With the initial shock out of the way, Mom's face cooled down. Her eyes returned to their usual aura, one of caring and tranquility. Mom's arms retreated to their sides as she carefully made her way to her.

"Are you alright, honey?" she asked gently.

Was this "Mess Up Month" or something? Not only has she failed to improve on anything, but now Leni was slipping in something so fundamental. This must have been the third or fourth time she broke the "Dont make others ask" rule. It was sacred, the one contribution she made to the House; for all her failures and worthless emotions, Leni at least understood that she needed to keep it to herself.

Mom had a million important duties she had to attend to. She had work during the days, Lily to feed and change diapers and put to bed. Mom also had to watch over the others, making sure Lori was up to date on her college applications, that Luna was getting the attention she deserved, that Luan was responsible with her earnings from Funny Business, that Lynn understood all the weird stuff happening to her body, that Linky felt loved, that Lucy was happy, that Lana and Lola got along, and that Lisa was able to make friends. That was a lot for one person to take on, even when she had an equally awesome partner like Dad.

Mom didn't have time for this pointless enterprise. Leni had already eaten up enough of her parents' energy with all those years of glaring defects that needed to be "worked out". Even at sixteen, Leni didn't feel better about herself. But that was her problem now. And Mom didn't need the burden of knowing her compassionate efforts had been for naught. It shouldn't be this way for Mom.

"Leni," Rita said, her voice tightening, "is there something wrong?"

She realized that she was still staring at the lipstick. This shouldn't have been the question her Mom was posing. Lily would have received a bigger punishment for the same charge (she had seen it play out before). What made this instance so different? Was she really just bad at keep her issues to herself? Leni knew she couldn't speak. There was no way the truth could ever come out (or at least what pieces she knew about). But any attempt to lie would have dug this hole deeper. Her Mom didn't need to be digging at this hour.

But in this tension between two worlds, Leni was forced into inaction. All she could do is look at the lipstick, glaze over the tiny words transcribed on the handle. In that moment, that was her honest effort to do right.

"Does it have to do with the makeup in my bag?" Mom asked, now inches away. This was a test or something. Maybe this was Mom's way of getting relief, by egging her own daughter into messing up even more.

Leni broke eye contact with the instrument. Mom's face appeared gently inquisitive. Mom stared at her, gaining a particularly confidence glance. Leni wasn't sure why this subtle change happened.

"Did you want me to teach you how to put it on?" She asked.

Leni thought about that question. It was an odd one as far as she was concerned.

"Yes," Leni blurted out.

Where did that come from? First makeup was the answer, then it wasn't. So now it was again? Leni's mind went into overload trying to resolve that one, but by then, Mom had already removed the lipstick from her hand.

"First, we should get that stuff off your eyes. It doesn't go there," Mom said, smiling at the end.

Leni watched solemnly as her Mom scorched into her bag and pulled out a cloth along with a case. Mom opened it and brushed the white cloth along its powdery surface. And then it hit her like a collapsing wall of bricks. This was gonna be a while, an extended period of her own mother taking time out of the day to deal with her. Leni conjured up some hypothetical situations. Maybe Lynn had a big game that day that she needed driving to (and someone to cheer for). What if little Lisa needed to get up to the top cabinet to grab a snack? Everyone else's business was being put on hold...for what reason again? For makeup, something Leni never bothered with before.

Why couldn't she be normal, she asked herself.

Mom, though, was giving her "obligatory" smile as she dabbed the moist cloth across the top of Leni's face. Indeed, Leni had to shut up and accept her punishment.

"Don't worry, sweetie," Mom said tenderly, "once we're through, you will feel as beautiful as you truly are!"

* * *

Not much happened in the few hours leading to the girls' arrival. Leni opted to plop herself in the living room while her glazed eyes absorbed whatever was projected in front of her.

Her face still felt sticky even though that stuff has been off for a while. It was a little uncomfortable, but she wasn't gonna let that sour her mood.

Various people filed in and out of the room, going on and off the couch. Whenever they stopped by, they asked if Leni was watching anything in particular. Telling them no, they gleefully switched the station to whatever it was they wanted. One hour it was a basketball game, another it was a show about ghosts and spiders (causing her to dart behind the couch, shivering). Once that nightmare was over, it went back to cartoons. Thankfully, Lana wasn't teasing with the jubilant one-liners of Rosy Cake. It was one of those shows she liked.

There was that bunny in the orange shirt again pacing back and forth in his tiny bedroom. His face was wrecked by panic.

"Oh no! My big carrot project is due tomorrow! I leave my door open for five minutes and it goes missing! Where did it go?" Harrison lamented, his face collapsing into his shaky paws.

A thud interrupted the poor bunny's anxiety attack. His ears shot up and his head jerked back and forth. Another thud startled him again.

"When did this place get a wall?" a slow, dragging, high-pitched voice uttered.

And just like that, the boy's fear melted away. His brows fell and clumped together, his expression switching to annoyed relief. Harrison sighed as he opened his door, allowing a taller bunny to fall in. This second character was difficult to describe (physically at least). Shoes dangled from her ears as she struggled to get back on her feet (even with Harrison's help). Her outfit was clearly on backwards and inside out (how often did you see the tag right under your chin?). Furthermore, she only had one sock on (polka dot and was all bunched up at her ankle). Leni chuckled at the bunny's silly appearance.

"Um...hi Betty," he said, even though the bunny was clearing facing the opposite wall, "have you seen my carrot project by chance?"

"I have fun. Look!" she replied, swinging her arms, "I think of way to...um...I dunno, but I have funny doing it!"

One of Harrison's eyebrows lurched upwards.

"What were you doing, Betty?"

The taller bunny then gave an obnoxiously big smile. Leni had no idea anyone (person or bunny) could stretch their lips as far out as that. But the jarring image was there, playing out before her eyes.

"I make shirt of orange like that," Betty said, pointing to her brother's baseball cap, "I find orange and break it into little tiny, little tiny pieces. And then...um..." she then paused. As she stood there silently, drool slipped out of her lips, a trail sliding onto her outfit, "oh wait...um...I thought that was for sandwich. But it tasted so good. It was carrot!"

Harrison jumped in the air.

"You ate it?!"

Another bunny slipped in, carrying a Ziplock bag. This one was roughly the same size as Betty, the latter of whom just stood there, looking at nothing in particular. And that smile. It wouldn't let up for anything.

"I'm sorry," Barbara said regretfully, "by I time I got back to my room, it was too late," she then slowly handed the bag to her brother. Inside was a sad pile of orange dust and shards, "This was all that could be salvaged...I'm sorry."

The camera zoomed in on Harrison's watering eyes. All his hard work had been destroyed in an instant. Leni felt weird watching this all transpire.

"No!" Harrison cried, collapsing to the ground.

"Hi doggy," Betty said cheerfully, waving her arm and forth, her torso shifting with it.

By now, Harrison was pounding his fist against the carpet. In any other situation, he would have recoiled from the pain wracking his knuckles. But anger and devastation did funny things to people; it made restraints like that get pushed aside, left for a later, more tranquil time.

"I can't believe this!" Harrison exclaimed, "Betty, how can you be so stupid?!"

"Hey!" Barbara interjected. The oldest bunny marched to Harrison and hoisted him up, her paws gripping his armpits. The boy frightened up at Barbara's glare, "That is no way to talk to your big sister!"

The camera cut to the two of them side by side. In the middle of the background was Betty, who was still standing there. Did she fall asleep with her eyes open, Leni asked herself as she watched.

"But she messed up my project," Harrison cried, trying desperately to defend himself, "why aren't you yelling at her?"

"That's what you get for leaving your door open, twerp!" Barbara shot back, shaking her brother, "you know that Betty will go to anything big and fancy like your dumb paper-mache carrot."

Indeed, Betty had already moved on from the confrontation. As they spoke, she was staring at Harrison's window, scratching her soft paws against the glass like a dog.

"Why can't Betty be smart?" Harrison asked, frustrated, pointing at her sister at play, "or at least not like that!"

Both of them knew Betty wasn't strong enough to break the glass (or even open the window). Still, Harrison couldn't help himself. He was just so mad.

"Because twerp," Barbara said sharply, shaking him once more, "that's just who she is. Nothing will ever change that. No school, advice, friends, or anything. As her family, we just have to put up with whatever silly thought pops in her head. And if she thinks your dumb carrot is a sandwich, you just have to roll with it. So shut up and admit it's _your_ fault!"

Barbara looked like she was about to pulverize Harrison (all because he was wronged). But alas, he sighed.

"You're right. I'm the stupid one," he said.

"And?"

Harrison glanced at his second oldest sister, who had resorted to licking the glass. That stain was gonna need some cleaning, he thought. But that didn't matter. And realizing his mistake, he sighed.

"It's my fault that my project got destroyed," Harrison added.

Just like that, Barbara's face lightened up. She gently lowered her brother on the ground, giving him room to shake out the tremors Barbara had given him. At last, everything was back to normal.

"Good boy," Barbara said contented. She even went the extra step of patting him on his covered head.

Leni turned to Lana, whose cheery eyes were glued to the screen. Such was the case when she saw the _Rabbit Hole_ ; it truly was her favorite show on television. So if it was so good, why didn't Leni feel the same way?

She didn't have the peace of mind she would have gotten from some of the shows she watched. _Rabbit Hole_ had nothing like Rosy Cake or even Stuttersneeze. She wasn't better having sat through that. Not that it mattered, of course, given Lana's jubilation. The girl had every right to laugh at Betty; that bunny really was too pathetic to ignore.

The temptation to talk briefly surfaced. Maybe there was a chance to clear up some of the confusion Leni had with her younger sister. But just as quickly, the urge fell away. Couldn't she just let her sister enjoy life without being bogged down by her desperate inquiries? Lana was just a kid for crying out loud (even though she wasn't speaking). Leni concludes the best thing to do was smile, try to laugh along with Lana throughout the rest of the program. Maybe then would she learn that there were more important things than her stupid feelings.

Eventually, the door bell rang. It jolted her heart more than usual. Her back shot up, firmly set parallel to the couch's cushion. Leni couldn't move.

"Coming!" she heard Lori shout, her voice bouncing against the stairs' walls. And so it was established: Lori was gonna fetch the door for her friends. It was for the best anyhow.

Within several seconds flew downstairs and flung open the door. A cacophony of high-pitched greetings broke out in the foyer, the clashing sound waves bursting into the living room. Leni didn't mind. The only thing she had to do right then was to sit still and let Lori do the work. That's how it was supposed to be.

The clump of excited teenage girls shifted towards the living room, moving as a slow yet rigid block. For whatever reason, Lana turned off the TV by herself and walked away. All Leni could think was that the poor girl hadn't done anything wrong. She was just a kid watching a show that she liked. Leni would have loved for her to stay and keep doing her thing.

Leni was still sitting straight up, trying her best to remain attentive. After all, these were _Lori's_ guests and she didn't want her antics to ruin _their_ fun. Between the interjecting voices, she pieced together some chatter about boyfriends (Bobby's name came up at several points) and the latest Boyz Will Be Boyz album. It was noisy, fast, and hard to follow. Leni, though, did her best to follow.

"So girls," Lori said eagerly, "Leni will be joining us tonight!"

Upon hearing her name, Leni twisted herself, trying to dig her wrist into the couch's top. Indeed, there were five other girls beside her. Leni felt this funny feeling in her throat as she noticed all their eyes pointing at her. But it wasn't jus that they were staring. They were smiling too. Some of them were bigger than life, the type that she would see people use on commercials. So wide, so tight, and so shiny. Leni couldn't bring herself to reciprocate that grand expression.

"Hi everyone," Leni said softly.

"Hi Leni," all of them replied in unison. Even Lori was in on it. Was this something they always did when they met someone new?

In any case, the experience felt weird. Leni shouldn't have been having these heart flutters when people were just being nice to her (supposing they meant it).

"I'm Whitney," one of the girls said excitedly.

"I'm Erica!"

"Amelia," she said, waving her hand.

"Tyra."

"Stephanie."

They all appeared happy enough, considering they all surrounded Lori. And yet between all of them, there was a huge elephant in the room (and no peanuts or clowns or stuff). Leni wondered where Carol was. Maybe she was busy that night or something. In any case, it was off-putting. To think that there was the chance of having someone she already knew involved. Not to say that these girls didn't appear nice, though.

Without any need for further introduction nor an "intruding" figure, the girls piled around the front of the couch, squishing themselves into the tight space. For a House this big, Leni should have known better than to be surprised at the increasingly tight quarters. But with each new addition, she was pushed against the armrest, pinched by multiple girls chatting up a storm.

Unable to move from her spot, Leni spectated on much of the discussion. Despite her best efforts, much of the content was forgotten just as quickly as it was spoken. One minute it was on government class, the next it was about visiting older friends in college, then something about boyfriends. Her head became filled with foreign names, unknown places, unusual inside jokes, and sassy comments. Leni wished she had some knowledge about this stuff; that could have lended itself to a comment.

But alas, she didn't have that knowledge. Merely keeping up the conversation was already a task on its own, let alone participating. And it wasn't like she could have gotten a word in anyhow. The moment one girl finished talking, another immediately (without a break) interjected with her own thoughts. It quickly became disorienting.

"And then Bobby literally ran out of work just to deliver me flowers," Lori said

"Aww," all the girls cheered. That was probably one thing Leni could have said; even she knew who Bobby was.

Just then Lori's phone buzzed.

"OMG! A new text!"

The oldest Loud eagerly opened the lock screen and examined the message. Just as quickly as her eyes glazed across the blurb, her face transformed into uncontrollable excitement.

"His boss gave him the night off," Lori announced with bated breath, although her teeth clamped down on her lower lip, "and he's coming over here!"

It was like Bobby had become the most popular person in the House (heck, even all of Royal Woods). The five friends were hugging each other, shaking violently. Leni tried her best to open her mouth, as if that was enough to get her riled up as well. It kinda worked; the longer she screamed, the more naturally the art came.

Even though she didn't catch a time for when he would arrive, Leni was pretty happy that Another would be joining their ranks. He probably had some funny stories to share about his job (though she lost track of what that was currently was) and his adorable little sister Ronnie Anne (since she was one of Linky's "friends").

"My hair is literally a mess!" Lori exclaimed, her animated face twisted with panic. Her iron fists gripped clumps of the blonde coiffure.

"Totes!" Erica replied, equally panicked. The girl pushed her way up and swung behind the couch. Leni heard a zipper come undone, followed by some shuffling and mumbling. Eventually, Erica emerged carrying a hairblower and other related instruments, "anyone need one?"

Before Leni could have processed it all, the girls squabbled up. The sudden opening of space on the couch was comforting. And yet, the chatter resumed as each of the girls went to their bags and pulled out their things. Was this a planned activity, Leni asked herself. If it was, Lori certainly didn't announce it.

And Lori was a confusing figure in all this. Rather than joining her friends, her big sister went to the base of the steps. Leni watched as she stood on the first step.

"I'm gonna do mine in the bathroom!" she shouted over all the noise. Lori's head then shifted to the left, locking in on her, "Leni's got some great tips if you wanna look fab!"

Just like that, her sister was gone like the flash, leaving Leni to her own thoughts. She was good at hair?

Well...she supposed she had some idea. While makeup was still a novelty for her, hair care was surprisingly a high priority for her (second to clothes). Leni knew how to use all the tools they had in the House and she had a pretty good idea of what the good shampoo brands were. But tips? Stuff that she knew that these other girls didn't also know? That was a big statement.

Leni stood up and eyed the stairwell. She knew where her hair supplies were. If only she could get to them.

"Hi!" Erica said, jumping out in front of Leni. Once again, she gave that commercial woman smile, "you look like you could use a hairblower."

It was like the girl read Leni's mind.

"Yes. I was, like, going up-"

"You can use mine!" Erica eagerly said, holding up the instrument, "It's brand new! Plus, I have an extra, so it's no worries!"

An odd request. Erica certainly didn't need to go that far, especially for someone like her. But in spite of all she was dealing with, Leni could tell Erica at least meant well. Besides, she didn't want to diss one of Lori's friends. She attempted to smile as well.

"Thanks," Leni said simply, taking the hair blower, "I'm just, like, gonna go upstairs and get my curling iron. I have my own."

"Oh. Okay!"

Erica headed back to her friends, who by now had all their things out (including bottles of shampoo). Wasting no time, Leni rushed upstairs to her room. It was a short commute filled with a visual recollection of the tools' location.

Indeed, once she arrived in there, Leni rushed to the closet and found a box sitting on the floor against the wall. Cracking open the plastic lid was the easy part. Sure enough, all her brushes and electronic hair supplies were stashed inside. They were all clumped together. The only two objects she thought about was her curling iron and her pink hairbrush (that one was her favorite). The search was longer than she hoped, but eventually Leni fished out both objects in a sea of metal and cords.

Relieved at her discovery, Leni pressed both things against her chest and rushed out of the room, neglecting the lonely lid. The others were waiting for her. Lori was too, As was Bobby. The fate of the whole evening rested on her looking as good as could and insuring that everyone else had the time to do the same. She feared the grave consequences of failure.

Sure enough, she found them in the kitchen. All their supplies were scattered across the kitchen table. Underneath the given constant (chatter) was the sound of running water. One of the girls (Leni assumed her name was Stephanie) had her head under the faucet, allowing the water to soak her hair. By her side were two large purple bottles. It was then that it registered that this girl was both lucky and fancy. Whenever Leni went to the Mall, Lori (or Mom) barred her from purchasing that specific brand since it was "expensive". Either way, Stephanie was gonna look totes great once she was done.

It was only then that Leni realized she forgot her own shampoo. Those bottles were just sitting inside the shower, mixed in with all the other products everyone else used. It was the only brand she was comfortable with, the only one she knew would guarantee the hair she was used to.

"Hi Leni," Stephanie said, pulling her hair out from under the sink. It was incredibly shiny despite its moistness, "you can go next," she added. Her kind hand gestures to the sink.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Totes," Stephanie answered. All the other girls (never giving up on those giant grins) nodded like bobble heads, "you can even use my shampoo."

The girl swiped the bottle and basically shoved it right into Leni's arms, not even giving a chance to place down her other things. Leni blushed. The hair blower was already too much, but this was going over the top.

"What are you waiting for?" Stephanie said excitedly, "your hair will transform before you even know it!"

There was no turning back now. After all, when she herself had done so little to rectify this injustice, she was condemned to this persistent guilt and discomfort.

Leni silently placed down her tools and approached the sink. It was weird sticking her head under the narrow faucet. As she turned on the water and let the thick streams run down her scalp, she couldn't stop thinking about the metal faucet lying just inches above. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable.

Normally, Leni enjoyed long showers. Between basking in the hot water and making sure the shampoo dig deep into her hair, each morning was a long and peaceful experience. But this wasn't a shower (or at least it didn't feel like one). Leni realized that others were waiting for her and to keep them up was a horrible offense (so much for thank you). She only had enough time to dab a little of the product into her hair and wash the foam down. Within two minutes, she was done. Erica even handed her a towel to mat down the water.

Rather than watching the others, Stephanie promptly escorted her into the living room (Leni was lucky to snatch her supplies before hand). At first, it was only the two of them in there.

"Okay," Stephanie said, "what you need to do first is plug the hair blower in," she then plugged her own in, "if you don't do this, the blower won't turn on."

 _"Don't you dare get snippy,"_ Leni told herself in the midst of internal annoyance. Did she really come across as that incompetent to others? Clearly, she concluded. And that was never the other person's fault. Leni knew she had to be better in order to stop receiving this punishment. Indeed, Leni followed the directions.

Leni presses the power button and a gust of hot air blasted against her face. It took several seconds for her hand to properly prop the device into her hair. The damp blonde strands blew gracefully. As Stephanie said, this blower felt brand new. The current was much more powerful than the ancient hunk of metal she was used to. Stephanie really was too generous for her own good.

Gradually, more girls entered the room. Most of the girls (in addition to their supplies) also brought their own surge protectors and extension cords. It was as if their electricity sources acted as a key to entry. Occasionally, Leni caught sight of the growing volume of wires. Such a reality became painfully apparent given how all of them were plugged into the same outlet. That poor thing was the only outlet in the room left (one was used to hook up the TV and the other to power the desktop). It got to the point where surge protectors were being plugged into other surge protectors.

Soon enough, the five friends were all in the room powering their hair blowers, leaving a giant gusting sound swirling about the room. Meanwhile, their curling irons were plugged in for the sake of heating up (it didn't come out immediately). Underneath all of it was more chatter, most of it directed among the five girls. While Leni occasionally made a comment or one word grunt (Totes was a favorite of her's), she mostly remained quiet. The others weren't addressing her and nothing she could have said could have enlivened this lovely discussion. Not that she minded all that much. Besides, this new hair blower produced the same warming comfort the shower did.

Yet as more and more minutes passed, Lori never emerged. At first, Leni presumed that her big sister opted for a full shower and makeover before the makeover (or something). Yet despite this, she soon remembered Bobby's text. Wasn't he supposed to arrive at some point? Maybe he was just running late. Maybe Ronnie Anne was having a little trouble getting to bed and Bobby needed to take care of her (how sweet of him, she thought).

Eventually, Leni concluded that her hair was sufficiently blown. Much of her hair felt crispy and dry, just as it was supposed to.

"Okay," Leni exclaimed, trying her best to grab their attention, "were done with the blow dry bar, time to curl!"

Remembering that her own curling iron lied cold on the carpet, Leni realized what she needed to do. Leni eagerly grabbed and raced over to the outlet. By now, it was an intricate hunk of metal and shiny cord-like material. There had to be at least ten plugs in that one outlet (not to mention all the other stuff normally running in the House). But her one simple plug seemed like practically nothing in the giant electric conglomerate. Besides, she needed to get her hair curled somehow. Unable to contain her anticipation any longer, Leni jammed the plug into the nearest opening she could find.

Several sparks sputtered out of the narrow slits separating the metal prong from the specific opening she had chosen. Everything turned to black. The chorus of hair blowers was abruptly cut off. And confused voices (loud and soft rang through the House).

"Leni Loud!"

She nervously turned towards the kitchen, where the sound appeared to be coming from. Dad's voice sent shivers down her spine. The entire space was too dark to make out anything, though. Leni's heart raced in the midst of this chaos.

Leni heard the bathroom door open and a rapid succession of footsteps. Pounding at the front door broke out as well.

"Lori! Are you okay in there?!"

Bobby? It sounded like him and if it was, the timing could not have been worse. Leni felt sick.

"I'm okay Boo Boo Bear," Lori exclaimed, out of breath and panicked. Despite that, Leni was able to piece that her big sister was the one racing downstairs. What she couldn't decipher was the person heading down the stairs afterwards (mixed in with something metal-y clinking along. Luckily, a narrow beam of light flashed against the walls, shifting downwards with each step. At one point, the light shone in her direction. Leni guarded her eyes from the blinding shine.

"Just as I thought," she heard, "a blown fuse."

Leni thought it must be Lana given that voice (or Lola). The steps continued, along with that clinking. And then it gradually came together. Lana was the only person it could have been.

"I think I can fix it," Lana said after some more walking, "I just need to head down to the basement."

"Okay. Lori, go down with her," Dad said.

She heard more footsteps followed by a door swinging open. Lori's friends slowly resumed their chat, mostly about how their hair was "totes ruined" and "literally unwatchable".

Leni was compelled to gravitate towards the kitchen. She didn't like hearing how the girls were suffering with this powerless darkness. None of this had to happen, especially not after they had all been so civil to her. Thy deserved nothing but the best (and if she thought this was the best, then she really must have been a lost cause).

A pudgy barrier intruded her walk, causing her to stumble. So that's where Dad was.

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" she said regretfully.

"What were you thinking?" Lynn Sr demanded. He didn't shout, but there was a punch to his whispers. Each syllable was lethally sharp, "you can't be plugging all that stuff on! That causes the power to go out!"

Her entire body was on fire. She wanted to break free from these confines just to cool down, to get all this weight off her shoulders. Leni couldn't bear the brunt of the responsibility, the knowledge that her actions had caused this dysfunction. It was the most disgusting feeling she could imagine (and the reality was far worse).

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she repeated desperately. The more she said it, the more her head pulsated. It was filled with an unintelligible mess of sound. Her Dad was screaming her name, her own voice kept reminding her it was her fault, Lori was giving unspoken tirade she anticipated, and the girls were posing a hypothetical chat session about how lame this sleepover had become because of her.

It became all the more nightmarish when the lights spontaneously popped on. Her Dad's was still marked by lines and tension, even though some of them were fading away with each passing second. Leni couldn't bear to meet his eyes, forcing her to look away. She scarcely saw all the cords on the ground unplugged. But just as quickly, the sight became blurred and darkened.

"Do you know what you did wrong?" Dad asked softly, although some of the words still remained pointed.

"Yes," Leni answered shakily. Her hand clung to one of her eyes, rubbing it. Was it tears she was trying to clear out? No. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was beyond unacceptable.

"Leni," he then said, placing a hand on her shoulder, "it's gonna be okay. Look! The power's back on."

The biggest challenge now was to remain quiet. She already messed up once today with Mom, having wasted all that time. The fuse was a whole separate issue, one that would have been devastating if it were isolated. Now, though, to make a scene in front of Dad and within earshot if others was too much. It was a cry for help, for others to make more sacrifices towards a cause that was already lost.

Her throat was so constricted, she felt like she was gonna choke on her own air. Using her other hand, Leni covered her quivering lips (one nuance she was lucky enough to notice).

"What happened?" she heard Lori whisper (poorly) from the other room.

"I dropped the ball on that one," Stephanie admitted, her voice also low, "I plugged in all my stuff at once...and just set everyone else to follow me."

"Well That may have just ruined the whole plan. How am I gonna make it up to my sister now?"

"Can't you just tell her it wasn't her fault," Erica suggested, "she'll believe you."

Her Dad wrapped her arms around her. Leni was stunned by the sudden gesture. Just like that, she had messed up again. What kind of monster was she, Leni asked herself.

"Well...will she? I mean...did she know I was in the bathroom the whole time?" Lori asked.

"Maybe...um...oh...," Stephanie said, "maybe she didn't."


	43. White Winter

Lori found it hard to blink. Every muscle in her body was aching, especially her fingers. She hoped Bobby wouldn't give her gloves; he'd be happier if he got her something she could use once this whole slog was over.

Why did she wait until right before Christmas break to pull everything together? How were all those days she set aside for herself wasted on texting, social media, and half-hearted writing? Lori knew her essays needed polishing. It wasn't like she was a great poet like Lucy. But such was the price to pay now, even though it was eleven at night.

It was so difficult to concentrate. Her typing became a monotonous, automatic motion. Lori killed for a coffee, anything that could get her head back in the game. Unfortunately, it was nearly impossible to make the trek at such a quiet hour without waking someone up (it was times like these where she especially cursed the House's creaky steps and rickety kitchen appliances.

Of course, Leni wouldn't be disturbed by the bed screeching. She was a heavy sleeper as it was and if Lori was particular in her positioning and angle, she could slide off the mattress without a single spring being pressed. But then, the door was likely to wake up Luna or Luna (who were literally at the opposite side of the corridor). But of course, if she swung it quickly enough, the rusty bolts responsible for the squeaking couldn't react. And then maybe if she sat on the steps and slid down it, then the individual steps wouldn't be an issue (what a funny image to have).

And just like that, Lori snapped back to attention. She had wasted a solid minute just thinking about coffee. Sleep was gonna have be pushed off even further.

Lori exhaled as her eyes recentered on what she had written. The 650 word limit was a conundrum in of itself. It took her forever to work up the courage to fill her heart's content to that maximum figure. And yet, as she re-read the essay, it didn't feel like enough. Lori was far from being at peace with herself; she wished she had a whole book to pour all her grievances, reflections, and thoughts on every facet of her seventeen-year existence. It sure felt like a full lifetime has befallen her. Watching ten other people being born and growing up was something others didn't see until they were well into adulthood, let alone on the verge of that milestone.

Of course, it wasn't just the word limit. Her English teacher had given her some rigid instructions on how to appeal to admission officers, which of course forced her to cut back on certain details.

And most of all, she was just tired. The deadline was near and she couldn't waste any more time on this application, let alone the essay.

This was the best Lori could muster together. It was the best she could do. Maybe her foggy mind couldn't internalize the "genius" her writing was (the admission officers were bound to see it). And it wasn't like she had to get into every school. Just one would be nice. She was good enough for that.

 _"Right?"_

Convincing herself of this notion, Lori copied and pasted her final work into the online application. Luckily for her, all the schools she was applying to (safety and reach) used the same website for this purpose. Once she plugged in her universal essay, all she had to do was fire off the single application to every school.

As Lori wrapped everything up, she encountered a text box.

"Are you sure you want to submit? Changes cannot be made after submission."

There wasn't much of a choice. The deadline was literally in less than hour. And besides, it wasn't that bad. Lori knew Harvard was a non-starter, but there had to be some other school willing to accepti this.

Sighing, she hit submit.

* * *

 _"Marry Krismus :)"_ Leni typed into her phone.

She couldn't believe it. For once, Leni actually woke up before Lori on the most magical day of the year. Usually, it was her big sister rushing her out of bed so that Mom and Dad would get the morning started sooner.

Helen, though, was an only child (Leni knew that) and she tended to wake up early (as far as she could tell). Hopefully she would catch the message at this hour. But then again, the circumstances Leni found herself in were pretty unusual. How did she know Helen wasn't snoozing off, having magical dream adventures with Rosy Cake?

Leni had asked for several things this year (mostly clothes and shoes) that she was very excited to receive. Just thinking about how amazing she was gonna look was enough to make her fingers flutter along the edge of her blanket. So what was she waiting for? If the roles were reversed, there would have been nudging, shouting, neverending motion until Leni reluctantly rolled out of bed.

And here she was, wide awake while her big sister was out like a rock. Oddly enough, there was something soothing about this situation.

Juding by the silence enveloping her, Leni assumed she was the first one awake. Glancing out the window, the sky was a beautifuly soft orange tint. Without any clouds to obstruct the light or noise to disrupt the peace, Leni felt like she was in a euphoric paradise. No one was there to judge, nothing to complain was there, and (after all) it was Christmas.

That one day was enough to carry the thread through the years of tradition, bonding together the simpler, happier Leni that used to make her way around. She was so innocent, free from burden or responsibility. And for once, Leni had the privilege to relive that idyllic self. No meanie was gonna stop her. Not today.

"Merry Christmas. I'm glad that you are awake," she read from Helen.

 _"U 2"_ Leni wrote back.

With nothing else to do, Leni reclined in her bed. It felt so toasty under the blankets and upon the (relatively) soft mattress.

 _"My Mom got me another stuffed puppy! He's white and fluffy!"_

Leni smiles just thinking about it. Helen really knew how to have good taste in gifts. It must have been as soft and cuddly as Blacky was. Blacky was so adorable, even thinking about him now was difficult to do sitting still. She hoped Mrs. Egan has been taking good care of him, even though it's been years. Leni wondered how her former teacher was doing now. Did she still remember her?

As she lost herself in this self-induced stroll down memory lane, Leni typed back "Aww," not caring about how her thumb wouldn't stop tapping the "w" key.

A blaring sound rang out across the room. Leni accidentally dropped her phone, letting it plop on the pillow. As she registered the fact that she had flinched, her eyes became impossible to close. Her heart pound, the accelerating thuds threatening to break out of her body.

Just like that, the sound ceased. Leni jerked her head to the right, noticing a drowsy Lori fiddling with her own phone. Oh right, she remembered, her big sister kept an alarm clock on her phone. It sure looked liked she had just woken up, given her heavy eyes and imprecise hands. Didn't she realize what day it was?

Well, as nice as the tranquility was, it was time to spend time with the family. From now until night, Leni was left to nothing but her siblings, parents, and even a few other relatives (maybe Pop Pop would be allowed out of the Home to visit).

Knowing this big in mind and in body, Leni threw off her sheets, only to recoil at the sudden chill. After all, it was technically winter.

"Merry Christmas Lori," Leni said excitedly.

All she heard were tired groans and half-words. This wasn't the Lori she was used to on a Christmas Day. If anything, Leni was the one that was slow to get up. It was a miracle that the snugness she found herself under didn't make her fall back asleep. It didn't feel right to be the one to do this.

The next question confronting her was whether she would persist. Lori certainly would have, but she was perfect. Leni didn't have the strength or the urge to disrupt her big sister's slow ascension. After all, there had to have been a reason for it, one that she could never have understood herself. It didn't matter if she knew it or not. It was there and Leni was wrong to infringe upon it.

And so she waited, sitting on her bed. By now, Leni was too awake to go back to sleep herself. Besides, Lori might have caught her and gotten mad for her drowsiness. With nothing better to do, Leni picked up her phone.

 _"Thanks for the sweater. It's so fabulous and comfy!"_ she read.

Helen really was too nice, she thought. That sweater, along with much of Leni's other creations, could have functioned better as firewood or an all-purpose rag.

 _"Thank you. :)"_ Leni replied. It certainly wasn't much and it was far from enough. But it was the best she could have hoped for on such a short notice. The thought of her friend actually wearing something she created was enough to make her smile. It was far greater than anything she should have expected. Deep down, Leni knew it was wrong to ask so much of her friends. And yet, in the midst of Christmas's wonder, she was able to accept it, even if was But a passing moment.

In the corner of her eye, Leni caught her big sister standing up. It was a relief knowing that Lori finally mustered together some strength, to recognize how energizing the holiday had historically made her. Leni turned, seeing her stumble across the short space separating their beds. Lori's tired, groggy face was gradually gaining precision and life. This was the Lori she was used to.

"Let's get everyone up," Lori said, her words slurred. Even Leni could piece together where to start on that task. She kept staring at her big sister as she easily jumped off her bed, taking note of her baggy eyes and the lack of that coffee smell in her breath.

But ultimately, it was Lori who took the lead in their walk. Lori shifted her body, each foot striking the ground, as if she were pulling a boulder chained to her back. And yet, Leni followed her, letting her do all the work. After all, isn't that who Lori was? Lori always took the charge when it came to their siblings.

The first stop was to Luna and Luan's room. As expected, the two teenagers were fast asleep. Their sheets were far from neat; Luna's was practically dangling off the bed, threatening to cave into gravity. Leni only took a few steps into the doorway before pressing herself against the wall. Maybe one of them heard the freak of the door open, possibly serving as an alarm clock. And besides, it was Christmas morning. They were gonna wake up when it was right.

Leni turned to Lori, who was scratching her hunched back. Her big sister wasn't saying anything, so that must have meant she reached the same conclusion. Leni eased herself into complacency, knowing that for once, her judgment was in the right place. Knowing it was a matter of waiting, Leni cupped her hands together. Lori decided to exhale loud enough for her to hear.

"Get up!" Lori exclaimed. Her voice was tired and strained, but it certainly carried. Leni noticed movement on both levels of the bunk bed, along with emerging heads from under the blankets.

"Good morning," Leni said softly. She smiled a little when she saw each of her sisters open their eyes. They were so tired, even though it was Christmas. Christmas was supppsed to make people excited, she thought again. Where was the joy on each of their faces?

Each of them gradually rolled out of their beds. Luna had the more difficult task of descending the hard, wooden ladder, but even her weary arms had it in her to get down safely. Leni silently waited as her two younger sisters cobbled up the strength to acknowledge her. She remembered that she had left her phone on the bed and her foggy vision prevented her from checking the time before leaving. Leni didn't realize how early in the morning it was.

"Merry Xmas, dudes," Luna said groggily.

"I guess there isn't gonna be a Ho-Ho-holdup this year," Luan said softly as she chuckled to herself, "get it?"

Lori sighed and tried to pinch her nose. In that effort, all she did was slap her face with her bulky palm.

"It's too early for this, Luan," Lori said.

Too early, Leni thought. Then why was Lori doing this to herself? If she had it her way, Lori and all the others would have been back in bed under their toasty blankets, dreaming of Bobby and Mick Swagger and Mr. Coconuts. The poor things were practically hurting themselves by dragging themselves into the day so soon. And for what? Just some presents that could afford to wait an extra hour or two?

But it didn't matter now. Rather than protesting or challenging Lori's rightful authority, Leni followed her sisters to each of the other bedrooms. Two by two, the sisters awoke and joined their ranks. Luckily, the younger ones weren't so sleepy; Lola launched like a rocket, overzealous in her motions. Leni even heard her little sister's excited proclamations about Christmas and the gifts she hoped Santa left her. At least there was a little life in the House.

Lincoln was saved for last. All ten sisters packed themselves in the tiny space at the end of the hall. Leni was packed towards the middle, anticipating Lori's decision to open the door. They were all gonna wish their super special brother a nice morning. After all, he deserved it.

Lori's hand meeting the knob couldn't have come soon enough. Leni's eyes widened as they processed each frame of motion. The turning felt slower with each passing second. Leni has thought Lori was doing it on purpose, just to tease her. Time was of the essence. If she wasn't so packed in, Leni would have done it herself. Her hands jittered just thinking about the grand entrance.

Eventually, she heard a click and the kids flooded into the growing gap between the door and the frame.

"Merry Christmas Linky!" Leni exclaimed, unable to contain herself.

All eyes jolted to her. Where were their accompanying cheers? Lori's lips were firmly shut. Maybe she wanted to get in some extra before speaking up. Leni herself felt a little tense, a splash of humility hitting her face in the following seconds.

But whether they were gonna join in or not, it wasn't gonna be necessary. Lincoln perked his head up as his eyes quickly adjusted to the abundance of sisters in his tiny bedroom. His white hair was all over the place (popping up, sticking out), his eyes were in desperate need of rubbing, and his lips were as dry as chalk. And yet, all Leni could think about was how cute her brother was. He truly was something special.

"Alright! Everyone's up," Lola declared, "now let's open presents!"

"Not until we get Mom and Dad," Lori shot back, "they always like to be there when we open presents. You know how they are with taking pictures and stuff! They'll be disappointed if we start without them."

Lola sighed.

"Fine! Let's just do it already!"

Leni waited as Lori sifted her way through the crowd, emerging as the leader. She caught glimpse of Linky getting up and joining them. Leni courteously allowed thenothers to walk around her, getting ahead. Her eyes glued to her brother. For once, he was gonna have a companion.

Once her brother caught up, Leni strolled alongside him. Was it wrong that she felt this way towards him but not to her other sisters? Was Lori mad or offended? But on the other hand, Linky really was a treasure, especially in the morning when he was just waking up.

"Merry Christmas Linky," she said normally.

"You too," Lincoln replied, smiling. There it was. After a solid minute, he was finally happy.

Reachng downstairs, Leni's eyes were immediately drawn to the skyline of presents surrounding the lush Christmas tree. Some of them were instantly recognizable given their unique wrapping paper. Leni immediately remembered the chaotic task of looking behind her shoulder as she used the rest of her body to hide the tape, colorful paper, and the "goods". It was a time consuming endeavor, then again happiness never came easily.

"Presents!" Lola cried as she dashed towards the tree. Her arms stretched out like wings, as if they were trying to hug the banquet before her.

"Lola!" Lori barked.

The little girl froze. At first, Leni wasn't sure what she was gonna do. Lola was known for taking extreme measures when it came to getting things her way. Arguing, yelling, or sheer defiance were tactics that weren't beneath her.

"Lola," Lori repeated.

And just like that, her arms fell. Disappointed by the further delay, Lola sighed.

"Fine," she said as she sauntered back to the clump.

The pack stroller along the hallway, making its way around to the parents' room. As usual, their door was shut. Leni shuddered as she recalled the trouble she got herself into the last time she went in there. Sure she learned how to put on lipstick the right way, but at what cost? She huddled herself behind her Linky, resting her hands on his shoulders.

Lori, however, stepped forward and graciously pounded on the door.

"Wake up! It's Christmas!" she announced.

Through the wood door and plastered walls, Leni heard shocked gasps and mumbling.

"It's morning already?!" Dad asked, shocked. For the next few seconds, Leni couldn't hear anything. Perhaps her parents were playing a game where they weren't making any noise. Of course, if they were quiet, then they couldn't move and that meant no presents (and Lola would have been quite upset at that).

"Kids!" Dad eventually exclaimed, "Your mother and I will be ready in a minute! Just hang on and..."

Leni eagerly waited, keeping her hands on her brother's shoulders. Did he mind that? Her hands weren't that rough and they were clean enough. And it wasn't like he said he was uncomfortable. Yeah, she told herself, it was okay.

Eventually, the door opened and both parents emerged.

"Merry Christmas, everyone," Dad said, smiling. In his hands was a home camera, the kind that were really big when Leni was a little kid. It was a little odd that her parents still used that thing. After all, her phone had a camera of its own in there. It weighed less, was smaller, and it was easier to post pictures on the Internet. No wonder she rarely saw pictures from that thing online.

But who was she to complain?

"Now let's see what Santa left us!"

Any order that had existed amongst the family had dissipated in an instant. All the Louds (even Mom and Dad) raced out of the narrow corridor, squishing each other against the walls. Lori practically bounced over the youngest Louds, swiftly maneuvering herself towards the tree.

Leni saw no rush to get there. Besides, there was a good chance that her presents were buried underneath someone else's. Linky and her sisters were better off discovering their own gifts and treasures before she did her dirty deed.

Mom and Dad peacefully stood behind the couch, overseeing the excited congregation. Without anything better to do, Leni stopped beside them, observing her siblings partake in the opening.

Lana, Lola, and Lily were sitting on the carpet, too eager to rip open the wrapping paper from the spot they retrieved the presents from. Lola's eyes sparkled as she saw the big pink cardboard box beneath the paper. Sure enough, it was that big princess castle that Leni had heard Mom talking about. While she didn't know too much about whatever princess it was for, Leni chuckled at Lola's mesmerized stare at the box. Such silent admiration was quickly followed by a screeching squee. Oh yes, Leni thought, that was Lola alright.

Lana was less dramatic. Her already wide smile stretched out even further upon seeing her brand new tool box. Dad probably went out and bought that one, Leni thought.

And then there was Lily, of course. She gripped the wrapped present, squishing it with her baby hands. It took her longer to get her gift often. Leni wondered if her baby sister needed help getting the wrapping paper off. Should she be the one to give her help? She wanted everything to go well. But second guessing kept her feet on the ground. Maybe Lily just liked it this way, that she was just holding it like that because that's exactly what she wanted. To jump in and rip off the paper would have ruined the baby's joy. That had to be the answer, her subconscious assumed. If Lily really wanted to open the present, she would have already done it.

Despite this, that didn't stop Linky from slipping off the couch and rushing to Lily's side. With a toothy grin and confident hands, he undid the wrapping paper and held up the gift. It was a stuffed giraffe. Bright yellow, big, and fluffy, Leni was instantly drawn to the adorable plushie. Rather than throw around her hands in an angry fit, Lily cheerfully clapped and hugged the stuffed animal.

A switch was flipped in Leni, the one that reminded her that there were things to be joyful towards. The culmination of her trip to the toy store and the money she spent on that plushie were starting to amount to something. Everything in her suddenly felt like a Pop Tart fresh out of the toaster: warm, gooey, and all around sweet. It was that visual reminder, the actual act of a loved one living Christmas wonder that brought her back to reality. For once, she could genuinely smile.

Lily was in bliss. Those innocent eyes and childish laughter were the markers of something unblemished, safe from the lingering shadows that life presented. Of course Lily had no chance of ever becoming as broken as Leni. For someone her age, the baby was full of promise. She already knew what her feelings were and Leni just saw nothing but blossoms flourishing from that healthy sprout.

Even if it was too late for herself, Leni could at strive to save Lily from falling into despair. Long after all ten of her siblings are relieved from their duty to associate with her, Lily can at least be promised the joy and feelings of being loved and bountiful to her other amazing siblings. That much, Leni supposed, she could give her perfect baby sister.

She then got a nudge against one of her shoulders, taking her eyes away from the beautiful sight.

"Go open your presents, Leni," Dad said softly with a docile smile of his own, "I think Santa left you some things too."

Leni glanced at her father. Her eyes softened even further until they were practically marshmallows. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around her Dad. The smile she bore was practically sculpted into her face. Despite the message she received, she couldn't bring herself to let go. In that moment, this was the best way of feeling whole; to release herself would have been like only sewing one corner of a patchwork. Her Dad deserved better than that.

"Thanks, sweetie," Dad said, patting her back. Although her arms remained glued to his torso, it was he that pulled back. Leni gazed up and saw that ethereal smile, "Now go," he continued, "I think you might like what you'll find."

He really wanted her to go. Suddenly, her arms fell as she made the connection. If she spent the whole day just behind the couch, then Dad would have gotten very sad. After all, if she didn't pick up her presents, they would have just left a giant mess on the ground (and Dad doesn't like messes). That had to be it, she figured.

And so her eyes turned to that mess. Behind the ripped wrapping paper was a collection of unopened gifts. Determined to clean it up, Leni paced towards it.

"Wow! The Complete Ace Savvy Encyclopedia?! You're the best Leni," she heard as she silently moved towards the presents.

"Aww! A sweater just for Iggy? Thanks!"

"An autograph pic of Mick Swagger?! How did you get your hands on this, big sis?"

Leni grabbed one of them. It was a large rectangle with elegant red wrapping on it. Reading the tag, she quickly discerned that it was from Mom.

Stilling standing inches from the tree, Leni shredded the paper. She uncovered a firm box that was part pink cardboard, part wobbly plastic. Through the thin veil, Leni could see sophisticated bottles (big and small) along with variously sticks. The entire display was nearly organized.

Leni examines each of them, initially unsure of what it was she was holding. What it finally took was a fourth look at the small cylinder-shaped thingy to notice the small type. Lipstick?

"It's to help get you started honey," she heard Mom say.

That dreaded memory eased its way back to the surface. Mom didn't need to do that, Leni thought. Sure it was a field she was gradually easing into (Leni had tried a little lipstick again just the week before), but she didn't need to drag her poor mother into it too.

But then it hit her. This was exactly the intent of this gift. The complicated concoctions, designer labels, and the significant price tag slapped on the back of the box. All of it was meant to remind her of the terrible deed she had committed. Leni should have known better than to draw attention to herself like that. Mom didn't need that and she resented it. Maybe now that she's stuck with this overly sophisticated product, she'll think twice before acting out of turn. Leni knew she just had to keep trying harder, no matter how difficult it became.

Besides, now wasn't the time to make a scene. There were plenty of other gifts sent to her by the most generous people on the planet. Linky has something, as did Lori and Luna and all the others. They deserved their retribution as well.

"Thanks," she said, holding a reserved smile. Leni propped up the box as her Dad brought the camera to his eye.

 _"You better smile, doofus!"_

* * *

Rita and Lynn Sr. were diligent at work. Normally, the big holiday rush was the only major challenge they faced. Once December 26 hit, they could finally sit back and marvel at the Herculean feat they had pulled, patted each other on the back. Indeed, the couple viewed themselves as quite the team.

But this year was different. While they had seen this coming for a long time, neither were particularly thrilled when it came knocking on their door. Papers were scattered across the table while the two adults huddled around a laptop. Indeed, the FAFSA required al sorts of boring documents and figures. Everything from the tax credits they received to their incomes to those pesky Social Security numbers came crawling back. It became a chore to take those cold printed numbers and manually transcribe them into the online application. But such was the duty of soon-to-be College parents.

Leni saw all this visual chaos as she inches her way into the dining room. She felt like an even bigger fish out of water than usual (like the ones she saw at the lake). She didn't have any papers in her hand or advice to give to her busy parents. Until a few weeks, she had never even heard of a "FAFSA".

Maybe this was a mistake, Leni thought to herself. They were busy and this entire pursuit was completely selfish. Time and energy were clearly of the essence to both Mom and Dad and Leni was already a notorious drain of these materials.

But when was this ever gonna end? Leni needed to do this. If she didn't take care of this now, when was she ever? Maybe in a month or two, but the thought would still be there. It would beg, grill her to know why she didn't act at this precise moment. Everything was in place: a set of words, the parents in the same room, and the timing was right (or so it would say).

She took several breaths, pushing out the flutters bit by bit. They were all swirling in her tummy like a tornado, reaching every part of her insides until they were unable to hold her up anymore. Leni told herself to keep breathing, that she might eventually muster up the confidence to open her mouth. This were her parents. They deserved the best presentation imaginable. It was the least she could do to offset the message's nasty content.

"Hi Leni," Rita said, her head lifting up from the computer screen.

No time to turn back now. Lately, Leni has been surprised by the number of times she hooked herself into these situations. By the time she had cold feet, the wave was already there, sucking her in beneath the rough, choppy water. Even though what she was doing was completely wrong, she owned every piece of it now. Leni told herself this was her reaping the toxic seeds she had sowed. It was a shame that innocent people were getting swept up in the mess.

Staring at her parents dead on, Leni took one more breath before diving in.

"Mom, Dad," she said firmly, "I know that I have let you and everyone down by failing my driving tests over and over and over and over again. Each time, I have been working harder and harder and harder, and yet nothing has come out of it."

She then took another breath.

"I have, like, been doing better to get the help I need so that I can pass and get my license," Leni continued, her hands planted to her side, "and I know that it's important that I get it so I can, like, drive me and everyone around to places and, like," she briefly paused, "I think I'm ready to take the test."

Mom and Dad glanced at each other. It was hard for Leni to discern what it was they were thinking. And when she wasn't certain, there was definitely one part of her ready to fill in the void. They must have been annoyed, disappointed, overworked. That must have been it, she thought. They were rightfully looking to each other to communicate their distress among each other, as if their reassuring eyes could have bolstered each other back up.

Eventually, though, Mom met contact with Leni. Here it comes, she thought.

"Well that's fantastic, honey," she said warmly.

Did she really just hear that? There was no way Mom really meant that. Then again, Leni should have expected that type of response, given her parents' nature. That grin her Mom carried was a terrible reminder of the prison she and Dad were stuck in. Leni was horrified that she had just added a new lock to their cell, making escape even less likely. Why were they staring at her like that? She wanted them to stop.

But such was Leni's fate these days. Even when she got what she wanted, she still felt bad. She wished she could change herself to only want things that will actually make others happy.

"Once the snow melts, we can take you down to the DMV to sign you up," Dad said.

Leni's eyes widened.

"When the snow melts?" She said, astonished, "But I'm ready now!"

The two parents gave each other another look. Mom wasn't smiling anymore. Great. Silence enveloped the three Louds, leaving Leni to watch her parents waste even more time on this awful pursuit. Leni felt her heart sink as her Mom nodded her head and faced her.

"I think that's great honey," she said. Still, that smile wouldn't return, letting Leni know that she really messed up just for speaking her mind, "but it's winter and there's snow and ice on the road. The test is gonna be a lot harder because of the bad weather, but if you wait until spring, then you won't have to worry about that stuff."

"Lori can drive when there's snow."

The girl couldn't stop herself. She kept forcing herself to close her mouth, to quit talking back. Leni already knew she had lost the "nice" tag long ago (though "lost" is such a generous word, implying that something was there to begin with). But for Pete's sake, she didn't need to make herself all-out "mean".

"Lori's been driving longer than you have, so she knows how to handle it," Mom answered deliberately. Leni was bothered by that level, calm, static voice. Couldn't her mom just be free already? And her Dad fared little better with his seemingly empty eyes, "once you get your license and get more practice, then you can do it more next winter. But for now, you're better off waiting."

No, no more rude attacks. Leni puckered her lips, as she was certain that was the only way to prevent those base comments from slipping out. Her Mom had already suffered far too much. The least Leni could have done in return was control herself.

"Okay," was all she said. And then, her feet mechanically swiveled around, propelling her out of the room.

Well, that was a waste of time. Mom and Dad were probably rubbing their foreheads, struggling to mend their aching migraines. Not only was this all a big mistake, but it was one that hurt her parents too.

As Leni sauntered upstairs, she dreaded the thought of anyone seeing her. All they would have said was "there she goes again, not knowing what she's doing." Mom and Dad already had their minds full of how empty her's was along with a montage of the arbitrary, forceful thrashes that she considered "decisions".

Well, maybe things would change once spring arrived. Three months was a long time to improve, to turn things around. Mom and Dad may be willing to forgive her by then, to return to civil terms after that horrible outburst. All she needed was time and space.

Luckily, winter was known for being and feeling like an eternity.


	44. Special Number

Leni sighed. By now, she had read and reread the document for several minutes. The more she stared at those letters, the less they registered as real words. There were only so many times she could read "Leni Loud" and "deceased" before they were meaningless sounds and a random assortment of letters.

Why was she even doing this to herself? It wasn't like reading it again was gonna make her feel better or change reality. What's done was done. It was a shame that her dumb brain couldn't accept that.

She knew she couldn't be holed up in this bedroom forever. As hard as it was for her to believe, others would actually stop and wonder where she wandered off to. To discover her in here like this would have been a disaster. From the puffy eyes to the paper she was holding, she wouldn't have been able to get a word in before their sirens would have gone off.

Leni didn't want to think of what would happen next. The thought of failing even at hiding her self-pity made her shudder. The others wouldn't be ready for it neither. And she wasn't about to lay that on their already overburdened shoulders. For once, she needed to take matters into her own hands.

Giving one last look at the death certificate, Leni discreetly slid it into her nightstand.

Now what, Leni asked herself. Perhaps a look in the mirror wouldn't hurt. Staring at the glass panel attached to the bureau, Leni sauntered to that little section, gradually gaining a more complete image of her face.

It could have been worse, she thought. Much worse. The few minutes she had to cool down allowed her face to somewhat return back to normal. Her cheeks bore a subtle blush and there were only several bullets of sweat scattered about. Unfortunately, there were other parts of her face that were...revealing.

Her eyes were practically swollen with grief; pink around the rims, pupils big enough to stick a finger in, and parts of her hair noticeably brushed about.

Why did she have to make such a big scene? Why couldn't her other big sister have lived so that none of this could of happened ( _none_ of it)? Leni was drawn to all the things that could have exposed her. She knew she couldn't just walk out like this. Drastic measures needed to be taken.

And if there was one thing she felt even a little pride in, it was her sense of fashion. What a time to put an otherwise trivial skill to use, she thought.

Leni glanced to her left and saw the box full of the makeup products her mom had gotten her for Christmas. She reached in and pulled out the "powder thingy". The pad used to apply it was still firm, making it difficult for her to squeeze with her fingers. Using her other hand, she pressed her thumb against the center crease, struggling to pry the container open. Her thumb burnt as the sharp plastic sunk into the skin. As it eventually flung open, the appendage still stung.

But that didn't matter now. Leni turned to the more pressing matter: her cheeks. Sure her complexion was flushed with pale, sickly shades of white, gray, and pink, but did it really call for this powder on her face? After all, she had only used it once in the four months since she got it: for the Spring Fashion Show. Was it really gonna make a difference?

This was the price to pay for letting her silly emotions get the better of her. Leni had no choice but to douse it on and see what happened.

She patted the white pad against the equally firm containing, allowing the tan particle to stick to the material. Once it was sufficiently coated, Leni stared full on into the mirror. Her eyes squinted from how disgusting she looked. Taking a deep breath, she slapped the pad against her face.

As powder dispersed in a murky cloud, Leni's eyes watered up again. By then, the sting has dulled. That was a good sign, or at least that's what she thought at first. She quickly realized otherwise when an eager year screeched down her cheek like a waterfall.

Sighing, she wiped it clean. Perhaps it was best to keep her eyes shut to prevent _that_ from happening again.

It was more difficult locking the pad with the cheek, given the lack of vision. Through her closed eyelids, Leni fantasied herself transforming into something acceptable. She told herself that the more times she patted that powder against her cheeks, the less attention she would give herself. No one needed to focus on her today. This was Lori's day.

After she felt comfortable with the number of times she applied the pad, Leni fluttered her eyes open. Her cheeks were caked with the tan powder, working seamlessly into her skin's complexion. As far as her limited attention for detail could discern, Leni didn't see any blemishes left over. It would have to do.

Now she just had to deal with the eyes.

For once, the hair wasn't all that important. Compared to what else laid before her, a few brush strokes seemed mundane. But nothing in her makeup bin was meant to accommodate what was on the eyes (only what surrounded them). Leni knew that they were gonna be a dead giveaway.

She needed to do something she wasn't used to: thinking quickly. Leni had already wasted precious time fiddling around and attempting to paper over her mistake. It was only a matter of minutes before someone would have come up to knock. She wasn't ready to throw herself into that scenario. Leni didn't want to have to answer the oft-asked question "Are you okay?"

Giving a frantic gaze in the mirror, she remembered her sunglasses. There they were, just sitting on her head like a tiara. Leni had originally bought them because she thought they were cute, that the white would blend with her gentle blonde hair and pale red earrings. It was a soft color that was meant to go with her soft wardrobe.

And yet, that was the only thing she ever saw in them. Even on the brightest summer days, it never occurred to her to actually lower them to cover her eyes. There were only a few times where they accidentally fell on top of her nose, but they were just as swiftly propped back up. Those glasses were literally no more than a decoration.

She carefully lifted them out from her ears to examine them. The lenses appeared pretty dark, certainly enough to obscure her eyes from others. Maybe they could do that here. Of course, she thought it'd be best to test them out first.

Leni slid them back in from a lower angle. Her eyes squinted as they braced the close contact with the pitch black lenses. Once her hands became certain that they couldn't be pushed back any further, she stretched her palms, severing any connection to the plastic handles.

Was she blinking? If so, her eyes had tricked her into thinking she wasn't. But she couldn't see anything. As if by a snap of the fingers, all the light had gone out. Why didn't she hear the others complaining about the power outage? Where was Lana racing upstairs to get her tool kit?

Leni didn't want to move. As far as she knew, there could have been a box she didn't see for all the minutes she was whining. Leni wasn't in the mood to trip or bump into a wall (something she did more times than she was proud to admit). The best thing to do was stay perfectly still, hoping that Lana will come in to save the day with her amazing electrician skills.

No such moment came. Despite her self-imposed rule, Leni took tremendous liberty in moving her head, swiveling towards where she thought the door was. Maybe if she was facing that direction, then she could hear Lana at work or someone else trying to make sense of this unfortunate situation.

Especially Lori. How was she feeling? Was she devastated by this unfortunate mishap? Hopefully, the others were tending to her, hugging her, telling her it was gonna be alright.

Suddenly, the bridge of her nose flared up. It was an itch. Leni never liked having that tingling sensation, and yet here it was, cropping up on her nose. Her eager hand swiped up and scratched at it, bumping beneath her glasses to reach it. Rays of color radiated in that gap.

Leni froze. The rest of her vision was still black, but there was light in that tiny area, where her glasses weren't covering.

Really? This again? Leni sighed as she grabbed her sunglasses and pulled them out, allowing the light to re-emerge. So that was why she didn't wear these things like a normal person. Leni knew she should have learned her lesson by now, that she should have remembered all those times those shades fell over her eyes. And yet, she still couldn't tell that the room around her didn't change.

With that option out of the picture, Leni became hardpressed to find another way around this. Turning back to the mirror, she caught another glimpse at her questionable face. She leaned forward, trying to capture a detail image of what she had to work with.

It took some squinting and adjustment, but her eyes didn't seem that bad from this perspective. Maybe if she moved in a certain way and didn't draw too much attention to herself, her eyes would be fine after all. It was a gamble, yes, but she didn't have another choice. And no. Leni knew better than to try the sunglasses again.

Well, here goes nothing.

Propping her sunglasses back in their proper location, Leni pushed her feet forward. It was gonna be a real grind getting back down there, down where there were twelve other faces.

As she made the brief descent down the steps, she thought through some more how she would get around anyone that tried getting in. Leni told herself once again that it was a shame she let her emotions go like that. It didn't matter what this day brought or how much she remembered her beloved sister Leni. She needed to be there for _both_ of her older sisters, no matter how much she had to push herself to keep her head high.

Maybe Lori would conclude that she had gotten better. Her biggest sister would take one look at her and think everything was fine, before returning to the more pressing matters.

As she reached the last two steps, Lincoln lurched out from the dining room opening.

"There you are, Leni!" He said cheerfully. Leni chuckled seeing his chipped tooth protruding from his upward-bent lips. She did her best to hold back the inevitable chuckle, "Hurry up! You're just in time for cake!"

Without making a sound, Leni followed her little brother into the dining room. Sure enough, Lori sat at one end of the table while the others huddled around her. A delicious chocolate cake rested beside her, burning several candles (though she was uncertain over whether there were actually eighteen on it).

As Leni slowly approached the cluster, Linky flipped the light switch, leaving the candles as the only thing providing any color to the room. This time, Leni was sure this darkness was real. She ultimately settled to stand behind Lucy and Lana, gazing across at Lori.

"Happy Birthday to you!" the others sang.

"Happy Birthday to you!" Leni chimed.

"Happy Birthday dear Lori!

Happy Birthday to you!"

The oldest child wasted no time in blowing out the puny flames. Everyone cheered and slapped their hands together while Leni noticed the little streams of smoke float up. Was it gonna start a fire, she thought. But then just as quickly, the clouds dissipated into nothing, much to her relief.

Now that the obligatory song was complete, Mom pulled out the knife and sunk the blade into the soft, gooey cake. Leni was instantly enamored from the perfect shade of brown, the ideal texture, and the magnificent aroma. Dad truly went all out in baking this delicacy just to celebrate the new "Ms. Mom" in the House.

Of course, the other siblings were gonna have a slice of their own. After all, chocolate was by far the most popular flavor of anything in the House. Aside from pizza, the craving for the sweet snack dominated every other consideration. One had to hide it in order to keep it from getting lost and Leni was no innocent in that enterprise.

But the question now was whether her stomach was ready for a slice of the saccharine product processed in a box before getting mixed with eggs, flour, and other stuff until erecting itself into a spongey, sticky tummy ache. And even more so, Leni knew she didn't deserve it. Cake wasn't for people that can't control themselves and it wasn't wise to reward bad behavior. Leni knew she needed to learn a lesson. Some lucky Loud was gonna be escatic to get a second slice.

Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

The longer Leni saw the cake, the more attracted she became. She told herself to walk away, to pretend it didn't even exist. Her legs, however, said otherwise. As did her mouth, which quickly filled up with spit (it was gross, yet not uncomfortable).

 _"No! No! No! No!"_ was the mantra she told herself.

Each Loud got the cake. Luna got her's, then Lisa, then Luan, and Lynn. Leni knew this because she herself was in line, gradually nudging her way closer to the food. Her eyes never left it. What if someone looked up and saw them? Would they think she was fine based on those eyes? Did she look normal, she asked herself.

Next Lucy got her slice. Maybe now was the time to hop out. But Leni was there to also see Lana acquire her delicious, scrumptious, sweet, soft, perfectly baked cake. And before she could process what was happening, Mom was cutting slice and plopping it on a plate with a fork beside it. And then, there it was.

It was wonderful, immaculately crafted. Who who cares at this point? Leni gripped the fork and scarfed the cake down. The beautiful taste overwhelmed her mouth. The sheer bulk of it stretched out the inside of her mouth far more than usual. She thought she was gonna choke on this culinary perfection. In that moment, something sparked in her, as if it were trying to put something else back together. Perhaps it was cake this whole time. Yeah. Maybe she was just acting up because she hadn't eaten such a wonderful piece of chocolate. Love of the sugary sweet was practically in her blood.

Even though her mouth was packed with partially chewed cake, Leni was able to swallow it down in tiny pieces. It was remarkable how her gums were able to secure the giant mass while separating small segments. Leni remained frozen, her feet planted to the ground, as she gradually disposed of the cake. Each swallow provided a distinctly warm sensation as the yummy morsel slid down her throat.

As she downed the last piece, her entire mouth reverberated the sweet after taste. Leni knew there were no extra slices, but that little piece of heaven allowed the craving to claw its way to the forefront. Leni loved chocolate and it always made her so happy.

But this time, she felt a cramp in her tummy. She waddled out of the dining room to avoid further contact. The sweetness in her mouth was rapidly mutating into nausea.

"This is what you get."

Leni needed to sit down. And what other place to do it then the good ol' couch. Soft, accommodating, usually crammed with other folks seeking a little comfort themselves. It was the best she could have hoped for at this point.

But of course, there were already others congregated on each of the cushions. Leni would have to opt for either the floor or standing. Maybe there was a third option hidden, one that entailed hanging out in the kitchen. There had to be some others in there, so it wouldn't be weird or anything.

"Alright everyone! It's time for presents!" Dad announced.

The missing kids flooded into the living room, surrounding the couch. Leni stood there, trying to count everyone. There was no way it was everyone. Maybe Linky wanted to eat a sauerkraut sandwich. But sure enough, he was on the couch's far left edge. Perhaps Luna was holding a last minute rehearsal before her big birthday performance. A quick check, however, showed her clearly using the upper end of the upholstery to rest her arms.

There had to be at least other person, so that she wouldn't be an outlier. Leni realized it was a mistake to come back down here. She's gonna be exposed any minute now. She just knew it.

"Here!" Luan said, sitting next to Lynn on the carpet. She gave that adorable brace-filled grin as she patted the patch of fibers beside Here, "there's room for one more, Leni! Unless you think I'm just an ol' _floor_!" The comedienne chuckled to herself, "Get it?"

That was her cue. Leni hacked out several laughs before rubbing her eyes.

"Where do you come up with this stuff, Luan?" Leni asked between each attempt at a chuckle.

In her effort to sit down, her eyes inevitably wandered. She saw Lori squished at the center of the couch, boxed in. Leni noticed her long enough to see that she wasn't smiling. It was her birthday, yet here she was. She ratcheted up the laughter, making it louder and more emphatic.

"I make it up," was all Luan could say.

"I love it!" Leni shot back.

As the parents hauled each of the presents into the living room, the kids waited with bated breath. Just like Christmas, the long wait of seeing someone smile at your gift to them was over. Leni stared at the mound of gifts with bated breath. She instantly recognized her own, which was covered with a nice sky blue wrapping paper.

"Before we start, I want to make an announcement."

Everyone turned to the woman of the hour. Lori turned to Leni and gazed at her. While the lack of a smile was clear the first time, it was only then that Leni was allowed to see other things. Why was Lori looking at her like that? Her eyes will filled with longing, an appearance Leni had unfortunately dealt with not even a half an hour earlier. It was sad. Leni liked it better when Lori was happy, especially on her birthday.

"I think it's time I told you all," Lori said, taking the opportunity to give her other siblings some much needed attention. Leni tried her best to fit in, to stare at Lori while clinging to her words, "After a lot of thought, I finally decided where I wanna go to college this fall."

College. That thing that was once far off and imaginary was being discussed as if it were real, imminent, and tangible. For a few months, it seemed as if it had gone away, given how Lori had finished doing all those applications. Life seemed to return to normal. Why was it over so soon?

"I've decided to go to DePaul," Lori said.

As Leni's exasperated eyes widened, they picked up other curious faces. Most of the others leaned in towards their oldest sister to learn more. Even Lisa, whose face was as frozen as ice, tipped her glasses.

"It's in Chicago, so it'll be fun going to school in the big city," Lori explained, using her hands to articulate her enthusiasm, "and I'll be able to visit Bobby," she shot a look at Linky, "and Ronnie Anne. I know it's far away, but I'm excited!"

She then shot back to Leni. Even though Lori held a smile and a thumbs up, Leni tensed up upon meeting those eyes. They were still sad, as if there was more to be said. Leni didn't want to press her on it or to explain herself. She couldn't do any of those things. The most Leni could hope for was to express her support.

"I'm so happy for you!" Leni exclaimed as her body shot off the ground. Lori still didn't look happy on the inside. It was one of those weird things where even though she was smiling, she looked sad. And that got Leni sad. Worried, even. Well, not for long.

Leni bent forward and wrapped her arms around her sister. She tried her best to lower her chin as well, but she was too high up to reach Lori's shoulder. Instead, she mostly stared at the couch's upholstery with glimpses of others grinning at the sight of sisterly affection.

"We're so proud of you, sweetie," she heard Dad say.

Others surrounded the eldest Loud. Leni got nudged around my competing arms and bodies. It was through this troublesome effort that she realized that hugs weren't very comfortable when people were at different heights. Not that Rosy Cake (or for that matter, any of her family members) minded, however.

It was somewhat warm. Leni had always enjoyed group hugs. As the family got bigger and bigger, they became increasingly common. Hugging could have been a lot of things. A way of cooling emotions that were overflowing, a way of filling up when one was empty, or sometimes both at the same time.

This time, Leni wasn't sure anything was coming out of this. That little flutter her heart felt whenever she was in an embrace was absent. Leni was cold and empty on the inside, aside from strands of pain working up in her stomach. As she stood there idly, she wondered if it was just because she was doing it wrong. Her arms were perfectly wrapped around (Lori was kind enough to lift her back from the cushion). Maybe it was just because of the positioning. After all, the best she could do while standing up was sorta halfway from what she was accustomed to feeling.

That had to be it, she figured. She was just selfish that she couldn't get fully into it. Leni realized it was unfair to expect so much from her big sister, especially when it should have been the other way around.

Finally, the others pulled back to give Lori some space. By then, her lips were curling upwards and her eyes had softened. That was a good sign, Leni concluded. It was now her mission (and her's alone) to keep her family happy.

Dad practically dropped the first gift into Lori's lap. It was a small, brick-shaped box with white wrapping paper. Dad giddily bunched his hands into fists, barely managing to contain his excitement.

Ripping open the wrapping paper, Lori's face brightened. Everything stretched out as she picked up a small white box from the shreds of wrapping paper. While Leni was too far away to see all the words, her routine visits to the Royal Woods Mall has given her a pretty good idea of what the big fuss was about.

"Thanks Dad!" she said, smiling uncontrallbly, "you're literally the best!"

"My little girl is goin' off soon! She's gonna need a new phone to get by over there," he responded warmly.

"Thanks Dad!" Lori repeated.

"Open my next!" Leni blurted out. Before her mind could process what she was doing, she was on her feet, "Open my next! You'll totes love it!"

Leni stared at her gift within the pile. Luckily, it was easy for to identify between the indigo, orange, red, white, and brown packages. All her energy became transfused into delivering this one special parcel to her perfect big sister. The question of what was going through her mind didn't register. It was purely automatic. Wasn't that a function of normal people? To sometimes be able to act without thinking (and actually be right).

Upon yanking the blue present out from the stack, Leni raced to Lori and extended her arm out with the present on the end. Leni bounced in her spot, eagerly waiting for Lori to accept.

"Hold on," Lori said, nervously chuckling, "I'm getting to it..."

Lori's fingers closed around the gift's edge. Those eyes. They were like saucers, trying to use their size to jam in all the desperation and sadness Lori could muster. Even in a moment when she was being showered with gifts, the poor thing couldn't be comforted. Leni raised her eyebrows and stretched out her lips as she relinquished the gift.

She remained still as she watched her sister slowly undo the wrapping paper. Lori's head occasionally warbled as she tried to keep herself purely focused on the present before her. Leni, though, squeezed her fists and tapped her foot, imagining the reaction she expected to arrive at an unattainable future moment.

Sure enough, Lori softly smiled when she pulled out the product. It was a thin square plastic box full of navy blue mixed in with pink spotlights.

"The new _Boyz will be Boyz_ album," Lori announced to everyone, lifting her head. After insuring everyone got their fair share of attention, Lori turned specifically to Leni. Her face wasn't marked with overwhelming excitement. And in the moment, there wasn't sadness either. Lori was mainly content.

"Thank you, Leni. That's very thoughtful of you," she said gently.

"That's what sisters are for," Leni replied. She widened her smile.

In the moment, the effort seemed to work. Lori got to her feet and hugged her sister back. Even Leni was surprised by the sudden gesture. It was a miracle that she didn't fall back from the intense force in which her older sister approached her. But in the end, Leni knew her mission was complete.

It didn't matter if she was knocked over. All that mattered was that her first sister was happy. Her second sister would have accepted all of it with open arms.


	45. The Promise

Things didn't go back to normal. It wasn't like they had morphed into something completely alien, something that Leni lacked knowledge of. But she could already tell that they weren't what they used to.

The strange part was that it wasn't every day that her big sister or one of her parents brought up college. In fact, there were plenty of days where people just woke up and went about their typical business. And yet, the feeling still lingered.

Leni probably saw it through Lori herself. There were days where they drove to the Mall together. On some occasions, the others were packed into the back seats and attended to their own (noisy) devices. But then there were times where it was just the two of them and the open road (or as open as they could get in Royal Woods).

Regardless of the circumstances, Leni noticed that her big sister was gripping the steering wheel more firmly than usual. It had gotten to the point where she could see white in Lori's knuckles, while the parts of the skin surrounding them blemished rash pink. Also, whenever they reached a red light, Leni found herself lurching forward as Vanzilla halted. There honestly couldn't be that many cats farting across the street, particularly at red lights.

And then there were times where Lori was just hanging around the House. While Lori was always fond of her phone, it had literally became a part of her body since graduation. From the time she woke up until falling back asleep, Lori had the plastic brick in her hands, either tapping at the screen or waiting for a new message from her "Bobby Boo Boo Bear". Sure, she hung out with the others, did her share of mundane things (particularly driving), but half the time when her phone buzzed, Lori became anxious. She tended up, as if she had an itch in the middle of her back. She was never at peace until she opened up her precious device and saw the latest text.

None of them really found the space to discuss the matter. Lately, Leni has been finding less reason to talk about her feelings. All it did was make Lori sad. She couldn't help but entertain the idea that maybe Leni could be helped, that somehow she could have her many problems fixed. Lori had to present it because it was the polite thing to do. And being civil was always the rule of thumb, no matter how insufferable Leni had become.

Leni knew she was broken beyond repair. It was obvious just how glaring her defects were, to the point where it was surprising no one had given up on her. Seventeen years was a long time to be involved with someone, even if it's purely out of obligation. Even as her older sister, Lori probably couldn't remember a time when she didn't have to be the more responsible one, to watch over and protect Leni from herself. When would it end? At what point would Lori stop pretending to be sad by the situation she was ultimately forced into?

Not sharing helped that. Sometimes, at least. It wasn't particularly hard to not discuss the topic. All she had to do was act like herself, which involved taking the path of least resistance. If any thought of getting serious emerged, her throat tightened shut. What would have been a casually flowing exchange of words turned into a monumental endeavor. And it was through shuddering at the towering wall before her that Leni had the space to bring herself back to reality. She was able to realize the cost of surmounting the wall and speaking outweighed anything else.

Lori may have been acting odd, but that gave Leni every reason in the world to not throw her own petty problems into that toxic mix.

Today was yet another scheduled trip to the Mall. Lori had specified some time in the afternoon, granting Leni plenty of her own time to settle some business of her own.

Leni popped into the bedroom. With this free time, there were two things on her mind.

First, there was money. Money had to come first, lest it got pushed back into the dark alleys of forgetfulness. As expected, the white parcel was beside her bed.

The inside of her purse could have been organized. A lot more organized. There was a green scarf bunched in there (one she hasn't worn since March), packets of unopened gum, an extra pair of sunglasses, a necklace she hasn't worn, pamphlets she doesn't remember receiving, and finally her wallet. Leni pulled out the little leather bundle and clicked it open.

A clump of green cash was readily visible along the top. Leni ran her fingers through the bills, trying to keep track of all the big numbers in her head. There were a decent number of 20 and 10 dollar bills, she thought. Perhaps there were enough to get herself something nice (and maybe something for Lori as well).

Remarkably, the cash pocket was the only neat part of her wallet. In a lot of ways, her wallet was just like the rest of her purse. Much of the other pockets were stashed with business cards, miscellaneous coins, wars of papers, and her driver's license was around there somewhere. Maybe she could even drive there today. It would be a nice favor for Lori, especially with the funk she has been in.

Slipping the wallet back into her purse, Leni's attention turned to her favorite possession: her sewing machine. Given the free time she had before her trip to the Mall, she figured she could start a new project. Even if it wasn't finished on the same day, it was something that could have kept her busy. And distracted.

Leni happily approached the machine and flipped it on. While giving it some time to warm up, she slipped open one of the drawers attached to the desk. What color was she gonna use today? And what fabric?

She was thinking plaid, a bit on the adventurous side. Even though she never wore it herself, Leni always thought flannels had their charm. Both boys and girls could have put one on and look great, especially in the fall and winter. Sometimes, she wished she had the look for plaid, to sport a nice fuzzy tree green and mulch red. But the rest of her wardrobe wouldn't allow it. Such was the curse of someone who cared too much about fashion.

Nonetheless, Leni took herself on the endeavor. Maybe she could give it to Luna. Her short brown hair and sharp face would have made her just right for something fuzzy. Besides, it could have worked with her skirt or rocker jeans. At this point, she had already measured her younger sister, giving her a good idea of what her proportions were.

With the plan in mind, she got to work. Leni knew she had to make the shirt at least several inches larger in case the outfit shrunk in the dryer. She took out her measuring tape along with her scissors.

But before she could start working, the door clicked open. Leni swung backwards, noticing Lori standing at the edge of the room. Her back was slouched forward and yet her shoulders were tightly wound back. It was an odd look. Was she stretching?

Most of all, it went back to the eyes. Lori gave her that same sad, desperate gaze that had troubled her for months. It was a strange day to be trying to get her to talk. Leni wasn't even sad herself right now; her troubles were a bit more distant, their knifes yielded back.

Leni noticed her sister inhale, closing those eyes as she did this. The exhale was large enough for her to hear it even across the room. While keeping her focus on her sister, Leni stretched an arm back, reaching for the off switch. She had a feeling that there wasn't gonna be any flannel making in the minutes to come. Everything had to be directed at her sister.

As hard as it was for Leni to fathom, she got the feeling that Lori needed her. For what was a question that was waiting to become apparent, for her simple mind to be spoon fed.

It wasn't easy waiting. Lori just stood there, breathing heavily as she ran through whatever complicated stuff there was. Leni braced herself and hugged the chair. This was important. And she held her own breath when her sister finally reopened those eyes. That terrible, draining gaze.

"Leni," she said softly.

The younger sister shuddered. Usually, Lori sounded so confident and commanding. No matter what emotion she was going through, her big sister was always able to convert it into something that drew attention to herself, that provoked some level of respect. But now, she came across as pensive, uncertain, and (dare she say it) scared at Leni.

Rather than responding, Leni watched as Lori made an awkward walk across the room, using one of her hands to clutch the opposite arm, which sagged like a wet towel. Her eyes even darted to different corners, trying to avoid her sister. Leni didn't blame her, of course.

"So..." Lori said, fighting to get the word out, "as you know, I'm gonna be leaving for college soon..."

"Yes," Leni said, nodding her head, "we're totes gonna miss you."

Lori took another uneasy breath before continuing.

"Well...I-uh um..." she said, placing her fist on her tight lips. Leni was only left to wonder what the hold up was.

"It's okay," Leni said, offering a smile, "you can tell me anything."

Such a statement was the best she could do at a time like this. Maybe if she had more preparation, she could have said something a bit more substantial. Obviously, it wasn't gonna make this apparent struggle any easier. If Lori found it easy, she would have already done it.

Lori sighed and let go of her loose arm.

"I want to talk to you about being the oldest," she admitted.

That was it. All the slumping, indecision, and clinginess was about stating a simple fact. It was rude to laugh, but Leni couldn't help but cheerfully grin, her lips curling to expose some teeth.

"What are you talking about? You're the oldest, silly," Leni replied.

Lori's face was like a rock. It was just as stoic and downtrodden as before. Leni did her best to rein in her own expression as she braced for the tranquil retaliation. It's clear it didn't click with her at all; Lori didn't even attempt to feign pleasure from it. And from Leni's experience, she knew it took a true shaker to knock off even the illusion of politeness. Leni realized she hit a sore point in her big sister.

"I know," Lori said, her voice even weaker. Leni felt a pang in her head. It was worse than she could have imagined. And from her big sister's face, the poor thing looked like she was on the verge of running out, unable to continue with this regretful talk, "but...once I leave, you will be the oldest. And you'll get to do all the stuff that," she paused to swish her hand around, "y'know...I did. You'll get to babysit and drive everyone around and other stuff..."

"Oh..." was all Leni could say.

Now that she thought about it, it did come across as a weird proposition. Leni in charge? Even when she got her license, Leni still very much believed and acted as if Lori called the shots. Every collective action, every word of advice, everything that was of value either came from their parents or from Lori. No one else.

"But," Leni said, trying to collect her memories together. There were quite a bit to sort through. Some of them were vague and indirect, while others were tidbits that emphatically exclaimed that Lori was the leader, "what about that stuff you said about babysitting? Didn't you say that you were the only one that could keep the House from, like, falling apart?"

"Well I did say that, b-"

"I'm not as good as babysitting as you are. The House is gonna fall apart and it's gonna be all my fault," Leni said. She saw the terrible image unfolding before her eyes.

Walls with brown stains and holes in them. Lola and Lana racing around the hallway in their little car, Lynn using plates for batting practice, Luan setting her ultimate prank: fire by overbooked pie. And while Luna woke up the neighborhood with her guitar shredding, Lucy was giving the pets their last rites. Lisa had Lily on a cold metal bench while she had some machine with electricity and chemicals spewing out of it targeted against the baby. Over there was Linky, inviting all his guy friends over with their mud and comics and craving for destruction.

And finally in the middle of this chaos was Leni herself. She tried to speak up, but her voice was too soft to be heard. Leni wasn't one for raising her voice. Unless she got excited or scared, she didn't want to sound angry. Angry wasn't Leni. And so, she was left standing there, waiting pointlessly for Lori.

"Leni, you'll be fine," Lori eventually said.

Fine? The reality said otherwise. Leni thought she was just seeing things. Yeah, she was gonna wake up in her bed. It was gonna be dark, but Lori's snoring was gonna alert her to where she was. That had to be it. She was too smart for this dream Lori.

"I know it isn't true. You once said that no one else could babysit but you because you're the only one that can keep the House from falling apart," Leni affirmed.

"Leni," Lori said as she brought her fingers to her nose.

"And I also know that you would never trust me to drive Vanzilla without you in there too!" Leni continued. She told herself this was working, "I may have my license, but so do you. And you would take up everyone's ride for free! You said that I had others things to do!"

"Leni..."

"And you know better than to let me help others. After all, you're so smart and kind that you always know just what to say. Without you, everyone would be sad and no one would know what to do when something went wrong. And I also know-"

"Leni," Lori said. This time, her big sister placed a hand on her shoulder. Just like that, Leni stopped talking.

There was that stare again. She remembered her name being uttered. And then Leni slumped forward. Lori had been trying to talk to her, but she had been interrupting. How rude, Leni thought. And now this was the price to pay. That, and the hand. It was probably the softest grip Leni had ever felt Lori exert. It was like her big sister was too weak to even be like her normal self. If this was a dream, then it was very weird at this point.

Lori took several more breaths. At one point, her head lowered. Leni didn't dare open her mouth again, out of fear that her perfect sister would speak at the same time. Now was the time to listen. Lori deserved that at the very least.

As her head rose again, Lori appeared more confident. She retracts her hand and brought it back to herself.

"I know I said all those things before, but there's something you should know," Lori said. Even her voice was regaining support. It was good, Leni thought, that her sister was getting more comfortable even within her own bedroom, "You may have noticed this, but I have been selfish with my power for a long time."

Leni leaned forward. Did she hear that right? She knew it was wrong to ask for clarification. After all, it was her fault she couldn't understand what Lori had mustered up so much courage to say. Besides, she should have understood since she heard the word "selfish" and "power" before.

Lori exhaled and lifted her hand.

"Look," Lori said slowly, "For a while, I have been sad too. Scared. I was scared that if you or Luna or someone else stepped up and did the stuff I did, that you wouldn't need me anymore."

"You're so silly, Lori," Leni replied cheerfully, "no one can replace you. We all need you."

"You do know that you will have to get by without me soon. I'm literally gonna be out of the House, a couple hundred miles away," Lori said frankly.

Leni sunk even further. How could she say something so lacking in basic knowledge. Of course she understood that. And if Lori's face was anything to go by, it wasn't pleasant. Quick. She needed to make her sister feel better. Anything.

"I love you," Leni said, "we all love you."

That got Lori to smile. Kinda. It was like a little U-shape on her lips. Leni could tell the shape existed more from contortion than driven by any particular feeling. But it was a start.

"Thanks," Lori said hesitantly. But then just as quickly as it appeared, that forced grin vanished, "but you need to know that what I felt wasn't good. This fear I had led me to think terrible things of all of you," she sighed, "there were times when I became jealous of you."

Leni's eyes widened.

"Jealous of _me_?"

"Yes," she replied sincerely, "because you're a lot better than me. You're great at sewing and picking out clothes. That's a talent that people can appreciate and I wish I had one just like you," she then paused to take a breath, "All I have is being the oldest, which means I can have responsibilities."

"Responsibilities?" Leni asked cluelessly. And what a horrible moment to lose track of the conversation.

"Things I need to take care of," Lori explained, "but yes. For a while, I thought you didn't need to worry about not having something to contribute. Everyone comes to you for fashion advice," she then crossed her arms begrudgingly, "even me. And on top of that, you're nice, caring, fun to be around, easygoing."

As Leni listened, she found herself in disbelief. Lori didn't know the half of it. Nice? Leni knew she had her own petty desires flowing through her mind, not to mention the impulses that she has no control over. Caring? Just in this "conversation", Leni had already barged herself in, interrupting her sister in a moment of seemingly complicated emotions. Fun to be around? Try bringing up something that wasn't clothes or _Princess Pony_ and Leni would pretty much draw up a blank; so much for an exciting time together. Easygoing? Leni knew all too well how confusing and overwhelming life was. Between all the noise and seemingly random information, the fact that anyone could have moved through it comfortably was a mystery to her.

"Some days, I was so worried that they would choose you over me when it came to babysitting or driving that I just felt I had to do something about it," Lori continued, "so I started being tough. I thought that if I convinced everyone that I was their only option, then no one would ever think of turning to someone else to do the job, including you," she then paused. By then, her face was full of regret. Her eyelids were heavy, as if they were about to collapse, "So that's why I sabotaged your driving test back in the fall and why I told everyone that the House would fall apart if I wasn't in charge."

Lori crossed her arms again. But rather than being an expression of attitude, her wrists wrapped around her stomach and her hands clung to her back. It was like her older sister was trying to give herself a hug, to keep her own pieces together. Meanwhile, Leni was on her lazy bum, sitting in a chair watching everything fall apart.

"Wait a minute," Leni said, remembering something. Lori looked up at her, as if she was desperate for her words. Leni internalized this, realizing that her actions truly mattered. It was time to put the nice and caring label to the test, "there was that time when Linky stood up to you and, like, we went along with it. And then we, like, tied you in a chair and we did whatever we wanted," she shuddered as memories of that came back. She still couldn't believe Luan snuck a real spider in the House just to mess with her, "And then, like, the House fell apart. But then you swooped in and saved the day!"

And with a lift, Leni launched herself from her chair, standing up to Lori's level.

"We needed you, Lori," Leni said warmly, "you really are the only Loud that can take care of all of us."

Lori sighed. She wasn't smiling, not even in that compulsory effort she made earlier. Leni became troubled seeing this. Without a smile in sight, Leni thought the next step was to hug. Sure, it had only been two seconds since she finished, but the lack of an expression told her she needed to act. Now.

Leni propped up her arms, but Lori brought her hand first, using it to halt such action. She froze. Lori had never done that before, especially when someone was offering her a hug.

"You don't understand," Lori said, "yes, things did get crazy, but that wasn't just because I wasn't in control. Lincoln told me all about it. He didn't just let you do whatever you wanted," she then took a breath, "he practically added to it. When Luna was playing her amp, he turned up the volume for her. When Lana was making mud pies, he hauled more mud in the House. He didn't need to do that, but he did anyway. That's what made it worse."

Now that she thought about it, Leni realized how little she understood the logistics of that evening. Everything was so chaotic, that things became blurry. All she could make out was incessant noise, rancid odors, and terrifying sights.

"You're right," Lori said, "Lincoln did take things too far and that made the House fall apart."

Leni was relieved. At last, she was helping her sister see past whatever meanie was trying to make her all sad. Lori was too perfect to be sad, as was her siblings. And yet, Lori still wasn't smiling. Was this was a small step along the progression? With that grin face still present, Lori approached the closet and opened its door. Curious, Leni followed her into the room and watched as she pulled out her uniform.

"But I don't need this just to get you all to behave," Lori said, holding up the uniform up, "Look at it! It's a Halloween costume. This isn't even real leather."

Admittedly, she was right. Leni could sense the material was cheaply put together. In fact, several tears had even popped up, mostly along the seams.

"I'm not a drill sergeant and I've always known that I didn't need to be one,l. Mom and Dad are never this harsh or dramatic and things run perfectly fine," Lori said as she pulled the black shades out from the jacket pocket. She sadly swung the glasses around, staring at the plastic while she continued, "I just did it because I was scared," in a surprise twist, Lori chuckled to herself, "Now that I think about it, it was kinda silly putting this thing on every time Mom and Dad went out."

Leni stared at the outfit. Even though they were the same height, she had her doubts about fitting into that getup. Besides, store-bought costumes were rarely comfortable (she preferring outfits that she made herself).

"So I don't have to, like, wear this?" Leni asked.

"No," Lori answered, shaking her head, "In fact, I won't be wearing it either," she then exited the closet, still holding the costume by the hanger, "I'll probably sell it at the next yard sale. College isn't cheap and I could use the extra cash."

"Oh...okay," Leni said gently.

Lori laid the outfit on her bed and leaned back up. Despite this, she kept staring at it, gazing at the cheap material and emotional baggage it entailed for her.

"But back to what I was saying," Lori said. After another breath, she broke eye contact from the costume and turned back to Leni. She looked more calm, comfortable to be speaking to Leni, "for a while, I had a hard time dealing with this problem, of feeling useless in the family. It ate at me and I was constantly worried that people would stop coming to me for help," she then took a breath, "this past year, I was able to get past it. It was slow and hard, but do you know what really helped me?"

The silence was unsettling. Lori's gaze was piercing into Leni's psyche, trying to crack open whatever it was she was hiding to get it out. Leni, though, was not deterred. All of this was just a test, to see if she had any willpower. No one really cared about these feelings she harbored and she didn't blame them.

"I talked to Mom and Dad about it," Lori said assertively, "It was some time after that driving test last fall. I knew I had messed up badly. It made me learn that these troubling thoughts I had were not only damaging to me, but they could spread outward and hurt you. And that was unacceptable."

Lori paused to breathe again.

"So I sat down with them and told them everything. I will admit it wasn't easy and at times it was hard to think that I actually did it," and then, in a miraculous turn of events, the blank face she had contorted into a smile. This one wasn't forced or fake. Leni could tell it was one of relief, that it was the marker of accomplishment, "But at last, all of it was out there. When I finished talking, I felt better because there was nothing left to hide, that I wasn't holding it all by myself. And do you know how Mom and Dad reacted?"

Perhaps it was best to let her older sister answer her own question. Leni shrugged her shoulder, curing her for that perfect moment.

"They understood how I felt," Lori continued, that smile persisting, "they gave me all sorts of support and advice. We hugged it out too. Their guidance and love made it easier to move forward, to start chipping away at that nasty mindset one piece at a time. Mom and Dad didn't think less of me. They were proud that I was able to come out and be honest with them," she briefly turned towards the costume, wrinkled and powerless, "Looking back, I realized turning to them was the best thing for me. Now, it's easier for me to talk about my feelings and to be happy with who I am," to cap it off, she brought a hand to her chest,, "And I know I have people like you and our parents that will always be there for me. No matter what."

Turning back to Leni, Lori stared at her. Perhaps now was a good time to say something, to acknowledge that she had been listening.

"Okay," Leni said.

"Leni," Lori said. This time, she reached a hand out to her. She darted between her older sister's extended palm and the understanding face that was attached to it, "I'm not gonna force you to talk to Mom or Dad. And I'm also not gonna force you to seek help in some other way, but..."

Lori paused. From the uncertain look in her eyes, Leni could tell she was debating something. At this point, Leni knew she had to listen, to hear her out. The whole time, Lori kept her hand awkwardly jutted out, several inches from Leni.

"You can talk to me," she continued hesitantly, "I want to go off to college knowing that you will be safe."

"Safe?"

Her older sister flinched. Leni wanted to tell herself that it was a slip of the tongue, that she didn't mean for it to sound so drastic. Sure she didn't fully let into everything, but did Lori really think that she'd hurt herself? Or worse?

 _"No. Without her around, you'll probably do something stupid. A car accident? Yes. A finger caught in the sewing machine? Totes. Killing yourself?"_

Now it was Leni's turn to be stunned. She knew what suicide was and she thought about how sad it was that people would do it. Despite knowing that she was a complete disappointment to everyone she encountered, Leni would never try to kill herself on purpose. After all, one of her many flaws was cowardice.

But what about dying on accident? There were few times Leni considered how lucky she was to survive seventeen years without losing her life. A quick investigation around the House revealed all sorts of traps for someone of her deficient capacities. A long flight of stairs, countless outlets, a garage full of weapons a serial killer would use, and a car volatile enough to speed off the road.

"Well...you know," Lori said, trying to recover. The protruding hand shook as her mind processed all sorts of ways to spin her message, which Leni found unnecessary, "It's just that...well..."

Leni remained still as Lori tried to find her way around this, but there honestly wasn't any point to it. But at the same time, Leni understood that interrupting was wrong in every way. Lori was the one to start the conversation, so she was gonna have every inch of her way on this.

A lot of it consisted of Lori gazing at the ceiling, embarrassed to even look at her own sister. That hand just kept shaking, like a baby that needs her parent to hug her. Recognizing her subordinate role in this interaction, Leni grasped the extended hand. Just like that, Lori froze. For a moment, Leni was feared that she was gonna start crying. That would have been beyond unforgivable.

Luckily (if she could call it that), Lori gradually lowered her head, no welling tears to be found. Leni really was lucky.

"It's that just that lately, it's seem like there's something I don't know," Lori eventually said after taking a sturdy breath, "All this time, I thought it was just because of...our sister...but now, I can't help but think there's more to it and I wanna know more."

What an unusual test, Leni thought. It was shocking to learn that Lori had problems of her own, ones that could simply be resolved like that. But then again, Lori could do anything. She was perfect, after all.

 _"Don't even think about it! You've had your chance."_

Seventeen years was an eternity in messing up. All her tried were exhausted just learning the basics. And even then, she still didn't get the whole grasp of it. What type of person would she be if she reached out for help once again? Would Lori even trust her with all this stuff from babysitting to driving?

"Please Leni," Lori begged, "you don't have to do this alone."

The same thing went for talking. And making friends. And learning how the world works. What good was she if she needed someone holding her hand for everything? Mom and Dad. They must have wanted to do other things than to take it slow with her. It was her fault she held them up. Even now, all she was doing with her stalling was making her big sister sad. Lori could have used how ever many minutes she spent in here packing or learning something new about Bobby.

When would this unhealthy situation end? Leni told herself that she needed to dig herself out of this rut. She wasn't gonna leave Lori going off with just a sour feeling in her mouth. Not on her watch (or phone).

Leni shrugged her shoulders. That was something she knew indicated that she didn't know something. After all, how could she speak if she didn't understand?

"I know you're upset about something and I want you to feel better," Lori said, her voice filling up with worry.

Leni squirmed in her spot. Her big sister did sound pretty convincing. In fact, her mind did start to run through some grievances on its own, articulating raw emotion into intelligible words. Without even thinking about it, she was inching closer towards doing it. Leni was actually on the verge of vocalizing things she never thought would see the light of day.

 _"Stop!"_

She caught herself just in time. Luckily, Leni hasn't opened her mouth or given any indication (as far as she knew). Lori just kept staring at her, as if nothing had happened.

It was with that shock that Leni recognized how selfish she was. There was a reason she didn't say those things. No one had time for them. Even now, Lori just wanted to feel better. And this wasn't gonna cut it, no matter how Leni chose to view it. On one hand, Lori could have been honest and merely laugh at her absurd claims, all while mocking her inability to keep unimportant matters to herself. But there was also a far more troubling prospect at bay. Lori could pretend to care, by setting herself on a mission to reform. Both of them knew it was a lost cause, and yet Lori would waste her time any way. She would make herself suffer just so that Leni could feel the horrific toll her selfishness yielded.

Leni shuddered at that thought. Either way, she knew what she was doing was wrong. It was never okay to force one's feelings into another, no matter how hard they became to handle. Once again, Leni told herself she needed to deal with it on her own. That was her debt to pay to all the kind, generous people that suffered so immensely for no gain.

And with that, she shook her head.

"I can't," Leni said, "I don't wanna talk about it."

She had done it. She passed the test of humility. But why was Lori still looking at her like that? As the two silently stared at each other, Leni tried to pick apart why Lori looked so sad. Maybe the test was still happening. What was next? Was Lori gonna try to get her to confess to her enjoyment of _Princess Pony_? There's no way Linky could have dropped such a hint to her big sister.

Leni rubbed her hand along her wrist, waiting for Lori to say something. After all, Leni didn't want to speak up herself, lest she let something slip out.

Eventually, Lori sighed. Leni perked up, hoping her sister would finally drop this charade and move on to more important things. She watched as her big sister gave her one last glance, one last chance to trip her up. This time, Lori was kind enough to not make it last. And then, she walked out of the room, leaving the door open.

Leni turned towards that passage to the hallway. For a moment, she thought that Lori really was upset, that something she did had hurt her. For real. Those pair of sad eyes did look pretty convincing, given their large size and glimmering light. As far as Leni could tell, Lori didn't appear to be using anything to fake it. She had no idea Luan was such a good acting coach for her big sister.

But all she needed was a shake of the head to snap back to reality. It was a shame how selfish she was, especially at desperate moments like these. Leni scolded herself for wanting her big sister to actually be sad over anything. And worse, if Lori was sad, then there was a goodbye chance Leni was double-charged with deception. She hated presenting herself as more likeable than she should have been. It was the cheapest form of dishonesty.

As she turned back to her sewing machine, all she could think about was how she was guilty as charged. The thought horrified her more than boys wearing jorts. But now, her work needed to continue.

* * *

Leni had never seen so many boxes before. All of them were packed in a special trailer the family had rented specifically for this occasion. There was barely any space left over once they were all accounted for. It made her wonder what it would have been like if they were in Vanzilla instead. There would have hardly been any room left for anyone, let alone all her siblings.

But remarkably, they got the whole package in one piece. Leni found herself stuffed in the very back with Lucy, Lisa, and Lana. Lori, the woman of the hour, was in the first row along with Lynn, Luna, and Linky.

It wasn't that her younger sisters were boring. They were perfect and every word they said deserved attention. During the long car ride, she did her best to follow what they were saying. Lana loved to talk about what the pets were up to, mixed in with occasional pleas to play in a mud puddle they passed by. Meanwhile, Lisa spent much of the ride discussing a book she was holding. All of it was long and remarkably detailed. Leni tried super hard to concentrate, to piece together each word.

But unfortunately, there were instances where she simply couldn't keep up. While some of the confusion was explained from her limited vocabulary, there were also instances where even ordinary words became garbled into an incoherent mess. Leni knew, however, that both instances were her problem. It was always her problem.

And then, there were long periods where Leni ultimately stared out the window. The scenery was barren on the road from Royal Woods to Chicago. Corn fields and cow meadows were the predominant feature on much of the route. While she heard the occasional protest of boredom from Lola or Lynn, Leni personally didn't mind it. Sure, there wasn't a single mall (or clothes shop) to be found, but for some odd reason, Leni found solace in the open space.

The way she saw it, the open fields were peaceful. She could see herself living there, eating the fruit that sprouted on the trees and vegetables that rose from the soil. Her days would be filled with gorgeous landscape, blue skies, soft grass, and gentle breezes. The lack of a Mall didn't even cross her mind. Nor did the need for a phone or a car or family. But then again, there was no sadness out on the farm. Leni enjoyed the simplicity of the dream. And for a car ride as contained as this, that was all she needed.

Eventually, the plains gave way to more familiar surroundings: neighborhoods, restaurants, and plenty of stores. There were cars riding alongside Vanzilla and people walking along the sidewalks. This gradually expanded; the buildings got taller, the traffic more congested, the people more hustling. Leni detected that this was the big city she had been hearing Lori talk about.

Chicago was like Detroit, only much bigger. The buildings were larger and shinier. The sights were more magnificent in their novelty. Leni also noticed a lot more White Shoes. It was slow moving across these streets without halting. And, of course, there was the noise. The perpetual, incessant sounds that clashed together into a roar. Even with all the windows closed, Leni could hear horns, shouts, drills, and music emitting from an invisible source. She couldn't believe that Lori chose here to go to school.

After an eternity, Vanzilla finally rolled into a viable parking garage. Of course, it was far from ideal. The spot they found was a floor beneath street level and there was only one narrow elevator. The only relief was that the garage was close to the dorm.

"Everyone out!" Lynn Sr. announced.

Given everyone's position, Leni was one of the last to ease her way out. Vanzilla's structure required her to climb over the upholstery, slumping her way around. The one thing to keep in mind was to not accidentally kick Lana or Lisa in the face. As far as she could tell, her foot didn't meet anything other than air and parts of the wall. At least she had that going for her.

The trailer full of boxes was intimidating. Upon seeing the collection, Leni knew she needed to act quickly, to decide which pieces to take before Dad decided for her. She took two heavy boxes stacked on top of each other. Judging by the lack of noise, she concluded that it must have been clothes (an odd thing to store in cardboard).

Next was the elevator. Given the small confines they were given, the family was forced to separate. Lori had gone up with Lynn and Luna for the first trip. Unfortunately, Lincoln was hauling too large of a load to fit in the first trip. Seeing him stand with a big tupperware box against the metal doors, Leni gravitated towards him. Perhaps he could use some company at a time like this.

"Hi Linky," she said, hoping to get a conversation going.

"Hi Leni," he answered warmly.

Before she could add anything else, she heard a buzz. It wasn't her. Her phone was sitting back in the car. That only left one option. Indeed, Lincoln pulled out his phone and checked the screen. Curious, Leni peered over at the text bubble. She quickly noticed Lori's name on the header.

 _"GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW!"_

Was something wrong? Was there a fire happening or a meanie trying to hurt someone? Leni jerked her head back to Vanzilla. Everyone was just going about their business, lugging box after box out of the trailer. Did they not know the horror?

Just then, the elevator door opened. Leni hustled her boxes in the cramped space. As she cornered herself in the back, she anxiously watched her Linky pull his load into the remaining space. Watching him struggle to pull the heavy hunk of plastic made her regret setting up her boxes like impenetrable walls. He needed help. Lori needed it too.

He found a way, though. Linky was all packed in with his blue Tupperware against the control panel. He was even the one to hit the floor button. Admittedly, this wasn't the bonding experience Leni had in mind. They were only heading a floor up, plus it was crowded. It quickly became uncomfortable.

As the metal doors reopened on the surface, an impatient Lori awaited them. She tapped her foot and had her arms crossed. She practically hoisted Linky out of the space and dragged him out into the street.

Recognizing the deed that needed to be done, Leni came up with a clever idea. She stacked the cardboard boxes on top of the tupperware container. Sure enough, the top was spacious enough to fit both boxes. Leni's eyes widened as she realized she had done something smart.

Smiling, Leni gripped one end of the blue tupperware and pulled everything out. It was a heavy load and her bent figure limited her leverage, but it was the best she could do. Leni slid everything out of the tiny office space separating the elevator from the sidewalk, her back pushing the door open on her way out.

Chatter immediately filled her ears. Now that she was within proximity of others, Leni decided to give her arm and back a break. Leaning up, she noticed four familiar faces. Lori was smiling as she listened to her reunited boyfriend Bobby. Seeing them interact for the first time face to face in a long time made Leni smile herself. Their bond appeared stronger than ever.

But several feet away from them was Linky having a conversation with someone she vaguely remembered. Leni knew she had seen that face before, but couldn't put it to words. She was happy to be with him, though. Who wouldn't be? And Linky was smiling too, which made Leni even happier.

"Hi Bobby," Leni interjected, waving her less-tired arm.

"Leni! It's great to see you again," Bobby said with a hearty grin, "How have you been?"

"Great! Thanks for asking."

As he spoke, though, Leni couldn't help but peer at her little brother taking away. It wasn't Bobby's fault at all. He was wonderful. It was just that Linky's smile never failed to grasp her attention. And apparently, Bobby turned towards the two younger children.

"Have you met my little sister Ronnie Anne?" he asked gently.

What was she supposed to say? She wasn't too sure about that one time where she saw this girl, although it made sense that she was his sister. Why else would she be accompanying him.

But then she remembered the name. It took a minute to process, but at last a connection had been made. Lincoln had referenced a "Ronnie Anne" and how apparently, they were "friends". Of course, Leni was hardly the first to question that label, given his occasional blushing, persistent correspondence with her, and an overall bashfulness whenever the Santiago name came up. Linky always admitted that sub allegations were false. He really meant "friends".

"Yeah," Leni answered.

Observing the two continue to interact, there was some ambiguity in this question. Sure, they weren't hugging or kissing each other, but Linky looked very comfortable next to her (maybe a little too comfortable). That smile probably wasn't for show; she didn't even do that with Helen (or at least she didn't think she was).

As she thought some more, Leni heard the door open. Jerking her head towards the sound, she saw Dad emerge with two arms full of boxes.

"Hey Bobby! Long time no see," Dad said, sneaking his head around the cardboard.

"Same to you, Mr. Loud!" Bobby shot back. Several seconds later, his eyes widened at the tremendous load in his sight, "I've got some free time if you want me to help you with those boxes."

Lynn Sr. eagerly nodded his head.

"Sure! The more the merrier," he replied, "besides, it'll give you and Lori a chance to catch up."

Leni's mind was now confronted with a new challenge. She thought that Lori and Bobby had already been talking to each other, giving them that chance. How could Dad say they haven't done that? She was sure the answer was somewhere in sight, even though she was too embarrassed to ask anyone. But in the meantime, there were boxes to be hauled.

College was hard. Even with fourteen able-bodied people working together, it still took over an hour to transfer everything from the sub-basement parking garage to Lori's dorm. It was an endless routine and pulling her arm muscles, waiting to cross the busy intersection, and gazing at the same campus sites en route to the building. Leni didn't realize how much grass and trees there were at this school, despite being in the middle of the city. It was like Lori was going to school with the sights of Central Park.

Throughout the ordeal, Leni didn't find much opportunity to talk with anyone. Much of the time, her mind was left to its own tangents. She found that if she takes to herself, it made the chore go by a little easier (at least at first). Admittedly, there came a point where the monotony of the task outweighed any enjoyment she got from the ideas that popped in her head or the environment around her. Leni just wanted this cycle to be broken.

Once all the boxes were moved, there was a change. Now, instead of moving the boxes, everyone was tasked to remove everything inside. At least that had more variety than transporting boxes. As the team went about deconstructing the mountain of cardboard and plastic, they became grateful that Lori's roommate wasn't moving in for another two days.

Clothes took up the most space. Leni could have sworn that her big sister took virtually every shirt and dress in her closet (the exact answer would have to wait until they got back home). On top of that, there was makeup and hair products: shampoo, lipstick, rouge, eyeliner, conditioner, brushes, curl irons, and everything in between.

The other dominant feature were decorations. Lori had insisted on purchasing at least a couple when they went school shopping. At first, it seemed a simple _Boyz will be Boyz_ poster would suffice. Indeed, Lori went out of her way to buy a nice big one for the wall. But then, a shopping bug fell over her. She wanted Christmas lights, just like she had in their bedroom, novelty coat hangers, signs, picture frames, and everything in between. There were about two boxes dedicated just to these Mall knick knacks. As Leni went about organizing them, she found herself thinking about Lori's roommate. The poor thing wasn't gonna have any room left for her stuff.

But this was Lori's day and she appeared to be reveling in every second. And who could blame her? She was with the love of her life again, plus a new and exciting city, plus a new space to call home. And most of all, Lori was starting a new beginning. A new dawn to finally be happy and to pick the life she desired. The only problem Leni had with that vision was that she wasn't allowed inside it.

At several points, Mom teared up as she was mugging various items to their respective locations. Leni did her best to give her the hug she needed at the earliest opportunity. It was uncomfortable to hear her own mother crying like that. While Leni felt no incentive to cry herself, she was unnerved, propelling into a situation she would rather not be. All she wanted was for all these perfect people to always be happy. Because deep down, that's what they all deserved.

It was an uphill battle, but at last, Lori's dorm was complete (save for that roommate). The entire family (including the Santiagos) huddled beside the doorway to gaze at their work. Between the store-bought sheets and decorations and all the personal items acquired from home, it was about as personal as a college dorm could get. Lori stood at the center of it all, smiling at all the love her family displayed in their monumental effort.

"Is there anything else you need, honey?" Dad asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Lori turned to his loving face.

"Thank you Dad. You've done it again."

As the two joined each other for an embrace, everyone else inevitably joined in. After all, in a family as big as the Louds, group hugs were practically in each member's genes. Not to mention sentiments. Each of the siblings showered Lori with heartfelt goodbyes, all delivered at once. And yet despite all the "We'll miss you"'s uttered at once, Lori still found bliss in each one. Her smile widened.

"I love you all," Lori said softly as she rubbed one of her eyes.

And there was time for a second round of "aww"'s and hugs. No one was willing to leave so swiftly, not without getting _everything_ out. Of course, Leni had the most togive. It was a shame that she was relegated to the outskirts of the clump, but she wasn't too insistent; Linky, Luna, and all the others had priority. Nonetheless, she smiled eagerly and never took her eyes off her beloved big sister.

Reluctantly, each of the Louds (plus the Santiagos) filed out of the narrow doorway. After all, Vanzilla was waiting for them in a parking garage that charged them by the hour. Similar to custom, Leni yielded to the younger siblings, allowing them to exit first.

As she slowly inched her way towards that door, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Leni turned to see her big sister smiling. Her eyes were filled with hope. That, of course, was always a good sign.

"Remember what I told you," Lori said warmly.

Now was her chance. If there was any opportunity to send a message of her own, Now was the time. Lori was just standing right there, easily huggable and easily persuadable. Was this the setting to initiate a hug, to force herself upon Lori before she entered her paradise? Leni loved Lori and she wanted to show it, but today wasn't about her. It was never about Leni.

Instead, Lori was the one to lurch at her with open arms. For once, Leni was able to feel warmth. Lori truly was too nice for her own good, she thought. But, in her usual selfish tendencies, Leni accepted the hug. It was fuzzy and sweet, which her base instincts couldn't help but indulge in.

And it was over too soon. As they separated, Leni was haunted by her big sister's perpetual smile. How could she still be like that? But then the answer became clear. And Leni wasn't one to spoil a good mood (or want to).

She silently waved at her big sister and filed out, following the family in front of her. As she struggled to catch up with the others, Leni realized that Lori had now gotten to the place where she always wanted, where she could finally be happy. Sure, Leni was now gonna be alone in her room at night, but that was how it was supposed to be.

And then? All her younger siblings and her parents. They were gonna be stuck with her all the way home. That wasn't right. It was never just. She realized that more needed to be done about this, more than just her sitting around never doing anything.

 _"Don't worry everyone. This time next year, none of you will need to deal with me anymore."_


	46. Responsible One

So this how it felt to be Linky. On one hand, Leni was used to being alone, particularly when she was working on projects at her desk. But she wasn't sewing right now. For days on end, she had to get used to not expecting a door to click open or to get an earful of Lori's observations. No more gossip about Bobby or makeup all over the place. It was only now that she realized that this room (where she had slept for as long as she could remember) was too big. At least Linky didn't have extra room to remind him of his loneliness.

This horrendous contrast sat in the back of her mind as she wavered her finger across her laptop's mousepad. She knew that sitting around wasn't gonna fix her problems. Leni knew it was time to stop wasting time on a matter she should have addressed long ago.

Where to start, she asked herself. Google, of course. Luckily, that was her default search engine. Now what? That was the tougher question.

Leni stared at the blank white bar. It was empty, save for that cute little line that kept flashing on and off. She pondered what she would type in that would give her the answers she needed. She already tried queries such as "best colleges" and "where should I go to college". Leni found all sorts of places like Harvard, Stanford, and Yale. But a further look inward reveal something striking: none of them had fashion as a major.

What was she left to do? She knew there were fashion schools out there and she yearned to discover them. Leni brainstormed some on how to reach it. Well, there was the word "fashion school". Maybe the Internet would understand what she meant by that. It was more than worth the try (she had to do it).

Typing the query "best fashion schools" into the search bar, she was inundated by numerous links leading to blogs and ranking lists.

Leni happily discovered a number of schools with pretty-sounding names. All of them seemed amazing, that they would open up doors for her to flourish in the art of fashion design. She had little question that attending one of them wouldn't make her happy (but more importantly, everyone else not ashamed of her).

Once past the names written in bold letters, she peered at more general location. Some of these top schools were in New York City while a lot weren't in the country at all. To attend some of these schools, she would have to fly all the way to London or to Paris.

There was little question that either of those cities had their fair share shopping malls, department stores, and tailors. Leni thought those options were tempting on their own. Sure, she wasn't a fan of big cities for their noise, lack of fresh air, and abundance of people to remind her of how socially inept she was, but this www her education.

Then she realized where she lived herself. Was Leni willing to move so far away from her family just to go to school? She would have to miss birthdays, Halloween, all the cute little shops and activities in Royal Woods. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer were so far apart that Leni would essentially become more New Yorker or Parisian than Royal Woods-er. Leni shook her head, trying to get those horrible thoughts out.

 _"You're being selfish again._ _You're doing them all a favor by going away."_

What about Helen, though? Leni realized that she hadn't even asked her own friend what her post-high school plans were. She wanted to be a fashion designer too. Right? No, that was too bold an assumption. It was just her way of papering over the fact that she didn't even know that.

Maybr she could send a text. Leni was tempted to give in, to pull out her phone and once again intrude the poor girl's privacy to ask such a penetrating question. Helen might get embarassed or wonder why her friend was being so direct. Leni told herself that she should have already known the answer and she was, in fact, a terrible friend. If she waited until school, at least she would have the courage to admit that to her face.

This might turn out for the better after all. Leni knew she had to make this move, but they were so alien from what she was used to. There had to be ones a little closer to home, far enough to give Helen and her family relief but close enough to make her comfortable. Leni shuddered at that selfish thought (no cared if she was comfortable), but at least it should be considered? Maybe?

Resigned, Leni shut off the monitor and headed downstairs. She knew it was time for the next trial. Noises from the each of the bedrooms echoed out. Luna was practicing the keyboard while Lucy was reciting her poetry. Luan and Lynn must have loved it.

Upon reaching the bottom of the steps, she saw her parents in their formal attire. By this point, Dad's cerulean suit was nothing new, but that didn't stop him from having a blast while adorning it. Meanwhile, Mom was content in her verdant gown. Leni knew that as a couple, their colors didn't match; if she had it her way, she would have swapped out that dress for something pink or convince Dad to retire the suit for something brown or orange. But they were happy. Who was she to judge their fashion decisions.

"There you are, honey," Mom said upon seeing her, "we're gonna be heading out shortly."

"Remember, babysitting is a big responsibility," Dad replied as he adjusted his black bow tie, "You're gonna have to make sure the kids behave and don't make a mess."

"Do you have any questions?"

It's stunning how those two operated as a unit. If this was anything to go by, then Mom and Dad must have had a super sense, where they could read each other's minds and finish each other's sentences. And what a message to deliver to her. It made such perfect sense to remind her of these basic things. Otherwise, there's no way she would have even known what a babysitter was.

"Nope," Leni answered.

"Well if you need anything, all you have to do is call us," Mom said with a smile, "we're gonna be at Louis Pierre, the same place we always go on date night."

"Okay!" Leni chirped.

With nothing better to do, Leni went to the couch and plopped herself down. Farting her eyes between the black TV screen and her phone, she contemplated what she could do to pass the time. At this point, she was unable to sew. After all, how was gonna be able to do that and watch over the others at the same time? There was the TV, but she couldn't think of anything to watch.

All she could think of was sit there and use her phone. It was a miracle that she lived in a time and place where she could have the Internet and access to Helen all on the same machine. Just as quickly as Leni asked herself what was new in _Princess Pony_ , she was able to type up a Google search and get it. The new episode wouldn't be out until tomorrow. Darn.

Ultimately, Leni lost track of the time. She kept scanning various forums and Fanfiction sites, trying to catch the new tidbits about Rosy Cake and that weird theory that the villain Full of Holes was once a princess. Nothing she found was spectacular or all that original. Maybe a new revelation was on the way.

"Alright kids," Mom announced as she stood at the front door, "your father and I are heading out! Listen to your sister Leni!"

Leni shuddered upon hearing that. Once again, things were getting way more complicated than they should have. She knew this was an important duty, one that would give her at least something resembling pride. This was supposed to make her better, to make her feel like being happy again. And yet, hearing her name being used in this context felt wrong.

It was wrong because she was so used to having Lori around. Everything from her departure to her ascension was too rapid to register. It was a shame too. Leni knew she was better off if she could just accept responsibility for whatever incident occurred on this evening. But she doesn't even have it in her to do that.

Even though she was at the front door, Mom still found it best to walk straight up to the sitting Leni. Indeed, as Leni got yet another close up at that dress, the strong perfume seeped its way into her nostrils. Unexpectedly, Mom leaned in and pecked a kiss on her unresponsive cheek.

"I love you, sweetheart," Mom said gently.

"I love you too," Leni instinctively replied.

Was that something Mom did with Lori? It must have, given that her parents loved her big sister was loved by them. Right?

As Leni pondered that question, she caught sight of Mom returning to Dad. The two giggled at each other before heading out the door. Leni heard it click shut.

This was real.

Normally by now, she would have already been lined up in the foyer, awaiting instructions from her commander. The rules were clear as day. No slouching, no talking, no smiling, and no "in sawboard nation". But instead of hearing a piercing whistle hurt her ears, all Leni could make out was distant footsteps. It soon struck her that she was the only person on the main floor.

Scanning through her phone, her search for something entertaining proved fruitless. And the TV simply wasn't on her mind right then. Leni wasn't in the mood for the the big flashy images and bombastic sounds the TV produced. At least her phone had options for adjusting her perspective.

It was peaceful to say the least. Three minutes since the parents left and there was no mess to be seen. Then again, no one else could have come into this room to trash it. The noise was reasonable and she couldn't smell anything rotten. And best of all, there were no spiders anywhere. Nope. Nothing was wrong.

As Leni leaned back in her seat, she was able to settle down. Lori was right, after all. The thought of staying like this the entire evening flashed her mind. At this pace, it very well was a possibility. The couch became cushier by the second.

 _"You could even fall asleep right here."_

That was tempting. Sure, she wasn't tired right now, but who knew when Mom and Dad would be back. It was an option to keep open, just in case they decided to stay at that restaurant (whatever it was called).

Occasionally, she checked her phone. Time was moving at a snail's pace; each time Leni checked, it was only a minute or two later than it was last time. It reminded her of those days when Lori presided. In those times, the nights also moved slowly, Mom and Dad seemingly crawling across town just to reach their destination. But that was due to not being allowed to have fun. Indeed, once she had her cell phone, Lori became intent on limiting her use of that essential device when Mom and Dad were away.

Leni knew she was no Lori. Almost everything about this night was alien to her (and apparently to her siblings). And yet, the passage of time was a stunning constant. While it was a breath of old familiarity, Leni couldn't tell whether it was something to be admired or something boring. Clearly, her tired body had made up its mind. Why couldn't her head?

Crash.

She jolted up. Her back became a pencil. Her legs became planks of wood. The Ducky arms were as prominent as ever. It was stunning that she didn't launch out of her seat. But just like the sudden crash, her mind was quick to throw all sorts of ideas at the wall. Maybe someone tripped or walked into a wall. Maybe Lynn was practicing one of sports or Lisa dropped a bunch of books.

It took her train of thought a minute to even register the idea of investigating herself. After all, she had spent so much time sitting back while others have assumed that role that the idea of being in that position never even clicked with her. But what a night for the cold, surprising reality to splash her in the face.

As Leni threw herself to her feet, she then remembered how long it's been since the crash. If something bad happened, then it was probably sitting there waiting for her to discover. Reminding herself of her mission, Leni raced up the stairs. She prayed that no one was hurt. They were too perfect to be in pain. Lori would have long since been on such a clatter.

She pounced to the second floor. And just like that, the culprit (intricate as it was) became obvious. The attic ladder was propped down. At its base was a big bulky box-shaped thing, a tangled faded orange cord, and pair of cymbals that look like they should be on Luna's drum set instead of on a ground. And sure enough, in the middle of the mess was Luna herself, with a dusty red guitar strapped around her. Her stance was wide while her hands slowly tried to grab hold of each object. And then there was Leni, was staring at her.

"Are you okay?" Leni finally asked. Maybe it would help if she got a little closer to the mess. And so, her feet propelled her forward.

"I'm alright, sis," Luna answered cooly, "I was just hauling this stuff done and I accidentally dropped it. Sorry for the mess."

That was it? All this energy, rapid-fire emotions just for something mundane. Luna didn't even have scratches on her. The girl just shirked off any disarray this experience could have produced. And now she was picking up the pieces, moving the rest of these objects to her room.

"Let me help you," Leni blurted out.

"Sure," Luna replied as those tranquil eyes beamed.

Examining the scene, Leni determined that the amp was the heaviest object. Her sister probably would appreciate not having to haul that by herself. But as her hands gripped around the dusty handle, she soon made the disappointing realization: the amp was heavy. As if she ever considered her sewing machine hard to carry, this amp was like a sack full of bricks. To think that Luna could have been stuck doing this.

Not that she complained, though. Leni knew she could never guilt her younger sister like that. All she wanted to do was be happy by playing her music.

"How's everything going?" Luna asked as she held two of the drum cymbals.

"Fine," Leni answered with a smile. Her eyes then fell on the amp, "Are you, like, gonna be playing?"

"I'll try to keep it down."

Leni nodded her head. It was all she could do as her arms seared from the weight; they might not have ripped off, but the longer she pushed, the more Leni wished they would. Still, she didn't grunt (or tried not to). Luna deserved an easier load.

As she turned into the bedroom, Leni saw Luan lying in her bed reading a book. Knowing her little sister, it must have had something to do with jokes. Maybe Luan would treat her to something funny. All she could do as she dragging the amp was to hope.

Judging by how the room was configured, Leni assumed the best place to rest the amp was against the window, away from the drum set propped in the opposite corner. With the target in mind, Leni took a deep breath as she dragged the heavy load across the carpet. She occasionally glanced at Luan as she got closer to her, curious to see if she will notice her. What started out as a smooth pull quickly devolved into exhausted tugs. If her hands were fabric, they would have been too wrinkled for an iron to fix. And her arms were practically burnt pieces of salmon by this point. But no matter, Leni knew that her sister needed this.

"You don't need to bring it all the way over there," she heard Luna say. Leni paused. Was that real? It must have been, given how it sounded exactly like her perfect sister. But on the other hand, there was no way of knowing for sure.

Given how selfishly things operated in that mushy gloop called her brain, she could have just imagined her sister's voice speaking to her. It tried to tell her that it was okay. Leni knew it. There was no way Luna would turn down the help. Maybe she was good for something after all if she could at least recognize her fault. Now it was a matter of overcoming her aching pain and finishing the deed. Taking another deep breath, Leni jerked the amp along, nudging it closer to the wall.

"Leni," she heard, "you can just leave it there. You can stop now."

And just like that, Leni halted. The amp was still three feet away from the wall, hardly enough for a job well done. By then, Luan had looked up from the book and stared at her. Maybe now she was ready for a joke. It was a strange one, that's for sure. Luan rarely started jokes without a smile. Was this a new experiment or something?

Her fickle attention shifted to Luna. It turned out she really was in the room after all. The cymbals has already been laid down along with a bunch of other things. There's no way that could have been everything.

"You need me to help you with anything else?" Leni asked. She scratched her hand, staring at her younger sister. The thought of Luna saying yes blotted our everything else. She needed this. It was the least she could do after Luna suffered the blow of falling down those decrepit attic steps with no babysitter to save her. When would her sister see that, that she had been wronged?

Clearly, though, the answer wasn't gonna emerge now. Luna didn't look the least bit frustrated. That easygoing grin hadn't been chipped and her swagger was an eternally radiating force. All of Leni's hopes of redemption evaporated.

"That's everything. But thanks for your help, sis," Luna said as she grabbed a guitar and played a chord. Even without the amp to power it, the strings resonated into an intense harmony.

And yet, Leni was restless. Both of her sisters were just staring at her. What did they want her to do? She couldn't bar them from doing the things they liked. After all, it wasn't like they were hurting anyone. But at the same time, she knew this wasn't the place for her to be. Leni didn't feel right being in the same room where Luna was making great art and Luan was trying too hard to concentrate. Leni, though, needed to be out. Just somewhere outside.

She then remembered the attic ladder. Perhaps that needed to be closed. Yeah, that had to be the reason she was bolting out the door. Luna and Luan must have been relieved, she thought.

Leni closed the door upon exiting. She turned to the left and saw that everything had been cleared up. Unfortunately, that also included the attic ladder. Luna sure had a lot of hands for someone carrying a lot of things. But now, there was no excuse for her leaving the room. Leni had barged out of there with no tact for no gain. She might as well have sewn up a pair of orange jorts given how little thought her mind actually used.

Without a direction to decide, Leni concluded the best thing to do was to stand still in the narrow, lonely hallway (no point in going back downstairs). Was this the hallway patrol that Lori liked doing? If it was, it sure got boring.

Leni couldn't find herself anything to do aside from pacing the hall. Maybe the movement would give her some pleasure (as it apparently did for Lori). She walked first towards Linky's door, staring at the lines etched into the wood. Every feature grew and became emphasized until stopping just before the knob. Leni had no intention on invading her brother's privacy. It wasn't in her place to do that.

Not wanting to be in idle discomfort, Leni turned around and proceeded to move to the opposite end. Her eyes glazed past the doors of her other sisters' rooms. And once she got to the bathroom door, she turned and paced again.

The monotony added up quicker than she would have liked. She thought that if she kept staring at the same surroundings, that at some point something would change. But alas, these surroundings had all the monotony of an unused roll of fabric. No one even emerged from those rooms, leaving Leni in a perpetual vacuum.

Well, it may have been boring, but at least Leni knew she could do it. Of course, going back downstairs was out of the picture. She knew she needed to be in the same place where her other siblings were (which was thankfully in close confines).

Eventually, Leni decided to stop. Her legs concluded that there was no point in wasting energy pacing back and forth. As she halted herself, Leni's ears popped from the silence. Was she stomping this whole time or was it that still in the hallway? Luckily, the silence didn't last long. She started hearing soft, yet deliberate sound emanating from behind her. Indeed, she was at the crossroads between the twins' room and the nursery.

Was it spying? Of course not, she told herself. This was her job, to make sure that everyone was okay. Still, Leni found herself stuck in a place where she didn't feel comfortable. From what she heard, Lola and Lana seemed to be going about their usual business. Lana was clearly making fun, cute sound effects (probably to go along with her playtime). And Lola, while not as Loud, was striking up a conversation with "Matilda" (perhaps she was on the phone?)

It wasn't like she could make out every nuance either. Some of the words and audible details were lost from the plaster walls and wooden door. Still, Leni knew it was out of her domain to infringe upon their respected privacy.

With "Loud" in the name, though, it was only a matter of time before things acted up. What started out as a soft harmony of childhood joy crescendoed into a spiraling chaos. Leni could hear all of Lola's sharp, bitter words now. That screeching voice penetrated any focus Lana's might have received earlier. Leni, with her Ducky arms up, contemplated what to do.

She never liked hearing her siblings get this upset (and Lola was notorious for maximizing that unpleasantness). Leni herself has never bore the responsiblity of resolving the twins' quarrels; it usually fell on the parents, Lori, or someone else). It was terrifying. They could have hit her or yelled at her if she tried too hard. Besides, Lola and Lana were pretty smart for seven year olds. Maybe they could fix it themselves.

Leni repeated they thought to herself. She trusted her little sister's to work it all out. It's not like they hated each other. They would come around and realize that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. Any moment now, it would die down and things would go back to normal.

A bang. Sure, it made her jolt, but was she really gonna inspect the scene? Maybe it was just an accident. Any moment now, the shouting would die down. And then, another bang struck the other side of the wall.

Maybe things weren't getting better after all. While two twins were struggling to reconcile their differences, Old "responsible" Leni was just standing around.

The third bang did it for her. Leni turned around and faced that dreaded door. No, she said. She already wasted enough time. She had waited until it got worse to jump in. Leni would be lucky if they let her off easy in her pathetic efforts. But now was too late to turn back. She had to make Lori proud and her parents happy. Taking a deep breath, Leni cautiously opened the door.

It was more violent than she could have imagined. Lola and Lana were wrestling on the ground, grabbing at each other's hair and clothes. Despite the room's grand size, the two were bunched in a narrow crevice (a little space between the wall and a flipped over plastic table). Toys, dolls, and plastic kitchen ware were strewn across the floor. And there was the yelling. The two sisters barked at each other, trying to claw into their defenses.

Leni's entrance did little to change the situation. None of the siblings stopped or even hesitated. But it was too late to turn back. She needed to end this mean behavior.

"Girls. Stop fighting," Leni said, trying to be gentle. He voice, though, was swallowed up in the conflict. The two continued wrestling, as if Leni wasn't there. Of course, who could blame them when the babysitter was only at the doorway.

"Um...Lana, Lola," Leni said as she inched closer to her sisters. She extended an arm in the hope that one of them would notice. All she saw was more quarreling and all she heard was shouting, "please stop...it's not okay to, like, fight."

Conflict was practically their lifeline at this point. As Leni continued to move closer to the tossle, a disturbing thought crossed her mind. What if one of them hurt the other? With nails like her's, Lola could have drawn blood if she really wanted to. And Lana had knuckles harder than bronze, which certainly could have left a mark if she punched hard enough. What would Mom and Dad say? The blame would naturally fall on her. Leni wouldn't forgive herself for the pain and disappointment she would wrought.

"Please stop," Leni said, this time attempting to raise her voice. Her throat was constructed and she wished there was another way around this. Maybe if she took one more step closer, they would finally notice her.

Once she was within arms reach of the twins, she extended them out, hoping for something. Leni wasn't sure what, though. And clearly it didn't work (each of them slapped against her hands, forcing her to recoil). More needed to be done. Leni uttered "Please stop" as she dug herself wholesale into the battle zone. This time, she hoped that the efforts of her entire body would somehow separate the two, giving them the space to listen.

It was a nice thought, but these seven-year-olds were much stronger than she anticipated. Her arms struggled to pull back against the sisters trying to meet each other.

In that moment, they acted like wild dogs. They weren't listening to Leni. All they could see was each other. Mutual hatred and savagery motivated them to seek blood. Leni kept insisting that they stop, but all she got in response was more pushing. At some points, they gripped her arm just to exert more leverage on the barrier she was working so hard to maintain. Leni got confused. She had run out of options for dealing with them.

As the question of what to do next simmered, the aches she felt from holding them back intensified. Her dull, meaningless words produced a pushback on herself she wasn't used to. The mind within that hurting body was free. Steady ropes were sliced. Her brows sharpened. Every part of her became emboldened.

"Stop!" she screamed. With a gust, Leni jerked her arms outward, shoving both siblings at least two feet apart from each other.

The pain resurged in greater blasts than before. Her face seared with uncomfortable heat while her arms collapsed. Within seconds, almost every bold element that culminated in that swift motion was gone, leaving behind a rotting residue.

Leni remembered all those times people had mischaracterized her as the "nice one". Well, that was proof for both her sisters to see of the deception she had led them down. Her cheeks blushed as she filled her mind with alternatives, a million ways in which she could have handled that better.

Maybe a jovial whistle or waving her arms around in a circular motion could have gotten their attention. There was also the tap on the shoulder, grabbing one of the numerous toys now lying on the ground, or even something as simple as knocking the door.

But of all options, Leni chose the more animalistic one. How disgusting. She turned to each of her sisters. Both of them were staring at her with attentive eyes. What had she done to her wonderful sister?

There was no turning back now. Leni had to reap what she had sown and she wasn't about to back down (not when she could help it). Inhaling, she reconfigured herself to stand up right. Her arms slowly lifted up (she unconsciously defaulted to the Ducky position). At this point, her ears were in the most pain. They ached from the piercing silence twins had rightfully punished her with. Exhaling, she proceeded forward.

"So, like, could you two, like, tell me what's going on?" Leni asked clumsily. Her eyes darted between each of the twins and the mess lying behind them.

Lana and Lola turned to each other blankly. Leni grew concerned herself, that she had reduced her siblings to such a debilitated state that they could even show how they felt. It was what made her so "nice".

"Everything was going just fine until _she_ rammed her dumb toy in the middle of my tea party," Lola said, pointing at her twin. There were inklings of frustration buried within her voice. As much as Leni hated seeing her siblings upset, it was good for them to let it all out. After all, that was the only way for perfect beings to get this pain out of them.

"Her tea party was in Rex's way. He was on the rampage and he needed somewhere to do it," Lana replied.

Leni watched as the two glared at each other. At least they were fighting. That was a step, she supposed. Now it was time to make them happy again.

"You, like..." Leni said. Her voice petered out as she became lost in thought. What was the best way to approach this situation? Not yelling, since they already had way too much of that. She wanted to be nice, but the how remained a mysterious blob with vague details. She locked her hands into each other as she spoke her indecisive mind, "should say that, like, you're sorry."

The twins sneered at each other.

"Well...I'm waiting," Lana said bitterly, crossing her arms.

"Waiting?!" Lola shot back, "It's all your fault! I'm waiting for _you_!"

"Well maybe if you didn't have your dumb tea party right in the middle of the room, I wouldn't have run into it!"

This wasn't how she planned it out at all. By now, Lana and Lola should have been hugging and apologizing. Leni didn't realize how much fighting words she infused into her own phrases.

"Please don't fight," Leni said, stumbling forward. Luckily, she wasn't met with aggressive jabs and pointed insults. The argument ceased. Once she regained her own posture, Leni leaned back, allowing her to see both twins with annoyance carved on their faces.

Leni knew she had to try something else, but that first suggestion took so long to conjur up (and look how it turned out). She was lucky to be given a second chance. But now she was wasting it, doing a better job at internalizing those frowns than figuring out how to turn them upside down. Where was Lori when she needed her?

Without anything to say, they all stared at each other. Leni wasn't sure what was gonna come out of it. Meanwhile, the twins were doing little to lighten the mood. Even in the midst of this confusion, Leni's mind was still trying to construct a coherent strategy.

But in the end, Lana sighed.

"Whatever," she said to Lola. The seven-year-old paced out of the room, leaving Leni and Lana alone. She peered into the hallway and noticed the older twin heading downstairs.

And now she was left with a choice. Who should Leni go to talk to now? None of the above wasn't a real option, nor was standing in the hallway. But it was Lola that made the decision for her. In a huff, she went to the pibkbplastic table and tilted it to its upright position. She proceeded to pick up each of the dolls and kitchenware that had been left on the floor (one at a time). As she did this, Leni shuffles her feet closer to the door, keeping her eyes on Lola.

"So, um," Leni said nervously as her eyes darted across the room. Lola, however, just kept picking up her mess, "I'm gonna be downstairs. If you need me, then you can, like, go downstairs and find me...okay?"

Lola didn't answer. Plastic clattered on the table and she went about reorganizing the cups, plates, and silverware. Leni was left to decide whether her little sister had heard her. Sure she wasn't looking right at her, but even if she wasn't paying attention, Leni decided it wouldn't have mattered. After all, Lola was a smart person and she would have known where Leni was if she needed anything. She trusted her.

Reassuring herself of that, Leni slowly exited the room, closing the door on the way out. Taking a deep breathing, Leni proceeded down the steps.

Lana was plopped down on the couch. As Leni got closer to her, her ear picked up sound (people talking). Even she was smart enough to know it was the TV. What a perfect opportunity to talk with her sister.

"Hi Lana," she said softly as she walked in and took a seat.

"Hey Leni," she replied. The bitterness in her voice was gone. That was a start, even if it wasn't from her input. The TV was doing its thing. Now it was Leni's turn to pick up the slack.

It was another episode of _Rabbit Hole_. That same boy bunny with the orange hat was standing beside two younger bunnies, each equipped with shades and police hats.

"So lemme get this straight," Harrison said, "Brook needs to use my room because she's acting up?"

"I don't think you understand," one of them replied. She pulled out a carrot and nibbled at it. As she chewed the tiny morsels, she snapped her head to her deputy, "Brianna, wanna show 'em the ropes?"

"Certainly," she said. With the smuggest of poker faces, she turned to Harrison, "you see, we sisters have a Protocol. It's implemented whenever two or more sisters attain at least Leel Three Aggression on the Systematic Sibling Interrelational Index. Under Article 234d, the sisters are required to be relocated to separate locations in the event of a conflict. Your bedroom has been designated as a tranquility station under Procedure 56xfg. And as the owner of the property designated as a tranquility station, you are required under Chapter XVCIX to comply with orders bestowed by sentinels, under which we have received the authorization to enforce these provisions as stated under Section 1900-d29."

Harrison's confused eyes blinked twice. After a moment to wrestle with the bureaucratic jargon, he shook his frazzled head.

"Why can't you just have them talk to each other?" he asked.

Brianna pinched her nose.

"Brenda, should you lay it on him?" she asked.

"It appears I must," she said, "perhaps I should put it in layman terms. Brook and Bonnie are too mad to speak to each other. They need time to cool off and we can't be meddling in their business. If one interferes, then it'll only make them angrier."

Harrison snapped an eyebrow.

"Meddling? Do you think I want them fighting? No!"

"Brother, you can't be getting in other people's business."

"Well guess what?! This stupid Protocol is getting in my business! It's not my fault Brook can't control herself!"

Harrison stomped to his bedroom with a determined look in his eye.

"Looks like we have a bogey," Brianna reported.

"We have to stop him."

Leni glanced at Lana, whose face lightened up with each animated moment. Maybe it washed presence?

 _"Stop pretending you did anything. She's happy at the show, not you!"_

She puckered up her lips. Leni refused to celebrate an achievement she had no no hand in creating. But what she could do is try to contribute at least a little.

"So," Leni said, turning to her sister, "you really like this show."

"Yup," Lana chirped, "you'd love it. It's about this bunny and he has ten sisters. He's the only boy in the family."

Leni had a feeling that was the premise. From her exposure, she hadn't seen any boys outside of the one wearing orange. It was funny how much that bunny reminded her of Linky.

Harrison stormed in the room, only to find a fuming bunny with a pair of boxing gloves. To ease her frustration, she threw air punches. She went up, down, left, right, and every other direction.

"Brook!" Harrison exclaimed, "Go downstairs and make up with Bonnie!"

"No way," she snapped back in a raspy voice, "The Protocol requires that I stay in the tranquility zone for at least two hours."

Upper cut. Straight ahead. Jab. Even as Brook continued her meditative boxing, Harrison crossed his arms.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, "We've never had a 'Protocol' before," he remarked as he used his fingers to signify air quotes, "And I don't know why you're talking to me like I'm an outsider or something. But you gotta get out of my room right now!"

"Why don't you buzz out of my business, bro?"

Harrison's glare intensified.

"You're in my business! My whole day is being ruined and I want you to cut it out," he exclaimed, "I think it says a lot when I can deal with adversity better than you can, even though I'm younger than you. You're being hypocritical a-"

Brianna and Brenda tackled him. As his face was squished to the ground, his body was dragged out.

"Sorry for the intrusion, Brook," Brenda said as she readjusted her shades, "you may resume your normal activities.

Brianna lifted up a mug of steaming hot coffee and slurped down a sip. It must have tasted pretty good, as the slurping persisted for at least ten seconds. By the time she was done, she had to release an audible exhale.

"Just another day on the job," she said cooly.

While Lana was noticeably calm, Leni's heart remained heavy. Why wasn't she feeling better? She thought she was doing okay. She supposed that because of her actions, Lana and Lola stopped wrestling and causing problems. But that barking command are at her conscience.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she blurted out.

Lana perked up and turned to her.

"It's fine. I'm not mad anymore," Lana answered.

That was also good. As long as her sisters (and Linky) were happy, that was all that mattered. So why couldn't she? Was happy just jealous at them, hoping to sap away at their energy just so she could fulfill herself?

Leni wasn't interested in watching Harrison get spat on by those other bunnies, even though it was high enough to make Lana chuckle. To pass the time, she gazed up at the blank white ceiling. The noise from the TV continued traveling to her ears, but she stopped paying attention to what was being said. Maybe in a little bit, she could go back upstairs and check on the others. Lola seemed to be fine, given how she hadn't gone done for help. She knew her sister could do it.

Her hand unconsciously gravitated to her hair. Leni's fingers grasped some blonde strands and twirled them about. She knew it wasn't good for her coiffure, but without anything to pass the time, she was left with little choice. Besides, no one would really notice. It wasn't like people were gonna like her for her appearance anyway. She sighed.

"Are you okay, Leni?"

Her head snapped down. Her eyes widened. Leni's heart bounced to her throat. She turned to Lana, who was staring at her.

How much did she let on? Leni didn't look sad, right? She was just stretching her neck. That was all.

"Yeah," she answered.

"Are you sure?" she asked again.

"Yeah," she repeated. This time, Leni modded like a bobble head.

Lana continued looking at her. Those soft eyes could kill. Leni's heart sped up, hoping that Lana would turn back to the TV. That's where her happiness was. She needed to be happy, not be bogged down by meaningless problems. Thankfully, she got that wish several seconds later. A pie launched headfirst into Harrison's face. Lana giggled and with that, her attention was back on her cherished show.

It took Leni's nerves a long time to ease down. She couldn't believe she was weak enough to let Lana get stressed out like that. This was her problem. Every defect in her was squarely on her plate. No one should ever have to deal with that. Pretending to care was a draining experience and Leni wanted to lift that burden off all of their shoulders.

As the "responsible" one, she owed her family that at the very least.


	47. Color Brown

_"Why is fashion important to you?"_

Leni scanner over the parameters: no more than 650 words, must be grammatically correct, and due along with the rest of the application on January 1. All that just to answer one question.

She lamented how it couldn't be something simpler, like what the best material was or what was the worst colors to put together. Then again, the college game wasn't supposed to be easy. If it was, then she would have already done it (at least in theory). All Leni could say was that she was glad to be looking at it now, as opposed to the last minute. Luckily, she was lined up to take the SAT and her parents have started giving her advice (which, of course, elevated the stakes).

To get to the heart of it, Mom said, Leni was gonna have to talk about one of her least favorite subjects: herself. What was there to know, outside of a warning signaling trouble come? But aside from the obvious discomfort and her questionable writing ability, Leni didn't want to do this. Part of her application was submitting a portfolio of clothes; if she was able to substitute her essay with an additional creation, Leni would have chosen that in a heartbeat. Leni loved clothes. Making them was one of the few things she had control over.

But unfortunately, she wasn't given that option. Leni had to find a way to write this down somehow. She knew this needed to be good. No, more than good. This had to be so astounding, that it would make up for her weaknesses (her GPA, while not terrible, wasn't all that wonderful). If she couldn't make clothes, then she needed to be able to talk about them.

Knowing what needed to happen, Leni decided to start (no point in dawdling). She opened up a word document, directing her to a blank page. She stared at it for about fifteen seconds. As much as she knew about her mission, phrases didn't come so easily.

How was it that Lori was able to flow out sentence after sentence without breaking a sweat? Heck, Lucy and Lisa were practically professionals despite their young age. All her siblings had a knack for words; they just found their way out of their mouths or onto whatever piece of paper they were holding. But for her, it was hard. Really, really hard to form even one sentence, let alone something acceptable for a school.

Well, without much of a plan, Leni assumes her best course was to just type words and see what happened. And with that, she slapped her fingers on the keys.

 _"I like clothes becuz there nice and comfy. Like I know that every1 here likes clothes but I reely like them. I make them with my sowing masheen and I want 2 make my sisters and brother Linky happy. They want 2 b hapee and I want to make them happy. Clothes make them happy. Thats y I like making clothes."_

Leni paused to examine her work. She wasn't good at math, but she knew that wasn't anywhere close to 650 words. On top of that, despite her best efforts, she knew it wasn't substantial at all. There had to be longer ways of explaining everything she just articulated in that paragraph. She kept what she had written and continued.

 _"I think I started liking clothes when I was 9 or so, but I don'r know. Something abowt the way they looked and the way they fellt and the way they came together just made me reely like clothes. They made me hapee and I wanted others to feel that way 2. I got a nice big sowing masheen on my 10th birthday and I use it sents I was 10. I use it all by myself and I got good at making clothes. I make clothes like dresses and surets and pants and underwhere for Linky and dresses and all sorts of fun things. And I help my sisters and Linky when they dont no what 2 where. They ask me what clothes they look good in and I say Lore looks beter in blew or say Linky looks good in oringeh. That makes them hapee 2 and I like it when they are hapee."_

Well, it was kinda better (the key word was "kinda"). Leni was bewildered that she could get so many words down just by going off the top of her head.

A break was in order. Leni took out her phone and checked the latest posts by her classmates. Carol posted a "totes gorg" pic of some super old buildings. She knew Carol was smart, but being around those surroundings made her look even smarter. This one building was so old, that it had grass coming out the side of the wall. Most of the time, it would have looked weird or unkempt, but this was a special type of plant. The green was dark and rich, blending in seamlessly with the architecture.

Next, there were some of Lori's other friends. There was that one girl Whitney who took a selfie on her bed. At first, Leni thought the girl was at her house, but it turns out she had another picture attached. Taking a look at it, she saw that the nearby window revealed that the room was ten stories above the ground. Lori never mentioned Whitney living in an apartment or in the city, except that there weren't any other big buildings outside that view (there were just smaller buildings, fields, and trees).

And speaking of Lori, she had some new updates herself. It was a picture of a yummy-looking sandwich on a plate. Below the image was the caption (Chillin with my booboo Bear!) It was cute know hat those two were together. Leni was sure that if she were right there, she would have seen a big smile on her big sister's face.

Who knew college could be so much fun? Without having to wake up to her disturbances every day, Lori had more room to spread her wings. And now it was time for Leni to grant that same liberty to everyone else. They deserved it.

In that case, Leni realized how little she was accomplishing by sitting around doing nothing. This was important, after all.

Putting her phone away, Leni examined her work. Reading it over again, she realized that there was a lot more to explain. She was gonna have to write more just to fill up that word count and give some much needed answers. The question, though, was where? Answers were more difficult to produce. Leni rubbed her temples, trying to warm up her brain.

 _"Come on, you. Give me something. Give them something."_

She poured through multiple memories, particularly of her sitting down and sewing. Leni tried to put those feelings to words. Sometimes when she was making clothes, she liked having little talks with herself. Maybe it was formulating her opinions on the most recent episode of _Princess Pony_. Other times, it was about a quirky or funny scene from school or just hanging around the House. It was a shame that they couldn't be included in this essay (they made the process more entertaining and less monotonous).

Monotonous? As much as Leni loved sewing, one word that summed p a lot of the process was repetitive. One side of the fabric came right after another. A lot of times, it was either a square or a stretched out square, which meant running up the side, turning the corner, and starting again. Once in a while, there would be a different shape, such as a part where the fabric bends (those were fun). Was that something these people would like to hear? It was honest and filled up the word count. It was worth a shot, she supposed.

 _"Sowing can b a weerd thing bcuz like its the same but different 2. There days when I make the dame shapes over and over and over again. Scuairs come 2 mined. But I also make fun shapes with circles and tryanguls and its totes fun. I go 2 the mall when I want 2 get things to make clothes. Red is a good color and blew is another color that is good. I think the only color that never looks good is brown. I cant think of any thing that looks good when its like brown and stuff. Well mayb pants look good but it has to be like lit brown not like dark brown. The word is tan i think but its ok if u have a deverent way of saying lit brown."_

That seemed like enough for the moment. Besides, Leni understood the deadline was far out and she had a bunch of words written down already. Big mission or not, the urge to use the precious Internet was becoming less and less resistable. How was she gonna know what was new with Rosy Cake or Helen if she wasn't glued to her phone screen? There was no other way and she knew it.

Others would check her work anyway, her base instinct told her as she shut the computer and stowed it away under her bed.

* * *

As hard as it was for her to believe, Leni had finally finished a first draft. Checking the word count, it was 647, just under the limit. Granted, the formatting was a little sloppy, but the important thing was that the thoughts were on the page. Leni smiled at her own accomplishment. Even she had to admit that it was impressive coming up with 647 words all by herself.

Now came the uncomfortable part: getting someone to read it over. It wasn't even her idea to begin with (her English teacher highly recommended it). Leni knew what the stakes were. They were way up, past the roof and up in the sky. As much as the thought gave her jitters, Leni concluded it was for the best.

There was the teacher himself, who seemed friendly enough. Besides, he was super smart and could give her so much help, the information would pour out of her ears. Leni briefly considered it, until she realized a crucial fact. Around this time of year, he was probably super busy with school stuff. The poor thing hung had at least a hundred students to worry about, grading their homework, answering the questions, dealing with his own life (and above all else, Leni didn't have ear plugs to keep all the learning stuff inside). Leni was just gonna be a strain on that already tight schedule. And with that, she mentally crossed him off the list.

Next up were her parents. They were home quite a bit and they knew what she was doing. Surely, Mom and Dad wanted to get her out of their lives too and were willing to do anything to meet that goal. Mom would have read over the essay, told it was terrible, maybe write part of it herself, and push through a polished story that might have stood a chance. But was it worth it? Even though they were home, Mom and Dad were a lot like teachers: they had other children to deal with and time wasn't on their side.

On the other hand, what choice did she have? Lori was gone now and wouldn't be back until Thanksgiving. Sure she could have waited until then, but this would have been an unpleasant task to force upon her big sister after such a long time away. It was like, "Happy Thanksgiving. I'd love to hear all about your fun stories, but here's a bunch of stuff that's all about me."

None of her siblings were really an option either. Leni assumes that none of them had any interest. Luna would rather write a new song, Luan a comedy routine. Linky was too precious to lay all this girly stuff on him. The list went on.

The only other person she could have picked was Helen. Sweet, gentle Helen. Leni had already asked so much out of her friend. She was a real trooper for putting up with Leni's antics days in and day out, whether it was listening to her rambles about clothes or being forced to agree with her on _Princess Pony_. Leni didn't need to press all these words about clothes on her. On top of that, Helen was most likely thinking about college herself (Leni, of course, always forgot to ask her about it). If she was gonna guess, then Helen wasn't gonna go for fashion. To be forced to read this terrible essay wouldhave been both boring and insulting at the same time. So much for being a good friend.

No wonder this was a tough situation. After considering every angle, Leni knew that she couldn't submit her terrible essay without the help of one of these people. The only problem was that none of them deserved to be met with the heavy obligation. What was she to do?

Maybe she could try reading it herself. If the problem was her being lazy, then maybe she could start pulling a little weight herself. It wasn't like Leni had anything else do right then.

Scrolling back to the top of the document, Leni found the first word. Here went, nothing she said as she began. As Leni read the opening paragraph, she became distracted by those squiggly red lines. She didn't put those there (or at least she didn't intend to). If she sent this to the schools, would they also see them. That shade of bold red was a strong color to go with the black, but the white paper surrounding it all created a mixed complexion. In some elements, it was gross. While white usually served as a nice contrast for black, the intermediate color (red) established that it wasn't supposed to create that particular effect. Not only was the color scheme unpleasant, but its message was confused.

Leni knew she had to get rid of them. She checked some of the formatting options, but none of them had ways to get rid of (or make, for that matter) these red lines. Where did they come from? Why was it over "becuz" but not "like"? Maybe if she clicked on the word in question she would get an answer.

Leni somehow managed to highlight one of the red words and right-clicked. Another word popped up in a bold bubble beside the original word. It sounded a lot like "becuz", but it was spelt differently ("because"). Was that it?

She clicked on the bold word, causing it to vanish. As Leni reeled back from the sudden action, she slowly noticed some other changes. The word "becuz" had changed to "because" and that disastrous red line was gone.

Then it hit her. That first word sounded a lot like the bold word. As it turned out, all those red lines were indications of spelling errors. Rather than fixing the word for her, it left behind that ugly mark, tempting her to look into the matter. As this realization settled over her, memories seeped their way to the surface, minute circumstances of her being told how to use the word processor. Leni should have known that the red lines were a feature, one that was a tool for even the most perfect of users (such as Lori).

As it turned out, the first task for her was to make the paper appear beautiful. After all, how was she ever gonna get into fashion school if she couldn't give anything an attractive presentation. Leni scanned the document for all the words with red lines (which was too many for her to be proud of). It was a word, followed by the correction, and then a click to change it. No, she came to discover, it wasn't good to use the number when saying words that sounded like "one" or "two". Just because a word sounded a certain way didn't mean it was spelt that way (English was an unforgiving beast).

 _"I can't you believe you were gonna ask someone to do_ this _for you."_

Leni wasn't in the mood to hear that right now. Couldn't she correct herselffor once without getting so critical? It wasn't like she enjoyed being reminded of her problems. As selfish as she was, the bitter taste that voice gave was unbearable. When would it just end?

 _"You need me. If I don't tell you about this stuff, no one will. You're gonna forget and mess up even worse. And without me, you wouldn't even feel sorry for what you've done."_

She sighed. It was all too true. Leni couldn't think of a single instance where she has remembered anything without someone else telling her. She probably would have been worse without that voice. Her voice was the best guardian out there, the entity that opened her eyes to the world. No one else would ever tell her how untalented, unlikeable, an unbearable she was. Politeness was a burden enough for her victims.

With that "pointless" (as her overblown ego put it) exercise out of the way, Leni forged ahead, fixing her mistakes one at a time. On a few of the words, she read through the correct spelling several times over, in the hope that she could eventually learn it. It was the least she could do.

Eventually, all the spelling mistakes were resolved, leaving behind a black and white document. Leni took a deep breath reveling in her progress. She was definitely into something. Her phone passed her mind. Was it time for another break? There were so many words that she must have deserved a minute or two (checking what site remained to be seen).

Her hand moved automatically. Before she could count to three, Leni had already gotten past the lock screen on her phone. She got onto Google and stared at the blank bar. Now that she had this special tool, what was she gonna do? Did Leni even have a plan on what site to go on? Maybe there was a friend on social media she could check up on. Maybe there were some cute blogs just waiting to be discovered. Or there was the chance that a new fanfic had been uploaded.

And yet despite having all these websites in her mind, Leni's fingers didn't move. For whatever reason, her eyes were glued to the blank white search bar underneath the "Google" logo. She knew she had the interest, so what was the holdup?

Going purely off instinct, Leni typed in "fashion blogs". Thousands of links popped up on her phone, cute blue lines that she could pursue. One of them was called Stitching it Together. That one sounds fun. There was another one called Beauty Quern's Court. Sure that was a little snooty, but surely the writer was a nice person.

 _"You know you have to be working."_

Leni knew. All she needed was to click on one of them and read just a single post. That wasn't gonna be hard. She was gonna restrict herself.

She went to the Stitchng it Together blog. The home page was flooded with a massive gallery of dresses, presumably all made by the same person. Leni's eyes widened at the diversity and abundance of this wardrobe. The fabric had to havecost at least $30 a roll, not to mention the top-of-the-line sequins (which even in the day popped out like the brightest stars in the night sky). This was excellent work. Now she had to read an article.

The most recent post concerned an encounter the author had at the mall. Leni didn't quite catch her name (nor where she lived), but she nonetheless envisioned the Royal Woods Mall, painting the faces and surroundings with her familiar background.

This was gonna be the only article she read. And then it was back to work, no ifs. Anyway, the author ran into a girl she apparently has had a history with. Leni was able to understand every word being used, which miraculously also allowed her to get the gist of the story. From what Leni could gather, the author spotted a totes cute red dress (which she was kind enough to provide a picture of). But as it turned out, there was only one left and this girl was getting a little too close to it. The author took the hint (even though Leni couldn't).

The author practically sprinted towards the dress. As she picked up the pace, she spotted her rival looking at her, compelling her to speed up. It was a heart pounding endeavor. Leni gripped her hands on the screen, desperate to know who would prevail in this dramatic battle. She cheered for the author while ridiculing the rival (why that other girl was bad remained a mystery). In the end, it was the author who snatched the dress, beating her opponent by a narrow margin. The closeness wasn't daunting at all; the author took great pride in rubbing her victory in that other girl's face. After all, that would show her.

As Leni scrolled to the bottom of the page, she spotted a sentence underlined, reading "I Did the Impossible: I Made Brown Fabulous!"

She didn't know what to say. That was something Leni didn't know and a mission she had been dying to accomplish. She knew what this meant. She couldn't back down from having a fashion enlightenment. Besides, she quickly discovered other links beside this groundbreaking story. It was then that Leni realized she had a lot of reading ahead of her.

* * *

"Hi Leni," Mom said as she popped into the living room. It was just a day of nothing. Somehow, Leni found herself downstairs with her laptop for a reason she couldn't remember.

"Hey Mom," she replied. This was the best of the story, the one where the author finally got the sequins to stick on (nothing some durable thread couldn't fix. She smiled, widening her mouth.

"I meant to ask you. How's your essay coming along?"

"It's done."

No it wasn't. She had the appropriate number of words, but she knew the quality was questionable at best. Leni wanted to resolve this issue at some point, to transform the material into something extraordinary, the special kicker that was gonna get her into some place.

One more article, she kept telling herself, and then it was back to work. This author was fun to read, but she was also a great writer. She had a flow and vocabulary that clicked with her, put her in the Mall alongside her. It was like the dresses she described were really in the room, where she knew how they looked and felt.

"Did you want me to check it out?" Mom asked.

"Sure."

Leni instinctively closed the blog, leaving only the essay behind. Mom approached her and sat on the couch. Seeing her parent in close proximity, she handed the laptop to her.

And then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She made a promise. Mom wasn't supposed to be taking time for this. Leni knew she was stupid, but this was insane. She couldn't even remember her own promise, not even bothering to put effort into remembering. What a disgrace, she thought to herself.

"Like, don't you have other things right now?" Leni asked nervously.

"Not really. I've just been sitting around, relaxing," she answered calmly.

She was on a roll.

Leni, of course, knew better than that. Mom had better things to do; anything other than this would have been better. Deep down, Mom loathed this obligation. She was silently agonizing through every word, her perfect mind struggling to comprehend the whiny nonsense before her. Leni was too scared to look at her, her eyes selfishly seeking solace on the carpet. She wanted to scream, to tell her mother that she didn't need to suffer like this. Why couldn't she see? Why did Mom feel the need to hide her distress from her?

But Leni couldn't muster the courage to tell her that. And even if she did, Leni realized that her Mom would have continued. It was her way of punishing. Rather than excoriate her for the injustice, Mom would have continued down the path, tightening her face and body to keep the pain inside. Leni was forced to sit through the suffering. It was like watching a scary movie: the sights were horrifying and the wrong was inherent, but the observer had no control over the victim's fate.

At one point, Leni clenched her hands together. She deluded herself into think that if she squeezed hard enough, Mom would decide to get up and leave. Who cares how hard it was to squeeze beyond a certain point? All that mattered was that her loved one would be free, away from the obligation. Then again, seventeen years was a long time to be in captivity. What if she convinced herself that this was her lot in life?

"Well honey," Mom eventually said. Leni's eyes perked up. This was the moment of truth, "You're off to a good start, but we can work to make it better."

 _"In other words, terrible."_

"Okay...like, what did you see?" Leni asked pensively. She was determined to keep her hands clenched. They were her one safety net against the storm she knew was looming.

"So this is about why you love fashion," Mom said, turning the laptop towards her. Leni stiffly leaned in to see her words, "but throughout your essay, there are times when you talk about other things," she then pointed to one particular excerpt, "here, you write about the color brown. I think it's great you have things to say about the color brown, but it doesn't answer the question 'Why is fashion important to you'."

Just as she thought, Mom was annoyed with the essay. Maybe this was the moment to let her go, that she shouldn't continue with this tedious process. It was gonna be like pulling teeth (painful, damaging, and pointless). Mom was certainly heading down a path that would have only ended in misery.

"I'm sorry," Leni said, gripping her hands even more. By then, they were starting to become as white as chalk.

"Leni," Mom said, her voice sounding like she was concerned (now she was trapped even deeper), "you don't have to apologize for that," (yes she did), "I'm here to help you and I think there's some good things in her. Look," she then scrolled down to a different part of the essay, "here, you talk about you like making other people happy. That's a great reason and I think you should talk more about that."

Leni perked her chin.

"You think so?"

"I do," Mom replied with a smile (she must have caught a tear in Leni's facade).

The two stared silently at each other. For a few moments, Leni was unsure whether she was supposed to speak or if her Mom was trying to formulate her next thoughts. Maybe it was a good thing, but it was uncomfortable to say the least. Why was she looking at her with those pitiful eyes? Poor Mom didn't need to torture herself like this, unless Leni already forgot what this was all about (pretty typical of her).

In the end, it was Mom who broke the silence.

"I know. Why don't you write about the Fashion Club in your essay?" Mom said, "those kids at Bartholomew's Helpers are happy because of the things you've done for them."

That was a good question, Leni thought. The past four years have been dedicated to raising money for these kids in need, those who deserve a shot. She never stopped, always pushing to see how her events could raise more money to buy talking pieces of plastic, people like Maddy, and books to read. It was an attractive concept.

"Can I have it?" Leni asked (just as she remembered the forgotten 'please').

Mom obliged and handed over the laptop. Hitting the 'Enter' button, Leni proceeded to type.

 _"I werk on a fashin klub at my school. Every yeer we have like two shows where everyone puts on nice dresses and walks on the stage and stuff. They smile when they go on and that makes them hapee. And peeple in the seets clap and give us monee and r hapee to see all the nice dresses. That makes me hapee to. And then we take the monee we make at the show and give all of it to a specul skool where kids have that thing I also have but they dont get the same stuff I did when I was a kid. Its not right. I feel like all those kids shod talk and have frends and no who they r."_

Leni paused. Did she really want to go down this path? For all the zeal she had towards the Club's efforts, she never stopped to think about one aspect. What if someone like her grew up only to perceive themselves as terrible? Of course, there was nothing wrong with them; all the students at Bartholomew's Helpers had far more potential than she could ever hope for. But more services means more awareness, which could paint one's mistakes a darker shade of black.

On the other hand, though, these kids were different. All they needed was a little push to make them realize their greatness. Right?

After all, Leni was always broken. All Mom and Dad had to do was help her discover that. Now, it was up to her to take matters into her own hands, to minimize her disruption. Hopefully, each of the kids the Club paid for would grow up to be happy and carry no shame for who they are. Leni wasn't about to guilt any of them into thinking they're less than who they are. Maybe her program was for the good after all.

As for Mom and Dad, Leni felt that this was appropriate to leave in the essay. It would increase the chances of her getting in, which meant freedom for all her loved ones. It had to be done.

"Here you go," Leni said cheerfully, handing the laptop back over. She stared at her mother as she accepted the device and scanned over the draft. Leni hoped that she would like it. She had to impress her somehow.

Luckily (or unfortunately), Mom was a quick reader. Her expression softened as her eyes continued moving across the screen. That had to mean something. Then again, it was selfish to indulge in wishful thinking (silly Leni).

And then Mom turned to her. What would she say? The moment was here. The quicker Leni settles the chaotic noise in her brain, the sooner she would understand.

"That's pretty good," Mom said. Her lips appeared to be curled upwards, although they were too low to discern an expression. In the moment, though, Leni caved in and told herself it was a smile. After the last few minutes of hearing silliness, all she wanted was a little relief, "We'll have to work on the spelling, but the message is there. Good job!"

Leni was tempted to give a hug. Those words did feel nice and it would have been especially nice to show a little gratitude. After all, what type of "nice girl" didn't give hugs like candy? Parts of her unwound (even if others felt tight) as she tried accepting the supposed compliment.

But it took a great deal of restraint to remind herself of the mission. This wasn't about Leni gorging her disgusting self with faint praise. She wasn't a better person for doing this. It was too late for her to improve herself and she had to accept that. If anything, Leni had to thank Mom more for (once again) helping her. If it all worked out, the real prize would eventually be worked out. Leni felt it could be done, that she wouldn't be left to drag everyone else down forever.

With that said, though, Leni still left behind a little smile of her own. After all, she wasn't completely down. And besides, she was still prone to caving into receiving "praise".

"Thanks," Leni said gently. And yet, behind those soft eyes was a perpetual reminder of what was supposed to happen next.


	48. Poor Thing

"Here we are!" Leni announced as she rolled Vanzilla into her assigned parking spot. By now, she had made the same commute enough times to easily slide into the space. And since she liked leaving early, Leni rarely had to worry about other cars once in the lot.

Leni hopped out of Vanzilla and flung open the door.

"Come on, sleepy heads!" she said playfully, leaning into the seat.

Luan (normally energetic from her stand-up routines) was unresponsive. Heavy bags sagged under her weary eyes. Her frozen hands were welded to a stryofoam cup while her aching arms gradually brought the lid closer to her lips. All Leni could hear was a slow, tired slurp from the hot coffee inside. What a morning to be alive.

One by one, each of her younger sisters slumped out of Vanzilla. None of them appeared thrilled that they were at school before the sun was up (not to mention the bitter cold). But even with the slouched back and perpetual yawning, Leni was determined to get inside and start her day.

In her eyes, Leni really viewed being early as better. There were no cars to worry about, few people, and plenty of time for Helen (who had a tendency of arriving at least forty minutes before homeroom). There was was a comforting serenity filling the otherwise empty parking lot. Leni could understand the simple surroundings, admire their beauty, and not have to worry about what others had to say. One of the few joys she still retained (aside from her loved one's genuine approval) was being alone. She could say, feel, and do as she pleased without worrying about others seeing her as weird or stupid.

Leni smiled at the blanket of snow on the ground. It was a special gift in the week leading up to Christmas. For once, she tried to not let the others' exhaustion and apprehension ruin this precious, delicate mood. She was one with herself out here.

And apparently, the other sisters were able to find places of their own; as soon as Leni entered the toasty building, the other three sisters had dispersed. While she hasn't bothered to ask either of them, Leni had her own ideas of where each of them went. Luna probably went to the band room to practice the guitar. Luan probably found some friends in the hallway and chatted up a storm with her fellow comics. And Lynn probably headed to the weight room for a refreshing morning workout. She wasn't inconveniencing them (as her pathetic ego tried telling herself), she was just giving them more time to have fun before the drudgery called class began.

Even when she was inside, the calming openness traveled with her. Leni enjoyed being able to hear her own footsteps and move with her natural flow. No one was around to stare, to judge her for any slip of social norms. If she wanted, she could stretch her arms (that helped keep them toned). Leni could also get away with whispering to herself if she really wanted. But above all else, she could pause to admire even minor details in the walls, ceilings, floors, even the layout of the hallways. Leni could stop in her tracks to truly examine something (she did do that at times). It was fascinating to discover new things about the building just from asking questions.

Of course, Leni's ultimate goal each day was to find Helen. If she wasn't mistaken, her friend was just around the corner in this tiny hallway. Her heart fluttered as she approached that familiar corner. Her eager legs made the turn, reconfiguration her vision.

And there she was. Helen was comfortably sitting on the floor against the wall. Luckily, there were no lockers in this space, so few students had reason to come down there in the morning.

"Hi," Leni said, waving her arm.

"Good morning," Helen said warmly, her eyes lighting up as she saw the Loud rapidly approach her. Before she knew, Leni was plopped down, squished right up against her. Both of them were giggling.

"How have things been?" Leni asked.

"Same as yesterday. Pretty good," Helen replied, "How was the Show?"

"Great!" Leni answered.

What better answer could she have given? Last night was the Club's Fall Fashion Show, which brought in a record $5,000. Even without Lori or Carol around, Leni was fortunate enough to have a new set of members determined to bring in the gains. She heard they were vigilant in advertising and fundraising. Not only did these people have friends willing to attend, but some of them even made trailers for the event.

Leni never expected the Club to acquire such valuable members, not that she was good at recruiting (a realm where others took the lead). In fact, with the remarkable talent of these students, Leni found it a miracle that she was still the president of this growing organization. Did she trick others into thinking it was her responsibility for the good times?

But now wasn't the time for such dawdling. Helen was here. Happiness was the one and only currency that these two exchanged with each other (and Helen has always held up her end).

"I'm glad to hear that," Helen said.

"So, like, I was thinking," Leni said. Her eyes veered off towards the nearby wall. She wasn't sure if this was her body trying to be dramatic or if she was just nervous. It was funny that Helen brought up the Fashion Show; she didn't think the question was gonna be that easy to deliver. But even now, with the golden opportunity, Leni still felt fuzzy just envisioning herself uttering her planned words.

Of course now, Helen was eagerly waiting. Was she gonna disappoint her?

"There's only one Fashion Show left before we graduate," Leni noted. Her heart twisted itself with each passing word. She couldn't help but hear that voice, telling her to quit this awkward streak. And yet, she forced herself to continue, "and, um, it would mean a lot to me if, like,"

She paused. Even after all the working out in her brain, Leni still couldn't decide how best to phrase this. She didn't want to sound demanding (Helen would have been more than justified to back out if she wanted to). She didn't want to be unclear (a clarifying question would have dragged out the conversation). She didn't want to sound robotic (a part of her really wanted this to be reality). Leni glances at her friend, who was staring intently at her. There was no use in keeping her waiting.

And besides, great moments happened without a plan. Right?

"I wanted us to do something together," Leni finished.

Helen's expression was unchanged.

"At the Fashion Show?"

Leni nodded eagerly.

"Oh," Helen said as her gaze wavered to the floor.

She knew it. Leni shouldn't have acted upon her selfish instincts like that. Watching her friend just sit there with that short reply only excaerbated the guilt. In one question, Leni had ruined the whole day for her special friend. Didn't she learn anything from the last time she asked Helen about being in the Show?

"Is everything okay?" Leni asked, her voice wracked with concern.

"Yeah," she said softly, jerking her head towards her.

Silence seeped its way into their tucked corner of Royal Woods High. Well, on the outside it was quiet. Leni could hear that voice seething inside her brain. All she wanted was some relief, for it to just leave her alone. But it wouldn't desist. After all, who knows what what would have gone wrong if it weren't there.

"So, like, I know you didn't do it before," Leni said. As she spoke, she felt the urge to cling to something. But what? Her other arm seemed to do, "but maybe we can go out on stage together. I can make a nice dress for you and, like, we can be holding hands and," she paused. Leni couldn't stop rubbing her arm. By this point, it was the only thing holding up her confidence, "we could be friends out there. And, like, I'll be there to support you."

Leni then felt her lips curling into a smile. It was a natural cause and effect. Not only was she thinking about how perfect her friend was, but she could see it for herself. Leni couldn't help it and hoped that Helen could feel the same.

"What if I'm not good enough?" Helen asked. Her face was anything but joyful, "those other people you get to dress up are so pretty and have tons of friends," she then brought a hand to her hair. She grasped a thick brown clump and sunk her fingers into the individual strands, "What if no one likes it?"

Leni was horrified. Was this her doing? It must have been. She had forced herself into Helen's presence every day for nearly five years at this point. Was it her body, attitude, or interests that made Helen feel this way.

"You look totes cute," Leni replied, "and I'll make you a dress that will make you look even more...like, cute."

That had to be a compliment. Sure, the other stuff she said didn't sound so bitter, but that didn't matter. Besides, it may have been an even bigger insult than before. If a dress could make Helen look better, then was her body alone not enough? Maybe if her words were taken out of context, but that remained a possibility. It was her fault for everything. The least Leni could do was alert herself to how stupid she was.

"Really?" Helen asked, twirling another strand.

"Yeah!" Leni shot back. She transformed into one of those bobble heads that Linky used to have. Her neck strained itself, but such was the price to pay. Leni was willing to (forced to) do anything to right this wrong.

And yet, nothing was resolved. Helen continued to stare at Leni. Those eyes told her that she needed more, wood she could cling to in order to resolve her doubts.

"No one is gonna tease you," Leni continued, "they're gonna see you on stage and think that you're, like, cute and they're gonna clap. And then after that, they'll want to meet you and, like, they'll see how nice and caring you are," she then smiled herself, "doesn't that sound like...fun?"

Much of Helen's body, though, remained tense and uncertain. Those wavering eyes appeared to be in conflict. Something told her that she should show some pity to this parasite (while calling it "trust") while another part told her there was no point. Helen knew she was never a fan of the spotlight, yet Here was classic Leni trying to force her under the garish microscope of a hyper-judgmental audience. Every movement of her's would be analyzed, subject to the cruelest brand of scrutiny.

Helen took a shaky breath.

"Well...okay," Helen said slowly.

"I would never put you out there if I didn't think you would be great. You will be! You're my friend and I want to make you know just how special you really are."

That chipped away at the anxiety. Some of it, at least. Her shoulders lowered and let go of her hair, allowing those lonely strands to flourish with the rest of the coiffure.

"Okay," Helen said, "I'll do it."

Those were just the words she needed. In the moment, Leni was somehow able to convince herself that Helen really meant it. Helen was her friend, she told herself. Helen admired herself at least somewhat (Leni, of course, adored her). She couldn't help it. Even while sitting down, Leni lunged in for a hug.

* * *

Leni revved up the sewing machine. Today was gonna be another go around. But it was also one where Helen came over to hang out. As she hummed a tune from _Princess Pony_ and got all her materials from the desk, Helen silently sat on Lori's bed (hopefully, the absent big sister wouldn't mind).

"You don't have to do this for me. I'll wear whatever you give me," Helen said, watching the designer prepare.

"Helen," Leni said, turning to her, "as your friend, you deserve nothing less than the best. I wanna make the perfect dress that makes you look as fantastic as possible."

"Okay."

Leni laid out all the colors she had. There had to have been at least eleven out there. Unfortunately, a lot of them had the same vibrant shade despite being completely different colors. Regardless, she went about her work. Taking a small patch of each color, Leni got up and stood in front of Helen. One by one, she ran through each color, placing it side-by-side with her friend's body.

"Hmm..." Leni murmured to herself. First she tried orange. Nope. That blended too well with her skin and her hair needed a greater contrast.

Next there was red. Red was a strong, bold color. But after placing it side by side, Leni realized it didn't characterize her friend. Red was for people who showed their strength through passionate, outward gestures. Helen could be quite the hugger at times, but that wasn't what made her strong.

She channeled her strength through her gentle demeanor and overall serenity. Naturally, Leni pulled out the yellow next. After lining it up, Leni realized it was good as golden.

But was that it? Helen probably needed another color to go with that. Luckily, there was one compliment that immediately jumped out to the designer. Leni flopped through her pieces of fabric and pulled out the purple. Yes, she thought. Those two went together like peanut butter and sauerkraut (Linky would be proud).

Leni silently went back to her desk and got out the rest of the purple and yellow rolls from her desk. Now that she knew the colors, it was time to form the shape.

"So," Leni said eagerly as she snatched a pencil and paper, "what would you like on your dress?"

"I dunno," Helen said, shrugging.

Not the answer Leni was hoping for. Then again, she should have expected such ambivalence in the years she has known this perfect friend. No, not ambivalence. Fear. Poor Helen didn't feel empowered, the need to voice her desires. That was the key, Leni told herself.

"You can have anything you want," Leni expressed, wavingher arm across the width of of her body, "diamonds, sequins, streams of purple running along the shoulders. All you have to do is say it!"

Helen, though, remained unfazed. Clearly, Leni wasn't doing her job. Did she insult her, scare her into submission? Oh no, she thought. Leni knew this was a mistake. All she did was make things more uncomfortable for her friend. Helen didn't like being put on the spot like this. Leni had already asked too much by dragging her to the House.

"Don't be sad," Leni said, the enjoyment in her voice evaporating, "I just wanna make you happy. I want you to have a dress that's gonna make you and everyone else stand up and cheer. And then everyone will see how special you are."

Sure, it was repetitive. Leni sensed that same pitch creeping its way into those recycled words. But she meant it. She had a feeling that Helen would enjoy this, that the exposure would make her more confident and allow others to admire her. All these years, Helen had been extremely generous, always giving her time and patience towards a heap of garbage. Now, maybe it was time for the trash can to do something meaningful back.

"Okay," Helen said. She awkwardly shifted herself along the edge of the bed. Leni, meanwhile, anticipated this long-awaited response, "I like having purple and yellow. So...maybe some purple sleeves would be nice," she gestured towards her arms, "and the rest of the dress could be yellow."

Leni eagerly sketched the design on the paper. Her drawing wasn't as refined as her sewing, but Leni was able to form a coherent picture. She even included some cute bunches in the shoulder blades.

"Anything else?" Leni asked.

"Hmm," Helen said as she slowly brought her hand up. At first, Leni thought it was gonna reach the chin, which was something Lisa did when she was thinking. But as it turned out, Helen paused midway, leaving her hand etched in the open space.

"That should be enough," Helen said, "you can choose whether to add stuff or not."

"Okay!"

Leni didn't mind. The fact that she got the amount she did was too much. Her friend really was going all out in generosity. And since she already knew her friend's measurements, Leni could get straight to work.

She swiveled back to the machine and pulled out the yellow fabric. Leni stretches out the roll, approximating how much space it was filling up. It was then that she remembered her tape measure and scissors (both of which were still in the drawer).

"So, what's new?" Leni asked as she dig into that pesky drawer.

"Nothing much," she heard Helen say.

"Did you catch the new episode?"

"Yes."

Just what she needed. Leni got excited as she pulled out each of her tools. Recollections of the material came flooding back, providing her with all the fodder she needed.

"So," Leni said excitedly, "what did you think?"

"I liked it."

"Me too!"

Leni up the spread to the appropriate marker on her tape measure. With a stroke of confidence, she cut along the fabric, leaving behind a hefty piece apart from the roll. As the roll fell the ground, Leni laid out the giant piece she set aside, allowing it to cover the desk.

This was a lot of fabric, she thought. Leni grasped the edge of it and for once, she stopped to think. Was this enough? Even with her measuring tape, the designer was at a loss of words. A little help wouldn't have hurt, especially from the one who's gonna be wearing the dress.

Leni swiveled back over and faced Helen. The fabric hung over Leni's body like a bright yellow curtain.

"Is this enough yellow?" Leni asked, "will this fit you?"

"Um..." Helen said softly. Her voice fell before another word could escape. Leni had thought her ears turned off. Why couldn't she make out the next part?

And then it occurred to her that she had never bothered to do Helen's measurements. Leni was tempted to face palm from her own obliviousness. She had the pesky tape measure, notepad, and a pencil just sitting on her desk. It was a typical case for her.

Leni jumped to her feet, surprising Helen.

"Is it okay if I, like, use the tape measure on you?" Leni blurted out.

"Okay," was all she could hear.

Helen plopped herself off the bed. She straightened her back as much as her body would allow. For the moment, her hands decided to interact with each other. Fingers met and clashed against other fingers.

Leni, meanwhile, got to work. She still couldn't believe she forgot to do this earlier. Last year, when she had made that dress, she never even thought of giving Helen measurements before. Leni just assumed that the dress was the right size no matter who ended up wearing it. Sure, she didn't end up wearing it, but Leni knew that was just another excuse. She really was a fountain full of those.

First, Leni went to the waist. She wrapped the tape measure along Helen's shirt, using her fingers to carefully line it up. It took a little more time than she would have liked, but Leni did get a precise number. Pressing her thumb over it, she reached for her notepad and scribbled it down.

Helen didn't move at all during any of it. Was this just her way of being polite? Why would she be like that? Leni pondered the question. Well, it did make it easier for her to make the measurements (and perhaps Helen was granting her that). But she wasn't even talking. And with each passing second, Leni was starting to think that her hearing wasn't failing.

Then she made the connection. The fabric, the poorly worded question, the measurements.

"O! M! Gosh!" Leni exclaimed as she dropped everything. She couldn't help it, her hands slapped against her cheeks, trying to inflict the most bitter sting.

Before any sensation could register, Leni shot up and wrapped Helen in suffocating embrace. Her arms pulled, trying to emote as much remorse as her deficient self could.

"I'm sorry," Leni said. She wasn't allowed to rest her chin on Helen's shoulder. She had long since lost that privilege. It was very likely to make Helen feel even more insulted than she already had. Poor thing.

"What are you talking about?" Helen asked.

How kind of Helen. Even in the moment when she was more than right to be angry, she still assumed this "innocence", an excuse for Leni to weasel out of her own wrongdoing. Leni knew that was wrong. She wasn't gonna pretend nothing happened.

"I made you feel fat," she replied, tightening the hug, "I'm sorry! You're perfect just the way you are. You're beautiful and I never ever want you to feel awful about yourself. I'm sorry!"

"It's okay," Helen said softly.

"No it's not!"

Leni squeezed even tighter. She wanted to make the message clear, that this was unacceptable, unforgivable. The voice needed to come out in some way, to tell Helen how precious she was. She would have kept squeezing had she not felt a tap on her shoulder. It must have been Helen. Naturally, the shudder on the shoulder caused her to reel back and survey the damage.

No tears. No blushing. Those were vital signs. But aside from those, nothing else looked assuring. Helen's eyes carried an intense weight over them. Just like that, Leni's fledgling spirits deflated. The hug wasn't tight enough.

"Leni," Helen said, her voice still precarious, "It's alright. I'm fine."

"But...what about..."

"You didn't mean to say that," Helen responded, taking her hand off Leni's shoulder, "you just want to make me look good."

Leni was tempted to jump in. She knew it was just another excuse. Excuses never made anything better, especially not in her case. Instead, the words were slow to come to her mouth. She stared at Helen's face. Deep down, did Helen even still like her? Was their relationship one among equals or was Helen merely tolerating her?

"I'm sorry," Leni repeated, her head lowering.

"It's alright."

There it was again. At this point, she was really testing Helen's patience. Any moment now, the peaceful girl would drop all pretenses and explode on her, labeling her in all the right ways. Helen would storm out and her family would wonder what happened. And then they would say "typical Leni". Of course, none of that has happened and there was still a selfish hope that Leni could save herself.

Leni shuddered as she took a shaky breath.

"You don't have to be my friend anymore," she said sadly. Leni's neck threatened to crumble under the immense weight, "you deserve much better."

Her tight lips pressed against each other. This was what she was supposed to say, to give Helen a chance to find someone that she would actually enjoy. Of course, Leni adored Helen. They liked a lot of the same things and she made going to schooo fun. Who cares how Leni felt herself? All that mattered was that Helen was happy.

"Leni, it's okay," she heard Helen say. Leni couldn't bring herself to look at her, "I really am fine. I like hanging out with you and you're the best friend I can ask for."

Oh no. For the longest time, Leni didn't want to believe it. She wanted to pretend that it was nothing more than a delusion, something her twisted mind would cook up in her nightmares. But it had come true.

Leni's eyes widened in the purest form of horror, making her glad Helen couldn't see.

Helen, the kindest girl she knew, had been tricked. All these years of foolish antics mixed with the eternal prison of civility had finally molded Helen into a zombie. The poor thing was so battered down from this nonsense that she now thought that this was the best she could get. And all because of Leni's dishonesty.

Leni couldn't bear to look at herself (making her glad the carpet didn't have a mirror). The shame was bitter and painful. But she refused to cry. Crying only made problems worse. In fact, Leni was breaking the rules by being stuck in this paralysis.

"Leni," she heard Helen say. Her pupils shrunk. She realized that's even now, she was already taking too long, "Are you o-"

"Back to work!" Leni exclaimed. Her back shot up and she raced to the sewing machine. Aside from the fabric, all the materials were strewn on the ground, but Leni didn't mind.

Leni planted her foot on the pedal and got to work. Jamming the yellow fabric under the presser, she proceeded forward, blotting out the obnoxious ruckus the machine produced.

 _"Dress. You gotta make the dress. Don't stop now. You've already wasted enough time."_

She finished the first corner in record time. Leni had every intention to turn to the next side with lightning fast reflexes. Silly of her to think that, though. Her butter-like hands fumbled the fabric, crumpling the corner in her pathetic effort to turn the mass. Well, she was getting worse now. Fantastic. First she lost her friend, and now the only thing that made her even remotely valuable. Nothing a little polish can fix. It'll just have to stay there, like a mud stain.

Now, the machine was lagging. To play catch-up, Leni dragged the fabric across the plate, but the presser was holding her back. Darn thing. She should have known better.

Maybe it was just time to move on to the purple. Yeah, that was likely gonna be the time-consuming part.

"So how is everything?" Leni asked as she scrambled to unravel the purple fabric.

"Umm...fine," she heard.

"Great!"

Was that gonna be the extent of their interaction? This was Helen. There was no way she deserved to sit in boredom while watching Leni throw together a sloppy dress. But what? What could the two talk about while she "worked"? Her mind slowly produced fragments of topics concerning them. High school seniors, soon to be adults, on to other things (in theory).

"How's college?" Leni asked as she realized the scissors were still on the floor. Now was her chance to once again assess the situation.

Her eyes fell first on all her supplies on the floor. She remembered that she had never finished Helen's measurements, but that was alright. Helen didn't need to endure more pain than she already has.

"It's good," Helen said.

And then, Leni's eyes inevitably wandered up. There was a spark in her (however pathetic it was) that she would see a happy face. Please, Leni told herself. She was really trying to fix this situation. All she wanted was for Helen to be free of pain, to be in her naturally peaceful self. If she got that, then nothing else mattered. And she meant it.

But alas, there was no smile on that adorably chubby face. All Leni saw were those eyes. They eerily reminded her of when Lori was going off to school, as if her big sister reached out and told her everything. Perhaps it was because of the bed Helen was sitting on. It was weird, but it was no less effective seeing it from her "friend". What did this signify? Maybe Helen was finally learning to express herself without fear of retribution (which never would have come from Leni).

"What about you?" Helen asked.

"Well...good," Leni said softly.

Well thankfully, there's college. Leni knew that Helen wasn't applying to any of the schools that she was (none of them had fashion design programs). Leni was forced to admit to herself that Helen never really liked her. Who could? Today was a clear indication that even with Helen, she was nothing more than an obligation. Why else would she have to come to her House? Why else would she not look offended at a clear cut insult? Why else would she stay even after all of this?

Leni's head sank again. It was time for her to shut up and go back to work. She had a lot of catching up to do.

* * *

All Leni could hope now was that she didn't lose her friend. For once, Leni was nervous to arrive at school, part from her sisters, and face that lonely hallway. What if Helen wasn't there? What if she just wanted to be left alone?

Once inside, Leni's step slowed until she was practically shuffling down the hall.

This was ridiculous, she told herself. Helen was her friend. It wasn't like she ever got mad or anything. Leni shivered as she saw the image of Helen crying. She prayed that she would never have to see that. Helen was too cute to be sad. Still, Leni felt a snag pull at her hair, preventing her from moving forward.

Something told her that this was just a delusion, a selfish desire to prop up her hopes. And for what? So that she could go around hurting Helen some more?

Maybe the girl needed some space. Leni halted entirely as the thought entered her head.

On one hand, Helen was probably mad at her and wanted a little time to herself. But on the other hand, Leni knew she didn't want to be feeling these obligatory notions. She knew it was good for her to feel so terrible, however there was only so much she could take. Perhaps Leni could take her mind off the matter.

And with that, Leni turned around and paced in the opposite direction. All she needed was one lap around the school to cool off, to clear her mind of this bitterness. That way, there was a chance that her meeting with Helen would at least be an improvement.

As Leni made her way up the first hallway, she inevitably passed pockets of classmates socializing against the lockers, on the ground, or wherever else they could congregate. Some of them were as dependent on their coffee as her sisters while others were full of life, chuckling at every one-liner hurled towards them.

It sure was great to be someone with friends, she thought. Along with her persistent strides up the corridors, Leni's mind was racing along its own monologue.

Friends were nice, caring, and talented. They gave things to each other, laughed, and wanted to be around each other (not just one party, but both of them).

Towards the end of the Hall, Leni spotted a fellow classmate approaching from the other direction. It was a narrow space, meaning that only one person could pass through at a time. Leni, naturally, continued plowing ahead like an old monster truck. The other person seemed content to move at her own pace.

What she didn't anticipate, however, was the fact that they arrived at the bottleneck at the same moment. There they were, face to face. The other girl stared blankly at her trying to maneuver her way around. Leni couldn't help but shift her body in the same direction, thus preventing either person from making much progress. It was only the girl's quick reflexes that allowed her to work her way around.

"Sorry about that," the girl said as she passed by.

Before Leni could reply, the girl had already moved on. Leni was left standing in the bottleneck alone, thinking about all the ways that scene could have played out differently. They could have seamlessly passed by each other (like how most such situations are). Leni could have slowed down, yielding the girl the right of way. At the very least, Leni could have said "hi". Who knows what she was going through? That girl may have just had the worst piece of news dumped on her plate (her boyfriend broke up or she was preparing for a super hard test). And then there was Leni barging her way into her business like an uncivilized bore.

Nonetheless, Leni continued her walk with these "What if's" in mind.

The rest of her trip was her reflecting on that one episode, repeating the alternatives like an old VCR tape.

It was that same four attitude that brought her to where she started. She had wasted a solid ten minutes just walking around, being unproductive as usual. Leni glances down that familiar hallway.

She sighed.

Leni knew she was gonna have to face it at some point. She couldn't just keep dancing around it. She needed to let Helen know exactly how she felt. That way, when Helen decided to not be her friend anymore, she could at least know just how bad she had it. Leni bit her lips and proceeded down.

Sure enough, Helen was in her usual spot, on the floor pressed up against the wall.

"Hi," Leni said softly.

Helen looked up. Surprisingly, she looked normal. Those eyes appeared relieved, as if they managed to suppress her true feelings.

"Good morning," Helen answered. Leni shuddered from how warm it sounded. To her, it was like nothing happened.

And yet, despite her own discomfort, Leni was relieved to see Helen like this. Even if she was convinced she never really liked her, Leni always enjoyed her presence. She really was a sweetie pie. And for the moment, as long as she was there, she wanted it to stay that way.

Leni propped up a smile as she sat down. Perhaps for once they could talk about something completely detached from the Fashion Show (or anything else they brought up on that turbulent exchange). Luckily, Leni knew Helen well enough to quickly get her going.

"So, has Bailey given you new stuff yet?"

Mrs. Bailey was Helen's fantastic English teacher. Leni didn't have her, but her friend loved to talk about the stuff happening in her class. Not only did they read exciting novels (such as _The Great Gatsby_ and _Of Mice And Men_ ), but Bailey had such a unique approach. Helen described it as a mixture of treasure hunter through the jungle and a kind, gentle mentor sitting with you in the park. Leni was pretty bummed out that she didn't get to go on field trips, but she was happy for her friend, that she could connect so well to another person.

"Yup," Helen said, "she wants us to make journals."

"Really?"

"She said that there have to be ten entries, about 250 words each," Helen explained, "they can be about anything that happened in our lives."

Leni's eyes widened.

"Anything?"

"Yes," Helen answered with a smile. She then hoisted her backpack on her lap, opening it with a harmonious zip. Helen dug through the pink pack while Leni waited, slightly on edge. Even her defective mind was starting to make terribly selfish assumptions, "Here it is!"

Helen handed Leni a piece of paper. On it was all the information Helen had given her on the project (plus some additional details). Leni never doubted her friend's honesty on these matters. Did something she say imply she had doubt about it?

"This is wonderful," Leni said, still smiling, "it sounds like totes fun."

"It does," Helen replied.

Was this gonna be it? Leni was aware that there were times where Helen gave excruciatingly brief answers. She had long since accepted that was who Helen is and never blamed her for it (the two of them were somewhat similar in that department). But now Leni was scratching for more information. Some of it was out of obligatory concern, some was a desperate effort to satisfy her toxic ego (couldn't she just be humble for once?)

"So," Leni said. She lingered on that syllable for several seconds, trying to give herself the words and confidence to follow through on this.

"Yes?" Helen asked.

She contemplated the question. It didn't matter how she worded it: she knew it was gonna be stupid. Helen might have scoffed or something, asking her why she would bother to know. It was like Leni was a crook, trying to claw her way into every part of this poor girl's life. But they already got the ball rolling. The silence was quickly mounting up, disrupting the flow with each quiet second. Leni knew she had no choice now.

"What were you, like, planning to write about" she asked.

Leni twiddled her thumbs as she awaited an answer. She already regretted asking the question, knowing how silly it sounded. Didn't she trust her friend to make a decent set of journal from her own experiences? If this was any indication, Leni didn't have confidence in Helen. It was the worst disposition to have. Helen was a sweet, kind, gentle soul, but also competent and creative. Leni should have known that her friend had it in her to craft something wonderful.

"Well I was thinking of making several entries," Helen answered. Miraculously, her voice was devoid of contempt (she really was too kind for her own good), "I was gonna make one about my parents, one on Mrs. Bailey, one about my love for English," she then turned and smiled at Leni, "and I was also gonna do one on you."

Her pupils shrunk until they were tiny dots.

"On me?" Leni asked, both shocked and unsurprised simultaneously.

"Of course," Helen said warmly, "You're my best friend. You made me open up, be more confident, and feel like I matter. If I didn't include you, then the journal would be missing something very important."

"Oh," was all Leni could say.

Not quite the answer she hoped for. Leni had hoped her "friend" would have finally moved on from this, that she could finally be happy.

But all she did was trap her even further. The happy demeanor, those gentle eyes. They were no more than a cage, one borne of pity.

As she held up her smile, Leni forced herself to continue. No need to make things worse for poor Helen's strained serenity.


	49. Orange Scarf

Cotton. White, fluffy, and squishy. It was common enough in clothes, but Leni knew she had to include it in this special project. On one hand, it was like the snowflakes gently falling from the sky. But it was also a clear representation of her one brother: Linky. Tomorrow was his twelfth birthday and Leni knew she needed to go all out for him. Not only was twelve a big number, but this was potentially the last birthday she would be around for.

Between school and preparing for the Spring Show, Leni's schedule was pretty packed. Her bedroom had practically turned into its own factory, producing one article of clothing after another until she lost track of who the recipient was. But this was one project she knew had to be done for tomorrow specifically. This, along with Helen's dress, was the project of the year for her.

And there, at around ten at night with the desk lamp serving as the only source of light, Leni had completed it. Turning off the sewing machine, Leni pulled it out and examined it. A long, orange, cotton scarf just for Linky.

It was gonna be winter for quite a while, so what better gift to give than something to fight the cold. Leni had designed it to be comfy, toasty, and stylish all at the same time. Such a balance was incredibly difficult to assemble, especially on a tight budget. This project required more brainpower and creative juice than any elaborate dress or outfit Leni had designed before.

In the end, that may have been the point. The care and effort was packed into every stitch, leaving behind a fantastic sheen that other products lacked. And the cotton? Well, she didn't know much about this brand, but Leni knew two things. It was more "high-quality" and it contained the perfect shade of orange. Sure she had to save up her allowance for two months, but it was worth it. Every last piece of it was worth it.

"Snow day!" She heard someone shout from the hallway (from the sound of it, she assumed it was Lynn).

Leni glanced out the window. Thousands of white pellets pounded the House and everything around it. They swarmed in every conceivable direction, as if the sucky thingy had been put on backwards. No wonder they were saying that. At this rate, the snow was gonna be up to her waist by the morning.

Well, at least everyone will be home for Linky's special day. She could give her gift nice and early and they could all spend the day together hanging out. Just imagining that was simply marvelous.

Now, with the concern of school out of the way (and of sewing), Leni switched off the lamp, blackening out most of the room. The sole source of light came from the window. Grabbing the scarf, Leni took a seat on Lori's bed (she hoped she wouldn't mind).

Lights from the neighboring houses illuminated the vicinity, allowing Leni to watch the snow fall. Those flakes weren't roaring; they were dancing. Now that she had a better view, Leni saw each of them move with a natural elegance that only this time of year could bring. What a perfect time for Linky to have arrived, with the snow on the ground and everyone together under a toasty roof. The only thing missing was a delicious mug of hot chocolate.

Nonetheless, Leni was content. She ran her gentle hand along the soft scarf as she continued gazing at twinkling cotton balls bounce their way to their family.

* * *

Winter tended to make everything toasty, even the blankets. Leni awoke within the cocoon, feeling her body sink into this tactile euphoria. If today were any other day, she might well have stayed in bed, feeling no benefit from leaving the tight warmth.

But today wasn't just another day. It was Linky's birthday, and that was the only cue she needed. Leni ripped her blankets off and bounced into the soft carpet. Of course, she loved all of her siblings and their birthdays were all days to celebrate. Today just happened to be Linky's special day, so it had to be all about them. Everyone else recognized it, so she had no excuse to forget.

Peeking out the window was only further relief of the snow day. The ground was flooded with fresh white snow and massive pellets pelted the surroundings. No plow trucks were in sight, but even if they did run past the street, their work would have been quickly wiped out with the heavy downfall. Getting to school, work, or anywhere else was a task not worth attempting.

But today wasn't about what was outside. Today was a Loud House celebration and no inclement weather was gonna get its chilly, slushy way. With a hop in her step, Leni snatched the orange scarf and paced down the hall. With each step, her smile grew wider and wider. He was gonna love it, she told herself. It was just the right color, texture, length, width, and however else one could judge a scarf.

Leni pounded on his bedroom door. The motion became rhythmic, with one harmonious bear after another. But with each successive knock, she slowly realized that it wasn't opening. Maybe he just couldn't hear her. Leni told herself that if she kept knocking, then eventually Linky would emerge. Instead, she was left to the pointless task.

"Hey sis."

Leni turned around and saw Luna standing in the hall.

"Lincoln's already up," Luna explained, "he's downstairs if you wanna see him."

"Thanks Luna," Leni said cheerfully.

She paced down the stairs while the scarf flew against the wind like a flag. Before she knew it, she was in the foyer. For her, it must have been a personal record. Usually, she walked or stumbled down the stairs, but she deliberately rolled the steps one right after another. Indeed, she saw all the familiar sights: the front door, the lonely pairs of shoes propped up against the wall, the keys to Vanzilla resting on one of the rings of the coat rack. Yup, she was downstairs.

Leni looped alongside the wall, leading her into the kitchen. Lincoln was sitting with several of his younger sisters at the table while Mom and Dad were busy with the various appliances. He was enjoying a delicious stack of pancakes, which was simply fantastic. She hoped to make it even better.

"Happy Birthday!" Leni exclaimed.

Lincoln gazed up from his delicious meal. He was clearly in the middle of chewing down a morsel, yet his puffy cheeks appeared elated. Not to mention, his firms lips were curled upwards.

"Thanks Leni," he said, the words garbled from the food.

Good. He was happy, she thought. No, nothing was gonna ruin this day. In fact, if she started working now, it would go down as great.

First, she needed a seat. Her five younger sisters took up all the chairs in the kitchen table. Of course, she could just take one from the dining room, but that would have taken a while. Plus, the six were pretty bunched up against each other (to sit would have required a tight squeeze. So, she decided to stand. Standing was good, after all.

"So," Leni said excitedly, leaning in towards Linky, "how do you feel?"

"Pretty good. Thanks for asking," he answered kindly.

"Great! Because I have something for you!"

Leni whipped the cotton scarf forward, its tail landing in the middle of the table.

"Ta da!" Leni said, flourishing her hand.

She stared at her own work. Now that it was presented under a full light, Leni was able to relax. The scarf still looked good with its vibrant color and neat stitching. It was nice knowing there was still a little something left in that brain of her's.

"Thanks Leni," she heard her brother say. A small hand reached forward and grasped the scarf's soft surface. Her own grip felt the downward tug, much like a director yanking at a stage curtain. Understanding the cue, Leni clasped her hand open, allowing the rest of the article to fall on the table. By now, Linky's hand was enveloped by the material. Was it warm, she asked herself.

Before she could think of an answer, Linky lifted the whole mass and wrapped it around his neck. Leni wasn't prepared for the sight. The orange tails hung off his shoulders while the midsection snugged comfortably around his neck. She wished she had her phone on her, lamenting the fact that it was still in her room. He was so precious that she wanted to hug him like a stuffed animal.

Leni watched as her brother finished his breakfast. Much of the chatter was amongst her younger siblings, cracking jokes at each other while asking about the snow day.

"Sorry kids," Lynn Sr said upon hearing one of Lana's inquiries, "the snow is coming down really hard. It's not safe to go outside and play."

"Aww man," Lana whined.

"That's okay," Lincoln replied, "there's plenty of stuff to do in here. Wanna watch TV?"

Lana's face immediately brightened up.

"You read my mind, big bro."

Leni watched as the brother and sister cleared away their plates and headed into the living room. She then turned to the remaining younger sisters. Each of them were still eating their breakfast.

"Wanna sit down, honey?"

She turned and saw Mom right behind here with an affectionate smile accompanying the mixing bowl in her hand.

Obliging, Leni took the same seat Linky occupied. It was still warm. She looked around, watching the others devour their delicious pancake breakfast. Without a plate of her own, Leni plopped her hands on the table. She tapped her left hand against the surface. Then her right. The sounds they made were heavy, full, and beat-like. Next, she tried her fingers. Leni tapped all the fingers on her left hand in rapid succession. The sounds pelleted rapid-fire. It wasn't as noisy, but that also meant not as disruptive. Plus, it was kinda fun.

Leni kept running her fingers through this successive movement. She occasionally earned some glances from her sisters, but no one spoke up. Leni saw that as a ticket to continue. The rhymtic motion was entertaining and soothing. It felt right.

But then it hit her. Her little sisters were people too. They at least deserved some attention, even if they weren't talking.

"What's new everyone?" Leni asked.

All of them were still chewing. That's okay. Leni was always willing to wait for others, even if they could barely keep their composure waiting for her. Luckily for her, it wasn't too long before they downed their delicious delicacy.

"Penelope switched to a new conditioner and I'm mad," Lola said bitterly, "she thinks she can make her hair brighter and more sparkly than mine! Well," she banged her fist on the table while flashing her open palm through her gorgeous blonde locks, "we'll just see about that."

"Mother and Father have declined my request to visit the lab today on account of the inclement weather," Lisa said. The little girl sighed, "It's occasions like these where I wished they allowed me to store equipment in my bedroom."

"Haiku was gonna come over to help me get in contact with her grandmother," Lucy said gravely, "But I guess Mother Nature had other plans. Sigh."

"Poo Poo," Lily said as she stuffed her face with baby food.

"Oh," Leni said.

Was that gonna be it, the final word before the group fell back into silence. She was the "oldest" for crying out loud, Leni knew she needed to think of something to say. But what? Words were something she always struggled with and even now, the skill didn't come any easier. Luckily, she remembered that she was sitting in a very particular seat.

"Look on the bright side," Leni chirped, raising her hands to make it seem like she was confident, "Now we can all be together on Linky's birthday!"

"Okay," Lola said.

Now was it. Each of her younger sisters finished eating and cleared out one at a time. Leni, though, remained seated, quietly watching each of them file out. Weren't they happy to be around her? Or maybe they wanted to spend their time with the birthday boy. Indeed, Leni watched each one walk into the living room, where she knew Linky and Lana were. Yeah, she told herself. They were there to do something special.

That was good, she thought to herself.

"Here you go, sweetie," Mom said as she lowered a plate of pancakes in front of Leni.

"Thanks Mom," Leni replied warmly.

She picked up the accompanying fork and dug in. The stack had already been sliced into small square pieces. Leni did appreciate the convenience, given how she was able to slide a safe amount of food straight into her mouth. At this point, she already accepted that her parents would do this for her. After all, how could anyone trust her with a knife?

No matter, Leni didn't want her stupid mind to ruin this. Today wasn't supposed to be about her anyway.

She gobbled up the yummy pancakes and handed the empty plate back to her Mom. By this point, Dad had slipped out of the kitchen.

"Thanks, honey," Rita said, taking it.

Leni got up from the chair and watched her Mom slide the tainted plate into the sink. It was from that sad, lonely sight that she got an idea.

"Say Mom," Leni said.

"Yes?"

Now she had her ear. It was too late to back out of this now. Sure she was quick to act upon this impulse, but thus far, Leni hadn't told herself she was wrong. Besides, it was all for the good.

"I can do the dishes if you want," Leni said. Her lips curled into a grip. As her voice lifted, she found it remarkable how it also sounded more confident, "everyone else is in there with Linky and I want you to spend some time with him."

"Are you sure, honey? There's a lot of dishes here?"

The smile boldened. That was exactly the reason Mom should step aside. The poor woman had been through so much this morning from making three pancakes to cutting them up for her.

"I got it, Mom," Leni said. Just to hammer in the point, she approached the sink and stopped right beside Mom. She spotted a sponge pressed up against a wall. Perfect. Leni grasped the moist, prickly sponge along with the plate she had used and scrubbed it. As she rubbed, the maple syrup got smeared across the entire plate's area. Realizing this, she flipped on the faucet and ran the plate under her water. Like magic, the syrup fell off the porcelain down the drain.

Leni turned to her Mom as she gave the plate another scrubbing. She couldn't tel if she were happy, appreciative, or disappointed. Regardless, Leni recognizes she was gonna have to work a lot harder to get al this done.

"Well, okay honey," Mom said. She grabbed a plate and headed to the dishwasher. Mom pulled down the door, revealing the special compartment, "If you can, put them all in here. I can go back later and put in the detergent."

"I can do that too!"

Leni lowered her head, focusing on the cabinets beneath the sink. She hunched down and opened one of them. Where was that pesky detergent? What did it even look like? All this time, somebody else's had been put in charge of it. Leni gazed up and down, left to right, front and back, but all she noticed were various containers that bore little significance to her. Where was it?

"Here, honey," she heard her Mom say. The older woman hunched down beside Leni. Within seconds, she yanked out a bowl-shaped container.

Leni silently got back up and watched Mom take out a small, compact pod and place it in a small slot attached to the machine's door. She couldn't believe it. If it were that easy, Leni could have easily done it. Now, she was wasting Mom's time.

"Thanks Mom," Leni said, trying to play along.

"No problem," Rita said, smiling. Giving the dishwasher one last glance, Mom turned her body and headed out, "let me know if you have any questions."

"Okay!"

And then she was alone. Her Mom gave her the world in that moment, the world of the kitchen. All she had to do was her job.

Leni took another plate and scrubbed it. Once again, syrup and crumbs got smeared on the porcelain, refusing to come off. How did Mom make it all so nice and clean? She stared at the plate, wondering how. Leni knew there was a way. Perhaps some more scrubbing?

She proceeded to do that. Leni rubbed really hard, gritting her teeth at the scratching sound it produced. No matter Mom was so worn out. This was hard.

Before she could continue her woes, Leni's eyes rolled over to the dishwasher (which already had detergent inside). And just like that, she remembered what her Mom said. The dishwasher made cleaning dishes as slice of cake (it even cleaned the cake once you were done). No need for sponges after all.

Smiling at her clever observation, Leni dumped all the plates and utensils into the dishwasher. Jamming them all in there was a bit of a hurdle, given how some of the plates and bowls were very different shapes and sizes. But Leni wasn't gonna be deterred by that. If Mom could do it, then so could a lazy bum like her. Eventually, it all worked out and she gleefully slapped (or pushed) the door shut.

Wiping her hands at a job well done, Leni felt content. Maybe she wasn't so worthless after all. Or at least for the moment.

But just when she thought another idea wouldn't pop up, her eyes caught sight of a possibility. Leni thought about the scarf she made for her Linky. Sure it was something, but while she was wasting time in the kitchen, everyone was in there giving him the love he deserved.

Oh yes, that was most certainly chatter. And giggling too. All her sisters were actually spending time with her brother. And any moment now, they would roll out their gifts. Leni could already see it. Luna was gonna bust out a special birthday jam (which didn't need pancakes or taste to be good). Lynn probably got him a super cool boy gift that he would love. Before she knew it, Leni was overwhelmed with gifts and serenades. By the end, her dumb scarf was gonna be forgotten, pale from the sheer fanfare and jubilance of everyone else.

Leni, of course, loved all her sisters. If they were gonna go all out just for Linky, then they should. The important thing was that her brother was happy by the end. But their love wasn't gonna stop just because Leni came out and boasted her pathetic little gift. No, this wasn't jealously. Leni just needed to improve her own efforts.

And how?

Well, Mom and Dad already went ahead and baked a cake (which now safely rested in the fridge). Maybe she could impress her special little guy with her own delicacy. After all, she had the whole kitchen to herself. And after cake, the next best thing Leni thought of was cupcakes.

Her mouth watered just thinking of those yummy little treats. But they weren't for her. Oh no. Linky was gonna have some and so were all her family members. And it made perfect sense for a birthday. It even had "cake" in its name!

With her mind set, Leni got to work. The first thing she needed was a recipe. And she knew just where to find it. She went to one of the smaller cabinets, thinking it was the right one. Miraculously, it was. Leni gleefully pulled out a thick, hard-cover book and plopped it on the counter. Flipping through the book, she encountered all sorts of food. Turkey, "risotto", and even some foods that Dad taught her to make (like salmon). As she discovered, however, the desserts weren't until the last section of the book. Maybe fitting for a chef throwing a party, but not necessarily for her.

But at last, she found it. A "simple" recipe for cupcakes. Leni knew she wasn't smart or talented, but if she followed the directions, she could at least do some right.

 _"Preheat the oven to 370 degrees Fahrenheit."_

 _"Preheat?"_ Leni wondered. But the cupcakes weren't ready yet. That was odd to put that step right at the beginning. Convinced of this, Leni went to the next step.

 _"Take 1/2 cup of soft butter and 3/4 cup of sugar and place them in bowl. Cream them until the mixture is light and fluffy. Beat eggs one at a time."_

Well, it wasn't as she envisioned, but it at least sounded like a first step. Leni sucked under the sink and pulled out a big bowl, the same type she saw Mom and Dad use when making food. As she placed it on the counter, she went to the fridge and observed the contents. Sure enough, there was half a stick of butter left plus plenty of eggs. Leni gleefully grabbed the remaining portions while snagging one egg from the carton.

It was a shame they didn't have more. She was dealing with a pretty big cup (how could anyone fill it up halfway. And then an idea struck her. Leni took the butter and squished it at the bottom. After all, it was supposed to be "soft" and there was nothing soft about a stick that's been stuck in the refrigerator. Using her hands, she smeared butter all along the bottom of the bowl before clawing her fingers to pull parts of it up like Playdoh. Leni molded the butter along the rim, using the markers on the bowl to help her. Once she reached a red mark that seemed like halfway, she stopped and threw back her sticky hands. So that's how it was done, she figured. Well it must have been right, because otherwise, how would the egg and sugar fit inside?

She ran her hands under the faucet before seeking out the sugar. Luckily, she knew where that was too: perched in one of the upper cabinets. She had to get on her platforms to reach it, but no matter. Unlike the butter; there was a giant tub of sweet white sugar remaining. This was more than enough, she thought.

Leni tilted the lid of the jar and allowed the sugar to flow in. 3/4 was more than 1/2, so she knew to go past that's marker. Indeed, she did. By the time she finished, most of the bowl was filled with sugar. Leni realized it was a lot, but it made sense why there would be so much. Cupcakes taste sweet.

And then there was Mr. Egg. All alone there. Leni hated to see him face such a monstrous demise. But this was for the good, she told herself. This was gonna make Linky happy, and she couldn't say no to him.

Closing her eyes, she rammed the egg through the sea of sugar into the bottom of the bowl. She felt goo on her hands. It was over now. Mr. Egg was in a better place.

Leni took several deep breaths as she pulled out her sugar-egg lacked palm. It was for the good, she told herself. As she washed her hand off again, she read the next step.

 _"Add 2 cups of flour. Mix with 1/2 teaspoon of salt and 2 teaspoons of baking powder."_

Leni raised an eyebrow. Flour? These were cupcakes, not a garden. Besides, all the ones in the garden were squished under the snow. Maybe cupcakes are made different in the winter. Salt? Cupcakes were supposed to be sweet, not bitter. Salt was the yuckiest thing someone could ever put in something as tasty as gooey, warm desserts. And teaspoons? That wasn't gonna be big enough to stir all this.

There was only one thing in the recipe that made sense. Soda! Not only was soda good on its own, but baking soda must have made it super duper yummy. Leni licked her lips as she searched for the baking soda. It had to be around there somewhere. She had seen Dad use it before and it was in a yellow box.

Eventually, she stumbled upon it in a lonely corner of the lower cabinet. The box looked so sad and lonely. No matter, it was about to be in the bestest, tastiest set of cupcakes ever. Leni yanked it out and dumped an unobserved quantity of the stuff into the mix.

Now that she had all her ingredients, it was time to turn it into yummy batter. At this point, Leni shut the book. She knew what to do.

She scanner around and pulled out a long wooden spoon and a metal cupcake tray. As she slapped the latter on the counter next to the lying box of baking soda (it deserved to be out in the open so it could be happy) and jammed to former into the bowl. By now, the big bowl was mostly filled with soft-ish stuff. Leni smiled as she started stirring it.

It was a tough grind. Leni pushed and pushed and pushed, but it was like driving the instrument through a sand box. She told herself she had to do this somehow. Poor Mom and Dad now looked even better. They had arms of steel.

Miraculously, the mixture gradually smoothed out. When applying the same amount of effort, Leni found herself spinning the spoon faster and faster. Not only that, but the colors were coming together into a "rich" dark tan. These were gonna be strong vanilla cupcakes, she told herself. And as the batter became more and more like liquid, she felt her smile grow wider and wider.

At last, the hard part was over. Leni took the spoon out of the massive bowl (which by now was up to the brim with batter), which dripped with some of the substance. That color was so rich, her mouth watered. There was nothing wrong with one little taste. Right?

No, Leni told herself. These were for Linky and his perfect family members. She wasn't allowed to have any. One taste was all it took the taint the whole product. It wouldn't be special anymore.

As she dumped the spoon in the sink, Leni proceeded to pour the batter into the tray. Twelve tiny holes, just enough for every recipient. Perfect. It was a shame that her careless hand caused some of the batter to drip on the ridges between the openings. Even after filling each of them, there was an excess. Some of it dripped over the edge while several splotches were on the wrong part within the tray. Thankfully, though, most of it remained in the bowl.

Extra, she thought. Her sweetheart nearly got the better of her. This tray she had would only be one round. And given how much batter she had left over, there were inevitably gonna be more than twelve (or how ever much they were all willing to eat). But Leni shot down the thought. No way. If she was gonna waste that much ingredients to make cupcakes, then she deserved to pay the price.

The trial of time began now. Leni popped the oven door open and slid in the tray. As she gently closed it, Leni utilized her memories of Dad in the kitchen to figure out how to turn it on. It was as easy as switching a notch. Sure enough, a right turn was all that was needed to flip the oven's interior light on. Now, she was in business.

Leni sighed in relief. Soon, everything would be both toasty and yummy. The sweet temptations once again reared their ugly head. Leni gazed at the oven. That had to be the culprit. Its hard, metal nature didn't care what happened. If it wanted to tell Leni to gobble all the cupcakes herself, it was gonna have a pretty seductive argument.

She had to get away, Leni told herself. It was the only way to keep the cupcakes safe.

Without a moment's hesitation, Leni raced out into the living room, where was greeted by a different temptation. This one was far more pleasant to deal with. Her ten siblings and two parents were all huddled around the couch engaged in light conversation. Leni was allowed to participate in this. She thought.

"Hey Leni," Linky exclaimed. The precious thing was on the couch. As he swung around to reveal his beaming face, the two tails of the orange scarf flung to his shoulders. Leni prayed that someone already took a picture (or eleven). "Gorg" didn't begin to describe. Neither did "totes cute". In fact, there wasn't a single word Leni's limited vocabulary could produce that did justice to this moment.

"Hi Linky!" Leni exclaimed, waving her hand.

"You're just in time for Luna's performance," he said as she got closer. It was then that she noticed the acoustic guitar strapped around her younger sister's back.

The question, though, was where to sit. All the spots on the couch were taken and the younger sisters huddled on the ground, using the couch to support their backs. But there was no one behind the couch. Perfect. She could just stand and watch Luna. That way, everyone could see and appreciate their sister.

As she approached that wall-like structure, Luna took center "stage". She strummed out a few chords and twisted those metal thingies at the edge. As if by magic, the pitch changed even though Luna was hitting the same strings.

 _"Every day we all get together_

 _When outside it's as cold as ice._

 _But here inside its warm as a pie_

 _Its all in you and we want a slice."_

Luna gleefully jammed out several bars of groovy chords before continuing.

 _"It's your birthday Lincoln!_

 _Heres a special time to our only brother._

 _It's your birthday Lincoln!_

 _This is a special time 'cuz we love each other."_

The song continued for several more verses, interspliced with a repetition of that jamming chorus. Leni, of course, was enthralled by it. It was when she heard it when her own ears where she remembered just how good Luna was as a musician. In fact, she bet that she would be even better than Mick Swagger.

"Thank you," Luna said as she took a cheerful bow.

The room exploded with applause. Leni's smile was so wide, she couldn't keep her lower jaw. For once, she didn't care what others thought about her dental hygiene. Luna had delivered a perfect gift for a perfect boy. In fact, Linky got up to embrace her sister despite the strapped on guitar getting in the way.

"Alright," a lispy voice rang out, "Now, Funny Business Presents: Birthday Blast!"

Luan jumped to center "stage" with that trademark beaver grin. Just priceless, Leni thought.

"Well, looks like you be stuck with me for the next few minutes. There's _snow_ way out of this one!"

Leni, of course, chuckled at the pun, but to her glee, everyone else was laughing to. Maybe they were starting to see just how talented Luan really was.

"Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?" Luan quipped "The lettuce was a _head_ but the tomato was trying to _ketchup_."

The room exploded in easygoing laughter. This was just the place Leni wanted to be in. In the moment, everyone seemed to tolerate her presence and Linky was having the time of his life.

After several minutes of rapid-fire jokes, Luan took her seat, giving her younger brother a hug.

"Alright!" Lynn exclaimed despite remaining in her seat. Leni peered around to make sure that everything was alright with her sporty younger sister. Sporting her usual smug grin, she pulled out several small cardboard boxes bound together by a rubber band, "Now I think we should play a nice, relaxing card game. Go fish!"

Linky couldn't help but chuckle.

"It seems to me like you're goin' soft," he said smugly.

"Dont be fooled, bro," she shot back, nudging his arm, "just because it's your b-day doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you."

"We'll see about that!"

Lynn jumped up and pointed at the edges of the couch. Her cute teeth were clenched together (not angrily) but kinda like when a super cool girl is about to do something 'rad' or awesome or whatever kids like Lynn Jr called it.

"And that goes for all of you!"

"Are you sure there'll be enough cards for everyone?" Dad asked.

"Don't worry! It's a card game. And using my allowance, I went out and bought several packs so that there's enough for everyone."

It took about the length of Luna's song to distribute all the cards. Even though each Loud only got three cards, there was inevitably some cheerful debate regarding who got what card. Whenever someone got an ace, everyone eruptor at Lynn (the dealer) for doing someone else a solid. But as far as Leni could tell, it was all in good fun. Within seconds, the belligerents had resolved their conflict through chuckling. Leni, of course, did her best to not see anyone else's cards (they deserved their privacy after all).

And then there was the game itself. Leni didn't quite catch what the end goal was, but she had learned from Linky that "go fish" didn't mean run out and actually catch salmon out of the river. All it meant was that she didn't have any cards with the number Lucy gave her. That was simple enough.

She did gradually learn that there was a way to make others lose cards. When someone got the guess right, the guesser got to snatch the card right from the victim's hands. When you ran out of cards, you were out of the game (as Leni found out the hard way).

Time ceases to matter. Everyone was chatting it up, whether it was covert strategizing among roommates or fighting over supposed lying. Leni didn't seem to mind. Even though she was in the room, everyone was able to remain calm and jubilant. Smiles of all shapes and sizes emerged among the familial mirage before her. Leni liked this. It made her feel a part of something.

Eventually, the players narrowed down to Lynn and Linky. Both of them stared intensely at each other. Even after this whole game, Linky was still wearing the scarf snuggly around his neck.

"Got any 6's?" Lynn quipped.

"Go fish," Linky shot back as she raised an eyebrow, "Any 7's?"

"That's half my cards," she said, her voice never changing from that intense, competitive tone. The player casually slipped the cards to Linky.

"How about any 1's?"

What a great game, Leni thought. She knew that Lynn was family and she loved to win, But today was Linky's birthday. He deserved to win. He had a right to just about anything.

How long had they been playing? It must have been a long time because Lisa went to the bathroom at least ten minutes ago (according to her "calculations"). All this time of intense immersion had done a total to her imagination as well. Apparently, it wasn't just crazy minutes flying by for her. She was starting to see things too, like the black fog in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. How appropriate for a showdown like this.

"I knew you had a 6, you little booger," Lynn joked.

"I did! And I knew that you were keeping that extra 7 with you," Linky shot back with the same fervor. As he spoke, the smoke darkened and seeped into the room, "and you thought I wouldn't notice. Well guess what, Sister. I g-"

Linky was interrupted by a piercing set of beeps. As they rang incessantly across the room, Leni was able to put everything together.

 _"That's me..."_

Her fault. Leni realized she had completely forgot about her special cupcakes after sliding them in the oven. But in the midst of the external and internal chaos, Leni recognizes the gravity of the situation.

 _"I have to fix this!"_

Leni bounced to her feet and raced into the kitchen. Indeed, the black smoke seeped through the oven door's cracks. She knew this was entirely her responsibility and that she had to solve it. But how?

In the heat of the moment, Leni remembered pieces of something her Dad had said. Something about baking soda.

Darting her eyes around the room, she quickly spotted the open box still on Thebes counter. How much of a saving grace that was.

Now, all she had to do was dump this stuff in the flames and it would extinguish them. That's what she thought she heard her Dad say, after all.

By now, though, she noticed other family members were filing into the room. Apparently, they too had noticed the smoke. Of course they would. They're much smarter than her. And at the forefront was Linky, racing towards her. The tails of the scarf swung with his body.

"Leni, don-"

"Dont worry Linky!" She exclaimed, "I'm gonna fix this."

"Don't open th-!"

"But I have to! I have to get it in!"

Linky was frantically bouncing by her side as she inches towards the flaming oven. But even with the building commotion and bodies racing towards her, that fire was much like Leni's determination. She wasn't gonna let anyone clean up the mess she made. This was on her and only her. The birthday boy deserved better than to be forced to deal with this emergency.

Grabbing the hot handle, Leni flung the door open. As she recoiled from the blaring heat, Linky shoved himself forward. As he got up to her, one of the scarf's tails swung into the oven like a pendulum. Leni watched in horror as the edge of the scarf caught fire.

Lincoln panicked as the flames quickly ate away at the cotton scarf. Leni was motionless as she watched the events transpire. A slam occurred beside her, but she was too paralyzed to be stunned.

In a frantic effort to rip the scarf off, Linky's right wrist accidentally touched the flame. He winced in pain, leaving the fire to continue its ravenous spread. Luckily, Mom was able to grab the scarf at the neck and untangle it. She slammed it on the ground and stomped on the flame. It took several hearty beats, but the fire was extinguished.

"Okay, if we keep the door shut then the flames in the oven will go out on their own," Dad explained, barely able to keep his temper in check, "But how did this happen?!"

"I haven't baked at all today," Mom explained.

"It wasn't me," Luan attested.

As the conflicted arguments continued, Leni couldn't help but stare at Linky. His left hand grasped the wrist. Her eyes became pinpoints. She caused that. Because of her, Linky got hurt on his special day.

She trembled. This was her fault. Without a doubt, no questions asked. Leni was the one who used the oven and forgot to keep track of the time. She was stupid enough to make the scarf long enough for it to catch fire. And then, she had the audacity to open the oven door and expose poor Linky to the flames. This was a Leni incident no matter how it was sliced.

Leni became lightheaded. This was beyond unforgivable. There was no turning back from this. She had no class, no respect, no kindness. Her fashion creations were safety hazards. She wanted to vomit.

 _"Told you were worthless."_

 _"Linky's gonna hate you now!"_

 _"No one will ever trust you again!"_

 _"Did you really think you could do anything right?"_

It was like every harsh critic in the world had descended upon her fertile mind for excavation. Time had frozen to a halt (and what a moment to do so). They were all screaming into her head, telling her what a bonehead she was, that now was the time to give up, that no one will forgive her.

"Young lady, were you the one making these?" She heard her Dad ask.

And just like that, Leni realized that every uncertainty she had of her own awfulness was now clear as day. She hyperventilated as she was forced to contend with this new reality. She was worthless and everyone knew it. The world around her was shrinking. Her own family members were staring at her, some expecting an explanation and others an affirmation of what they already thought. The weight piled on quickly. Too quickly.

Leni brought her fingers to her temples trying to grapple with this. She wanted to stay strong as usual, to keep it to herself. But here, even her ignorance couldn't keep others out of harm's way. Her Head shook even more as she pressed her fingers deeper into it. But nothing could have kept the dam together. Squeezing her eyes shut, Leni screamed. It blared over the other's commotion and the (still-beeping) fire alarm.

She had to get out. She wasn't welcome anymore. Seeing a clear path through the dining room, Leni bolted out, ignoring everything in her path. Nothing mattered anymore. She never mattered, nor should anyone else see her any other way. The last thing she heard as she jumped out in the snow was the door slamming shut.

* * *

"What just happened?"

All eyes turned to Lynn. The girl usually enjoyed being the center of attention, basking in all of its glory. But instead, her knees buckled as all eyes fell on her. Lynn felt as out of place as a ballerina on a football field.

Most of the family members were packed in the corridors leading into the kitchen, acting as recent arrivals. Most of them were silent. The question didn't need a verbal answer. They saw the various ingredients carelessly left out on the counter, the charred mess on the ground, the dull orange scarf with black along the tail, and the birthday boy with his father by his side, gritting his teeth to hold back painful tears.

"It's all Leni's fault," Lola sneered, folding her arms. Just like that, the astonished eyes shifted to her, "she wanted to make cupcakes! She should've kept track of it!"

"Even I know that you have to keep an eye on the time," Luan replied. Sure, she felt a little backlash in her throat, but it was truly in the top of her mind. Given the vast quantities of pies she bakes on a regular basis, Luan had developed the urge to discuss what should have been common sense.

"I am not surprised in the least," Lisa added as she readjusted her thick glasses, "Our second eldest sibling has displayed rather absentminded tendencies, a fact that is well-"

"That's enough," Lynn Sr interjected, raising a hand. Just like that, all discussion ceased, "None of this is helping. We will deal with Leni afterwards, but the blame game isn't gonna get us anywhere."

The room fell back to the uncomfortably familiar silence. The only noise in the room was the soft crunch as the cold water bag pressed on the burnt wrist. Lincoln hissed as he struggled to accept the stinging freeze. The spectators shifted their attention between the treatment and each other. Some figured that they ought to be doing something. But what? That was the difficult question that kept the feet planted in the exterior.

"I can help you," Lana eventually said, taking a courageous step forward.

"That's very kind of you, but I think I got it right now," Lynn Sr answered as he held the bag on the affected skin. Lana watched quietly as he worked on the area.

Rita gazed around the room. She too was frazzled from the quick succession of events. Underneath the obvious concern for her two babies was nearly every other emotion conceivable, all competing against each other in the battlefield known as her mind.

"Kids," she said shakily, "give Lincoln and your father some space. Go back to whatever you were doing."

Without protest, the eight sisters shuffled out of the room. Their lifeless faces were difficult for the mother to watch. Where was the lofty, carefree demeanor they usuallyvcarried? Rita tried to imagine it, praying that it would return soon.

Once they cleared out, there were only three. Lincoln winced each time the water bag was applied, but Rita was shocked from the boy's might. He pushed through without weeping or fidgeting, making it easier for Lynn Sr to work through the treatment. Of course, that didn't make it less painful for Lincoln. His face was tight and crunched up, as if he stuffed a whole lemon in his mouth. The boy's frame occasionally trembled, trying to keep it all in.

Rita approached her son and placed her hand on his shoulder. The shaking stopped immediately. Parts of Lincoln's cheeks loosened, as if his mother's hand was reassuring him, telling him it was gonna be alright. It was a tactic she had picked up from years on the job, working her way through eleven children. Her fourteen years as a dental assistant only expanded that skill, helping calm down anxious kids terrified of all the strange equipment.

But she knew she couldn't remain here forever. Rita felt horrible to let go and step back even before Lynn Sr had finished his job. However, taking a deep breath, she turned around.

"I'm going out to find Leni," Rita said bluntly.

Lynn Sr sighed as his head fell.

"Please do," he said sadly. Lincoln's eyes wandered, clearly uncomfortable to be in the middle of this mess, "she couldn't have gotten too far."

Rita nodded and paced to the foyer. Reaching into the small closet, she pulled out her white puffy winter coat. No time for gloves, boots, or hats. And scarves weren't a good idea. She zipped up it up and headed to the coat rack. The mother froze just inches before it. The keys were gone.

 _"Oh no..."_

She jerked her body to the small windows attached to the front door. The heavy snowfall and fog on the glass made the sight blurry, but Rita knew it was just as she feared. The driveway lacked a massive, Vanzilla-shaped mound.

Her heart raced. This wasn't happening right now. None of it, not even the cupcakes. Rita had to control herself, tell herself that she was gonna solve this. That's what mothers did, after all.

She jammed her hand into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Rita punched in the number on the touch screen, too frantic to appreciate the fact her hands didn't have thick gloves. She shot the plastic device to her ear, tensely waiting through the rings.

 _"Please pick up. Please pick up."_

The pause between each ring was unbearable. Why couldn't they design phones that sped up the whole process or at least got rid of that dreaded silence. Rita bit her tongue once she finally heard her daughter's angelic voice.

"Hi! This is Leni! Lori is, like, helping me make one of these thingies, so here I am!"

"Get to the point," she heard Lori mutter.

But by then, Rita's hopes sank. The color escape her cheeks, as if she were out in the storm freezing to death. Her hands shook.

Should she call the police? No. The kids didn't need to see those big bulky officers storming the House. As it was, they were already downtrodden. Besides, she thought of a more reasonable alternative. Rita forced her hand to sit still as she flipped through her contacts. She knew the number was somewhere. Luckily, it was still there, Her thumb slapped it, the phone shot to the ear, and it was back to dreaded pauses.

Rita prayed that she would pick up. Surely she must have her phone on her around this time. Someone had to.

"Hi Rita," a voice said on the other end.

"Jane, is Leni over there?" she asked. She fought every urge in her body to keep her voice controlled and level.

"No. Was she droppi-"

"She ran off and took the car with her," Rita interjected. By now, her fist was against her waist. It shook from sheer impatience. Regardless, she tried to sound calm, "I was wondering if I cou-"

"Say no more. I'm on my way."

The phone hung up before she could add anything. Rita spent a solid ten seconds staring at her phone screen. She knew the call was over and that help was coming. But maybe Leni would pick up any moment now, realize that her Mom wanted to know how she was doing. But no such call came. Rita slipped the phone in her pocket, hoping that maybe it would come later.

In the meantime, her eyes turned back to that small window on the door. In a few minutes, headlights would emerge from the grayish white haze. Maybe it would be Vanzilla. Leni would return on her own, Rita would grab her a blanket, and everything would end all nice and happy.

But Lincoln was still in intense pain. That fire could have quickly gotten out of hand, enveloping the rest of kitchen before devastating the entire House. And the living room? Where had the life gone? She didn't hear any talking or laughter. Not even the TV was on.

"Mom."

Rita jolted back. For the briefest of moments, she convinced herself that it was Leni reaching out to her. But the jerkish swing around brought her back to reality. Luna stood for Linky several feet away holding baby Lily. Rita felt her already troubled heart sink even lower.

"Is Leni gonna be okay?" Luna asked as she patted the baby on the back.

She knew her third daughter was old and smart enough to understand the situation. There was no question about it. And yet, Rita was woefully unprepared to address anyone, let alone her family. But those big sad eyes compelled a response, as if ignoring them was a bigger sin than her staying home right now.

Rita sighed.

"I don't know," she said slowly, as she brought a hand to her shocked cheek, "I hope she is...and I hope I find her...but," she paused as she took in one of the most difficult breaths in her life, "I wish I had the answer."

"Weni..."

Just when she thought her bruised heart would receive some much-desired mercy, little Lily sent a sting penetrating the wound. The poor baby was perched upon her big sister's shoulder, gripping the dower purple shirt. Rita couldn't help but wonder what it was like to the young mind. How aware was she of the situation? How destructive was the blizzard of confusion inside her infantile head? Beyond the gray fog and dense snowfall, no answers emerged. How terrifying was it to not see a clear silhouette come into the forefront, making everything as clear as a sunny May afternoon. If only she could swoop and embrace her little girls, shelter her from the bitter cold.

A blaring horn interrupted her motherly trance. Her eyes widen as she quickly registered the cue.

"I gotta go! I love you," Rita said rapidly.

As she bolted out the front door, she was greeted by two piercing headlights. Snow pelted her coat, trying to bog her down. But in this moment, nothing could hurt her. Rita's numb legs defied the tall, yet slippery mush on the ground. Through the blurry sight, she spotted an opening in the passenger seat. Yes. Perfect. With another boost, Rita charged around the corner and flung open the door.

Particles of snow whipped against Jane's skin, but today was a supernatural day. Texture ceased to exist, along with color and warmth. Rita knew Jane. She was loud, rambunctious, and over-the-top. Yet a brief glimpse was indicative enough of the levity. As Jane pulled out of the snowy driveway, Rita gazed into the central mirror and noticed a special passenger in the backseat. The poor girl's head was pointed downward.

"Helen," Rita said gently.

The girl snapped up. Her eyes were heavy with emotion, though Rita couldn't see any tears. She couldn't tell if that made things better or worse.

"Have you tried contacting Leni?" Rita asked.

"Yes," Helen answered softly. Her voice was low, struggling to keep up with the thin air entering her lungs, "I tried texting...and calling, but she hasn't got back to me," her neck lowered, struggling to keep her head up, "I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, that's okay," Rita said, shaking her head, "I really appreciate your efforts."

"So what do you want to do?" Jane asked gravely.

Once again, Rita was tempted to get the police involved. After all, more people made the search easier. But she quickly shut it down. Rita was already in a car, so there was no point in getting out. While she believed Royal Woods had fine police officers, Rita was uncertain their presence would have helped in the long run. How would Leni feel to know that her actions resulted in such drastic consequences. And finally, Rita had an idea of her own.

"I think I know where she went," Rita said.

"Where?" Jane asked.

"I can show you the way," she answered as she pointed forward, "stay straight."

The turn wasn't coming for a while. And what a shame. Her mind was on repeat, reliving the incomplete story she experienced. What else was going on? Why did it come to this? It was torture having to pose these questions without having a clear answer. She knew she was no more informed than Lily on this.

"So what happened?" she heard Helen ask.

Rita sighed.

"It's a long story," she said.

Without anything else to do, she proceeded to retell the events of that morning. Each joyous moment was recounted as they led up to an abrupt turnaround.

* * *

Rita only remembered a few occasions where the Royal Woods Mall was _this_ desolate. In the open field known as the parking lot, she could only make out ten or so cars parked. She commended those brave souls, conquering the elements to make a modest wage or shop for necessities.

She kept her eyes glued as Jane slowly drove through the parking lot. They could all hear the snow crunching under the tires and the windshield wipers clearing out the fresh sheet of precipitation. They grinder to a halt with each parked vehicle they passed. It took a minute to examine its features (license plate, shape, color, brand) before realizing it wasn't Vanzilla.

This had to be the place her daughter went. It was one of the few places she loved driving to, an oasis that gave her comfort even in her darkest hour. Even as they failed to identify Vanzilla, there was hope that, given the vast size of the lot, that it would turn up at some point.

But as more of the parking lot came into view, Rita started to feel her heart twist tighter and tighter. What if Leni didn't stop? She could have sped right into the highway. The image of her daughter getting this far by herself was terrifying. And given how distraught she was as she ran out, she could have been distracted behind the wheel and...

No, Rita said to herself. She refused to think further down that path. They were gonna find her somehow. And if she wasn't here, _then_ they would call the police. At least by then, it would be a last resort. Rita inhaled deeply. She needed to calm down.

"There she is!"

Rita shook her head. Did she hear that right? Her eyes went left, right, up, and down. From this aimless venture, she locked her sight on it. On the far edge of the parking lot (which bordered a large forest), the motionless Vanzilla was swerved at a tilted angle relative to the traditional parking lines. Luckily, there wasn't a single dent in the car. It had stopped safely.

"Thank you," Rita said as she sighed, "I can take it from here."

"Okay," Jane responded, "we'll stay here in case you need some extra hands."

In the corner of her eye, Rita saw Helen silently nod.

"Certainly," Rita said.

She was bombarded by a torrent of snow as she popped the door open. Rita, though, pushed through, planting her feet in the mountain of snow. She marched to Vanzilla, which was surprisingly dark on the inside. She was forced to ask herself what was going on. Helen had told her Leni was right here. Did she just mean Vanzilla? Indeed, Rita was horrified to discover the car was empty.

Rita ran around Vanzilla. On the ground, she spotted a black shiny object right next to the driver side door. She grasped it and shook off the snow. It was the keys. Yes, things were coming together.

And then it all made sense. Beyond Vanzilla, several trees into the woods was a figure. Yes, it had to be.

Leni was kneeling in the snow. Without any coat or gloves, she was reduced to her simple dress. She didn't feel the cold seep into her bare feet or the goosebumps gardening on her exposed arms. Her blonde hair blew with the gust of wind. Her large, horrified eyes gazed off into the wilderness before her.

As Rita got closer, these details became more and more outlined. The poor girl was out here, freezing to death. She knew she had to get her daughter to warmth. Vanzilla was good. All she needed was turn on the car along with its heater. But first, Rita knew she needed to talk her into it.

"Leni," Rita said.

Leni flinched at the realization. She knew that voice. What was Mom doing out here in the cold? She scrambled to her feet, digging her hands into the snow. Leni found herself in a tenuous position given the height of the snowfall, yet she was able to turn around. As she feared, it was Mom. Her pupils became little dots.

"Get away from me!" Leni cried, her voice hoarse. She started walking backwards, hoping she can assure that such occurred.

"Leni, please come home," Mom said concerned, "we're all worried about you. _Lincoln_ wants to forgive you."

"You don't have to pretend anymore!"

Rita was astonished. As far as she knew, the only time she pretended was when she fed Lily and had the spoon as an "airplane". But certainly, that wasn't what this was about.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"Everyone knows it! Even me," Leni shot back, slapping a hard fist against her chest, "but you don't have to do this anymore. You can finally be free."

"I don't know what you mean," Mom answered, concerned at Leni's intensifying demeanor. This wasn't the daughter she knew. Leni was usually much more laid back and gentle. To say that this sight was jaw dropping was an understatement.

Leni growled, exposing her teeth.

"We both know it! No one can stand me," Leni proclaimed. Before Rita could ask again, Leni walked to the nearest tree and started pounding her head against the frozen bark, "You only put up with me because you think you have to. You've scared yourself into thinking that others will call you a meanie if you spoke the truth even though it's right in everyone's faces."

Rita knew she couldn't keep her distance. She raced to Leni and grabbed her hand. As her daughter faced her, Rita felt another tinge of pain. A red rash had seared into Leni's forehead. And those eyes, how they were seething with an uncontrollable resentment.

"Leni. I don't put up with you. I love you," Rita said, gripping that cold trembling hand, "you have your own talents. You've done amazing things for both us and others and we're thankful for that!" she then stared intently, "Please...please see that."

All the mother could hear was the roaring wind. Leni's troubled blue eyes didn't know how to process the information, to grapple with it. Instead, her sad mouth slowly dropped. It was as if that feature didn't matter anymore, that it didn't need acknowledgement. Rita tightened her grip on her daughter's hands, hoping her love would shine through and lift up Leni's chin.

Instead, the younger woman turned away, unable to face her master. Leni shuddered. The cold was finally registering in her bones.

"Leni," Mom said, "Pleas-"

"It can't be true."

Rita's eyes widened.

"What are you talk-"

"All this time," Leni said, her throat tightening and pulled her hand away. She gripped in on the side of her waist. Turning around, she stumbled in the opposite direction.

"I don't understand. Can you please tell me what's goin-"

"I tricked you!"

Leni halted, her feet practically frozen to the snowy ground. Rita was the same way. The storm had now worked its way into her own mind, blurring the lines that were once bold and clear-cut.

"What?" Mom asked softly. Leni lowered her head. She mentally slapped herself for letting that tidbit out. Maybe she could pretend it never happened. Yeah, this was just an illusion in her silly little head. She knew that she could be pretty gullible at times.

"Leni," she asked more firmly. The younger Loud trembled. The snow began consuming her one part at a time. She trembled. No, she refused to believe she was smacking her Mom with this, "Tell me what's going on?"

And then it hit her. Leni realized this was once again the typical situation, avoiding responsibility. It didn't matter what her conscience said, her actions always screamed out "never my fault!" Even now, in her greatest and most unforgivable transgression, she still buckled when it came time to face the consequences.

Well no more. It may not be easy, but now was the time. Her Mom deserved to have some closure as she's finally gained her much-deserved freedom. Leni locked her arms to her side and jerked around. She locked eyes with Rita. There couldn't be any reservation in this final moment of justice.

"Whenever I am-got sad and accepted the fact that I was nothing," Leni said bluntly, "I liked to fool myself into think that I was truly lovable, that you all would really mean it when you said "it's okay, we all mistakes"," she took in a whiff of chilly air before continuing, "but you never wanted to love me. You knew I was stupid and selfish and mean! I didn't mean to trick anyone but...look at me. I spent so much time with you that you just got used to it. I made it so that pretending to love me would be the only way to make yourself happy. And...look what happened."

Rita was astonished. Did her daughter really just say that about herself? She didn't understand. She knew that Leni sometimes had difficulty expressing her feelings, but there were no hints of this (or maybe Rita didn't want to think it was that bad).

"Leni, sweetie," she said. Mom approached her daughter and placed hand on her rigid shoulder, "let me take you to Vanzilla."

The younger Loud squirmed forward.

"No! I can't!"

"Leni..."

What was she supposed to say? There was so much uncertainty and yet Rita felt the complexity facing her. After all this time, she thought she understood her daughter. The years of watching her grow up and talking with Maddy and teachers had convinced her she knew her daughter like a book. Rita wanted to learn.

"I have never been tricked into anything. I loved you from the day I knew you were coming," Rita said, "I have never gotten tired or sad because of you. If anything, what you've done has made me even prouder as a mother."

Leni didn't get closer. She wasn't in a hurry to hug her Mom or finally see the light. Instead, she took a single step forward. Rita feared that she would run off, resulting in an ugly chase. The mother wanted to resolve this through conversation and she was intent on discovery.

Luckily, no physical struggle ever materialized. Leni shuddered in her spot. What was she thinking, Rita asked.

"I...," Leni said shakily, "I don't believe you."

Her eyes were clenched. Why couldn't Mom just get the message already? Leni was doing this for her own good, for her Dad's good, her sisters' goods, and... (especially) Linky's. All Mom had to do was get in Vanzilla and drive away. Whatever happened to herself next didn't matter. She didn't care, nor should be. Leni had long since lost that privilege.

"Please," she heard her Mom say, "It's freezing out here. Even if you don't believe me, can we at least talk it out in the car?"

Rita once again got closer to her daughter. This time, she wrapped around the front and stared her straight on in her face. The rash had already become a dull imprint on her frightingly pale skin. But those eyes (which refused to cry) carried more than just anger at this point. Leni was quiet. Her lips were too overwhelmed to release any words.

"Leni, I want to know what's happening with my little girl. I want to try and convince you that the love you get from me, your family, and friends is real," Rita expounded. That was the crucial step. Once they were in the heated Vanzilla, they could talk this all out.

She still couldn't bring herself to speak, however. By this point, Leni was becoming one with the trees. It was a shame Rita couldn't get the answer she wanted in words, but who could blame anyone given the cold.

Indeed, it was only a matter of time before Leni's paralysis descended into shivering. Rita knew it wasn't fair to just take her daughter's hand and force her there. Leni was a person and she deserved respect in that regard. But Rita was also a mother, the one who made a vow to never let her children fall into harm's way. When to draw the line should have been clear by now, especially after eighteen years on the job. Mothers don't let their kids stay out in the snow without basic protection (and especially not during such an intense storm).

However deep in those melancholy eyes, Rita detected a quagmire that required more than typical initiative or "hollow" reassurances. This was a fundamental fracture point, one which required more time than the weather allowed.

"Well..." Leni murmured tentatively. Rita's frosty ears popped to attention, "It's, like, totes cold outside," she then paused. Leni briefly gazed off into the wilderness before her? This was the whole point of coming here. But alas, the words "I'll come with you," escape her mouth.

Without missing a beat, Rita nodded and took Leni's hand. She tried to nudge her daughter along, hoping to traverse more snowfall. It was a slow, but steady effort. As Mom rounded the front hood, she pulled the key from her pocket and unlocked the passenger seat. Mom opened it for her, allowing Leni to reluctantly worm into the chilly upholstery. While still outside, she instinctively removed her thick coat and wrapped it around Leni. It may not stop the cold immediately, but it was a start.

Rita gently shut the door and paced to the driver seat. The preliminary steps of setting up had to be brief. Within ten seconds, Mom was able to secure herself in Vanzilla, rev up the heating system, and sealed all means the warmth could escape. This was much better, she thought.

"You know," Rita said, eyes forward and nudging her daughter, "from in here, these snowflakes sorta remind me of each of your siblings," she cringed, recognizing it wasn't an ideal start. No matter, she pressed forward as she pointed her finger at a passing snowflake, "That one right there could be your's," she then proceeded to snap-point at a collection of others, "That one could be Lori's, Luna's, Luan's, Lynn's, Lincoln's..."

Rita knew it. This couldn't have been a more counterproductive analogy if she tried. Leni wasn't even looked at her, but rather at the coat. With each name uttered, she shrunk lower and lower into the article.

She realized that to get her girl to talk, she needed to employ a different set of words. As an aspiring novelist, it was her duty to eloquently craft the English language into a clear, substantial, and moving argument. Perhaps it was too soon for the subject of snow flakes.

But with determination in her wounded heart, Rita bolted forward.

"Leni. I'm not gonna make you speak, but I'm not driving or letting you leave this spot until I know," Mom said confidently. She then turned to Leni with a much kinder gaze, "is that okay, honey?"

Leni nodded her head and stared forward at the cotton balls roaring down.

Of course, that important moment didn't immediately arrive. To give Leni some "space", Rita largely kept her gaze at the snow. The soft blowing outside brushed along her ears. Her gloves hands were on her thighs, basking in the influx of new heat.

Occasionally, she turned to her daughter. Each time, she was facing a different direction. Sometimes up at the roof, sometimes down on the floor, others out the window, but never at her. It was like there was a black wall separating the two of them. Leni knew it was impossible to see the other side, so why even try?

The slow minutes became excruciating, but Rita understood their necessity. If she spoke up too soon, Leni would be frazzled and they would both be back at square one. Leni had to be the one to start this. It was her mind and her free will. She trusted her daughter would make the right decision sooner or later.

Leni couldn't believe she was here. This felt like one of those fantasies where impossible things happened in rapid fire. For the longest time, she had convinced herself that despite all her defects, she was at least good (some of the time) at not making it other's business. This was her problem, after all. Mom had better things to do than this.

But alas, that delusion of herself came crumbling down in a defeated sigh.

"What do you wanna know?" Leni asked sadly.

Rita perked up. Finally, this was her chance to gain some insight.

"Whatever you're comfortable with honey," she replied warmly, "there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Leni slowly veered away from Mom. She was uncertain. She knew there was no way out at this point. Mom, though, was patient even when she was being foolish. But now , she wasn't gonna waste any more time. As Lori would say, it was time to "rip off the Band-aid" (or whatever it was).

"Well...um..." she said tentatively. Leni couldn't believe these words were about to come out. Mom, though, was clearly staring at her. With that, Leni took an affirmative gulp.

"I hate myself."

Rita didn't think her eyes could have opened any wider. Some of what Leni said earlier had traces of this. Mom wanted to believe this was just because of her daughter's mood, that she would return to normal after some hugging and light-hearted discussion.

But this wasn't a normal reaction. It would have been one thing if she bolted up to her room and locked the door behind her or tried to hug Lincoln. Now, as she sat here in Vanzilla during the storm, Rita knew this was more than just theatrics. The lack of warm clothes, the talk about the family being "free", the raw bitterness in Leni's eyes.

"Could you tell me why?" Rita asked gently. Now that she clearly understood what she was dealing with, she knew she had to be extremely careful.

Leni rubbed her arms, trying to warm them up.

"It's too big to say," she said dismissively.

"That's okay. We have all the time in the world to talk it out," Mom explained.

"Well," Leni said, eventually finding the courage to make eye contact with her mom, "I guess I can start at the, like, start.

"Okay."

Well, she thought, this was it. After this, her Mom would either understand why she needed to be free to eternally entrenched in that cage. As Leni dreaded the latter, she felt another shiver. How fitting (or not) that this had to be when there was mountains of suffocating snow building up.

"Sometimes, I think about _Leni_ ," she explained.

"You mean your sister?" Mom asked.

"Yes..."

Rita should have known that one of her other babies was involved in this. She was thrust back to that terrible day eighteen years ago, the tears both she and Lynn Sr had wept. Rita was also also forced to relive the day where she had to tell the tale to both Lori and Leni.

"So, like, I know you said that you love me anyway, but we literally have the same name," Leni said.

"Well, your father and I loved that name. It's beautiful and we wanted two of our own to have it."

Rita hoped this wasn't where Leni was headed towards. She loved both Lenis would have given them the care they needed regardless of what their circumstances. Though retroactively, she became aware of how confusing the implications of this duplication. Moods and ideas were different at that grim, desperate time. Rita herself was younger back then and had less control over her emotions. And despite her best intentions, Leni truly was in her right to speculate why she didn't get some other name had _Leni_ survived.

"It's not your fault, Mom," Leni said lightly. She then chuckled softly. It wasn't easy hearing the sinister thread lying under it all, "I never blame you or Dad or even Leni."

"I don't blame anyone. It just wasn't in any of our control," Mom said.

"Still, I think about what it would have been like if, like, Leni was born. She would have been smart, funny, pretty, and good all wrapped up into one," Leni then perked up a smile. Mom shivered. This was one of the few times where she dreaded seeing one of those big, toothy grins. She wanted to jump in for the save, to correct the preconceptions she had assumed in her head. Leni, though, beat her to it, "Other kids would come up to her and say 'Leni, you don't like weird stuff like Princess Pony'. 'Leni, you don't get mixed up when someone says something really simple to you.' 'Leni, you're not some idiot that can't! Stop! Messing up!'"

Each phrase was a hammer strike. Leni angrily pounded her fist on the arm rest, trying to rip the pure anger from the dark spots of her core.

Mom flinched. With each second, Leni continued to surprise her. She knew that her "second" daughter wasn't immune from petty squabbles or little quibbles. But rarely had she seen her get so intense. It was so fast and rough that Leni often backed out of this rash behavior.

"Leni, we all make mistakes," Mom said. Yes, it was an age-old moral that was often beaten into the groun. But as this clearly indicated, there was a reason it was age-old. No matter how far people come as a society and as individuals, there will always be those that nitpick the most subtle features. Some go unnoticed by their perpetuators, while others became a pivot point that marked the start of a new trail (for better or worse). "Your siblings make mistakes, your Dad, even I mess up from time to time. But that doesn't make you bad. It just makes you a person. Don't beat yourself over it."

"But I made too many!" Leni cried.

"Huh."

"I used up all my mistakes when I was little. I couldn't talk right or move right or think right or anything," Leni outlined hastily. She glared intensely at the windshield before her. She was trying to see her reflection, but the glass was too wet to produce a clear reflection, "I spent so much time wasting _your_ time and using up all my tries that I ran out," All of them came to mind. Maddy, Mrs. Boxer, Mrs. Lane, Dr. Henry. She adored all of them, but not even their combined brilliance could have saved her. Leni felt her throat tighten as she continued, "Now when I mess up, its bad and no one is really happy with giving me a second chance. Now it's just a test of not yelling at me! It's like one of those tests you find in _16.5_. They'll, like, ask you questions about how pretty you are and the nicer you are to yourself, the worse the score. That's totes weirds. And then, like-"

Rita's hand landed on Leni's left shoulder.

"Slow down, Leni," Mom said gradually.

"Oh..."

As if a power switch had been turned, Leni clammed up and her arms withdrew in the makeshift blanket. Rita felt bad for silencing her daughter like that (especially with revelations of these nature), But she could detect the trajectory of this tangent. She wanted to get back to the main point. With a cheery smile, Rita spoke.

"No one could ever replace you. When Lincoln and each of your sisters came into the world, they all did their own special thing," Mom said eloquently "That can't always be made up ahead of time, but when it happens, it's a magical bright light to our day. Do you know what your first gift to us was?"

"Goo?"

"Joy. You're right about one thing," Mom said. Her lips fell quiet as a series of painful memories re-emerged, "Your Dad and I were very sad when your sister left us. We only get to remember Leni for those few moments where she was in my arms," of course, it was always difficult for Rita to get through that story with a pair of dry eyes. In that moment, however, Rita found it in her to blink the tears away. She lifted her hand to Leni's pale cheek. The daughter peered up at her gentle mother as the latter continued, "But when we had you, you helped us get through this tough time. No one in our family would be the same without you."

"But..." Leni said. She cowered away, towards the passenger window. If she did say anything during that motion, it was lost.

"But what?" Mom asked.

Well, Leni had already exposed one aspect of herself. She might as well lay it all down on her poor mother's back now.

"It's not just about my sister."

"What else is troubling you?" Mom asked.

The voice echoed in every part of Leni's skull. Past iterations, present dictation, and speculative admonishments for crimes both real and imagined. Leni took a shaky breath.

"Everything..."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

A short, sad silence.

"Okay," Leni said, resigned.

And then she unloaded. Leni sought to get everything off her chest in one swoop, only occasionally interrupted by breathing and (from what Rita could discern) sniffles. As baffling as it was for Leni to accept, she put everything to words. She told her Mom about how she failed to get out of her IEP before the eighth grade and that time she read in one of the journals about the high cost of services. Leni outlined for her Mom how even after her services phased out, she still struggled to make friends or be what some girls called a "social animal".

And then there was the other stuff, the little quirks that made her unbearable; her stilted grin in photographs, her mediocre grades (even now, she couldn't get above low B's), her ignorance of current trends among her own peers, her "weird" interests, her inferior fashion design skills, the complete absence of a leadership despite being granted responsibilities (mostly on technicality), her slow thinking speed, her limited vocabulary (or as she called it, "big words"), her constant excusemaking, her failure to succeed in high-pressure situations, her dependence on others for guidance, the occasions where she chews with her mouth open, her lackluster writing skills, her careless attitude towards both power outlets and baking ovens, her inability to keep her loved ones out of harm's way, and most of all, her failure to be considerate towards others.

That was it. It was all out there. Leni had no more secrets, this destroying the sad lonely remnant of her self-worth. Her eyes widened and her cheeks blushed. She couldn't believe that she just did that. She had told herself to never ever make her problems that of others, especially not her family. The last charge was by far the heaviest and most self-evident. She had no excuse for putting all that out there just to win some pity points.

All pity did was trap others into an obligation to socialize. There was no other purpose or result that comes with dumping problems onto others. Leni squeezed her eyes shut upon thinking this. That's all she was doing. Proving her own point as usual.

Rita didn't know what to say. In the span of one discussion, she gained a whole new insight into her daughter's habits, mannerisms, and attitudes. Despite being proud to know a lot about her children (or wanting to learn), all this came at a surprise. Now that she thought about it, this loathing wasn't entirely out of her sight. Mentally, she slapped herself for not pressing her daughter earlier. It could have been one of those times where Leni apologized incessantly, uttered the phrase "I'm sorry" until her throat went dry. Maybe instead of assuming Leni took those driving test failures in stride, she could have asked her after she got out. Or perhaps have worked harder to acknowledge that special education was more than just the teacher's observations.

So then why did this aspect of Leni slip through the cracks? Rita was confronted with countless "what if's" and "if only's". Each one was certain to produce a far different reality, where this issue could have been nipped in the bud instead of festering over time. Rita understood she wasn't the perfect parent and there were multiple ways she could have done better than this. But now she got her daughter to open up to her. That had to make her (at least) a _good_ mother.

Even though Leni wasn't looking at her, Mom leaned in and gave her one of the tightest hugs she ever delivered.

Leni's eyes widened. Even after all her transgressions, she was still getting this reward? Not only did Mom still allow her in the car, but she was doing this? And yet, despite the fear of pity, this embrace was...full. It was the farthest thing from the hollow sensation that came with such a feeling. It was warm, radiating, complete, and every definition of satisfying imaginable. Leni knew she herself could never give such an embrace herself, but receiving one was more than nice.

At this point, she couldn't keep it in anymore. Tears broke free and Leni allowed herself to cry in front of her Mom. It was an unusual feeling to cry. Leni felt so exposed, so vulnerable. And Mom was just there, going through the motions again. As Leni wept, she asked herself what type of monster was she?

In an effort to give her Mom a break, Leni tried looking out the passenger window. While she had glimpsed out there several times earlier, it was only now that she discovered something other snow. Out in the distance was a separate car with its headlights on. Leni rubbed her eyes and tried to make out the sight.

The color, size, and shape made it clear. This was how Mom got here, she realized. And now her best friend knew all about this. For several moments, Leni silently sauntered in her seat. She couldn't believe that her reign of destruction continued further. And just thinking about her Helen made her well up again.

KThe mother and daughter were there for each other, though. The storm raged on as usual, piling inch after inch of new snow on the ground. Ten others awaited their return home. But for now, it was hugs and tears for them. This wasn't gonna be the end of the matter, however. Leni knew she wasn't getting out of this so easily.


	50. Slowly Accepting

The drive to school was much more desolate than usual. In some ways, it was like Lori was back in the driver seat (only instead of her big sister, it was Mom). That was okay. They explained that Leni would get back the keys the following week. She didn't blame Mom, of course.

But that wasn't all. There was minimal chatter in the back seats. Leni occasionally glanced over her shoulder. Her sisters were as tired as usual, beholden to their precious coffee. By now, Leni had come to expect their grogginess in the early morning. However, that couldn't be all there was to it. Just looking at those eyes and downtrodden lips pointed to the elephant in the room.

Leni knew they were still thinking about last week. How could anyone forget? Even she found herself reliving the blinding whirlwind and steel-solid goosebumps. It was her actions and her responsibility. Now, her siblings see her as an object that makes them sad. And who could blame them? For all that she hated pity, her outburst all but brought it upon herself. She sighed as she realized that things weren't gonna just go back to normal.

Mom pulled into an empty spot (though not the one that Leni liked going to).

"You girls go on ahead," Mom said, "Leni, do you wanna sit in here for a minute?"

Of course, this wasn't a real question. Leni knew exactly what kind of trouble she was getting herself into now. But she wasn't about to protest. She had given up that right when she dared to open her mouth. Knowing this, she slowly nodded.

The back seats of Vanzilla slowly cleared out, mixed in with tired goodbyes. Leni could only bring herself to silently wave at her departing sisters. Did they see her? Probably not, but it was the thought that counted. Right?

"Leni," Mom said.

Alerted by her own name, she mechanically turned her neck towards her mother. Her lips were tucked against each other. Her hands were locked between the fingers. This couldn't be good.

"Today, can you promise me something?" She asked.

The younger Loud took a shaky breath.

"What is it?" She asked. But she already knew what the answer was. This was purely to keep her Mom from getting upset. The poor thing didn't need any more of that horrible emotion.

"Whatever you do today, try to remember what you do well," Mom said warmly. And then, those tense lips suddenly loosened, "it doesn't have to be big stuff like getting an A on a test. It can also be little things, like holding the door open for someone or helping someone new find their way," she then hoisted up her united hands and flapped open the fingers.

Leni couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Mom asked.

"That thing you're doing with you're hands," she replied, "It's totes cute."

"Well, I guess it kinda shows what I mean," she sad. Just then, her arms turned in opposite directions, causing the open palms to fly free, "I want to help you get to the point where you can let your sadness come apart and for your soul to be free from inner judgment."

She visualized her mother's process, using the hands and stuff. In some sense, it made sense. Leni wanted to be happier and was required to at least listen to her Mom's advice. But doing little things seemed a bit small. And thinking about them didn't seem like much either.

"Will this make me happy?" Leni asked.

"Not right away. This is a good start, a way to help you change your perspective. It may seem silly at first, but I think it'll get easier if you take baby steps," Mom explained.

"Okay..."

Rita sensed that dismay under her daughter's voice. It was of a non-believer, someone that was too smart to be fooled by what they saw as empty rhetoric. And she knew Leni was no dummy.

"Honey," she said. Luckily, Leni turned straight to her, even with that unwavered expression, "I know there will be days where you'll be sad and thinking about good things won't cheer you up. But it's okay. It doesn't mean you're not trying. It just means you're human. And when you feel that way, tell someone. It can be me, your Dad, one of your siblings, Helen, or anyone you feel comfortable with. There's a lot of people that care about you."

Even Leni couldn't resist her Mom's warm smile. It was that kind of serenity that got her hopes up. Despite all of her flaws, maybe there was some inkling of good in her after all. It was gonna be a long time before she could start believing those words, but Leni could at least understand the place they were coming from.

While her face replicated her mother's expression, her Mom embraced her. Leni flinched from the sudden gesture, but couldn't find any reason to complain.

"I love you so much," she heard her muffled voice say.

"I love you too, Mom," Leni said softly. While locked in the hug, she decided to pat her Mom's back. It was the first idea that came to mind. Leni knew it wasn't a lot, but it was certainly more than nothing.

Leni was embarrassed being here. She felt like she was only making her Mom sad by creating worry. Her cheeks flared up the longer she was left in the embrace.

"We all love you, Leni."

Her cheeks flared up. That was a weird expression to hear, the sort of thing she would chastise for being too proud. But now it was a buzz phrase, one that brought shock to her ears every time she heard it. Indeed, it was gonna be a long time before she would start believing it.

Finally, Leni got out of Vanzilla and blew her Mom a kiss. As she watched the car drive away, she thought about how nice it was for her to take that responsibility for a bit. Leni knew she was gonna get it back, but for now, there was a sense of...right coming from her Mom taking the wheel.

Now it was time for the next great challenge.

Helen was in the usual spot. Leni slowly slipped around the corner. Suddenly, what had been a casual encounter turned into a trip to the principal's office. She tensed up. One of her hands nervously gripped her limp arm, as if it were armor protecting her from whatever was to come.

Leni knew she shouldn't be this nervous. This was Helen, her friend. And from what she could gather, nothing was bothering her.

This was a matter where she realized the best way to proceed was to "rip off the band aid". Maybe if she just went up and started talking to her friend, these butterflies would get out of her tummy (they weren't food and they knew it). Leni nodded her head, accepting the nature of the situation. All she had to do now was walk.

And walk she did. Leni pried the hand off her arm to look at least somewhat natural, but no smile could have been bothered to grow. Not wanting that fact to deter her, she thought about her feet. Just one step after another. Helen was gonna hear her any moment now.

"Good morning, Leni."

She froze. Leni still couldn't understand why she was so nervous. Helen was right there. Nothing in her voice was judgmental or bitter. It was like Leni was a new student at the school, struggling to find her way around the building (and social norms).

"Hi," Leni answered. She then glanced at the floor, finding some comfort in the near lines running along and across the tile.

Helen looked at her friend, peculiar from her demeanor. Not that Leni could tell anyway. Aside from a few brief glances, she barely found the courage to be so close to her. Didn't she know she was only making Helen nervous? This was her friend, after all. They have literally done this routine for years without trouble.

"Is everything alright?" Helen asked.

Just as she feared. Leni tensed up as she forced herself to keep her eyes squarely on Helen. The girl was so patient it was crazy. Leni, meanwhile, silently breathed through her nose, trying to get her act together.

"Yeah, you know," Leni said, but her voice trailed off before anything else could come out.

"That's good," Helen answered.

The two shared several awkward looks. Leni felt it was unfair that she had come to view her friend this way, as if she were too scary to be approachable. Whatever happened to those easygoing days of _Princess Pony_?

"We missed you this past week," Helen said.

"Oh..." was all Leni could scrap together (at least at first).

Come on. She knew she had to explain herself. Helen deserved an explanation. It wasn't like she could pretend it never happened. They both knew it.

"Well, things happened and, like, I'm sorry," Leni said slowly.

"Sorry?"

"Yes," Leni continued, "I feel bad for putting you through that and...um..."

No. Leni knew she couldn't say it. Helen was sad enough as it was; the last thing she needed was more stress, more reason to think her friend wasn't a fun person to be around. She shuddered at that terrible image.

"Yes?" Helen asked.

Well, Leni found no point in hiding it. As much as despised the hideous truth, she knew she couldn't hide from it. Besides, Leni knew she dug herself right into its path with that phrasing.

"I just want you to know that, like, you're my bestest friend in the whole world," Leni said frankly, "and I'm worried that you might not like me now that I'm weird and stuff."

"I don't think you're weird."

After the tizzy she put herself under just to get to this point, relief was an inevitable feeling. So too was doubt. Maybe Helen just said that because she had to, that it would have been rude to let that self-deprecating remark slide. Leni was tempted to just leave it at that, that it didn't accurately reflect her friend's real thoughts.

But then she remembered Mom's advice. This was just her doubt speaking to her again, to try and bog her down. Leni realized this was her friend she was talking to. If Helen really thought she was weird or unloveable, then she would have gone away by now. As hard as it was for her to accept, there did come a point where one's presence really did indicate affection.

"Thanks," Leni said softly.

She knew it wasn't gonna be that easy. There were gonna be many times (far too many to count) where she would have to remind herself of this. But she knew she had others willing to help.

"So how about the Fashion Show?"

Leni shook her head as she tried bringing herself back to reality.

"I still wanna do it with you," Helen said, smiling.

Her eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Of course."

She didn't know what to say. There was nothing else Leni wanted to hear than her friend acknowledge her own self-worth. Helen truly was beautiful. The whole point of her being in the Fashion Show was so that others could see that (plus it would be fun to have a friend involved). The smile she formed on her face was uncontrollable. As was the hug Leni gave Helen.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Leni exclaimed, huddled down beside her friend.

"I really like your dress and I would like to wear it," she heard Helen say.

Yes. Of course. Leni had designed that dress specifically for Helen. Sure, it wasn't done, but there was time. There was such an abundance of time that Leni knew she would have it be the most perfect dress imaginable for such a perfect friend.

* * *

The dress looked even better on a person than a hanger. Leni smiled as she stared straight on at Helen. The two of them stood in the stage's wing waiting. Despite the lack of natural light, the few inklings of spotlight reflected beautifully on her friend. After all this time, Leni knew this is what her friend needed.

"You look great," Leni eagerly whispered.

"Thanks," Helen muttered nervously.

That had to be it, Leni thought. Her friend just had stage fright. And luckily, she had an idea to resolve it.

Leni took Helen's hand and grasped it. The transformation defied the dimness in which it occurred. Leni saw her friend's eyes light up and her face relax instantaneously. She was forced to recognize that this was her doing, that her own action had calmed her friend's nerves.

 _"You'll be great,"_ Leni said mentally. She hoped it would somehow permeate from her mind to Helen's, as if their connected hands was the bridge capable of letting the message travel. Would she get it?

For the most part, the show went according to plan. Each model got on stage on schedule wearing the right outfit. There were (thankfully) no malfunctions. The spotlight easily followed each person's predictable movements, allowing whatever sequin or sparkle that was on a given dress to sparkle. As each person finished, Leni whispered "Good job". Sometimes, she even complimented it with a pat on the back.

They deserved it after all. Even though she was left with a silly name (President), Leni knew that these folks were the true backbone of the club. As Leni watched each of them, she formulated a specific accomplishment that they achieved. Morgan made threee dresses, including her own. Eliza did much of the promotion for this specific Show and even helped sell tickets. Cynthia crafted a stunning white dress (which earned a standing ovation) and even got a bunch of her friends to purchase tickets. When it all broke down, Leni knew her own role was limited. For the most part, she signed off on ideas put forward by other people. Even now, she knew that Tyler was in the back regulating the lineup.

Her biggest job at this point was encouraging Helen. This was the moment that Leni had talked her into. She told her friend that she would be great out there. And she believed every word of it. The purple and yellow dress she constructed was divine, just the thing Leni knew was gonna accentuate everything that made Helen wonderful (her brown hair, her serenity, her gentle grace). Now, it was just keeping her confidence up. That was the type of friend Leni could be.

"And now, for our last act," the announcer said, "not all beauty races out into a fiery display."

Leni gripped her friend's hand. She gave her a glance and a warm smile. Luckily, Helen's lips curled into a smile of her own. It was brilliant.

"Sometimes, it comes in a gradual, elegant metamorphosis. It grows with nurturing from the sun and blooms into a simple, graceful flower. Its strength comes from tranquility, its ability to inspire us while easing us into accomplishing whatever we set out to do. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Helen Yates."

Surprisingly, it was Helen who took the first step. Leni felt herself being dragged on by her friend, but she didn't mind. This was exactly what she had anticipated. While Leni tried her best to subdue herself, she couldn't help but keep her head fixed on Helen as she edged out onto the stage. The applause popped her ears.

She watched as her friend halted at the center. Leni tried leaning forward to catch a glimpse at her face. Helen was awestruck. Her eyes shone spectacularly against the spotlight. The outline it crafted around her brown locks was stunning. Helen was too shocked to smile or do anything. She just gazed out into the sea of cheering people.

Leni pondered why. Wasn't Helen happy? The applause said it all. Right? Maybe deep down, she was grateful. Helen wasn't one for being in crowds, even when she was with her friend. Maybe she was just being modest. After all, Helen also wasn't one for showboating or resorting to grand gestures.

Nonetheless, Leni gave her friend a pat on the back. Helen turned to her. She still wasn't smiling. The stage had done its job at keeping her humble. But now that she caught a straight shot of those eyes, the picture became clear.

They were far more cozy and relaxed than Leni had ever seen them. There was a peace, a liberation at work in that reserved mind of her's. While Leni wasn't looking, she felt her hand being touched by that familiar warm palm. The contact was soothing, devoid of any fear-induced tension. Helen truly was at peace.

And it was then that Leni saw the wonderful beauty of yellow at work.

The two pulled in for a hug, inciting even more cheering. Leni blushed, realizing that was her doing. Her friend was finally seeing the love she rightfully deserved. And maybe Leni was starting to recognize something similar to that.

* * *

As Leni got closer to the front door, she wished she had Helen to help her out. Her heart sped up, her head grew light, and the mere presence of her family made her uncomfortable. What type of questions were they asking? Sure, they had given her nice things to say about the Show. In Lana's words, it took a lot of guts to get up on stage wearing a dress. But Leni knew where the real guts were.

Once they all entered and dispersed, Leni retreated to her bedroom. As she raced up the stairs, she didn't even bother to look behind her. After all, almost none of them had been told of this special day (or the thing that really made it special).

She slipped the bedroom door shut and opened up her phone. Her fingers twitched, turning the usually easy process of getting past the lock screen a tedious chore. Leni fudged the security code twice due to a slip of the thumb. She couldn't help it, though. Her shortness of breath and complete mental preoccupation limited her ability to do something "simple".

Eventually (which was practically an understatement), Leni got the phone open. She raced straight to her email and updated it. It took several moments (with bated breath and a slow connection) for the new emails to pop up. Leni expected two messages and her inbox announced that many unread pieces of mail.

First was Central Michigan University. Out of the three schools she applied to, this one was most like a regular school, the kind that Lori went to. Mom and Dad suggested that she apply to it as a "safety schoool", the kind that didn't have a large slew of fashionistas and designers competing for few spots. After looking into it, the campus looked pretty. It was nice and away from the big city, a fact that Leni admired. And most importantly, even though it wasn't a specialty school, it had a program in fashion design, so she could learn whatever there was to learn while getting a college education.

Leni eagerly opened the email.

 _"Dear Leni M. Loud,_

 _Congratulations! You have been offered admission at Central Michigan University."_

The letter continued for several paragraphs, but the message was perfectly clear.

She didn't know what to think. Despite having mediocre grades, she somehow got into college. Leni eagerly grinned as she dug her free hand into her cushy mattress. A lot of her anxiety melted away into the still air. Maybe it was the letters of recommendation that helped her out, or her title as "Fashion Club President". Either that, or Mom's help really elevated her essay. Leni knew Mom was a good writer, but this was all too much.

Now, it was time to look at the other school.

The other school was the Parsons School of Design. Situated in the heart of New York, it quickly popped out to Leni as one of the premier fashion schools in the country. While she wasn't a city dweller, Leni was more than happy to apply to the school. If it meant getting a top of the line education with access to the best internships, then it was worth swallowing her personal preferences. Needless to say, admission was competitive (hence why her parents urged her to apply to Central Michigan).

Leni was hesitant to open this email. That brand name flashed on her phone screen, sending shivers down her spine. She knew she wasn't good enough for this top school. There were far more fish in the ocean than she could count, particularly when it came to young, ambitious fashion designers (that loved the big city). She knew she held it off in order to avoid the inevitable.

Well, as Lori likes to say.

She popped open the email and scrolled to the decision letter.

 _"Dear Leni M. Loud,_

 _Thank you for your interest in the Parsons School Of Design. After careful consideration of your application, I am sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place in the class of 2022."_

Similar to the other letter, the subsequent paragraphs were redundant.

Leni wasn't sure how to feel. She knew this was gonna happen, that no amount of self-flattery was gonna magically change that.

And yet, that was it. Normally, she would have expected the voice to creep its way into her head and ruin her sleep. Leni was supposed to hate herself, that she was nothing. She knew that she hadn't entirely gotten past that. There were still days when she mocked herself, belittled what pathetic "accomplishments" she could muster together. And this was certainly the king of failures.

Was she starting to get better? Was this just because she already knew her future was secure? Did Helen find her way into her room and tell her it was alright?

Whatever the explanation was, Leni didn't wish to look too deeply into the matter. She got two letters, one of them an acceptance. She was willing to accept that at face value and celebrate her little victory.

And no voice (or lack thereof) was gonna spoil it.


	51. Get Up

"Lake Superior State?"

Until now, Leni has never even heard of that school. How could she have gone this long without learning? Helen had scarcely brought it up. But alas, there was a shiny brochure that came with her acceptance letter. Leni leafed through it as she heard her friend talk.

"Yup," Helen said as she sat on her bed, "it has a pretty nice English program. Plus I visited it and it seemed pretty nice."

She didn't blame her. Looking at the pictures, it was a nice campus situated in a secluded corner of the country. If Leni had known about it sooner, she would have applied. She couldn't believe she didn't even ask ahead of time about it.

"It's so far away. It's all the way up in the arm," Leni said as she peeled at a map included in the brochure, "The arm!"

In her years, Leni never remembered being up in Michigan's arm. All her life, she has only known the oven mitt of Michigan. Even Central Michigan, as far from Royal Woods as it was, was still in that vast landmass.

"I know..." Helen said slowly, her head lowering, "I'm sorry."

"No no no," Leni said, shaking rapidly, "Don't be! I'm happy for you."

She felt her face heat up. Leni was embarrassed that she came across as angry. That wasn't what the feeling was. It was more...other things, ones that were outside her friend's control. It wasn't poor Helen's fault that they would be going to different schools. Nor could she blame her for being excited about it. The fact was that they were doing different things, had different needs, and had different eyes.

"Thanks," Helen answered nervously. She slowly rocked her body back and forth. Her eyes were still focused on the ground, unable to meet eye contact with her friend, "I just..."

"It's okay," Leni blurted out. She dropped the brochure and crawled up to Helen, "I'm glad you got into a school you wanted. Please don't be sad."

Helen gradually leaned over to her, revealing her face piece by piece. Thankfully, she didn't cry. That was always a fear of Leni's (one that never lost its fervor). She sighed in relief, knowing that her friend wasn't that devastated. Still, there remained a tinge of sadness in those beautiful eyes. And as long as it stood there on display, they were bound to bother Leni, bugging her like a pair of fuzzy leg warmers.

"I know. I-I just didn't want to make you upset," Helen said softly, her eye contact wavering. Leni, though, focused intently, pining for each word her friend chose to reveal, "But I will miss you. This wasn't an easy choice for me to make."

Leni vigorously nodded.

"I'm totes gonna miss you too."

Finally, their gazes matched each other's. The two silently stared at each other. What were they gonna do now? The first thing Leni thought of was a hug. Who didn't like hugs after all? And given the regret that clouded over Helen, she looked like she needed one. In fact, it was so obvious that Leni was shocked that she wasn't already doing it.

Not wanting to further delay the inevitable, Leni leaned in, wrapping her arms around her friend's waist. Scarcely a moment went by before she felt a similar wrapping force engulf her as well.

As Leni looked at the wall in Helen's room, one burning thought seared its way to the forefront. Why didn't she plan ahead of time? Did Lake Superior State have a fashion program too? If it did, she was more than willing to transfer just to be with her friend.

"I'm sorry," Leni said mechanically, betraying the utter conviction she felt in her heart, "if you want, I can transfer."

"Oh," Helen said sadly. Leni trembled upon hearing that, compelling her to rub her friend's back. Instead of feeling better, she couldn't hear anything. It was like the hug was the only means of communication between the two. Mute talking, in which uncertain thoughts were exchanged telepathically.

"You don't have to do that," she heard Helen say, "I wouldn't want to make you sad or anything."

"But what about you?" Leni asked, "wouldn't you want me to, like, be at the same school so we could still be best friends?"

Her eyes widened as that terrible thought reared its ugly friend. Being all alone on a big campus, not being able to connect with anyone. And Helen fading from her life, never to be seen or heard from again. Leni gripped her friend even tighter, hoping that basic gesture would keep her special gift around.

"Leni, we can still be friends. We can text and call each other," she heard Helen say.

That was true. Leni very much cherished her texts with Helen. Despite the ever shrinking storage on her phone, she never dared delete any of her conversations with her friend. Her responses, insights, and general "Helen"-ness was priceless, never to be disposed of. Leni smiled just thinking about that marathon-length thread of back and forth.

"Yeah..." Leni said, letting her voice peeter away.

Right now, she didn't want to say anything else. Her throat tightened the more she thought about colleges. Even if she decided not to go at all, Helen still would have and the problem would have persisted. She scolded herself for not being happy for Helen. This was meant to be her special day, for her to talk about how excited she was to know where her next four years was.

And Leni spoiled it. Ruined it by opening up a can of worms that both were aware about (and neither were willing to face). Leni sighed, trying to swallow her emotions.

Should she be honest? Surely a lot has already been exposed, but was it fair to drive the knife in even further? Helen already felt bad enough as it was. But so did Leni herself. Why was life so confusing?

Instead, Leni continued to rub her friend's back.

"I'm proud of you," was all Leni could say.

A pause.

"You too."

* * *

She didn't know how it was possible, but Leni had somehow gotten all her siblings into the living room together. To some extent, she wanted to credit it to her own efforts. After all, she did want them all in the same space for today. Just for once. She even told them that she had wanted them down there to hang out. Here they were, following her heed.

And yet, Leni also couldn't help but feel that such cooperation was inevitable. After being cooped up in the House all day being under Leni's supervision, everyone was eager for the special moment. After four long arduous months, Lori was coming home for the summer.

The same thing had happened in December when Christmas was looming. All of them (especially Leni herself) were anxious to be reunited with their oldest sister, to see how College life has changed her, and what type of stories she brought back. Overhearing Lana and Lola, Leni learned that the twins were also wondering if her sister was kind enough to bring back souvenirs from Chicago. To be fair, if she were their age, Leni probably would have expected the same if the idea were planted in her head.

Before long, the headlights flashed through the window. Everyone perked up as the signal became perfectly clear. A minute later, the front door opened revealing the three oldest members, the third of which held a single cardboard box.

All the others crowded around Lori, fighting for the ability to hug or be heard. Leni was late to the punch, relegating her to the very back. That didn't stop her from extending her arms out, hoping to reach her. Lori herself was flustered from all the sudden attention. A shy smile emerged between her blushing cheeks. If she wasn't holding a box, she would have enveloped all of them in a warm embrace, showing her gratitude for their love.

"Give her some space," Lynn Sr. heartily interjected.

Thankfully, everyone yielded, allowing Lori to ease her way upstairs. It was only then that Leni noticed that Mom and Dad were also carrying boxes. Seeing that raised an eyebrow. Knowing her big sister, there's no way Lori only had three boxes of stuff with her; when they dropped her off in August, they had a whole trailer. Curious, Leni peeked out the window. Sure enough, the trailer was there, attached to Vanzilla. That was weird. Why would they rent out that thing just for three boxes?

Leni followed her parents upstairs. She heard the others trailing behind, eager to learn more about their big sister. Who could blame them after all?

Mom and Dad were in and out of the bedroom, purely there to drop off the single boxes they carried. Leni slipped into the room, watching Lori plop herself on the bed. Her frazzled hair and beat face told more than the hundreds of miles of the Midwestern section of the interstate, the untold number of rest stops, and whizzing farmland.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the others crowded in. Leni was aware of how selfish it was to want Lori all to herself, but that didn't subside that feeling. Here was her ultimate judge, the one that could assess her performance. She had been anxious for this day to arrive.

"It was fine," Lori said.

"Did you bring anything back for us?" Lana asked eagerly.

"Yeah! I wanna know!" Lola interjected.

"It's in Vanzilla with the other stuff. We'll haul it in tomorrow," Lori answered tiredly.

"Ya see any rad musicians down there?" Luna asked.

"Well there was one time where I...uh, went down and saw-"

"Forget that! I wanna know if people actually root for the Bears down there," Lynn jumped in, bouncing on the bed. To think that she was a teenager.

"Now I know Chicago ain't New York or L.A," Luan cut in, "But I was wondering if there's any talent down there or if they get _blown_ away."

Even Leni knew that wasn't a joke at all.

What followed was a cacophony of incoherent noise. Most of the kids competed for their inquiry to be addressed. Lori pinched her nose, probably from the simmering headache. And Leni was just confused. Who should she listen to? Was her input worth it at this point?

"Kids!"

Somehow, Dad's voice resonates through the House. Everyone paused and turned to the door. There he was, with bags under his own eyes. Leni swallowed, nervous that her own actions had angered him.

"How about we all get to bed," he said much more gently, "I'm sure you're all tired."

Each of the siblings turned to each other. The truth was that Leni wasn't tired herself (or at least, she didn't think she was). Of course, she couldn't speak on behalf of anyone else.

But apparently, everyone else got the message. Leni could only think that they were tired too, so exhausted that they didn't even know how sleepy they were. Now that they got that simple reminder, they beefed out. Some exchanged a few words with each other (their voices being awfully active given their "sleepiness") as they slowly exited the room. Leni sat at the edge of her bed as she watched them.

Dad stood in the doorway, insuring that the others filed out of their room. He turned to Lori and cast her a warm hearty grin. It was the type of affirmation that Leni herself exhibited (along with the siblings who would now have to wait until morning to catch up). Once everyone else cleared out, Dad nodded his head.

"Good night girls," he said gently, "we're glad to have you all back."

And just like that the door eased its way shut. Leni didn't know what she should have expected. A part of her thought that Lori was gonna somehow burst out into conversation, give her insights and ask questions meant specifically to arouse her. Her big sister was pretty good at getting her to open up. But she also saw quite clearly that Lori was sprawled across her bed, barely able to lift a finger.

If Leni spoke up, was she gonna regret it? Was there gonna be a groan or snide remark that painted the mistake in bold ink? But on the other hand, this is the first time they've been in the same room in so long. To hear her voice again would have been special. What to do, Leni asked herself.

"How have you been?"

She shook her head. Did that just happen? Leni had thought her big sister was gonna just fall asleep right there, regardless of whether the light was on or not. But now that Lori had spoken, Leni knew she couldn't keep her waiting; her patience must have been really short.

"Good...everything's been fine," Leni answered simply. Now, she was confronted with the question of whether to join her sister in her own bed. It might have been easier for Lori to hear her responses and see her face. And besides, it was kinda like how people were supposed to have conversations, where the talkers were close and making eye contact. Since Lori lacked the strength to turn her head to the other side of the room, it was incumbent on Leni to pull the extra weight.

And Leni did stand up. She had barely done anything (as usual) aside from sit around and occasionally give suggestions to her sisters. Who knew what trials and tribulations Lori had endured just in the past two weeks, let alone the hours she spent driving back home.

"Um..." Leni said nervously, "the House didn't fall apart."

Nothing.

"So there's that..."

Slowly, Lori lifted herself into a sitting position. Her tense back resisted being placed in this unsupported posture, but it did mean that her big sister could make eye contact with Leni. It was difficult to parse how Lori felt to hear that clumsily constructed saying.

"Are you mad at me?" Leni asked.

"No," Lori said groggily, "I'm just tired."

"Did you want to go to sleep?"

"Not yet."

The two looked at each other. What did Lori want her to say? Did she want affirmation that her advice had worked out or disappointment waiting to meld into the former? After all that had happened, was Lori eager to take back her post as babysitter? Was Leni just a placeholder for her? If so, Leni knew she failed at living up to Lori's example.

"Mom told me about you," Lori said, "She told me everything and...I'm proud of you."

"Really? I did good?"

Ignoring the erroneous grammar, Lori mustered up a grin with her tired cheeks and weary eyes.

"Yes Leni, you did just fine," Lori said softly. Inevitably, Leni teacher out her hand and placed it on her sister's tense shoulder. As if by the whim of a good skin cream, Lori relaxed. Almost instantly, the unconditional sisterly love radiated across her exhausted body, making that grin easier to maintain, "how do you feel? Do you feel any better?"

She practically tripped on the carpet. How could someone like her answer that question without having an outside observer? Leni wanted to say yes, to assuage any concerns her sister might have. She also wanted to say yes to herself, to prove to herself that she had overcome a struggle and moved on. But even with the progress she has made, how could she know for sure?

Lori's brightening eyes demanded a response. They wanted relief from the long journey and unknown amount of speculation preceding it. Leni had an inkling that she wasn't the woman she was even a couple of months ago. The voice desperately wanted an excuse to pop back in her life.

Leni inhaled.

"I...think so," she answered.

Even with the uncertainty inherent in her voice, that did little to damage the already present fire in Lori.

"That's all that matters. I think you have changed, but if you think you have too, then you're getting better," Lori said.

And then, despite everything that had happened just minutes before, Lori managed to stand on her own two feet and give Leni a hug. Leni figures she should have done her role instead of place the physical exertion on her sister, but the hug was nice. Wonderful even.

When was the last time she felt that, Leni asked. If the evidence was anything to go by, it spoke volumes. It's been a really long time since her heart felt like a warm fireplace on a calm evening. And when the glow was so beautiful and the feeling so serene, uncertainty didn't bother.

* * *

Leni hummed yet another _Princess Pony_ song to herself. If there was anything she was glad about, it was that her Mom couldn't recognize it as such. To the outside observer, it was just a song she was making up on the spot. Besides, she couldn't help it.

She eagerly sat in a chair in the dining room, trying to keep herself still while Mom did her hair. After a nice shower, it was nice to feel the iron run through her locks. At some points, Leni even closed her eyes to envision herself at Aloha Beach.

"Do you know what time Pop Pop will be here?" She heard Dad ask.

"I told you, he's gonna meet us at the school," Mom replied.

"Got it!"

And just like that, Mom returned to her business. Row after row, lock by lock, Leni felt the damp warmth spread across her coiffure. Once it was done, it was bound to look dazzling.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Mom asked.

"Great!" Leni replied.

"Good," she said calmly. Mom ran through yet another lock, silently straightening out the frizz, "have I told you how proud I am of you?"

Leni couldn't help but nudge her head forward. Thankfully, it was barely enough to affect her mother's work. However she couldn't help it.

"Of course Mom," she said. Leni paused, thinking that her Mom would respond to that. But yet, several seconds passed without any words. That was odd, "Why do you ask?"

That question felt even more uncomfortable coming out of her mouth. So abrupt and so delayed. Yet Leni couldn't help it. There was a deep part of her that needed to know where that question came from.

"I'm just wondering. But it's true," Mom said, "every day, I think about you and everything you've accomplished. I wanted to let you know about that."

This wasn't right. Whether real or imagined, Leni sensed an inkling of sadness in Mom's voice. It was an utter shame that she had to remain looking forward, unable to confirm her suspicions. At this point, the only thing she could judge was the way the iron ran through her hair. Each lock was handled so neatly and cleanly that it was hard to produce any emotion based on it.

Then Leni wondered whether she should just drop it altogether. Tonight was supposed to be a fun night for everyone. And if last year was any indication, Mom was bound to tear up at some point. After all, the last thing she needed was another reason to cry because of her.

But then she remembered the advice that Mom had been trying so desperately to hammer in for the past several months: to be more open. If Leni was being encouraged to express her feelings, then the same should go for Mom. After all, she was a person too (perfect, even). Her Mom deserved to be heard, no matter what it was she was dealing with.

"Is there, like, something wrong?" Leni asked.

Several seconds elapsed, as was usual. Leni wanted to think that Mom was just busy on a lock or was trying really hard to find words for her feelings. Yeah, that had to be it. Leni knew that after all this mess, she wouldn't say no if she meant well. And she did. Every step of the way was paved with good intentions.

Eventually, she heard a sigh.

"You know I'm worried about you, honey," Mom said. At this point, she put down the iron and picked up a can of spray, "I want you to see that you're special and that you should be just as proud of everything you've done as I am. This is a day your father and I have been waiting for ever since you were little. Of course, we never doubted that you could get to this point, but it truly was an uphill battle. I've seen you struggle and push far more than any child should be expected to."

She then pressed down on the spray. A large cloud of particles consumed the area. Leni clenched her lips shut to avoid getting the yucky stuff in her mouth.

"And there are times where I feel like you don't give yourself enough credit for that," Mom continued, allowing the suffocating substance to dissipate, "And...you know, I wanna check in, make sure everything is alright. Not much to it."

"Okay."

As Mom sprayed yet another coat of spray on her hair, Leni couldn't help but process that response. What else was she expecting to hear? Mom has been driving that home too (for years in fact). Sure, it was somewhat connecting with her, but those words still only did so much. Leni often saw the work of Dr. Henry and others as far away, too detached from current events to be relevant.

And what came out of their efforts?

"Close your eyes, honey," Mom said as she held the spray can in front of her face. Leni obliged and squeezed both her eyes and lips shut. She imagined her face was tighter than a lemon (or when she has one in her mouth).

Clearly, something good must have come out of that work. She learned to talk. Socializing (while still an acrobatic feat) was now easier. She didn't think as many people pitied her as they used to. And even her Mom's praise wasn't as much a cry for help as it had once been. For once, Leni had convinced herself it was real.

So that was it? Now she was over the mountain and could be a braggart? Heavens no, she thought. Leni had always feared letting her ego get out of check and she wasn't about to pat herself on the back until she drove others away. Besides, there were still a number of problems facing her.

Finding answers to tough questions hasn't gotten any easier for her (she always admitted that). Despite thinking about it all the time, Leni still hasn't figured out how to make herself photogenic on cue (instead, others had to take pictures around her doing other things). Her smile was still far too stilted and unnatural for her to be content with it (and having it plastered along the staircase didn't help matters). As much as she priced herself in her skills as a designer, Leni knew there was still a lot to learn. Her performance as a friend still needed work.

And if she really wanted to, Leni could have spent the whole evening breaking down her lingering imperfections. At this rate, she was well on her way to doing just that.

"Alright, you can open up now!"

Leni fluttered her lids, allowing her to see the light. Thankfully, the only trace of the spray remaining was the muted scent. Mom really had done her work.

"Did you want some lipstick, honey?" she heard.

Makeup. That was still an interesting concept for her. Even after all her Mom's "lessons", Leni still had reservations about using it. Eyeliner was painful to put on without tearing up. Lipstick left the temptation to get the stuff in her mouth, tasting its yuckiness. And anything on her cheeks made her worry about accidentally using her hands to prop her hand (she didn't want the powder to get stuck on her palms). Hair was different, Leni felt. With that, products made it soft and comfortable.

Overall, it was tough being Lori (and a lot of girls her age). Inevitably, Leni shook her head.

"Okay."

Now that all the necessary hair stuff was taken care of, there was only one step left. Leni leaned towards the table and grabbed a long white gown. Inevitably, it wasn't her's; Lori had to pass it down for this special evening. Not that she minded, of course. It was just what it was supposed to be: right color, right fabric, and it certainly gave off the right vibes.

Getting it on was surprisingly easy. Most gowns or dresses required two people to ensure that everything lined up just right. But this one practically fell on her, easily resting on her shoulders. Unable to access a mirror, Leni was left to gaze at the robe from above. It wasn't ideal, but it was nice.

And then, of course, there was the mortarboard. While she lamented how it would affect the top part of her scalp, Leni recognized it as necessary. Lori wore it (and everyone else there is gonna have it on), so therefore she too must wear it. She plopped it on its side and squished it onto her head.

"Oh honey, let me fix it."

Mom jumped in and completely readjusted it. Even though it swished around her hair, the tip of the cap ended up pointing forward, directly above her forehead. It was ready.

Before Leni could even stand up, her Mom had taken a step back. A hand clasped over her mouth. Leni felt it was improper to just stand up now. After all, her Mom seemed like she had something important to say. What was it, though?

"I love you honey," Mom said, her hand muffling her voice.

"I love you too, Mom," Leni said.

She even chuckled just to lighten the mood.

* * *

By the time they arrived at Royal Woods High, there was hardly a parking spot left on the lot. Leni convinced her Dad to drop her off while they searched for an open spot, leaving her to wander into the school. Luckily, she remembered the meeting place for the graduating seniors: the gymnasium.

As she walked down the sidewalk, Leni took some time to take in her surroundings. Unlike most days, the walkway had a tall, impenetrable wall of cars running entirely along one side. Even though the sun hung in the sky, the clouds were gradually turning orange and white light was diluting the solid blue sky. Groups of all sizes were approaching the school from every direction (even behind her). It was a perfect evening for the ceremony. How fitting the weather was, Leni thought.

Whereas the families were congregating in the football field, Leni separated from the masses. Not forgetting the plan, she popped into the school. While she knew it was gonna be quiet in the halls, the silence popped her ears the moment the doors shut behind her. No one was in transit or lingering about. Worried that she was late, Leni hastily raced up to the gym. As she paced, the halls raced by her, the mixed feelings of boredom and nostalgia failing to catch up with her.

But at last, she made it inside. Talk about opposites. Practically everyone was already packed in the gymnasium, creating a sea of red and white. Leni tensed up as she saw the endless clusters of classmates taking pictures, giving tokens of friendship, and having the time of their lives. Of course, Leni knew she had a place to be and she was gonna find it.

She wandered through the crowd, wading past acquaintances and exchanging rushed hellos. Leni found it most difficult to squeeze by tight spaces. The only way to get by was to raise her voice when it was often lost in the mixture of conversations. Why was everyone else so loud, she asked herself. The answer was impossible for her preoccupied mind to figure out.

As she looked back and forth, she eventually came upon her destination. Against one of the walls was Helen, adorned in her own white gown. Leni thought she was absolutely stunning. Once she knew where to go, Leni was more aggressive in getting past the acquaintances, exploiting even narrow cracks between one group and another. None of that mattered of course because Helen was there, waiting for her.

"Hi!" Leni shouted.

Immediately, her friend's face transformed.

"Hi, Leni," she said sweetly.

And so it was set. She didn't even know what time they united, but that didn't matter. The first thing that popped in Leni's mind was her thoughts on the upcoming episode of _Princess Pony_. Sure, it wasn't all that momentous given the circumstances that awaited them, but it was enough. Helen chuckled at Leni's inquiries and she smiled when she heard her friend open up with her insights.

In many ways, it was just like any other conversation they've had before. No special gowns, future expectations, or ignored farewells were gonna get in the way of their hangout.

Not even the topic of college came up. It was nice for things to finally return to normal, to see Helen not have a care in the world. For once, they could relax and enjoy each other's company (plus, there was the whole summer).

Of course, nothing good lasted long. While Helen was speaking, the principal's voice rang out across the large space. In the dying canopy of noise, calls were made to organize, to line up in an orderly fashion. Leni and Helen turned to each other as they got into their positions. Thankfully, they were able to be right next to each other.

For the most part, the sloppy profession from the gym to the football field was without note. While Helen and Leni occasionally exchanged comments, they mostly focused on moving forward (the last thing either of them wanted was to hold up the line).

In the end, the logistics didn't matter all that much.

As Leni and Helen proceeded onto the football field, they were greeted with hundreds of cheering parents, friends, relatives, teachers, and administrators. Despite all the distinctions that passed by Leni on her walk in, it was only now that they truly registered in her mind. This fanfare cast against the setting sun made it clear that this was a milestone.

After tonight, she would no longer be at this place she called school for four years. Long days defined largely by confusing classes, fun Fashion Club meetings, satisfying hangouts with Helen, and sprinkled spurts of surprises. Sometimes, she thought about all those shows on TV that were about high school, how it was about boyfriends and gossip and bullying and fighting. It was interesting to realize that her own experience was meant to be the same, and yet it had very little of those typical bumps. Helen and her family was all that mattered for a social life. She spent more time worrying about the Fashion Club than those characters did on dating. It was tempting to doubt whether Leni truly was a high schooler at all or if she were just a loser.

It was easy to think the latter, especially in moments where she was all by herself. But this was not one of those times. Music blared out in all directions, Helen was right behind her, and she was sure her family was somewhere in the crowd. Leni turned to the bleachers, where countless spectators clapped, smiled, and waved at the swarm of soon-to-be graduates. Where were they, Leni asked. Did Dad find a parking spot? Could they see anything? Were they even on this side of the field?

The questions fizzled away as she reached the midpoint. Crowded against the front wall of the bleachers was everyone. Her big sister Lori, all eight of her little sisters, Mom, Dad, Aunt Ruth, Pop Pop, and Linky (surprisingly enough). As if their faces weren't indication enough, they settled themselves under a towering banner reading "Congrats Leni"

"Congrats" for what, Leni pondered. Burning Linky's wrist, not getting into Parsons? Somehow, these thoughts crept back up. What was that silly voice doing at the party? Leni didn't remember inviting her along.

Without waving (or even smiling), Leni found her seat in the procession. Helen sat down next to her. The two turned to each other. She couldn't help but feel a little bad that she had to rain on Helen's parade; her eyes lacked the doubt or nervousness Leni had witnessed too many times. It was good that Helen was happy, that she could go into a space like this without thinking she didn't belong.

If only she were good enough to learn from Helen's example.

A jolt. Peering down, she noticed Helen taking her hand. It was a soothing contact, the kind that Lori was capable of granting (when she was up to it). She barely noticed the absence made from its warm grace. Who was there? Who cares why she left? Now there was Helen, who had once been just as insecure as she was shy. Leni supposed she helped her open up.

"I'm really excited for tonight," Helen said.

Leni was relieved. She couldn't help but smile at her friend's joy. From the hands to that face to those glowing eyes, Leni unchained herself from her living doubt. For now, it seemed her friend enjoyed her presence. As long as they had each other's company (in person or otherwise), everything would be alright. That was Helen's power.

Once everyone was seated, the principal emerged on a podium perched on the center of a stage brought out just for the occasion. The fact that it normally wasn't there only entrenched Leni's view of the evening. No wonder Helen was excited.

"Good evening friends, faculty, guests, family, and relatives," he said elegantly, "and welcome to our Commencement for the Royal Woods Senior High Class of 2018."

Naturally, everyone applauded. Seeing this, Leni chose to clap too.

"Tonight, we celebrate four years of hard work, maturation, and discovery. And I, along with the RWSHS faculty, send off our graduates with the greatest hopes for the future."

Leni turned to Helen. By then, both of them were smiling. They were happy to be so close to each other. Whoever allowed that deserved to be recognized, Leni felt.

Much of the ceremony was spent in those chairs settled amongst the AstroTurf. Administrators came up one after another to deliver their remarks. Occasionally, they tried to use their cellphones to be hip. Cringe-y hashtags were formulated, a class selfie was attempted at one point, and efforts to make snow days sound "rad" were all invoked. The mixed success was clearly established, though Leni always laughed in reaction others chuckling on the few swings that hit the ball.

But it wasn't all grownups. Towards the end, several students took the podium in their gowns to give the Class their own remarks in their "speak". Leni recognized them from countless passings in the hallway. The student body President was cute, she thought. The "sa-Lou-ta-tor-e-in" was some girl she never had class with, but saw every once in a while. From what she could gather, she seemed like a pretty nice girl (even though she never revealed what conditioner she used for those stunning locks). And then there was the "val-la-dick-tor-e-in", another girl. Admittedly, Leni didn't know her as well, but every so often, those thick-rimmed glasses caught her eye. It was a shame they didn't know each other better; if her wardrobe was anything to go by, then she _needed_ a Mall run.

And then, there was the procession. Luckily, everyone seemed to clean up their act from the walk outside and managed to form single-file lines. Leni jumped up as the first row of students rounded their way to the stage. She felt a nudge on her gown.

"It's not our turn yet," Helen said.

"Oh..."

The flustered Leni took her seat.

The two of them watched as the rows came up one at a time. True, they were in the middle of the pack, but that didn't alleviate the wait anymore. To pass the time, Leni decided to talk to Helen.

"So, can you believe that ending to _Mystery Woods_?" Leni asked.

"What part of it?"

"You know, the part where they go in the woods and find out-"

"Now I remember," Helen said. Just like that, her face fired up.

And then they were off. The excited Helen recounted every interaction, every line of dialogue exchanged from that scene onward. It was such a spectacle just watching her friend that Leni didn't dare interrupt her (though she did occasionally answer questions). But this night was prominently about Helen (even though she could also say herself). The time and announced names flew by. In fact, the two of them became embarrassed when they discovered the others in their row urging them to move along to get on the stage.

In light of the moment before them, the two of them stopped their chatter (Helen was the one to stop herself, of course). Now was the time to rein in her focus. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Leni felt a shortness of breath as her friend got closer to the front of the stage. Who knew the horrible storm swarming in Helen's mind, borne of fear, stage fright, and public perception. Just because Leni worked to build her up didn't relieve her of all those pressures. This was far bigger than the Fashion Show. There were no mysteries or anything to hide behind. Poor Helen had to cross that stage all by herself.

"Helen Elizabeth Yates."

The applause felt deafening. Leni herself clapped as she struggled to worry about the clapping. Her ears must have grown. Even within this cheering, she could still hear a butterfly's wings as it fluttered several feet to her left. What was it feeling, she asked.

"Leni Marie Loud."

Just like that, she couldn't hear anything anymore. Even though her body moved mechanically, her entire mental state was paralyzed. The truth was that Leni never liked hearing her own name, especially not when it included "Marie". It never felt right. It was like she had tricked people into thinking she mattered, that she was important. Even now, this was something she couldn't fully come to grips with.

Leni shook hands with the principal and took her plaque, but she was utterly embarrassed. She wished she wasn't on this field, serving as the center of attention. This was what Helen felt to be on stage or in the Fashion Show? It was a cold, chilling reminder that carried with her even as she made her way down.

After receiving her diploma, Leni had to work her way alongside the bleachers in order to return to her seat. And that only meant one thing. The banner swayed back and forth as everyone held either a phone or an old-fashioned camera (Dad, though, had a camcorder with a glowing red light). Seeing them brought her back to reality. It was just the voice again, teasing with her. There was Mom, waving emphatically with one hand while snapping pictures with the other. She shyly waved and gave a small grin just for them. But it didn't tell the whole story. She was glad to see them, that they were there to support her.

In that moment, she mattered. And she believed she did.

As she made her way back to her seat, she was relieved to meet Helen again. Eager to learn the truth, she placed a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" Leni asked.

Helen nodded.

"Yeah. I even saw my parents," she said laconically.

"That's good."

The rest of the ceremony wasn't of note. Leni took some time to examine her diploma: it was a large plaque shaped like the home plate on a baseball field. Her name was etched in super fancy cursive, the kind she thought only smart people got. The white flashes beaming from the stadium lights reflected off the plaque's shiny surface. It was from that that Leni realized that night had fallen.

Soon enough, it was over. At the principal's command, everyone threw their mortar boards in the air, creating a massive crowd of red and white. Trying to mimic them, Leni tossed her own in the air, hoping to stand out amongst the sea. Instead, it flung about several feet outside the collection of chairs, leaving her to awkwardly collect it.

"I saw your parents in the crowd," she heard Helen say as she returned, "if you want, I can leave you to join them."

What? On a night like this. This was her best friend. Even if her last name wasn't "Loud", she was gonna spend time with her as if she were a tenth sister.

Yet somehow, it was the Louds that came to them. An eager Lana climbed the chain link fence onto the field. Luckily, she gleefully landed on the turf and raced to her, nearly tackling her with her iron grip. Lana really was quite the hugger.

Despite minor protests, the family opted for that route. One by one, the family catapulted from the fence, enduring the brief fall. Luna carried Lily while a few others helped Mom, who had insisted on wearing heels. But nonetheless, the entourage did all the work while Leni and Helen watched. Everyone engulfed Leni in the group hug to end all group hugs; even Helen was wrapped into the family embrace.

The obligatory photo session ensued. With a family as large as the Louds, the combinations were endless. One altogether (with Helen as the photo taker), one with just her and Lori, one with her and Linky, one with her and Lily, one with her and the parents. The poor camera was gonna be tuckered out, Leni thought. And those smiles? Well, she was gonna be the judge of those.

The calculus complicated once Helen's parents descended upon the scene. Leni somehow found herself in those pictures as well, upon Jane's urgent request. Not that Leni minded. She loved Helen and wanted to be a part of her life: as best friends.

"Honey," Mom said after one of the pictures, "I saw someone very special that wanted to see you."

"Really? Where is she?"

"I'll show you."

Mom took Leni's hand and guided her down the field. Nodding to her husband, he replied and rallied the remaining members around him. They weren't coming.

As they walked, she noticed Mom's head swiveling around, examining everything from remote corners of the field to the densest spots in the swarm of graduates, high schoolers, and distant relatives. At several points, they erratically shifted direction, leaving Leni disoriented.

"Where are we going?" Leni asked.

"Don't worry...it'll be a surprise," Mom told her.

For the next minute, there was more "aimless" wandering. The two ended up crossing through the crowd, nudging their way past eager grandmas dying for a photo and uncles exchanging cards with their new member of the real world. But none of that deterred Mom. In all her years of knowing her, Leni knew that neither her parents were ever about giving up.

Eventually, Leni noticed her Mom nodding her head again. Alone, with decent separation between well-established groups, was a middle-aged woman with short brown-blonde hair. She wore a modest pair of slacks and a button-up pink dress shirt. The one quirk about her wardrobe was a fuzzy purple vest she wore over it. Normally, Leni was against the type of clothes related to leg warmers, but this was far less tacky. For once, she could say that the "carpet" fabric was endearing.

As they got closer, the woman noticed her. Her face lit up like that warm fireplace (something about it couldn't escape Leni's mind).

"Hello," the woman said enthusiastically. She paced forward to close the gap. Mom eagerly shook the woman's hand, leaving Leni to fill in the cues.

"Leni, do you remember me?" The woman asked, turning to her.

Her eyes widened. She knew her name? Perhaps it made sense, given how her Mom casually introduced herself, as if she was an old buddy. Then again, Leni did know that her name was announced in front of everybody.

But on the other hand, the woman's voice had a tranquility of its own. Not just the type that glazes past most others. Leni felt something just hearing that timbre and seeing the glow in those set of eyes. It flickered something within her, even if she couldn't put it in tangible terms. It irked her how she couldn't conceive of any words or pictures in her mind (other than fire places).

"It's Maddy," the woman said enthusiastically, "I used to come to your House and work with you."

So much for a "first class" education.

However, it all clicked. The static she heard all those years ago, the mythos of this savior pulling her up from the clutches of disability. This was her, not just with a voice, but a face with cheeks and eyes and beautiful white teeth between those excitable lips.

"Isn't this exciting, Leni?" Mom asked, "she flew all the way from Boston just to see you!"

Flights weren't cheap (plus they were scary). Leni blushed, causing the grown ups to chuckle.

"What's wrong? You thought you'd never see me again?" Maddy joked, followed by yet another beaming grin.

Leni, though, didn't know what to do. As if all the pomp and circumstance wasn't enough, she was confronted with this reality. She knew that sooner or later, someone would come back to judge her. Maddy was certainly in for a disappointment.

"Why me?" Leni asked.

"What do you mean?" Maddy asked.

Wasn't it clear? The voice wasn't going away. It couldn't just vanish when she wanted to be happy. Even Mom's smile was starting to falter. She knew it was gonna come. It was just a matter of ripping off the band aid.

"You, like, didn't need to do this," Leni said awkwardly, even offering her palms to sorta act as visual guides, "you could have, like, stayed in Boston and...like."

Even she couldn't say that. Maddy was perfect. There was no way she would ever just forget someone like that. But it was more a matter of it being worth it. Both of them seemed to understand the futility of it all, so Leni repeating it was just annoying.

Instead, Maddy just perked up.

"I knew you since you were three years old, Leni," Maddy explained, her smile never letting up, "I've been talking to your Mom all the time ever since then, even after I moved away. And I never forgot you."

Leni turned to her Mom, who simply nodded her head.

"I wasn't gonna miss this day for the world," she continued, "because I knew that it would be when everything you've worked towards would pay off. I wanted to be a part of your life, where you would blossom into a beautiful, caring, smart woman," she then turned to Rita, "even when my own life got in the way, I still wanted to know what was going on. And now..." she paused, "I can't believe I'm seeing you."

It was Maddy's turn to be flustered, overcome with some great emotional force. But instead of embarrassment and shame, it was...(despite what the voice told her), pride.

Pride was an abstract, something that rarely appeared capable of welling up a pair of old eyes or causing one to choke on their words. The rare occasions where Leni felt a scrap of it, she either smiled, screamed, or did nothing. She didn't think much of it because it was so distant from what her own situation was.

But even though she still didn't have it herself, she saw it manifest (rather than hear or imagine). Maddy truly was a strong figure, someone selfless enough to allow this to develop into something. Then again, something was better than nothing.

"Do you wanna hug?" Leni asked tenderly.

Maddy looked up at her former pupil. The numbers of syllables didn't matter. Nor did the number of sentences or the complexity of the clauses. It was the content, the wonderful sentiments that had been given whatever words they desired to communicate their spirit. And sometimes, simplicity was all one needed.

"Yes please," Maddy croaked.

Wasting no time, Leni hugged the older woman. These past few weeks must have been a record for her. So many people affected just by simple physical contact. Some of it to quell an obnoxious naysayer, others to fix her mistakes.

But all of it captured what she desired, to fix things.

That was, what Leni thought, graduation was about. But she also knew this wasn't the only door left to face before moving onto new horizons.


	52. Just Smile

Leni sat on the couch, leaving Lola to control the TV. It was some reality show about little girls being in pageants. While Lola was the unquestioned "princess", these girls took their craft to the extreme. Their moms would often help them pick out clothes, train them, and coach them in the right for some reason, these moms got mad at their daughters for messing up a curtsie or fought with judges when they gave a less than perfect score to their "little angel".

Regardless of this, Lola seemed pretty engaged with the product. And seeing any one of her sisters happy was enough for Leni.

As she reclined into the back cushion, Mom came through the front door, sorting through a stack of mail. Through the corner of her eye, Leni saw her wander into the dining room while she attended to that task. For Mom, there was no sitting down for this. It was like she forgot there was a comfy couch in the living room (or a wooden chair right next to her).

"Leni, can you come in here?" she heard her announce.

Of course she could. She got up and made the short walk from the living room to the kitchen. Even before she got in the room, she could already see Mom's eager face as she gripped the pile of envelopes. Once she was close, Mom pulled out one from the stack and handed it to her.

"It's for you," Mom explained.

"Thanks!"

Leni examined the front of the white envelope. Her name and address were typed in black ink while there was a special insignia on the top right corner. Her eyes widened as she recognized that familiar logo. Not willing to waste either her's or Mom's time, she ripped open the top and pulled out both a folded sheet of paper and a smaller slip attached to it. Reconfigurating the letter, she read.

 _"Dear Leni,_

 _On behalf of all the students and faculty at Bartholomew's Helpers, I would like to thank you for your years of charity and service. Through your heavy involvement in fundraising efforts, you have given our school over $25,000 to improve the classroom experience. We are deeply grateful for your commitment to enriching the lives of our students and helping our school promote its mission of expanding opportunities and services for all._

 _We are aware that you will be embarking on your own journey this fall. To show our appreciation for all you have done, Bartholomew's Helpers would like to help your education as you have to that of our students. Attached to this letter is a scholarship for $2,000. We hope that this push will aid in your future aspirations and discoveries._

 _Thank you and may you have the best of luck!_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Richard Phillips"_

Peeking under the paper, Leni noticed a check stapled to it. Immediately, Mom's eyes lit up.

"Is that for you?" She asked.

"Yeah," Leni said, "it's from Bartholomew's Helpers."

As she admired her ability to say that complicated name, Leni felt an itch in the back of her brain. But why? Everything was spelt out in the letter. And she was holding it in her hands, so she could go back and re-read.

"That's great," Mom said, grinning, "let's keep it in a nice place, so we don't lose it."

"Uh, yeah."

Leni slid it everything in the envelope, making sure it was precisely how it was folded when she took it out, before handing it to her Mom. Thinking she has completed the interaction, Leni shifted her body towards the living room. The couch was a nice place to think, she thought. It was the best location for the moment.

"You want me to hold onto it?" Mom asked.

She silently nodded, hoping to make her intention clear. Leni didn't trust herself with the money, fearing it would inevitably vanish. As she headed back to the couch, her mind was bent on validating that assertion. Yes, she thought, it would have happened. Even if she was super careful and picked out a special corner just for the envelope, it was gonna get lost. The cause didn't matter (or even need to make sense). It would have just been gone.

But as she sank back into the upholstery, Leni tried to refocus. That wasn't what was itching her brain.

Those kids were better off because of her. Something good for a change. Not even the voice could bring itself to deny that fact. Though it did take a lot of time and energy to get around to that breakthrough. It was easy to forget when much of life was chaos, filled with preparation for the show, applying to college, and not-so-productive efforts ( _self_ -pity being the least among them).

But how exactly were those students now? How exactly did they benefit from her own "charity"? Maybe the teachers got more help so that they could become super-teachers. Or maybe they have more books to read or computers to use. Perhaps a few kids here or there got those special thingies that make them "talk". Those things were pretty cool, Leni thought, even if they weren't an ideal solution.

The ideal solution. Wasn't that the true end goal of all this? If Leni couldn't replace one of the tablets with a human voice, then what was the point? Being able to talk on your own was a power all on its own, one that Leni foolishly takes for granted. But it was special. And even though she knew not every kid in need went to Bartholomew's Helpers...

Leni stood up. She briefly gazed at the TV, show an intense shouting match between two moms. She froze, realizing how abruptly she sprung to her feet. This wasn't gonna be like that other time. Leni took a deep breath, recognizing the purpose she intended to deliver. This was planned. Yes it was. And she was gonna walk out the door to go somewhere.

"I'm heading out, Mom," Leni announced as she paced to the foyer.

"Where are you off to?"

Once again, she froze. She knew, but she didn't know everything. Leni was ashamed that she was just gonna wander off only to realize that it was aimless. Realizing her need, she turned to her mother, who was sitting at the table.

"I want to ask you for a street number," Leni said, inching her way into the kitchen.

"Okay, honey. Who do you wanna see?"

* * *

The neighborhood wasn't that hard to navigate. Now that she knew exactly where she was going, it was easy to look at a house number and know it's not the right one. Leni wasn't in the mood to have to deal with the awkward encounter with some stranger whom she had no business with.

True, she should have known the neighborhood by this point, to have a good sense of who lives at each abode (aside from Helen's) but that was what today was for. Leni was finally gonna go around and learn about her surroundings.

"550," Leni read on a small slip of paper. Looking up, she stumbled upon a yellow house with those numbers beside the front door. This had to be it, she thought.

She stood before the walkway. Now she wished she had brought someone along, to give her that final push to go up and ring the bell. On her own, Leni sensed an invisible wall preventing her from proceeding. Just the thought of ringing the bell and having to start a conversation made her nervous. And yet, the image lingered in her mind.

No, she had to do this. For herself. For him.

After several moments of clearing her mind, Leni made that brave first step. The subsequent paces came easier for her, eventually resulting in a steady walk to the door. Now that she was in motion, she couldn't stop. If she hesitated for even a moment, the wall would have re-emerged and made for an ugly collision. It wasn't until the bell rang through the house that she finally stopped.

Unfortunately, this meant she had to pause. Leni planted her feet into the welcome mat and clasped her hands together. Whatever happened next, it was gonna be something. As much as she wanted to think they would be alright, Leni could only hope. Despite this, she was unprepared when the door opened.

"Leni?" Eileen said excitedly, "Hello! It's very nice to see you."

"Hi," she responded, meekly throwing up a hand. Leni knew she was better than this. This was a terrible start, "um, is Derek home?"

The older woman nodded intensively.

"Oh yes. I'll take you right in," she then took several steps down a corridor beyond the foyer. Leni took this as her cue to step inside, although she halted when Eileen paused and turned around. Rather than get mad at her, she enthusiastically gestures towards end of the hall, "come along!"

She couldn't say no to that. For all the funny vibes she gave off, Leni always concedes that Eileen was nice and a good parent. As her own Mom told her, Eileen loved her Derek deeply and gave whatever she was able to provide to him. That was worthy of something.

A door stood on the left hand side at the end of the hall. Eileen led the way, showing Leni into the living room. Thanks to the door and ways, it was more secluded than what she was used to at her own House. But it had everything a living room was supposed to have: a couch, action figures spread out across the floor, and a TV in the center.

Derek sat on the edge of the couch further from the door. He held a small plastic figure in his hand, struggling to use his fingers to turn it around. His intense gaze was focused purely on that small toy, seeking to learn something new. Leni didn't know much about toys, but she wasn't one to judge. Derek liked them.

But what she also noticed was a tablet on his lap. Leni didn't need an explanation. It was clear right from here that he still used it. That had to be the reason it was just sitting there with the screen off. Deep down, she was forced to admit to herself that this was gonna happen regardless of her efforts. Leni should have known better than to let herself slip into egotism. She wasn't a savior, no matter what some letter said. She was just another person doing her thing. Humbled, Leni kept her eyes on Derek, wondering what exactly he thought of the action figure.

"Derek," Eileen said softly. Her pitch careened up, as if she were talking to Lily. The man dropped the action figure and turned to the two of them, "this is Leni. She went to preschool with you and she's here to see you."

"Hi," Leni said.

After a second to process, Derek picked up the tablet and tapped a solitary finger on it. Leni was patient as he picked out each individual letter.

"Hi Leni," the tablet produced.

She turned to Eileen, Derek's Mom. Wasting no time in what it suggested, Eileen nodded and gestured towards the couch.

"Feel free to sit down," she said.

Accepting the invitation, Leni took a seat on the opposite edge of the couch. She watched as Derek reached to pick up the action figure, which had fallen into his lap. Was now the best time for her to have come? He seemed pretty invested in that piece of plastic, determined to get some fulfillment out of it. Unsure of what to do next, she turned to Eileen, who was observing from the doorway.

"Derek," Eileen said, breaking the silence, "Leni is going to be heading off to college next month. Is there something you wanna say to her?"

Once again, he dropped the action figure, this time landing on the arm of the couch. He slowly picked up the tablet and proceeded to pick out letters. Leni couldn't keep her eyes off him. She wanted to learn something from him, how he handled things. The action figure was pretty nice, she thought, but so did his means of communication.

"That is nice. I am happy at you."

"Thanks," Leni said, playing along. Of course, neither of them knew the half of how she got there. But that was under the bridge and she saw no reason to cause a flood, "What about you? How are you doing?"

Derek didn't use his finger. He just stared at Leni, though the latter didn't know what compelled him. There wasn't much to see, aside from a smile (or she thought she was smiling). But second after second passed without any change; he was intent on observing her like the action figure.

"Derek," she heard Eileen say, "do you want to tell Leni about your time at the library?"

It was something, at least. Leni instinctively nodded.

"That sounds like fun," she said, "tell me about it."

Leni leaned in and planted her hands on the couch. She was willing to give him whatever encouragement he needed to speak up. Whether it was action figures or going to the library, he had a story to tell and she wanted to learn it from him.

Luckily, he got the message. He nudged back and pulled out the tablet. Again, he stuck out one finger and used it to type out the letters on the screen.

"It was good."

He continued typing. Leni was willing to wait of course for more information. What type of books is he into? Is he friends with the librarian or someone he sees there often?

"I got a book."

A book. Those were a step up from those magazines she read. It made sense why he would get them. He liked them and he had a mom willing to let him access them. He stil might not talk, but he can at least read (and write).

"Here, let me go upstairs and see if I can find it," Eileen said cheerfully.

Before either of them could say anything, she had left, leaving the two of them alone. Eileen was rather abrupt in making that request. Sure she loved him, but even Leni thought it was odd that she was doing the work for him. Was this how Derek lived his life? People doing stuff for him without asking first. How did he feel about it?

"So..." Leni said, trying to find something else to say. It might have been rude to bring that up right now. Besides, they were talking about the library, "do you like reading?"

"Yes," Derek typed out.

"Do you have a favorite?"

He stared blankly at the screen. Both his hands were gripped to the side, intent on remaining there. Leni was quick to pick up the hint.

"Is there a book that you like more than any other book you have read?" She asked.

Derek tilted his head, his eyes falling onto the screen. She thought that was an encouraging sign. Or at first. His hands didn't move at all, preferring the comfort of stillness.

Leni was hopeful, though. Maybe he was just thinking about it, trying to sort through the countless books he's encountered, parsing the good from the bad, the mundane from the exhilarating. She knew that talking about favorites was a tough question. Leni often to put a lot of time into thinking about what fabric she liked or what shade of blue matched that shade of yellow. Decisions and opinions were hard.

"Here it is!"

Leni jerked her head back, seeing Eileen return. In her hands was a thin book with a colorful color. Luckily, she lowered it onto the middle cushion, allowing both peers to see it. More specifically, the cover was yellow with a blue elephant balancing on a red ball.

"This," Leni said, her voice struggling to find enthusiasm, "looks pretty good," she then looked up at Derek, "Do you like this book?"

At long last, he lifted his finger and tapped on the screen.

"Yes."

Well, it was something. Leni did think the elephant looked cute and the colors were really bright (it was kinda like _Princess Pony_ ). Maybe it was like her beloved show, where the story and characters had more than meets the eye. But how was she ever gonna know if she wasn't allowed to touch it.

Or was she?

"Um..." she said, hovering a hand over the cover, "may I?"

"Derek," Eileen said, "can Leni look at your book?"

This whole time, he had been looking at his tablet, unable to even shift his head. He nudged around in his seat before typing once more.

"Yes."

Relieved at his acceptance, Leni grabbed the book and flipped through it. The first page had a drawing of the elephant with words below.

 _"Ed is happy. He wants to be in the circus."_

Turning to the next page, there was an adorable tent with red and yellow stripes.

 _"Ed wants to do tricks at the circus. Tricks make people happy."_

"Since you're here, I'd thought I make you something to eat," Eileen said. Leni paused and looked up at her hostess, "It's almost time for Derek to eat lunch and we would really like you to stay."

"Okay," Leni said.

Lowering her head, she quietly read the book to herself. The story was very straightforward: Ed wants to be in the circus, he does tricks, and everyone is happy. While the pictures were pretty cute, Leni couldn't find anything challenging about it. All the sentences were simple enough for her to read, the only thing Ed wants is to be in the circus, and the story was basic enough for her to follow. This was pretty much something Mom would read to Lily.

She then turned to Derek, who was still looking at his tablet. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that Eileen had left (presumably to make that lunch she was talking about).

"This book..." Leni said slowly, "can you, like, tell me what parts in it make you happy?"

Nothing. Whatever he had to say, she wasn't gonna hear it. But now wasn't the time to give up; she had only scratched the surface.

"Derek," she said. At first, her eyes fell to the upholstery. How could she say something out of the blue? She was forcing her problems onto others again.

No, she told herself. This was exactly what brought her here to begin with. Leni may have to deal with a lot of invisible walls, but she knew she had already gone through a couple of them. She couldn't give up now. Leni had to get something out of this.

"Your Mom is pretty great," she said reluctantly, lifting her head as she spoke, "she loves you. She's there for you, helps you out, and, like, gets you things you want."

She then paused. Leni knew that once these following words left her mouth, she would have to finish them. There was no backing out. This had to be a complete thought, a complete statement that Derek could digest without having to force it out of her. Taking a heavy breath, she continued.

"But..." she said, "do you ever get the feeling that you can't do anything? I mean, I don't want to hurt your feelings," she felt her face burning up, "I think you're wonderful in every way and I'm happy to be seeing you."

That was awkward. Now she had to go super slow just to keep her speech in tact. Now wasn't the time to be stammering or sounding insincere.

"But when you look around or type something on that thingy of your's," she said, pointing to the tablet. Derek was still looking at it, "do you ever get sad?"

She stopped. Leni desperately wanted to see how he would react to all this information. The tablet was already in his hands. All he had to do was put his finger on it and all would become known to her.

That moment, however, didn't come. Derek remained frozen, seemingly unmoved by Leni's pathetic plea. Maybe he just needed some more information, Leni thought. She shuddered at the prospect of opening up further. If he wasn't already sad by this conversation, then some of these revelations might. But she straightened her back and shifted her body on the couch to awaken any sleeping parts. Her whole body needed to be prepared for whatever outflow came next.

"I get sad sometimes," Leni admitted, her eye contact faltering. She forced herself to keep looking at Derek as she spoke, "I think about you and others like us. You have people that love you, but they can't give you everything you need. And I feel bad because, like, I got all those things. And I was able to get things I feel like I should have."

She paused. Leni regretted that wording. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but feel like she came across as entitled, flaunting her gifts in front of the destitute. What kind of friend was she? But she had to keep going. If she left it there, that's exactly what Derek would think.

"I wanted to help out people like you, to make it easy for you to learn how to talk by yourself," she said, "I wanted to help you learn to make friends, so you can be happy when you made one. I didn't think it was right that people like me can get so many things but you don't. That's makes me sad! I thought I did enough to change that. I..."

Her voice dropped out. Derek shifted around several times, eventually causing his head to lift up. Even though it was pointed at the wall, it was a striking contrast to what had preceded it. Did she get through to him? Did he compel him to act?

"Derek," she said, softly, "Are you happy living like this?"

He continued staring at the wall. His eyes had widened, though she didn't keep track at when they did. The man appeared unfazed at the question, as if whatever drive to type had died just because she raised her obnoxious voice. Leni suddenly felt awkward to be in his company. She assumed the worst. He was mad at her. Her reckless, selfish behavior had upset him, as if his own way of living was coldly slapped in the face.

Leni tensely nudged herself closer to him. Her face was wracked with terror, worry, and sorrow.

"Derek..." she said, her voice struggling to stay above a whisper, "say something to me."

At this point, it could have been anything. If he was mad, then she deserved to be reprimanded. If he felt anything and got a response, that was all she needed.

She waited with baited breath. Slowly, his head lowered and his eyelids emerged. He fiddled with the tablet and she pulled out his singular finger and tapped some buttons on it. Leni was patient. She was gonna listen to whatever he had for her.

"Yes," the tablet said.

One word. No need to explain himself or anything that was a part of him. A simple affirmation that Helen or even Leni herself would use if they so chose. Derek was a person with his own mind, judgement, and opinion. And she was relieved. He spoke his mind.

Even if that was never on her mind when she went about her fundraisers, that simple fact (something that didn't necessarily require services to possess) was there. It may not have been the absence of a tablet or outside friends she originally sought out, but now she got more than that. Even if Derek didn't see her as a friend, he was happy. And that was all that mattered.

It was times like these where she wished that Derek was more into hugging. But then again, who was she to judge?

* * *

As if last year's move out wasn't hectic enough, now it was worse. One could only hope that after one trial, the next would be easier (even if it were by a little). But between all the extra luggage and the fact that they had to bounce flrom one distant campus to another just as far made it twice as crazy. Everyone thought it'd be best to figure out some mindset capable of making the subsequent forty-eight hours bearable.

Whatever dread there was about the road trip, Leni didn't harbor any. She was more than happy to haul her own boxes onto the trailer (which was larger than the one used to send off only Lori). She insisted that Lori needed the most assistance, but that didn't stop a few sisters from bringing her own stuff anyway. Maybe the reason was...practical. That's what Leni preferred to think. After all, one can only have so many hands on one load. Besides, if they finished Lori's first, all the attention was gonna be on her for catchup.

That kinda made sense. Leni was willing to accept it.

"Lana! Get up!" Lola protested. Indeed, her fellow twin was distracted by the running TV. Leni couldn't help but oversee their quarrel as she headed downstairs carrying her own box. Even though she knew her own duties, she decided to investigate.

No wonder Lana's eyes were glued to the screen. It was _Rabbit Hole_ (again). Leni still couldn't figure out what her little sister liked about this show, but yet she was curious to look into it whenever she got the chance.

And this was one of them. That same cute bunny with the orange hat was sitting in a larger bedroom with a crib in the background. A phone shaped like a carrot was propped up against his ear.

"Well, it isn't perfect," Harrison said, "but I'll be fine. I'm used to taking one for the team, so this won't be any different."

In the background, the door creaked open, allowing light to deep into the dark room. He didn't notice, however.

"Well, good night friend. It's always nice talking to you."

Eerily at peace, Harrison hung up and went to his bed. The crib next to it had a cute baby bunny. He went up to the railing and placed his paws on it. Immediately, the baby started bawling her eyes out.

"Lana!"

"Ugh, Fine," Lana said begrudgingly. She picked up her box and hauled it outside. Leni, however, decided to keep watching. Silently sitting, she watched as Harrison comforted his baby sister, cooing her until she fell back asleep. Her heart fluttered with joy. That was really nice of Harrison to do.

After letting the baby ease to sleep, Harrison slipped into a bed that was much smaller than his own. It was weird being in this different arrangement. But in his own words, he would just man up. After all, he was the boy of this family. Sighing, he closed his eyes as the camera faded to black.

When it faded back in, Harrison was still asleep, but the bed was clearly larger now. So did the carpet. And there wasn't a crib there. In fact, there were a bunch of eager bunnies surrounding him, waiting for him to rise. When he opened his eyes, he made several groggy sounds, confused by his surroundings.

"Huh...what?...how did I get here?" Harrison asked.

"You're in your own room, little dude," one of the bunnies said. Leni took note of her purple T-shirt and raspy voice.

"But why?"

The camera zoomed in on Barbara, the tallest of the bunch.

"We saw how unhappy you were sleeping with Blossom. And then we heard how you were gonna take one for the team," she said.

"And we felt bad," Brenda jumped in, "because all of us were doing great with our new roommates. What good is it when you have to suffer more just so none of us have to at all?"

"It isn't right," Brianna said, concern dampening her voice, "We may not to treat you right, but you're our brother. You shouldn't have to go through that when we have each other!"

The camera then turned back to Barbara.

"So we decided to move back to our old rooms," she declared, "family is about sticking with each other no matter what. And even if we disagree with our roommates, we're gonna work harder to get along."

"I love Harry!" Betty shouted, throwing up her arms.

Rather than get annoyed by her sister's outburst, everyone smiled. Even Harrison smiled for once. This had to be the first time Leni has ever seen that little bunny be loved and feel vindicated. And to tie it up in a bow, they all gathered for a group hug.

Leni found herself smiling at that ending. If only Lana got to see it. What would she think? After some thought, she figured Lana would assume that was the show's strength: it reminded her of all of the Louds, of her family. They may not always get along (and those bunnies were a rambunctious bunch), but they loved each other. No one was left out, no matter who they were, what quirks they had, or what challenges they faced. And Leni felt a part of a pretty great one.

Realizing how much time she spent watching the show, she jumped from the couch and rushed her box out to the trailer.

The entire procedure took about an hour, though with a family this large, the task wasn't that bad. Luckily, there was time for the others to collect whatever they wanted to bring for the trip. After all, even nowadays, phones and company could only keep one busy for so long.

Everyone scattered to their bedrooms to do just that. Leni couldn't think of anything she needed. Sure, she could bring along a magazine, but she wasn't picky. Regardless, she went to her room anyway, wadding through the hallway before gently opening the door.

The first thing she saw were the beds. Both retained their vibrant blankets, sheets, and pillows. While Leni was grateful that her parents went out and bought some new bedding, it resulted in a deception. One would think that this room would still be occupied just from looking at the beds, the deep roots established within this space.

But one didn't need to look much further to notice signs of barrenness. Lori claimed the Christmas lights that had once hung proudly along the walls, leaving behind a distracting strip of plaster to every side of the room. And then there was the desk propped up against the window. The sewing machine that had laid undisturbed for eight years was now stuffed in a cardboard box ready for travel.

Leni couldn't help but take a nostalgic tour of the place she had spent countless hours inhabiting. She didn't see anything wrong with taking a trip down memory lane. For example, there was a spot on the wall that that she loved to stare at sometimes. It was mostly undefined, but her eyes crafted it from the subtle bumps the plaster left behind. Leni didn't know what it was supposed to be, but she thought it was pretty cute.

Then, there was the closet. This was the biggest departure from last year (which itself was quite the change). Lining the walls was a long, three sided white rod. It's course ran smoothly around, uninterrupted by anything. The point was, there were no clothes left. Aside from the junk stashed on a shelf above the rod, one would have been forgiven for thinking the House was being sold.

And then, there was her dresser, which sat snuggly between the two beds. That was probably the least obvious indicator. But for memory's sake, Leni decided to give it a visit as well.

Popping it open, she didn't see any surprises. Yup, nothing but wood walls. Most of the stuff was packed in the trailer. It had been in a box for about a day now. It wasn't anything special: just nail clippers, brushes, and cotton swabs. However, it was affirming just how absolved her own dresser was. Something in her was free. And that was alright. Leni felt she was entitled to that luxury.

Feeling like her time was up, Leni sauntered out of the room. She gave one last gaze at the place she called a safe haven. Flipping off the switch, she shut the door.

Leni slowly headed down the steps. Every feature of the House suddenly had a voice and was screaming in her ear, demanding her attention. Tiny cracks in the wall, stains in the carpet, and slightly different shades in the paint jobs. The complicated array of sights was overwhelming, forcing her to slow her step. Why rush past the world when there were so many things to see?

Walking down the stairs was even more of a challenge, given the long line of portraits. Leni was forced to stop when she got to her own. She had seen that picture hundreds of times, whether through quick flashes or long contemplation (such as this). Nothing about it was different. It was still Leni, with the same turquoise dress, white sunglasses, and well nourished blonde hair.

And that smile? It was her own. The teeth, her cheeks, the way her lips stretched out to make that mechanical expression. Yup, that was Leni Loud. And now, she could say she looked pretty alright. She was glad she was up there alongside all her siblings whom she passed by one by one. All of them had their own way of making their enthusiasm known. It made them unique. And her smile was just her way of saying she was a Loud.

At the bottom of the steps was Lori and Mom. The latter stood closer to the door and held her trusty camera.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Lori said, endearingly snarky.

"Calm down, Lori," Mom said as she turned on the device, "I wanna keep this so I don't drive off in the night to take you home."

Leni, though was unfazed. Once at the bottom of the steps, she planted her feet together. She turned to Lori, her one big sister, standing prominently on her right. She was glad to have someone like Lori to help her out. The challenges were far from over. While the details were foggy, she knew it wasn't gonna be the end. There would still be days when she had doubt, where she got scared, or felt alone. But Lori has been through those trials before. Being a phone call away wasn't so bad. Her other siblings were there too. Even though they weren't around at first, they joined her side (and would never leave). Helen was a good companion. Just like Lori, she could check in with her as they went through this fun ride together. And then there were parents. Dad casually slipped into the foyer and stood behind Mom. Both of them. She had the world to thank becaus of them.

"Smile," Mom said as she brought the camera up.

Leni stretched her lips as wide as she could without a care in the world. Nothing held her back anymore.

Snap.

 **The End**


End file.
